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Purple Drazi
(05-17-2012, 12:29 AM)
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NeoGAF's Poetry Corner - #51: Mirrors
#1
NeoGAF's Poetry Corner - #51: Mirrors
 Theme: Mirrors Optional Secondary Objective: Unified metaphor/imagery Stick to a single metaphor class throughout your piece. Submission Deadline; (PST)  The deadline is next Friday, the 25th of May 2012. Voting Deadline; (PST)  The deadline normally runs over the course of the submission deadline weekend. * Rules Etc * Archives Part 1 * Archives part 2 * Previous Challenges: 1 to 49 * Op Template  
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Member
(05-22-2012, 10:09 PM)
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#7
Found some time today. Won't have time to get back to it this week unfortunately so I'm posting early.
Asking Alice And again you left your face inside my mirror As well as all the space between your sides Is this visage really you my dear? Or rather what the world prescribed? Now you are gone away with vagrant paces Searching for your lost reflection Why is it that you stray from complacent faces Inside each mirror for new direction? Daylight dreamer, wide-eyed sleeper Why do you find the ones who wear the crown? Turn away you keyhole peeker Less is more to keep your head from off the ground So little girl I must implore you Let your curls unfurl upon each ear It is you who must adore you If you want your face to leave the mirror
Last edited by crops55; 05-23-2012 at 01:40 AM.
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Member
(05-25-2012, 02:14 AM)
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#13
Poem of the week
Quote:
yep, i saw the youtube vid randomly and just needed a reason to post it. |
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Member
(05-26-2012, 02:38 AM)
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#16
...and crappy speed poem writing powers activate!
Spherical I keep my eyes down Its hard to look at. That round sliver dome. To show what is coming To show where I've been To show what looms for me For me to see my present state For me to see the ones around me For me to see the space I fill It's meant to warn me It's supposed to protect me It's there so I can see what is coming next. I call bullshit.
Last edited by FelixOrion; 05-28-2012 at 12:46 AM.
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Member
(05-26-2012, 06:36 AM)
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#17
Through glances caught in the shattered glass
the man recoils in fear, in the mirror's surface what would come to pass, reflected, a future near, so, in fear the man flees, with fateful steps, terror he had come to find, as onwards the sands of time slowly crept, while fate grimly clouded his mind, with images wrought from a vision of hell, a future he just could not bare, upon those torturous scenes his mind did dwell, as down he dove, down deep in to despair. |
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Member
(05-26-2012, 06:53 AM)
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#18
Square
I keep my eyes down; It's hard to look at. Damn, I'm ugly. I tried to apply some makeup on to my cheeks and my nose and some on to my forehead but all I can see is what I look like now: an ugly person who wants to look around me and find out the wonders of life. I call bullshit. Through glances caught in the shattered glass the man recoils in fear at my face. Why am I so ugly? Maybe it's because I don't want to be pretty. I'll just put some more makeup on and try to figure out if my future self will look more like a celebrity. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. |
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Purple Drazi
(05-26-2012, 07:16 AM)
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#19
Shadow
A monstrous silhouette beyond the threshold Familiar. Frightening. Wrong. Its shadow carries through the gloaming, battering at the doorway, dim where bright should rule Cold, the darkling form, hard-edged, grim. It pushes, always pushes yet it dare not cross the threshold Of silvered glass. |
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Member
(05-26-2012, 10:44 AM)
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#20
on writing,
by ashes. Dear Sairah, Your innocence & trust is wonderful, But I am not a good fit, Please don't read those words of mine, And interpret them to be me, They're what I see, They don't reflect me. It's important that you know this, I'm not here to mislead, I consider you a friend, And friendship is built on honesty. I know you're on my side, But heart on heart, that thing we talked about, I know now It'll never happen, So I've put it aside. Yet do I not walk on? Golfing alone in the moon light, And I'm completely fine. As long as there is dew on grass, and warmth in the reader's grasp, And love is there to be found, I carry the quill, For no other reason but that I like the sound... Yours sincerely, Ashes. ps. In the end, I suppose being in love helps, to grind like a needle on a record, And go for another round.
Last edited by Ashes1396; 05-26-2012 at 11:04 AM.
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Member
(05-26-2012, 09:41 PM)
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Entry list
#21
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Member
(05-27-2012, 07:40 PM)
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#23
1. Cyan - Excellent word choice. Silvered glass sticks out to me for some reason. Although normally I find I have a hard time attaching myself to non-rhymed poetry, you've fashioned excellent imagery through your choice of words. Good poem.
2. FelixOrion - Sometimes what one feels is hastily procured can produce honesty and originality. Even if you don't feel same, I feel like this poem flows quite well. ("Its" needs an apostrophe) 3. Bootaaay - Very solid poem. Great pacing and rhyming. |
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Member
(05-28-2012, 05:28 AM)
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#24
1. Grakl - Indeed it is, now allow me to return the favor. It always seems your poems are an island of humor in a sea of dark poems, thread after thread. I'm glad I got the humor poking this week.
 2. Crops55 - Pretty cryptic, I thought; made me focus and dig and scratch my head, but in a good way. (And grammar error noted, thanks.) 3. Bootaaay - I always enjoy the very "snapshot" nature of your style, and I always enjoy reading about descents into madness. |
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Member
(05-28-2012, 07:02 AM)
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#26
Votes:
1. Cyan - Shadow 2. Bootaaay - Through glances caught in the shattered glass... 3. Ward - Vivid
Quote:
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Member
(05-29-2012, 08:41 PM)
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#29
Okay so I can't get decent feedback for this anywhere. Will someone be so kind as to spare a few minutes of their time and tell me what they think of this? It would be greatly appreciated(and yes, Cyan, I lifted your word:)) :
And Then... A starless night, a severed moon Silvered light spilled in my room Curtain lace of virgin white Quivered with a virgin’s plight Windows wide to wind that trails Distant sighs on rusted rail While clockwork greets the day’s defeat With song that sweetly soaked in These thoughts that bled, dripped from my head Into the soundless ocean |
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Member
(05-29-2012, 08:52 PM)
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#30
I'm not sure about the soundless ocean reference. Nor the imagery of virginity. But I think the middle three lines are best.
Windows wide to wind that trails Distant sighs on rusted rail While clockwork greets the day’s defeat. Especially, Windows wide to wind that trails. There's an originality there not in the rest of the poem. Good stuff. |
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Member
(05-29-2012, 09:11 PM)
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#31
Originally Posted by Ashes1396:
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Member
(05-30-2012, 06:41 AM)
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#32
Go with what you like I suppose. Sometimes, unintentionally some pieces of my writing, when I glance at it at a later date, give the effect of straining to impress, when at no point, in my thought process, do I consciously attempt to do so. Maybe natural effortless poetry is best. If I'm honest, I don't know.
And if I'm really honest, sometimes, Good poetry is good, because it's just when two people's tastes align. Sure that taste improves, the more you look at poetry and prose. The easiest way to explain it is this. You look at a drawing, and you think, oh this is really good. Then you see a hundred drawings, and the paintings sort of blend in, and then you really see where someone's piece stands out as good and some others that are not so good. Maybe you read a couple of hundred books on the subject matter, and you know why this failed, or that excelled, even if a lot of people didn't or don't. So in effect, at first glance, without really engaging it, I'm seeing contradictions [soundless oceans/ oceans, seas are often referenced for their sounds. "you can hear the sound of the sea in a seashell, donchayaknow!], and things in the piece, that appear not to be needed there, the virginity aspect. So I try to be careful which cognitive libraries I call or address. Soundless oceans, don't to me conjure up ideas of the sub-concious, or drifting into it. That may only be me though. But had you said, your dreams were akin to soundless oceans, it automatically makes me latch onto those two ideas, and makes me think in the right direction. And as you explained it, muted oceans, and dreams.. and now, I can think of your poem in this way. You can do this with any poem. Take for example, from my own example: golfing alone in the moonlight. What's that about? the notion of playing by your self. For your self. Golfers on tv always play in front of an audience. Golfing in the moonlight, I wanted to say, was me trying to explain the experience of a wannabe pro-golfer, playing not for a crowd, but playing for himself. Why at night? well, by then the crowds have gone home. It's also darker, and lonelier. The moon light is a reference to... well you get the idea. Sometimes you feel your way around emotions, and hope the reader feels or at least sees what you see. Sometimes the telekinesis is instant with something or someone we are familiar with. I know what the author is saying, its clear and I believe him. <I suppose this is just me as a reader. Which leads me onto the virginity part. It feels like an outlier...
Last edited by Ashes1396; 05-30-2012 at 06:47 AM.
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Member
(06-02-2012, 05:20 PM)
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#39
Originally Posted by Cyan:
Originally Posted by Ashes1396:
New thread is up now, apologies for the delay x_x NeoGAF's Poetry Corner - #52: Sailing Against the Storm |
