NeoGAF

humbugs · 11:05 PM

Originally Posted by Bagels

I've been mulling over what you've said. I know my own bias is STRONGLY pro-psychiatry, pro-medication (not that everyone should take them, just that they're another tool to consider), anti-alternative medicine, and, despite being one of the few (somewhat) religious people in the thread (that I know of), I avoided even mentioning seeing any kind of religious leaders for counseling (which is a fairly popular choice). I also avoided listing faith-based organizations that offer things like crisis lines. I may still find that stuff, but there's a tension between providing information and pushing any kind of agenda, even inadvertently.

Likewise, I originally had some examples of things I consider quackery, but I cut them out. I won't endorse any of that stuff in the OP, but people should feel free to discuss it.

I do think the thread could use more resources that go against traditional western biomedical principles of mental illness. I'll write the blurb for Foucalt's History of Madness to point out how it challenges the idea of mental illnesses as, well, illnesses. The book you linked, jackbugs, seems like another good entry for that category.

The other thing I notice is that we chose "mental health" over "mental illness" for the title, ut the thread is currently all about mental illness. Moe information and resources about maintaining mental well being, outside of disease states, would be great. The book about exercise fits in that category nicely.

Good stuff. I can't emphasize enough that I don't subscribe, in general, to any one certainty as regards to outcomes. I have seen, and continue to see daily, the benefits of psychiatry, of various medications, in tandem with lifestyle choices, and mostly the benefits of patience, understanding and an ear. And also, yes, at times, the benefits of questioning certain approaches and established 'absolutes'. There are so many complex individualized factors, and just as many fields of approach. As has been said by folks here, the first thing is just saying something, and getting those thoughts and discussions rolling. Thanks for your considered approach and I know I'll be able to learn a thing or two here.

Originally Posted by Pakkidis

Decided to move my life forward, and try and volunteer at a thrift store :( Its sad this is what my life has been devolved too. Sadly staying at home in the basement is no longer an option.

Sounds like cause to celebrate?. Celebrate taking any. kind. of. step. Especially one that bring you into a sphere outside your norm, and among other people. Thrift stores can be great for meeting such an amazing range of people, backgrounds, personalities. Could be one hell of an adventure, or as much of one as you are comfortable with.

Collete · (04-18-2013, 12:08 AM)

I just feel I'm done...Depression is just getting to me and all my hopes and what I strive for is just fruitless in the end...I can never get a break and have a moment to stop and think without constantly being pushed to the ground...it's too exhausting...I can't go on like this...

NeOak · (04-18-2013, 12:11 AM)

Originally Posted by Oomikami

I just feel I'm done...Depression is just getting to me and all my hopes and what I strive for is just fruitless in the end...I can never get a break and have a moment to stop and think without constantly being pushed to the ground...it's too exhausting...I can't go on like this...

It's never fruitless.

Don't give up. The moment will come. Keep up!

Wilsongt · (04-18-2013, 12:15 AM)

Originally Posted by Oomikami

I just feel I'm done...Depression is just getting to me and all my hopes and what I strive for is just fruitless in the end...I can never get a break and have a moment to stop and think without constantly being pushed to the ground...it's too exhausting...I can't go on like this...

I feel your pain...

dutchguyjack · (04-18-2013, 12:30 AM)

Originally Posted by Oomikami

I just feel I'm done...Depression is just getting to me and all my hopes and what I strive for is just fruitless in the end...I can never get a break and have a moment to stop and think without constantly being pushed to the ground...it's too exhausting...I can't go on like this...

What's your social life like? Do you go out much, or spend a lot of time at home? And if you socialise, what type of goals do you set? And what are the things that you feel are pushing you to the ground?

Karakand · 12:41 AM

Originally Posted by BorkBork

Thank you Bagels for creating this space for sharing freely and safely.

I have a spouse who has been diagnosed with Type II rapid cycling bipolar disorder. Our marriage is currently in tatters - we have been separated for four months, and I think hope is growing dim for our future together.

Near the beginning of our marriage, I embarked on a scary decision to pursue writing as a profession (something she endorsed and vowed to support). Invested in my work and perhaps foolishly taking her support for granted, I was shocked and hurt to find that one day less than six months in that she wanted to separate; she had been depressed, blamed me for not seeing it, and became engaged in a increasingly close and uncomfortable friendship with another man she had just met (who had no interest in her romantically).

It was a painful period, but we eventually reconciled. Over the next several months, I dedicated myself to becoming a better partner. I worked to achieve better work/life balance, spending more quality time with her. We went on a wonderful trip overseas together and things were as good as they had ever been. Upon our return, we were to spend some time in comfortable solitude on an island during the winter months. As she learned about her illness and began taking mood stabilizers, I vowed to her that I was going to support her in her coping with her illness any way that I can.

But plans changed. She made the decision to go to the island to spend some time alone by herself, to find herself and understand herself better. I agreed in support, even thought it was painful for me. Coming back suddenly for a visit two weeks in, she had once again decided abruptly that she wanted a divorce, that I should have let her go the very first time, that it was a mistake for her to get married. I suggested counselling (previously before as well), but she stated that counselling was for people who wanted to make things work. Needless to say, I was a shocked and broken man.

I tried to fight for our marriage once again, for us. I think she was moved by it, and for awhile she believed that it wasn't the marriage that was the problem, but the loss of herself triggered by the illness. Physically and mentally exhausted by the ordeal, I wanted a partner who could commit to me, and when she reached out to me in another bout of depression, I asked for her commitment to our partnership as the solution. In retrospect, a demand I deemed reasonable was probably too much for her. She pushed away.

Right now, I'm not sure where things are at. We are still on friendly (but cool) terms, have conversations about our relationship, but she has found her own place and has stated that romantic feelings are triggers for her illness. While stable right now, she says she's not ready for reconciliation and is asking me to move on with my life, but I cannot. I still don't know which part is the illness and which part is her, and I want to do everything I humanly can to work on our marriage so that I will have no regrets in the future. I am not at the point where I am ready to mourn for the loss of us, which barely had a chance to take root. The uncertainty is the worst.

As I learned more about bipolar disorder, I could identify the symptoms of the illness manifesting themselves over our short marriage of one and a half years. I could see the periods of anxiety and hypomania, the incredibly hurtful decisions that she made in abrupt fashion, her inability to commit to any important tasks, periods of extra outgoingness followed by periods of intense introversion, and the signs that show up before she becomes a different person.

This past year has taken a heavy toll on my own mental health. I used to consider myself emotionally resilient and intelligent, but nowadays I go through daily bouts of sadness, anger, frustration, and hope. I know this is unhealthy and that I need to take care of myself in order to support her, but it's hard to break out of the cycle. I have tried looking for support groups for spouses of people with bipolar disorder, but most of them just are people telling their own personal horror stories with little actual help.

Sorry this is so long. Just needed to write. As for resources, I found this to be quite useful:

Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner by Julie A. Fast

Thanks for sharing, and sorry to hear about everything. A loved one's bipolarity more or less destroyed my family growing up, it can be a very painful mood disorder to live with and process--I don't think my sibling and I have still really moved on from it.

The Boat · (04-18-2013, 12:38 AM)

Originally Posted by Verbal Intercourse

Hypnotherapy--is this a valid form of psychotherapy treatment?

I did hypnotherapy when I was down in the slumps a few years ago and it helped me a lot. Well, it wasn't the hypnotherapy alone, my doctor is fantastic and was pretty much a physician+psychiatrist+psychologist+hypnotherapist all rolled up in one, so the treatment was very complete and I felt very safe.

Anyway, I did a lot of hypnosis sessions and in a lot of them, I'm gonna say most, I couldn't get fully hypnotized, it's completely normal as it requires something from you not just the therapist. I started meditating at home once in a while to help me relax and to make the hypnosis easier and after a few sessions I could get about 3/4 of the way.

It's a bit hard to explain what I mean as that, but basically being fully under the spell would be being completely knocked out and talking to the therapist. I would usually get in a really weird dream like state without noticing.
Even like this, I feel like it helped me as I would come from those sessions calmer, more confident and more assured.

I think it can be a good complement to someone's recovery if you find someone good, but I imagine there are a lot of quacks out there in this particular field.

****

I've been doing somewhat well this semester I started studying more, exercising little by little at home, I gathered the courage to go speak to random people at university because I was tired of being alone all the time over there and it worked out great as I got to meet quite a few good looking girls and I now have a group to hang out with when I'm at the university. I also got a pretty good score in Complex Numbers Analysis despite the sinusitis I had during the week I had to study. Partied hard with some recent friends this weekend, that was great too.

Now I'm pretty shitty. Because of all the studying and the sinusitis I haven't been working out, I messed up on two tests, have another one tomorrow and I'm completely and utterly fucked and I'm pretty unmotivated. I just feel very desperate right now, I'm way behind on my education and things aren't exactly on the best of tracks.

No big deal (well, asides from risking another unsuccessful semester), it'll go badly tomorrow, but I'll just rest up the next few days and start fresh next week, work hard, work out and take some time for myself and I'm sure things will turn out OK if I push through. The sun is back that helps too.

Just needed to vent a little :P

RionaaM · (04-18-2013, 12:54 AM)

Originally Posted by Bagels

I can't remember if it made it into the last thread, but this comic is amazing.

Compiling resources - thanks to everyone suggesting stuff! I'll try to have something up today.

And huge thanks to FillerB for a sweet new banner! Poor sad GAF-head man. Cheer up, buddy! :P

If it wasn't for the awful grammar of the first two panels, I'd say this comic is perfect. Thanks for sharing it Bags.

Woorloog · 01:04 AM

So. Reading this thread.
Meds (for OCD in this case) can cause odd dreams, apparently.

Is this common with meds for depression?

Asking this because if i can ever get myself to visit a therapist about my depression, what do i say about taking meds?
I detest dreaming. Anything that can make me see more vivid/lucid dreams is out of question. I used to eat melatonin (1mg) to go sleep earlier but i stopped the moment i realized i saw more lucid dreams than usually (pretty common for me already, melatonin practically guaranteed seeing one). Read that it is noted side-effect afterwards.

In case someone wonders why i detest dreams, i'll say this: if you were to see my dreams, you'd understand. They're not nightmares (i don't remember when i last had one) but they're always unpleasant. Even the "pleasant" ones, for they're not real, but something that feels real but is just an illusion. I hate that.

Oh, yeah, not my only objection about meds. I'd rather avoid them if there are other options (that don't include "alternate medicine" bullshit). Are there any? (Hypnotherapy is out of question: i'm the sort who can't be hypnotized)

And if someone wonders why i haven't seen a therapist: i'm depressed invidual. Motivation is nearly non-existent. And frankly my other problems seem far more important than my depression. And i have my hands full trying to deal with those. With lack of motivation to do anything. EDIT i wonder how much of depression is due to my attitude towards certain things? This causes me to stress, and i've never dealt well with stress. Combine with... eh, not sure.

Captain_Spanky · (04-18-2013, 01:06 AM)

Just posting to check in and say I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Um...yeah. So I feel like I should be in this thread.

ClassyPenguin · (04-18-2013, 01:09 AM)

CBT therapy is your best bet for non-medication based therapies. Just mention your concerns to your psychiatrist.

Each person will react to the drug differently so it's hard to say what side-effects will happen.

LittleBoots · (04-18-2013, 01:15 AM)

I got diagnosed with Bipolar II a few years ago in college. I'm glad I finally got diagnosed so I know how to cope with this disorder. I used to feel bad for myself because I always felt like I wasn't normal. Other people who didn't have this disorder didn't view things the way I did and didn't have to deal with the same issues. But I learned that there are a lot of other people out there like me. And the only way I can actually deal with this is by trying my hardest to make the best of things. Bipolar II is not an acute illness. Therefore, all you can do is learn what you can do to cope.

Sadsic · (04-18-2013, 01:22 AM)

i have been diagnosed with Bipolar II and Schizoid Personality Disorder

im mostly cured of it but i used to be intensely suicidal

im in school now and sometimes the anxiety of it gets to me

most people think of me as the 'weird' guy (and i am the weird the guy), but i hate being boxed in like that

Woorloog · (04-18-2013, 01:28 AM)

Originally Posted by ClassyPenguin

CBT therapy is your best bet for non-medication based therapies. Just mention your concerns to your psychiatrist.

Each person will react to the drug differently so it's hard to say what side-effects will happen.

I'll keep this in mind.

Fuck.
Thinking about my depression leads to more thinking about it and other problems i have and that leads to even more negative thinking.
I figure this is one of those things that i need to change.

I know myself very well (i think). I know many things i need to change, to get better. Why can't knowing something be enough to start change... I know myself well but that doesn't make me change anything.

Originally Posted by Sadsic

but i hate being boxed in like that

What do you mean, people thinking you as weird is what you hate?
Not familiar with use of "boxed" in english...

RionaaM · (04-18-2013, 01:42 AM)

Gotta eat my words and admit that Bags was right. This is the right title for the new thread. This is about all kind of mental illnesses, not just depression.

I'm glad (in a bittersweet way) to see so many new faces here, who now have a thread that represents them, as the old one focused almosy exclusively on depression. I hope you can all find the help you need here, and feel comfortable in this lovely community. To all of you, and to everyone who used to read or post in the previous thread too, welcome.

Woorloog · (04-18-2013, 01:46 AM)

Originally Posted by RionaaM

I hope you can all find the help you need here, and feel comfortable in this lovely community.

Misery loves company, eh?

I always want to crack some gallows humor or other dark jokes in this/previous depression thread, but i always restrain myself:
1. I can't think of any good ones
2. Might offend someone. Badly. Wouldn't be suprised, this is GAF after all. Oh, and some here might just react badly to jokes, i know i might, so maybe better to avoid them.

badbrains · (04-18-2013, 01:56 AM)

I don't even know where to begin. I haven't hung out with any friends in over a year because my ex gf cheated on me, I literally have been feeling like complete shit since then. My house was robbed, by an ex best friend, I BELIEVE, nothing was ever discovered though but I have a gut feeling it was him. I feel alone, I can't trust anyone. I have trouble communicating with people, all the sudden I stutter when talking to random strangers. I want people to perceive me a certain way, i can't seem to figure out who I really am. Sometimes I think about it, yes IT. I'm an only child, I'm about to graduate in IT this fall but I'm doing it to make my parents proud. I have no friends there, everyone avoids eye contact with me. Sometimes I meet someone new, but we just become acquaintances. I use to have a shit load of friends, not popular, but I lived like a normal person would. I'm 24 now, I lift and exercise on a daily basis, it's my escape route. When I smoke weed, I become very socially awkward, and anxious. My mind draws blanks, I can't think for the life of me and every scenario that I have ever failed in rushes into my mind. I end up going home and browsing the internet until 5-6am. I haven't had a normal sleeping schedule in 2 years, even when I have class at 10am I still manage to fall asleep at 5-6am. This sucks, I'm tired of the life I'm living. Maybe I need to move out, but I'm terrible at making new friends. I really doubt anyone's going to read this, I just needed to vent. I might schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist, I need help

Cameron122 · (04-18-2013, 02:17 AM)

Fantastic thread Bagels!

RionaaM · (04-18-2013, 02:22 AM)

Originally Posted by badbrains

I don't even know where to begin. I haven't hung out with any friends in over a year because my ex gf cheated on me, I literally have been feeling like complete shit since then. My house was robbed, by an ex best friend, I BELIEVE, nothing was ever discovered though but I have a gut feeling it was him. I feel alone, I can't trust anyone. I have trouble communicating with people, all the sudden I stutter when talking to random strangers. I want people to perceive me a certain way, i can't seem to figure out who I really am. Sometimes I think about it, yes IT. I'm an only child, I'm about to graduate in IT this fall but I'm doing it to make my parents proud. I have no friends there, everyone avoids eye contact with me. Sometimes I meet someone new, but we just become acquaintances. I use to have a shit load of friends, not popular, but I lived like a normal person would. I'm 24 now, I lift and exercise on a daily basis, it's my escape route. When I smoke weed, I become very socially awkward, and anxious. My mind draws blanks, I can't think for the life of me and every scenario that I have ever failed in rushes into my mind. I end up going home and browsing the internet until 5-6am. I haven't had a normal sleeping schedule in 2 years, even when I have class at 10am I still manage to fall asleep at 5-6am. This sucks, I'm tired of the life I'm living. Maybe I need to move out, but I'm terrible at making new friends. I really doubt anyone's going to read this, I just needed to vent. I might schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist, I need help

It seems like weed is not doing you any favors I'd cut down on it if I were you, at least until you can finally get a hold of your thoughts when high. It's a good thing that you have the will to exercise daily, I dropped the gym several weeks ago and haven't found the strenght to go back again.

I can't help you with the making friends part, as I'm not good at it either. If you feel like seeing a psychiatrist then by all means do it, it surely won't do you any harm, and may end up being good for you.

dutchguyjack · 02:27 AM

Originally Posted by badbrains

I don't even know where to begin. I haven't hung out with any friends in over a year because my ex gf cheated on me, I literally have been feeling like complete shit since then. My house was robbed, by an ex best friend, I BELIEVE, nothing was ever discovered though but I have a gut feeling it was him. I feel alone, I can't trust anyone. I have trouble communicating with people, all the sudden I stutter when talking to random strangers. I want people to perceive me a certain way, i can't seem to figure out who I really am. Sometimes I think about it, yes IT. I'm an only child, I'm about to graduate in IT this fall but I'm doing it to make my parents proud. I have no friends there, everyone avoids eye contact with me. Sometimes I meet someone new, but we just become acquaintances. I use to have a shit load of friends, not popular, but I lived like a normal person would. I'm 24 now, I lift and exercise on a daily basis, it's my escape route. When I smoke weed, I become very socially awkward, and anxious. My mind draws blanks, I can't think for the life of me and every scenario that I have ever failed in rushes into my mind. I end up going home and browsing the internet until 5-6am. I haven't had a normal sleeping schedule in 2 years, even when I have class at 10am I still manage to fall asleep at 5-6am. This sucks, I'm tired of the life I'm living. Maybe I need to move out, but I'm terrible at making new friends. I really doubt anyone's going to read this, I just needed to vent. I might schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist, I need help

Psychiatrist might help but only if you feel like you need it.

I think one of your problems is that you want people to perceive you in a certain way. It means you're putting effort into essentially putting a mask on for the people around you, so that you can be the person you want to be rather than the one you are.

My social life (and with it my symptoms of depression, loneliness and desperation for social contact) improved dramatically when I got rid of my mask - perhaps the same will work for you. Stop trying to be perceived in a certain way, and just live and talk in the way that you want to, rather than the way you 'should'. I'm going to give you the same advice here as someone a bit higher on this thread - place yourself in social situations, and just be yourself in those situations. Don't worry about if people will like you or not, because those who don't will never be your friends anyway. It's those that do that matter, and by putting a mask on (or in your words, trying to be perceived in a certain way), you're keeping those people at a distance.

Also, I realize there are a lot of people here on GAF that have a distinct hatred for people who do pickup, but they talk a lot about confidence and socialising, and most of all how to feel comfortable in your own skin. I suggest viewing some of the material on Youtube. David DeAngelo and Simple Pickup have some great material you can watch on self improvement, confidence and self image if you're interested.

Ashes1396 · (04-18-2013, 02:25 AM)

Are you getting stressed about a nearing exam or crucial presentation?

If so, don’t worry. A bout of acute anxiety could be good for you.

It seems periods of pressure prime the brain to perform better – but only two weeks later.

Rats achieved higher scores on memory tests a fortnight after experiencing a worrying event, tests showed.

http://metro.co.uk/2013/04/18/stress...nefit-3620621/

Sadsic · (04-18-2013, 02:34 AM)

Originally Posted by Woorloog

I'll keep this in mind.
What do you mean, people thinking you as weird is what you hate?
Not familiar with use of "boxed" in english...

i dont like being thought of as only weird and not anything else

Woorloog · 02:41 AM

Originally Posted by dutchguyjack

I think one of your problems is that you want people to perceive you in a certain way. It means you're putting effort into essentially putting a mask on for the people around you, so that you can be the person you want to be rather than the one you are.

My social life (and with it my symptoms of depression, loneliness and desperation for social contact) improved dramatically when I got rid of my mask - perhaps the same will work for you.

EDIT this isn't really any input to this, just made me think.

I wonder, do i do this? Keep mask that is.
I swear my friends (or relatives) don't know i'm depressed. I'm not sure i'm really happy when i'm with my friends or if i'm keeping a mask. I know myself well but that... i'm not sure about that. Possibly a bit of both?

What i do know is that if i'm keeping a mask for my friends, i'm going to keep it. I know they have had problems with ex-friend who was depressed (and had other issues too, probably, not quite sure), though those problems may have been more related to other issues the ex-friend had. Not sure. Regardless, i'd prefer to avoid any drama...
And to be honest, i hate mutual acquaintances knowing i have depression, because i start wondering how think think of me, and due to that, distrust and dislike them.
Another behavior in myself i know is absolutely negative.

Kinda interesting to notice things about myself based on what others tell of themselves (and discussion about that).

Originally Posted by Sadsic

i dont like being thought of as only weird and not anything else

Ah, i understand now.
I know how that feels... or at least imagine i know how it feels.

Labombadog · (04-18-2013, 02:38 AM)

Great OT Bagel. I posted perhaps a couple of times in the older Depression thread but lurked pretty often. If there is any help I can do for anybody then please let me know. :)

dutchguyjack · (04-18-2013, 02:59 AM)

Originally Posted by Woorloog

I wonder, do i do this? Keep mask that is.
I swear my friends (or relatives) don't know i'm depressed. I'm not sure i'm really happy when i'm with my friends or if i'm keeping a mask. I know myself well but that... i'm not sure about that. Possibly a bit of both?

What i do know is that if i'm keeping a mask for my friends, i'm going to keep it. I know they have had problems with ex-friend who was depressed (and had other issues too, probably, not quite sure), though those problems may have been more related to other issues the ex-friend had. Not sure. Regardless, i'd prefer to avoid any drama...
And to be honest, i hate mutual acquaintances knowing i have depression, because i start wondering how think think of me, and due to that, distrust and dislike them.
Another behavior in myself i know is absolutely negative.

Kinda interesting to notice things about myself based on what others tell of themselves (and discussion about that).

I wouldn't say the mask is necessarily a product of hiding certain aspects of your life from people. I do that as well, and though if they ask me about it I'll tell them the truth, most of my friends don't know 90% of the stuff I do in my spare time, and have no clue how I feel on a day to day basis.

But at the same time, I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. With that I mean, most people have this image of this person they'd like to be. People will generally act in a way that brings them closer to who that person is - which in turn is completely counterproductive.

Try this if you're not sure - place yourself in a social setting in which it's pretty much unavoidable to have a conversation with people. Once you're in it, talk to those people, and don't think about what you're going to say to them. If you feel like saying something, no matter how strange or random it sounds, say it.

In essence - be yourself, but be yourself to the extreme. Don't be afraid to tell people what you like, and show them exactly who you are. If you need some help with that, have a look at some of the following videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6KUkQKge_w
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTS1dKscCXE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h64TFQpX5cM

The last one talks a bit more about it in relation to women, but that's a connection you're free to ignore if you want. The main points in these videos are about you, and how to really show people who you are.

Woorloog · (04-18-2013, 03:17 AM)

Originally Posted by dutchguyjack

snip

Ah, i'm not keeping a mask then. Guess being with my friends are among those rare times when i'm happy.
Reading your post made me realized that i don't act as i think i'm expected to, i'm just being myself. I guess with my friends i can forget about my worries.

Not sure what i'd say if they'd ask if i'm depressed though: lying about things comes to me so easily. Never been one to deflect questions... and i didn't lie much before my depression (i think).
Another aspect of me that needs changing.

As for those vids... i guess it couldn't hurt watching them. If only i had enough attention span for videos, practically the only media i bother with are music, reading and video games. Watching vids/films/TV is far too passive (music is relaxing and can help concentrate, reading requires active imagination and videogames require activity).

youngwerther · (04-18-2013, 03:20 AM)

Holy fuck I just want one friend in my entire goddamned life, is that so much to ask universe?
Fuck everything.

neojubei · (04-18-2013, 03:20 AM)

Feeling down and depressed right now which is sort of my fault. It starts off with a friend texting me about my old iPhone he is switching carriers and wants to if he can have it since I don't use it anymore. Ok I guess so I texted him back. He texted me again seeing if I was busy and since he was coming by for the phone we can go out for dinner. Now I haven't seen him physically since last year in November. And at that time he was around 240lbs. He told me before that he was sick and lost some weight but when I saw him today I was shocked. He was totally skinny. He is now around 160lbs. When I last saw him he had a big stomach now he looks like a twink (gay term). I did feel happy he is ok from being ill but he looks so different now. When I used go out with him he always joked we were the fat brothers and such now he is far from fat. Now he wears a medium rather then an XXL. So now I feel and look like jabba the hut. I put on a happy face and everything but I just hated myself even more. Even today I bought some XXXL shirts on American eagle. Now I just feel like jumping off the roof. And please not patronize me about exercise and food. I know all that I just have shitty fat genes. Well least he made it to his weight goal. It would take me 50 years to achieve that. He wants to meet up this weekend but I think I will just avoid him for now onward.

dutchguyjack · (04-18-2013, 03:28 AM)

Originally Posted by Woorloog

Ah, i'm not keeping a mask then. Guess being with my friends are among those rare times when i'm happy.
Reading your post made me realized that i don't act as i think i'm expected to, i'm just being myself. I guess with my friends i can forget about my worries.

Not sure what i'd say if they'd ask if i'm depressed though: lying about things comes to me so easily. Never been one to deflect questions... and i didn't lie much before my depression (i think).
Another aspect of me that needs changing.

As for those vids... i guess it couldn't hurt watching them. If only i had enough attention span for videos, practically the only media i bother with are music, reading and video games. Watching vids/films/TV is far too passive (music is relaxing and can help concentrate, reading requires active imagination and videogames require activity).

There's a lot of books on the material as well if you feel that's more your thing. I feel they often have a more down-to-earth way of explaining things opposed to psychologists.

In terms of your friends - if you feel they're close, perhaps it would be good to talk with them about it. I may not know your friends, but as they say - 'Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind'.

I think in the end it's about figuring out why you feel depressed or down. Quite often you'll find it's a lack of social interaction or a lack of closeness, but I don't really know your story so I can't really make any assumptions about what it is for you.

The videos aren't all that long though, and they're really easy to watch. I hope some of this will help!

Woorloog · (04-18-2013, 03:36 AM)

Originally Posted by dutchguyjack

I think in the end it's about figuring out why you feel depressed or down. Quite often you'll find it's a lack of social interaction or a lack of closeness, but I don't really know your story so I can't really make any assumptions about what it is for you.

What if i know why i'm depressed BUT can't do anything about it? External reason. Well, one of them is external anyway. Nor am i sure it is a major reason, just something that stresses me a bit.
Kinda hard to do anything about it without motivation though.

Lack of social interaction isn't an issue for me, always been a loner, and never minded that really. Have a few good friends, that's enough.

dutchguyjack · (04-18-2013, 03:36 AM)

Originally Posted by neojubei

Feeling down and depressed right now which is sort of my fault. It starts off with a friend texting me about my old iPhone he is switching carriers and wants to if he can have it since I don't use it anymore. Ok I guess so I texted him back. He texted me again seeing if I was busy and since he was coming by for the phone we can go out for dinner. Now I haven't seen him physically since last year in November. And at that time he was around 240lbs. He told me before that he was sick and lost some weight but when I saw him today I was shocked. He was totally skinny. He is now around 160lbs. When I last saw him he had a big stomach now he looks like a twink (gay term). I did feel happy he is ok from being ill but he looks so different now. When I used go out with him he always joked we were the fat brothers and such now he is far from fat. Now he wears a medium rather then an XXL. So now I feel and look like jabba the hut. I put on a happy face and everything but I just hated myself even more. Even today I bought some XXXL shirts on American eagle. Now I just feel like jumping off the roof. And please not patronize me about exercise and food. I know all that I just have shitty fat genes. Well least he made it to his weight goal. It would take me 50 years to achieve that. He wants to meet up this weekend but I think I will just avoid him for now onward.

I apologise in advance for this but I'm not trying to patronize you here. I'm just stating my opinion on your situation, and you can take that in whichever way you like, but fat genes don't genetically determine that you are fat. They just accelerate it based on your diet (e.g. you're more sensitive to fatty food than others).

You can achieve your weight goals just as he did. You just need dedication, and you need to find a way of having fun doing it.

It's easier to throw your hands in the air and blame your problems on something else (and in the process, feel bad about yourself and life in general) than it is to take action and do something about the things you don't like, but if you don't dedicate yourself to reaching your weight goals for at least a solid two years, it's honestly not reasonable to complain about it, much less so avoid your friend because he did dedicate himself to his goals.

Take him as an aspiration, not an enemy. Skinny people are only skinny because they keep a good diet and exercise a lot. People with good bodies can generally be found at the gym 4-5 days a week, and at classes or other cardio activities the rest of the week. It doesn't come for free for anybody.

youngwerther · (04-18-2013, 03:41 AM)

Dear God not even my own mom wants to talk to me.

dutchguyjack · (04-18-2013, 03:41 AM)

Originally Posted by Woorloog

What if i know why i'm depressed BUT can't do anything about it? External reason. Well, one of them is external anyway. Nor am i sure it is a major reason, just something that stresses me a bit.
Kinda hard to do anything about it without motivation though.

If you feel comfortable about telling us what it is, perhaps we can help out. In case you don't feel comfortable telling us, I'll give you a general line of thought that always puts me back on track if I'm feeling down. Things that can't change are accepted, and things that can change are improved. If the external reason cannot be changed you'll need to take it for what it is and make the best out of it.

Lack of social interaction isn't an issue for me, always been a loner, and never minded that really. Have a few good friends, that's enough.

Introvert myself and I felt that way for a large part of my life. But that's really more of a choice, and if you feel comfortable with it, stick with it. But at the same time, don't be afraid to move out of your comfort zone once in a while - it really helps putting things into perspective.

Woorloog · 03:51 AM

Originally Posted by youngwerther

Dear God not even my own mom wants to talk to me.

You're not the only one. Well, sort of.
My mother is one of the few (if not only one) who knows i'm depressed. Her reaction to that? "Go to therapy". That's all.
Actually common reaction for her. I need a job or more education, instead of helping me with those, she says "you need to X" where X is "get job", "finish school" or something like that.
When my father died, she asked me and my brother would need therapy. That was her support for us.
And her idea of good timing to ask if we need help or something is when we're not alone. FFS woman, those things are asked only when in private.

Originally Posted by dutchguyjack

If you feel comfortable about telling us what it is, perhaps we can help out. In case you don't feel comfortable telling us, I'll give you a general line of thought that always puts me back on track if I'm feeling down. Things that can't change are accepted, and things that can change are improved. If the external reason cannot be changed you'll need to take it for what it is and make the best out of it.

Sorry, nope. Not comfortable enough to talk about that even here, with anonymity granted by Internet.
Well, not right now anyway. Need to figure out what i'm willing to talk about, without being unhelpfully vague.

Originally Posted by dutchguyjack

Introvert myself and I felt that way for a large part of my life. But that's really more of a choice, and if you feel comfortable with it, stick with it. But at the same time, don't be afraid to move out of your comfort zone once in a while - it really helps putting things into perspective.

Once... if i get rid of this depression, sure. Or if i get a good oppoturnity. Doubt that very much though. My comfort zone is pretty large but its boundaries are very solid.

heidern · (04-18-2013, 03:53 AM)

Originally Posted by Woorloog

Asking this because if i can ever get myself to visit a therapist about my depression, what do i say about taking meds?

Just tell him the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Originally Posted by Woorloog

Oh, yeah, not my only objection about meds. I'd rather avoid them if there are other options (that don't include "alternate medicine" bullshit). Are there any? (Hypnotherapy is out of question: i'm the sort who can't be hypnotized)

Well that last bit is in a sense unlikely since everyone naturally enters a state of hypnosis multiple times a day. In terms of alternatives to meds, there's lots of things you can do.
Talk Therapy(such as CBT)
Sleep 8 hours a day.
Eat a healthy diet.
Exercise 5-6 times a week(daily 15 minute jogs are great).
Yoga/Pilates
Meditation
http://www.pstec.org/selfhelp.php - free tools to neutralise negative emotions
Hypnotherapy
EFT
Affirmations
Probably a lot more besides that lot. But the simplest thing to do is go to your doctor in the first instance and he'll come up with a plan for you.

Originally Posted by Woorloog

Fuck.
Thinking about my depression leads to more thinking about it and other problems i have and that leads to even more negative thinking.
I figure this is one of those things that i need to change.

Yes, negative thinking further imprints negativity into your brain. If you use you inner thoughts in a positive way you'll slowly but surely imprint positivity into your brain.

dutchguyjack · (04-18-2013, 04:02 AM)

Originally Posted by Woorloog

Once... if i get rid of this depression, sure. Or if i get a good oppoturnity. Doubt that very much though. My comfort zone is pretty large but its boundaries are very solid.

It's kind of the point you do this regardless of how you feel. Create the opportunity to do things that you're not used to doing, expand your horizon. If you find joy in certain activities, do more of it. Depression is the result of a spiral of negative thoughts and feelings about certain situations you find yourself in. Optimism and positive thought are your way out, and you'll find that outside your comfort zone.

Woorloog · 04:09 AM

Originally Posted by heidern

Just tell him the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Figures.
Not bad advice, just should've expected it...

Originally Posted by heidern

Well that last bit is in a sense unlikely since everyone naturally enters a state of hypnosis multiple times a day. In terms of alternatives to meds, there's lots of things you can do.
Talk Therapy(such as CBT) Works for me, i guess
Sleep 8 hours a day. Already do, doesn't help me. Sleep rhytm is absolutely wrong but that's another issue.
Eat a healthy diet. I mostly do. Should eat more vegetables and fruits though.
Exercise 5-6 times a week(daily 15 minute jogs are great). Never been one for exercise. Should but...
Yoga/Pilates Yeah, no.
Meditation How does this help? What does meditation entail anyway, i was sick the day we were going to try it with psych class
http://www.pstec.org/selfhelp.php - free tools to neutralise negative emotions Checking this out later
Hypnotherapy As i said, i can't be hypnotized. Have slight experience of someone trying to, doesn't work to me at all.
EFT The what?
Affirmations What?
Probably a lot more besides that lot. But the simplest thing to do is go to your doctor in the first instance and he'll come up with a plan for you. Naturally. If i managed to visit one.

Bolded are my opinions/thoughts.
With alternative medicine i meant such bullshit like homeopathy.

Originally Posted by heidern

Yes, negative thinking further imprints negativity into your brain. If you use you inner thoughts in a positive way you'll slowly but surely imprint positivity into your brain.

Not much positive in my head these days.

Thanks for suggestions anyway.

Originally Posted by dutchguyjack

It's kind of the point you do this regardless of how you feel. Create the opportunity to do things that you're not used to doing, expand your horizon. If you find joy in certain activities, do more of it. Depression is the result of a spiral of negative thoughts and feelings about certain situations you find yourself in. Optimism and positive thought are your way out, and you'll find that outside your comfort zone.

I can't concentrate on stuff i like. I used to be able to concentrate on same thing for long time but ever since i've been depressed, my attention span is short. Really short. I pick up a new video game, play it for a few hours or a few days at most and then i get bored.
Have more to say this but no more time right now... finish the rest later.

neojubei · (04-18-2013, 04:09 AM)

Originally Posted by dutchguyjack

I apologise in advance for this but I'm not trying to patronize you here. I'm just stating my opinion on your situation, and you can take that in whichever way you like, but fat genes don't genetically determine that you are fat. They just accelerate it based on your diet (e.g. you're more sensitive to fatty food than others).

You can achieve your weight goals just as he did. You just need dedication, and you need to find a way of having fun doing it.

It's easier to throw your hands in the air and blame your problems on something else (and in the process, feel bad about yourself and life in general) than it is to take action and do something about the things you don't like, but if you don't dedicate yourself to reaching your weight goals for at least a solid two years, it's honestly not reasonable to complain about it, much less so avoid your friend because he did dedicate himself to his goals.

Take him as an aspiration, not an enemy. Skinny people are only skinny because they keep a good diet and exercise a lot. People with good bodies can generally be found at the gym 4-5 days a week, and at classes or other cardio activities the rest of the week. It doesn't come for free for anybody.

I already know I'll never lose weight. I just want to die. I already know I will never loser weight never date never have a less stressful job never have a normal life never feel good about myself never rid myself of my negative thoughts or myself. 2 years isn't going to change that. Wish I could just no wake up anymore.

dutchguyjack · 04:19 AM

Originally Posted by neojubei

I already know I'll never lose weight. I just want to die. I already know I will never loser weight never date never have a less stressful job never have a normal life never feel good about myself never rid myself of my negative thoughts or myself. 2 years isn't going to change that. Wish I could just no wake up anymore.

Wrong. You think you know. But have you ever dedicated to losing it? Have you ever tried going for the life you want to have? We create our own reality, and our actions are what defines it. Rather than lying in bed or being at home just thinking about the things that could be, go out and work on them. Solve your problems, don't let them consume you.

You can achieve anything. You just need to dedicate yourself to it.

Originally Posted by woorloog

my attention span is short. Really short. I pick up a new video game, play it for a few hours or a few days at most and then i get bored.

Playing video games is hardly outside your comfort zone though. The idea is to try new things that you haven't done before, things that aren't routine to your life. Have you ever tried Martial Arts? Find a class near you to learn some. Ever tried to learn dancing? Find a Salsa class near where you live. How about volunteering? Spend a few hours a week doing something that improves your local community. Have you ever tried social games? Compete for the most ridiculous pickup lines and use them with some random girl you don't know with the intention of getting rejected.

Try things you haven't done before, sometimes even a brief distraction can drastically improve your quality of life.

neojubei · (04-18-2013, 04:17 AM)

Originally Posted by dutchguyjack

Wrong. You think you know. But have you ever dedicated to losing it? Have you ever tried going for the life you want to have? We create our own reality, and our actions are what defines it. Rather than lying in bed or being at home just thinking about the things that could be, go out and work on them. Solve your problems, don't let them consume you.

You can achieve anything. You just need to dedicate yourself to it.

All I need to do is die and all my issues will be resolved

isuzu · (04-18-2013, 04:18 AM)

I suffer from depression, panic disorder and anxiety. They're all are pretty bad, and by bad I mean suicidal bad. I'm getting better, though. Changed doctors and medication (I was on xanax, ativan, risperidone and paxil at once) and it did wonders. Now I'm on citalopram and clonazepam and doing pretty well. The xanax withdrawals weren't fun at all, though. It was hell for the first 10 days.

My depression is still pretty bad, but instead of crying and feeling miserable 24/7, I just feel apathetic towards almost everything. Shit still sucks a lot and I feel guilty because there are people who love me a lot and sometimes I just can't give anything back.

dutchguyjack · (04-18-2013, 04:22 AM)

Originally Posted by neojubei

All I need to do is die and all my issues will be resolved

So what does death solve? Really, think about it rationally for a moment. Does it really serve as a solution for any of your problems?

It doesn't, and it would only create new problems for those closest to you. And even though you may have reached a dark point in your life, you do have people that care about you.

You are able to do the things you want to. But you need to give it time and dedication.

Death might seem like the easy way out. But ask yourself this.. is it the best? Knowing that you can achieve everything you want to achieve in your life, and you can live the rest of your life happily, filled with new people and experiences.. Is that really worth giving up?

Prax · 04:35 AM

Love all the new people coming into the thread and having the courage to write anything at all. I know there's a lot of stigma when it comes to mental illness, so even with internet anonymity, it can still be bvery difficult for some of you to even read about, let alone talk about it.

So for all you lurkers out there, you're welcome as well. I hope this thread helps you feel less alone in your struggles and that you can get some helpful insight or ideas, even if it's something small and silly to make your life brighter.

Originally Posted by neojubei

All I need to do is die and all my issues will be resolved

But you don't. And it seems like you don't do that because you still have hope. Keep holding onto that.

I found your experience with your friend really interesting. I think the conclusion you made from it was really not helpful. It would have been better to look at it from a different perspective: things happen in life, and with the really bad comes the good too. Your friend got really sick, but he was able to recover and also. Lost a lot of weight due to it. Over a period of who knows how many months of sickness. Although the same situation may not happen for you (and let's hope you don't have to go through with such an illness! The depression is enough of one to deal with), you can take it as something to learn from: Things can change.

Anyway, I'm really glad to hear that you have that friend to still talk to (even though right now you want to avoid him) and still go out to buy clothing and work out once in a while. I hope you do use some of that stubborn mindset you have on trying to improve yourself instead of tearing yourself down all the time.

SlowRevolution · 04:40 AM

Great OP.

Originally Posted by isuzu

I suffer from depression, panic disorder and anxiety. They're all are pretty bad, and by bad I mean suicidal bad. I'm getting better, though. Changed doctors and medication (I was on xanax, ativan, risperidone and paxil at once) and it did wonders. Now I'm on citalopram and clonazepam and doing pretty well. The xanax withdrawals weren't fun at all, though. It was hell for the first 10 days.

My depression is still pretty bad, but instead of crying and feeling miserable 24/7, I just feel apathetic towards almost everything. Shit still sucks a lot and I feel guilty because there are people who love me a lot and sometimes I just can't give anything back.

It's good that there's been a change, at least. Are you still on the lowest dosage for your new meds? I'm on Viibryd now which has been working great but it definitely took a while; I had the same empty, apathetic feeling you described but after a couple dosage increases the difference was huge, since I had to ease into the medicine. It's definitely a slow process (or it was with me, at least), hope everything works out.

Niamh · (04-18-2013, 04:48 AM)

Worked out for the last two days in a row, and have a class tomorrow. I'm trying to work out everyday, even if it's a short 30 minute workout with a few weights, or a jog.

Been eating healthier, giving myself time for different hobbies and past times I usually neglect too. :3 feels good man

RionaaM · 12:02 PM

EDIT: not one of my brightest posts. Sorry Neo, didn't mean to explode on you, I apologize for that. Just... just try to listen when someone tries to help you. Suicide isn't the solution to anything, please don't do it man.

And I definitely need to avoid posting when I'm having a bad day (or night, in this case). Venting my frustrations on other people is a big no, stupid me.

Foffy · (04-18-2013, 08:09 AM)

I decided to take the first of the tests in the OP, and damn am I surprised. 26 on BDI, though I believe all of my depression comes from one place, and until that place is dealt with I don't see my mood getting better. Speaking of which, instead of tossing my posts here and feeling like they're being passed up on, is anyone here willing to speak to me personally on what's up with me? Maybe a one-on-one conversation will be more productive on expressing myself and maybe finding a solution to what drags me into the mud. Lately I've wondered if I'm going to live a miserable, low-wage life and I've contemplated if such a palette is even worth living with. I've come to the conclusion I would rather be dead than live that way.

El Odio · (04-18-2013, 08:36 AM)

Nicely done OT. Will subscribe in case this thread is needed.

MisterLuffy · (04-18-2013, 10:00 AM)

Nice thread

Dipper145 · 10:36 AM

I've been through depression. I found what worked best for me was both therapy and medication. My psycologist/therapist that I saw suggested "The Feeling Good Handbook" for me to read and helped me learn some of the CBT techniques in that book. They really helped me see the errors in the way I was thinking while anxious/depressed. Medication also definitely helped me through very difficult times, although I had to switch at one point (from cipralex to pristiq). I didn't go for large drastic changes, getting out of bed and going for a short walk once a day was a big improvement for me at one point.

I've been off medication for almost a year now. I still have off days every now and then, but I'm better at recognizing early signs of my depression coming back and taking action.

I very sincerely hope anyone who's struggling right now manages to make it through this very difficult period in their life. I never thought I'd make it this far in my life, and yet here I am.