[shanshan310]

2. Get a part time time and use the money to buy your drugs.

I guess this is what I don't get. If he feels so awful about it, why doesn't he just use different money, or you know, cut down on the drug use?

[ronito]

I'm in Ukraine visiting family(not really. Euro 2012!). Problem is I've been cheating on my wife while here. I felt bad at first since she stayed home to work and watch our dogs. But, the temptation is just too much here. So many beautiful women and no wife in sight. I miss being with a beautiful woman. My wife used to be that but she hasn't been taking too much care of herself lately. I really doubt I'll stop cheating on her either.

Do the right thing, let her go and find a better dude.

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Do the right thing, let her go and find a better dude.

I agree with Ronito. Don't string her along like this, man.

[Mordeccai]

Do the right thing, let her go and find a better dude.

Your wife might not be up to physical standards man but (hopefully) you married her for a reason. Presumably you both have invested time and love with each other and that shits real.

Those Ukraine women? Chances are they'd kick you when your down and rob you blind. You owe your wife more than this but you also have the right to make a choice here.

[ronito]

I work for a financial company. There's insider trading going on here all day long. It's just part of the work. Having talked to friends at other similar companies it's the same for them. Rich get richer.

pfft. Yeah. And?
That's nothing. Like I've said many times if I hadn't signed NDAs I could tell tales that would turn libertopians to commies. I think everyone just assumes insider trading at this point.

[Kinyou]

1. Wear a recording device
2. Hand it over to the court
3. ???????
4. ???????

(I have no idea what would happen)

[Sanky Panky]

pfft. Yeah. And? That's nothing. Like I've said many times if I hadn't signed NDAs I could tell tales that would turn libertopians to commies. I think everyone just assumes insider trading at this point.

I expect some great anonymous confessions comming up.

[Cyan]

1. Wear a recording device 2. Hand it over to the court 3. ??????? 4. ??????? (I have no idea what would happen)

Nothing. Or you'd get arrested for recording people without permission. Depends on the state, I guess.

pfft. Yeah. And? That's nothing. Like I've said many times if I hadn't signed NDAs I could tell tales that would turn libertopians to commies. I think everyone just assumes insider trading at this point.

You have to be careful if you're a principal, but yeah, I assume a whole lot of insider trading happens. There's a statistically significant amount of trading that happens in advance of announcements.

[ronito]

I expect some great anonymous confessions comming up.

Yeah, wont be from me about that. Not gonna even risk that. If I ever change careers though, expect a huge thread.

[ronito]

\ You have to be careful if you're a principal, but yeah, I assume a whole lot of insider trading happens. There's a statistically significant amount of trading that happens in advance of announcements.

Wait, I thought principals were on the "list" where they aren't allowed to sell or buy stock during certain events.

[Cyan]

Wait, I thought principals were on the "list" where they aren't allowed to sell or buy stock during certain events.

Yeah. That sentence should be parsed as "You have to be careful if you're a principal. But if you're not, you can get away with a lot."

[ronito]

Yeah. That sentence should be parsed as "You have to be careful if you're a principal. But if you're not, you can get away with a lot."

So your tip is, never become principal. Got it.

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I just had a horrible thought.

There are GAFers that presumably masturbate to the "Post Pics of Self" thread... but there's also a thread where GAFers post pictures of their girlfriends/wives/boyfriends/husbands.

Now it feels even creepier for some reason.

[cartoon_soldier]

I'm in Ukraine visiting family(not really. Euro 2012!). Problem is I've been cheating on my wife while here. I felt bad at first since she stayed home to work and watch our dogs. But, the temptation is just too much here. So many beautiful women and no wife in sight. I miss being with a beautiful woman. My wife used to be that but she hasn't been taking too much care of herself lately. I really doubt I'll stop cheating on her either.

GAF Scumbag right here

I just had a horrible thought. There are GAFers that presumably masturbate to the "Post Pics of Self" thread... but there's also a thread where GAFers post pictures of their girlfriends/wives/boyfriends/husbands. Now it feels even creepier for some reason.

I am assuming later is more popular with said GAFers

[ronito]

All right GAF, long time reader, first time confession-er (?) here. Went to a party last night and got talking to a girl for a while. Today I was going through the guest-list on Facebook adding a couple of people I met there*, and saw the girl's surname when it hit me. She's my next door neighbour! Not only that, but we've been living next door to each other for the best part of 20 years now (although I lived elsewhere for a few years and I think she may have too). The only thing I can hold onto is that she didn't recognise me either, (as she asked for my name), but it's still pretty fucking embarrassing. For reference we're both living with our parents and in our early twenties (she a few years younger than I). So, I need a bit of advice. Do I message her on Facebook and make a joke about the whole thing? Do I just not say anything and try to avoid bumping into her until I move out? Help me out here, GAF! *Also, not a confession, but if you tell me "Add me on facebook" at the end of a party, then for god's sake make sure your facebook profile photo is actually a picture of you!

So wait you realize this chick is your neighbor and you're thinking about messaging her on Facebook? Dude step up your game and stop by. God.

[viciouskillersquirrel]

So wait you realize this chick is your neighbor and you're thinking about messaging her on Facebook? Dude step up your game and stop by. God.

Seriously.

[Jedeye Sniv]

We can't comment until we know how hot said neighbor is. Go borrow a cup of sugar or something.

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

So wait you realize this chick is your neighbor and you're thinking about messaging her on Facebook? Dude step up your game and stop by. God.

This. What the hell? She's like ten steps away.

[Jedeye Sniv]

This. What the hell? She's like ten steps away.

Yeah I know. You could literally just start shouting through the wall and she'd hear you. Now there's an idea...

[snoopen]

Yeah I know. You could literally just start shouting through the wall and she'd hear you. Now there's an idea...

Yep - masturbate very loudly at the area closest to her house and hope she gets the idea.

[Kinyou]

So wait you realize this chick is your neighbor and you're thinking about messaging her on Facebook? Dude step up your game and stop by. God.

But if she doesn't know that he is her neighbor, wouldn't it be weird if he's all the sudden standing at her door?

"Hey I-"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE?!"

[snoopen]

But if she doesn't know that he is her neighbor, wouldn't it be weird if he's all the sudden standing at her door? "Hey I-" "HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE?!"

No.

"hey, i just met you, and this is crazy, but i live next door, can i come over maybe?"

[ronito]

I have a confession. I have never had a girlfriend in my life and people around me often wonder why. They notice I push away at the advances of females and show no interests. In reality, I've liked girls who have like me and could have been in relationship if I tried. The problems I've always faced was that I have a skin condition known as pearly penile papules. This has cause me to be severely self-conscious and unwilling to be in a relationship. I'm terrified at what the female would say, do, etc. There is no "cure" for it so I'm stuck with this embarrassing condition. I've read only that many people have it and that some women don't mind it, but I just don't believe it. Every time I start liking someone, I remember my condition and push them away without any explanation. I hate myself for it and I don;t think I'll ever have to the courage to take a chance because of the skin condition.

Must not google. MUST NOT GOOGLE...

[Entropia]

Must not google. MUST NOT GOOGLE...

With a name like that, no thank you!

[EYEL1NER]

Must not google. MUST NOT GOOGLE...

Don't do it bro!

[I H8 Memes]

Must not google. MUST NOT GOOGLE...

I think this post is a troll to get gaffers to image search other mens penises.

[Kinyou]

Must not google. MUST NOT GOOGLE...

From Wikipedia:

They have been found to regress with aging and with circumcision.

So there's that.

Otherwise I'd just suggest to get into a more platonic relationship with a woman. After you two really get to know each other, such a little thing wont bother anyone anymore.

[youngplaya21]

Must not google. MUST NOT GOOGLE...

Oh man, I just google'd it and.... it's not as bad as I thought. Looks kinda weird, but I was expecting there to not be any skin whatsoever or something worse. I wouldn't expect any blow jobs from ONS, but otherwise it's nothing too creepy I guess.

[Baconsaurus Rex]

PSA

DO NOT GOOGLE THAT DEFINITELY NSFW

With that out of the way, I expected it to be much worse. I can definitely see that this condition might hurt your confidence but I don't see this as a dealbreaker for women. Step your game up son, leave it behind you and see how it goes.

And if you're really worried about her reaction then find a nice prude virgin and tell her that it's normal. See won't know the difference.

[sturmdogg]

PSA DO NOT GOOGLE THAT DEFINITELY NSFW With that out of the way, I expected it to be much worse. I can definitely see that this condition might hurt your confidence but I don't see this as a dealbreaker for women. Step your game up son, leave it behind you and see how it goes. And if you're really worried about her reaction then find a nice prude virgin and tell her that it's normal. See won't know the difference.

If the guy who sent in the confession is reading this, apparently you can have them removed surgically: (NSFW) http://pearlypenilepapules.net/how-to-get-rid-of-pearly-penile-papules/ (NSFW)

[Kipe]

I've seen a pictures of that already when I was looking up something else for myself. It's not that bad. I mean it's kind of freaky the first time you see it, but once you explain it to people I don't think women will care.

[Earthstrike]

Alright I googled the papules. The wikipedia photo makes them look not bad at all.

[Copernicus]

They're just nature's version of a ribbed condom.

[HamPster PamPster]

I'll give the opposite advice and say forget women, enjoy being single! As a family man its hard reading the Evil travels thread and knowing how much disposable income I could spend on things like traveling if only... (doesn't help thats its a gloomy monday ugh)

Ahh well the grass is always greener I suppose

[I H8 Memes]

Oh man, I just google'd it and.... it's not as bad as I thought. Looks kinda weird, but I was expecting there to not be any skin whatsoever or something worse. I wouldn't expect any blow jobs from ONS, but otherwise it's nothing too creepy I guess.

When I was younger I had a milder version of it than you see in the wikipedia picture and I never had any question or complaint from a single woman. Confessor is seriously letting pussy walk away for absolutely no reason.

[Clydefrog]

papules is a pretty cool word

papules

[ronito]

I recently slept with my ex. We were together for about 4 years and then she started cheating on me. I broke it off immediately, but she calls every now and then. She’s now in a new relationship with an older guy, and is already cheating on him. After the sex she starts the confessing, apparently the guy is into some depraved shit, she found a folder on his computer with some illegal viewing material. She confronted him about it and he tried to play it off like he got hacked. She is crying her eyes out and it just depresses me, she had like a bright future and she is still young. I try to tell her to do the right thing, but she is in a comfortable lifestyle with him. I want to help her but I find myself ignoring her calls.

Not your problem dude. And lest you think about taking her back once a cheater always a cheater.

[Cynosure]

Must not google. MUST NOT GOOGLE...

The best solution I can think of is sandpaper.

[fanboi]

Hey... I even have that "penile papules"... didn't even realize it was a condition of AWESOME!

[samus i am]

Hey... I even have that "penile papules"... didn't even realize it was a condition of AWESOME!

Post pictures here.... for science.

[fanboi]

Post pictures here.... for science.

It is awesome.

Since I get hot pussy.

Whom say they like my penis and its pupps.

[gooey kablooie]

In the primate line from which humans have evolved, a regulatory DNA sequence associated with the formation of small keratinized penile spines was lost.[11] This particular DNA sequence is missing in all humans tested, so cannot explain why some human males form penile papules and some do not.[10] In species which retain the full expression of penile spines, penile spines contribute to sexual pleasure and quicker orgasms.[12]

Seems better to have it.

[ronito]

Hey GAF, guy who didn't recognise his next door neighbour here. First off, I just want to clarify that there aren't any romantic intentions involved. On the matter of why I didn't just go over to her house, there are two reasons. As Kinyou pointed out, it would be awkward as hell. So, so awkward. Secondly, and possibly more importantly is that it's quite likely that one of her parents would answer the door, and then overhear the aforementioned awkward conversation. Her parents would tell my parents, and my parents would tell pretty much everyone I know (and probably a lot of people I don't). It'd become their go-to conversation piece of "stupid things our kids did" for pretty much the rest of their lives, and I sure as hell want to avoid that. Anyway, I messaged her on Facebook, and apparently she thought she recognised me, but figured it probably wasn't me when I didn't mention it. Makes me feel like even more of a colossal idiot, but at least it's out of the way.

Man you so need to move out.

[Zeitgeister]

Post pictures here.... for science.

a quarter of all men has them, so there's a good chance you can just look at your dick and see them / it.

It's just another skin irregularity, not a skin disease.

[Llyranor]

Yeah, they're really not that bad. Honestly, just google image them if you're that curious. What's the worst that could happen?

Just imagine there were hundreds of little insect eggs (or eyes?) all cluttered around your glans. It's fine, really.

[pigeon]

First off, I just want to clarify that there aren't any romantic intentions involved.

If you're not planning to try to date this girl then I have no idea why you got stressed out about it enough to make an anonymous confession about it. Either you are way more embarrassed of your parents than you need to be at 20 or they are intensely overbearing; either way, ronito is right, you should move.

[highluxury]

I recently slept with my ex. We were together for about 4 years and then she started cheating on me. I broke it off immediately, but she calls every now and then. She’s now in a new relationship with an older guy, and is already cheating on him. After the sex she starts the confessing, apparently the guy is into some depraved shit, she found a folder on his computer with some illegal viewing material. She confronted him about it and he tried to play it off like he got hacked. She is crying her eyes out and it just depresses me, she had like a bright future and she is still young. I try to tell her to do the right thing, but she is in a comfortable lifestyle with him. I want to help her but I find myself ignoring her calls.

Wouldnt be surprised if this would be someone from dating-age... it sounds vaguely familiar...

[ronito]

I would've posted in the thread, but this is you know--anonymous. I just felt the need to share with him the fact I have them too. Especially since everyone made it such a big deal in the thread. They're along the lower end of the shaft on me. Anyway, I've been with a handful of women, and none of them notice/care. Everyone's different. Just make sure they're not an STD and you're good to go. You only live once so there's no point in not getting laid while you're here because you have a few skin tags on you schlong.

Man, who would've thought Pearly Dick would get so much attention?

[.GqueB.]

Must not google. MUST NOT GOOGLE...

Holy FUCK I just googled and I have that...

holy shit... wait...

wtf...

But in response to that poster, I've been with a number of women and none of them cared. Though mine seems to be a mild case compared to these pictures I'm seeing.

...

holy shit, lol.

[ronito]

My senior year in high school my friend invited me to a college visit/college party. We went to a frat party and after a four loko and a couple beers I was pretty drunk and couldn't find my friend. I met a group of random people who saw that I was lost and they invited me along to chill. When I decided to go in for the night a girl offered to take me back to my friends dorm since I didn't know the way. We ended up dropping by her dorm just to check it out. We talked for a bit, I find out she is super christian and into biology i think and then we start making out. I started fingering her and we were both topless when her friend walks in. We were both pretty drunk at this point so she freaks out and starts crying. She goes and gets in the shower and her other friends who just showed up too, start consoling her. I stick around because I'm freaking out. I guess the combination of being super christian and her being in college while I was still a high schooler didn't bode well for her social status and now that she was caught she freaked out. I talked to one of her friends and when she asked what happened I explained as best I could and then she said I should just go back to my friends dorm and she'll contact me in the morning. I call my friend( who had been hooking up with a girl for the past two hours...) and he stops by, exchanges info with the friend and we go back. Next day I go home feeling like shit but at least the whole ordeal had saved me time from filling out an application for the school since I for sure didn't want to go there anymore. Then the next day my friend calls to inform me the girl is claiming I tried to rape her. He says she hasn't decided whether or not to report it yet. So for the next two months I get phone calls with updates, that were pretty much: "hey, they called, wanting to know this or that. They also still haven't made a decision" This hands down was the worst few months of my life. Since we hadn't actually had sex I couldn't be charged with rape I don't think, but if she reported that I tried to rape her there certainly would have been an investigation and my parents would have found out and my life would have been completely different. I was already planning on having friends and former partners testify on my behalf that I was not the type of person to rape someone, but with cases like these its almost always the girls word valued over the guys. And even if I wasn't found guilty, the news would have spread around the high school in a day an my social life would be fucked. Every day I lived on edge waiting for the next phone call hoping it wasn't the one where my friend announces the girls decision. I could barely motivate myself to study because all I could think about was the fact that if I get charged with attempted rape my life would be over. My parents wouldn't be able to look at me the same way. I don't even know if they would still be willing to help pay for my college anymore if that had happened. I played high school sports at the time and I vividly remember when one day at practice a cop came out to the field. I was so filled with anxiety and I remember thinking "this is it, this is when they call me in for questioning". Turns out he was there for something else that was unimportant but it scared the shit out of me. I couldn't focus on anything other than the fact that this girls decision could wreck my life at any moment. Its been over a year since then and I've never talked to the girl since that night. I occasionally hang out with the friend and he never brings it up. He never got a phone call saying the girl had decided not to report the incident so we both assumed she had decided she either didn't have any evidence that I tried to rape her or had decided she didn't want to ruin my life for her own social gain. The whole incident was extremely traumatizing. To this day I have never told anyone, and I trust my friend hasn't either. What bothers me the most about the whole thing was everything we did was consensual. At no point did she ever say to stop kissing or fingering her. And although we were drunk, we were still completely aware of what was going on. Yet even then she could claim it wasn't consensual and get me in trouble. It's definitely changed how I approach girls. When I first started talking to my current gf it took me several dates to finally hug, several more to hold her hand, and several more to finally kiss her. I haven't turned into a woman bashing guy with resentment for all girls, but I certainly feel sympathy for the men who have been wrongly accused of rape and served jail time for a crime they didn't commit. I would probably hate the girl for lying to her friends and nearly driving me insane with anxiety if it wasn't for the fact that I'm actually still afraid that she might one day try to get me in trouble, because I have heard of similar situations in the news. It helps to write this out since I've never talked about it to anyone in over a year and until at least 10 years from now I probably won't ever bring it up to people I know irl.

So much that could get me banned. All I'll say is, man, that sucks.

Oh man, stuck at the bottom of the page. Poor guy can't catch a break.