NeoGAF

I had the realization yesterday that mine is in a few days. Happy birthday Cameron, you're a good dude I hope you're making the best of it.

Originally Posted by Colin.

Ironically, after my frustrations from yesterday, I now actually have my appointment for next week. Not like the other times were I was told I would be seen in X amount of time, I have a date/time and place this time! Bit anxious about how it will actually go, but glad I'm finally seeing someone about this.

I remember us talking briefly in IRC about that; I'm glad to hear an actual appointment came through for you - at last! I hope it goes well for you. Keep us updated!

Originally Posted by AcridMeat

At least you have school to keep you busy in the meantime. I'm in the exact same boat but not a student anymore. Getting a bit stressed because I haven't been able to work my only source of income for about a month now. I did have an interview this week so hope for the best with that

After a great couple of days with friends back in town its back to this state of not much going on. Today will be laundry and reading. :/

Wishing you the best of luck with that job. :)

Laundry and reading sounds like most of my days, honestly. Besides, that's not all you're gonna today. You're gonna recommend me and the thread some more Aphex Twin tunes to mellow to! Right? Right!?

Also, take this drawing of Kimi and Kamui drinking together! Yes!

Originally Posted by Cameron122

My only birthday interaction has been through Gaf and Facebook. I felt more honesty from people on Gaf than I did on FB tho haha.

Happy birthday dude!

Originally Posted by zeemumu

Rearranged my room today. It was looking pretty cluttered and it was nice to feel busy for once. I'm still applying to several different places trying to get my first job and break that cycle of "you can't get a job without experience, but you can't get experience without having a job." I've been using any volunteer experience and references that I have but so far no luck. Out of all of the jobs that I've applied to, I've only gotten one interview and I couldn't get that job because my class schedule doesn't allow me to work until at least 10AM. Maybe if I got a job, I'd be busier, and wouldn't feel like I'm bugging people to hangout all of the time because I'll have something occupying my time.

Good luck on the job search. The first one is always tough to get, but once you get that one it gets easier.

Thanks y'all

I'm getting out of classes sooner than expected so that's nice

21 woot :P

Happy bday Cameron! Go get a beer(if you're in the US). :)

Happy birthday cameron!

Originally Posted by Monosukoi

Wishing you the best of luck with that job. :)

Laundry and reading sounds like most of my days, honestly. Besides, that's not all you're gonna today. You're gonna recommend me and the thread some more Aphex Twin tunes to mellow to! Right? Right!?

Also, take this drawing of Kimi and Kamui drinking together! Yes!

I forgot which song of his I linked before but here's what I've posted on my blog of his. Apart from the Tacteel song.

There's several of my favorites I haven't posted there yet, like 4 and Alberto Balsam.

Been having dark thoughts the last few days. Not sure why really, nothing happened, just sometimes everything shitty in my life (which is nearly everything) comes into sharp focus and I can't do anything to block it out. I'm sick of my rock bottom confidence, self-esteem and social skills keeping me from even entertaining the idea of ever asking a girl out, going on a date, having a social life, interviewing for a better job... just sick of it. And I can never muster enough motivation or the attention span to fill my personal time with anything fulfilling. The endless routine of going to a job that feels like a prison sentence and coming home everyday to watch bullshit on the internet and occasionally read a book is just killing me. Every time I think maybe I should try to learn this or pick of this hobby, I just discard the idea because I think what's the point? What's it really going to lead to? "Nothing". I think I have depression, lol!

Originally Posted by Monosukoi

Also, take this drawing of Kimi and Kamui drinking together! Yes!
!

This is one of the best things.

Also, Happy Birthday to Cameron.

Originally Posted by shanshan310

I'm so embarrassed. One of my friends made a comment about how an argument I made was dumb and I completely blew up at everyone. I feel like I'm going crazy or something, but honestly I'm getting given ridiculously basic advice or "no shit" type responses by both friends and strangers on a daily basic. Random people have tried to teach me how to swipe my bus card (on the bus I ride almost daily), new students at my martial arts club have tried to tell me how to tap for pain. I must have a really dazed look on my face or something, but it's so frustrating. I know everyone just has good intentions but goddamn this is really messing up my self esteem. I'm afraid to speak at all or even post on gaf because I always end up looking like an idiot. I just feel so stupid, and I don't know how to not be. I'm sorry for ranting.

I think I can relate. I do and say a lot of stupid things all the time, and moments later I think, "Wow I'm a colossal ass". I deserve to get the poopoo beaten out of me for all the dumb stuff I've done this year alone. I'm trying to be a lot nicer. I was kind of frustrated for a variety of reasons, and my parents recently divorcing might have contributed to that. I don't know. I hate myself.

Originally Posted by Cameron122

My only birthday interaction has been through Gaf and Facebook. I felt more honesty from people on Gaf than I did on FB tho haha.

Happy birthday!

Originally Posted by AcridMeat

Alberto Balsam.

My man.

Originally Posted by demon

Been having dark thoughts the last few days. Not sure why really, nothing happened, just sometimes everything shitty in my life (which is nearly everything) comes into sharp focus and I can't do anything to block it out. I'm sick of my rock bottom confidence, self-esteem and social skills keeping me from even entertaining the idea of ever asking a girl out, going on a date, having a social life, interviewing for a better job... just sick of it. And I can never muster enough motivation or the attention span to fill my personal time with anything fulfilling. The endless routine of going to a job that feels like a prison sentence and coming home everyday to watch bullshit on the internet and occasionally read a book is just killing me. Every time I think maybe I should try to learn this or pick of this hobby, I just discard the idea because I think what's the point? What's it really going to lead to? "Nothing". I think I have depression, lol!

I feel the same way. I wouldn't say I have depression per se, because I can still function like a (somewhat) normal human being, but definitely been feeling some existential angst lately... I have no friends where I live now, all my old friends are gone and don't give a damn about me, and it's really hard having to build a new social circle when you have a job that drains you every day.

Originally Posted by demon

Been having dark thoughts the last few days. Not sure why really, nothing happened, just sometimes everything shitty in my life (which is nearly everything) comes into sharp focus and I can't do anything to block it out. I'm sick of my rock bottom confidence, self-esteem and social skills keeping me from even entertaining the idea of ever asking a girl out, going on a date, having a social life, interviewing for a better job... just sick of it. And I can never muster enough motivation or the attention span to fill my personal time with anything fulfilling. The endless routine of going to a job that feels like a prison sentence and coming home everyday to watch bullshit on the internet and occasionally read a book is just killing me. Every time I think maybe I should try to learn this or pick of this hobby, I just discard the idea because I think what's the point? What's it really going to lead to? "Nothing". I think I have depression, lol!

This is pretty much me right here. I'm supposed to be sending daily schedules to my psychologist every day but I decided not to today since I know I'm not going to do anything on it.

Pretty much how I feel
http://www.theonion.com/articles/rep...-of-lif,34738/

Originally Posted by Femmeworth

Fuck my insecurities. I already feel like I'm screwing up my relationship.

Yeah, insecurities and a relationship are not a particularly fun mix. It helps to let the other person know about them, but there's always the fear that it's just going to drive them away among everything else you perceive you're fucking up on. :/

All I felt today is all the stuff I haven't done in 21 years

I've never finished a writing

I've never really gotten started on any of my design documents

Never had a real paying job

Never been in love :/

Originally Posted by Cameron122

All I felt today is all the stuff I haven't done in 21 years

I've never finished a writing

I've never really gotten started on any of my design documents

Never had a real paying job

Never been in love :/

Sounds like me at the same age. Don't sweat it too much. Just because it hasn't happened in the past doesn't mean it can't happen in the future.

been in intense loneliness the last 2 months since my gf left me. figure that is normal response even though it is still just as bad as ever. today though i found out via a bank call i have no money. i've been so depressed lately i just neglected my finances. fuck. i don't want to say i'm suicidal because i'm not seriously considering it. but i am fantasizing about it like crazy. everything i have poured my love and effort into this year has slapped me in the face. i just do not want to go on with this. it's been a long time since i felt any happiness, but this is the first time i have felt a complete absence of purpose.

Originally Posted by Cameron122

All I felt today is all the stuff I haven't done in 21 years

I've never finished a writing

I've never really gotten started on any of my design documents

Never had a real paying job

Never been in love :/

Only like, 5 of those 21 years count. Because if you had done any of those things at anything less than 15-16, they probably would have sucked.

Welp. A cousin of mine attempted suicide monday morning. Hooked up to a respirator. Probs brain-dead but if the ekg/eeg/ whatever it's called test results came back conclusively , no one has told me yet.

Haven't really done shit as far as schoolwork goes since then, except for a single oral presentation where I'd actually done all the prep-work 3 days before the incident.
It's now 7am local time and I haven't slept. I'm gonna chill til the deans' office walk-in hours open at 9 to see if one of them will sign off on emailing profs being like "dude's not lying and should probably be given some more time to do shit"

Good thing I already had a psych appointment scheduled for tomorrow before this happened i guess?