NeoGAF

Salvor.Hardin · 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by BigNastyCurve:

Get bent. I can have preferences just like everyone else. I would still love my son if something like this occurred.

Do you watch porn? If you do, you've already seen more cock than 99% of human beings ever. The day you stop watching random Californian bro cocks is the day you can have that preference.

Clydefrog · (08-08-2012, 10:17 PM)

Heartbreaking.

bangladesh · (08-08-2012, 10:17 PM)

How the hell can a sane human father think this way? This is so stupid.

corn_fest · (08-08-2012, 10:18 PM)

Originally Posted by BigNastyCurve:

If it took it personally then I apologize. It seemed like baiting to me and I didn't appreciate that. Is it ok to not want my son to be gay? Is that allowed? If some people want to be gay that's not for me to decide, but can't I have a preference as a parent?

smh

Richfield · (08-08-2012, 10:18 PM)

I thought the handwriting was fine, could at least understand every word.

Count Dookkake · (08-08-2012, 10:18 PM)

Originally Posted by bangladesh:

How the hell can a sane human father think this way? This is so stupid.

That's an easy one to answer.

The man is not sane. He is operating under a delusion.

Frost_Ace · (08-08-2012, 10:18 PM)

And this is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents :(

gatti-man · (08-08-2012, 10:18 PM)

Originally Posted by Volimar:

When I was in high school an older friend of mine came out to his father and was disowned and kicked out of the home as well. He lost his mother to cancer when he was little and his father was really his only family. He spent more than 6 months incredibly depressed and homeless. His friends would hold late night parties every weekend and we'd trick him into staying over, because he felt like he deserved to be homeless because of his father's disappointment.. As his 18th birthday drew near he seemed like he was doing better, but after he went home on his birthday, his father told him that if he saw him again he'd shoot him. He wrote a few letters and went back to the house, waiting for his father to leave. When he had, my friend broke in and shot himself with his father's gun.

RIP Jason.

That is unbelievably tragic.

JiuJitsuka · (08-08-2012, 10:19 PM)

Originally Posted by BigNastyCurve:

Get bent. I can have preferences just like everyone else. I would still love my son if something like this occurred.

well said =/ . everyone should represent his own views, as long he does not hurt others mentally, emotionally or physically.

darthbob · (08-08-2012, 10:20 PM)

I wouldn't even refer to the father here as 'dad' anymore, just biological father.

Mercury Fred · (08-08-2012, 10:20 PM)

Originally Posted by BigNastyCurve:

Get bent. I can have preferences just like everyone else. I would still love my son if something like this occurred.

You help situations like the one in the OP happen. Congrats.

Gaborn · (08-08-2012, 10:20 PM)

Originally Posted by JiuJitsuka:

well said =/ . everyone should represent his own views, as long he does not hurt others mentally, emotionally or physically.

How would you feel if your father told you they didn't "approve" of you dating someone from another race?

BigNastyCurve · (08-08-2012, 10:20 PM)

Originally Posted by Gaborn:

That's fine, you don't HAVE to know how you'd react. It is something to think about though. I think you should remember though if your son does grow up to be gay or bi and does meet another guy... that's part of his family and you will need to accept it.

Again, I will face those things like every other human being - when they come into my life. I'm sure that by the time my son understands his sexuality I will have thought through these things. As a matter of fact, letters like the one in the OP help me think them through so for that I'm thankful for them.

Originally Posted by Mercury Fred:

You help situations like the one in the OP happen. Congrats.

Do tell.

EatinOlives · (08-08-2012, 10:20 PM)

Originally Posted by Volimar:

When I was in high school an older friend of mine came out to his father and was disowned and kicked out of the home as well. He lost his mother to cancer when he was little and his father was really his only family. He spent more than 6 months incredibly depressed and homeless. His friends would hold late night parties every weekend and we'd trick him into staying over, because he felt like he deserved to be homeless because of his father's disappointment.. As his 18th birthday drew near he seemed like he was doing better, but after he went home on his birthday, his father told him that if he saw him again he'd shoot him. He wrote a few letters and went back to the house, waiting for his father to leave. When he had, my friend broke in and shot himself with his father's gun.

RIP Jason.

You just ruined my day :(

Alucrid · (08-08-2012, 10:21 PM)

I hope the son has had and continues to have a happy and fulfilling life in spite of this.

Willkiller · (08-08-2012, 10:21 PM)

Originally Posted by Salvor.Hardin:

Do you watch porn? If you do, you've already seen more cock than 99% of all of human beings ever. The day you stop watching random Californian bro cocks is the day you can have that preference.

This is the single most rediculous post I've read all year on Gaf

dude · (08-08-2012, 10:21 PM)

Originally Posted by Perspicacity:

I think it's a fair question. If you really love your son then shouldn't his happiness dictate your "preference". No one was insulting or demeaning towards you, we just genuinely want to understand your mindset.

Okay, I'm going to use a metaphor, I personally do not believe most of it.
To him, it's probably the same as if his child made a decision he disagreed with (because I assume he thinks being gay is a choice), like, let's say, your daughter getting into porn. You'd probably not approve, but you wouldn't stop loving her and you wouldn't ignore her or anything like that, you'd just probably wouldn't want her to talk about it with you and such. I hope you now understand his mindset.

Koomaster · (08-08-2012, 10:21 PM)

Some dads are humans you happen to share a lot of dna with. Other real men are fathers where it matters. It's a shame we can't all have the latter.

surly · (08-08-2012, 10:21 PM)

Originally Posted by ElTopo:

I'm honestly shocked at this. As a Christian I wish I could find words to apologize for such a hateful behaviour.

What have you got to apologise for? You're not to blame if other people don't understand their own religion and its teachings.

i-Lo · (08-08-2012, 10:22 PM)

As sad as it is, if the guy can sustain himself then it is best for him to move on. The final response is out and at least his dad had the courtesy to not pretend to love him just so he could try to change his son's sexual orientation (which is not a life style choice) by taking him to church or other back patting BS.

There is the truth and no hope of reconciliation. In his twilight years, the father will perhaps miss his son enough to write another letter rescinding his ban. Regardless, I respect the guy for coming out about his orientation, illogical people be damned.

patrickthehedgehog · (08-08-2012, 10:22 PM)

Shit "dad." Doesn't deserve the air he breaths.

gatti-man · (08-08-2012, 10:22 PM)

Originally Posted by Frost_Ace:

And this is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents :(

Then don't? Another thing I don't understand is coming out to the parent. My parents are huge prudes. My mother thinks oral sex is degrading and anything but missionary is sinful. Do I feel the need to come out that I like anal sex? No, I hide that shit like a normal person. Egh maybe this is a bad example since I tend to keep my parents away from anyone I care about :-/

Crumpet Trumpet · (08-08-2012, 10:22 PM)

Originally Posted by BigNastyCurve:

If it took it personally then I apologize. It seemed like baiting to me and I didn't appreciate that. Is it ok to not want my son to be gay? Is that allowed? If some people want to be gay that's not for me to decide, but can't I have a preference as a parent?

Just realize that people don't just wake up one day and choose to be gay. That's why people were judging your "I don't approve" comment, because it's really not something that needs any approval or disapproval- your hypothetical gay son won't be able to help it no matter what you think, so your disapproval would only prove to be psychologically damaging, even if you add the caveat that you'll love him regardless.

Cyan · (08-08-2012, 10:22 PM)

Originally Posted by Frost_Ace:

And this is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents :(

:(

I hope that when you eventually do, they've come far enough that they can embrace you for who you are.

Emerson · (08-08-2012, 10:22 PM)

Originally Posted by BigNastyCurve:

If it took it personally then I apologize. It seemed like baiting to me and I didn't appreciate that. Is it ok to not want my son to be gay? Is that allowed? If some people want to be gay that's not for me to decide, but can't I have a preference as a parent?

Yes, of course you can. 99% of people would prefer their children be heterosexual for a number of reasons, including:

1) Not having to face the bullying and ridicule, which obviously should not exist but still do
2) Wanting to have natural grandchildren, a (arguably selfish) thing most people desire; and while adoption is a great thing, most people would still prefer to have their own natural children with their partner and not a donor

It's just about being honest enough with yourself to admit you have a preference and not being such an extremist that when somebody admits they have a preference you don't insist they're a bigot or hateful. Personally I'm willing to believe you'd love your kid no matter what. But then I actually read what people say and don't automatically assume the worst about them.

Bombadil · (08-08-2012, 10:23 PM)

Originally Posted by Salvor.Hardin:

Do you watch porn? If you do, you've already seen more cock than 99% of human beings ever. The day you stop watching random Californian bro cocks is the day you can have that preference.

What does porn have to do with anything in this thread?

JiuJitsuka · (08-08-2012, 10:23 PM)

Originally Posted by Gaborn:

How would you feel if your father told you they didn't "approve" of you dating someone from another race?

I was raised in a familial environment that ensured us total freedom of expression. My dad would tell me his opinion, and he would still reassure me that he loves me. As I said, expressing one's own opinion without hurting someone mentally. Nothing wrong with that. The guy in OP is cold , bitter and ruthless.

BigNastyCurve · 10:26 PM

Originally Posted by Crumpet Trumpet:

Just realize that people don't just wake up one day and choose to be gay. That's why people were judging your "I don't approve" comment, because it's really not something that needs any approval or disapproval- your hypothetical gay son won't be able to help it no matter what you think, so your disapproval would only prove to be psychologically damaging, even if you add the caveat that you'll love him regardless.

Fair enough. I'll take that into consideration. I don't know where I stand on the biological vs decision thing. I gather most here on this forum believe it's biological. That debate aside thanks for offering your input.

Ravensmash · (08-08-2012, 10:23 PM)

Originally Posted by Mercury Fred:

You help situations like the one in the OP happen. Congrats.

I hardly think that's a fair statement to make at all. He's explicitly said that he'd still love his son regardless of sexual orientation - leave it at that guys, don't jump on him and analyse his every word.

And I read this the other day on Reddit, pretty heavy stuff to read - poor guy.

Edit: Volimar, that's an incredibly sad story, wow :[

Complex Shadow · (08-08-2012, 10:23 PM)

Originally Posted by Volimar:

When I was in high school an older friend of mine came out to his father and was disowned and kicked out of the home as well. He lost his mother to cancer when he was little and his father was really his only family. He spent more than 6 months incredibly depressed and homeless. His friends would hold late night parties every weekend and we'd trick him into staying over, because he felt like he deserved to be homeless because of his father's disappointment.. As his 18th birthday drew near he seemed like he was doing better, but after he went home on his birthday, his father told him that if he saw him again he'd shoot him. He wrote a few letters and went back to the house, waiting for his father to leave. When he had, my friend broke in and shot himself with his father's gun.

RIP Jason.

Shit man... I don't know what to say.

Rip Jason

Ryck · (08-08-2012, 10:25 PM)

Originally Posted by Salvor.Hardin:

Do you watch porn? If you do, you've already seen more cock than 99% of human beings ever. The day you stop watching random Californian bro cocks is the day you can have that preference.

Amazing.

Emerson · (08-08-2012, 10:25 PM)

Originally Posted by Gaborn:

How would you feel if your father told you they didn't "approve" of you dating someone from another race?

My parents (and especially grandparents) don't approve of a lot of things I do, including having sex out of wedlock and (soon) cohabitating before marriage. But they're still ultimately good people and while they may not approve, they don't treat me or her poorly. And I know their beliefs are what they are, even if I personally think they're ridiculous.

John Rabbit · (08-08-2012, 10:25 PM)

terrible penmanship.

Cyan · (08-08-2012, 10:25 PM)

Originally Posted by gatti-man:

Then don't? Another thing I don't understand is coming out to the parent. My parents are huge prudes. My mother thinks oral sex is degrading and anything but missionary is sinful. Do I feel the need to come out that I like anal sex? No, I hide that shit like a normal person. Egh maybe this is a bad example since I tend to keep my parents away from anyone I care about :-/

Come on, don't be an ass. Obviously he'd like to be able to have a regular relationship with his family where he can introduce SOs to them like everyone else.

That and not have this secret hanging over everything he does with them where he's in constant fear of how they might react if they find out.

Sailor · 10:29 PM

It's always the same with these kind of threads on GAF. Lately, it's just been annoying..people don't even have civilized conversations anymore, it's just personal attacks where people rage furiously trying to convince each other of their own opinion but in the end most people aren't open minded and won't respect the other parties' opinion.

Satch · (08-08-2012, 10:26 PM)

Originally Posted by Volimar:

When I was in high school an older friend of mine came out to his father and was disowned and kicked out of the home as well. He lost his mother to cancer when he was little and his father was really his only family. He spent more than 6 months incredibly depressed and homeless. His friends would hold late night parties every weekend and we'd trick him into staying over, because he felt like he deserved to be homeless because of his father's disappointment.. As his 18th birthday drew near he seemed like he was doing better, but after he went home on his birthday, his father told him that if he saw him again he'd shoot him. He wrote a few letters and went back to the house, waiting for his father to leave. When he had, my friend broke in and shot himself with his father's gun.

RIP Jason.

wow...

Salvor.Hardin · (08-08-2012, 10:26 PM)

Originally Posted by Willkiller:

This is the single most rediculous post I've read all year on Gaf

All I'm saying is that if you willfully watch videos of sweaty arm-length penises, you automatically forgo the right to be critical of a sexuality that leans towards men.

Gaborn · (08-08-2012, 10:26 PM)

Originally Posted by JiuJitsuka:

I was raised in a familial environment that ensured us total freedom of expression. My dad would tell me his opinion, and he would still reassure me that he loves me. As I said, expressing one's own opinion without hurting someone mentally. Nothing wrong with that. The guy in OP is cold , bitter and ruthless.

I think you would acknowledge your father is an exception. I think most people would be upset and understandably so if a parent told them they "don't approve" of someone that they love whether because the person is male, or black, or Jewish or has whatever characteristic. I can't imagine it cultivating a happy relationship, if anything it'd make me want to cut off ties with my parents if they can't accept me and the people I love who love me.

Iksenpets · 10:29 PM

Originally Posted by JiuJitsuka:

well said =/ . everyone should represent his own views, as long he does not hurt others mentally, emotionally or physically.

You say you're not supposed to harm anyone mentally or emotionally, so please introduce me to the child who wouldn't end up just a little bit scarred from his father telling him that while of course I still love you, gee I sure would have preferred if you just could've been born someone else?

Edit: initial post way less respectful than it should have been. Edited with apologies.

Alligatorjandro · (08-08-2012, 10:27 PM)

Originally Posted by Volimar:

When I was in high school an older friend of mine came out to his father and was disowned and kicked out of the home as well. He lost his mother to cancer when he was little and his father was really his only family. He spent more than 6 months incredibly depressed and homeless. His friends would hold late night parties every weekend and we'd trick him into staying over, because he felt like he deserved to be homeless because of his father's disappointment.. As his 18th birthday drew near he seemed like he was doing better, but after he went home on his birthday, his father told him that if he saw him again he'd shoot him. He wrote a few letters and went back to the house, waiting for his father to leave. When he had, my friend broke in and shot himself with his father's gun.

RIP Jason.

How the fuck can a father tell his son he would shoot him?

ElTopo · (08-08-2012, 10:28 PM)

Originally Posted by surly:

What have you got to apologise for? You're not to blame if other people don't understand their own religion and its teachings.

I think we Christians - here in Germany and certainly elsewhere as well - could and should do a lot more to fight bigotry and hateful behaviour. Where else can we teach these people the falsehood of their ways.

I very rarely go to church anymore and have no contact with the Christian groups at my university, so one could very well argue that by shutting myself out of the everyday life of the religious community I have to take blame - if for anything - for not taking a stand against hate.

I feel that many of the more - excuse me for the term - educated Christians leave the field to the populist preachers with simple messages. Here are the good guys, there are the bad guys. This is right, this is wrong. Don't think, we do that for you.

Bombadil · (08-08-2012, 10:29 PM)

Originally Posted by Salvor.Hardin:

All I'm saying is that if you willfully watch videos of sweaty arm-length penises, you automatically forgo the right to be critical of a sexuality that leans towards men.

Heterosexual sex involves penises, too, dude. What are you implying?

ATF487 · (08-08-2012, 10:29 PM)

Originally Posted by Mercury Fred:

You help situations like the one in the OP happen. Congrats.

Oh goddamn it this shit needs to stop

out0v0rder · (08-08-2012, 10:29 PM)

some people are just born religious, been going to church since they were like 1 years old.

Emerson · (08-08-2012, 10:29 PM)

Originally Posted by Iksenpets:

Indeed! Excellently expressed bigotry! Bravo!

You say you're not supposed to harm anyone mentally or emotionally, so please introduce me to the child who wouldn't end up just a little bit scarred from his father telling him that while of course I still love you, gee I sure would have preferred if you had been born someone else?

Just because you believe something on a theoretical or academic level, i.e. - preferring your child to be a heterosexual - does not mean you would actually regret having your kid be gay once they are born and already exist as a homosexual.

You hear stuff like this all the time from parents of all sorts. Would have preferred a boy/girl/etc. Doesn't mean anything negative about the kid or the parent if it didn't play out that way.

Mr. F · (08-08-2012, 10:30 PM)

What a coward.

Edit; it doesn't matter which side of the debate you fall on, this action by any parent is not ever justified. Period.

JiuJitsuka · (08-08-2012, 10:30 PM)

Originally Posted by Gaborn:

I think you would acknowledge your father is an exception. I think most people would be upset and understandably so if a parent told them they "don't approve" of someone that they love whether because the person is male, or black, or Jewish or has whatever characteristic. I can't imagine it cultivating a happy relationship, if anything it'd make me want to cut off ties with my parents if they can't accept me and the people I love who love me.

Yea Gaborn, I ain't talking about parents who won't accept you because you what you are. Parents can simply express their views and opinions, whilst accepting their kids totally and providing them warmth and love. How does it contradict.

DonMigs85 · (08-08-2012, 10:31 PM)

Originally Posted by Frost_Ace:

And this is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents :(

Don't do it until you've at least made a comfortable life for yourself and moved out.

speculawyer · (08-08-2012, 10:32 PM)

Originally Posted by Frost_Ace:

And this is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents :(

Well, you don't have to. If you are at all dependent on them the best decision is probably not to tell them. That sucks but . . . well it gets better.

Gaborn · (08-08-2012, 10:32 PM)

Originally Posted by JiuJitsuka:

Yea Gaborn, I ain't talking about parents who won't accept you because you what you are. Parents can simply express their views and opinions, whilst accepting their kids totally and providing them warmth and love. How does it contradict.

Well, look at the standard I mentioned above. Would you write Christmas Cards addressed to both of them as a couple? Would you invite both to stay in your home on visits? When you say you "don't approve" but you love your SON what are you actually saying in a practical sense? How will that affect not your relationship with a son, but with the partner you disapprove of?