[HarryHengst]

if i hate myself should i not be trying to date anyone?

Yes. Get therapy or something. Dating someone wont remove the reasons you hate yourself.

[brucewaynegretzky]

Ok, so I've noticed something recently that I figured I'd ask around here about. You may or may not remember a few months back (6ish) I came in talking about my breakup with my ex who I'd been with for 6 years (or first month of undergrad actually). At the time I definitely was completely going out of my mind when it came to women. I felt the need to "look" for someone really hard and was trying to figure out who the next person I would date would be.

Flash forward to now and I'm back to being relatively clear minded when it comes to this. So now I've been going out with friends to bars and whatever and on any given night a lot of my friends will constantly try and ask me what I think about girl x or y who is just sitting at the bar or I barely know or try and get me to go hit on the girl. They do this with people they see me talking to as well. If I'm just talking to a girl they're like "O are you hitting on her? Are you interested?" This is from my friends both in relationships and single. Somehow I can't convey to them that sometimes I'm honestly just trying to meet someone and NOT trying to hit on them. Including attractive girls. When I see a hot girl, obviously I notice, but that doesn't automatically mean when I talk to them I'm hitting on them.

Is this a common phenomena? I've come to realize it would take someone pretty amazing to get me to really want to work at trying to date a girl again. You don't find people you connect with like that all that often, so I'm not really all that worried. My friends keep telling me I have to be more "aggressive" or whatever whenever I'm even moderately interested. I just don't see it. I don't mind just talking to a girl. If I want to hit on her I'll make it obvious. I dunno it just seems weird. Maybe it's because I'm normally a pretty seclusive guy, but when I actually want to be social I'm pretty good at it so people think I'm trying. Who knows. The whole dynamic is just weird though. Sometimes I worry these girls I'm talking to think I'm hitting on them or trying to sleep with them since that's what my friends seem to think.

[TheSchwab_7]

Hey dude. She sucks why feel crappy?

Just been experiencing a lot of girls who seem great at first who then turn out to be completely insane in the end. :/ Plus I didn't appreciate the fact she called me out on wanting sex. She made me feel like a player, which I'm not.

if i hate myself should i not be trying to date anyone?

Gotta love yourself before you can love someone else. Take a break and focus on yourself for awhile.

[AHA-Lambda]

K guys, got dumped last Monday and, honestly, it was probably my first "real" relationship. Lasted just over a year.

It feels so weird. We seemed like we genuinely quite loved each other but as of about a month ago my ex said that her feelings have changed and she only sees us as friends now, good friends admittedly - she admits herself her circle of friends isn't very large so she still would like to hang out once in awhile when I feel ready.

I was an absolute bloody wreck when it happened, feel better now that time has passed for it to sink in, still not 100% obviously. Went out on Monday night to get my mind off of it all, kinda worked tbh. Times like this have made me realise who my friends are, that even includes her. She was genuinely concerned for me and how this would affect me - she was crying herself when she was breaking up with me.

The thing I don't get is the sudden turn around though :(
Only 3 months ago she got me a iPad for my 21st! But now it's a case of "I just can't see us as boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. You deserve someone who will love you as much as you love me."

Shit still kinda hurts gaf :( She wants to hang out again quite soon, and see the avengers with some friends. Anyone have any thoughts or opinions on this lil tale?
I don't feel ready for another relationship yet, I'll be back into this topic properly when I am :P

[Hausmeister]

Has a girl who asks you to punch a guy (not entirely serious) after dating him three months and getting a breakup with the reason "there were no sparks" already friendzoned you? If not, what would be the appropriate amount of time to ask her out after that?

[hawkshockey11]

Wait, I thought that you told her that her email was sending out spam and stuff? I know it's not like "talking" talking, but you were both still in contact. I'm just saying it wouldn't of been hard to just throw in a happy birthday somewhere in there to you. To me, it sounds like she's pissed that she lost you, because there's no reason someone would be so cold to someone else, especially if the other person wants to be friends still.

I told her but she didn't say anything back. Like the last 6 times I have sent something.

And she dumped me and has found multiple people that are much better than me. She had many chances to get me back. I asked her if she wanted to try again a week after the break-up and she didn't know what to say so I told her to "sleep on it and get back to me tomorrow" she never said a thing. I really would have been happy with a no. It is all just really confusing. She doesn't seem capable of all this crap. She was really good friends with her ex that dumped her 3 times. I can't be worse than that can I?

K guys, got dumped last Monday and, honestly, it was probably my first "real" relationship. Lasted just over a year. It feels so weird. We seemed like we genuinely quite loved each other but as of about a month ago my ex said that her feelings have changed and she only sees us as friends now, good friends admittedly - she admits herself her circle of friends isn't very large so she still would like to hang out once in awhile when I feel ready. I was an absolute bloody wreck when it happened, feel better now that time has passed for it to sink in, still not 100% obviously. Went out on Monday night to get my mind off of it all, kinda worked tbh. Times like this have made me realise who my friends are, that even includes her. She was genuinely concerned for me and how this would affect me - she was crying herself when she was breaking up with me. The thing I don't get is the sudden turn around though :( Only 3 months ago she got me a iPad for my 21st! But now it's a case of "I just can't see us as boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. You deserve someone who will love you as much as you love me." Shit still kinda hurts gaf :( She wants to hang out again quite soon, and see the avengers with some friends. Anyone have any thoughts or opinions on this lil tale? I don't feel ready for another relationship yet, I'll be back into this topic properly when I am :P

Feelings change fast and 3 months is a lot of time. It seems like it was a good break-up though and you guys will be friends in the end. I wouldn't hang out just yet. It will just feel like you are dating again. Take a few weeks off to mourn and focus on yourself and then you guys can talk again.

[VASPER]

So long story short, i starting seeing this girl last week on Saturday 4/7/12 we used texting every day that week seeing each other 5 times since then, once on my birthday 4/15 and that's the last time we saw each other. So she goes on saying she is so busy she cant talk for the next few weeks that scares me, then she hasn't talked to me in 3 days and i am freaking out. I like this girl a lot and have only given of myself when i feel she is accepting so i am so freaking scared i like her a lot and i feel like I've already lost her. Hug me GAF i don't really have anyone else to talk to right now so lay into me.

[Reckoner]

I'm in need for some advice for a complicated situation that I'll try to explain in a few words. So, there's a girl I know since about a year, we started having a good empathy with each other. At many times, we would have really enjoyable conversations, she liked to talk with me, me with her. Then, we got a bit distant through the holidays (only few contact via facebook - she started sending me music videos and such - and via sms in July) and since last September we stated having an even closer relationship. She started coming every break to talk with me and, two months later, we were talking daily, for hours, by text message.

In between that time, she hinted at having some sort of attraction for me. At some point, I fell for her (mid-November, early December) and went to tell her. For my surprise, she started apologizing, saying that she was really sorry for all this and I became really confused with what happened and was going on. Was she playing with me all this time? She said she couldn't sustain a relationship and didn't know how she felt about me. She was confused... I confronted her with all those hints she gave me and stuff, and she went to say that that was because I wasn't indifferent for her.

Well, all this talking went, with me trying to get more of her, for about a month - she saying for me to not have hopes... then she told me she really liked me, but didn't know what to think about it all. Meanwhile, I don't talk to her (apart from some hello, goodbye) for two months or so. Last time we talked, I tried shaking things up and it didn't go well -- yup, rejection.

What can I do after these two months? Is there some kind of different approach to try and make things work a little more simple and get a path this time?

[Venfayth]

I'm in need for some advice for a complicated situation that I'll try to explain in a few words. So, there's a girl I know since about a year, we started having a good empathy with each other. At many times, we would have really enjoyable conversations, she liked to talk with me, me with her. Then, we got a bit distant through the holidays (only few contact via facebook - she started sending me music videos and such - and via sms in July) and since last September we stated having an even closer relationship. She started coming every break to talk with me and, two months later, we were talking daily, for hours, by text message. In between that time, she hinted at having some sort of attraction for me. At some point, I fell for her (mid-November, early December) and went to tell her. For my surprise, she started apologizing, saying that she was really sorry for all this and I became really confused with what happened and was going on. Was she playing with me all this time? She said she couldn't sustain a relationship and didn't know how she felt about me. She was confused... I confronted her with all those hints she gave me and stuff, and she went to say that that was because I wasn't indifferent for her. Well, all this talking went, with me trying to get more of her, for about a month - she saying for me to not have hopes... then she told me she really liked me, but didn't know what to think about it all. Meanwhile, I don't talk to her (apart from some hello, goodbye) for two months or so. Last time we talked, I tried shaking things up and it didn't go well. What can I do after these two months? Is there some kind of different approach to try and make things work a little more simple to get a path?

It really sounds - to me anyway - like she has no clue what she wants, or how to deal with her own feelings. That makes it a bad, potentially hopeless situation for you. A lot of common dating advice is that you need to be okay with yourself and who you are before you start trying to seriously date people. She might not be that far yet. For you and for her it might be best to distance yourself further and crush any lingering hope.

[Atramental]

So long story short, i starting seeing this girl last week on Saturday 4/7/12 we used texting every day that week seeing each other 5 times since then, once on my birthday 4/15 and that's the last time we saw each other. So she goes on saying she is so busy she cant talk for the next few weeks that scares me, then she hasn't talked to me in 3 days and i am freaking out. I like this girl a lot and have only given of myself when i feel she is accepting so i am so freaking scared i like her a lot and i feel like I've already lost her. Hug me GAF i don't really have anyone else to talk to right now so lay into me.

First of all, take a deep breath and exhale slowly.

Secondly... you sound VERY desperate and needy for this girl's attention. That's not attractive so stop that.

Thirdly, stop texting her and let her be the one to text you back once these next few weeks are over with. If she doesn't text you back within that time send her ONE text and ONLY ONE text asking her what is up (edit: Or hell, just fucking call her. I hate texting...). If she doesn't respond or brushes you off it's time to move on.

You have a scarcity mentality and having that kind of mentality is A) not realistic because there are plenty of girls out there and B) it is not attractive and a girl can smell your desperation miles away.

[Hoo-doo]

K guys, got dumped last Monday and, honestly, it was probably my first "real" relationship. Lasted just over a year. It feels so weird. We seemed like we genuinely quite loved each other but as of about a month ago my ex said that her feelings have changed and she only sees us as friends now, good friends admittedly - she admits herself her circle of friends isn't very large so she still would like to hang out once in awhile when I feel ready. I was an absolute bloody wreck when it happened, feel better now that time has passed for it to sink in, still not 100% obviously. Went out on Monday night to get my mind off of it all, kinda worked tbh. Times like this have made me realise who my friends are, that even includes her. She was genuinely concerned for me and how this would affect me - she was crying herself when she was breaking up with me. The thing I don't get is the sudden turn around though :( Only 3 months ago she got me a iPad for my 21st! But now it's a case of "I just can't see us as boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. You deserve someone who will love you as much as you love me." Shit still kinda hurts gaf :( She wants to hang out again quite soon, and see the avengers with some friends. Anyone have any thoughts or opinions on this lil tale? I don't feel ready for another relationship yet, I'll be back into this topic properly when I am :P

I don't know, not seeing your ex for a while might be good for you.
It's time to start focusing only on yourself right now.

[TheSchwab_7]

K guys, got dumped last Monday and, honestly, it was probably my first "real" relationship. Lasted just over a year. It feels so weird. We seemed like we genuinely quite loved each other but as of about a month ago my ex said that her feelings have changed and she only sees us as friends now, good friends admittedly - she admits herself her circle of friends isn't very large so she still would like to hang out once in awhile when I feel ready. I was an absolute bloody wreck when it happened, feel better now that time has passed for it to sink in, still not 100% obviously. Went out on Monday night to get my mind off of it all, kinda worked tbh. Times like this have made me realise who my friends are, that even includes her. She was genuinely concerned for me and how this would affect me - she was crying herself when she was breaking up with me. The thing I don't get is the sudden turn around though :( Only 3 months ago she got me a iPad for my 21st! But now it's a case of "I just can't see us as boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. You deserve someone who will love you as much as you love me." Shit still kinda hurts gaf :( She wants to hang out again quite soon, and see the avengers with some friends. Anyone have any thoughts or opinions on this lil tale? I don't feel ready for another relationship yet, I'll be back into this topic properly when I am :P

I know this feel. Take some time off for yourself and stay away from her until you're over her. Hanging out with her right now sounds like a great idea because you two were probably real close, but I think it's best if you try to deal with this without her. You don't want to spend time with her so quickly because it may affect your process of getting over her. My two cents anyway.

[Reckoner]

It really sounds - to me anyway - like she has no clue what she wants, or how to deal with her own feelings. That makes it a bad, potentially hopeless situation for you. A lot of common dating advice is that you need to be okay with yourself and who you are before you start trying to seriously date people. She might not be that far yet. For you and for her it might be best to distance yourself further and crush any lingering hope.

I thought that distance would make her see that actually she likes me (or not) and do something, but after these two months... I live in the hope that something might happen, but at the same time that I think that I shouldn't be waiting and start to act. The "forget path" is the hardest, though, and I always feel like there may be something to be done.

[AHA-Lambda]

Feelings change fast and 3 months is a lot of time. It seems like it was a good break-up though and you guys will be friends in the end. I wouldn't hang out just yet. It will just feel like you are dating again. Take a few weeks off to mourn and focus on yourself and then you guys can talk again.

I don't know, not seeing your ex for a while might be good for you. It's time to start focusing only on yourself right now.

I know this feel. Take some time off for yourself and stay away from her until you're over her. Hanging out with her right now sounds like a great idea because you two were probably real close, but I think it's best if you try to deal with this without her. You don't want to spend time with her so quickly because it may affect your process of getting over her. My two cents anyway.

Thanks guys, good to get an outside perspective on this. Nice to see that people think that we'll still be good friends too.

Just can be a little frustrating I guess that I've got stuff that reminds me of her, namely an iPad and a little novelty stuffed toy she got me at xmas =/
Although alot of other stuff had to go, it was really hard deleting pics of us together from my phone :(

[VASPER]

First of all, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Secondly... you sound VERY desperate and needy for this girl's attention. That's not attractive so stop that. Thirdly, stop texting her and let her be the one to text you back once these next few weeks are over with. If she doesn't text you back within that time send her ONE text and ONLY ONE text asking her what is up (edit: Or hell, just fucking call her. I hate texting...). If she doesn't respond or brushes you off it's time to move on. You have a scarcity mentality and having that kind of mentality is A) not realistic because there are plenty of girls out there and B) it is not attractive and a girl can smell your desperation miles away.

Ok thanks, i just freaked out over this because she was way more upfront than any other girl i have gone out with I.E. she was telling me she wanted to kiss me (we have) and all this shit to get closer to me so i dont think i was doing anything that she didn't want, she was almost being more needy than I. I have in the past acted too needy so now i come off almost like I'm not interested because I'm so reserved. So i appreciated this thanks.

[Redux]

Long distance can be tough. Really for me the biggest problem was talking TOO much. When we talked every couple of days we'd find more to say, but if we talked everyday we just got depressed about missing each other. Its easy to feel like you're not involved in her life anymore. I tried to remedy this by sending him letters and little "gifts" (I was in Japan so usually it was candy or memorabilia stuff), as well as varying our skype dates. We played games together, we even, though I'm kind of embarrassed to say it, got naked and stuff on cam. On some level you need to give her space, especially if she's busy with work. But on another level she definitely needs to be giving you the time you deserve. If you can, I'd try and organise to visit her for a weekend or something. I think you really need some time to talk it through together, and make sure you're both on the same level with this. Online would be fine for this too, but in person is better if you can afford it. When I was just a long-distance relationship fledgling my upperclassman (who had been doing it for over a year) told me you need only two things to succeed. Trust, and "big love".

This sounds exactly like the relationship I am in right now and it's extremely tough. Especially when your significant other is so charming, friendly & has a large friend group. You know what I am going at. When we cam, the concept is so depressing, you just want to be there with them so badly. The days you don't chat, you sort of feel like they'll be off chatting with someone else which sounds extremely possessive. But its true. Trust, man.

The day I can visit her can't come soon enough, it's like time is frozen I say!

Trust, and "big love".

Loyalty means everything to me. Something absent in today's society.

[Kalnos]

But its true. Trust, man.

I know that feel. It's pretty bad for me because I have anxiety issues. I think talking about the future, specifically setting goals about when one person will live near the other is also important.

[Hoo-doo]

Thanks guys, good to get an outside perspective on this. Nice to see that people think that we'll still be good friends too. Just can be a little frustrating I guess that I've got stuff that reminds me of her, namely an iPad and a little novelty stuffed toy she got me at xmas =/ Although alot of other stuff had to go, it was really hard deleting pics of us together from my phone :(

I know exactly how shitty that is, i've been through the exact same stuff, but you should try and remove her from your mind right now.
Don't go F5'ing her facebook to see what she's up to, it'll end up depressing you even more.

Get some distance. Read a book, lift some weights, pet a dog, do something you want.

[Redux]

I know that feel. It's pretty bad for me because I have anxiety issues. I think talking about the future, specifically setting goals about when one person will live near the other is also important.

Your anxiety to my lack of friends. I use to do drugs and loss a lot of my friends, plus switching schools didn't help so I end up really only talking to my distant lover what some may seem as far to often. I need some bro time or something, balance.
And yes, talking about the future makes us feel more collected. Planning events, what we'll do together etc. it's nice.

[Cubsfan23]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNyR7...layer_embedded

[jdogmoney]

If she leaves him for you, this means she's willing to leave one man for a (apparently) "better" man. Do you have the fortitude and character to never falter, thus ensuring she doesn't do the same to you a year or two into a relationship? Will you be better than any other apparent potentials down the line?

This is going to sound cheesy, because it totally is, but for her I would be.

Whether or not that's factual, it's what my first instinct when I read that was.

[luckyboyceo]

Thanks guys, good to get an outside perspective on this. Nice to see that people think that we'll still be good friends too. Just can be a little frustrating I guess that I've got stuff that reminds me of her, namely an iPad and a little novelty stuffed toy she got me at xmas =/ Although alot of other stuff had to go, it was really hard deleting pics of us together from my phone :(

This is something I've yet to do with the relationship I got out of last week. I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull myself to. Honestly, the thought of it makes me sick. I'm very sentimental about things like that.

Just changing my phone wallpaper turned me into a wreck. Ugh.

[AHA-Lambda]

This is something I've yet to do with the relationship I got out of last week. I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull myself to. Honestly, the thought of it makes me sick. I'm very sentimental about things like that. Just changing my phone wallpaper turned me into a wreck. Ugh.

yeah i can understand that :( had a knot in my stomach the whole time and when i changed my wallpaper

i was in tears doing it, like I said I was a complete wreck this time last week. Still miss her though ;_;

[Izick]

Hi GAF I heard some things I didn't want to hear today and I'm going crazy over them. I know I'm having a pity party and I know this is pretty LiveJournal-y and more than a little self-indulgent and pathetic but I feel like I'm on the verge of relapsing. My rational mind knows I probably won't do it cause that would be stupid, but I'm still having a hard time. WHY DOES LOVE HAVE TO BE SO HARD.

Please, please, please, please don't do that, krrrt! Nothing good at all is going to come for it. I don't know what you heard, but using again is likely only going to numb the pain for a moment, but you're setting yourself back for years. It's not worth it at all. Please don't!

I know that you know it's not going to help anything, so please just think it out. People are really strange; she might be completely changed and happy again tomorrow. Just give it some time, but whatever you do, no matter what, don't start using again!

I told her but she didn't say anything back. Like the last 6 times I have sent something. And she dumped me and has found multiple people that are much better than me. She had many chances to get me back. I asked her if she wanted to try again a week after the break-up and she didn't know what to say so I told her to "sleep on it and get back to me tomorrow" she never said a thing. I really would have been happy with a no. It is all just really confusing. She doesn't seem capable of all this crap. She was really good friends with her ex that dumped her 3 times. I can't be worse than that can I?

Oh, I see. Well, from what you tell me, she sounds like she's going to be those "multiple better people's" baggage for some time to come. I'm telling you, dude, it seems like shit, but if she's this cold and heartless now, I'm going to venture she wasn't exactly a saint during the relationship.

Now for the bolded part, that explains some things. I'm going to venture to guess that she's trying to play the same bullshit games that she got played on with by this dude. She sounds like a bitter asshole. I don't know her like you do, obviously, but all signs point to you just blocking her spam sending shit, forget her, and move on. I know that's not as easy at it sounds though. :s

[TheyTookOurJobs]

A girl found me on Okcupid and took the initative and messaged me first. She lives like 70 miles from me. We've talked on the phone and really hit it off. We're meeting for the first time this Sat. at a coffee shop midway between our two towns. She has depression, is wiccian and is a psychic. She had lots of trama in her life growing up, was abused by her last husband, and both of her parents died when she was younger. She gave me a tarot card reading over the phone. She seems pretty cool to me - we'll see how it goes.

[EviLore]

Juniors need to be a little more subtle on the trolling ;b

[mcrae]

A girl found me on Okcupid and took the initative and messaged me first. She lives like 70 miles from me. We've talked on the phone and really hit it off. We're meeting for the first time this Sat. at a coffee shop midway between our two towns. She has depression, is wiccian and is a psychic. She had lots of trama in her life growing up, was abused by her last husband, and both of her parents died when she was younger. She gave me a tarot card reading over the phone. She seems pretty cool to me - we'll see how it goes.

good luck!

edit: so i was going to post all manner of negative/skeptical things about this post and said fuck it i'll be positive for once, and since i had the reply window open so long i didnt see EviLore's post. now i do and fuck, look where that got me. never being optimistic again ever

[Izick]

Juniors need to be a little more subtle on the trolling ;b

I'm confused. :X

[mcrae]

This is something I've yet to do with the relationship I got out of last week. I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull myself to. Honestly, the thought of it makes me sick. I'm very sentimental about things like that. Just changing my phone wallpaper turned me into a wreck. Ugh.

Devolution made a good point a few weeks back. you shouldn't feel obligated to erase portions of your life, if you dont want to. you SHOULD get over them and move on, but still be able to value the good memories that helped form the person you are today.

delete them if all you do is dwell, but hopefully you dont need to resort to that, since if you dont you can still value happy times in your life, just for the happiness if not for the particular relationship

I'm confused. :X

EviLore is saying the post above his was a trolling(joke) post

[Izick]

EviLore is saying the post above his was a trolling(joke) post

Oh, okay I see; I re-read it again. Not sure why that didn't register the first time.

[Eggman]

Love doesn't exist. Lock this thread.

[luckyboyceo]

Hi GAF I heard some things I didn't want to hear today and I'm going crazy over them. I know I'm having a pity party and I know this is pretty LiveJournal-y and more than a little self-indulgent and pathetic but I feel like I'm on the verge of relapsing. My rational mind knows I probably won't do it cause that would be stupid, but I'm still having a hard time. WHY DOES LOVE HAVE TO BE SO HARD.

I realize I'm a bit late on this, so maybe my advice here is too late but hopefully you've maintained your self control and have yet to relapsed.

I was approaching 6 months clean (the longest I've been in years) from my vice when my situation started to happen. Unfortunately, I handled it wrong and relapsed. Yes, I felt better for a brief moment, but after it was over I felt 100x worse, because not only did my emotional problems not go away, but now I had the guilt of my relapse and all the hard work I put in to get to that point was lost. I felt miserable, and now I have to start all over. Don't make the same mistake I did, please. You'll regret it.

Devolution made a good point a few weeks back. you shouldn't feel obligated to erase portions of your life, if you dont want to. you SHOULD get over them and move on, but still be able to value the good memories that helped form the person you are today. delete them if all you do is dwell, but hopefully you dont need to resort to that, since if you dont you can still value happy times in your life, just for the happiness if not for the particular relationship

Thanks, a friend of mine told me the same thing and I definitely think it's a good point. Fortunately, I haven't been dwelling on them much. I will from time to time but I think I've had pretty good self-control up to this point. I'm going to keep them and hopefully some day I'll be able to look back on them and have fond memories, but right now it's definitely a sore spot.

[Xun]

I didn't notice the posts until just now.

Its your life, if you aren't living it for you what's the point right? If you've never been in a serious relationship I can understand your feelings about jumping straight in to something long term. Relationships shouldn't be like that, and you shouldn't worry so much about it being that way. When you say "all of this", do you mean dating in general?

nope

This is the best possible attitude to have, in my opinion. You should never start dating a girl because you want a serious relationship. Then you're either going to settle for crazy or end up butthurt when she stops calling you. You date girls to see if they're crazy and to see if they're worth your time. Once they start showing signs towards being crazy, you pull the plug. Even if you're in a serious relationship, if shit goes south and you've tried to make it work, you get out. It's not like you upgrade your mission objective to marriage once you're in a serious relationship, at least I wouldn't. You take things easy and decide what's right for you when the circumstances are also right for you.

Thanks guys, just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy.

I think for me it makes sense to only want something a bit less serious for now, maybe even casual. There's a lot I've got to sort out in life, and having something serious may be a bit too much to handle at the moment. I'd just obviously make sure to tell them this from the start.

At the moment I'm just trying to regain some of the confidence I was beginning to make back in 2010, and although back then I still had barely any confidence it was a lot better than what it is now.

I'm sure things will somehow work out.

[Chinner]

(its a metaphor for dating)

[Fularu]

I live in the hope that something might happen, but at the same time that I think that I shouldn't be waiting and start to act. The "forget path" is the hardest, though, and I always feel like there may be something to be done.

Don't and there's nothing "to be done". A girl who's unsure is just trying so save you pain by not telling you "No", which, in the end, does more harm.

[hawkshockey11]

Oh, I see. Well, from what you tell me, she sounds like she's going to be those "multiple better people's" baggage for some time to come. I'm telling you, dude, it seems like shit, but if she's this cold and heartless now, I'm going to venture she wasn't exactly a saint during the relationship. Now for the bolded part, that explains some things. I'm going to venture to guess that she's trying to play the same bullshit games that she got played on with by this dude. She sounds like a bitter asshole. I don't know her like you do, obviously, but all signs point to you just blocking her spam sending shit, forget her, and move on. I know that's not as easy at it sounds though. :s

She was great during the relationship, which makes this all make even less sense. To add to the confusion we are still friends on Facebook (ie she hasn't deleted me and it doesn't look like she will anytime soon.) It seems like if she truly never wanted to talk again she would just delete me especially with all the times I have sent her a message. Maybe it is actually something I did or something she thinks I did?

[Zomba13]

(its a metaphor for dating)

Seems accurate.

[Izick]

She was great during the relationship, which makes this all make even less sense. To add to the confusion we are still friends on Facebook (ie she hasn't deleted me and it doesn't look like she will anytime soon.) It seems like if she truly never wanted to talk again she would just delete me especially with all the times I have sent her a message. Maybe it is actually something I did or something she thinks I did?

I don't know, it just sounds like she's bitter about some dude that toyed with her and dumped her 3 times, and she probably is (maybe subconsciously or on purpose) planning to do the same with you. That is unless you did something or said something really horrible, which doesn't sound to be the case.

Here's what I think you should do. Just ask her, whatever way it's more likely to respond, whether it be Facebook or in a text, why exactly she's being so cold to you still? Just be simple and clear about it, and if she doesn't respond, there's no reason to worry and keep trying to talk to a brick wall, my friend.

[krrrt]

Please, please, please, please don't do that, krrrt! Nothing good at all is going to come for it. I don't know what you heard, but using again is likely only going to numb the pain for a moment, but you're setting yourself back for years. It's not worth it at all. Please don't! I know that you know it's not going to help anything, so please just think it out. People are really strange; she might be completely changed and happy again tomorrow. Just give it some time, but whatever you do, no matter what, don't start using again!

Don't worry, I won't. I am fully aware of the implications that would have and how much it would set me back in life and on a personal level. But yeah, the thing I heard is just some shit that happened when we were broken up that's really getting into my head, even though rationally it's not all that bad. I guess it's probably the long-distance thing warping everything out of proportion here. I'm pretty sure I would still be pissed off and hurt were she in my vicinity, but a lot less so and a lot less drama-queen-ish lol.

I realize I'm a bit late on this, so maybe my advice here is too late but hopefully you've maintained your self control and have yet to relapsed. I was approaching 6 months clean (the longest I've been in years) from my vice when my situation started to happen. Unfortunately, I handled it wrong and relapsed. Yes, I felt better for a brief moment, but after it was over I felt 100x worse, because not only did my emotional problems not go away, but now I had the guilt of my relapse and all the hard work I put in to get to that point was lost. I felt miserable, and now I have to start all over. Don't make the same mistake I did, please. You'll regret it.

Thanks man, that's what I was thinking and what got me through. Also the thought of making the girl I love and hope to marry some day into a trigger to relapse is just wrong on so many levels. It's just the standard junkie urge of facing difficult feelings and wanting to erase them by using. Which does work, but only for as long as you keep using. That's a one way street if there ever was one.

So you can rest assured, I did not and will not start using again because of this, not only because I know the repercussions, but also because I just don't want to. I won't allow myself to be 'that guy'. Imagine how my girlfriend would feel if I would relapse because of something she told me. Not exactly promoting honesty there huh.

[Izick]

That's good to hear! :P

Just remember, it's good that she was honest about it, and while I don't know the extent of how bad it was, you both were broken up. Obviously nobody's perfect, and it probably took a lot of guts just to tell you the truth. Try to shake it off as best you can, and move on forward!

[krrrt]

That's good to hear! :P Just remember, it's good that she was honest about it, and while I don't know the extent of how bad it was, you both were broken up. Obviously nobody's perfect, and it probably took a lot of guts just to tell you the truth. Try to shake it off as best you can, and move on forward!

It's really not that bad, I'd tell you, but I'd rather not have it here in writing, as I don't like to shittalk my girlfriend publicly in the off chance she would stalk my neogaf-account. (Which she knows about so it could happen)

And I'm probably unconciously just looking for reasons to shoot dope again.

[Izick]

It's really not that bad, I'd tell you, but I'd rather not have it here in writing, as I don't like to shittalk my girlfriend publicly in the off chance she would stalk my neogaf-account. (Which she knows about so it could happen) And I'm probably unconciously just looking for reasons to shoot dope again.

Yeah, it's probably for the best that you don't....shit talk your girlfriend or shoot dope again, that is. :p

The thing that I would do, personally, would be to try and put yourself in their shoes. Think if you had done what she did, or something to the same extent. What if you were truthfully sorry for it as well? I know it doesn't suck any less, but it might be able to help you understand it and forgive.

[hawkshockey11]

I don't know, it just sounds like she's bitter about some dude that toyed with her and dumped her 3 times, and she probably is (maybe subconsciously or on purpose) planning to do the same with you. That is unless you did something or said something really horrible, which doesn't sound to be the case. Here's what I think you should do. Just ask her, whatever way it's more likely to respond, whether it be Facebook or in a text, why exactly she's being so cold to you still? Just be simple and clear about it, and if she doesn't respond, there's no reason to worry and keep trying to talk to a brick wall, my friend.

I have no idea how to word something like that without sounding like I'm desperate and in need of her attention.

[Izick]

I have no idea how to word something like that without sounding like I'm desperate and in need of her attention.

"Hey XXXXXX, I just wanted to ask you why you've been so cold to me lately? I know that we broke up, but I don't understand why we can't still be friends. I'm just honestly curious, it something I did when we were together?"

Just say that, and if she doesn't respond, move on. It's better to know than just wondering for however long. What have you got to lose?

[hawkshockey11]

"Hey XXXXXX, I just wanted to ask you why you've been so cold to me lately? I know that we broke up, but I don't understand why we can't still be friends. I'm just honestly curious, it something I did when we were together?" Just say that, and if she doesn't respond, move on. It's better to know than just wondering for however long. What have you got to lose?

My dignity.

and it would get my hopes up for most likely nothing. And then I get a little depressed.

You are right though, It can't get any "worse" so I mine as well try.

[TheSchwab_7]

My dignity. and it would get my hopes up for most likely nothing. And then I get a little depressed. You are right though, It can't get any "worse" so I mine as well try.

At least you would get that closure if she didn't respond. If she doesn't respond then you know she isn't worth your time and probably doesn't want to be friends. Just my own experience.

[Klyka]

So guys, I treated myself to a nice cake.

Anyone want a slice?
Feeling pretty damn great :D

[Hoo-doo]

So guys, I treated myself to a nice cake. Anyone want a slice? Feeling pretty damn great :D

Congrats!

[mcrae]

So guys, I treated myself to a nice cake. Anyone want a slice? Feeling pretty damn great :D

i accidentally hooked up with a coworker the other day, in the mornign after she slept over. about 5 hours later we're bbm'ing and
"guess what im listening to"
"*dumb answers*
"nope, this: *link to i just had sex"

she said that she would have to bake me another cake sometime. sweet. lol

[JokerOfSpades]

So guys, I treated myself to a nice cake. Anyone want a slice? Feeling pretty damn great :D

Nice, dude!