[Duderz]

I've only been on this site for almost a week, and I've gotten 43 visitors (which is encouraging). The flip side to that is, I've sent out 27 messages, but only 7 replies, only one of which has replied to me multiple times. Probably 90% of the girls I message have the "reply very selectively" icon, which pretty much means I am screwed.

This is a hard website to even get a date on! Any tips on my profile?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/rippedsteakface

[SlipperySlope]

I've only been on this site for almost a week, and I've gotten 43 visitors (which is encouraging). The flip side to that is, I've sent out 27 messages, but only 7 replies, only one of which has replied to me multiple times. Probably 90% of the girls I message have the "reply very selectively" icon, which pretty much means I am screwed. This is a hard website to even get a date on! Any tips on my profile? http://www.okcupid.com/profile/rippedsteakface

7 replies from 27 messages is above average. Your second message sounds like it needs work. Send us an example and we'll see if we can help you with it.

Second replies should be at least 70%, and of those, 100% should close with a number.

[Jipan]

Seems like my messages are getting a bit better. I've started to make them less generic or business like and more personable. I've been able to put in my dry/smartarse humour and have gotten a few replies because of it. Though because of the improved messages I've gotten a lot more profile views with no replies. I know it shouldn't effect you but it sure chips away at your confidence. :(

Agreed. I get way more views than responses. I send out one message, and get one reply back before it fizzles. Then I look at my visitors and see the chick in question view my profile one more time before she has buyer's remorse. It's extremely annoying that it happens because women are getting dozens of messages from other guys that you're competing against; they have many options. And I say something interesting. I think I ask too many questions in the reply, so I've toned it down. I also stopped apologizing for sending a message a few days later as well.

Online dating is a number's game, and just like real life you'll have ups and downs. One week you may exchange messages with multiple girls. The next you'll get absolutely nothing. But if the area you're in is rather large, the turnover rate is pretty good. Just be optimistic and confident that you're different and better than the other guys on there. Not every girl will see it, but some will. Don't settle, but don't be entirely superficial either (that's hard to do considering the medium, but try to keep an open mind). You're not super-handsome yet you want that hot girl to message you? Reverse the genders and suddenly you're ignoring messages from uglier girls.

This is a good mentality to keep in mind with online dating. Although it is tough trying to get more than one response chain going. Like I said, it's hard to gauge a woman's interest online because most people look at pictures first, profile second and I'm a fairly good looking guy. But otherwise, I completely agree; there are women that will be genuinely interested and give people a chance so that's why we can't get discouraged.

I've only been on this site for almost a week, and I've gotten 43 visitors (which is encouraging). The flip side to that is, I've sent out 27 messages, but only 7 replies, only one of which has replied to me multiple times. Probably 90% of the girls I message have the "reply very selectively" icon, which pretty much means I am screwed. This is a hard website to even get a date on! Any tips on my profile? http://www.okcupid.com/profile/rippedsteakface

Your profile is pretty good. I would get rid of oxygen as things you can't live without because that's common sense and put something else that shows off your personality. Think about your hobbies, any obscure activities that you do, etc. I would also not repeatedly mention art so often throughout your profile; people know you're an artist from the first box. Mentioning that you go to art galleries is a fun activity so keep stuff like that without it being so obvious even though the pictures give away that you like going to art galleries.

In the "I'm really good at" box, put something more unique to you e.g. you can pop a mean wheelie on your bike with a passenger on the back (bad example). I'm guilty of doing myself because it's hard not to discuss what you're passionate about. My username has the word artist in it so yeah.

Overall though, it's pretty good and upbeat. I don't see why women have a reason not to reply more often (well there could be a multitude of reasons but ultimately, it comes down to personal interest). Especially since you have the looks to back up the personality. Ignore the "Replies very selectively" disclaimer; you do it because you want to do it. If she doesn't reply then so be it. So I would say roll the dice and see what happens.

[GameplayWhore]

In the "I'm really good at" box, put something more unique to you e.g. you can pop a mean wheelie on your bike with a passenger on the back (bad example). I'm guilty of doing myself because it's hard not to discuss what you're passionate about. My username has the word artist in it so yeah.

I liked the alliteration. If I were a nerdy girl, I'd squee a little (well, if our match % wasn't zero, which is pretty crazy).

The Bollywood paragraph is fun, too.

It's a little thin on content, though. Sometimes people look at profiles to see if someone has similar interests. I don't get much of a sense of what you do with your life from this. I've noticed that people who have artistic careers hide their actual lives, perhaps in fear of seeming too boring or something, when in reality they're often connected to a pretty great web of active people.

[Jipan]

I liked the alliteration. If I were a nerdy girl, I'd squee a little (well, if our match % wasn't zero, which is pretty crazy). The Bollywood paragraph is fun, too. It's a little thin on content, though. Sometimes people look at profiles to see if someone has similar interests. I don't get much of a sense of what you do with your life from this. I've noticed that people who have artistic careers hide their actual lives, perhaps in fear of seeming too boring or something, when in reality they're often connected to a pretty great web of active people.

If he can do really do it then it'd be a total babe magnet. It's pretty exhilarating riding on a motorcycle as is. I agree, I like the Bollywood paragraph.

Sometimes, less is more so I would say to find a balance between saying too much and saying too little; maybe elaborate on a few more things. Or at least show things that people allude to in their profile versus simply saying it. I've seen a ton of women's profiles that have fun pictures and a nice profile to back it up. It pales in comparison to the type of pictures I have. But then there will be others that have nice pictures but a bare bones profile so it becomes harder to think about something to say.

I think it's because of the "starving artist" stigma that's associated with it; they're supposedly losers who barely scrape by to make ends meet. It is very much a social thing though like you said so that's definitely one of the fun aspects about it. Especially if it's a studio artist/traditional artist.

[True Underdog]

Ignore the "Replies very selectively" disclaimer; you do it because you want to do it. If she doesn't reply then so be it. So I would I would say roll the dice and see what happens.

I agree with this. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that they don't reply to the simple one liner, "hey" messages. Almost everyone who replies to me has that disclaimer. I make sure that every message I send is something unique to that person. Unfortunately most conversations don't get past the first couple messages. I guess they're just being nice.

Two questions, however:
What's the ruling on sending someone another message after a short, 2 message interaction a week ago? I'd like to give it another go but if it's better to just leave it alone, I will.

Also, I set up a date with someone today, for Saturday. We had a nice conversation over text messages, she gave me her number a few messages in, I didn't ask for it either (confidence booster). The conversation ended with us setting up the date. Just a time, we haven't picked a place yet. I'd still like to talk to her some more tonight but I don't want to do that "over communication" thing mentioned several pages back, anyone got any input?

[Duderz]

Hmm, this has given me a lot to think about (And I've already made tweaks accordingly).

But, sadly, no motorcycle wheelies yet....I settled for lane splitting instead. I will definitely elaborate on a few more things, like what I want to do with my career. Thanks guys.

[mjc]

Just got done with a first date, and I think it went really well over all. We just had dinner (yeah kinda boring) but we talked for about two hours straight. The real possible killer is that I went in for a light hug at the end and she shrunk away, saying she doesn't like touching. I apologized right there, and then held out a high five which she also retracted. I did say that I'd want to see her again, and she agreed...so it's weird.

I know that some people are weary of any touching, but I'm trying to figure out if she was like that or if she just really didn't want any kind of contact. She seemed quite nervous the whole night, I could see it in her body language from the get go. Hard to analyze.

[tearsofash]

Date tomorrow. I hope it's not already doomed for failure what with having to be picked up and all. Damn car.

[GameplayWhore]

Date tomorrow. I hope it's not already doomed for failure what with having to be picked up and all. Damn car.

If you end the night with food in your tummy, then it was a good date. Anything above that is merely a nice bonus. :)

[tearsofash]

If you end the night with food in your tummy, then it was a good date. Anything above that is merely a nice bonus. :)

Hell, any day I end up with food in my tummy is a good day at this point.

[Ganondorfo]

This is only USA right, damn because that site looks great, too bad my country isnt in that site...

[Darklord]

I got a message, in the email all I could see "lol!!!! haha! That's great-". Oh cool, she liked my message and then I open the message..."lol!!!! haha! That's great!! Thanks for the message it was hilarious but I don't think we would work out. Good luck in your search." Really? Really? Why even send a god damn message?

However, I did get another one that said she had to reply because my message was "such a brilliant message." but she's really sick at the moment so she said she owes me a good message. Should I reply again or leave it until she gets around to that other message? Her profile says she doesn't want any romance and she only lists that after friends but should I try and make something work anyway(maybe not romantic but more than friends)? From her profile she's a really kinky nerd. You can't get better than that.

This is only USA right, damn because that site looks great, too bad my country isnt in that site...

It's not just USA.

[Lone_Prodigy]

Just got done with a first date, and I think it went really well over all. We just had dinner (yeah kinda boring) but we talked for about two hours straight. The real possible killer is that I went in for a light hug at the end and she shrunk away, saying she doesn't like touching. I apologized right there, and then held out a high five which she also retracted. I did say that I'd want to see her again, and she agreed...so it's weird. I know that some people are weary of any touching, but I'm trying to figure out if she was like that or if she just really didn't want any kind of contact. She seemed quite nervous the whole night, I could see it in her body language from the get go. Hard to analyze.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. If she wants to see you again then go on another date and see where it goes. Some people may just be germaphobic (like Howie Mandel).

[mjc]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. If she wants to see you again then go on another date and see where it goes. Some people may just be germaphobic (like Howie Mandel).

It was only weird driving home because I thought I blew the whole thing. I texted her last night apologizing if I made her uncomfortable, and she said not to worry. Apparently her family wasn't very touchy-feely while she was growing up or something, so who knows. Maybe she's a germaphobe too. I definitely want to give her an honest shot but there has to be point where she loosens up and gets somewhat affectionate. I can't understand how a relationship would work otherwise. She actually apologized to me for being awkward about it so that was kind of nice. She agreed to go out again though, so I just have to set it up.

[Jason's Ultimatum]

Just got done with a first date, and I think it went really well over all. We just had dinner (yeah kinda boring) but we talked for about two hours straight. The real possible killer is that I went in for a light hug at the end and she shrunk away, saying she doesn't like touching. I apologized right there, and then held out a high five which she also retracted. I did say that I'd want to see her again, and she agreed...so it's weird. I know that some people are weary of any touching, but I'm trying to figure out if she was like that or if she just really didn't want any kind of contact. She seemed quite nervous the whole night, I could see it in her body language from the get go. Hard to analyze.

She doesn't liked to be touched? Er, she seems to have issues. Here's a tissue.

[mjc]

She doesn't liked to be touched? Er, she seems to have issues. Here's a tissue.

Its hard to digest, I know. And to be honest it was/is a huge mood killer.

[OSHAN]

I used to have an okcupid account. I just reactivated it because I was curious what I wrote ... behold!

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/blueoshan

I'm taken now so I should probably deactivate this soon.

[FelixOrion]

Meh.

I think I'm gonna deactivate my account. There is basically no one around me and I've messaged pretty much everyone I'm interested in from age 18-25, and even girls I'm only remotely interested in. Few replies and those that reply are all a long ways away.

OkCupid just doesn't work for me, I guess.

Later.

[OSHAN]

I only ended up going on one date with a girl that was attractive and normal.

Didn't work out but a fun few weeks.

I had better luck with match.com.

[tearsofash]

Does anyone have much experience with cougar hunting on okc? Should I use a different service for that?

[FelixOrion]

I only ended up going on one date with a girl that was attractive and normal. Didn't work out but a fun few weeks. I had better luck with match.com.

Yeah, I still think my same "rural area" issue would rear its ugly head here to. Not worth it, especially if I have to pay.

[zlatko]

So I'm officially dating the girl I went on several dates with. We had another last night where she slept over.

Deleted my profile. Good luck to rest of GAF.

Stats:
150+ Messages on just OKC(30+ on match, 30+ on POF that aren't included in this)
50ish replies
Got 4 numbers of chicks.
Went on dates with 3 different girls.
Stuff happened on all dates. ;)
4 dates with one of those girls lead to a relationship.

Grinding completed.

[Jackben]

Meh. I think I'm gonna deactivate my account. There is basically no one around me and I've messaged pretty much everyone I'm interested in from age 18-25, and even girls I'm only remotely interested in. Few replies and those that reply are all a long ways away. OkCupid just doesn't work for me, I guess. Later.

I only ended up going on one date with a girl that was attractive and normal. Didn't work out but a fun few weeks. I had better luck with match.com.

Or you guys could just walk away from the site for a few weeks and come back? New people sign up all the time and you might have new matches, messages and views to check out.

I went on like 10 different dates, some that got cancelled or who bailed on me, some that didn't go well and some that went awesome and then the person disappeared and it sucked. Other people I spent a few weeks with and it didn't end up working out. Other months where I didn't get any leads at all. That's not counting how many god-forsaken original and tailored-to-her-profile messages I wrote that didn't get responded to.

Overall I spent about 8 months using OKCupid and sometimes it could be really frustrating. But eventually I found my current girlfriend that I've been with for 6 months. I love her and finding her was worth it for me.

I'm not meaning for this to be a testimonial to promote OKCupid, I just think the attitude of "welp it looks like nothing happened in this amount of time so fuck it I'm deactivating everything, this wasn't fun, what a mistake" isn't the best to have regardless of if you choose to continue online or offline dating.

Stuff takes time. Just let the site go and pursue some different IRL leads.

EDIT: Congrats zlatko! Nice analogy. If Maxrpg wasn't banned I'm sure he would be patting you on the back as well.

[FelixOrion]

Or you guys could just walk away from the site for a few weeks and come back? New people sign up all the time and you might have new matches, messages and views to check out. I went on like 10 different dates, some that got cancelled or who bailed on me, some that didn't go well and some that went awesome and then the person disappeared and it sucked. Other people I spent a few weeks with and it didn't end up working out. Other months where I didn't get any leads at all. That's not counting how many god-forsaken original and tailored-to-her-profile messages I wrote that didn't get responded to. Overall I spent about 8 months using OKCupid and sometimes it could be really frustrating. But eventually I found my current girlfriend that I've been with for 6 months. I love her and finding her was worth it for me. I'm not meaning for this to be a testimonial to promote OKCupid, I just think the attitude of "welp it looks like nothing happened in this amount of time so fuck it I'm deactivating everything, this wasn't fun, what a mistake" isn't the best to have regardless of if you choose to continue online or offline dating. Stuff takes time. Just let the site go and pursue some different IRL leads. EDIT: Congrats zlatko! Nice analogy. If Maxrpg wasn't banned I'm sure he would be patting you on the back as well.

I suppose, though I still have my doubts with it.

[OSHAN]

Or you guys could just walk away from the site for a few weeks and come back? .

I just got engaged two weeks ago.

I don't think I should go back to the website.

[Jackben]

Ha. I didn't catch that part. Well yeah you obviously shouldn't.

And if you have doubts Felix, just try something else. You don't have to deactivate your account. If you feel strongly about it you can but don't take the situation too hard. Sometimes the timing just isn't right.

[Darklord]

I asked one girl out and got her number. When I texted her she stilled seemed to want to meet. I asked where she was and sound a place not too far away. When I texted her back with the place and said saturday evening I got no reply. A few hours later she replies with she can't go out now. wtf. Then she says she still wants to meet sometime but in the day.

Did I freak her out for simply asking to meet in the evening? I didn't see a problem in that. Now I'm not sure what to say. I just texted back that that's ok and we'll make a day meet and left it at that. Now I'm not sure what to do. Should I text her tomorrow and ask her what day she's free in the coming week so she can pick the day?

[OSHAN]

I asked one girl out and got her number. When I texted her she stilled seemed to want to meet. I asked where she was and sound a place not too far away. When I texted her back with the place and said saturday evening I got no reply. A few hours later she replies with she can't go out now. wtf. Then she says she still wants to meet sometime but in the day. Did I freak her out for simply asking to meet in the evening? I didn't see a problem in that. Now I'm not sure what to say. I just texted back that that's ok and we'll make a day meet and left it at that. Now I'm not sure what to do. Should I text her tomorrow and ask her what day she's free in the coming week so she can pick the day?

This is why I call girls when setting up dates. You can't feel out a girl's tone through texts.

I would just call dude; if it goes to voicemail just leave a VM saying you thought it would be easier setting something up over the phone so just give me a call when you get a chance.

If she calls, she calls. If she doesn't, on to the next one.

[Darklord]

This is why I call girls when setting up dates. You can't feel out a girl's tone through texts. I would just call dude; if it goes to voicemail just leave a VM saying you thought it would be easier setting something up over the phone so just give me a call when you get a chance. If she calls, she calls. If she doesn't, on to the next one.

I dunno, I hate calling. I would rather a face to face than to call any day. I feel like I'd come off awkward and nervous which really wouldn't help things.

[Empowe]

Okay guys, so I've never dated before. I just did a search on Match.com for women that don't want kids (I never want kids - fuck that), and it turned up with 1 result. 1!

Ooooooh boy. Seems my dating pool is pretty much nonexistant, and I've not even started yet.

And if I can't find them on a dating site, what are my chances of bumping into somebody that meets that requirement in the real world?

[TrAcEr_x90]

I actually got setup on a blind date through a friend. Decided to login to my okcupid account I never fully setup and found her on there. Actually a very cute girl! So not so much of a blind date anymore! haha

[OSHAN]

I dunno, I hate calling. I would rather a face to face than to call any day. I feel like I'd come off awkward and nervous which really wouldn't help things.

Awkward and nervous? What kinda Darklord is that?

Okay guys, so I've never dated before. I just did a search on Match.com for women that don't want kids (I never want kids - fuck that), and it turned up with 1 result. 1! Ooooooh boy. Seems my dating pool is pretty much nonexistant.

I remember in my match profile I noted I wasn't interested in dating chicks with kids and I would get messages from chicks with kids asking what my problem was.

It's hard to find a girl that straight up doesn't want kids. I wouldn't worry about that now though. I would just go on some dates.

[Darklord]

Awkward and nervous? What kinda Darklord is that?

Hey, I never saw Darth Vader on the phone!

[Lone_Prodigy]

Okay guys, so I've never dated before. I just did a search on Match.com for women that don't want kids (I never want kids - fuck that), and it turned up with 1 result. 1! Ooooooh boy. Seems my dating pool is pretty much nonexistant, and I've not even started yet. And if I can't find them on a dating site, what are my chances of bumping into somebody that meets that requirement in the real world?

Cross that bridge when you get to it (i.e. when considering marriage). Saying you 100% don't want kids at any time in the future severely limits your options.

[SquiddyCracker]

I'm just trying to find buddies on this site, is my profile coming off friendly and disarming enough?

[gazele]

So I'm officially dating the girl I went on several dates with. We had another last night where she slept over. Deleted my profile. Good luck to rest of GAF. Stats: 150+ Messages on just OKC(30+ on match, 30+ on POF that aren't included in this) 50ish replies Got 4 numbers of chicks. Went on dates with 3 different girls. Stuff happened on all dates. ;) 4 dates with one of those girls lead to a relationship. Grinding completed.

Congrats!

[bodyboarder]

So I'm officially dating the girl I went on several dates with. We had another last night where she slept over. Deleted my profile. Good luck to rest of GAF. Stats: 150+ Messages on just OKC(30+ on match, 30+ on POF that aren't included in this) 50ish replies Got 4 numbers of chicks. Went on dates with 3 different girls. Stuff happened on all dates. ;) 4 dates with one of those girls lead to a relationship. Grinding completed.

Nice work. It really is a grind.

[Nilaul]

Whatever happened to going out and talking to a woman?

[wind_steaker]

Whatever happened to going out and talking to a woman?

These things are not mutually exclusive.

[~Kinggi~]

So I'm officially dating the girl I went on several dates with. We had another last night where she slept over. Deleted my profile. Good luck to rest of GAF. Stats: 150+ Messages on just OKC(30+ on match, 30+ on POF that aren't included in this) 50ish replies Got 4 numbers of chicks. Went on dates with 3 different girls. Stuff happened on all dates. ;) 4 dates with one of those girls lead to a relationship. Grinding completed.

good lord, this fills me with terror. I just kinda wanna delete my profile now.

[megamerican]

Any tips for general bullshit to pad out your profile? I do my job and then I pretty much wanna get drunk and watch movies. I don't have any interesting hobbies or passions. I would appreciate any feedback.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/spaceprofessor

[Tex117]

Any tips for general bullshit to pad out your profile? I do my job and then I pretty much wanna get drunk and watch movies. I don't have any interesting hobbies or passions. I would appreciate any feedback. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/spaceprofessor

You sound more negative than you should be IMO.

You start off saying "I Hate"...sets the wrong tone.

[megamerican]

You sound more negative than you should be IMO. You start off saying "I Hate"...sets the wrong tone.

Thanks. I changed it. I was never really happy with that anyway.

[FelixOrion]

And if you have doubts Felix, just try something else. You don't have to deactivate your account. If you feel strongly about it you can but don't take the situation too hard. Sometimes the timing just isn't right.

I don't think the "timing" will be right until I move out of this town/area (provided I move to a larger city), so a couple of years down the road. I think I'd rather just deactivate it and not deal with it anymore but, we'll see.

[Ramblin]

Any tips for general bullshit to pad out your profile? I do my job and then I pretty much wanna get drunk and watch movies. I don't have any interesting hobbies or passions. I would appreciate any feedback. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/spaceprofessor

pretty honest? That's the first thing I noticed. You don't like any books music or food? what are you hiding?

[wenis]

ive got my 3rd date next wednesday... she's a super lady.

[Kipe]

I don't think the "timing" will be right until I move out of this town/area (provided I move to a larger city), so a couple of years down the road. I think I'd rather just deactivate it and not deal with it anymore but, we'll see.

Why deactivate your account? Leave it as it is and check in every other week or something.

[FelixOrion]

Why deactivate your account? Leave it as it is and check in every other week or something.

Because I just see it going nowhere fast? Because I've exhausted the pool?

I'm gonna leave it up for now, yes, but I'm not getting my hopes up for anything. I'll just let it sit for a few weeks and then probably give it the ax.

[Sarye]

Because I just see it going nowhere fast? Because I've exhausted the pool? I'm gonna leave it up for now, yes, but I'm not getting my hopes up for anything. I'll just let it sit for a few weeks and then probably give it the ax.

The point people are making is why close yourself off of that pool of women when you literally don't have to do anything to take a break from it? That's like saying, "meeting women at bars and clubs are terrible, I'm just never going to go out anymore"

Sometimes you find the right person through a string of coincidences but if you deactivate your account, nothing like that will ever happen. Does it grate you leaving it active or something?