[KimiNewt]

I do feel there is interesting discussion here, actually. Specifically, we should consider that it is perfectly acceptable to compliment women on many other features. For example, I can and have complimented women on their hair, eyes, smile, and outfit with absolutely no prompting whatsoever, even if I am simply passing them by, and I've gotten unamimously positive responses. But I'm sure I wouldn't get such a positive response if I complimented her breasts. Or her buttocks. So is it just that these bodyparts are considered overtly sexual? Perhaps, but I also think I'd get odd responses if I complimented a woman on her elbows, or feet, or shoulders. What parameters decide how socially appropriate the compliment is? It isn't as simple as sexuality or cultural customs, I feel.

May have to do that things like hair, smile or outfit (and to some extent eyes, by make-up) one can actually influence, and with breasts you can't really do that.

[GamerSoul]

What if we complimented them on their figure? I wouldn't pin point of their breast, imo, no matter how nice.

[Opiate]

May have to do that things like hair, smile or outfit (and to some extent eyes, by make-up) one can actually influence, and with breasts you can't really do that.

I think that's a possible component, but it wouldn't explain something like elbows, which I am quite confident would radiate a "creepy" vibe if complimented on.

I think another component is that some of the "do not compliment" features are things which are not commonly looked at, like elbows. If someone complimented my elbows, I would think they either have a very bizarre fetish, or have been looking at me for such an extended period of time that they've taken time to notice my elbows as well, or some combination of the two. Both explanations are unsettling.

And of course, the sexuality of the feature is important too, but some things which can absolutely be very sexual to some people, such as a smile/lips, can be complimented.

Interestingly, I just noticed that I would be perfectly fine complimenting a woman's smile, but if I said she had a nice mouth, that would be very creepy and unacceptable. While some of these taboos have obvious, rational explanations -- as Stet said, complimenting a woman's breasts comes across as an overtly sexual advance -- others do not and just seem customary.

[frequency]

I think a large part of it is (perceived) intent. Why are you complimenting at all? What motive could you possibly have to comment on any part of me? Especially when you're a stranger.

And then it gets offensive because you can't help but think the person is just thinking sexual thoughts. I guess some people are okay with it if you're in a flirty environment, but it's not okay when you're just standing at a station.

It feels like that person is making assumptions about you. If someone approaches you and compliments you on stuff like that, they must think you're okay with it. So that tells me that they think I'm the type of person who flaunts my sexuality and wants to attract a certain group of people. But no. I'm just standing around waiting for a train or something. And it offends me that you would think that I'm the kind of person who wants random men to take notice.

[leadbelly]

I've thought about something actually. You know those dresses that some women wear that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination? Their tits are practically popping out at every instance.

Those dresses are just shouting, "Look at my tits! look at how beautiful they are!". Your eyes of course are naturally going to gravitate to that area. It's kind of like me walking around with cock out. Who isn't going to look? lol

The point being, a woman wears that kind of dress to at least spark some kind of reaction, even if it isn't a directly spoken reaction.

If a woman makes such effort to bring attention to her breasts, is it necessarily a bad thing to comment on them?

[Opiate]

I think a large part of it is (perceived) intent. Why are you complimenting at all? What motive could you possibly have to comment on any part of me? Especially when you're a stranger. And then it gets offensive because you can't help but think the person is just thinking sexual thoughts. I guess some people are okay with it if you're in a flirty environment, but it's not okay when you're just standing at a station. It feels like that person is making assumptions about you. If someone approaches you and compliments you on stuff like that, they must think you're okay with it. So that tells me that they think I'm the type of person who flaunts my sexuality and wants to attract a certain group of people. But no. I'm just standing around waiting for a train or something. And it offends me that you would think that I'm the kind of person who wants random men to take notice.

This is clearly correct on further introspection. Thank you. Here is my very brief list of percieved intent across several different compliments:

You have nice breasts: I would like to have sex with you.
You have a nice butt: I would also like to have sex with you.
You have nice eyes: I think you are pretty, but do not intend to make a sexual advance.
You have a nice smile: you seem like a happy, beautiful girl, but I also don't intend to make a sexual advance.
You have nice hair/clothes: You have a good sense of style.
You have nice elbows: I either have a very bizarre fetish or I've been staring at you for long enough to notice something mundane like your elbows.

Obviously these are not always correct assumptions, just that this is how most of those compliments are percieved.

[Devolution]

Because it is obvious sexualization and generally people don't like being treated a mere sex objects?

Bingo. I don't even know what more needs to be said. You're basically telling a stranger how fuckable they are, it's rude.

I've thought about something actually. You know those dresses that some women wear that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination? Their tits are practically popping out at every instance. Those dresses are just shouting, "Look at my tits! look at how beautiful they are!". Your eyes of course are naturally going to gravitate to that area. It's kind of like me walking around with cock out. Who isn't going to look? lol The point being, a woman wears that kind of dress to at least spark some kind of reaction, even if it isn't a directly spoken reaction. If a woman makes such effort to bring attention to her breasts, is it necessarily a bad thing to comment on them?

Why are you assuming she wants to look good specifically for you?

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Sadly it would come across as perverted to say that. Same with a well shaped posterior. A woman might say differently, but I think they know what they're doing when they wear cleavage revealing tops, sweaters that accentuate their chest area, or a tight dress that shows off their figure. There are a couple of women at work, much older than I am, by at least 12 years, that someways wear these tops where their chest (no cleavage, mind you) is sticking out like. I'm friendly with both of them, we've talked about non-work related stuff on multiple occasions. But as someone who wants to keep my job and doesn't want to be know as the creeper from the IT department, eye contact is critical. And I don't even know how to bring up that observation at work. Where could a conversation possibly go that that would ever escape your lips?

[Kitsunebaby]

You guys do realize that women have been fighting against objectification as mere sex objects put on earth to be pleasure machines for men, right? I mean, that's your answer, it's not complicated.

Pretty much.

I love my boobs. They're pretty awesome. But if, upon meeting me, that's what you decide to comment upon it seems obvious that you've pretty much reduced me to nothing more than a pair of tits in your mind. Which is offensive.

Plus, the creepyness is a huge factor. It comes across as an overt sexual come-on. Coming from someone I barely know it's actually a little bit threatening.

[SeanR1221]

Why are you assuming she wants to look good specifically for you?

Because duh if a woman shows skin she wants me!

[Omegasquash]

And it offends me that you would think that I'm the kind of person who wants random men to take notice.

Not trying to be a dick, here, I just don't understand and hope you can clarify. Why would anyone partially expose something were the intent not at all having to do with getting noticed? If you're showing skin, then I think it's safe to assume that someone will notice it and have some sort of reaction (preferably one that isn't vocalized, or inappropriate to think about).

The way I see it, it's not about you wanting random people to take notice, but I can't shake this feeling that it's being put out there purposefully, given an already known fact that (forgive me here) "men like boobs."

Again, I emphasize that it's not something that's cool to point out aside from situations understood to be OK by both parties, but...I just don't know. Call me ignorant.

[Devolution]

Sadly it would come across as perverted to say that. Same with a well shaped posterior. A woman might say differently, but I think they know what they're doing when they wear cleavage revealing tops, sweaters that accentuate their chest area, or a tight dress that shows off their figure. There are a couple of women at work, much older than I am, by at least 12 years, that someways wear these tops where their chest (no cleavage, mind you) is sticking out like. I'm friendly with both of them, we've talked about non-work related stuff on multiple occasions. But as someone who wants to keep my job and doesn't want to be know as the creeper from the IT department, eye contact is critical. And I don't even know how to bring up that observation at work. Where could a conversation possibly go that that would ever escape your lips?

Again why is it assumed that they're dressing this way for your attention. Also some women get mad boob rash and love open shirts so their mammaries can breathe. Not everything we do is to titillate men. Shocking I know.

[Always-honest]

Why do women bite their lip anyway?

They don't naturally. It's what they see in teenage movies and they do it cause they think it's sexy.
And in many cases it works. Just know that the girl will be acting almost her entire life.

[leadbelly]

Why are you assuming she wants to look good specifically for you?

What do I have to do with it exactly? It is more presenting herself publicly. In that sense I would make the assumption she wants to be seen publicly.

I'm simply asking the question if she wears a dress that is specifically accentuating her breasts, is it necessarily a bad thing to acknowledge them?

[Devolution]

Not trying to be a dick, here, I just don't understand and hope you can clarify. Why would anyone partially expose something were the intent not at all having to do with getting noticed? If you're showing skin, then I think it's safe to assume that someone will notice it and have some sort of reaction (preferably one that isn't vocalized, or inappropriate to think about). The way I see it, it's not about you wanting random people to take notice, but I can't shake this feeling that it's being put out there purposefully, given an already known fact that (forgive me here) "men like boobs." Again, I emphasize that it's not something that's cool to point out aside from situations understood to be OK by both parties, but...I just don't know. Call me ignorant.

I'm wearing shorts right now because it's hot. Such an attention whore.

What do I have to do with it exactly? It is more presenting herself publicly. In that sense I would make the assumption she wants to be seen publicly. I'm simply asking the question if she wears a dress that is specifically accentuating her breasts, is it necessarily a bad thing to acknowledge them?

Everything. It's being assumed up and down in this thread that you guys are the target why can't you comment. Here's a thought: what if it has nothing to do with you.

[Omegasquash]

I'm wearing shorts right now because it's hot. Such an attention whore.

Don't get smart. The implication was not about attention whoring, it was about understanding that people will see you whatever is being exposed, and the fact that breasts probably carry a more sexual weight than a pair of legs doesn't need to be brought up.

[leadbelly]

Everything. It's being assumed up and down in this thread that you guys are the target why can't you comment. Here's a thought: what if it has nothing to do with you.

Again I never said it has anything to do with me. I said it has everything to do with how she wants to be seen. If it did not why do it? To make her feel good about herself? How? It means nothing if she was the only person in the room. What benefit does she get from it?

It is also completely hypothetical. It has nothing to do with whether I would or wouldn't comment on her breasts. I am simply playing devils advocate so to speak.

[Hot Coldman]

Sometimes you've gotta let them breathe, duders. :lol

[The Technomancer]

Again I never said it has anything to do with me. I said it has everything to do with how she wants to be seen. If it did not why do it? To make her feel good about herself? How? It means nothing if she was the only person in the room. What benefit does she get from it?

Are you completely missing Devolution's point about comfort?

[frequency]

Not trying to be a dick, here, I just don't understand and hope you can clarify. Why would anyone partially expose something were the intent not at all having to do with getting noticed? If you're showing skin, then I think it's safe to assume that someone will notice it and have some sort of reaction (preferably one that isn't vocalized, or inappropriate to think about). The way I see it, it's not about you wanting random people to take notice, but I can't shake this feeling that it's being put out there purposefully, given an already known fact that (forgive me here) "men like boobs." Again, I emphasize that it's not something that's cool to point out aside from situations understood to be OK by both parties, but...I just don't know. Call me ignorant.

Because that particular shirt is really comfortable or I just think it's really nice.

Does everything you wear have some ulterior motive? I wear what I wear just because I like it.
It's very depressing if I have to stop wearing what I want and stop being comfortable because I need to hide myself otherwise I'm being perceived as wanting attention.

I guess my point is that I'm wearing this for me. Not for you. If I can't dress for myself anymore and have to be conscious of hiding any skin, then society has regressed.

[leadbelly]

Are you completely missing Devolution's point about comfort?

Are you seriously suggesting that a woman goes out in one of those dresses purely for comfort?

Well, possibly, they do, but come on mate. Is this even a worthy argument?

[SeanR1221]

Lol these threads probably make Devolution pull her hair out.

[East Lake]

What do I have to do with it exactly? It is more presenting herself publicly. In that sense I would make the assumption she wants to be seen publicly. I'm simply asking the question if she wears a dress that is specifically accentuating her breasts, is it necessarily a bad thing to acknowledge them?

People do a lot of things to make themselves attractive, none of which are designed as some sort of sexual communication to everyone in public space. Kraftwerk for example was lucky enough to find a girl that was legitimately flattered or polite enough not to tell him to fuck off.

[Opiate]

Because that particular shirt is really comfortable or I just think it's really nice. Does everything you wear have some ulterior motive? I wear what I wear just because I like it. It's very depressing if I have to stop wearing what I want and stop being comfortable because I need to hide myself otherwise I'm being perceived as wanting attention. I guess my point is that I'm wearing this for me. Not for you. If I can't dress for myself anymore and have to be conscious of hiding any skin, then society has regressed.

I think it's important to point out that the same could be said of complimenting your breasts.

You assume that a compliment for your breasts is an overt sexual advance, when it doesn't necessarily have to be so. It is, as you said, the "percieved intent." Similary, a man might assume that the low cut shirt you're wearing is intended to draw attention. That is the percieved intent.

However, I think the former assumption is much safer than the latter -- so ultimately I agree with you. I just wanted to make note that this concept goes both ways.

[SeanR1221]

I really can't see a comment about breasts being anything but sexual.

[catfish]

breasts are commonly the focus of sexual desire and arousal for heterosexual males in our society and so it seems lecherous to specifically compliment them on it.

Winner.

The time for tits talk is after she shows them to you, not before.

[Devolution]

I think it's important to point out that the same could be said of complimenting your breasts. You assume that a compliment for your breasts is an overt sexual advance, when it doesn't necessarily have to be so. It is, as you said, the "percieved intent." Similary, a man might assume that the low cut shirt your wearing is intended to draw attention. However, I think the former assumption is much safer than the latter -- so ultimately I agree with you. I just wanted to make note that this concept goes both ways.

I've never, ever heard "nice tits" or "nice ass" in a way that didn't imply sexual objectification of my or another woman's person.

[MutFox]

I'm all for girls feeling comfortable.
If it gets to the point where a Bikini is max comfort, I'm all for that.

[Opiate]

I've never, ever heard "nice tits" or "nice ass" in a way that didn't imply sexual objectification of my or another woman's person.

I have (although obviously not expressed in precisely those words). I agree, it's not typical, but it's seems entirely possible that you're assuming you know the intent of every man when you did not, just as men in here are assuming every tight shirt is intended to draw their attention.

[leadbelly]

People do a lot of things to make themselves attractive, none of which are designed as some sort of sexual communication to everyone in public space. Kraftwerk for example was lucky enough to find a girl that was legitimately flattered or polite enough not to tell him to fuck off.

Well, that is something else entirely. I never said she is sexually communicating with anyone, I was merely saying she is accentuating her breasts by wearing it. I would assume she is wearing that dress because she wants to accentuate her breasts, or is comfortable with accentuating her breasts. If she wasn't she wouldn't wear it.

This is not a deep argument I was making btw.. I was just throwing it out there because it came to mind.

[Guerrillas in the Mist]

I think the main thing is that women do tend to want to show off "what they've got", which explains cleavage. In many ways men are the same. On the other hand, they want blokes staring and drooling over their assets. Seems pretty logical when you think about it.

[SeanR1221]

I have (although obviously not expressed in precisely those words). I agree, it's not typical.

Explain.

Or actually I'll put it this way.

Would you turn down sexual advances from any woman you'd be willing to make breast compliments to?

[frequency]

I think it's important to point out that the same could be said of complimenting your breasts. You assume that a compliment for your breasts is an overt sexual advance, when it doesn't necessarily have to be so. It is, as you said, the "percieved intent." Similary, a man might assume that the low cut shirt you're wearing is intended to draw attention. That is the percieved intent. However, I think the former assumption is much safer than the latter -- so ultimately I agree with you. I just wanted to make note that this concept goes both ways.

Hmmm, yes. I can see that.

But it's crossing the line when someone approaches you and acts upon their assumptions.

[Opiate]

Explain. Or actually I'll put it this way. Would you turn down sexual advances from any woman you'd be willing to make breast compliments to?

Absolutely, yes (although I can't personally recall ever having complimented a woman's breasts) I'm saying I know other men who have done this and clearly were not intending to make a sexual advance, just like "you have a nice smile" isn't intended to be a sexual advance, either. I am not saying this is common.

Hmmm, yes. I can see that. But it's crossing the line when someone approaches you and acts upon their assumptions.

Very much agreed. And I'd add again that some assumptions are safer than others -- it's much safer to assume a man complimenting a vital sexual organ is hitting on you than it is to assume that a woman wearing a tight shirt is flirting with you.

[RawPower]

"Gosh, please don't take this the wrong way, but your vagina smells terrific."

I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth.

[GamerSoul]

Because that particular shirt is really comfortable or I just think it's really nice. Does everything you wear have some ulterior motive? I wear what I wear just because I like it. It's very depressing if I have to stop wearing what I want and stop being comfortable because I need to hide myself otherwise I'm being perceived as wanting attention. I guess my point is that I'm wearing this for me. Not for you. If I can't dress for myself anymore and have to be conscious of hiding any skin, then society has regressed.

makes a lot sense.

I think our attraction to the opposite sex does cloud our judgement and makes are motives seem unclear sometimes but what about those times where even women judge each other on what they're wearing? Are they just as guilty for assuming?

[krameriffic]

I really can't see a comment about breasts being anything but sexual.

Maybe it's just me being cynical, but I see basically all interest conveyed by a man in a woman as being sexual.

[Devolution]

makes a lot sense. I think our attraction to the opposite sex does cloud our judgement and makes are motives seem unclear sometimes but what about those times where even women judge each other on what they're wearing? Are they just as guilty for assuming?

Judging in what way? Assuming the women want attention? They're just as guilty of course. Who the fuck are they to decide why I'm wearing X.

[SeanR1221]

Absolutely, yes (although I can't personally recall ever having complimented a woman's breasts) I'm saying I know other men who have done this and clearly were not intending to make a sexual advance, just like "you have a nice smile" isn't intended to be a sexual advance, either.

So basically "your tits are incredible but no I would not touch you in any sexual way possible goodbye."

I...see....

Nice smile is totally different. You can always see a full smile. You pretty much only see full breasts in sexual scenarios.

[East Lake]

Well, that is something else entirely. I never said she is sexually communicating with anyone, I was merely saying she is accentuating her breasts by wearing it. I would assume she is wearing that dress because she wants to accentuate her breasts, or is comfortable with accentuating her breasts. If she wasn't she wouldn't wear it. This is not a deep argument I was making btw.. I was just throwing it out there because it came to mind.

That's fine, I'm mainly just talking about the public stuff. People seem to misunderstand that looking attractive is looking attractive for everyone, because it's not. If a woman decides to accentuate her breasts it might be to get attention, but not necessarily from the creepy compliment guy.

[CrazyDogg77]

Because you can't really compliment something like breasts in a non sexual manner.

[jimi_dini]

This is clearly correct on further introspection. Thank you. Here is my very brief list of percieved intent across several different compliments: You have nice breasts: I would like to have sex with you. You have a nice butt: I would also like to have sex with you. You have nice eyes: I would like to have sex with you. You have a nice smile: I would like to have sex with you. You have nice hair/clothes: I would like to have sex with you. You have nice elbows: I would like to have sex with you.

fixed

[Devolution]

So basically "your tits are incredible but no I would not touch you in any sexual way possible goodbye." I...see.... Nice smile is totally different. You can always see a full smile. You pretty much only see full breasts in sexual scenarios.

I'd like to add that opiate's post doesn't do anything to negate the idea that they're objectifying a woman still based on certain parts. Fly by comments are still rude.

[leadbelly]

Out of interest, I just remembered an interview that is very on topic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbTm6hdLm2M

[MutFox]

If a lady is showing off her assets,
a "you look really good" should be enough I think.

[leadbelly]

That's fine, I'm mainly just talking about the public stuff. People seem to misunderstand that looking attractive is looking attractive for everyone, because it's not. If a woman decides to accentuate her breasts it might be to get attention, but not necessarily from the creepy compliment guy.

Yeah okay. Don't think of what I am saying as simply to get attention (sexually). I never actually used that word in that context. I was just thinking if a woman is wearing a dress where her breasts are, lets face it, the main focal point, then if you comment on them (perhaps wording it in an inoffensive way) is it necessarily a bad thing?

[out0v0rder]

It depends on the woman. My mom is totally fine with the compliments. My psych teacher isn't.

[Hot Coldman]

Yeah okay. Don't think of what I am saying as simply to get attention (sexually). I never actually used that word in that context. I was just thinking if a woman is wearing a dress where her breasts are, lets face it, the main focal point, then if you comment on them (perhaps wording it in an inoffensive way) is it necessarily a bad thing?

Only the woman in question can decide that.

[GamerSoul]

Judging in what way? Assuming the women want attention? They're just as guilty of course. Who the fuck are they to decide why I'm wearing X.

Yep, assuming they want attention. Ok thank you, I just wanted to clarify that it could work both ways, because some women are looking just as hard at that nicely fit top with matching heels as unfairly as some guys do. Like you said, they don't know why you could be wearing what you're wearing.

[SnakeswithLasers]

Again I never said it has anything to do with me. I said it has everything to do with how she wants to be seen. If it did not why do it? To make her feel good about herself? How? It means nothing if she was the only person in the room. What benefit does she get from it? It is also completely hypothetical. It has nothing to do with whether I would or wouldn't comment on her breasts. I am simply playing devils advocate so to speak.

I don't think you understand women, or people in general, as well as you think you do.