How did the constipated mathematician work out his tricky problem?
With a pencil
How come Helen Keller can only masturbate with one hand?
She needs the other hand to moan.
She needs the other hand to moan.
eh most of the dark/ filthy jokes I know are racist.
Why was Jesus popular with the Ladies?
Because he was hung like this....
I know more but their long and I don't feel like typing all of it.
Why was Jesus popular with the Ladies?
Because he was hung like this....
I know more but their long and I don't feel like typing all of it.
really? no racist or misogynistic dark and filthy humor? Ahhh white ultra liberal people nowadays ... i'm not white but I love a good old racist joke now and again ... what a waste of a thread, neogaf mods will probably ban it as their very sensitive to this stuff anyways
Stole this one off reddit.
What's the hardest thing about watching an orphanage burn down?
My cock.
What's the hardest thing about watching an orphanage burn down?
My cock.
I don't really know any off the top of my head.
I love this one though: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhPTawZNo9Q
I love this one though: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhPTawZNo9Q
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
Aids.
Aids.
How do rednecks celebrate Halloween?
They pump kin.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the mouth.
They pump kin.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the mouth.
A man and a boy are walking through the woods, as it gets dark a wold howls in the distance, the boy grabs the mans hand and says" I`m scarred!" The man says your scarred I have to walk out of here by myself.
I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread, but it turns out it just said 'Thick Cut'
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they would be Bagles.
What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are a dollar fifty and deer nuts are just under a buck.
Please do not bant. noracist.
Because then they would be Bagles.
What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are a dollar fifty and deer nuts are just under a buck.
Please do not bant. noracist.
A Mormon checks into a hotel.
As he's leaving the front desk, he says to the clerk "I hope your porn is disabled."
The clerk replies, "It's just regular porn, you sick fuck."
As he's leaving the front desk, he says to the clerk "I hope your porn is disabled."
The clerk replies, "It's just regular porn, you sick fuck."
Got this one off somewhere that I forgot.
If a three way is called a threesome, and a 4 way is called a foursome, I guess I know why they call you handsome.
If a three way is called a threesome, and a 4 way is called a foursome, I guess I know why they call you handsome.
Who wins in a fight? A big dead rooster or a tiny live kitten?
A large stiff cock totally destroys small young pussy.
A large stiff cock totally destroys small young pussy.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic after a house fire.
A paraplegic after a house fire.
This guy is banging a five dollar whore, but he's not enjoying it at all - her vagina feels like teeth and sandpaper. He says, "I know you're working pretty cheap here, but this is really awful." She says, " No problem. I can fix that, but it's gonna cost you another five bucks." He pays her again, she goes into the bathroom, comes back out a few minutes later and they start doing it again. He enjoys himself, and afterward asks her what she did in the bathroom. She replied, "For the extra five I picked the scabs."
That's the dirtiest joke I can think of that isn't about having sex with children.
That's the dirtiest joke I can think of that isn't about having sex with children.
What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and the Pope?
The Pope will die a virgin.
The Pope will die a virgin.
Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.
Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.
I feel terrible for this.
What's the difference between Jesus and a prostitute:
The face they make when they get nailed
What's the difference between Jesus and a prostitute:
The face they make when they get nailed
This topic made me look for jokes on google which were both racist AND misogynistic. Had a better laugh than in this thread!
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull out the meat.
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull out the meat.
It is, but I don't think it is a particularly good joke. It has such a weak punchline.The Aristocrats
There is something about shocking jokes though. The shock value of it somehow makes it funnier. It only works if it is a well-crafted joke though.
Frankie Boyle used to do it all the time on Mock the Week. That's part of what made him the best thing on that show. Haven't really watched the show since he left it.
This is probably my favourite joke he did on that show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsN_M8KKBf0
Holy shit. LOLThis guy is banging a five dollar whore, but he's not enjoying it at all - her vagina feels like teeth and sandpaper. He says, "I know you're working pretty cheap here, but this is really awful." She says, " No problem. I can fix that, but it's gonna cost you another five bucks." He pays her again, she goes into the bathroom, comes back out a few minutes later and they start doing it again. He enjoys himself, and afterward asks her what she did in the bathroom. She replied, "For the extra five I picked the scabs."
That's the dirtiest joke I can think of that isn't about having sex with children.
Many of these aren't 'filthy', but just really dark and disturbing. Had high hopes for this thread. Leaving disappointed...and a little creeped out.
What's the female equivalent to a cock block?
Twat swat
Twat swat
Eh, not really sure if some of the misogynistic classics are acceptable here so I'm just gonna post the punchlines.
"Nothing you already told her twice."
"You only have to punch the information into a computer once."
"Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone."
"Get a Black & Decker."
My favourite racist joke is a bit meta, you say "How does every racist joke start?" and then exaggeratedly look around behind you to make sure nobody is there and then take a big breath and make like you're about to start telling a joke.
This is another slightly racist but kind of cute one.
Pedro is applying for US citizenship and the examiner says he has to use three English words in a sentence: Green, pink and yellow. Pedro says, "I sitting at home, the phone it goes green green so I pink it up and I say 'yellow?'"
"Nothing you already told her twice."
"You only have to punch the information into a computer once."
"Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone."
"Get a Black & Decker."
My favourite racist joke is a bit meta, you say "How does every racist joke start?" and then exaggeratedly look around behind you to make sure nobody is there and then take a big breath and make like you're about to start telling a joke.
This is another slightly racist but kind of cute one.
Pedro is applying for US citizenship and the examiner says he has to use three English words in a sentence: Green, pink and yellow. Pedro says, "I sitting at home, the phone it goes green green so I pink it up and I say 'yellow?'"
What did the deaf, dumb, blind kid get for Christmas?
Cancer
Cancer
I was outraged to find my son looking at gay, black, disabled, midget, amputee, transexual porn on the Internet.
Cheeky bastard, checking my search history.
Cheeky bastard, checking my search history.
all mine would result in a ban and be a poor reflection upon the neogaf community
San Francisco 49er football.
As a nearly full-blooded Irishman, I have very thick skin and would almost never be offended by jokes. But yeah, pretty weak that there is "no racism or misogyny" allowed but you can rip on my fellow people starving to death in masses with little to no backlash.Originally Posted by frankie_baby
pushing your own rules a bit
What's big and red and great at decorating trees?
Paul Walker's car
"I was looking for a new apartment, and found a nice place in the center of town that seemed ideal."
"It's only $1,000 a month," the woman told me. "But no children or pets."
"I had to turn it down. It was a bargain but I wasn't willing to give up my sex life."
The Suicide Hotline is so unreliable.
They always leave people hanging.
How did Jackie Kennedy find out about politics?
By picking her husband's brain
Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11?
Americans cant milk a cow for 12 years.
Where did the little girl go during the explosion?
Everywhere
Just got a call from my wife who was running in the Boston Marathon. She said they had a blast and she can't feel her legs.
Last edited by Atramental; Today at 04:02 AM.
A girl wanted to go to a prom but didn't have enough for a new dress, so she went to her dad and asked if he could buy her one. The dad said he would if she sucked him off. While sucking her dad off she asked "dad, why does your dick taste like shit?", he replied "your brother needed gas money".
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
A fsh
What do you get when you cross an Atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?
Somebody who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
What do you tell a woman with to black eyes?
nothing you already told Her twice
Somebody who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
What do you tell a woman with to black eyes?
nothing you already told Her twice
So layered, this one. Don't blame me.
Q: How do you know your father is gay?
A: His dick tastes like shit.
Q: How do you know your father is gay?
A: His dick tastes like shit.
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