[Leeness]

And ugly girls have scoffed at me when I've merely tried to have friendly conversation with them, but gorgeous girls have also melted...so who's right? ;b The answer is what I want it to be, and that's the only relevant one, because no one else gets to determine for me whether I'm James Bond or the President of the Brony Society or anything in between. Your self-worth absolutely cannot be based on, not even what everyone else thinks of you, but way way beyond that to just a couple anecdotes of what a couple completely irrelevant people thought of you, while simultaneously discarding all the positive reactions you had on gaf and on okc. That's just disingenuous, but it's understandable since you're in a vulnerable emotional state right now, putting yourself out there and being judged instantly and sometimes rejected. It's scary and it can hurt, but everyone goes through it on the road to finding someone.

No, this is just always how I think, unfortunately. :( Not quite sure what sparked this tonight, but I generally just go in and out of being nonchalant about everything and being kind of crazy and getting like this.

People telling me I'm ugly validates how I think, people telling me they think I'm pretty just means they're lying to me. That's how my mind works, even though I know I shouldn't be like this.

[NateDrake]

No, this is just always how I think, unfortunately. :( Not quite sure what sparked this tonight, but I generally just go in and out of being nonchalant about everything and being kind of crazy and getting like this. People telling me I'm ugly validates how I think, people telling me they think I'm pretty just means they're lying to me. That's how my mind works, even though I know I shouldn't be like this.

Don't focus on negative things. It's easier to believe in the bad, but you need to take in the good. Sounds like you have low self confidence for some reason.

[Leeness]

Don't focus on negative things. It's easier to believe in the bad, but you need to take in the good. Sounds like you have low self confidence for some reason.

I've tried it a lot. But it's kind of like yo-yo dieting to me, haha. Build up something positive, then something hits me and makes it even worse than I was before. And it just keeps going and going and going. And here we are. Haha.

[Tess3ract]

What the fuck lol I can only imagine a bunch of hipsters running to the front desk screaming "SOUND THE HORN QUICK!"

No it's the Lug Alarm or something. It counts those who do heavy lifting as someone who's dumb/lame.

[Almond]

Well, as I was saying to MiDNiGHTS above: You cannot look for other people to validate yourself. You have to improve yourself because YOU want to improve yourself. They won't be "settling" if you are constantly trying to improve yourself, because each day you'll be better, right? I doubt most guys are "disgusted" by you. I don't know what you look like and, really, it doesn't matter, either, because the point is that if YOU give off the image of self-loathing, then others will pick up on that. Hell, some people PREY on that. And I'll be 100% honest: guys will put up with A LOT of "weird" if there's other factors that compensate for that. I'm fairly certain women are the same way with guys, but again this is advice tailored for your situation. So improve yourself. Only you can, no one else can do that for you. One last thing to realize, and I had to realize this as an ugly kid growing up: You can't avoid socializing and push people away and just EXPECT them to think positively of you because you've done nothing wrong. A positive image comes from positive reactions, and a lack of ANY personality means people assume the worst. You have to make an effort to be likeable. That's an unavoidable part of functioning in this society, and something easy to forget if you spend too much time online.

In February of this year I have started to improve myself. I've been eating better,being more active and lost weight, and been working on my social skills. It's been a very tiny improvement. I try to be as polite as I can. I just seem to get ignored all the time. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do to be likable.

No guys ever ask me out or make an attempt to talk to me, but that's probably my fault. I never notice anyone looking at me, unless it's some confused/offended face. I guess that's why I feel that way.

[jaxword]

In February of this year I have started to improve myself. I've been eating better,being more active and lost weight, and been working on my social skills. It's been a very tiny improvement. I try to be as polite as I can. I just seem to get ignored all the time. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do to be likable. No guys ever ask me out or make an attempt to talk to me, but that's probably my fault. I never notice anyone looking at me, unless it's some confused/offended face. I guess that's why I feel that way.

Well, let me be 100% blunt:

Do you want to be liked or do you want to be more sexually attractive?

They are not the same thing, and can even at times be mutually exclusive.

[NateDrake]

I've tried it a lot. But it's kind of like yo-yo dieting to me, haha. Build up something positive, then something hits me and makes it even worse than I was before. And it just keeps going and going and going. And here we are. Haha.

I was like this for a while but then finally said screw it. I was happy with myself and stopped letting stupid little things bother me. If someone is shallow enough to brush a person off for some little flaw -- or whatever they view it be -- then they aren't worth it.

Hold on to the compliments because those are the truth.

[EviLore]

Don't focus on negative things. It's easier to believe in the bad, but you need to take in the good. Sounds like you have low self confidence for some reason.

Well when you were heavy and ignored romantically all your life, that's tough to get over even when you're no longer heavy or ignored now. You become insecure and hypercritical of yourself and every negative reaction, as leeness said, is a validation of those insecurities and another reason to give up, because the positive outlook is so difficult and fragile and anxiety can take over at a moment's notice.

Can be tough to work through, keep trying and choose courage over fear whenever you can, and do therapy if possible, which is not an easy thing to hear but it's there for a reason.

[JokerOfSpades]

Leeness, I know exactly how you feel. More than you know. Sometimes, I can get a number, grab a girl's attention. Sometimes I get compliments. But no matter what, it never fails that I'll go right back to feeling sorry for myself. Most of my friends from high school have lost their virginity. I haven't. I've been called ugly by some guy "friends" and one random dude. I know that the compliments I've gotten should outweigh my failures and the insults I've gotten. It never does. And every negative thing that I've heard only reinforces my attitude towards myself. Hell, people said I look fine on GAF. Damned if that's helped.

But so what? Everything I think about myself doesn't matter. What others say doesn't matter. What I do, on the other hand does. Life is fucking short. Worst thing about me being who I am is that I remember that all the time now. I'm not going to wait until I'm validated by someone else. Not anymore.

Or, to put it more bluntly - you're actually doing worse ny worrying about other peoples' bullshit. Make yourself happy, even if that includes rejection. You stop trying and you're only wasting your own time.

.....

#Fuckthehaters #YOLO

[Leeness]

Well when you were heavy and ignored romantically all your life, that's tough to get over even when you're no longer heavy or ignored now. You become insecure and hypercritical of yourself and every negative reaction, as leeness said, is a validation of those insecurities and another reason to give up, because the positive outlook is so difficult and fragile and anxiety can take over at a moment's notice. Can be tough to work through, keep trying and choose courage over fear whenever you can, and do therapy if possible, which is not an easy thing to hear but it's there for a reason.

You're a smart guy. :( Thank you for your advice. I do really appreciate it, even though I know it seems like I don't.

Haha, Joker, I wish I could have that attitude. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I just get like this. I don't really know anymore.

[JokerOfSpades]

You're a smart guy. :( Thank you for your advice. I do really appreciate it, even though I know it seems like I don't. Haha, Joker, I wish I could have that attitude. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I just get like this. I don't really know anymore.

Again, same. Thing is, don't let how bad you feel get in the way of living. Take opportunities as they come, and never compare yourself to anyone in the room. Especially that last part.

[ZombieFred]

You're a smart guy. :( Thank you for your advice. I do really appreciate it, even though I know it seems like I don't. Haha, Joker, I wish I could have that attitude. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I just get like this. I don't really know anymore.

Why not go out and try new social clubs that match hobbies you are into? One of the best things to do in boosting your confidence is meeting new people and making friends and exploring new areas you might have not considered. Trust me, it’ll do you some good to go out there and exploring yourself more.

[Minamu]

Wow that's a lot of new posts over night, what happened? Anyway, George Costanza had 47 girlfriends over those nine (?) years so he's no loser, really :P Midnight, don't be so quick to dismiss our advice. Brent's words have changed my life radically and they could help you too if you just listened to him. Thinking you need to look like him to have that success is crap and just another limiting belief of yours!

[LordPhoque]

Just a quick update : girl I had a date with texted me to thank me for spending yesterday afternoon with her, also saying me she'd tell me about going to another expo. She mentioned this yesterday too, problem is she also mentioned a friend of her coming. I know the friend in question and I can't stand him, also I wanted to see her alone. She didn't mention him in the text though... So I texted back that I had a nice afternoon too, but I ignored the invitation, instead I invited her elsewhere. That's pretty much it. Hope I haven't been friendzoned. Girl is adorable and the first GF material I've encountered in a while.

[electricshake]

I don't even know. On one hand, I want to just go and do it. On the other, the thought of going out and just having sex with someone makes me kind of hate myself. I don't even know why. I don't know. I know I'm also afraid that if I managed to somehow get a guy interested enough to end up in bed with them, they'd realize I was weird/ugly/whatever has been repulsing men out about me and like, kick me out or something lol. And that would be embarrassing.

I know how you feel. I have some serious issues regarding intimacy (both emotional and physical) but I've also met guys who understand and are happy to take things slowly. I have friends with boyfriends that waited a couple of months before they slept together. I'm sure there are plenty guys out there who are just interested in sex, but there's plenty that aren't. And some will be just as nervous and afraid as you. The key is to be open and honest about what you want, and if a guy is pushing you into something you don't want then he's not worth it.

[Attackthebase]

Wow that's a lot of new posts over night, what happened? Anyway, George Costanza had 47 girlfriends over those nine (?) years so he's no loser, really :P Midnight, don't be so quick to dismiss our advice. Brent's words have changed my life radically and they could help you too if you just listened to him. Thinking you need to look like him to have that success is crap and just another limiting belief of yours!

Our holy savior, Evilore, entered the thread. How can someone NOT want to be in this thread when the Son of Man enters the room?

[Xun]

I'm going to start looking into some acting classes soon, along with anything else I can find.

Would be nice to meet people my age at whatever classes I take, but I doubt it.

[Almond]

Well, let me be 100% blunt: Do you want to be liked or do you want to be more sexually attractive? They are not the same thing, and can even at times be mutually exclusive.

I don't really understand the question. Both? I'm not saying I want every man to lust after me or every person I meet to like me. I want to find someone who likes me and finds me sexually attractive, without them just settling for me.

[Hylian7]

This is sort of on-topic and off-topic at the same time.

I don't know if anyone remembers the whole thing about my ex breaking up with me about 5 months ago. If you don't, here's the short version: With girl for 5 years. Girl is crazy and joins religious organization because I'm an atheist. Organization tells her what a terrible horrible person I am. We fight a lot, she dumps me. Gets with another guy within two weeks, not completely sure if she cheated on me or not.

Well my mom saw their wedding announcement in the paper back home. I had a good laugh about it, and realized that I not only dodged a bullet, I dodged a nuke.

Things are going great with the girl I'm with right now though, I just thought you guys might find that juicy tidbit interesting.

[defel]

I'm going to start looking into some acting classes soon, along with anything else I can find. Would be nice to meet people my age at whatever classes I take, but I doubt it.

Thats a really good idea actually. Acting classes, salsa classes, other dance classes. Once I get back from the States this summer and start my MSc next year Im going to start doing some bar work. Anything with constant interactions with other people to push my social skills. Id really like to try and start promoting night clubs and stuff.

[LordPhoque]

Just a quick update : girl I had a date with texted me to thank me for spending yesterday afternoon with her, also saying me she'd tell me about going to another expo. She mentioned this yesterday too, problem is she also mentioned a friend of her coming. I know the friend in question and I can't stand him, also I wanted to see her alone. She didn't mention him in the text though... So I texted back that I had a nice afternoon too, but I ignored the invitation, instead I invited her elsewhere. That's pretty much it. Hope I haven't been friendzoned. Girl is adorable and the first GF material I've encountered in a while.

Well she didn't answer. Fuck I think I've been friendzoned. I mad.

[Vigilant Walrus]

Well when you were heavy and ignored romantically all your life, that's tough to get over even when you're no longer heavy or ignored now. You become insecure and hypercritical of yourself and every negative reaction, as leeness said, is a validation of those insecurities and another reason to give up, because the positive outlook is so difficult and fragile and anxiety can take over at a moment's notice. Can be tough to work through, keep trying and choose courage over fear whenever you can, and do therapy if possible, which is not an easy thing to hear but it's there for a reason.

That's the wrong way to approach it.

you fucking got through something on half of all americans are struggle with, and the other half don't understand because they don't know what it's like.

You got the low down and have a understanding on both sides. you have the capacity to be warm and sensitive over others who are considered gross and fat, because you know what its like. but thats not your situation anymore. you got through the fire. you don't have to be afraid all the flames now.


Being hypercritical / self loathing becomes an issue when your too full of yourself. Don't take yourself so seriously. does your shit smell better than anyone else? - exactly. so fucking shrug at it, and think of the good things. you did something 150 million americans are trying to do now and struggling with. you already know you have a lot more will power. you know your special because you broke your own status quo and the standards that had been set.


not everyone is going to like you. some people will be annoyed by you no matter what you do. ying/yang. accept it. being self critical is very egotistical and self centered. you need to look outside yourself. instead of you thinking about what everyone thinks of you - think about what they think about themselves.

people who say needless negative comments on other people often have their own shadow sides.

[Vigilant Walrus]

Well she didn't answer. Fuck I think I've been friendzoned. I mad.

i hate these texting games. fuck trying to increase your value/worth by not ":)" (emoting!) , waiting longer than needed to respond to seem more busy, being more crypitic in your text to be more mysterious.

worst part is that it works (from my experience). technology becomes a weapon. pfft. I guess it makes sense why it can get bad when trying to get something going through facebook.

you really open yourself up when a person gets to see all your pics since 2008 and everything you have been into. - delete most things that tell about yourself from fb, and keep it unkempt and try to hold off friending people. they will judge you based on what they see.

[Pat]

Just a quick update : girl I had a date with texted me to thank me for spending yesterday afternoon with her, also saying me she'd tell me about going to another expo. She mentioned this yesterday too, problem is she also mentioned a friend of her coming. I know the friend in question and I can't stand him, also I wanted to see her alone. She didn't mention him in the text though... So I texted back that I had a nice afternoon too, but I ignored the invitation, instead I invited her elsewhere. That's pretty much it. Hope I haven't been friendzoned. Girl is adorable and the first GF material I've encountered in a while.

That's the answer. You are probaby BF material to her too. If she considers you simply as a friend, she wouldn't take the time to text you only to "reminder" you she had a good time.

[Lone_Prodigy]

Just a quick update : girl I had a date with texted me to thank me for spending yesterday afternoon with her, also saying me she'd tell me about going to another expo. She mentioned this yesterday too, problem is she also mentioned a friend of her coming. I know the friend in question and I can't stand him, also I wanted to see her alone. She didn't mention him in the text though... So I texted back that I had a nice afternoon too, but I ignored the invitation, instead I invited her elsewhere. That's pretty much it. Hope I haven't been friendzoned. Girl is adorable and the first GF material I've encountered in a while.

You had your chance, and you blew it. You can't expect to like all her friends, but you can't be picky until you're actually in a relationship.

A good test for potential SO material is how they act around your friends.

[LordPhoque]

You had your chance, and you blew it. You can't expect to like all her friends, but you can't be picky until you're actually in a relationship. A good test for potential SO material is how they act around your friends.

He's not "her" friend, I knew him before she met him. I still wouldn't be okay about a second date with another guy even if I liked him... so yeah it has nothing to do with being picky. If she's asking me out with another guy maybe it's her way of saying "let's just be friends" is what I meant.

[Lone_Prodigy]

Regarding the last couple pages of this thread:

It's easy to get caught in a self-destructive cycle. But it's not easy. You can grind, change your approach, and get help, but if the result is the same then you feel like you failed. It's not hard to say "stop caring", but humans are social creatures, and we all seek validation in one form or another. That's why we hit "Like" on Facebook and check our karma levels on reddit.

But you have to break the cycle, and you have to do it yourself. It can be physical: start going to the gym, start eating healthier, cut down on video games and TV. It can be mental: set goals for yourself, achieve them, make an effort to be more informed and smarter. It can be social: go out more, volunteer, walk your dog, join a club.

It isn't easy. When you try something new, at first you're all gung-ho about it but eventually you start to regress back to your old habits. It's worse when you don't see any discernable results. "Why am I beating myself up going to the gym when I was so much more content just vegging out? It's not like I'm losing tons of weight either." It's like withdrawal: things were better before, and you naturally desire what's old and familiar. But unfortunately change doesn't happen overnight.

[LeadProtagonist]

Thinking about this has made me realize what I personally need to do. I've been single for about a month and have kinda been worrying about how I'll ever get into a relationship again. Instead, I think I need to focus on just making myself feel better. It doesn't help that I can't find a summer job (I've even been rejected from a part time job for having a bachelors degree), but I think I can afford a gym membership. Getting a bike would be great too, but who knows. In any case, I'm going to attempt to feel better about myself physically. Then I'm going to give it my all when I go into my teaching program. I've got an internship at a local high school for the year and I'm going to make the best of it and really try to make a name for myself there.

Hopefully then I'm not just focusing on needing to find a relationship, but rather just doing things that make me happy. That way there's not this massive amount of pressure on me to make something work, it'll just be one part of my life. Also hopefully I'll have more self-confidence about it, heh.

[bjb]

Could use some advice GAF:

Posted a summary awhile back, but basically I ended a 3 year LDR because I didn't feel like we were making any progress. That is, real concrete plans to be together. After a few days, I thought about it - and decided it was a bit impulsive (especially following an argument), and that perhaps maybe we just needed space. We both agreed, and thinks have been good between us for a few weeks.

Flash forward to yesterday. We talked and agreed we still love each enough to try and make it work. She says she's committed to doing whatever it takes to move here. Great I thought.

Then comes today. She got on skype with me and broke down. Basically said that "the night" we first broke up - she hooked up with a guy friend of hers. Her definition of "hooking up" was "being intimate but nothing sexual". She then proceeded to say how sorry she was, and that she hasn't been able to tell me because she hates herself.

It's quite a bit to process - really not sure what to feel, if anything. Kinda numb to the whole situation at this point.

[Smelly Tramp]

Could use some advice GAF: Posted a summary awhile back, but basically I ended a 3 year LDR because I didn't feel like we were making any progress. That is, real concrete plans to be together. After a few days, I thought about it - and decided it was a bit impulsive (especially following an argument), and that perhaps maybe we just needed space. We both agreed, and thinks have been good between us for a few weeks. Flash forward to yesterday. We talked and agreed we still love each enough to try and make it work. She says she's committed to doing whatever it takes to move here. Great I thought. Then comes today. She got on skype with me and broke down. Basically said that "the night" we first broke up - she hooked up with a guy friend of hers. Her definition of "hooking up" was "being intimate but nothing sexual". She then proceeded to say how sorry she was, and that she hasn't been able to tell me because she hates herself. It's quite a bit to process - really not sure what to feel, if anything. Kinda numb to the whole situation at this point.

happens to the best of us man. happened to me but during the relationship, look if you want her back you can't judge her because you broke up with her. yeh she kissed and was intimate with another guy or whatever but when dumped a person can do crazy things, and crazy thoughts are running through their mind.

hell if i had a chance to i would have got with another girl after i was dumped, if i had the chance.

[~Kinggi~]

Some weird shit happened to me today during lunch.

Ok. Stop with the confidence issues. Here's the secret: NO ONE CARES. Neither should you. Who cares what others think? They're going to be gone in 10 minutes into their own lives and not care about you. In 10 years they'll be old and fat and not remember you. In 100 years they'll be dead and none of this will matter. Now, that sounds morbid. But I disagree: it means that you need to stop caring about what others think because THEY DON'T MATTER. There's no time to waste on that. Here's a tip: I'm ugly as hell. I get dates. No, I do not date supermodels. No, I am not a Casanova or popular or cool. I'm just some random ugly dude. Some of the girls I date aren't going to be jaw droppers. Some girls would be, yes, it's mean, called ugly by others. But WHO CARES? You want to know how I do it? After years of rejection and derision for being ugly as a dead frog, I just stopped CARING what others think. Now, this doesn't mean you become a recluse or start acting stupid in public. It means the only person's opinion you need to care about is yourself. You need to look at yourself and go "Yeah, I'm not too bad." If you can't do that, why should someone else? You can't look to someone else for validation, because they'll be doing the same with you. Now, of course, someday this opinion needs to mature and settle down and I would have to care about my potential partner/wife/etc's feelings, but this is the dating thread, not the mature-marriage-planning thread. That's a whole different world. So. Again. I'm ugly as a dead toad, but I get dates just by not caring soooo much. Turned down? Ah well, move on to the next. Turned down? Ah well, move on to the next. I guarantee, GUARANTEE, if you asked out girls randomly all day, just every girl you see, you WOULD get at least one date. Sure, it may come to nothing. But at least you had the experience. Get off the internet and get into real life before you really DO get old and alone.

I read this post.

Well when you were heavy and ignored romantically all your life, that's tough to get over even when you're no longer heavy or ignored now. You become insecure and hypercritical of yourself and every negative reaction, as leeness said, is a validation of those insecurities and another reason to give up, because the positive outlook is so difficult and fragile and anxiety can take over at a moment's notice. Can be tough to work through, keep trying and choose courage over fear whenever you can, and do therapy if possible, which is not an easy thing to hear but it's there for a reason.

And then i read this one.



And then i saw EvilLore stare into my soul.

And then suddenly a switch turned on and i suddenly became positive. Like i was optimistic. Determined to be happy. So i was actually happy today. ANd when i got home, had one of the best workouts at the gym ive had in a while. Increased my weights. And then i went to the mall, and blew 400$ on new clothes that make me look like hot shit. And i was talking to people in a positive way. Saying 'how are you?' and all that shit.

Guys i need quick brainwashing techniques to keep me on this positive streak. I am trying a method where if a negative thought comes around i start to say something great and reverse it. Seems to kinda work. I also start my day listening to 'Everybodys free to wear sunscreen'.

Actually the last 4 pages in this thread suddenly had a lot of great posts.

[Minamu]

That's great kinggi!! Keep at it. Your technique for negativity works great, just tell yourself it does! Reverse absolutely everything into something positive and you'll see that life is full of *opportunities* instead of obstacles.

I had a great night out. Started out slow on the dance floor and I was kinda bored even though I like the music. I've shaved off my goatee and put some wax in my hair for the first time in years. I've been getting a lot of attention lately and tonight I made out with two girls, one of which got my number by the end. The second one saw me approaching the bar and almost whistled at me xD Before we started making out, she pushed me away to double check that I was hot, and I was (her words). After that it was go time apparently. Unfortunately, I ended up paying for both shots and cider for respective girl which goes against my principles but hey, it happens :) I can probably update with some party photos tomorrow so gaf can see what it's like in Sweden.

[jaxword]

I don't really understand the question. Both? I'm not saying I want every man to lust after me or every person I meet to like me. I want to find someone who likes me and finds me sexually attractive, without them just settling for me.

Right. So now there's a reason why I asked that. You keep saying "settling" for you. So you don't think very highly of yourself. Almost as if you don't like yourself. Of course you can say "Yes I do, what do you know, you're an internet stranger", but, then, why do you constantly think of yourself as something to "Settle" for?

So. The reason I asked about being liked or being sexually wanted is because they're not the same thing. What is LIKEABLE about you? Are you a fun person? Generous? Do you do nice things for people? As a woman, you already have sexual interest in you, but that doesn't immediately grant likeability.

Why should anyone like you?

[bjb]

happens to the best of us man. happened to me but during the relationship, look if you want her back you can't judge her because you broke up with her. yeh she kissed and was intimate with another guy or whatever but when dumped a person can do crazy things, and crazy thoughts are running through their mind. hell if i had a chance to i would have got with another girl after i was dumped, if i had the chance.

Well said. Appreciate the perspective.

[jaxword]

And then suddenly a switch turned on and i suddenly became positive. Like i was optimistic. Determined to be happy. So i was actually happy today. ANd when i got home, had one of the best workouts at the gym ive had in a while. Increased my weights. And then i went to the mall, and blew 400$ on new clothes that make me look like hot shit. And i was talking to people in a positive way. Saying 'how are you?' and all that shit. Guys i need quick brainwashing techniques to keep me on this positive streak. I am trying a method where if a negative thought comes around i start to say something great and reverse it. Seems to kinda work. I also start my day listening to 'Everybodys free to wear sunscreen'.

You don't need to "Brainwash" yourself. You just DO it. Just be a better person and people will come to notice this. You'd be surprised how your life can improve if you try and make the world a better place, even if it's just helping people out in small ways.

Keep at the gym. Stay positive. And, most importantly, do this because YOU Want to do this, not for others.

[Dreavus]

Loving this optimism.

I heard a quote on the radio the other day. It was about a survey done with people who were on their deathbeds, asking what their largest regret was. Do you know what a majority of them responded with?

"I wish I had allowed myself to be happier"

Happiness should be a choice. It can sometimes be a tough choice, but still choice. If there's one thing I can take away from the "Brent Smithian" philosophy kicking around in this thread, it's to just be happier.

[Almond]

Right. So now there's a reason why I asked that. You keep saying "settling" for you. So you don't think very highly of yourself. Almost as if you don't like yourself. Of course you can say "Yes I do, what do you know, you're an internet stranger", but, then, why do you constantly think of yourself as something to "Settle" for? So. The reason I asked about being liked or being sexually wanted is because they're not the same thing. What is LIKEABLE about you? Are you a fun person? Generous? Do you do nice things for people? As a woman, you already have sexual interest in you, but that doesn't immediately grant likeability. Why should anyone like you?

I do like myself, I just don't think there's anything special, unique, etc. about me. I'm pretty plain looking and boring.

Doesn't it depend on the person what's likable? I'm probably not fun. I like to play things pretty safe. I'm a homebody, but I can have adventurous moments sometimes. I try to be nice and polite.

I don't know know why anyone should like me. People seem to get bored with me or give up quickly on trying to get to know me.

[AnathemicOne]

Well it looks like I found myself back on this thread.

I've already posted my situation on here before but long story short: I've attempted to ask a girl out but cowarded out by finding out that she was already asked out so I became close friends with her and was content with it, or so I thought. Fastfoward to the end of the school year she broke up and a month later is still single.

So here I am already building a romantic interest in her but already knowing full well that I'm "friend-zoned" but I can't get her out of my damn mind and off my radar. It doesn't help that I know, from her, that her previous relationship was what she called a "real" one and she never had a meaningful one yet with a guy.

I think I'm around 70-80% sure that I'm just going to ask her out next time I meet up with her as I really don't want to leave this alone with a "what-if."

Being my pessimistic self I'm fully expecting a "no" as I'm not the best looking guy in the world. Either way I just needed to let this out as this whole thing resulted me laying down in my room in self-loathe for the majority of today.

[Leeness]

Sorry for last night, everyone. I can get really weird and talkative with internet people sometimes when I need to vent. My friends/family don't really want to hear it, nor do I really want them to hear it, so I kind of turn to the internet, haha.

Thanks, though.

[ThanksVision]

I had something extremely strange happen to me. There's this girl I've known for at least 6 years now (since 6th grade), and we've been relatively good friends throughout. We're graduating/never gonna see each other again (at least for a long time) after this Summer, so we had been hanging out more often. I guess we were "talking" for about a month and hooking up etc. Eventually, we were casually discussing about how far we have gone sexually, and we both found that neither of us had performed/received cunnilingus. It's pretty much Summer for us now (graduate from HS in a few days woo) so I snuck out the other night and we were making out pretty intensely. I went down on her, and I will say that it was pretty fing awesome. Making her orgasm & everything, I felt like I was in total control, and it felt like we had totally jumped up a level in our relationship (very quickly, mind you, but I'm not really complaining). She kissed me good-bye that night after we had cuddled for a while and everything seemed fine.

Here's when the weird part comes in: When I got home we were texting and she said something along the lines of "I don't know why I get involved with guys because I always end up hurting them." She fell asleep and we talked about it the next day. Here I was, thinking I had her in the palm of my hand like she had me hah, but I was totally wrong. She told me the next day (paraphrasing) "every time I get involved with a guy my feelings always change suddenly and idk why. I don't know if it's my commitment issues or whatever, I just honestly have no idea. I thought it was going to be different with you, so I didn't say anything." Then she kept saying how sorry she was and how she's struggled with this throughout high school. It's been like 4 days and we haven't talked at all since. I feel... Used almost, for lack of a better word. I mean, it was a total booty call! Hah.

I just don't understand why or how this happened, she turned 180 degrees within half an hour. Before I left her house the night I snuck out she was telling me how great "it" was for her and how great I am etc. I honestly don't know how to feel because we had a relatively short relationship and this came so out of left field. I'm thinking I'll try and just grin and bear it, be happy that it happened, and enjoy summer before college. She seemed completely normal, fun, and all around awesome before this. Just a weird situation.

EDIT: I should not, I don't feel too terribly about all of this because it happened so fast, as I mentioned, but there's something that's really bothering me. She is seemingly unaffected by all of this. I'm assuming she's simply not showing it, but it's as if it never happened with her from what I can tell via seeing her at graduation practice, social networks, things like that. That, for some reason, makes me feel like shit. Like I didn't even phase her or anything.

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Some weird shit happened to me today during lunch. I read this post. And then i read this one. And then i saw EvilLore stare into my soul. And then suddenly a switch turned on and i suddenly became positive. Like i was optimistic. Determined to be happy. So i was actually happy today. ANd when i got home, had one of the best workouts at the gym ive had in a while. Increased my weights. And then i went to the mall, and blew 400$ on new clothes that make me look like hot shit. And i was talking to people in a positive way. Saying 'how are you?' and all that shit. Guys i need quick brainwashing techniques to keep me on this positive streak. I am trying a method where if a negative thought comes around i start to say something great and reverse it. Seems to kinda work. I also start my day listening to 'Everybodys free to wear sunscreen'. Actually the last 4 pages in this thread suddenly had a lot of great posts.

Well, that's cause EviLore's eyes will warm even the coldest of souls.

[manipulate]

evillore's always staring at me when i'm on gaf :(

[jaxword]

I don't know know why anyone should like me.

If you don't know, why should anyone else? How COULD anyone else?

[Style Fox]

If you don't know, why should anyone else? How COULD anyone else?

That's a good question right there. How does someone learn to like themselves first.

I've personally never been much of a fan of myself to be honest.

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Would you hang out with yourself? If not, update your life so that you would.

Generally I've noticed that people that don't like themselves are focused on how they look, and they can't get over the body they're going to be attached to forever. In the end, no one you want to be with cares about how you look. They care about how awesome you are. I've known some ugly fucking dudes and ladies that are constantly getting attention because they're charismatic and have shit going on.

[Style Fox]

Would you hang out with yourself? If not, update your life so that you would. Generally I've noticed that people that don't like themselves are focused on how they look, and they can't get over the body they're going to be attached to forever. In the end, no one you want to be with cares about how you look. They care about how awesome you are. I've known some ugly fucking dudes and ladies that are constantly getting attention because they're charismatic and have shit going on.

Wow, this post has really got me thinking more than I thought it could. I don't think I would want to hang out with myself but at the same time I wonder where to start. I go to the gym and I play sports, trying to think of what else I like that I should be doing.

[Log4Girlz]

Sorry for last night, everyone. I can get really weird and talkative with internet people sometimes when I need to vent. My friends/family don't really want to hear it, nor do I really want them to hear it, so I kind of turn to the internet, haha. Thanks, though.

We are here to listen and help. You seem like a real great person, that's how we see you, that's how you come off to us.

[low-G]

Should I bother using any time with a girl that goes through bouts of not being 'touch receptive' a good deal of the time? I haven't gotten what I need from her for over a month now.

How long should I wait before I say whelp and just cut her out of my life completely?

Would you hang out with yourself? If not, update your life so that you would. Generally I've noticed that people that don't like themselves are focused on how they look, and they can't get over the body they're going to be attached to forever. In the end, no one you want to be with cares about how you look. They care about how awesome you are. I've known some ugly fucking dudes and ladies that are constantly getting attention because they're charismatic and have shit going on.

I want to meet the female version of myself, except in Asian, please. I still focus on myself and my looks a lot, I'm still pretty 'fragile' there, but man I could talk & hang out with myself all day every day.

The problem isn't people not wanting to hang out with me, it's people not wanting/being able to give me what I need.

[Jimmy Stav]

So I met this girl recently after walking her home (we live a block away from each other, as it turns out) following our professor's end-of-the-semester party. We smoked outside of her house for awhile, and eventually she let me in after which we talked until 5AM. We hung out again the next day for a similarly absurd amount of time (though we started earlier) and I haven't seen her since. This was Saturday. Now, I've been "out of the game" for nearly a year now (bad breakup), so this whole thing has me extremely anxious. I like this girl a lot, and I almost wish I didn't. We've texted here and there since, but I have yet to ask her to hang out. Do I dare try asking her within the next few days, or should I let her make the move? Her family is in town for graduation at the moment so I won't necessarily have to worry about it yet . Part of me feels like its better to be assertive, but at the same time if I let her ask then I'll get a better sense if she's interested or not. I loathe this process.

Dating-Age Success Story:

It turns out she was interested. I ended up asking her to dinner, after which she stayed the night. We laid in bed until 5PM the next day leading into what was undoubtedly the most insane two weeks of my life. Love was found to be mutual on the third day, and it's something we've been maintaining in spite of her living 5-6 hours away (her in LA, me in the Bay Area). I stayed with her last weekend and will be doing so again (for a week) tomorrow. Feels good man.

[low-G]

That's the answer. You are probaby BF material to her too. If she considers you simply as a friend, she wouldn't take the time to text you only to "reminder" you she had a good time.

Every girl I've ever dated has taken extra steps to tell me she had a good time and some of them also said with that 'we should just be friends' and others just trailed off.

IMO the 'I had a great time' 'thank you' whatever is completely meaningless.