[Grassy]

This pretty much. I make it a rule never to ask waitresses/bartenders out usually because it's their job to be friendly/flirt a bit.

Yeah well this is how I use to feel too but recently I started dating the waitress at my local cafe. I thought she was just being friendly/doing her job and because she is really cute and is also a personal trainer(she has a smoking hot body) I knew heaps of guys would be after her so even though we were getting along really well I didn't think anything would happen.

Eventually she started dropping hints that she was single and then one day I just asked her if she wanted to go out sometime and she said yes :)

Heaps of guys do ask her out though and some of her customers even buy her presents, including one guy who bought her a book and put $1000 cash inside...plenty of guys leave their business cards/phone numbers under the windscreen wipers of her car and shit like that too.

[Blackace]

I used to pull similar stuff when I was wokring for Subway. People that I decided I liked for whatever reason I'd give them free drinks, cookies, bacon on their subs. Whatever. I hung out with some randoms a few times after work/on my breaks. Mainly because I was bored, and they'd made a comment about music or something that made me think they were cool people. But I hated my job, and it never even crossed my mind to "get more business". In fact, I wanted as few customers as possible. The point is even though a person may have a motivation to drive a business, you can't just assume that's where they're coming from. Maybe I'm just an optimist with these things.

Waitressing bartending can be cash businesses... so not exactly the same

[SlipperySlope]

I don't want to fuck her, I had my chance with that and she said "no" so yeah. ... What the fuck? OMG! How did I not think about this? This can also be it.

These statements contradict each other...

The problem is you still like her. Save yourself the stress and stop thinking about her. Best way is to stop going to that establishment. Stop going there until you truly are over her. Separation is key here. Separate yourself from her.

[frequency]

OP keeps saying he's over it and accepts it. But in like every post, he sounds like he's still trying to pursue and get something more out of this than what the current relationship is.

[injurai]

tips + its fun in the moment? People always try to read past the moment.

[SMT]

Yeah well this is how I use to feel too but recently I started dating the waitress at my local cafe. I thought she was just being friendly/doing her job and because she is really cute and is also a personal trainer(she has a smoking hot body) I knew heaps of guys would be after her so even though we were getting along really well I didn't think anything would happen. Eventually she started dropping hints that she was single and then one day I just asked her if she wanted to go out sometime and she said yes :) Heaps of guys do ask her out though and some of her customers even buy her presents, including one guy who bought her a book and put $1000 cash inside...plenty of guys leave their business cards/phone numbers under the windscreen wipers of her car and shit like that too.

Well, we might have another man who has a way with the ladies on this forum.

[FortunateSon]

There's already mention of "watching her" while waiting on other

What? Where did I mention this? I'm not a talker or a creep, lol. Sometimes she serves other customers that have tables that are just in our view. It's not like I go out of my way to watch her, just the rare occasion here and there and from what I've seen. She doesn't act the same way with other customers like she does with us.

first of all.. should have went for a number or email address.. (so you can know when she is working or something) most likely guys ask her out a lot.. comes with the job.. Tipping less would be bad.. if she is hooking you up with stuff as a valued customer respect that..

Um. I should have done that but eh. Shit happens. And she already told us her schedule. She works there every weekend. She tells us when she works, what time and what days, lol.

Well, she doesn't hook us up with meals. Just drinks and that's when she drinks with us, like shots.

So I was thinking, maybe I should tip the normal and not anymore than that.

Bad? You mean other than looking like you caught feelings over the rejection? And were you just tipping her well only so that she would like you?

No. I've always tipped well because I've received great service. I wasn't the one going in looking for a date with the waitress. I go there with friends to chill, talk and let off some steam. It's just because she has served us multiple times over the course of many months and she was doing all the numerous things I've mentioned in this thread so I just asked her out (didn't go well for me, hahah) BUT I want to tip her bad just to see if she keeps up her overly flirtatious attitude? Like can't she just be friendly, normal and do her job? She already knows I tip her well, why be so flirtatious? To get more tips? If she wants to be my friend, I'm cool with that.

I don't just tip in hopes for her to like me, what the fuck is that?

Eh, it's not always so clear cut. I guess I phrased it wrong... be friendly, and if she keeps being approachable/chatty you could make a friend out of it. If she has some other motivation it will become apparent eventually. Is that better?

This is what I'm talking about. Maybe a friendship? Don't know.

She's familiar with you guys (since you are regulars), thinks you're semi-cool, and likes to chill with you guys because it breaks up what is otherwise a monotonous day/job. It's possible she's not looking for a boyfriend or tips, she's just being a regular person.

Yeah, but a regular person implying that she wants to be friends right?

[bjb]

Yeah well this is how I use to feel too but recently I started dating the waitress at my local cafe. I thought she was just being friendly/doing her job and because she is really cute and is also a personal trainer(she has a smoking hot body) I knew heaps of guys would be after her so even though we were getting along really well I didn't think anything would happen. Eventually she started dropping hints that she was single and then one day I just asked her if she wanted to go out sometime and she said yes :) Heaps of guys do ask her out though and some of her customers even buy her presents, including one guy who bought her a book and put $1000 cash inside...plenty of guys leave their business cards/phone numbers under the windscreen wipers of her car and shit like that too.

Damn, how do you feel when she tells you shit like this?

What? Where did I mention this? I'm not a talker or a creep, lol. Sometimes she serves other customers that have tables that are just in our view. It's not like I go out of my way to watch her, just the rare occasion here and there and from what I've seen. She doesn't act the same way with other customers like she does with us.

You're obviously watching her (probably when you should not be) while she's with other customers. Seemingly studying the way she interacts with them. I don't necessarily think that's normal.

Also you keep wondering if there's a friendship? It would appear you're already friends, but for whatever reason that will not suffice for you.

[Centurion]

three things...

you keep mentioning "us".... Are you sure there isn't someone else in your group that she may find attractive?

you already asked her out before, so she knows you like her and that she has a boyfriend. Always makes you feel good when talking with people who are into you.

she might be into you, but was caught off guard when you asked her out.


edit: you're also a regular, so don't dismiss the fact that she hangs out with you guys afterwards, being friendly/talkative because you'll be a good tipper the next time around too.

[SlipperySlope]

Eh. About the whole, me wanting to date her; that's over and done with. I've already asked her out and she fired down on me with bullets. But what I want to know is if there can be any sort of friendship salvaged out of this? Honestly, I should ask that. Risky though. :P Good point all around. All my friends were saying the same thing, instead of directly asking her out. Ask her out to hangout with my group somewhere else... But like you said, I fucked up by asking her out personally. What does this even mean?

In 99.99999% of cases, a guy can't be friends with a girl he likes. I learned the hard way...

I know it's hard, but you need to stop thinking about her. Trust me. It's HARD, but you need to. For your own well being.

[oatmeal]

With everyone posting Butters...I feel like switching it up!

[FortunateSon]

I thought you were still friendly with her, what is it about her you value so much that you need a deeper friendship? Unless you are just holding out hope it can work into something more.

Well. Honestly, if it does, it does. But I'm not looking towards that. More what she can offer as a friend to the group. I just think she's a really cool cat to hangout with she shares similar activities with me and my group. And my group seem to really like her as well. And there's nothing wrong with that. Even though this statement coming up is going to be contradictory as I don't believe in platonic friendship between to opposite sexes but I'm trying to change that.

"Buying" him drinks really means she is pouring him alcohol that belongs to the bar, and not charging him. She's not actually paying. These free drinks make him want to tip more, and thus she gets more tip while the bar is missing a shot of alcohol, which will never be noticed

So dojokun, somehow; everything is tied to tips? Everything that she does is because for a few dollars extra? Really now. You are talking maybe 5 bucks extra for the 45 minutes she spends with us after work without us calling her to chill with us, she does it on her own accord.

Hanging out outside of work hours makes him more likely to tip well the next time he comes back to the bar.

Dude, she's a human being too. Is no other outcome possible other than tips? Lol.

If you're a regular and a good tipper, she knows you'll be back and that she wants to stay on your good side. Thus, the free drinks that she "bought" (which she didn't pay a penny for) which make you want to tip more. The flirtiness and friendliness is also geared at big tips she knows you're willing to give up. The hanging out after work hours is done with full knowlege that you'll be back and you'll be even more generous because you liked how she hung out after work.

Dude, I asked her out and I still came back and she still served me after that? I mean, you really think chilling with us after work or buying us drinks would make me want to come back to that bar? If I wanted top stop going, I will.

These statements contradict each other... The problem is you still like her. Save yourself the stress and stop thinking about her. Best way is to stop going to that establishment. Stop going there until you truly are over her. Separation is key here. Separate yourself from her.

I'm not going to stop going to that establishment. I love that place and the people that work there. She doesn't bug me one bit, not like I don't enjoy my time there when I'm with my friends and all I think is about her. I really don't think about her. Period. I would somehow like her friendship if possible that could lead to something, but if it doesn't, who cares. She's a cool cat! She's really fun to be with.

She's like a guy in a girls clothing.

OP keeps saying he's over it and accepts it. But in like every post, he sounds like he's still trying to pursue and get something more out of this than what the current relationship is.

I'm not pursuing her for a relationship (sexually that is). Well, what is the current relationship in your understanding?

[dojokun]

Goddamn. OP is getting argumentative. Clearly there is one thing he wants to hear and there's no point in telling him anything else.

[RevDM]

In 99.99999% of cases, a guy can't be friends with a girl he likes. I learned the hard way... I know it's hard, but you need to stop thinking about her. Trust me. It's HARD, but you need to. For your own well being.

I disagree. I think you should think about her constantly. Let her stew inside your head, let your brain melt. Fuck work, you need this time to think about this woman. Consider all the happy possibilities, even the not so happy ones. Imagine what your first fight will be about. Haha, how silly of you two to fight over such things. As time goes by, her tits start to sag. You start looking at younger women. She finds porn on your computer and you lie to her about working late so you can go to strip clubs. She becomes severely depressed and commits suicide and now you have to deal with this for as long as you live out the rest of your pathetic middle aged life.

But that's a bit excessive, isn't it?

[Amir0x]

She works there. She has to talk to you. Don't read into it.

first post nails it, sir. It is in her best interest to flirt with you and touch you. Waitresses who do that get tipped more.

I'm sorry but this feels like a virgin thread :(

[dojokun]

first post nails it, sir. It is in her best interest to flirt with you and touch you. Waitresses who do that get tipped more. I'm sorry but this feels like a virgin thread :(

"virgin thread" lmao

[goldenpp72]

Seems to me like the OP wanted to give her a different style of tip than she desires. I really don't get the point of ever asking out a waitress, they get paid depending on their service and likability, I see waitress make the biggest losers feel special pretty often, and usually they act differently around couples.

I get that you said she hung out post work and stuff, but it's possible to be friendly/flirty and not desire a date, don't look too much into it.

[Lonely1]

OP keeps saying he's over it and accepts it. But in like every post, he sounds like he's still trying to pursue and get something more out of this than what the current relationship is.

Why you have to crush the dreams of forever alone GAF, :(

[frequency]

I'm not pursuing her for a relationship (sexually that is). Well, what is the current relationship in your understanding?

Customer - Waitress
As others have suggested in this thread - nothing she is doing is unusual for a waitress to do.

Romantic or not, you just seem like you're wanting more out of this than what it currently is. I'll take your word that you don't want a romantic relationship, but you're still wanting more - a friendship outside of the bar. Based on what you've said, she has done nothing that would suggest she wants anything more. If you truly do want to continue the pursuit, I guess it won't hurt to ask her to hang out in a non-romantic situation though. But brace yourself for disappointment.

When you're at work, don't you have some co-workers or clients you're nice to? Do you want to be friends with and hang out with all of them outside of work? Like, I really think you're reading way too much into her actions. And maybe you're not being completely honest with yourself about what you want.

But I don't mean to pass judgement. Sorry.

Why you have to crush the dreams of forever alone GAF, :(

Sorry :(

[Ramblin]

I hung out with some randoms a few times after work/on my breaks.

Randoms? I'm old, not in the know, ok I'm a hermit; but is this how we refer to people we don't know? Does it allow us to treat a stranger as a (since this is gaf) randomly generated NPC? Someone we can shakedown for tips, using our charm skill, taking advantage of their rundown social bar?

[Grassy]

Damn, how do you feel when she tells you shit like this?

Yeah it's a bit weird as guys just seem to go crazy over her, though she says she has never started seeing anyone who has bought her a gift as she hates it when guys do that and she says she has never rung a guy who has left his phone number on her windscreen so it doesn't bother me too much.

Just after I started seeing her, her mechanic decided it would be a good idea to start sending text messages to her every day asking how she was and then started sending rude/explicit ones. She told him she was seeing me and to stop sending her messages and he then stopped but yeah that's the kind of shit that goes on.

[Linkhero1]

She wants a good tip.

Surprised this wasn't the first post.

[bjb]

Yeah it's a bit weird as guys just seem to go crazy over her, though she says she has never started seeing anyone who has bought her a gift as she hates it when guys do that and she says she has never rung a guy who has left his phone number on her windscreen so it doesn't bother me too much. Just after I started seeing her, her mechanic decided it would be a good idea to start sending text messages to her every day asking how she was and then started sending rude/explicit ones. She told him she was seeing me and to stop sending her messages and he then stopped but yeah that's the kind of shit that goes on.

I suppose that comes with the territory with dating really attractive women.

Unless of course she has a flirty personality and guys get the wrong signal. Kinda like the OP and this entire thread.

[Slayven]

Only way this could be worse if dude frequented a stripclub.

[ClovingWestbrook]

She works at a bar. She wants a good tip.

[Infinite Justice]

Only way this could be worse if dude frequented a stripclub.

LOL

[salva]

I tried asking a stripper out once. Didn't go so well. To my defense, she was giving me laps dances and feeling me so I thought she was into me > :[

[jett]

Good for you but now you know it was all only for the tips.

[dojokun]

I used to pull similar stuff when I was wokring for Subway. People that I decided I liked for whatever reason I'd give them free drinks, cookies, bacon on their subs. Whatever. I hung out with some randoms a few times after work/on my breaks. Mainly because I was bored, and they'd made a comment about music or something that made me think they were cool people. But I hated my job, and it never even crossed my mind to "get more business". In fact, I wanted as few customers as possible. The point is even though a person may have a motivation to drive a business, you can't just assume that's where they're coming from. Maybe I'm just an optimist with these things.

Well, it's always possible she wants more but the thing is... what the OP describes happens to me at all 3 bars that I have become a regular at. Before/after a shift hanging out for 45 minutes will happen if you're there and she thinks you two are past the stage of sexual tension.

In your case I bet people dont tip a lot at Subway so its different.

[SlipperySlope]

I would somehow like her friendship if possible that could lead to something

You're not listening to us, and frankly I didn't expect you to. You won't listen to this post either. This will be my last in this thread.

If you continue to go to that establishment, the bolded will be your undoing. Your posts sound like you're obsessing about her. Like I've said, I've been there. Very recently at that. Not a waitress, but a friend I wanted to be more than friends with.

It will only lead to heartbreak and unneeded stress. You are setting yourself up for failure and pain. If you keep going there, you will end up asking her out (as a "friend", with your group, or otherwise), again. And she'll decline again. And it'll hurt even more than the first time. Why? Because after the first time, you were thinking there might still be a chance. (cue Jim Carey GIF). And because the second time you ask, you'll have invested more energy into her than the first time. Energy that is better placed elsewhere.

Here's the thing. Most girls have big hearts. They like to let guys down easy. Hence the "I have a boyfriend" line, instead of flat out saying that they aren't interested. Trust me, you will never have a romantic relationship with her. So, please, stop chasing her.

Remember, we're not saying this to be mean. We're trying to help.

[Iadien]

...

Some girls really like attention, that's all it seems like to me.

[Flo_Evans]

Try taking a hot date there and make her jealous. Guaranteed to work!

this will not work

[Xeke]

You're not listening to us, and frankly I didn't expect you to. You won't listen to this post either. This will be my last in this thread. If you continue to go to that establishment, the bolded will be your undoing. Your posts sound like you're obsessing about her. Like I've said, I've been there. Very recently at that. Not a waitress, but a friend I wanted to be more than friends with. It will only lead to heartbreak and unneeded stress. You are setting yourself up for failure and pain. If you keep going there, you will end up asking her out (as a "friend", with your group, or otherwise), again. And she'll decline again. And it'll hurt even more than the first time. Why? Because after the first time, you were thinking there might still be a chance. (cue Jim Carey GIF). And because the second time you ask, you'll have invested more energy into her than the first time. Energy that is better placed elsewhere. Here's the thing. Most girls have big hearts. They like to let guys down easy. Hence the "I have a boyfriend" line, instead of flat out saying that they aren't interested. Trust me, you will never have a romantic relationship with her. So, please, stop chasing her. Remember, we're not saying this to be mean. We're trying to help.

[Huff]

She's totally into you. Go for it.

[davepoobond]

i dont know what places you guys go to where you all casually say "she works there she's flirting with you on purpose."

do waitresses seriously have time to flirt with one customer everytime he goes there to get a couple extra dollars out of him when theres like 10 other people they could be servicing and getting more tips all around?


ive never EVER had any sort of relationship like is being described by the OP with a waitress.

[vaelic]

Dude... She just wants a tip. Move on

[crimzonflame]

Oh shit! Why did it take 3 pages for some to reference Charlie. It all makes sense now.

[Resilient]

I'm okay with that. That's what I think it is as well. I don't want to fuck her, I had my chance with that and she said "no" so yeah.

This thread says otherwise.

I'm not that dude. Was at one point, not anymore. I move on pretty quick. I've always laughed at my own rejections etc...

If you have moved on so quickly, why are you making this thread and still trying to pursue it?

I've never been to a strip club or whatever. But no, they are paid to do their job. If I go, I'd go with the mentality that these girls are just doing their job and yes, the same can be said about waitressing but it's not as simple as comparing the both. There's quite the difference. Believe it or not.

Who you trying to convince here?

What the fuck? OMG! How did I not think about this? This can also be it.

Yes, this is definitely it.

How are you so blind , you refuse to listen to anybody in this thread.

[lenovox1]

ive never EVER had any sort of relationship like is being described by the OP with a waitress.

Have you ever been a regular at a bar before? The waitress and her patron's relationship is very common.

[Aselith]

Maybe I can make you feel better by telling a story about how much worse this could have been for you, OP.

So anyways I eat at a local Subway a lot because it's near my job and there was a girl that worked there that I liked and she seemed to like me too. Like she was really chatty with me and a couple of times made comments about how I never stayed to eat and would talk to me even if someone else was working on my order. Nothing super overt but enough to give me some hope that she was interested.

So flash forward a week or two and I get up the nerve to ask her out and I don't like to do that to people at work but no one else was around at the time so I figured it'd be ok. "Hey, what's the worst that can happen, she says no?" So I ask her out and she says no I have a boyfriend, etc. Not a problem. Didn't say anything weird, just like, "Hey do you want to go out and get some dinner this weekend?" kind of thing.But I still want to go get subs so I continue to go and act normal, it's not a big deal.

Except not for her. Every time I go in there, she books it to the back as soon as she sees me. Like literally she is walking out and sees me and then turns around and RUNS to the back. And that starts to make me super fucking uncomfortable going in there understandably like holy shit what is she telling her coworkers about me, do they ALL think I'm some creep or what?

So after a second day of this, I cannot take it anymore and avoid the place for like 3 months and finally one day much later I go in hoping if she's there it will finally be normal again and blessedly she is gone.

At least your waitress isn't treating you like a rapist because you asked her on a date.

[bjb]

do waitresses seriously have time to flirt with one customer everytime he goes there to get a couple extra dollars out of him when theres like 10 other people they could be servicing and getting more tips all around?

Absolutely. Said customers are more likely to come back AND request her. It's essentially like a hair dresser building up your clients.

Maybe I can make you feel better by telling a story about how much worse this could have been for you, OP. So anyways I eat at a local Subway a lot because it's near my job and there was a girl that worked there that I liked and she seemed to like me too. Like she was really chatty with me and a couple of times made comments about how I never stayed to eat and would talk to me even if someone else was working on my order. Nothing super overt but enough to give me some hope that she was interested. So flash forward a week or two and I get up the nerve to ask her out and I don't like to do that to people at work but no one else was around at the time so I figured it'd be ok. "Hey, what's the worst that can happen, she says no?" So I ask her out and she says no I have a boyfriend, etc. Not a problem. Didn't say anything weird, just like, "Hey do you want to go out and get some dinner this weekend?" kind of thing.But I still want to go get subs so I continue to go and act normal, it's not a big deal. Except not for her. Every time I go in there, she books it to the back as soon as she sees me. Like literally she is walking out and sees me and then turns around and RUNS to the back. And that starts to make me super fucking uncomfortable going in there understandably like holy shit what is she telling her coworkers about me, do they ALL think I'm some creep or what? So after a second day of this, I cannot take it anymore and avoid the place for like 3 months and finally one day much later I go in hoping if she's there it will finally be normal again and blessedly she is gone. At least your waitress isn't treating you like a rapist because you asked her on a date.

Are you back to enjoying your subs now?

[Flo_Evans]

i dont know what places you guys go to where you all casually say "she works there she's flirting with you on purpose." do waitresses seriously have time to flirt with one customer everytime he goes there to get a couple extra dollars out of him when theres like 10 other people they could be servicing and getting more tips all around? ive never EVER had any sort of relationship like is being described by the OP with a waitress.

It's a group, we used to take like 10 people every Friday to this Thai resturant. Waitresses where all over us. They even made an appetizer special and named it after us.

[filler]

You didn't put on enough axe body spray.

[Satch]

very eye-opening thread

[ViewtifulJC]

"No, I'm over her. No, I don't care. Yeah, I made a thread with several lengthy posts, ignoring all advice to let it go, and continue to think about her, and try to be friends and maybe something will happen but I'm totally over her.

No, I DON'T have a problem."

[loosus]

She may well be interested in you but, as she said, she has a boyfriend. Which, by definition, means that you are -- at best -- number 2 on her list, so I would forget it. There are plenty of girls who just love to flirt, love to get attention, love to see how far they can push the envelope without pushing it so far that you can actually and legitimately think they are interested in you romantically. Many committed girls do not have a one-track mind about their boyfriends, despite their commitment. The only reason some girls aren't called "sluts" is that they are not actively fucking the guys they are flirting with.

So again, any way you slice this, you are sinking energy into a project that is not happening. Move to the next one.

[davepoobond]

It's a group, we used to take like 10 people every Friday to this Thai resturant. Waitresses where all over us. They even made an appetizer special and named it after us.

i feel like i should be sad that no one will ever name an appetizer after me.

[RangersFan]

Denko? (´･ω･`)

[aznpxdd]

Yeah, pretty much all been covered in this thread, she's just doing her job, don't feel too special. Also, girls love attention.

[Wallach]

Maybe I can make you feel better by telling a story about how much worse this could have been for you, OP. So anyways I eat at a local Subway a lot because it's near my job and there was a girl that worked there that I liked and she seemed to like me too. Like she was really chatty with me and a couple of times made comments about how I never stayed to eat and would talk to me even if someone else was working on my order. Nothing super overt but enough to give me some hope that she was interested. So flash forward a week or two and I get up the nerve to ask her out and I don't like to do that to people at work but no one else was around at the time so I figured it'd be ok. "Hey, what's the worst that can happen, she says no?" So I ask her out and she says no I have a boyfriend, etc. Not a problem. Didn't say anything weird, just like, "Hey do you want to go out and get some dinner this weekend?" kind of thing.But I still want to go get subs so I continue to go and act normal, it's not a big deal. Except not for her. Every time I go in there, she books it to the back as soon as she sees me. Like literally she is walking out and sees me and then turns around and RUNS to the back. And that starts to make me super fucking uncomfortable going in there understandably like holy shit what is she telling her coworkers about me, do they ALL think I'm some creep or what? So after a second day of this, I cannot take it anymore and avoid the place for like 3 months and finally one day much later I go in hoping if she's there it will finally be normal again and blessedly she is gone. At least your waitress isn't treating you like a rapist because you asked her on a date.

Damn. That's shitty.