[John Rabbit]

friendzone almost exclusively applies to people under the age of 22. the period of time when everyone thinks they know everything but are probably in the most ignorant period of their lives since infancy.

if you can't speak your mind by the end of college, then it's nobody's fault but yours.

[Lunchbox]

I'm friends with girls I have no interest in.

youre a girl though, so you can do so

[tiff]

What utter nonsense.

[HiResDes]

I'd argue that always viewing people as fuckable things is not a good way to go about shit, yeah.

...Fuckable things?...How'd you make that jump?

[macuser1of5]

Spend a day in a man's body. Show of hands, gentlemen. Would you be willing to have sex with nearly any attractive female? I can't believe you'd even argue such a statement, Devolution.

not really, no. marriage kind of changes that tbh.

[luckyboyceo]

The friend zone absolutely exists, and it's not just a female thing.

Regardless, I think the author misses the point here. She complains a lot about the animosity towards a woman who friendzones a man and cites the actual friendzoning as being the driving force behind this anger. I'd argue that in most cases, when someone is friendzoned, it's not the actual act itself that is upsetting, it's the miscommunication leading up to it. People often feel like they've been led on and this is what makes them upset.

[Mumei]

...Fuckable things?...How'd you make that jump?

... That's not even a jump. It's more like a step. A tip-toe even.

[RyougaSaotome]

I'm so confused.

I've been told by women that I have a tendency to friend zone people because I misread a lot of situations.

I always thought it was more along the lines of "You're romantically attracted to someone but they're not looking for that in you, even though they still really dig you as a person and friend" sort of thing, thus leading to the guy/girl getting friendzoned.

Oh god I've been wrong all this time. orz

[DarkKyo]

I think she needs to relax. Not all guys use the term friend zone.

[Divvy]

not really, no. marriage kind of changes that tbh.

I think he kind of assumed that you wouldn't be currently with anyone.

[kisaya]

I...I have something to confess!

Spend a day in a man's body. Show of hands, gentlemen. Would you be willing to have sex with nearly any attractive female? I can't believe you'd even argue such a statement, Devolution.

Sorta sad tbh :/

[Staccat0]

Spend a day in a man's body. Show of hands, gentlemen. Would you be willing to have sex with nearly any attractive female? I can't believe you'd even argue such a statement, Devolution.

I'm not saying it isn't true for most, but definitely not me. Sex is pretty personal. I have a lot of male friends the same way. I don't find threesomes or strip clubs realistically appealing either despite their obvious fantasy-based appeal.

[Foxy Fox 39]

Spend a day in a man's body. Show of hands, gentlemen. Would you be willing to have sex with nearly any attractive female? I can't believe you'd even argue such a statement, Devolution.

gonna side with devo here.

[Master Milk]

I don't believe this. Never have. And I'm surprised so many men let people think that about their gender.

Are you implying it's possible to stop people from thinking stupid thoughts?

[JokerOfSpades]

youre a girl though, so you can do so

Whoa, I am?

No, I'm a guy, mate.

[sangreal]

I always shake my head when I read someone seriously write about how they got friend-zoned. It typically just wreaks of arrogance and entitlement in that somehow the guy was wronged because a girl didn't fall in love with him.

It's just a statement of fact. You were rejected but the girl still wants to be friends with you despite your feelings. It distinguishes from other forms of rejection and other forms of friendship

[Kabouter]

youre a girl though, so you can do so

What does this post even mean?

It comes from the fact that men are ready and willing to have sex with nearly any attractive female. It would be enough for a man to say 'yes' if a woman was nice to him, so it's just confusing for men that women don't operate in the same way. We would fuck you if you were nice to us... so we have to invent some sort of term for why it doesn't necessarily work in reverse.

I can personally guarantee you not all straight men are like that.

[WARCOCK]

I have no sympathy for douches that get friendzoned and start crying about it or start slandering said girl.

At the same time if a guy gets friendzoned and decides to cut the relation out because he wasn't really interested in developing a platonic relationship with her, i don't see anything wrong with that really. It's fair to say sometimes you meet people you just want to screw regardless on which side of the gender pond you are at.

[The Technomancer]

Spend a day in a man's body. Show of hands, gentlemen. Would you be willing to have sex with nearly any attractive female? I can't believe you'd even argue such a statement, Devolution.

Honestly, not me. I view sex as something important between two people who have an actual relationship with each other.

[BocoDragon]

I'd argue that always viewing people as fuckable things is not a good way to go about shit, yeah.

It sucks that we're biological creatures then, doesn't it?

I don't know why you think it's bad... or why you think it's a choice.

Walking around the world as a man, our brain is making automatic judgements about females and their bodies before we ever have any consious input. I imagine women are similar, but biologically, there is less of an emphasis on visuals?

But that's almost irrelivant to this topic. For what it's worth, I'm not one of those people who thinks men and women can't be friends, or co-workers or anything like that. But the sexual machinery of the mind is always working, make no mistake about that. You should probably learn it and accept it.

[HiResDes]

I'm not saying it isn't true for most, but definitely not me. Sex is pretty personal. I have a lot of male friends the same way. I don't find threesomes or strip clubs realistically appealing either despite their obvious fantasy-based appeal.

I'm not into that shit either...

I don't feel like he said anything crazy, he asked would I be wiling to have sex with any attractive female...I didn't say it dominated my thought process or that it was the end all be all, but yes if she's attractive to me than I would be willing to have sex with her...Attraction carrying both a physical and mental congruency.

[Devolution]

It sucks that we're biological creatures then, doesn't it? I don't know why you think it's bad... or why you think it's a choice. Walking around the world as a man, our brain is making automatic judgements about females and their bodies before we ever have any consious input. I imagine women are similar, but biologically, there is less of an emphasis on it. But that's almost irrelivant to this topic. For what it's worth, I'm not one of those people who thinks men and women can't be friends, or co-workers or anything like that. But the sexual machinery of the mind is always working, make no mistake about that. You should probably learn it and accept it.

Why don't you address the men who don't agree. What's wrong with them boco?

[Rentahamster]

I'm thinking that there are various definitions of "friendzone" and "friendzoning" that are being used here.

That these varying definitions are also being used sometimes pejoratively and sometimes benignly does not help to make the issue any clearer.

[Staccat0]

It's just a statement of fact. You were rejected but the girl still wants to be friends with you despite your feelings. It distinguishes from other forms of rejection and other forms of friendship

So it distinguishes from rejection by friends, strangers and by people who hate you?

[sangreal]

Spend a day in a man's body. Show of hands, gentlemen. Would you be willing to have sex with nearly any attractive female? I can't believe you'd even argue such a statement, Devolution.

Hell no, but it certainly doesn't count against a girl. There are a lot of other factors that play into my willingness to sleep with a girl, with drama being paramount.

[sangreal]

So it distinguishes from rejection by friends, strangers and by people who hate you?

I have no idea what this sentence means, but yes, there is a difference between being rejected outright and "let's just be friends." There is also a difference between being friendzoned and being friends with a girl.

Also, this is still using an extremely loose definition anyway. The term usually just refers to someone who doesn't realize their romantic interest is not being reciprocated (misreading signs).

[Log4Girlz]

I am willing to fantasize about any attractive woman, doesn't mean I'm willing to lay with them.

[Mumei]

I'm thinking that there are various definitions of "friendzone" and "friendzoning" that are being used here. That these varying definitions are also being used sometimes pejoratively and sometimes benignly does not help to make the issue any clearer.

Yes, I agree.

And Devo is right. As usual.

[JokerOfSpades]

I'd argue that always viewing people as fuckable things is not a good way to go about shit, yeah.

Mm, not the best way, but I know many guys who imagine themselves having sex with every hot girl they see.

Personally, I reflexively think "wow, she's pretty," but I rarely imagine myself having sex with a girl I see. Gotta like them for other reasons first.

[Staccat0]

I'm not into that shit either... I don't feel like he said anything crazy, he asked would I be wiling to have sex with any attractive female...I didn't say it dominated by thought process or that it was the end all be all, but yes if she's attractive to me than I would be willing to have sex with her.

I don't doubt it and that's totally okay. Probably in the majority (GAF is a bad sampling) but I'm just saying, when I see a pretty girl I don't immediately think, "I'd hit it"
Although I HAVE and I know guys who automatically do.
Just giving my show of hands.

[Lunchbox]

Whoa, I am? No, I'm a guy, mate.

alright, i thought i saw another thread where you said you were a girl. mustve been another person

[KO Traveling Hobo]

I'd argue that always viewing people as fuckable things is not a good way to go about shit, yeah.

What. Unless you think sex is some dirty, taboo thing(which I'm pretty sure you don't), then this statement makes no sense.

[bonesmccoy]

I've never been friendzoned, but I was once 'backup'd', which may be worse. While I never harboured any romantic affections for the girl, and I don't think she did toward me either, it was clear that I was the sole non-bf male friend in her social repertoire. BF was busy? Hi Bones, let's hang out. Things got really strange when I introduced her to my GF (now wife) and hostile vibes runneth from her cup overflowed.

My only piece of advice for dudes in the friendzone: Go Jerry Maguire. Lay it out, see if she reacts positively. Best case scenario, you date. Worst case, you stop being friends.

Boco, I agree with Kabouter on that. While I've definitely been attracted to a handful of the female friends I've had over the years, the vast majority of them I wasn't.

[Truth101]

What. Unless you think sex is some dirty, taboo thing(which I'm pretty sure you don't), then this statement makes no sense.

It makes complete sense. Even if you don't view sex as a dirty thing.

[kisaya]

What. Unless you think sex is some dirty, taboo thing(which I'm pretty sure you don't), then this statement makes no sense.

Sorta is when you view people that way o.O

[TAJ]

Why don't you address the men who don't agree. What's wrong with them boco?

Even the people who don't agree think that it applies to the majority.
It certainly applies to me, and to the vast majority of guys that I know well.
Also, it's a huge leap to go from "Would." to "fuckable object", especially the object part. Being attractive in no way makes someone less respectable. Neither does being receptive.

[RDreamer]

It sucks that we're biological creatures then, doesn't it? I don't know why you think it's bad... or why you think it's a choice. Walking around the world as a man, our brain is making automatic judgements about females and their bodies before we ever have any consious input. I imagine women are similar, but biologically, there is less of an emphasis on visuals? But that's almost irrelivant to this topic. For what it's worth, I'm not one of those people who thinks men and women can't be friends, or co-workers or anything like that. But the sexual machinery of the mind is always working, make no mistake about that. You should probably learn it and accept it.

That's a debatable narrative that's been pushed. Go read Sex at Dawn.

[IrrelevantNotch]

There are a few girls I sympathize with who are completely unable to read a persons intentions. Personally, I've known plenty of females who I could've friendzoned, but chose to acquaintance zone instead to keep their hopes low.

[InsaneZero]

Not being ironic. It's a fact.

If this was true then the korean dramas that my family watches would make less sense than it already does, and that's quite an accomplishment.

[Devolution]

Even the people who don't agree think that it applies to the majority. It certainly applies to me, and to the vast majority of guys that I know well.

Is that why I'm seeing more people in here saying it doesn't apply to them?

[Foxy Fox 39]

[The Technomancer]

Even the people who don't agree think that it applies to the majority. It certainly applies to me, and to the vast majority of guys that I know well.

Don't put words in my mouth please. You might get me to concede that there is a narrow range of age where that attitude is more prevalent then normal.

[Trancetronic]

gonna use my kindness coins to go play Time Crisis 2, then.

[ATF487]

I used to be on the side that believed the term was commonly used by both genders of any sexuality; however, as Foz cites the term has seemingly mutated into a pathetic misogynist slander that males use to describe failed sexual advances that lead to a compromised or undesired friendship. And while I agree that she does indeed have a point and that it seems sexist to devalue the friendship of person of either gender in anyway, I can't deny the bitterness that exists within the depths of my "heart" after all of my romantic failings. I must say I mostly blame myself, though my mind wants me to believe that in many cases I failed because I didn't live to some sort of masculine ideal or stereotypical datable male character-set, which if true would be equally as sexist in my opinion. Thoughts?

I read the blog; I agree with her points about how it's unfair for men to complain about women having a right to choose, but I think the main difference is the same difference that exists between men and women with regards to dating.

I don't think there's many men out there that would want a women to date you out of pity, or just because you weren't a prick to them, but it's like men looked at the grading rubric and did all the things that would theoretically get them an A, only for them to fail. Attraction isn't necessarily logical or fair though, so it leads to misplaced anger

edit: re: the hot girl question, my dick would get hard but when push comes to shove I could think with my brain. It does come after, though.

[Devolution]

Don't put words in my mouth please. You might get me to concede that there is a narrow range of age where that attitude is more prevalent then normal.

Would you say probably about 16 - 25 ?

[KO Traveling Hobo]

It makes complete sense. Even if you don't view sex as a dirty thing.

Sorta is when you view people that way o.O

Maybe I misunderstood, but I don't see why you would repress sexual attraction. Acting on that attraction is one thing, but simply acknowledging it? I don't see why that'd be a bad thing.

[SRG01]

Off topic: Finding a woman attractive and wanting to have sex with her are two totally different things. One is a judgment in aesthetics, the other is a judgment in desire.

(edit: Of course, these two properties can intersect)

On topic: Friendzones are a convenient construction to explain gender relations when, in reality, the workings between male and female cannot be described by such simple means.

[Rhythmic]

There is no such thing as friendzone. Only a "not attractive to me" zone.

[The Technomancer]

Would you say probably about 16 - 25 ?

Yeah, including the margins that seems about right.

[Cyan]

I think it's probably more accurate to say that there are different ways of using the term and that she's referring to a way of using it that she comes across often.

Yeah, thinking about it this is most likely.