[KevinCow]

i've been thinking about it a lot lately

my life is kinda shit and i suck at everything and i'm sick of it

and i can't even tell my family or therapist because they'd probably freak and try to lock me up in a mental institution again

because locking me up with a bunch of legit crazies and drug addicts in a place where all my free will is taken away, that did wonders for my depression the last few times

especially last time, when it was pretty much the entire year i was 17

cuz that's a pretty great way to remember becoming an adult

everyone else is all, "yeah, when i turned 18, i got a car, or i did some awesome shit with my friends!"

and i'm all, "yeah, when i turned 18, i got to finally check myself out of the mental hospital i was forced to stay at against my will!"


i probably don't actually have the balls to ever actually do it though

cuz i don't have the balls to do fucking anything

hey how about applying for a job? nope, too much of a pussy to do that because they might say no and confirm my suspicion that i'm useless and unemployable

how about talking to that girl? nope, too much of a pussy to do that because she'll probably get mad at me and point out the fact that i'm fat and ugly and disgusting and boring and annoying and have no chance with any girl ever

how about talking to anyone to try to make friends? nope, too much of a pussy to do that. i'm lucky that i stumbled into having a handful of friends right now by pure luck

how about doing literally anything with your life at all? nope, because i might fail on account of i am a failure and i tend to fail at everything

so instead i'm just gonna slowly eat everything and get fat to death

i'm supposed to be getting some stomach surgery next month to help me lose weight because i'm such a failure that i can't lose weight on my own. they're supposed to cut off most of my stomach so i just have about the size of a banana left. but i'll probably fail at that too. i can barely fucking feed myself now, how can i expect to feed myself when i'm supposed to have a really specialized diet

but i'm such a failure and an idiot that i can't even be grateful for this opportunity

and meanwhile i'm just leeching money from my parents even though they're kinda broke too


i don't even know why i'm posting this

i'm just sick of everything and depressed

those of you who manage to live your lives without being complete failures like me, you have no idea how jealous I am

i mean i can't even be a decent fucking poster on gaf, and that's like the one thing i try to do

i get stupid and emotional and defensive about stupid fucking words on my stupid fucking computer screen, and then i post stupid bullshit


anyway go ahead and tell me how much of a loser i am for making this stupid thread and being fat and ugly and a 24 year old virgin and how selfish and stupid i am for being depressed and thinking of killing myself, i know you guys are pretty good at that and enjoy doing it

[foodtaster]

never. single dumbest move possible

[Robot Pants]

don't do it

[Eric Walton]

wanna talk on the phone

[Flying_Phoenix]

Suicide is never the answer.

[blixa]

all the time..

[Dicer]

It's crossed my mind from time to time, but then I realize there is always SOMETHING to live for...

Chin up man, don't do it

[Navidson REC]

DUDE, we JUST landed on MARS.

This is no time for this.

Anyway, I think many people have thought about it at some point. Maybe just out of curiosity.

[Dark Phoenix]

Don't do it man.

[Kad5]

I used to wanna kill myself.

Needless to say I stopped giving a fuck about stupid shit and now i'm relatively popular with a girlfriend.

So don't do it. It's never "the end" until your time has truly come.

[sphagnum]

It used to cross my mind a lot in college, but then I met my current girlfriend and I haven't thought about it since.

[Eric Walton]

I sent you my cell.. Wake me up when/if you wanna talk

[Omzz]

Not that I have ever considered it, but I would be lying that it hasn't crossed my mind.

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I continue going out of spite sometimes. It helps. Sometimes. As for killing myself... I dunno. Not really. Sometimes I wonder, but I don't actually wanna kill myself.

I've experienced that kind of low mood like you, but it passes. Hopefully it passes for you. Maybe going to a place that will help you would actually be a good thing. Maybe you should tell your therapist.

[ZROCOOL]

I haven't. And you shouldn't either

[ChuyMasta]

Can I have your stuff?

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

Never.

Talking to your therapist is the best thing you could do. You have one for situations like this.

[Misguided]

Every day. I don't want to, I love my life. But I can't help it if the thought just pops into my head.

Also lol Kevincow

Edit: Go to therapy, dude. Don't be afraid. Failure is nothing to fear. It's just a block. You can do anything. I'm sure that girl would love for you to talk to her.

[Vic]

Maybe once every six months. Not necessarily thinking about killing myself, more being depressed about where I am at that point in my life.

[Pizarro]

A lot. It seems like a great bargain, when you feel like that. But honestly living until your time is up is an even greater one. Think about it: one day you could wake up and not want to do it, but it'll be too late cause you ended your life.

Kev: That's actually just how I feel, except at an earlier stage. I always ask myself, "why am I on this fucking planet??. I regret being conceived and allowing myself to get up every day, but there's always hope man. That's what keeps you from ending the whole charade. Tomorrow.might be a better day, who knows. You through some fluke might decide you're tired of being nothing and decide to try being something. The person you hate the most may die. That could be an eye opener. I myself am not there yet, but there will always be hope.

[KevinCow]

to be fair, locking me up in a mental institution did wonders for my ability to hide my anger and depression

now i just bottle it up until i can't take it anymore

probably not healthy but at least it doesn't get me locked up in mental institutions anymore

[cousins]

Occasionally.

[BocoDragon]

Stick with the book. It gets interesting. You are now in the chapter where you "eat shit", to make the chapter where you "win it all" that much more sweet.

[Hasardeur]

life offers too many opportunities

[Log4Girlz]

Pretty often. I won't go through with it until certain conditions are met.

[DonMigs85]

This is a side of KevinCow I never knew.
Hang in there, man. Count whatever blessings you have.

[fredrancour]

I kind of wonder about it daily in a bitter "I wonder how'd people react" way. I've only sincerely thought about it in a way with any actual significance. Then I remember the time I almost drowned and dying is scary again.

I always have that second voice in the back of my mind that acknowledges the primary voice is irrational but the actual me still doesn't give a fuck (just like I am with my other depressive symptoms).

I don't think I'm pessimistic enough to actually do it though. It's just a bad idea. These things are always momentary. Even huge life problems can be worked out eventually. Please don't do it. Pick one area of unhappiness and start with that.

[Flying_Phoenix]

Honestly I'd say get help. Talk to that therapist again and specifically state that you do not want to go to a home.

I sent you my cell.. Wake me up when/if you wanna talk

Well that's generous for a stranger.

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

What's that thing they say about failure? I dunno, if I do a search, it gives me some Churchill quotes.

Failure's just a part of life, man. You can't be scared to fail. How else will you learn and grow stronger from your experiences? If you remain static and stagnant, isn't that the real failure? You have to try. Even if you fail, you have to keep going, pushing through.

[Navidson REC]

to be fair, locking me up in a mental institution did wonders for my ability to hide my anger and depression now i just bottle it up until i can't take it anymore probably not healthy but at least it doesn't get me locked up in mental institutions anymore

That's not what you should be doing. I get that you don't want to go there again, but you should definitely not repress your emotions. Talk about it. Find someone you can trust or just anyone and to talk to them about it.

You're not alone with this. Not at all.

[Ken]

When I get sad I like to think about kalbi.

[disappeared]

It's not worth it, my friend.

I tried it once, and I'm still living in its shadow. Not to mention I still owe ~$15,000 for the car I totaled in the process.

[Bombadil]

Whenever I think about killing myself, I decide instead to kill who I am by completely changing who I am.

I get a buzzcut. I take a shower, I put on fresh clothes. I leave my house and go somewhere I've never been. It doesn't have to be a different country, just a place I've never been to. I change not just how I look but my surroundings as well because I feel that the combination of these elements is not working. So I must start fresh.

Never kill yourself, just kill who you are. Hating yourself is fine. Pinpoint all the things about yourself that you don't like. And change those things. Change the way you look, the way you dress, the way you speak. Change your routine, change your environment, change your hobbies (or get one if you don't have one). Pick a subject and learn everything you can about it.

That is my advice.

[grap3fruitman]

Everyday.

[Tashi]

Once in a while. Not because I don't enjoy my life but because I'm curious to know what comes next and also what it would be like without me. I don't know.

[LeBrick James]

Hang in there. As unhappy as you are now, think about those who care about you. Also think about how stupid it would be to die having done nothing with your life. At 24, you've obviously got tons of time to turn things around.

[entrement]

Everything you're struggling with is within your control to change.

Girls: Be friendly, work on getting fit, ask girls out.

Job: Take courses, ask for feedback at work, maybe go back to school if you need to change careers

Friends: Go online; meetup.com, volunteer, etc.

Mental health: Go see a therapist

etc.

When you feel you don't feel have any control in your life and you're not making progress, it is very simple to start getting depressed. I've been there.

Start small. It's all about momentum.

[ViewtifulJC]

Never.

I think there's a depression thread for this sad-sack stuff.

[Maddocks]

Once in a while. Not because I don't enjoy my life but because I'm curious to know what comes next and also what it would be like without me. I don't know.

I'm the same way. I love my life, but I am curious whats next after this.

[Gradivus]

Never.

Don't think about doing it, you shouldn't give up on your life.

[jb1234]

Frequently. My quality of life is very low. Can't work, in a great deal of pain all the time, I might have to move back in with my mom because I can no longer pay the bills and I'm unable to pursue my passions. But despite all this, there is still hope. There is always hope. Don't give up now.

[IrishNinja]

Can I have your stuff?

classy, right here

[Zekes!]

literally every day between the ages 6-20 OP

[T Dollarz]

Honestly, I think about it sometimes. But it's never a serious thought, more like a "what if." I know I'm too much of a coward to actually do anything. Please don't do this.

[DarkHeartedKill]

Can I have your stuff?

Why can I imagine you doing what your avatar is doing while asking this question in real life?


Anyways, I've contemplated it a lot, but then realized doing so would take a huge toll on all my friends and family, and I, no matter what I'm going through would want them to go through such a horrible event. I know everyone says this, but it's because it's true, suicide is not the answer, it never is. I have a friend who lost a very close friend of hers due to suicide. She tries to mask and be happy, but whenever someone mentions something that reminds her of her, you can see she gets depressed. It takes a toll on everyone you know. No matter what hardships you're going through it's going to pass, don't worry, everyone has their ups and downs, some have lower downs, but that just means they'll have even higher ups when it comes round. So hang in there, and you'll see. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk bro.

[KevinCow]

Stick with the book. It gets interesting. You are now in the chapter where you "eat shit", to make the chapter where you "win it all" that much more sweet.

everyone always says it gets better

i even say it to people sometimes

but it doesn't

it's a lie

things don't get better

you are who you are

if you're neurotic and depressed and fucked up in the head like me, things don't get better

at best, they stay the same

but they'll probably just get worse

[Surface of Me]

Everynow and then I think about it. Sometimes I think of setting an age at, where if life hasn't gotten better, to just do it then.

[CO_Andy]

You didn't came here to be heckled. You came for guidance.

Try applying at a temp agency. They'll hire anybody, and should be a good start if you can't find permanent work.

Persistence is the key to everything in life. Remember that well.

[Eschaton]

Can I have your stuff?

you are an awful poster


TO OP. Hang in there. If you need someone to talk to, please PM :(

[Navidson REC]

Once in a while. Not because I don't enjoy my life but because I'm curious to know what comes next and also what it would be like without me. I don't know.

HaloGAF would miss you.

But, yeah, that's an interesting thought that also crosses my mind every once in a while.