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norinrad21
Banned
(01-22-2006, 12:20 AM)
http://www.myxxxblog.com/pages/jokes/laidguide.html

First, the preliminaries:

1. Be White.

If you can't meet this requirement, then be black, that's really just as good. If that's also out of the question, then be whatever you happen to be, as long as your not Brazillian or from Southeast Asia. If you're one of those, pretend to be ethnic Canadian.

2. Don't Learn Japanese.

Trust me. The girls that you will meet by following this guide have learned basic conversational English for the same reason that web designers learn Java; it is a necessary part of accomplishing their goals. They will also enjoy the chance to use their English, and will be put off if you are able to answer them in Japanese, which, if you're reading this, is unlikely.

And now, here's the step by step guide. Don't forget to take notes.

3. Go to Roppongi.

Coming from central Tokyo, Roppongi is the second to last station on the Hibiya subway line (the gray line on subway maps). If you're starting on the circular Yamanote train line, you can transfer to the Hibiya line at Ueno or Ebisu.

4. Find GasPanic.

WTF? :lol :lol :lol
demon
I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
(01-22-2006, 12:23 AM)
demon's Avatar
I will keep this in mind next time I'm in Japan.
karasu
Likes his fat guys jiggly
(01-22-2006, 12:23 AM)
karasu's Avatar
woohoo more stereotypes! go whitey go
Pedigree Chum
Banned
(01-22-2006, 12:23 AM)
But I'm South Asian :(

But I'm also Canadian :D
Yamauchi
False Pimp
(01-22-2006, 12:24 AM)
Yamauchi's Avatar
True. Japanese treat SE Asians or South Americans as sub-humans. I had an American friend of Filipino ethnicity who went there; he was so excited. Needless to say, he was crushed by the time he had returned.
Pellham
Banned
(01-22-2006, 12:25 AM)

Originally Posted by Yamauchi

True. Japanese treat SE Asians or South Americans as sub-humans. I had an American friend of Filipino ethnicity who went there; he was so excited. Needless to say, he was crushed by the time he had returned.

It was kinda stupid of him to go there expecting to get laid.

If he just acts like every other otaku who goes to Japan, he'd have a great time, shopping and being all tourist-like anyway.
kablooey
Member
(01-22-2006, 12:26 AM)
Yeah, I doubt I'd fare too well in Japan. I'm hardcore SE Asian. :P
Yamauchi
False Pimp
(01-22-2006, 12:26 AM)
Yamauchi's Avatar

Originally Posted by Pellham

It was kinda stupid of him to go there expecting to get laid.

If he just acts like every other otaku who goes to Japan, he'd have a great time, shopping and being all tourist-like anyway.

He wasn't going there to get laid. :lol He was just going there as a tourist, but he just felt bad being treated differently. Yes, he is naive.
sprsk
force push the doodoo rock
(01-22-2006, 12:27 AM)
sprsk's Avatar
Gas panic is apparently full of sluts, i dont think you have to be anything other than male to get play there.
Himuro
Banned
(01-22-2006, 12:31 AM)
That's awesome :lol

Phoenixdark gogoogo!
Malakhov
Member
(01-22-2006, 12:33 AM)
I want to go to japan now.
Cerebral Palsy
Banned
(01-22-2006, 12:34 AM)
I'm white! What are the chances of that happening!? Like 1 in a billion or something? *plans trip to Japan*
littlewig
Banned
(01-22-2006, 12:35 AM)
Gas Panic sucks ass unless your gay, since the place is usually a giant suasage fest.
Myllz
Member
(01-22-2006, 12:35 AM)
I knew I always wanted to go to Japan for some reason.
Naked Snake
(01-22-2006, 12:38 AM)
Naked Snake's Avatar
I guess I'm good *phew*
sprsk
force push the doodoo rock
(01-22-2006, 12:40 AM)
sprsk's Avatar

Originally Posted by littlewig

Gas Panic sucks ass unless your gay, since the place is usually a giant suasage fest.


because im sure everyone knows that that is the place to go to get std's
Stinkles
sober, clothed, willing
(01-22-2006, 12:45 AM)
Stinkles's Avatar
It is easy to get laid, but if you're a hideous chump in the US/Europe etc, they can discern that. Especially if you're a fucking Otaku shut-in who doesn't know how to talk to girls anyway.

If you are even halfway sociable and normally shaped (Japanese chicks will not bang fatties) then it's a breeze. However, Gas Panic is a tourist trap. The more Japanese clubs near it are a better bet. Find girls, and go talk to them. You can have good luck in Shibuya and Shinjuku too.

Also, if you want to be enraged by solicitous Canadian/Euro/US/Russian jerks then talk to the fucking weirdo halfwit club whores trying to get you to pay obscene cover charges at lousy Roppongi nite spots.
SantaC
Banned
(01-22-2006, 12:48 AM)
SantaC's Avatar
How do they treat guys who is coming from scandinavia and is white, blond and got green eyes? Never been to Japan :(
Oichi
I'm like a Hadouken, down-right Fierce!
(01-22-2006, 12:49 AM)
Oichi's Avatar
gaspanic stinks. The best place to get tail is Wall Stret or 911 in Roppongi.

And all of those rules are 100% correct. I know intermediate Japanese, I'm Korean/Filipino, and I get exactly 0 play. :(

Oh, it doesn't help that I'm a fatty either. :(

ME AM CRY.
Stinkles
sober, clothed, willing
(01-22-2006, 12:51 AM)
Stinkles's Avatar

Originally Posted by SantaCruZer

How do they treat guys who is coming from scandinavia and is white, blond and got green eyes? Never been to Japan :(


You well get fucked. And by fucked, I mean, you will have to hump a pliant, cooperative, but unadventurous series of near identical girls.

And yes, our (Euro-whitey) man parts are significantly bigger. Which is part of the deal, I guess.

And they all make that whiney, pained sounding squeak you hear in teh movies. Cultural? Dunno. Anyway, my advice is some years dusty since I have been married for two years.
jamesinclair
smells clean, brushes teeth. Also combs hair regularly.
(01-22-2006, 12:52 AM)
jamesinclair's Avatar

Originally Posted by Yamauchi

True. Japanese treat SE Asians or South Americans as sub-humans. I had an American friend of Filipino ethnicity who went there; he was so excited. Needless to say, he was crushed by the time he had returned.

Strange, since Sao Paulo has the largest amount of Japanese people outside of Japan
SantaC
Banned
(01-22-2006, 12:58 AM)
SantaC's Avatar

Originally Posted by Stinkles

You well get fucked. And by fucked, I mean, you will have to hump a pliant, cooperative, but unadventurous series of near identical girls.

And yes, our (Euro-whitey) man parts are significantly bigger. Which is part of the deal, I guess.

And they all make that whiney, pained sounding squeak you hear in teh movies. Cultural? Dunno. Anyway, my advice is some years dusty since I have been married for two years.

well I am planning to go to Japan this year anyway. When I lived in the US a couple of years ago i had an asian-american girlfriend, and she was appearently fascinated by my blonde eyebrows. I was like, um ok, whatever works for you! :P
Now these girls we're talking about here... are they prostitutes? Or just normal Japanese sluts looking for a good time?
typhonsentra
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:01 AM)

Originally Posted by SantaCruZer

well I am planning to go to Japan this year anyway.

Same here, this March actually.
Stinkles
sober, clothed, willing
(01-22-2006, 01:03 AM)
Stinkles's Avatar

Originally Posted by EGM92

Now these girls we're talking about here... are they prostitutes? Or just normal Japanese sluts looking for a good time?


Regular, often trendy sluts. If money changes hands, you have failed.
SantaC
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:03 AM)
SantaC's Avatar

Originally Posted by EGM92

Now these girls we're talking about here... are they prostitutes? Or just normal Japanese sluts looking for a good time?

I assume the latter. Anyone can get laid with prostitutes.
demon
I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
(01-22-2006, 01:04 AM)
demon's Avatar

Originally Posted by EGM92

Now these girls we're talking about here... are they prostitutes? Or just normal Japanese sluts looking for a good time?

Who cares!
jamesinclair
smells clean, brushes teeth. Also combs hair regularly.
(01-22-2006, 01:10 AM)
jamesinclair's Avatar

Originally Posted by Stinkles

Regular, often trendy sluts. If money changes hands, you have failed.

Whats a non trendy slut?

Originally Posted by jamesinclair

Whats a non trendy slut?

...I want to see what a Trendy slut looks like.
sprsk
force push the doodoo rock
(01-22-2006, 01:13 AM)
sprsk's Avatar

Originally Posted by jamesinclair

Whats a non trendy slut?


a slut?
Malakhov
Member
(01-22-2006, 01:15 AM)

Originally Posted by EGM92

...I want to see what a Trendy slut looks like.

typhonsentra
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:16 AM)
Google search comes up with this:
Stinkles
sober, clothed, willing
(01-22-2006, 01:18 AM)
Stinkles's Avatar

Originally Posted by EGM92

...I want to see what a Trendy slut looks like.


Malakhov
Member
(01-22-2006, 01:19 AM)
I'd hit the one on the left but meh, these look just like normal girls in America.

Japanese trendy sluts = American girls
DarkAngelYuna
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:27 AM)

Originally Posted by Pellham

It was kinda stupid of him to go there expecting to get laid.

If he just acts like every other otaku who goes to Japan, he'd have a great time, shopping and being all tourist-like anyway.

You really are dumb aren't you..
Mr. E. Yis
(01-22-2006, 01:27 AM)
Mr. E. Yis's Avatar
Am I missing something? What's the deal with Japanese not liking Brazilians?
shuri
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:31 AM)
shuri's Avatar

Originally Posted by Stinkles

And they all make that whiney, pained sounding squeak you hear in teh movies. Cultural? Dunno. Anyway, my advice is some years dusty since I have been married for two years.

We need confirmation on this
Drozmight
Member
(01-22-2006, 01:35 AM)
I stayed in a hotel once (was a really nice) and it had a lot of Japanese tourists and business people staying in it all the time. The rooms had kitchens and you could really smell their cooking in the halls. Apprently, according to the shuttle drivers and what not, there are also a whole lot of prostitues living there. Japanese prostitues and non-Japanese prostitutes. If only I had the money.

...but I'd probably just used it to order Japanese food instead.
koam
(01-22-2006, 01:35 AM)
koam's Avatar
ethnic canadians for the win!
Eric Walton
(01-22-2006, 01:36 AM)
Eric Walton's Avatar
please tell me this can be confirmed.
Pedigree Chum
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:36 AM)

Originally Posted by koam

ethnic canadians for the win!

*dances*
Himuro
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:37 AM)

Originally Posted by shuri

We need confirmation on this

:lol :lol
shuri
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:37 AM)
shuri's Avatar

Originally Posted by Himuro

:lol :lol

Or denial.
Himuro
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:38 AM)

Originally Posted by shuri

Or denial.

No, it has to be true! Japanese women cry when they have sex! Myth or fact!
Rekwest
Member
(01-22-2006, 01:43 AM)
Rekwest's Avatar

Originally Posted by Reno

The best place to get tail is a hore house

ME AM CRY.

That works every where. :lol
Meier
(01-22-2006, 01:44 AM)
Meier's Avatar

Originally Posted by sp0rsk

Gas panic is apparently full of sluts, i dont think you have to be anything other than male to get play there.

hah, oasis have a song called Gas Panic.
shuri
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:46 AM)
shuri's Avatar
I don't know about you folks, but a club called Gas Panic can only be awesome.
Mr Mike
1 million Canadian dollars
(01-22-2006, 01:50 AM)

Originally Posted by Stinkles

Is that a scene from the Japanese version of The O.C. (Marissa's on the right)
nitewulf
Banned
(01-22-2006, 01:52 AM)
though i am from south east asia, i dont look indian at all...i might have a shot.
marvelharvey
Member
(01-22-2006, 01:53 AM)
marvelharvey's Avatar

2. Don't Learn Japanese.

Trust me. The girls that you will meet by following this guide have learned basic conversational English for the same reason that web designers learn Java; it is a necessary part of accomplishing their goals. They will also enjoy the chance to use their English, and will be put off if you are able to answer them in Japanese, which, if you're reading this, is unlikely.

OK, going to stereotype a bit here but do the fucking opposite of the above. If you're at a club and a girl comes to talk to you in English, she's probably laid 100s of white guys before you and you'll be going home with some STDs.

[/overgeneralization]

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