[Puddles]

Someone told me "you'll never love anyone like your first GF", is that true?

Nope.

The girl I've never gotten over was my 5th girlfriend.

It's always different. That doesn't mean it's better or worse. The first woman I ever loved was my mother. (Shut up, GAF! Ew...not like that.....*sigh*) Doesn't mean she is the bar I measure every one I love by.

Does she chase you around with a tea towel?

[mescalineeyes]

take it from someone who pretty much most certainly left the love of his life: You'll get somewhat over it.

[Puddles]

Yeah we've all been where you are now at some point or another. Dating and relationships are like a game. You are losing. Like, really really bad. Stop talking to her and about her to other people other than your therapist. Talk to other girls without seeming desperate. Act like you don't give a fuck. You have no idea how far that will go with some girls. You need to get back in that game and start winning, dude. It'll be hard, but give up on her.

This can't be stated enough.

You've got a bit of a grace period since the relationship just ended, but in general, nobody but your closest friends will want to hear about this after the first few days. Even your closest friends won't want to talk about this for more than a few weeks at the most, at least not regularly.

Don't be like me. The ex I can't get over broke up with me two days before a friend's wedding. I don't remember everything, but I do remember sitting outside, chain-smoking cigarettes and crying while everyone else was having a great time. I brought it up on several other embarrassing drunken occasions over the next two months.

Remember that when people ask you what's on your mind, or if you're okay, or why you look sad, or whatever, you don't have to get into it. People usually ask that stuff as a courtesy. They don't actually want to talk to you about your ex. That's why it's good that you have a therapist.

Also, don't tell new girls that you're seeing a therapist.

[Opus Angelorum]

@OP

I felt in a similar position back in April when my first love of over three years announced she had been cheating on me for a few weeks.

The next five days were a living hell, I couldn't see past the tears...everything I had ever loved suddenly came to an end. She was my best friend.

On the six day she left me (mentally), once I knew there was nothing between us her existence left my thoughts. I joined a dating site and within a week I had been on three dates...the last of which is my current partner of three (fantastic) months.

In short, with every end there is a beginning.

[Hoo-doo]

@OP I felt in a similar position back in April when my first love of over three years announced she had been cheating on me for a few weeks. The next five days were a living hell, I couldn't see past the tears...everything I had ever loved suddenly came to an end. She was my best friend. On the six day she left me (mentally), once I knew there was nothing between us her existence left my thoughts. I joined a dating site and within a week I had been on three dates...the last of which is my current partner of three (fantastic) months. In short, with every end there is a beginning.

I got to say, you move on very fast.

When I broke up with my first love, I couldn't imagine getting back into the "game" that quick.
There wasn't any cheating involved though (that I know of), so the situation isn't really comparable.

[bjb]

@OP I felt in a similar position back in April when my first love of over three years announced she had been cheating on me for a few weeks. The next five days were a living hell, I couldn't see past the tears...everything I had ever loved suddenly came to an end. She was my best friend. On the six day she left me (mentally), once I knew there was nothing between us her existence left my thoughts. I joined a dating site and within a week I had been on three dates...the last of which is my current partner of three (fantastic) months. In short, with every end there is a beginning.

This a good story. Love can happen again. You just have to be open to the idea, instead of lamenting on the past.

[spindashing]

I thought that I would marry my first love. I'm not sure if she was open to that idea, but then again we were both teens and did not even know what "life" truly was. We were together for a whole year; the year started out great as most relationships do, but the latter half of the year was probably the worst months of my life. We fought every day about pointless crap, and although I did not want to admit it, I could feel her "not loving" me as much as I loved her.

We broke up eventually, with her giving me the classic, "But, can we be friends? Maybe after a bit away from each other, we'll get back together."

Naively, I agreed to it and actually believed that we would get back together. I talked to her everyday, but the relationship felt empty for lack of a better word. Then, I noticed that she took interest in other guys not too long after our break up and even eventually dated one. I became miserable seeing her with another man. So miserable that I didn't care about myself anymore. I didn't shave, I didn't get haircuts, and I let my weight almost reach the 300lbs mark. It also had an effect on my college grades, unfortunately.

After wallowing in that for a while, I realized that I couldn't keep living this way. I forget what made me open my eyes to this day, but whatever it is, I'm eternally grateful to it. Eventually, I cut off my relationship with that girl. She noticed that I was doing so too, and eventually got mad at me for wanting to avoid her, but I didn't care. Blocked and removed her from AIM, removed her from skype, removed her from Facebook, etc. It's been years since then, and I've only spoke to her once about a mutual friend of ours.

I shaved, I got a haircut, I started working out, I made new friends, and now I am happy and I've never been so happy in my whole life. I'm also seeing a nice girl who, looking back, is even better than my first love in every category imaginable.

So, you can find love again. It is cliche, but there is a lot of other fish in the sea.

[YoungHav]

There's a reason its called your first love and not your last love. You'll be fine within a year.

[Omegasquash]

I thought that I would marry my first love.

Heh, there's lots of us that did. Hell I was two steps shy of telling her that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with when she dropped the bomb that she wanted to see other people.

You'll get past it, OP. It's a bitch, but you'll get past it.

[nVidiot_Whore]

There definitely seems to be a huge variety in people's capability of "getting over" someone, that's despite all of the comments acting like we are all the same.

Some of you need some help, and I mean that in the nicest way. Self esteem issues.

[bjb]

There definitely seems to be a huge variety in people's capability of "getting over" someone, that's despite all of the comments acting like we are all the same. Some of you need some help, and I mean that in the nicest way. Self esteem issues.

The irony.

I swear every time I see you post it's one obnoxious blanket statement after the other.

[mooooose]

Some of you need some help, and I mean that in the nicest way. Self esteem issues.

What do you mean?

[nVidiot_Whore]

What do you mean?

I just mean if it's taking months or years to get over someone, then you need to do some soul searching about yourself... you probably have some self esteem issues.

My point simply is not everyone here appears to be int he same bucket, and I think it's almost dangerous to state that it's all normal behavior. Months or years of heartache can really weight on someone's psyche and mental health, and people would be better off taking care of their mental issues before it get's that far.

The irony. I swear every time I see you post it's one obnoxious blanket statement after the other.

Non specific attack on my character.. par for the course. Where am I spouting these blanket statements? A good chunk of my posts are attempting to state not everyone is the same.. so not sure how you could draw that conclusion.

Not putting anyone down for the blanket statements.. just think they are ignoring the extent to which some people here express heartbreak is indicative of something deeper than basic heartbreak.

I am seriously disliked around here.. not sure where I rubbed half of the forum the wrong way, LOL. Oh well.

[mooooose]

I have serious self esteem issues so...

Going to therapy in a half hour.

[nVidiot_Whore]

I have serious self esteem issues so... Going to therapy in a half hour.

Word. You seem well aware of your issues.

[spindashing]

I just mean if it's taking months or years to get over someone, then you need to do some soul searching about yourself... you probably have some self esteem issues.

It's true. I realized at the time of my own problems that I did and do have some lingering self esteem issues, and I won't ever deny that.

But, things do get better. I'm totally fine where I am at now, with a girl who loves me wholly. In the best shape of my life, too.

[Puddles]

I just mean if it's taking months or years to get over someone, then you need to do some soul searching about yourself... you probably have some self esteem issues.

Okay, years sure, but months? I'd bet that plenty of people take at least 2 months to get over a really serious relationship if they didn't initiate the breakup.

[Canis lupus]

I have serious self esteem issues so... Going to therapy in a half hour.

Hope therapy helps for you mate.

[nVidiot_Whore]

Okay, years sure, but months? I'd bet that plenty of people take at least 2 months to get over a really serious relationship if they didn't initiate the breakup.

It's subjective really. I'm just making a basic statement that I think some are taking this too lightly.

I'll just say this, at risk of making a blanket statement to fulfil bjp's irony quota: Those who have the hardest time with breakups often end up getting broken up with a lot.

The reason, IMO, is because they get their self esteem from relationships.. and that is a flimsy basis for happiness, and eventually their partners feel too much pressure and end up distancing themselves from the situation.

I'm not saying every single person here falls into that category.. or even everyone who has taken months to "get over" someone.. I'm just saying it sounds like some are, and I think statements like "Don't worry, you'll find someone someday" don't really help THOSE people.. as being depressed because they are alone is a big part of the problem.

If that's not you, you have nothing to worry about.. but I think at least some people here are in that boat, and are destined to have a series of failed relationships if they don't start getting more self worth from themselves.

It's a balance. I get an immense amount of happiness from my relationship, but I'm also secure in the fact that I'm a happy person single as well.. which wasn't always true of myself.

[eudaemonic]

It's hard entering a new relationship when the old one knew so many things about you - so many things you didn't have to worry about. It was comfortable even if it wasn't perfect.

Then... you end up having to prioritize the masks. You have to keep better tabs on who you appear to be because no one wants to be rejected right away because they're being themselves. Sure, some people don't give a fuck but if you have self esteem issues - it matters big time.

(At least these things went through my head.)

It's scary. But I think the better you understand yourself and how to approach it, you'll be alright. Be honest too. I'm glad you're going to therapy. And don't set unknown expectations for yourself when it comes to getting over her and expecting when you'll find someone else. You'll figure it out someday as long as you want to figure it out.

[GungHo]

I'm going to assume this wasn't a joke post, and I identify enough to answer seriously, so...

I took her out on a date and was mad that she didn't get really dressed up for the date and ended up berating her VERY badly (I ended up calling her a fucking twat while she sat there in dismay, she is a very quiet person and I am loud and curse often). Her parents found out through her neighbors hearing this (and my apology and explanation that her getting dressed up was her showing me how much she cared, and I was insecure and doubting that). Her parents encouraged, then forced her to break up with me.

Yeah, if I was her daddy, I'd probably have been pretty direct with you about how disappointed I was that someone called my little girl a twat. No amount of personal insecurity, emotional immaturity, or mutual combat makes that ok.

How do I move on? Is it even worth keeping the chance in the back of my mind? When should I reopen contact? I want to already. But I know she can't and won't answer.

Go to your therapy, follow the treatment plan, and learn to be a good human being alone before you contemplate being a good human being with another woman.

When you do seek out someone else, you should find someone who does not also have a dependency issue, otherwise you may well end up on the same spiral... there are reasons they ask/require parolees not to associate with other felons and for addicts not to associate with addicts.

I just don't think I'll ever move on.

If you continue to write posts/have thoughts like this, no, you won't. Get off the computer and do something else besides check on her status and talk about how bummed you are about it.

I guess I should also say, she had a lot of issues as well.

This is an excuse. You need to stop making them. Moreover, if she has her own problems, two unhealthy people do not add up to one healthy person, much less two.

I realize my tone is not sympathetic... I actually am sympathetic. I've been where you are as an asshole boyfriend. But, I didn't get better by people excusing my bullshit... especially when I was one of the people excusing my bullshit. Passive-agressive (and agressive-agressive) narcissism is a hard monkey to get of your back, but it can be done.

Good luck.

[mooooose]

It's weird that me mentioning she had her own problems is immediately me not taking responsibility... my therapist said I take way too much guilt and responsibility and that it takes "two to tango", and based on how I describe everything, she clearly has a lot of insecurities and her own emotional baggage that led to this. While I accept what I've done, I only said that to show WHY she enabled my behavior, and HOW we got there: because we were both codependent emotional abusers.

[bjb]

It's weird that me mentioning she had her own problems is immediately me not taking responsibility... my therapist said I take way too much guilt and responsibility and that it takes "two to tango", and based on how I describe everything, she clearly has a lot of insecurities and her own emotional baggage that led to this. While I accept what I've done, I only said that to show WHY she enabled my behavior, and HOW we got there: because we were both codependent emotional abusers.

Sounds like your Therapist knows their stuff. In the end, you can't truly love someone (in a healthy fashion) until you deal with your issues and love yourself.

[mooooose]

It's sad because even though my ex goes to a psychiatrist I think she is really shitty (based on the fact that she's been going to her for two years and has been consistently unhappy and only a handful of times spoken about her helpfulness), and I'm learning a lot about the way she is, and I feel the need to share with her and hope she can get better too. I hope she gets better.

[bjb]

It's sad because even though my ex goes to a psychiatrist I think she is really shitty (based on the fact that she's been going to her for two years and has been consistently unhappy and only a handful of times spoken about her helpfulness), and I'm learning a lot about the way she is, and I feel the need to share with her and hope she can get better too. I hope she gets better.

Do not share anything with her. The more you try and contact her or talk about the past, it's only going to push her away. You said your peace and dealt your cards. She said no. Now is the time to move on. Focus on your own life and have an open mind to meeting new people (and girls).

The only way the two of you will ever get back together is with time. Even that chance is very slim. You're only 20 man. This isn't the end of your story. Write a new chapter. Do not let another person who walked out of your life dictate what it's going to be. Therefore you have two options:

A). Wait around and be miserable while she potentially moves on. Which will have set you back months of healing.

B). Stop thinking about her and worry about you.

It's much easier said than done, but you can get there. I've been there man I know. I'm still single two months out, but I no longer wake up or spend most of my day with that terrible feeling.

[CPCunha]

My 2 and a half years long relationship came to an end a couple of weeks ago. I know its been said before but it doesn't hurt to get another report...it WILL get easier. I think there's some work involved in the "getting back on tracks" stage...you need to take care of yourself...

I was demolished in the last 3 months of the relationship. I was on her side fighting off her depression and i did all i could to help...i was there for everything, all i wanted was to make things easier on her ' cus i could see she felt life was too tough on her. I took such good care of her and i'm really proud i did help her getting back to work and college...but it was amazingly sad to slowly realize there was no place in her life for a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship...no matter what i tried.

We talked about it, she went through the whole pattern of attacking me> being defensive > feeling horrible and saying "i'm sorry"...and it broke my heart but i knew i was also on my limit. We kept in contact the first week but she eventually had a minor breakdown, after which she told me she needed me to disappear basically... and i was crushed again.

But i'm here telling you, look inside and find it in you the moments where you can say "i was AWESOME to her" and then you'll know you WILL be awesome to someone else.


ps. SalsaShark, if i ever go to Uruguay (i'm Brazilian so it's not a stretch, Montevideo sounds like a kickass city) i'm counting on you to act as a wing man.

[mooooose]

Yeah I'm not talking to her. I feel better knowing it couldn't have been all my fault and that regardless of how much I try to fix things, they just might not work anyway because of her. I know I would only change because I knew something was wrong. I don't know if she recognizes her problems, I didn't even and still don't. It's a very sad situation.

[Devolution]

Yeah I'm not talking to her. I feel better knowing it couldn't have been all my fault and that regardless of how much I try to fix things, they just might not work anyway because of her. I know I would only change because I knew something was wrong. I don't know if she recognizes her problems, I didn't even and still don't. It's a very sad situation.

At some point she will and she'll have to cope with them just like you are trying to do.

[mooooose]

Went on her OKCupid profile for no real reason other than to be a creep. Saw it said "Seeing Someone". Today was a really big day for progress... it didn't hurt that bad. I still feel okay. My stomach sank and my heart ached but my head isn't ready to cry. All my thoughts are coming together and there is really nothing I can do anymore.

[2AdEPT]

Yeah, the whole twat thing is pretty evident that the relationship was over. I'm just confused by the whole "her shrink told her not to be friends with me" jazz. That sounds completely unethical, as a psychiatrists job is to let people come to realizations, not flat out tell them things to do. Weird... Edit: I also understand the fact that they can give advice and say things like, "well that doesnt sound like a healthy situation". Is it that she decided she didn't want to be with you and was using the psychiatrist for deflection?

Its likley because the girl told her psychiatrist that she was glad the abuse has stopped but now feels guilty.......the doc is just making an assessment based on what the patient says....if it sounds genuine, then they will help them make the right decision....diesn't sound like the girl was waffling.....just feeling guilty about making the best decision for herself.

Yeah I know this site attracts a lot of old and young people.....I am OLD. I started out young once though.....idealized all my dates...pretended each one was the "the one" until she dumped me from the pressure........the minute I dated just to have fun and meet new people without the pressure of fiinding "the one" I actually found someone. Theh worst thing that can happpen to someone is to fall in love and get married to their high school sweetheart (if that is harsh to those that are hsappy with that...its ok.) BUt for those like the OP I really feel bad. After about 5 serious relationships over 10 years I finally got marrriede at 35......this is actually rare for my friends...most of them, including my wife before she met me, got divorced at least once.

Hate to sound cliche, but old people know best....there really are a lot of fish in the sea, time really does heal all wounds, you really are a person worth improving yourself for, and last but not least......its ok to be single......maybe forever. If you really believe that llast one though.....you will have so many high quality dates to choose from your problem will choosing just one to date seriously for a while. Just remember none of themwill be your previous date, but can and should be just as interesting and caring people.

Take a short time to grieve.....like maybe a weekend....then get on the horse and neet new people on line...don't judge them basedon their profile...these are real people that look different than their pics (often better in person) as hot chicks wisely never show their stuff on the profile; and the best or worst personalities WILL be able to write their messages to you in a way that exposes nothing more than what would be expected of a good journalist. My wife put up shitty pics of herself, dressed like shit for our first date....didn't speak for 20 minutes cause she was pissed I gve her my $1000 Arai motorcycle helmet instead of the newer looking but shitty GLC $250 one, and when she complained I was a little on the skinny side I showed her my 8 pack rightin the restaurant as I finally had enough with people judging me by my looks (was actually a high performance distance runner) and basically it could not have gone much worse. She warmed up after the expose.....and I gav her a peck onthe cheeck just in case there was a second date(didn't think so ...didn't care...but trested it like a business and didn't burn any bridge) She said she would have cancelled the date when we drove close to her house but she couldn't communicate withthe helmet on...abd definitely did not think she woould say yes to a second date....but it was easter and she was asian and didn't know mnay people in Canada and I happened to remeber she siad she was pretty much alone with a 7 year old son so I invited them over for easter dinner to my apartment. My sisters were there and my mom and they all hit it off.....I played computer games with the son.....but couldn't keep my eyes off the date as she lookked WAAAAAY better than she did on the date....she admitted later she did this onpurpose as she didn't want any first date to be all about looks. Anyway, the rest was history......

.....I really do know how you feel as I was an intense emotional person starting out and when i got dumped the first time.....it hit hard....dug in deeper when i was stupid enough to set up a valentines date online in a city 2.5 hours away...and it was a no show....felt pretty low......but that is all behind me. I lovemy wife a lotbut if it fell appart I know I could pick it up again as all my friends have....sometimes more than once.

Keep your head up and I promise you will think fondly of your ex, but will bethankful for who you end up with inthe end.

[Kong Fisso]

Go out, get drunk with friends, hook up with a random girl.

I know it sounds too easy. This is the correct way to deal with a break up. Serious

[mooooose]

So both their profiles were changed to "seeing someone". I immediately closed my account and gave my contact info to the girls I was talking to, and blocked the site from my computer.

I don't want to know anymore.

Hopefully my best friend (who I've seen every day for a couple hours this past week, is that bad?) will be available tonight and my other friend, I just need something to get my mind off this shit and I don't have a car.

[BreakyBoy]

I've only read the OP, but I'll just pitch in a bit here.

Although things ended differently for me, I can sympathize with your plight OP. I had a high-school sweetheart that turned into my first love, and I actually did propose to her, and we did run off, and all that. We also were very co-dependent and spent a lot of time leaning on each other to deal with our own personal issues, instead of growing up and facing them head on.

The details might be different, but the story sounds to me to be much the same as yours. So, I'm not going to make this long.

Your respective therapists are right, you shouldn't see each other. It's not healthy for either one of you.

You will move on, despite how you may feel now. Having lurked Dating-GAF before I'm sure you're already inundated with (both good and bad) advice. Just keep going to therapy, and whatever you decide to do, just keep doing it. Keep trying. Don't wallow in your own misery.

As for me, long story short, it's been almost ten years now. I'm 29. I've fallen in love again. That didn't work out either, but for completely different reasons. I date occasionally, but not particularly often. Mostly because I enjoy working on my own things more than pursuing the companionship of others. I have plenty to complain about, like any normal person, but overall, I'm happy with my life. You will be too.

Just don't wallow. Move forward.

[mooooose]

The fact that she is in a relationship and happy leaves me feeling defeated but like there is only one road to take. I never saw this day coming. I still think the situation is stupid but she's happy so whatever.

[nVidiot_Whore]

So both their profiles were changed to "seeing someone". I immediately closed my account and gave my contact info to the girls I was talking to, and blocked the site from my computer. I don't want to know anymore. Hopefully my best friend (who I've seen every day for a couple hours this past week, is that bad?) will be available tonight and my other friend, I just need something to get my mind off this shit and I don't have a car.

You probably know this already...

But you are much better off just being able to deal with it, then trying to ignore it.

If you aren't capable right now, that's fine.. but it should be your goal.

[Hoo-doo]

The fact that she is in a relationship and happy leaves me feeling defeated but like there is only one road to take. I never saw this day coming. I still think the situation is stupid but she's happy so whatever.

You fucked up by even checking out her profile. Stop acting like an ass and move on already.

Sorry if i'm coming across a bit harsh, but you need to stop thinking about her and start thinking about yourself.

[Tex117]

I haven't even read this whole thread and there is only one piece of advice that is easy to say and difficult to do that needs to be followed.

NO EFFING CONTACT

No facebook, No twitter, no text, no call, absolutely nothing.

But you keep doing what you are doing with the therapy and all.

But in the end, you must not contact her, and worse, you must not respond when she contacts you.

[jts]

OP, are you me? What the hell.

Also found out 2 days ago that my ex is dating. It's sad because I've always told her that she was breaking up with me to start something with him and she always denied it.

I found out directly from her over the phone, and after an initial overreaction from me, I managed to put myself together and we had a somewhat nice talk. I said I was going to delete/block her from Facebook (no way I'm deleting my own account, lol). I didn't so far though.

After the call was over, went for a drink with a friend, got really depressive. It was harsh to him. Said stuff I shouldn't have said (he went to talk with another friend of ours for an intervention the day after that).

Had a rough night after that too, couldn't manage to sleep properly until early in the morning.

But then... when I woke up, I powered through getting my ass out of bed and meeting my friends. I started to feel fine, started planning my immediate future, and what the hell before I knew it was like nothing happened at all.

I'm starting my masters next semester, signed up as erasmus buddy (great way of knowing interesting people from abroad, had a tonne of fun with erasmus students in the last couple of months) and yeah nothing else matters.

I think I'm over it. It's funny because when my friends did that intervention yesterday, I was feeling totally fine and kinda happy. So awkward.

So yeah OP. I know exactly how you feel. Hell, if I try I can get to that zone again too. But there's no point really. You love her, she doesn't love you. You can feel defeated but you were the one that kept true to that relationship and to all the great moments you guys had. You were the last to quit. You won. No go find another match to play.

[Mully]

Exes are going to date. You and your ex are going to try and move on at some point. Just accept that people are going to do their own thing. Focus on what you need to do to become a better person for yourself.

Here are the guidelines after a breakup:

- No contact.
- Reflect on what you can do to make yourself better/happier.
- Accept that it's over.
- Never have hope that things could change.
- Don't force yourself back into the game.
- Forget about the breakup/Don't tell everyone the breakup story.

There's a small chance things may change but it's not going to happen until you are yourself again. If you don't do any of these things in the list above, it's going to be a long time until you're yourself again.

[ZombieFred]

Exes are going to date. You and your ex are going to try and move on at some point. Just accept that people are going to do their own thing. Focus on what you need to do to become a better person for yourself. Here are the guidelines after a breakup: - No contact. - Reflect on what you can do to make yourself better/happier. - Accept that it's over. - Never have hope that things could change. - Don't force yourself back into the game. - Forget about the breakup/Don't tell everyone the breakup story. There's a small chance things may change but it's not going to happen until you are yourself again. If you don't do any of these things in the list above, it's going to be a long time until you're yourself again.

This is solid advice. I am really feeling liberated and truly happy I am moving on completely and feel great about myself doing it. I have no more communication or ties with my ex as well from a similar situation and the best thing was accepting who you are and reflecting on the future knowing that everything is not as hard people think it is. You will find someone again and you will be happy in love. It's always the case, you just need to go out there and enjoy yourself and let things happen.

Whoever suggest watching Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is a fucking genius for people coming out of bad breakups and want to relate to something so they can be ready to move on. I'd highly suggest this by far.

Keep looking forward and look out for yourself first and foremost. It's time to go out and do new things and make new friends, improve on yourself and be happy knowing the future can get better from here if you know that.

[mooooose]

Whatever. Time to swag it out. If things work they work. If they don't, I'm moving on. I feel it inside today.

Eternal Sunshine was my favorite movie and I showed it to my ex and actually gave it to her for our first christmas. It makes me sad to watch it. Also, I tried watching it after we broke up but the entire time I was just wishing we could relive our relationship too hahaha.

[ZombieFred]

Whatever. Time to swag it out. If things work they work. If they don't, I'm moving on. I feel it inside today.

Go and watch Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

[Kong Fisso]

watching eternal sunshine is a shit idea.

the great idea is still getting drunk with friends and hooking up with someone random.

[nVidiot_Whore]

- Forget about the breakup/Don't tell everyone the breakup story.

This is a good one.

One of the last times I was broken up with, I didn't even tell my friends.

Just sort of went on with my day/week. I haven't been "broken up with" that many times (3 overall I think) but it was the easiest.

Obviously they eventually found out or realized it had happened, but treating it like it wasn't a big deal.. actually made it less of a big deal.

[HiiiLife]

My girl and I split almost a month ago. Tough shit. I feel your pain OP.

[ZombieFred]

watching eternal sunshine is a shit idea. the great idea is still getting drunk with friends and hooking up with someone random.

It's a great way to start things in my opinion, but your suggestion is even better, but if you are indoors and it's late and got nothing to do then that film is a great thing to do.

[Mully]

I'd also like to point out that having the "It's meant to, it's meant to be" motto in the back of your head is probably the worst thing you can do. It's really poisonous for you to think that no matter what you're going to be with that person. Make your own decisions. Don't let other people get in the way. It's over, and if things do work out it was not meant to be. It just means that you're attracted to that person again for a different set of reasons.

[bjb]

I'd also like to point out that having the "It's meant to, it's meant to be" motto in the back of your head is probably the worst thing you can do. It's really poisonous for you to think that no matter what you're going to be with that person. Make your own decisions. Don't let other people get in the way. It's over, and if things do work out it was not meant to be. It just means that you're attracted to that person again for a different set of reasons.

This is a really great post. That mentality is nice to think about at first, but ultimately it will hinder you from completely moving on. Especially if there's any contact taking place between you and your ex. Trust me I know.

[mooooose]

Would it be a horrible idea to Facebook message her parents a letter apologizing? I always meant to do it over a phone call or ideally in real life but the opportunity never presented itself and has now passed. I'm not looking for their approval or forgiveness, it just bothers me if they don't understand how much I appreciated their years of hospitality and how truly sorry and grief stricken I am over the situation. I would really regret not ever formally apologizing directly to them. Should I do it?

[fmpanda]

Would it be a horrible idea to Facebook message her parents a letter apologizing? I always meant to do it over a phone call or ideally in real life but the opportunity never presented itself and has now passed. I'm not looking for their approval or forgiveness, it just bothers me if they don't understand how much I appreciated their years of hospitality and how truly sorry and grief stricken I am over the situation. I would really regret not ever formally apologizing directly to them. Should I do it?

Nope, I wouldn't bother. At this point they're not going to understand your appreciation towards them as all that they see now is a screwed-up person who royally screwed up their daughter, no matter how much you actively try to better yourself and in the future actually become the man you are supposed to be. It happens. File the Parents under the "No Contact" clause good sir.