[Houston3000]

He was banned for a post most likely in the Women are better than men thread, not here. And I still have trouble getting it up around my girlfriend, it's really quite embrassing. I don't know how people can make out for hours, after 5-10 minutes, it's completely limp down there, and impossible to get back up. :(

Are you escalating during your make-out sessions?

I don't want to sound silly but, I mean, are you doing more than kissing? Get a little grope on, don't just hold her shoulder or touch her cheek for 10 minutes. Start grabbing her ass, undressing her, taking off her top, pulling her on top of your lap, kissing her neck, her ears, etc... let her do the same, in-fact, maybe even encourage her to if she's a slow starter.

Foreplay is a huge part of keeping it fun for a long time. I don't think anyone just "makes-out" for hours before sex though... after 15 or 20 minutes if we're not already in the sack it's pretty damn close to couch banging. There was this one girl I would have long make-out sessions with but they were usually interspersed between cuddling over Netflix or something, mostly because she didn't want to go all the way with me until a week or two into our relationship

[electricshake]

So do you guys normally let the girl broach the subject of exclusivity and when you go from just dating to being in a relationship? I don't want to rush things but this feels right.

[Neki]

Are you escalating during your make-out sessions? I don't want to sound silly but, I mean, are you doing more than kissing? Get a little grope on, don't just hold her shoulder or touch her cheek for 10 minutes. Start grabbing her ass, undressing her, taking off her top, pulling her on top of your lap, kissing her neck, her ears, etc... let her do the same, in-fact, maybe even encourage her to if she's a slow starter. Foreplay is a huge part of keeping it fun for a long time. I don't think anyone just "makes-out" for hours before sex though... after 15 or 20 minutes if we're not already in the sack it's pretty damn close to couch banging. There was this one girl I would have long make-out sessions with but they were usually interspersed between cuddling over Netflix or something, mostly because she didn't want to go all the way with me until a week or two into our relationship

Yeah, we're definitely escalating past kissing, but I don't know, it's just not doing it for me.

[Boozeroony]

That's definitely a fair point. I suspect women on paiq are a lot more serious rather than "just looking around". Again, I'll give it a whirl if things don't go as expected on Thursday, but I just prefer to know who I'm talking to before striking up a conversation. By the way. How much do you need to chat with someone before you unlock their photo?

I always keep my eye out for speeddates that pop up on the side of the screen. I only engage a chat if the "uiterlijkheden"-bar is above 8.5 and she is not too far away. If you've answered the questionnaire truthfully, the girls won't be incredibly ugly. If the subsequent chat turns out to be boring, you can cancel it without you losing one of the two free speeddates.

[Lone_Prodigy]

Firstly great post man, really has lightened me up a bit! Without having a job I just simply have the frame of mind that I'd be trapped, despite that not being the case. One of the companies I'm aiming for is contract based, and I think for where I am right now that'd work best. After that I'd really like to go traveling as you said, and it's definitely something I'll do in a few years. There's so much I want to do in my life right now, and I must do it. I enjoy various forms of art, and I really don't give myself enough credit of what I can actually do. Because of this I'd definitely like to mix things up a lot, and perhaps become a freelance jack of all trades. Alongside all of this I'm really determined to get my band going, not only because I enjoy playing, but because gigging would really help open me up as a person.

I agree that contract work would be really good for someone who's still unsure about their career ambitions and wants a more flexible work schedule. The downside is that it can be unpredictable, so if you want to work you may not get any (and vice versa). However, it's a good way to network and get experience (which would be invaluable when applying for more permanent positions).

Also, don't view a job as a trap. A bad job is just like a bad relationship: you can leave, and you can find something better. Don't stick it out and risk hurting yourself emotionally.

Anyway, it's great that you're so dedicated to accomplishing so much. Hope things work out for you.

[Locke_211]

Yeah, we're definitely escalating past kissing, but I don't know, it's just not doing it for me.

I really hope you take this as good advice, rather than as a joke or anything denigrating, but if you're having issues why not try something like Cialis? I've used it once when I got a big complex about sex and staying hard and it honestly worked like a dream.

EDIT: even if you're feeling not that relaxed, you will get hard with some stimulation and damn way stay hard. just doing it once with a little help can prove enormously beneficial to getting over the hurdles we place infront of ourselves!

There are reputable places online, in th UK at least, where you can do an online consultation that gets checked by a GP. I've bought it twice, once face-to-face and once from an online place, and it's exactly the same.

[Digishine]

FYI, reading some of the last few pages, I gotta say some of you guys would really benefit having a fuck buddy or friend with benefits or whatever you may call it. It makes things considerably less complicated for yourself, and for the girl youre attracted to. Relationships just tend to get messy and chaotic in the long run. Sent a birthday greeting to one of mine this weekend, and she replied thanking me and that she wants to meet some time soon over a cup of coffee or beer, and I should let her know when soonish.... well why not? I sure like where thats going. lololol how old is she? I'd take a guess at saying shes way too fucking underage for you. Ditch the bitch. If she sends anything similiar ignore that shit. You played completely into her trap.

She's 20.

[highluxury]

She's 20.

Shes young and immature. Those usually go hand in hand 85% of the time. No surprise.

[hawkshockey11]

Deleted my Ex from Facebook after she didn't respond to the polite message asking for the money now that she is back in town(and the past 5 or so "hi's"). Last I see of her and it feels awesome.

[highluxury]

Felt pretty bad last night, hence this mess of a post. Not nice going up and down like a fucking roller coaster all the time.

You would be surprised how many girls are looking for something casual with no strings attached dude.

So many are occupied by their education, work, private life and friends that they're not directly looking for something serious.

Besides, in a world where sex has become so accessible, love has become much harder to find.

[luckyboyceo]

I've been seeing this girl for a couple months. Seeing each other exclusively too, as I asked her a few weeks ago about that and she said yes. Anyway, here's my issues/question: I've asked her if she wants to be in a relationship. Like dating, not just seeing each other and she said she wasn't ready because she's still getting over a past relationship. I asked this a long time ago and was OK with it. But then over time we continued to see each other, sleep with each other and pretty much do everything an actual couple would do. This past weekend we just went camping and she met a bunch of my friends. She's told her friends about me, introduced me to her work friends and she posts my pics and pics of the gifts I've bought her on Facebook. So on the way home from camping I asked her again if she wanted to be in an actual relationship. She said she'd let me know when she was ready, and I asked if maybe she wasn't able to let go of the past 100%, and she replied that she hasn't talked to her ex in a long time and then I let that conversation end. I just didn't feel like it was the right time because we were traveling home from camp and we were both tired and kinda feeling the effects of a long weekend. So that's where I'm at with her. I'd say we've been pretty steady for about two months and we were close for a few weeks before that. Should I push for some actual reasons? Should I just wait it out or should I be looking for signs that maybe she's just looking for attention? She's young, at 21 (I'm 31) and she's a texter and Facebooker and she posts songs on her FB a lot to express her feelings. Last week she posted this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwpNOlbFw8w with the message "<3 True Story (I later asked if it was posted for me and she said yes). She also posted this one on the same night: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI-dj...eature=related with the message "also story of my life...." So it's obvious there's some emotional issues there (and even with myself I guess, how I develop feelings so quickly) and I realize it was probably a bad idea to get so involved but I guess I wanted it so badly but now I've fallen for this girl and I think about her all the time and I'm pouring out feelings for her but I don't feel like I'm getting them back. Don't get me wrong, it's great when we're together. She's affectionate, kissing me all the time in front of people, holds my hand, pinches my butt, etc. She's not shy and doesn't try to hide things. And I believe she's honest about everything. It's just confusing to me because I don't know how to really just relax and take it for what it is. I obviously didn't see the "slow down" sign when we started this relationship and now I'm speeding ahead and she's way behind. Even in that one song it says "five steps behind you" but it also says "just keep it coming until I make you mine". I want to pull back and bit including with the texting and everything and let her come to me but at the same time I'm afraid if I do that she might not come back, or that she'll think I'm the one trying to push her away. Thoughts and opinions greatly appreciated!

This is tricky. I have a lot of thoughts and I'm going to try and formulate them as well as I can, but my apologies if they aren't very concise. I will say that no, I don't think you should push for some actual reasons, and that I don't think you should read into her song choices that much. Most girls I know post things like that in the heat of the moment, and they usually aren't indicative of how they actually feel overall. That can be both good and bad, but basically I'd chalk that up as one less thing to worry about.

As for your main question, I can definitely see where you're coming from. I've gotten myself into situations before where I've been "speeding ahead" like you said and "didn't see the slow down sign" and it's put me in a very uncomfortably vulnerable position. I think a lot of this is because your relationship is still relatively new. You may have spent a lot of time together over the last two months, but in the grand scheme of things, two months is still very early in a relationship, and you've probably yet to develop a real strong level of trust that would prevent you from feeling the way that you do. It's also obvious that you really do have strong, genuine feelings for this girl, and these are causing you to want to protect your emotional investment by looking for answers to questions that you otherwise wouldn't care about. Not saying this is bad, I'm saying it's natural.

Honestly, I don't think pulling away is the right answer here. Primarily because of the reasons you listed, and that at this point, you've developed a communicative routine that if you change will signal to her that something is wrong. I also think it's much easier said than done. I would advise to put your emotions in cruise control for awhile, and see if you feel like she can catch up to you. Just steady out for a little bit and see what happens. I wish I could give you an example of what this feels like/means, but I think it's just one of those things that is applicable to each situation individually.

I have some more thoughts and parallels that I've drawn to some of my own relationships, but I'm going to hold off on posting them because I think it would only give you another thing to think about and that's not what you need right now. Pretty much I think this is a situation that's more about her and less about you. This may just be something she needs to handle on her own, in which case you just need to remain supportive and let her do that. I feel like if things have been going as good as you say they've been when you two are together, you shouldn't have too much to worry about. Ride it out for a little bit and let us know how things are going in a few weeks.

So do you guys normally let the girl broach the subject of exclusivity and when you go from just dating to being in a relationship? I don't want to rush things but this feels right.

If it feels right then I see nothing wrong with casually bringing up the subject. Hell, she's probably been thinking the same thing.

At the very least, even if she says she's not ready to be exclusive, at least you've had that discussion and know where you two stand. I imagine it'll go just fine though.

Deleted my Ex from Facebook after she didn't respond to the polite message asking for the money now that she is back in town(and the past 5 or so "hi's"). Last I see of her and it feels awesome.

That's good man, that's a big step. Out of sight, out of mind.

[Pollux]

Wel this is fucking awkward. she's moving out right now. and i'm going back to kentucky on friday and she's going to get the rest of her stuff while i'm gone. i'm not coming back, will be staying in kentucky for the summer and that's the end of it.

thanks for dealing with my back-and-forth crap on this relationship for the past few weeks Dating-AGE. y'all helped me clear my head about this. and while i still love her, after seeing her again i realize this is for the best.

[electricshake]

If it feels right then I see nothing wrong with casually bringing up the subject. Hell, she's probably been thinking the same thing. At the very least, even if she says she's not ready to be exclusive, at least you've had that discussion and know where you two stand. I imagine it'll go just fine though.

He. I'm the she. Thanks though!

[Minamu]

Started doing my story yesterday, and today a young woman from Thursday sent me a text message asking if I wanted to see her again :) A friend of mine tried his hardest to please her friend so he would get her number while I just continued a casual conversation. Effortless :)

[Slayer-33]

So this woman I know at work (bikes to work every day, very fit body, beautiful face, Caucasian) I've casually chatted and said hi to her over the course of 1 year or so as my shift ends (8am) and she comes in (Librarian) I ask her "if shes married or dating, she tells me that she's married and said so in a not so enthusiastic way and I tell her I would have asked you out if you were not but I had a feeling that you were, didn't hurt to try asking"

She tells me that she would have definitely said yes to me if she didn't have that going on, as our convo progressed a little she said that "we can talk about this further (suggesting cheating?) maybe we can have something", she told me she was surprised I wasn't taken and that I can get anyone I want (lol)

Ooooh man feels so good to get validated like that by a hot woman.

I want her so bad. She has so much natural beauty (comes to work without makeup on and is just mesmerizing) it's not even funny and the vibe I get from her is that of a low key low maintenance girl.. Not to mention that shes a librarian.. You see her and you get this feeling that she must be fucking wild in bed lol..

[hawkshockey11]

So this woman I know at work (bikes to work every day, very fit body, beautiful face, Caucasian) I've casually chatted and said hi to her over the course of 1 year or so as my shift ends (8am) and she comes in (Librarian) I ask her "if shes married or dating, she tells me that she's married and said so in a not so enthusiastic way and I tell her I would have asked you out if you were not but I had a feeling that you were, didn't hurt to try asking" She tells me that she would have definitely said yes to me if she didn't have that going on, as our convo progressed a little she said that "we can talk about this further (suggesting cheating?) maybe we can have something", she told me she was surprised I wasn't taken and that I can get anyone I want (lol) Ooooh man feels so good to get validated like that by a hot woman. I want her so bad. She has so much natural beauty (comes to work without makeup on and is just mesmerizing) it's not even funny and the vibe I get from her is that of a low key low maintenance girl.. Not to mention that shes a librarian.. You see her and you get this feeling that she must be fucking wild in bed lol..

[Slayer-33]

.

Wut lol

[hawkshockey11]

Wut lol

battle between penis and rational mind from Seinfeld.

[Slayer-33]

battle between penis and rational mind from Seinfeld.

Lmao.


I remember the ep now..


Man.. I need to learn more about her current relationships situation.. We didn't really have much time to talk more.

[Minamu]

Make her say she wants *you* so bad instead.

[Neki]

I really hope you take this as good advice, rather than as a joke or anything denigrating, but if you're having issues why not try something like Cialis? I've used it once when I got a big complex about sex and staying hard and it honestly worked like a dream. EDIT: even if you're feeling not that relaxed, you will get hard with some stimulation and damn way stay hard. just doing it once with a little help can prove enormously beneficial to getting over the hurdles we place infront of ourselves! There are reputable places online, in th UK at least, where you can do an online consultation that gets checked by a GP. I've bought it twice, once face-to-face and once from an online place, and it's exactly the same.

Don't worry about it. I've considered it, but it feels like something i should resort to last, i'm not really sure of the side effects or how dependent I might become of it. I think I'd need to read up more on that kind of stuff before I come comfortable
using it.

[Slayer-33]

Make her say she wants *you* so bad instead.

Penis in control at the moment.

LOL

[RedSwirl]

Random question: anyone ever heard of overcoming a language barrier for a relationship? I mean, people being attracted to each other strongly enough across language barriers. I myself have not. Just throwing stuff out there.

[Empowe]

Feeling pretty miserable at the moment.

I don't know how people even come to have sex or end up in relationships. Seriously.

Not having experienced these at 26 is driving me mad. I am SO frustrated.

I work in a retail environment, so I see couples together all day. I see attractive women too that aren't with a man.

Everytime I try to make eye contact, or smile, I get blank looks, or they'll look through/past me. Why are women so cold and indifferent towards me? Yet I can get a smile back from a little old lady.

Nobody flirts with me. No women interact with me in this way. Colleagues are the same.

I sit alone in the canteen.

I am so fucking tired of it. I am going to turn into a bitter, lonely man at this rate. People say being single is great, but most of these are people that have likely had plenty of fun already, and could enter into another relationship at the drop of a hat. The single life is absolutely not nice from where I am standing.

[JokerOfSpades]

Make moves. That's all I can say. Exercise, if you don't already, get a hobby, hit up bars, etc.

Some people are lucky enough that they don't have to do anything, but that doesn't work for others.

[Cubsfan23]

Feeling pretty miserable at the moment. I don't know how people even come to have sex or end up in relationships. Seriously. Not having experienced these at 26 is driving me mad. I am SO frustrated. I work in a retail environment, so I see couples together all day. I see attractive women too that aren't with a man. Everytime I try to make eye contact, or smile, I get blank looks, or they'll look through/past me. Why are women so cold and indifferent towards me? Yet I can get a smile back from a little old lady. Nobody flirts with me. No women interact with me in this way. Colleagues are the same. I sit alone in the canteen. I am so fucking tired of it. I am going to turn into a bitter, lonely man at this rate. People say being single is great, but most of these are people that have likely had plenty of fun already, and could enter into another relationship at the drop of a hat. The single life is absolutely not nice from where I am standing.

change your beliefs

[Empowe]

Make moves. That's all I can say. Exercise, if you don't already, get a hobby, hit up bars, etc. Some people are lucky enough that they don't have to do anything, but that doesn't work for others.

I've been thinking of trying the gym. If I went to a bar I'd be there alone, and that'd look weird, or so I've heard.

I am already out there by being at work. In all of the kinds of women that come through, and I get no luck, what difference would it make if I am in a gym or bar?

[Style Fox]

Feeling pretty miserable at the moment. I don't know how people even come to have sex or end up in relationships. Seriously. Not having experienced these at 26 is driving me mad. I am SO frustrated. I work in a retail environment, so I see couples together all day. I see attractive women too that aren't with a man. Everytime I try to make eye contact, or smile, I get blank looks, or they'll look through/past me. Why are women so cold and indifferent towards me? Yet I can get a smile back from a little old lady. Nobody flirts with me. No women interact with me in this way. Colleagues are the same. I sit alone in the canteen. I am so fucking tired of it. I am going to turn into a bitter, lonely man at this rate. People say being single is great, but most of these are people that have likely had plenty of fun already, and could enter into another relationship at the drop of a hat. The single life is absolutely not nice from where I am standing.

I feel your pain all too well man. If you haven't already done everything in your power to change yourself and make yourself more appealing then begin doing so. Even if you're not attractive you could still work a niche angle by being muscular, etc. A lot of people on this thread don't wanna talk about looks but some of us are just really ugly (myself included) so it's harder, just how it is. You gotta basically try all the time to play the odds.

[Slayer-33]

Feeling pretty miserable at the moment. I don't know how people even come to have sex or end up in relationships. Seriously. Not having experienced these at 26 is driving me mad. I am SO frustrated. I work in a retail environment, so I see couples together all day. I see attractive women too that aren't with a man. Everytime I try to make eye contact, or smile, I get blank looks, or they'll look through/past me. Why are women so cold and indifferent towards me? Yet I can get a smile back from a little old lady. Nobody flirts with me. No women interact with me in this way. Colleagues are the same. I sit alone in the canteen. I am so fucking tired of it. I am going to turn into a bitter, lonely man at this rate. People say being single is great, but most of these are people that have likely had plenty of fun already, and could enter into another relationship at the drop of a hat. The single life is absolutely not nice from where I am standing.

At that point say Hi.

Just say that shit.


You gotta loosen up a bit man. Work on any issue you think you might have internally first and acknowledge it. It's a work in progress til you get to the point of being natural.

[MutantCyborg]

Just a quick question. The girl im currently seeing has a much higher, calmer voice when were alone compared to when were around more people. She has personally told me that she really likes me. Im guessing this is just a sign of attraction from some people? Ive honestly never realised it before, and its awfully cute.

[Style Fox]

At that point say Hi. Just say that shit. You gotta loosen up a bit man. Work on any issue you think you might have internally first and acknowledge it. It's a work in progress til you get to the point of being natural.

If you're not getting any interest or visual cues then the hi will probably just get a hi back and move on. If she's not immediately interested then you gotta basically charm her over with what you say and do.

[kid ness]

Currently texting a girl from okcupid, how do I keep things interesting before our date on Thursday? I don't want to run out of things to talk about, is it assumed that we keep texting consistently until the date?

[hawkshockey11]

Currently texting a girl from okcupid, how do I keep things interesting before our date on Thursday? I don't want to run out of things to talk about, is it assumed that we keep texting consistently until the date?

Less texting. I feel like when you text too much, you develop 2 different personas. One that is open and gutsy while you are texting, and one that is more reserved in person because you have already told the other person so much while texting.

[luckyboyceo]

Currently texting a girl from okcupid, how do I keep things interesting before our date on Thursday? I don't want to run out of things to talk about, is it assumed that we keep texting consistently until the date?

Don't initiate between now and Thursday (I'm assuming you didn't in the first place), and see how she responds. Some people really like to text, others not so much. It will definitely be easier to keep things interesting if you don't exhaust each other between now and then.

Also, have a few fun questions stored in the back of your mind in case you hit a dry point during the date. Stuff like most embarrassing moments, biggest fears, celebrity crushes, etc. Things that can lead off into other topics.

[kid ness]

Thanks fellas, much appreciated. And yeah luckyboyceo, I didn't initiate. Not a fan of texting.

[jaxword]

I've been thinking of trying the gym. If I went to a bar I'd be there alone, and that'd look weird, or so I've heard. I am already out there by being at work. In all of the kinds of women that come through, and I get no luck, what difference would it make if I am in a gym or bar?

You don't go to a gym to pick up women.

You go to a gym to get in good enough shape that women try to pick YOU up.

This will not happen overnight. This will take months to years of dedication. But you need to do it, and stay focused on diet and exercise and eventually the reward will come.

[Locke_211]

Don't worry about it. I've considered it, but it feels like something i should resort to last, i'm not really sure of the side effects or how dependent I might become of it. I think I'd need to read up more on that kind of stuff before I come comfortable using it.

Sideeffects of Cialis are sometimes a headache and stuffy nose, which go away in a couple of hours. That seems to be unless you have a heart-condition of some kind. I'd recommend it over Viagra or Levitra because they both need to be taken half an hour or so before the action, and last about 3-4 hours, while Cialis lasts for 36 hours (I've found that that's quite pessimistic; more like 48 at least) and so you can take it at the beginning of a weekend, say, rather than thinking 'I will have sex in half an hour, I need to take something!'

Psychologically, just knowing you've done it might be the biggest hurdle overcome. And once you've tried to and know it works, you might be relaxed enough with foreplay, knowing there's some nearby in case you need it, that it works fine without. That's just my opinion on the subject!

EDIT: have you had sex before, with your current girlfriend or with anyone else? or would this be your first time?

[Danielsan]

Any first date suggestions? I usually like to just get drinks in the evening. Perfect opportunity to get your chat on and make a lot of eye contact. However the girl I’m seeing this Thursday would prefer to do something else (not so standard) especially considering we’ve already chatted a ton and she say she already has a fairly decent image of who she’s dealing with. Needless to say going to the movies is absolutely out of the question (horrible first, second or third date suggestion). We’re also meeting in the evening (probably around 7pm) so please keep that in mind.

I was thinking of playing pool, which allows for a lot of laughs as well as physicality, but tonally it doesn't feel quite right in my mind. The location also isn't ideal.

[Darren870]

I've been thinking of trying the gym. If I went to a bar I'd be there alone, and that'd look weird, or so I've heard. I am already out there by being at work. In all of the kinds of women that come through, and I get no luck, what difference would it make if I am in a gym or bar?

As said, definitely not the gym! Every girl I've ever spoken to has said that is the worst place to be hit on by a guy.

An article to confirm this:
http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/...tting-on-girls

[CAW]

This is tricky. I have a lot of thoughts and I'm going to try and formulate them as well as I can, but my apologies if they aren't very concise.

Lucky, I appreciate your advice and feedback. Something out of the ordinary happened last night and she got mad at me. Then I woke up this morning to more angry texts, tried to call her she denied me. Texted me that was over.... :(

It's been like 15 minutes and it still hasn't set in yet. Man, I really liked this girl.

[Branson]

I think I'm putting my ex fiancée on a pedestal. We broke up march 23rd and it kind of hasn't gotten too much easier. It just hurts differently now than it did early in the break up. Deleting her from Facebook, cutting contact, it's all made me miss her more, even though the reasons she broke up with were never against me, she kept saying it was her, its just hitting me bad that she could be with another guy right now.
My dreams about her are not helping either, like they are about seeing her with other guys and stuff. Wtf is wrong with me :(. She was a huge part of me for 5 years and now she's just gone and probably making someone else all happy. And here I am just sitting here miserable with her on my mind.
It doesn't help she sends me draw something's and nudges me when I don't play. :(. Ugh. Just in an emotional roller coaster right now.
It sucks living in a small town with her because the chances of running into her are high. I see her mom all the time.
The further time away from the breakup is closer to the point where she finds the guy she always wanted I suppose. Ugh. Fml.
I can truly see how people just go crazy over stuff like this. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through :/.

[Log4Girlz]

Lucky, I appreciate your advice and feedback. Something out of the ordinary happened last night and she got mad at me. Then I woke up this morning to more angry texts, tried to call her she denied me. Texted me that was over.... :( It's been like 15 minutes and it still hasn't set in yet. Man, I really liked this girl.

I knew it wouldn't end well. Anytime a girl says she's not sure about feelings...its over.

[ZombieFred]

I think I'm putting my ex fiancée on a pedestal. We broke up march 23rd and it kind of hasn't gotten too much easier. It just hurts differently now than it did early in the break up. Deleting her from Facebook, cutting contact, it's all made me miss her more, even though the reasons she broke up with were never against me, she kept saying it was her, its just hitting me bad that she could be with another guy right now. My dreams about her are not helping either, like they are about seeing her with other guys and stuff. Wtf is wrong with me :(. She was a huge part of me for 5 years and now she's just gone and probably making someone else all happy. And here I am just sitting here miserable with her on my mind. It doesn't help she sends me draw something's and nudges me when I don't play. :(. Ugh. Just in an emotional roller coaster right now. It sucks living in a small town with her because the chances of running into her are high. I see her mom all the time. The further time away from the breakup is closer to the point where she finds the guy she always wanted I suppose. Ugh. Fml. I can truly see how people just go crazy over stuff like this. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through :/.

Dude I can understand where you're coming from but you just have to believe in yourself that you will get better from this because you will. Keep your mind occupied, go out and try to meet new people, explore yourself, and do something that will make you feel happier with your life. I would recommend try and make new friends and get fit, if you’re not doing any of that now. It will take time but you need to not make any contact or have anything of her life try to get mixed in with your time to heal.

[Zeke]

While I think your hair is fucking awesome, you won't have much of a chance getting a girl with that hair.

bull fucking shit! Sorry read this and had to comment. I've met so many women that are in love with my hair. Mine is about the same length as his and I've had no major problems with women. A lot of the time they will talk to me because of it. I get lots of compliments from young women to older women. Some will even go as far as asking to play with it or touch it. The girl I've been talking to loves my hair when we are laying down watching tv she’s constantly playing with my hair or running her fingers thro it. As long as he takes care of it and trims the split ends he's good to go. There are plenty of girls out there that don't mind a guy with long hair.

[The Anti-Monitor]

As said, definitely not the gym! Every girl I've ever spoken to has said that is the worst place to be hit on by a guy.

On the other hand, it's one of the best places to hit on a guy. Guys who have just started to get fit will love someone telling them their efforts are paying off...

bull fucking shit! Sorry read this and had to comment. I've met so many women that are in love with my hair. Mine is about the same length as his and I've had no major problems with women. A lot of the time they will talk to me because of it. I get lots of compliments from young women to older women. Some will even go as far as asking to play with it or touch it. The girl I've been talking to loves my hair when we are laying down watching tv she’s constantly playing with my hair or running her fingers thro it. As long as he takes care of it and trims the split ends he's good to go. There are plenty of girls out there that don't mind a guy with long hair.

I'd say the problem wasn't how long it was.

[Guzim]

Random question: anyone ever heard of overcoming a language barrier for a relationship? I mean, people being attracted to each other strongly enough across language barriers. I myself have not. Just throwing stuff out there.

Yep. My friend's father is Portuguese and her mother is Korean. When they met, neither of them spoke English. I have to ask her for more details about it, but they fell in love with each other despite a language barrier.

[Zeke]

I'd say the problem wasn't how long it was.

agreed he just needs some decent clothes. I wear jeans and a shirt most of the time but I still have nice clothes that I'll bust out when I feel like it. Pick up some jeans and some nice shirts, and some good shoes. Hell just some nice button up shirts would work.

[CAW]

I knew it wouldn't end well. Anytime a girl says she's not sure about feelings...its over.

I had the same feeling and she turned it around on me. I have a suspended license and I drove around last night and told her and she flipped out on me. I said it was a stupid risk and that I wouldn't do it again but I just needed to go somewhere.

Anyway, she said she wasn't mad at me (this was last night) but that she was going to bed. I didn't reply because I was at work so at 6AM I wrote "night babe, ttyl". Well she replied an hour later, back to bitching about what I did.

She said "good thing we're only seeing each other and not dating". I asked wtf that meant and she said "when you do things like that when dating it effects both people". So right away it's like she's just been waiting for a reason to hang a negative over my head to use as a breakup excuse.

So since we were headed down that road I asked things like, why aren't we dating anyway, we've been seeing each other a hell of a lot for two months to which she replied "i just need to be sure". I asked "sure of what" and then she turned it on me and said I was being too pushy and she couldn't handle it and that "you're perfect, but I just can't be with you".

She's 21, emotional mess and doesn't know wtf she wants. I was extremely stupid to put so much into it. She's the first woman I've been with for about a year or so (maybe two) and I think I wanted it too much. We clearly didn't want the same thing.

I'm still not feeling the pain yet, but I liked her a lot so I'm sure it's going to hit sooner or later. But i'm going to move on and continue to look because if anything this has made me realize I want to be with someone.

[Lone_Prodigy]

I've been thinking of trying the gym. If I went to a bar I'd be there alone, and that'd look weird, or so I've heard. I am already out there by being at work. In all of the kinds of women that come through, and I get no luck, what difference would it make if I am in a gym or bar?

You're going about it the wrong way. Instead of thinking "so many women here not interested in me", think "so many women I can approach and subtly flirt with without coming off as a desperate creep". You work in a retail environment. If they're shopping, walk up to them and offer to help them find something. Perhaps you can recommend a product to them. Smile, be polite. You're just doing your job. At first you'll be nervous, but they'll be polite to you since you work there. If you help them they'll appreciate it.

Use that as a springboard. Say a little more to them. Don't cross the line by asking them out or anything, but maybe work in a funny anecdote. "Did you hear this one story where..." Make them laugh. Again, keep it professional since you are working, but a happy customer is a returning customer.

This will boost your self-confidence. If you can approach an attractive woman at work, you can do the same outside of work. Your coworkers will notice your friendly personality and talk to you. Converse with them. Don't be one of those punch-in-and-punch-out worker drones. Be engaging. Be involved.

[Empowe]

As said, definitely not the gym! Every girl I've ever spoken to has said that is the worst place to be hit on by a guy. An article to confirm this: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/...tting-on-girls

You don't go to a gym to pick up women. You go to a gym to get in good enough shape that women try to pick YOU up. This will not happen overnight. This will take months to years of dedication. But you need to do it, and stay focused on diet and exercise and eventually the reward will come.

I thought that perhaps I might get chance to talk to somebody in a gym, or get approached.

I am not sure I am willing to dedicate years of my life to an exercise regiem just so I can attract a woman.

At that point say Hi. Just say that shit. You gotta loosen up a bit man. Work on any issue you think you might have internally first and acknowledge it. It's a work in progress til you get to the point of being natural.

I think I've got all sorts of issues internally, because of the fact I am in this situation. I have not a clue how to overcome it; in fact, I feel completely fucked up from it.

I feel your pain all too well man. If you haven't already done everything in your power to change yourself and make yourself more appealing then begin doing so. Even if you're not attractive you could still work a niche angle by being muscular, etc. A lot of people on this thread don't wanna talk about looks but some of us are just really ugly (myself included) so it's harder, just how it is. You gotta basically try all the time to play the odds.

My friend at work said I'd have to 'become a completely different person' or something to that effect. If a woman can't appreciate me for who I am, why would I want to try to attract her?

You're going about it the wrong way. Instead of thinking "so many women here not interested in me", think "so many women I can approach and subtly flirt with without coming off as a desperate creep". You work in a retail environment. If they're shopping, walk up to them and offer to help them find something. Perhaps you can recommend a product to them. Smile, be polite. You're just doing your job. At first you'll be nervous, but they'll be polite to you since you work there. If you help them they'll appreciate it. Use that as a springboard. Say a little more to them. Don't cross the line by asking them out or anything, but maybe work in a funny anecdote. "Did you hear this one story where..." Make them laugh. Again, keep it professional since you are working, but a happy customer is a returning customer. This will boost your self-confidence. If you can approach an attractive woman at work, you can do the same outside of work. Your coworkers will notice your friendly personality and talk to you. Converse with them. Don't be one of those punch-in-and-punch-out worker drones. Be engaging. Be involved.

Ha ha. That is totally me. I feel I am always going to be shut out from women at work - I've worked there for years, so I doubt perceptions of me will change.

Women let doors shut on me and everything, when I am right in front of them. I can hold a door open for somebody and get no acknowledgement. If any other man did it, they'd probably get a cheeky smile for it, and a bit of conversation.

I appreciate the advice a lot. It's just that I am not willing to focus so much energy on trying to impress.

I want to experience close companionship and sex with a woman. A woman would not be my end goal in life, but one part of it that would contribute significantly to my overall happiness.

It's the fact that it's not happened naturally that hurts. And it fucks you up because you feel that there's something wrong with you, and you feel so shut out from one of life's most exciting, integral experiences.

The worst thing is seeing everyone else around you enjoying relationships. My mind is unhealthy - I feel jealousy and lust. It has led me to frustration, sometimes feelings of anger, and self hatred.

Not an easy problem to solve.