[Sadsic]

No shit! I had no idea. What do you do in Portland? It'd be really hilarious if I've seen you at a bar or something and had no idea who you are. ...it wouldn't surprise me. Hah. I just got home from class, but I'm about to listen to the rest of the stuff on Bandcamp and on Soundcloud. Bandcamp first though. :p As for performing the music, there are definitely ways of doing this kinda stuff live. A lot of this revolves around setting effects that you turn on and off and twisting knobs live and stuff. I'm sure if you sat around and messed with some stuff in Ableton or whatever program you're using you could start to figure it out. As an example.... A sick performance by Baths. http://www.pitchfork.com/tv/yours-truly/9-baths/ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cKArf52l2k

i use ableton live, i could definitely work live with it, im just really anxious/phobic in big crowds

[Grakl]

i use ableton live, i could definitely work live with it, im just really anxious/phobic in big crowds

You could pull a Daft Punk and wear something that hides your face. Helps with me.

[Dartastic]

You could pull a Daft Punk and wear something that hides your face. Helps with me.

You could totally do that. Besides, you'd start really small to begin with anyway. Play in front of some of your friends or something. And just remember, like, you can't succeed if you don't try. In order to succeed, you have to fail. And it's okay to fail. But you really should give it a shot, because it's really cool music. Listening to Honey now. I do like it, genuinely.

[hawkshockey11]

yeah some of that... here is a future thing http://dl.dropbox.com/u/40086894/Rec...0Dysphoria.mp3

At first I was like "ehhhh... this doesn't flow as well as the other stuff" and then I noticed it was playing in two tabs at the same time unsynched.... It is awesome sadsic

[Dartastic]

Oh my god, ghostmurderer is SICK. FUCUUUUUCK.

http://soundcloud.com/sadsic/ghostmurderer

[Grakl]

Oh my god, ghostmurderer is SICK. FUCUUUUUCK. http://soundcloud.com/sadsic/ghostmurderer

Yessir. Dat Mario Boo sample.

[Eric Walton]

was a minor

can you elaborate? You would have to be a very young minor to receive that kind of treatment. Doctors usually don't conduct evaluations only to pass off the results to a parent to handle.. unless the kid is young enough to where he/she wouldn't be able to comprehend the diagnosis.

[secretanchitman]

OP's music is kickass, seriously.

OP - things *will* get better for you, i guarantee it.

[Sadsic]

can you elaborate? You would have to be a very young minor to receive that kind of treatment. Doctors usually don't conduct evaluations only to pass off the results to a parent to handle.. unless the kid is young enough to where he/she wouldn't be able to comprehend the diagnosis.

first time, i was 16, was told by my mom the therapist didnt want to see me anymore, and i didnt see that therapist anymore...

after that, i had a therapist when i was like 17-18 and i was literally told by my mom word for word i was "too far gone" for the therapist to help me

thats my exact memory

[Eric Walton]

first time, i was 16, was told by my mom the therapist didnt want to see me anymore, and i didnt see that therapist anymore... after that, i had a therapist when i was like 17-18 and i was literally told by my mom word for word i was "too far gone" for the therapist to help me thats my exact memory

yeah, that's very odd that at 16 and 17 the therapists were talking to your mother without you, at least about the diagnosis.

[animlboogy]

first time, i was 16, was told by my mom the therapist didnt want to see me anymore, and i didnt see that therapist anymore... after that, i had a therapist when i was like 17-18 and i was literally told by my mom word for word i was "too far gone" for the therapist to help me thats my exact memory

Your mom was wholesale lying to you man.

[CrocMother]

+1 for how good the music is.

[Plywood]

Sadsic your music is really, really good. I hope you seek the necessary help to get better and I hope you keep improving your work. Wish I could say more, but I believe everyone has already told you what you need to know. Best of luck in getting better.

[Sadsic]

Your mom was wholesale lying to you man.

my mom does that a lot.

[themustardman]

Bought one of your ep's with as much as I could spare dude. Great music. Get that stuff you're working on out and available for sale!

[Harry Potter]

You music is awesome man. You have a real talent. Don'l let your past and others get in your way.

[Dartastic]

Hey man, sound familiar? ;)

http://dealershades.bandcamp.com/tra...hades-x-sadsic

[Sadsic]

Hey man, sound familiar? ;) http://dealershades.bandcamp.com/tra...hades-x-sadsic

yes! holy shit i didnt even know that song was ever used

hom?

[Dartastic]

yes! holy shit i didnt even know that song was ever used hom?

Yup. We're friends on FB. I don't remember how I met him though. Hahaha. :p

[Sadsic]

Yup. We're friends on FB. I don't remember how I met him though. Hahaha. :p

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yeah hom tanks is like a friend of a friend

the song in the background is a song i made around b. forever times... i dont even think he made that with my permission lol

[Dartastic]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah hom tanks is like a friend of a friend the song in the background is a song i made around b. forever times... i dont even think he made that with my permission lol

Hahaha! Yeah, I posted B. Forever to a mutual friend's wall, and he commented on it. Pretttty amusing. -.-

[Darkmakaimura]

I'm crying and feeling so suicidal at this moment in my life... I haven't been able to restart college since I've been here successfully and I'm currently unemployed... my last girlfriend hates me and I don't have any money or friends really.

*hugs*

This sums up exactly me right now. I'm in no position to go through the entire thread right now, but this really struck a chord with me.

I'm going to check back in the next day or two with this thread.

In the meantime, I hope you find some peace and help.

[Sadsic]

*hugs* This sums up exactly me right now. I'm in no position to go through the entire thread right now, but this really struck a chord with me. I'm going to check back in the next day or two with this thread. In the meantime, I hope you find some peace and help.

im actually much less suicidal today. people here seem to really be trying to help me, i actually feel sort of happy

[Gritesh]

Jesus this music is awesome!

Like holy shit awesome, what da hell man, you may have 99 problems but talent isn't one.

[spyhunterzero]

Good to see that you're feeling better. Hopefully it becomes a trend for you good sir.
Also, really digging your music, it's really good.

[Negator]

Do yourself a favor and drop all communication with your mother. She is POISONING you and you should not subject yourself to her bullshit any longer. Getting out of that mess was probably the best decision you could have made for yourself.

I know you have the potential to become a stable human being. People here seem to like your music. I gave it a listen, not really my thing, but it sounds good. You are obviously talented, and are on the right track to recovering from this horrible abuse.

If you aren't keen on ejecting your mother from your life completely, you can become a stronger person and meet her again in a few years. Keep your distance for now and see how your life develops.

[Dartastic]

Just wondering, but what's your home situation right now? It seems like it'd be a really good idea to just try and get a minimum wage job in a cool city or something and just strike out on your own, ya know?

[Darkmakaimura]

This is going to sound rude, but my first response to this was 'fuck off'. When it comes to depression and other forms of mental illness, there's no 'snap out of it'. It's not a matter of 'hey -- I know the cure for your depression. All you have to do is start smiling and thinking happy thoughts!'. If it were that simple then people wouldn't be depressed. The whole point of depression is that you can't snap out of it. When that happens, people need help from others.

So well said. I don't like when people say 'snap out of it' or 'pick yourself up by your bootstraps' because it's not that easy.

Sadsic, you said you don't have friends but do you have anyone like someone you hang with every now and then? Maybe you can visit them and talk with them?

Again, I can't stress how much I understand what you're going through. I wasn't going to continue reading this thread tonight because it hits me too hard, but I gave in. It's so exhausting for me to mention my own issues but like I said, you're self-hatred, you're lack of money and real friends and viewing everything you do as wrong is exactly how I feel about myself.

You're post angered me because I see so much wrong done to you. You don't deserve this.

I would say maybe a good thing right now would be to watch a some television. Watch something goofy or funny. Have any favorite sitcoms? Three's Company always cheered me up a bit when I was down - maybe there's something for you? Also, maybe a good book on science you can read. I just want to see if there's any short term solutions for you right now. I know you don't want to go back to the hospital and I cannot blame you. I've been in suicide watch and actually was insulted by a nurse during my time there.

I will go with one of the first replies where a GAF member asked if there's anyone who can hang out with you. If there's anyone in Southern Maryland nearby in this thread, maybe they can hang with you and give you an open ear. This is the probably the best thing for you.

I shed tears for you tonight. Again, I hear you loud and clear.

[Mistouze]

So well said. I don't like when people say 'snap out of it' or 'pick yourself up by your bootstraps' because it's not that easy.

I prefer being happy for them that they don't understand.

[Darkmakaimura]

OP, you're definitely not a fuck up. You have more going for you than I could ever wish for! Second in grad and that music! This is a good start. There's even people here who recognize you through your music.

Already, you are witness to being someone with talent and even have a "fan base". I'm really glad too to see the majority of GAF in this thread showing kindness and understanding. :)

[Eric Walton]

Did the doctors offer you any explanation as to why you did not hear your own diagnosis? During the evaluation, did they make it clear that you would not hear the results?

[cashman]

The better question would be, "How do I not love myself?" That is some great music man!

[computers putin']

Wow, I thought some of you guys were bullshitting him, but some of his music was actually pretty good.Not a fan of all of it but I was definitely feeling the more hip-hop influenced tracks. That "Alone" track was pretty ill especially. I'mma dig through more of your stuff in the morning when I wake up

[19 & 21]

Goddamn, you've got some serious talent. My Friends and the one you linked to via dropbox are really great. Wish I had more time to look into it tonight. I don't even -want- to make music and I'm jealous.

[Hoo-doo]

Oh my god, ghostmurderer is SICK. FUCUUUUUCK. http://soundcloud.com/sadsic/ghostmurderer

This is so awesome. Real witch-house vibe. The So Many Strangers track is amazing.

Edit: Listening to more of your stuff on Soundcloud, you have mad talent for creating amazing hiphop soundscapes.

[Uchip]

I think im in the same situation, minus the talent, plus some brain damage
why am i still here? because the shittiest life is better than none

[Chinner]

some of stuff on your soundcloud is pretty cool bro.

[trinest]

Sadsic your music is the light at the end of your tunnel, this stuff is amazing.

[charlie_l]

I mainly lurk and rarely post on GAF, but after listening to most of your stuff (for the better part of my evening!) I had to drop by and echo the sentiments of just about everybody else in this thread--you make some damn good music OP! I will definitely have a lot of your tracks in rotation in the upcoming weeks. I hope you start feeling better soon Sadsic!

[Sadsic]

man whoever sent me 100$ is seriously like my long lost lover or something

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

[Sadsic]

gonna see a therapist for in-take later today. hoping i dont get bullshit

[Amibguous Cad]

yeah, that's very odd that at 16 and 17 the therapists were talking to your mother without you, at least about the diagnosis.

The therapists probably weren't talking to his mom, and she was making it up wholesale.

[H3xum]

gonna see a therapist for in-take later today. hoping i dont get bullshit

Great, man. This is all you this time, remember that.

And

Your beats are buck nasty

[Sadsic]

Great, man. This is all you this time, remember that. And Your beats are buck nasty

im gonna release a little ep soon, ill prolly make a new thread for the music.

[thespot84]

Get yourself into production ASAP. Coming from a musician you seriously have a gift. At first listen I'm imaging hearing this behind hip hop, but you could do tons of stuff with it.

I would even recommend getting into commercial production (for stuff like tv spots) in order to make some money, since that's where the real money is. You're in portland? Get in touch with ad agencies, like Wieden+Kennedy or something and offer your services, maybe even cheap at first to get em hooked.

Really great stuff.

[Sadsic]

Get yourself into production ASAP. Coming from a musician you seriously have a gift. At first listen I'm imaging hearing this behind hip hop, but you could do tons of stuff with it. I would even recommend getting into commercial production (for stuff like tv spots) in order to make some money, since that's where the real money is. You're in portland? Get in touch with ad agencies, like Wieden+Kennedy or something and offer your services, maybe even cheap at first to get em hooked. Really great stuff.

im in maryland lol

i would loooooove to get into production, get a degree, but i have had horrific panic attacks and anxiety going to college.

like last time i went i became so anxious i was afraid if i got out of my car i would be forced to commit suicide, i couldnt leave the parking lot to just go to class for like 3 hours

[Sadsic]

im going to seriously become physically catatonic if i have to ever have to go to class again

[thespot84]

im in maryland lol i would loooooove to get into production, get a degree, but i have had horrific panic attacks and anxiety going to college. like last time i went i became so anxious i was afraid if i got out of my car i would be forced to commit suicide, i couldnt leave the parking lot to just go to class for like 3 hours

I had skimmed and saw something about portland, my bad. Where in maryland?

Either way, on the commercial side, there are ad agencies everywhere, and most of it would be freelance work where you wouldn't even need to leave your house. At my last company the I never even met the guy who put our videos together.

there's also sites like e-lance where you could start looking for basic production work. It honestly doesn't require a degree, you could easily start off doing gigs for a few hundred bucks doing background music for 20 second youtube videos. Build up a portfolio of that stuff and then start selling to bigger shops for more in-depth work. You'd be amazed at how fast it could all come together.

[Foxy Fox 39]

I had skimmed and saw something about portland, my bad. Where in maryland? Either way, on the commercial side, there are ad agencies everywhere, and most of it would be freelance work where you wouldn't even need to leave your house. At my last company the I never even met the guy who put our videos together. there's also sites like e-lance where you could start looking for basic production work. It honestly doesn't require a degree, you could easily start off doing gigs for a few hundred bucks doing background music for 20 second youtube videos. Build up a portfolio of that stuff and then start selling to bigger shops for more in-depth work. You'd be amazed at how fast it could all come together.

Sadsic, listen to this man. It's not as hard as you think. I'm just learning this myself. I have an inferiority complex about my art compared to other people but I just made 500 bucks for a design I did. Something that I thought would take me awhile to do..but if you have the talent people will be willing to give you a chance...and you have the talent man. If you want to get a degree go for it, but right now, do what you can and what thespot84 said is completely right.

[Foxy Fox 39]

Hope you don't mind me saying but your stuff has a very Ratatat vibe, which I'm digging. Very nice man.