[jimi_dini]

http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/gu...t-being-maced/

The fifth and last point: Don’t rape.

Now that I read it, I will make sure that I am never going to rape anyone. Oh wait, no. I wouldn't have raped anyone before, so why did she write this? If I was a rapist, it wouldn't bother me. And if I'm not, I would get pretty disturbed by it in fact I am quite disturbed by it.

I should add my own point: never be in contact with a woman such as this one.

[snoopen]

lol.

[Mitama]

Actually I don't wanna think too much about it. She'll probably forget the rule someday herself lol.

I dunno man.. Those rules are pretty damn wack. Why would your gf straight up tell you she doesn't want to have sex every single day? Don't you think that's a bit strange? And not seeing each other when you're sick? That's even stranger, like she cares more about not getting a cough than being there and taking care of you. Maybe it's your psychotic ex trying to influence her. :p

[Chinner]

heres a rule dont date crazy people

[Anastacio]

I dunno man.. Those rules are pretty damn wack. Why would your gf straight up tell you she doesn't want to have sex every single day? Don't you think that's a bit strange? And not seeing each other when you're sick? That's even stranger, like she cares more about not getting a cough than being there and taking care of you. Maybe it's your psychotic ex trying to influence her. :p

Shit, I hope not lol. I dunno, I just don't know what to think about it all. Or what to do about it.

And she's really not crazy. She is way more open minded than any of my exes. Could also be, that she's just trying out what works and what might not.

[defel]

Shit, I hope not lol. I dunno, I just don't know what to think about it all. Or what to do about it. And she's really not crazy. She is way more open minded than any of my exes. Could also be, that she's just trying out what works and what might not.

Ask yourself whether sex is an important part of the relationship for you. Know your boundaries. She set her boundaries and she has every right to do that. You have every right to do the same.

[Idde]

Geez, now my gf is starting to set up rules, that we can't have sex everytime we are together (fine with me) and that we can't see each other when one of us is sick. I just dislike rules in general lol. =/

How long have you two been together? Because those are some serious red flags. If she's really controlling`in the beginning stage, and you're giving her too much leeway, that's bound to bite you in the ass in the end.

Texting oddly enough tends to work against you before a proper relationship. It gives people time to think, digest, and review. It doesn't separate you from someone else all that much or convey messages properly, and worse still... if you give an open question that has no tangible meaning that requires a response, you'll be left waiting. If you had texted, "Quick, I need the answer to the capital of Fiji to win $10,000. We'll split the difference." She'd have texted you back asap. What you asked her has no sense of urgency, especially if she is as busy as you describe so she might not text back or text back whenever she feels like it. I'm not a long-time texter and all I can say is that I'm not a fan of it prior to something more committed. Keep it short, simple, and more goal oriented since all those great conversations you could be having can be bettered by associating it with your physical presence. Even a phone call is better really since you get around that planning and thinking of a text by going straight to building rapport. And congrats Hylian! I remember you posting in previous Dating Age incarnations, sounds like you've come a long way. With a cool girlfriend as a result! When you receive a text, try more direct phrases that position you closer to your goal, that being that you want to go out with her and from there you want to express your interest. Something like: "Looks about right. I'm on my way there in a bit actually, meet me at X in about an hour and we can go together. It really is the coolest gym in all of Amsterdam/Holland and I'll show you why." Now you're a lot closer to your goal in one single message than anything. It doesn't have to be the exact message since I don't know what the timescale of events is but it shows the mindset you should have to get together, have a fun time, and give you a platform to ask her out. Also consider what you're saying. From what I gather she is asking you where a climbing gym is, and presumably she would be asking since she hadn't been there, so asking her if she's been there is a bit redundant. It's very difficult to give specific help since a lot of information is lacking. You may be able to get away with a second text that seems like an appended message to the first, which completely ignores the fact you said anything other than yes and then added something along the lines I mentioned however it looks like too much time has passed. Another alternative is the phone call so long as you know she hasn't been there. "Hi this is X. I'm planning to go to the gym on Saturday and my partner fell sick. If you're still set on going I can show you the best way to get there. I'll need to know by tomorrow though so call me as soon as possible." Just remember to never follow-up this reasonable message with absolutely anything until a reply is had. Otherwise sit tight and wait for a reply and then go and do something like what I outlined in the text. There are actually many potential paths to take in any given situation, but you have to be dynamic and well prepared for it. This is all the easy stuff, since her personality is the biggest thing to deal with. Again this is why one on one is the best form of communication a thousand times over.

Thanks for the really great advice. Exactly what I need. About the bolded, I'm not worried about that part at all. Last week we had pretty good chemistry, so I'm quite certain that we'll have a blast. Actually, we had a pretty great time, and I'm fairly certain she's the love of my life. And I have a hunch she feels te same way too. She seemed pretty speechless and flattered when I told her this. So no worries in that regard. No worries :)

[Kanguro]

So GAF, I hooked up with one of my best friends who also happens to have a boyfriend she's been with 5 years. Now she's devastated because she doesn't know what to do about her relationship and I'm hating myself for putting her in that position...

Is there anything to be done / said in this situation? I'm really feeling like shit.

[Mitama]

Ask yourself whether sex is an important part of the relationship for you. Know your boundaries. She set her boundaries and she has every right to do that. You have every right to do the same.

It's not about setting limits though; there's nothing wrong with her not wanting to have sex everytime they see each other. It's just the way she brought it up that's kinda weird to me. Why would you tell your partner "I'd rather not have sex all the time..." unless he has satyriasis, that is. :D

[Mitama]

So GAF, I hooked up with one of my best friends who also happens to have a boyfriend she's been with 5 years. Now she's devastated because she doesn't know what to do about her relationship and I'm hating myself for putting her in that position... Is there anything to be done / said in this situation? I'm really feeling like shit.

What I always think in these situations is "do I really want to be with a girl when she can fall for another guy and drop her relationship just like that?". Especially since they've been together for 5 years, that kinda blows. :/

[Kanguro]

What I always think in these situations is "do I really want to be with a girl when she can fall for another guy and drop her relationship just like that?". Especially since they've been together for 5 years, that kinda blows. :/

It's not so much that want to be with her (in fact, I'm pretty sure she would rather things stayed the way they were before), it's that I really care about her as a person and I know she's absolutely hating herself for what happened. I just don't know if there's anything I can say or do to make her not feel that way about herself...

[Log4Girlz]

heres a rule dont date crazy people

Girls know this, that's why we're single.

[Anastacio]

Ask yourself whether sex is an important part of the relationship for you. Know your boundaries. She set her boundaries and she has every right to do that. You have every right to do the same.

How long have you two been together? Because those are some serious red flags. If she's really controlling`in the beginning stage, and you're giving her too much leeway, that's bound to bite you in the ass in the end. Thanks for the really great advice. Exactly what I need. About the bolded, I'm not worried about that part at all. Last week we had pretty good chemistry, so I'm quite certain that we'll have a blast. Actually, we had a pretty great time, and I'm fairly certain she's the love of my life. And I have a hunch she feels te same way too. She seemed pretty speechless and flattered when I told her this. So no worries in that regard. No worries :)

I told her I'm a bit sick (to test it out) and then she told me the rules we made yesterday and then I asked her when I agreed with those rules. Then she told me I have a bad memory, and I said lets meet then anyway and she replied "hehehe ok ok". I don't think her rules are too serious.

And about the sex, to me it's totally fine she don't want it all the time, even I don't want it all the time. It's just weird to me that she randomly brought it up in a message.

[Danielsan]

Well I’m giving online dating a shot again. Recently went on a date with what could easily be described as the biggest miss-matches in my dating career. Prior to our date we had only exchanged a couple of long e-mails. The conversation was mostly standard fare, but she seemed alright based on the emails and here photos. Granted, a couple of exchanged emails is not the greatest foundation to base a date on, but hey you never really know until you meet in person. I asked her out and we met for a drink. The entire time it felt like I had to drag everything out of her. One hour in I already noticed her eyeing her watch and honestly, I felt the same way. We could not be more incompatible and I probably bored her as much a she bored me. After 2 hours we walked back to the train station, said goodbye and that was the end of that. That was 3 weeks ago or so.

This Tuesday I received a message from a girl who complimented me on my profile and pictures. Initially I wasn’t sure whether or not to respond. She didn’t have a profile picture so that’s immediately a red flag given the type of people that venture dating sites. But in the end I figured I had nothing to lose so I shot her a brief message thanking her for the compliments, complimented her on her profile text and teased her about her lack of pictures. She quickly responded and gave me her instant messenger where she did have pictures. Turns out she was actually a really good looking girl who didn’t feel comfortable having her pictures on display. We ended up chatting until past midnight and I have to say, it’s been long time since I had that much fun chatting with someone. At the end of the conversation she asked me if I had a smartphone with whatsapp and whether or not she could have my phone number. I was a bit surprised for her to be so forward and that fast, but I gladly obliged. From our two hour conversation I had a pretty decent image of her and she definitely did not seem the crazy stalker type. Next morning she texted me at work for a bit and after work we pretty much texted and chatted until midnight again. It's only a minor point, but I love the fact that she decided to innate the conversation the next morning. Goes to show she's genuinely interested.

We’ve barely scratched the surface of the standard things you talk about as you try to get to know someone, and yet we’ve managed to fill up about 5-6 hours. So far so good. At least over instant messaging we seem have to have great chemistry. At the end of last night’s convo I asked her out and she gladly replied with a yes. We still have to decide on the details (which we’ll do today), but man, it’s been a while since I’ve been this excited to go on a date with someone. Hoping to meet up soon (preferably this Saturday). Will keep you guys posted.

[Boozeroony]

Well I’m giving online dating a shot again. Recently went on a date with what could easily be described as the biggest miss-matches in my dating career. Prior to our date we had only exchanged a couple of long e-mails. The conversation was mostly standard fare, but she seemed alright based on the emails and here photos. Granted, a couple of exchanged emails is not the greatest foundation to base a date on, but hey you never really know until you meet in person. I asked her out and we met for a drink. The entire time it felt like I had to drag everything out of her. One hour in I already noticed her eyeing her watch and honestly, I felt the same way. We could not be more incompatible and I probably bored her as much a she bored me. After 2 hours we walked back to the train station, said goodbye and that was the end of that. That was 3 weeks ago or so. This Tuesday I received a message from a girl who complimented me on my profile and pictures. Initially I wasn’t sure whether or not to respond. She didn’t have a profile picture so that’s immediately a red flag given the type of people that venture dating sites. But in the end I figured I had nothing to lose so I shot her a brief message thanking her for the compliments, complimented her on her profile text and teased her about her lack of pictures. She quickly responded and gave me her instant messenger where she did have pictures. Turns out she was actually a really good looking girl who didn’t feel comfortable having her pictures on display. We ended up chatting until past midnight and I have to say, it’s been long time since I had that much fun chatting with someone. At the end of the conversation she asked me if I had a smartphone with whatsapp and whether or not she could have my phone number. I was a bit surprised for her to be so forward and that fast, but I gladly obliged. From our two hour conversation I had a pretty decent image of her and she definitely did not seem the crazy stalker type. Next morning she texted me at work for a bit and after work we pretty much texted and chatted until midnight again. It's only a minor point, but I love the fact that she decided to innate the conversation the next morning. Goes to show she's genuinely interested. We’ve barely scratched the surface of the standard things you talk about as you try to get to know someone, and yet we’ve managed to fill up about 5-6 hours. So far so good. At least over instant messaging we seem have to have great chemistry. At the end of last night’s convo I asked her out and she gladly replied with a yes. We still have to decide on the details (which we’ll do today), but man, it’s been a while since I’ve been this excited to go on a date with someone. Hoping to meet up soon (preferably this Saturday). Will keep you guys posted.

As I fellow Dutchman and veteran internet dater, I need to know your dating site. ;)

[Idde]

As I fellow Dutchman and veteran internet dater, I need to know your dating site. ;)

Seconded :)

[grumble]

It's not so much that want to be with her (in fact, I'm pretty sure she would rather things stayed the way they were before), it's that I really care about her as a person and I know she's absolutely hating herself for what happened. I just don't know if there's anything I can say or do to make her not feel that way about herself...

Dude, she just cheated on her boyfriend of five years. She should feel like shit.

There are two camps on your side. First one is that you have no responsibility for a sexual parrner's relationship, second is that by helping someone. Heat on their partner you are an enabler and a sleaze. I tend to think in camp two.

As her friend though why would you do that? Friends wouldn't do that to each other. Do you have feelings for this girl?

[Danielsan]

As I fellow Dutchman and veteran internet dater, I need to know your dating site. ;)

Seconded :)

The first date was from relatieplanet which I suspect you guys are familiar with. The downside with relatieplanet is that you have to be a paying member if you want to send text messages, see more than 1 profile picture, etc.. On the upside, the quality of the dating pool is better than most sites.

The second girl is from dating2000 which is a free dating site that recently (this week) relaunched with a new design. The dating pool is very limited and the website is slow as shit, but it’s entirely free which means it’s a great site to keep on the side.

[Boozeroony]

The first date was from relatieplanet which I suspect you guys are familiar with. The downside with relatieplanet is that you have to be a paying member if you want to send text messages, see more than 1 profile picture, etc.. On the upside, the quality of the dating pool is better than most sites. The second girl is from dating2000 which is a free dating site that recently (this week) relaunched with a new design. The dating pool is very limited and the website is slow as shit, but it’s entirely free which means it’s a great site to keep on the side.

paiq.nl man. You will thank me later.

i've had 30+ dates via paiq and half of them ended in either one-night-stands, short flings and even a relationship.

[Danielsan]

paiq.nl man. You will thank me later. i've had 30+ dates via paiq and half of them ended in either one-night-stands, short flings and even a relationship.

Thanks man. Never heard of that one before. Will check it out if things don't work out with the new girl.

[Boozeroony]

Thanks man. Never heard of that one before. Will check it out if things don't work out with the new girl.

You (and other Dutchies) can PM me for additional info. Hell, I can even hook you up ;).

[TheSchwab_7]

So last night I got really drunk with my girlfriend and our friends....i told her that I really liked her and stuff and she started crying. good tears tho.

Then we wokeup hungover as fuck and she asked me if I remembered anything I said and thats the only thing I really remember lol. Sweet jesus tequila shots never again.

It feels good having someone you can just click with. Were totally opposite but we just go well together. It just feels right. Making breakfast together, doing dishes, idk it sounds weird but its just awesome having someone with me.

[Kinitari]

lol.

I'm a really nice guy and I get girls spectacularly easy.

[grumble]

I'm a really nice guy and I get girls spectacularly easy.

Well there's a key difference between being a considerate person and a 'nice guy' who tries to get close to her without making a decisive move, showers her with affection, etc in the hope that all this attention will get rewarded sexually. The 'nice guy' is manipulative and cowardly.

[luckyboyceo]

So last night I got really drunk with my girlfriend and our friends....i told her that I really liked her and stuff and she started crying. good tears tho. Then we wokeup hungover as fuck and she asked me if I remembered anything I said and thats the only thing I really remember lol. Sweet jesus tequila shots never again. It feels good having someone you can just click with. Were totally opposite but we just go well together. It just feels right. Making breakfast together, doing dishes, idk it sounds weird but its just awesome having someone with me.

This is dangerous, my man. My tequila phase was short lived (thank god). Now even the smell of it makes me want to vomit.

Sounds like things are going well for you. Glad to hear it.

[Etrian Oddity]

Well there's a key difference between being a considerate person and a 'nice guy' who tries to get close to her without making a decisive move, showers her with affection, etc in the hope that all this attention will get rewarded sexually. The 'nice guy' is manipulative and cowardly.

There are plenty of actual nice guys (read: "considerate person") who still have enormous trouble finding a girl, though. Boring, being labeled not sexual, or lack of chemistry are plenty of things most girls nowadays throw onto genuinely nice guys.

[grumble]

There are plenty of actual nice guys (read: "considerate person") who still have enormous trouble finding a girl, though. Boring, being labeled not sexual, or lack of chemistry are plenty of things most girls nowadays throw onto genuinely nice guys.

Maybe it's because they are boring, not sexually assertive and not being able to present themselves well?

I mean at the end of the day if someone gets in shape, is confident, assertive, has independent interests, is adequate socially and is moderately confident it's not impossible to meet a girl by any means. All of the above are traits you acquire through effort.

[Kinitari]

Well there's a key difference between being a considerate person and a 'nice guy' who tries to get close to her without making a decisive move, showers her with affection, etc in the hope that all this attention will get rewarded sexually. The 'nice guy' is manipulative and cowardly.

I don't know if I like the idea of placing a negative connotation around the term nice guy. I think that feeds into the illusion that being nice is bad.

I just want it to be clear - being nice does not immediately mean girls wont want to be with you/bang you or whatever. False niceness or otherwise, being nice is generally viewed upon as a positive trait, don't let the emotionally damaged or immature let you assume anything about an entire sex.

Be a nice, funny, in shape guy - and you'll have tons and tons of girls. Simple as that, no complications, no nuanced definitions of 'nice guy' or what it entails.

[Xun]

you doing the "I believe........I know" NLP?

Yeah I am.

Seems to work a bit, even after only doing it for a week!

A job is a bit like dating. It takes effort to acquire and becomes a big part of your life. However, you have to start somewhere. (Well, a job is more important, because no job equals no money, and no money equals no life. You can survive forever alone.) People here write horror stories about clingy girls and crazy exes. Similarly, employed folks may tell you about crazy coworkers and harsh bosses. But until you've experienced it yourself, you can't make a final decision on it. I know many people with 9-5 jobs who have a social life and do random projects on the side. Friday afternoon they're packing up for a weekend getaway. Long weekend? Fly somewhere. A lot of events happen during off-work hours. Your life doesn't end when you get a job. If you love what you do, don't commute forever, and your coworkers become your friends, then you'll like spending 40 hours a week doing it. Think about how you spend your time now. Without the 9-5, are you always socializing? Do you find unlimited time for your projects? Are you driving 8 hours a day? Getting the band together 24/7? tl;dr a job isn't the end of the world, work/life balance is tricky but doable.

True.

I just wish to live my youth, since I haven't at all yet.

I don't even want a relationship, I just honestly want something a bit more casual.

It just feels to me I'm past that age now, and it just gets me down.

I'm panicking inside because I'm growing up faster than I want to, and it just seems like there's no fun for me to have.

I just feel like all my options are closing on me.

Anyway I know I've been drinking a bit tonight, but that's just how I feel.

[Etrian Oddity]

Maybe it's because they are boring, not sexually assertive and not being able to present themselves well? I mean at the end of the day if someone gets in shape, is confident, assertive, has independent interests, is adequate socially and is moderately confident it's not impossible to meet a girl by any means. All of the above are traits you acquire through effort.

Ah, but according to whom? Is he boring because he doesn't participate in an extreme sport or do "edgy" things like party hard or do drugs? Is he not sexually assertive just because he doesn't like to be crass or make immediate sexual comments? (The not presenting himself well is reasonable, however.)

It's not a black or white issue, that's the thing.

[ReiGun]

Is a week after the first date too soon for the second? The girl is a little introverted, if that matters.
I feel a little silly every time I come in here with basic ass questions and y'all are talking about real shit. Lol

[luckyboyceo]

Is a week after the first date too soon for the second? The girl is a little introverted, if that matters. I feel a little silly every time I come in here with basic ass questions and y'all are talking about real shit. Lol

Not at all, that's generally about the timeframe I use. I'd say that's around the perfect time for a 2nd date.

[Atrus]

Thanks for the really great advice. Exactly what I need. About the bolded, I'm not worried about that part at all. Last week we had pretty good chemistry, so I'm quite certain that we'll have a blast. Actually, we had a pretty great time, and I'm fairly certain she's the love of my life. And I have a hunch she feels te same way too. She seemed pretty speechless and flattered when I told her this. So no worries in that regard. No worries :)

Good, but keep in mind that your initial perceptions may not always be correct. I've done the whole turn a girl red, speechless, and shiveringly nervous thing too and she became an ice queen by the time we went out. We're talking the span of a day or two. The primary reason for that was largely an innate defense mechanism caused by years of basically sleeping with a fair number of guys that didn't care about her, and as it turned out, I was taking her on her first date ever at 27 =/.

The mind is a complex thing, especially when it comes to emotions and girls. Some people have a nature and then a nurture that can be quite opposite; one may be more accepting of you and the other coldly critical and defensive. You name it, even if you do everything perfectly, there is no absolute certainty that things will be as was when you you last left her.

Always remember that as a participant, we're biased in our perceptions so the key here is to read her physical expressions (again why I advocate one on one contact) and mentally catalog the emotions they relate to. This allows you to be on top of what she feels rather than what she says or does. If not, you'll find that you may be blindsided or confused by certain reactions or revelations and this is how the internet is a bastion for dating angst.

Have fun and more success to you, but keep that mindset in the back of your brain that's going to really listen to what she says and does and their implications. It'll help you communicate even better and help you better plan around any bumps in the road better than the guy that says "OMG Bitches be crazy! Help GAF!". Odds are, I bet that guy didn't really watch and listen.

[Anastacio]

Alright, I'm actually kinda bummed right now. My gf won't even let me touch her face or butt, weird. And we were going for a silent walk this night, yet it ended with her singing at a bar again. And her getting a phone number from another guy. It's okay with me, yet I feel a bit under appreciated right about now.

Another thing is that she always want to party but I just can't do it, it's not in me. I have tried but it's exhausting me.

[ReiGun]

Not at all, that's generally about the timeframe I use. I'd say that's around the perfect time for a 2nd date.

Cool beans. Time to get the ball rolling on that.

[Atrus]

Alright, I'm actually kinda bummed right now. My gf won't even let me touch her face or butt, weird. And we were going for a silent walk this night, yet it ended with her singing at a bar again. And her getting a phone number from another guy. It's okay with me, yet I feel a bit under appreciated right about now.

I'm going to ignore the touching thing but as for the rest, who plans what and who leads in the date? It doesn't really seem like you were because I have no idea how she could be the one getting a phone number from another guy if you were actively leading, cause you should be leading away from that. You also used the word 'yet' which seems to indicate that your original night was a 'silent' walk yet she led to the bar to go singing.

You also shouldn't be fine if she actively gets numbers from other guys while you are out together unless you have some sort of open relationship thing going. (I could be misreading your phrasing)

If your idea was the silent walk to begin with and hers was to go singing in a bar, I would also think that you've miscalculated her interest. Silence vs. noise, no attention vs. center of attention are completely different things and you have to realign your strategy to match or you're going to keep being under-appreciated.

[Anastacio]

The deal was for us to go a silent walk because both of us were tired and I have been working my ass off the whole day. But she happens to have friends everywhere, calling friends and telling me she is sleeping with her best friend who happens to be a guy. She said she don't wanna be with friends this night but again we ended up with friends.

I think she likes getting numbers from both girls and guys. She just wanted the number of this one guy cause she wanna see him dance.

And she don't like if one sets boundaries to her like that. Next time I don't feel like going out with her, it always ends with party. Party party party. I don't know how to change my strategy? To tell her not to get other guys numbers? It feels restrictive to do so. I know I should have told her today that I didn't wanna go to the bar as I had told her earlier. I honestly don't wanna go with her to her friends place (again) tomorrow.

Maybe I'm just sad or bummed out right now.
I need to get back some control here, I need to man up I think.

[Atrus]

The deal was for us to go a silent walk because both of us were tired and I have been working my ass off the whole day. But she happens to have friends everywhere, calling friends and telling me she is sleeping with her best friend who happens to be a guy. I think she likes getting numbers from both girls and guys. She just wanted the number of this one guy cause she wanna see him dance. And she don't like if one sets boundaries to her like that. Next time I don't feel like going out with her, it always ends with party. Party party party. I don't know how to change my strategy? To tell her not to get other guys numbers? It feels restrictive to do so. I know I should have told her today that I didn't wanna go to the bar as I had told her earlier. I honestly don't wanna go with her to her friends place (again) tomorrow. Maybe I'm just sad or bummed out right now.

Honestly, she doesn't really seem like a girlfriend and more than a buddy. I'm not actually seeing the relationship here unless you're into those open relationship type scenarios and you're equally like her and haven't told us.

Maybe she's sweet on you some times but a relationship, and that's what it should be at the Girlfriend/Boyfriend stage, involves both of you being more significant to one another than random people.

I'd probably check up on whether your expectations and her expectations of what you have together and would look forward to are the same. It doesn't seem like they might be and oddly enough, the non-communication of such things is actually why some relationships persist until there's a lull and people are forced to take a look at it.

[Anastacio]

We are both okay with going to parties and letting each other dance and sing with others and mingle and talk and all that. Getting friends is great as well, but I can't help but feel like shit when she tells me directly she is just gonna get that guys number cause she wanna see him dance. And then when we get home, I can't even touch her gently (no sex, that's not what I'm after), as she want to sleep, but seriously, I should be allowed to touch her gently for just a little bit.

I'm not sure I wanna treat this as a relationship anymore either. I don't know, maybe I'm just really emotionally affected right now after a bad night to say the least.

I mean, we are close still and she have already introduced her mother to me and many of her friends and she introduce me as her boyfriend etc.

But she just like going out every day, and I'm coming from a 'staying home' life to developing myself more into a 'going out' guy, but it's exhausting. I'm not so bothered about her picking up numbers or sleeping with her best friend, it's more that she wanna go out every day, and that's exhausting to me.

Anyway, maybe I should back off a little and not take this too seriously, not yet at least.

Btw, it have to be said our relationship is still only 2 weeks old. So we are still just learning about each other.

[Cubsfan23]

bail out

[Atramental]

We are both okay with going to parties and letting each other dance and sing with others and mingle and talk and all that. Getting friends is great as well, but I can't help but feel like shit when she tells me directly she is just gonna get that guys number cause she wanna see him dance. And then when we get home, I can't even touch her gently (no sex, that's not what I'm after), as she want to sleep, but seriously, I should be allowed to touch her gently for just a little bit. I'm not sure I wanna treat this as a relationship anymore either. I don't know, maybe I'm just really emotionally affected right now after a bad night to say the least. I mean, we are close still and she have already introduced her mother to me and many of her friends and she introduce me as her boyfriend etc. But she just like going out every day, and I'm coming from a 'staying home' life to developing myself more into a 'going out' guy, but it's exhausting. I'm not so bothered about her picking up numbers or sleeping with her best friend, it's more that she wanna go out every day, and that's exhausting to me. Anyway, maybe I should back off a little and not take this too seriously, not yet at least. Btw, it have to be said our relationship is still only 2 weeks old. So we are still just learning about each other.

No. You're becoming her pet!

Bail out and save yourself a TON of trouble.

I'm being dead serious.

[Anastacio]

That's what I'm thinking as well. Like a pet. And that's why it's hard for me to even hug her here in bed, I can't even sleep.

On the other side, maybe I just need to give her a little competition (in lack of a better word), to give her some no's etc.

[grumble]

That's what I'm thinking as well. Like a pet. And that's why it's hard for me to even hug her here in bed, I can't even sleep. On the other side, maybe I just need to give her a little competition (in lack of a better word), to give her some no's etc.

Dump her.

[Anastacio]

It's just easier said than done. It can't be this black/white. I mean, she will never leave me alone when we are out in case something will happen to me, she asks me if I wanna go home. We also trust each other, thus we can let each other dance, mingle and sing with others. She always reaches my hand when other guys get a bit too interested in her etc. but then again, there's also the other sides I have described in previous posts, though again nobody's perfect. :/

[luckyboyceo]

Anastacio, I haven't been following your situation but honestly, I don't need to. Bail out. Those signs are no good.

I understand you may feel like any relationship with her right now is better than none at all, but trust me, you can and will find someone better and without all these rules of hers.

[windowlurker]

Give her a taste of her own medicine, Anastacio.

[Anastacio]

I feel like shit right now. She's sleeping right beside me. It just annoys me when I told her already that I had no energy for party or bars that she then takes us to a bar anyway because her friend happens to be there. I guess I'll drive her home and then try make this relationship a little bit more on my terms. Like not going out to parties and instead taking it slow. Bailing out is also an option but still, I should give us a chance I guess. :/ I dunno why, my mind is just everywhere at this very moment.

Edit: she just told me to wake her up at 8, I asked her if she don't have an alarm. Then she told me to give her phone and I said nah lol. She's fine.

[tranciful]

The deal was for us to go a silent walk because both of us were tired and I have been working my ass off the whole day. But she happens to have friends everywhere, calling friends and telling me she is sleeping with her best friend who happens to be a guy. She said she don't wanna be with friends this night but again we ended up with friends. I think she likes getting numbers from both girls and guys. She just wanted the number of this one guy cause she wanna see him dance. And she don't like if one sets boundaries to her like that. Next time I don't feel like going out with her, it always ends with party. Party party party. I don't know how to change my strategy? To tell her not to get other guys numbers? It feels restrictive to do so. I know I should have told her today that I didn't wanna go to the bar as I had told her earlier. I honestly don't wanna go with her to her friends place (again) tomorrow. Maybe I'm just sad or bummed out right now. I need to get back some control here, I need to man up I think.

Relationships aren't about control. If she wants to go out and party and get guys numbers so she can watch them dance or whatever that means, she's going to do those things -- if you tried to keep her from doing what she enjoys, she'd be just as unhappy as you are when you get dragged out to parties you don't want to go to.

You call her your gf, but it doesn't sound anything like a gf to me. I don't know what I'd call it -- it's just weird. If you can't even touch her, she's not into you. She isn't providing what you need in a relationship. There doesn't seem to be any reason for you to stick around. I know you probably don't want to end it because you don't want to be alone or whatever, but at the moment it sounds really unhealthy. I'd at least start to distance yourself from her -- start trying to meet other women who you're more compatible with.

edit: Reading through your posts, there are so many red flags it's not even funny. I want to believe you're trolling us.

1. She's sleeping with another guy
2. She likes to party and you hate partying
3. She gets other guys numbers while she's out with you
4. She doesn't let you touch her
5. FYI, you should be after sex
6. You've only been.. whatever (I'm not going to call it dating) for two weeks. I hope you've learned that she isn't right for you.

[TheSchwab_7]

Dump her like a ton of bricks.

[Discotheque]

That's not a girlfriend. That's an acquaintance who you have feelings for.