[Tence]

I don't really get what the friendzone is. I always thought it went 'friendzone -> rejection' rather than 'rejection -> friendzone'. Like, a bloke makes friends with a specific woman but with an ulterior motive to woo her through 'nice guy' tactics.

Well the friendzone is a zone wherein someone is who actually wants to be more than friends. So it doesn't really matter whether it is a 'nice guy' who is friends with a girl who doesn't want to be romantically with him, or a guy who started to get feelings and got rejected.
Both are friends of the girl and are in that 'zone'.
First one is a sneaky and often unsuccesful way to get a girl, the second one can happen to anyone. However it is not good to stay in the friendzone. You accept the girls choice and let it go, or be a true friend (although that one might be to hard, in that case... let it go)

I saw some dude trying to chat one of my exes up on FB. She's been having beef with her boyfriend recently and this dude is her 'friend'. He posted a picture that said "If you can't trust the one you love, love the one you trust". I cringed myself inside out. That dude, right there, that is what I think of when I hear 'friendzone'.

Cringeworthy indeed. He is the ultimate 'nice guy'.

[LuffyZoro]

I don't like the use of "Nice Guy" to describe someone who pretends to be friends with women just for sex. I generally consider myself actually nice in the original sense of the word, but god help me if I say that online.

[LosDaddie]

She wants to make this about some sort of sexist male power structure. It's nothing like that. Perhaps "friendzone" is some unrealistic male projection on the opposite sex (emphasis on "perhaps".. I don't think it is)... but it wouldn't come from some sort of expectation of male privilege. It's not about controlling women or any feminist fantasy like that. It comes from the fact that men are ready and willing to have sex with nearly any attractive female. It would be enough for a man to say 'yes' if a woman was nice to him, so it's just confusing for men that women don't operate in the same way. We would fuck you if you were nice to us... so we have to invent some sort of term for why it doesn't necessarily work in reverse.

self-selection bias. there are loads of men who agree with boco who won't answer his impromptu poll for multiple reasons. He's not just making it up or projecting his feelings either. This is the male condition. Of course it's not all binary. It's more like a bell curve. Also everyone who's disagreeing with him is only doing so based on the act itself, not the willingness or urge.

Nailed it. :)

Oh, I know about this. I've already let you guys know how a female friend got me and some friends out of paying for something by seducing a guy. I know quite a few females who know their power... and use it.

Way of the world, really.

[tiff]

I think it goes like 'friendzone -> rejection -> awareness of being friendzoned.' Making friends with someone just to get in their pants is, as you said, being a Nice Guy. It almost always leads to getting friendzoned, but you can also get friendzoned without being a Nice Guy -- Nice Guys just tend to get really bitter about it.

Yeah, the whole idea of the friendzone is that it's where you don't want to be because you can't escape it.

[entrement]

Never been friendzoned. Go me.

[SuperEpicMan]

There could be a slant to everything if you think about it a certain way, saying friend zoning is a misogynistic thing is pretty over the top. Misogynistic implies someone has a complete hatred for women and see them as objects, 99% of people who have used the term friend zone are probably just nice people who wanted more than a friendship.

Something recent happened to me which is kind of friend zoning. I have been friends with this girl for years and never seen it as an opportunity for sex lol, but the last few months we have been kind of close and I release that I might love this girl, my other friends tell me that she likes me too but is not wanting a boyfriend because she is moving away in september. I left it there and respected her wishes, but we kept being drawn together when we were on nights out and she would invite me out more. Then she invites me out with her other mates and then starts talking about this random bloke iv never heard about and how she is going to his that night, so she invited me out for what seemed like an hour only for her to talk about whether or not she was going to fuck this guy she was meeting. I felt like i was just being strung along by her and this whole thing has kind of made me see a really shitty side of her.

I am sure there would be some one who could read this and find some bullshit misogynistic ideas in what I wrote, but to me it felt like the other way round, by the way the girl I'm talking about has described herself as being quite feminist.

[Glass Rebel]

There could be a slant to everything if you think about it a certain way, saying friend zoning is a misogynistic thing is pretty over the top. Misogynistic implies someone has a complete hatred for women and see them as objects, 99% of people who have used the term friend zone are probably just nice people who wanted more than a friendship. Something recent happened to me which is kind of friend zoning. I have been friends with this girl for years and never seen it as an opportunity for sex lol, but the last few months we have been kind of close and I release that I might love this girl, my other friends tell me that she likes me too but is not wanting a boyfriend because she is moving away in september. I left it there and respected her wishes, but we kept being drawn together when we were on nights out and she would invite me out more. Then she invites me out with her other mates and then starts talking about this random bloke iv never heard about and how she is going to his that night, so she invited me out for what seemed like an hour only for her to talk about whether or not she was going to fuck this guy she was meeting. I felt like i was just being strung along by her and this whole thing has kind of made me see a really shitty side of her. I am sure there would be some one who could read this and find some bullshit misogynistic ideas in what I wrote, but to me it felt like the other way round, by the way the girl I'm talking about has described herself as being quite feminist.

Aw shit :lol I'm sorry mate

[SuperEpicMan]

Reading some of the stuff feminist women write pisses me off, yeah i agree with some of the stuff they say, but the truth in the matter is women can be arse holes too and treat men like shit.

[pompidu]

There could be a slant to everything if you think about it a certain way, saying friend zoning is a misogynistic thing is pretty over the top. Misogynistic implies someone has a complete hatred for women and see them as objects, 99% of people who have used the term friend zone are probably just nice people who wanted more than a friendship. Something recent happened to me which is kind of friend zoning. I have been friends with this girl for years and never seen it as an opportunity for sex lol, but the last few months we have been kind of close and I release that I might love this girl, my other friends tell me that she likes me too but is not wanting a boyfriend because she is moving away in september. I left it there and respected her wishes, but we kept being drawn together when we were on nights out and she would invite me out more. Then she invites me out with her other mates and then starts talking about this random bloke iv never heard about and how she is going to his that night, so she invited me out for what seemed like an hour only for her to talk about whether or not she was going to fuck this guy she was meeting. I felt like i was just being strung along by her and this whole thing has kind of made me see a really shitty side of her. I am sure there would be some one who could read this and find some bullshit misogynistic ideas in what I wrote, but to me it felt like the other way round, by the way the girl I'm talking about has described herself as being quite feminist.

Damn. Sucks but stop talking to her. You are not her bestfriend don't be treated as such.

[rkn]

Reading some of the stuff feminist women write pisses me off, yeah i agree with some of the stuff they say, but the truth in the matter is women can be arse holes too and treat men like shit.

This is pretty much all there is too it, the world is full of a-holes, chicks, dudes. Hell, my female cat friendzoned the new male cat already.

[scosher]

I don't see friendzoning as a sexist construct to "penalize women for not having romantic feelings for a guy."

Maybe over time it's turned into this excuse for rejection, ("yeah bro, she friendzoned me") but the idea really had roots in advising other guys how to attract the opposite sex. If a guy gets friendzoned, it's more or less his fault, and not an indictment on the woman for not being romantically attracted.

Either the guy didn't let his interest known, or his Mr. Nice Guy persona exuded such insecurity and lack of confidence that it turned off any possible attraction from the getgo.

This blogwriter seems to be saying, "we're not friendzoning you, we just aren't romantically attracted to you." Bullshit. You are friendzoning him. But the reason you're friendzoning him is because he's not making himself attractive to you.

Also, guys friendzone girls all the time as well. But I think it works differently with us. If there's no physical attraction (she ugly or fat), or if we believe we have no chance to bed her (ie. she shows no interest, she's married or in another relationship), I think we unconsciously put her in the friend category. But if an attractive female friend of mine did an about face and suddenly came onto me, I'd be hardpressed to say, "no, I only see you as a friend!" Unless there'd be too much drama otherwise (ie. she's married).

[shadowsdarknes]

Why would you doubt it? No expectations, no contraception of any kind necessary, and you're guaranteed to get off.

Because women love to share how great their orgasm was with their vibrator. Wow Devo.

[shadowsdarknes]

People need to stop buying drinks for girls. Why would you pay for a conversation? What kind of precedent does that set for any possible relationship? And even if you're just trying to get laid, you're going to pay for sex? I truly never ever got this concept.

You need to learn the game. Freshman year at Uni I thought buying drinks was what girls expected. Then I kept getting down of myself for spending money on rejection. It didn't make any sense to me until I learned the ropes in the beginning of Sophmore year. It's not the drinks that win a girl over, it's the amount of fun your having. The more fun you have, or at least the appearance of having fun attracts girls. Then after establishing yourself as the fun guy to be with is it acceptable to buy a girl drinks because it only helps your chances at getting laid.

[Mammoth Jones]

All that crap about being interesting and constantly bettering yourself is a load of crap.

Agreed completely.


You should better yourself FOR yourself. No one else. I don't go to the gym because I'm trying to pull a shorty. I go because I want to better myself. Nothing more.

[jorma]

Reading some of the stuff feminist women write pisses me off, yeah i agree with some of the stuff they say, but the truth in the matter is women can be arse holes too and treat men like shit.

It's because they've never seen what can happen when a man rejects a woman. It aint always pretty. Especially if the rejected woman is a drunk woman =)

[Timedog]

You need to learn the game. Freshman year at Uni I thought buying drinks was what girls expected. Then I kept getting down of myself for spending money on rejection. It didn't make any sense to me until I learned the ropes in the beginning of Sophmore year. It's not the drinks that win a girl over, it's the amount of fun your having. The more fun you have, or at least the appearance of having fun attracts girls. Then after establishing yourself as the fun guy to be with is it acceptable to buy a girl drinks because it only helps your chances at getting laid.

Please stop. Thank you.

[shadowsdarknes]

Please stop. Thank you.

College is a sickening reality.

[pompidu]

You need to learn the game. Freshman year at Uni I thought buying drinks was what girls expected. Then I kept getting down of myself for spending money on rejection. It didn't make any sense to me until I learned the ropes in the beginning of Sophmore year. It's not the drinks that win a girl over, it's the amount of fun your having. The more fun you have, or at least the appearance of having fun attracts girls. Then after establishing yourself as the fun guy to be with is it acceptable to buy a girl drinks because it only helps your chances at getting laid.

The only drinks you buy are yourself, friends or a gf. Buying drinks for randos will not get you laid. Your doing it wrong.

[Orayn]

I think it's laughable that people believe there's any one "game" to be figured out.

[Timedog]

I think it's laughable that people believe there's any one "game" to be figured out.

^^^

[shadowsdarknes]

I think it's laughable that people believe there's any one "game" to be figured out.

Which ever game works for you is the best game.

And buying drinks does help your chances after the girl already wants you. But this is getting off topic.

Another poster mentioned it before and I agree with him/her. Guys make a way bigger deal about getting friendzoned considering we probably friendzone a lot of girls without realizing it. Shieeet, I do it all the time but at least girls quickly realize I'm generally not boyfriend material and get over it. I still maintain friendships with those girls. In fact I'm their go to guy for guy advice.

[cutmeamango]

I think it's laughable that people believe there's any one "game" to be figured out.

Yeah. People don't see it is a dance!
You don't learn to play the game, you learn to dance the dance.

TCHA TCHA. Sidestep.

[Fenderputty]

I never really thought "friend zoning" was a negative about the woman. I always thought "freind zoning" was a natrual occurance caused by a man's lack of control over his emotions/desires/insecurities.

I'm not really understanding all the angst in quote in the OP.

[Timedog]

College is a sickening reality.

I don't even know what you're talking about, but you should probably actually read and then address my post if you're going to quote it and act as if you're responding to me. Just a tip for next time.

[polyh3dron]

Feminist screams OMG SEXISMS while distorting the idea of "friendzoning" to make it look sinister.

meh.

[shadowsdarknes]

I don't even know what you're talking about, but you should probably actually read and then address my post if you're going to quote it and act as if you're responding to me. Just a tip for next time.

My post did address one of your points. People buy drinks to get laid, I said I did it as a freshman in Uni. Then I went on to say that bars and clubs are all about the game which I learned as a sophomore. It's true for single people. Which you said "please stop." Your the one who took offense, maybe you need to relax.

Edit: Ok I didn't fully address your last question. But your thinking too much into it. And to equate buying drinks for a girl at a bar to buying a prostitute (you didn't say it but you know it's what you meant) is ludicrous. It's insulting to all single people looking to have fun and meet people. So what does it make a woman who buys me a drink because it happens? It's just an icebreaker for some people.

[AnathemicOne]

I don't even know what you're talking about, but you should probably actually read and then address my post if you're going to quote it and act as if you're responding to me. Just a tip for next time.

The post you quoted was him sharing his experience in college life

[Timedog]

My post did address one of your points.

Oh, you read part of my post before responding to me. Gosh, I guess something is better than nothing! It's probably too much to ask for someone to read an entire paragraph and reply in context, instead of just using some fraction of an idea as a springboard to bragpost about some "learn how to play the game" stuff that they read on the internet that sounded cool.

I'm done replying to you. Thread back on rails.

[RELAYER]

You need to learn the game. Freshman year at Uni I thought buying drinks was what girls expected. Then I kept getting down of myself for spending money on rejection. It didn't make any sense to me until I learned the ropes in the beginning of Sophmore year. It's not the drinks that win a girl over, it's the amount of fun your having. The more fun you have, or at least the appearance of having fun attracts girls. Then after establishing yourself as the fun guy to be with is it acceptable to buy a girl drinks because it only helps your chances at getting laid.

I'm not much of a playa but in my experience, using money to try and impress girls is one of the most douchiest and off-putting things you can do.

[ronito]

I really find this whole "You're being kind just to get into her pants!" is a bit disengenuous. Most "friendzoners" are nice because that's how they treat someone they love.
It's disdainful and dismissive. Not entirely surprising of people who like to make fun of friendzoning.

That'd be like my wife being like "You only do housework because you think I'll put out!" not because I love her or want to help.

It's ironic in that feminists are always like "We're not sex objects!" but then make everything men do about treating them like sex objects.

[CrudeDiatribe]

I really find this whole "You're being kind just to get into her pants!" is a bit disengenuous. Most "friendzoners" are nice because that's how they treat someone they love.

But some guys are merely being nice because they feel it will lead to lovin'. They deserve scorn. As another poster has put it, if you're just being nice to be a friend, you're not friendzoned, you're a friend.

[Kinitari]

I think friendzone has been easily used in many different relationships - man to woman, woman to man, woman to woman, man to man - and everything inbetween. That alone should tell you that nothing about it is inherently sexuality oriented - I think the issue is that the frequency of it occurring just varies from one sexual situation to the next.

I really don't agree with the blogist on this, and it might just be her personally being exposed to a particular element (those embittered by the situation and often times being straight male) or selection bias. I think I've read multiple stories of girls on GAF talking about being friendzoned, and girls in real life I know as well.

Really I think the core of the term is used when one person is considered a friend, and the other is desired as a sexual/romantic partner. The nuance can vary - maybe one person is being a friend ONLY because he/she thinks that's how to successfully get into someone's pants. Maybe the person thinks it's important to be friends with someone first before getting serious, maybe it's some cruel person who takes advantage of the fact that they are idolized. Who knows the intricacies - as long as it's a friend/wanting more than friendship situation, it's probably something colloquially referred to as the 'friendzone'.

It's ironic in that feminists are always like "We're not sex objects!" but then make everything men do about treating them like sex objects.

I don't want to turn this into a 'gang up on feminists' thread, or rather... I don't want to contribute to it's obvious traversing down that path - but I want to elaborate on that. I think it's weird that some feminist on the one hand feel as though women being sexually liberated and open to the idea of 'shallow' sex is something that is positive or empowering, but at the same time also feel that men who uphold the stereotype of wanting shallow sex is something that is abhorrent.

[subversus]

A storm in a teacup.

friendzoned = rejected for NOW. It's your decision if you want to wait/keep trying/just stay around. Why people act like it's a big deal? I don't get it.

[ronito]

But some guys are merely being nice because they feel it will lead to lovin'. They deserve scorn. As another poster has put it, if you're just being nice to be a friend, you're not friendzoned, you're a friend.

Again, how you do you treat people you love? Like crap? This goes beyond the friendzone. On the BART the other day I overheard two women talking and one of them was talking about how her husband had bought her a day at the spa and her friend was like "He just wants sex."

It almost seems like if you don't want to be accused of doing something to get sex you just have to treat women like crap.

[666]

I thought friend zoneing is belittling the man who gets friend zoned? Because he's not 'man' enough to impress a girl? Isn't that sexist towards males?

[Stet]

A storm in a teacup. friendzoned = rejected for NOW. It's your decision if you want to wait/keep trying/just stay around. Why people act like it's a big deal? I don't get it.

People like to blame their shortcomings on the people who notice them.

[subversus]

Again, how you do you treat people you love? Like crap? This goes beyond the friendzone. On the BART the other day I overheard two women talking and one of them was talking about how her husband had bought her a day at the spa and her friend was like "He just wants sex."

lol, so it's like... prostitution?

[ronito]

lol, so it's like... prostitution?

I said she was married. It's not prostitution if you don't put out.

[Locke_211]

Isn't the "friendzone" only a problem if you don't agree that a woman has the right to refuse sex at any time, for whatever reason? And that nothing a man can do automatically entitle them to access to a woman's body?

What's the problem if you ask a woman out and they say no, but want to keep you as a friend. Isn't it then YOUR responsibility to stop hanging around with them, if you're not happy with that situation. Not getting what you want from a woman and then moaning about it, rather than moving on, makes the man sound like a child.

[Count Dookkake]

Some thoughts:

1) Friendzoning is not something a woman does; it is something a man perceives her as doing. What she is really doing is not falling for passive-aggressive non-attempts at seducing her. The ultimate twist is that friendzoning is something a man does to himself.

2) The behavior of the friendzoned is to suppress desire and adopt a non-threatening pose as a friend. This is a lie.

3) It is okay to be friends with a woman who has rejected you. It is also okay to not be friends with her after she has rejected you. It is not okay to pretend to be her friend just in hopes that one day she will lower her standards enough to accommodate your penis.

4) You will never be friendzoned if you don't act like a bitch.

5) A woman is under no obligation to tell you that you have no chance if you don't have the balls to make a move.

6) Article in OP makes complete sense.

[Sadsic]

men are just jealous of the sexual power women hold

friendzoning is an exertion of power, men generally dont get to do that, it creates envy

[subversus]

People like to blame their shortcomings on the people who notice them.

I don't even see how it can be a shortcoming if somebody doesn't want somebody.

I said she was married. It's not prostitution if you don't put out.

yeah, but this woman suggested that the husband pays money to make a woman (his wife in this case) have sex with him. If it's not prostitution, I don't know what it is. But it's funny that some women think this way!

[ZombieSupaStar]

it seems to get easier as you get older.

maybe people start giving less of a fuck when they're 25+?

[subversus]

it seems to get easier as you get older. maybe people start giving less of a fuck when they're 25+?

I think so.

men are just jealous of the sexual power women hold friendzoning is an exertion of power, men generally dont get to do that, it creates envy

except almost every man has friendzoned a couple of chicks in his life.

[Count Dookkake]

it seems to get easier as you get older. maybe people start giving less of a fuck when they're 25+?

I'd replace "older" with "more sexually experienced."

[Azzurri]

You know, women can get friendzoned too...

I've friend zoned women,works both ways.

[ZombieSupaStar]

I'd replace "older" with "more sexually experienced."

On average maybe, but I knew a few in my younger years that would throw that hypothesis out of whack.

[Emerson]

I've got several female "friends" (acquaintances) who try to take advantage of their male friends, using them as essentially boyfriends who don't get to have sex with them. Basically they expect the guy to buy them meals, hold open every door for them, go significantly out of their way to do nice things on a regular basis, etc. For the average guy, stuff like this goes way beyond the scope of normal "nice" friendship and there should be no question involved that he has romantic intent. I think girls like this are either cunts deep-down or are genuinely unaware of their own unreasonable expectations for friendship. I think "friendzoned" would be an apt description of this, but then again it's your own fault to fall for it. I used to in high school and such but certainly never would today.

[polyh3dron]

I've got several female "friends" (acquaintances) who try to take advantage of their male friends, using them as essentially boyfriends who don't get to have sex with them. Basically they expect the guy to buy them meals, hold open every door for them, go significantly out of their way to do nice things on a regular basis, etc. For the average guy, stuff like this goes way beyond the scope of normal "nice" friendship and there should be no question involved that he has romantic intent. I think girls like this are either cunts deep-down or are genuinely unaware of their own unreasonable expectations for friendship. I think "friendzoned" would be an apt description of this, but then again it's your own fault to fall for it. I used to in high school and such but certainly never would today.

stop making sense

[Emerson]

stop making sense

I know, it's so much more fun to pretend everything is about male chauvinism or whatever other horseshit term, but sometimes you have to admit the truth that there are people who are just assholes and like to take advantage of well-meaning but passive people who have an attraction to them.