Are there any jokes that you love, but would never tell in polite company? Post them here.
Nothing racist or misogynistic, please. By racist, I mean anything making fun of a racial minority. Red-haired people are not a minority.
A guy gets on a bus and finds himself sitting across from a beautiful young nun. Enamored with her, he asks if she would ever be interested in him. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of any way for him to get with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to sleep with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him that it must be anal. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
My grandfather said my generation was too reliant on technology, so I pulled the plug on his life support to prove him wrong.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
A woman and her husband are in the emergency room and the woman has just given birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor rushes it out of the room and performs various tests. He comes back in and says, "There's good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?" The mother says, "Bad news first, then good".
The doctor says, "The bad news is, your baby's a ginger".
The mother laughed. "Well, alright! What's the good news?"
"The good news is, it's dead".
I had a joke about Jonestown, but the punchline was too long.
Last edited by Valhelm; Today at 01:46 AM.
What counts as race?
what's my favorite irrational sex act? a cream pi!
This thread will be EPIC!
So a baby seal waddles into a club...
Anthony Jeselnik's motorcycle joke.
How do you make your penis look bigger?
Have a baby hold it.
Have a baby hold it.
How does a black person eat a pizza?
The bite into it, chew, swallow and digest it.
The bite into it, chew, swallow and digest it.
pushing your own rules a bitAre there any jokes that you love, but would never tell in polite company? Post them here.
Nothing racist or misogynistic, please.
A guy gets on a bus and finds himself sitting across from a beautiful young nun. Enamored with her, he asks if she would ever be interested in him. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of any way for him to get with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to sleep with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him that it must be anal. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
My grandfather said my generation was too reliant on technology, so I pulled the plug on his life support to prove him wrong.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
A woman and her husband are in the emergency room and the woman has just given birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor rushes it out of the room and performs various tests. He comes back in and says, "There's good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?" The mother says, "Bad news first, then good".
The doctor says, "The bad news is, your baby's a ginger".
The mother laughed. "Well, alright! What's the good news?"
"The good news is, it's dead".
I had a joke about Jonestown, but the punchline was too long.
A man and his daughter walk into a doctor's office.
Man: Excuse me doctor, my daughter is turning 12, and I'd like to put her on birth control.
Doctor (surprised): Oh, is she sexually active?
Man: No, she just lies there like her mother.
Man: Excuse me doctor, my daughter is turning 12, and I'd like to put her on birth control.
Doctor (surprised): Oh, is she sexually active?
Man: No, she just lies there like her mother.
Since DB jokes seem to offend everyone equally...
How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?
Nail its other foot to the ground.
What's black and taps on glass?
Baby in a microwave
What's worse than swinging a baby around a clothesline?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What's worse than one baby in a garbage can?
One baby in five garbage cans.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies an a ferrari?
I don't move my ferrari with a pitchfork.
How can you fit 10 babies in a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out?
With tortilla chips.
What's the hardest part of the process?
My cock.
How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?
Nail its other foot to the ground.
What's black and taps on glass?
Baby in a microwave
What's worse than swinging a baby around a clothesline?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What's worse than one baby in a garbage can?
One baby in five garbage cans.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies an a ferrari?
I don't move my ferrari with a pitchfork.
How can you fit 10 babies in a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out?
With tortilla chips.
What's the hardest part of the process?
My cock.
That ginger one killed me. Caught me off guard
My old favorite:Originally Posted by Fury Sense
Since DB jokes seem to offend everyone equally...
How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?
Nail its other foot to the ground.
What's black and taps on glass?
Baby in a microwave
What's worse than swinging a baby around a clothesline?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What's worse than one baby in a garbage can?
One baby in five garbage cans.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies an a ferrari?
I don't move my ferrari with a pitchfork.
How can you fit 10 babies in a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out?
With tortilla chips.
What's the hardest part of the process?
My cock.
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw them
What was named after Minnie Mouse?
Mickey's cock.
Where does Minnie spend the most time?
In her mouse hole.
Mickey's cock.
Where does Minnie spend the most time?
In her mouse hole.
A girl in a wheelchair is crying in the park. A nice young man witnesses this during a jog and goes up to her.
"What's wrong dear?"
"I've never been hugged." Out of good will, he hugs her.
Next day, they meet again. She is still crying. "I've never been kissed." He kisses her.
Next day, she is still crying. "I've never been fucked."
He pushes her into traffic. "NOW YOU'RE FUCKED."
"What's wrong dear?"
"I've never been hugged." Out of good will, he hugs her.
Next day, they meet again. She is still crying. "I've never been kissed." He kisses her.
Next day, she is still crying. "I've never been fucked."
He pushes her into traffic. "NOW YOU'RE FUCKED."
Mildly dark:
Blind guy walks into a bar with his support dog. Starts swinging the dog overhead by the leash. Bartender yells, what the hell are you doing?? Guys says just looking around.
Blind guy walks into a bar with his support dog. Starts swinging the dog overhead by the leash. Bartender yells, what the hell are you doing?? Guys says just looking around.
What's the leading cause of paedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Sexy kids.
A kid is jealous of his younger brother because he needs milk and gets to suck his moms tits. He asks his mom to let him suck her tits but she says no. As an act of jealousy to his younger brother, he decides to put poison on his mom's nipples (don't ask how) and hopes his younger brother would die after sucking it. He wakes in the morning and guess who is dead? HIS DAD
What does oral sex with an 80 year old taste like?
Depends.
Depends.
Thisisneogaf.gif
What did the Zombie say to his wife when they headed to bed after a long day?
I just need a few minutes to decompose.
Yeah I don't really know any super dark jokes.
I just need a few minutes to decompose.
Yeah I don't really know any super dark jokes.
I thought jokes were supposed to be funny.
What's the worst thing about sex?
Having to wash all the blood off of the clown costume.
Having to wash all the blood off of the clown costume.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGuSqSSmyy0Originally Posted by Scullibundo
What's the leading cause of paedophilia?
Sexy kids.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CBgIxA2umM
Can't post them here.
this sounds like a joke funnier in another languageA kid is jealous of his younger brother because he needs milk and gets to suck his moms tits. He asks his mom to let him suck her tits but she says no. As an act of jealousy to his younger brother, he decides to put poison on his mom's nipples (don't ask how) and hopes his younger brother would die after sucking it. He wakes in the morning and guess who is dead? HIS DAD
The Aristocrats
The Aristocrats!
An elderly woman decides she wants to kill herself. She was always told the heart is underneath the breast, so she shoots herself in the knee.
What's long, brown and sticky?
A stick.
A stick.
What kind of bee collects milk?
A BOO BEE
A BOO BEE
i stuck my thumb up euler's butt and screamed, 'i struck oil!'
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?
I can't peanut butter my dick up her ass
I can't peanut butter my dick up her ass
What's the difference between a spare tire and a dead hooker?
I don't have a spare tire in the trunk of my car.
I don't have a spare tire in the trunk of my car.
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