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What is up with strangers telling people to smile?
- Thread starter Skiesofwonder
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weemadarthur
Member
Dang, I've gotten off lightly through my life; I only rarely hear it.
I guess it's partly due to inheriting my dad's slowness of response time. By the time I realize a) someone spoke, b) it was to me, c) remember the content of the words - they're so uncomfortable they leave before I can say "what?"
Xisiqomelir
Member
There is a miserable sourpuss Defence Force?
Devolution
Member
Yes that's it, you've figured us all out.
User 100115
Banned
No, there is a 'I should not be obligated to change the appearance of face so it's more pleasing for you to look upon' force.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Did you make it this far without social skills, or is this just a particular blind spot for you?
weemadarthur
Member
You know what? I'm cool with that title.
Now step off before I raise just one eyebrow at you.
EdibleKnife
Member
I'm not your dancing monkey.
way more
Member
Haha. I can understand such a D-Force more than the other ones GAF has produced.
Edit: But yes, of course.
YesNOnoNOYes
Member
Gasp. There is a "self-entitled to smiles despite people's discomfort" Defence Force?
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Dont really get the hate, the person is likely in a joyous mood and wants to spread it. I also like it when I'm on a down day and someone makes a quick quip to me to to get me up again.
One time in Junior year a girl hugged me because she said I looked like I needed one. Easily one of the nicest gestures I've gotten and was in awe when it happened.
One time in Junior year a girl hugged me because she said I looked like I needed one. Easily one of the nicest gestures I've gotten and was in awe when it happened.
AllIsOneIsNone
Banned
If someone asked me to smile, I'd grab their arm and skip down the sidewalk and point at buildings and clouds.
It's a weird thing to say.
It's a weird thing to say.
Hahaha, yea.
ShironRedshift
Member
Why does someone not wanting to change their facial expression at the whim of a stranger mean that they're a miserable sourpuss? What if they're happy and just don't feel like smiling just for the pleasure of someone they don't know? And what if they have very good reason for not being happy, like suffering from a terrible depression or just having a pet, friend, or relative die? Just being told to smile by a complete stranger is hardly going to make such a person feel better. Instead of telling a stranger to smile just because you say so, how about trying to do something to actually make them feel like smiling, like just helping them with something or actually trying to make conversation with them?
A person's hardly a miserable sourpuss for simply not smiling on the whim of another person pleasure though, with that person just telling them to do so without actually giving them any reason to feel like it--just try and imagine that from the other person's perspective, and imagine how they feel being told to smile by a complete stranger who has no idea what their current mood actually is, what's going on in their life or anything, and just wants them to smile anyway for their own benefit without knowing any of that stuff, just so they, a complete stranger who's unaware of what's going on with you or anything, can feel a bit better, without even knowing if there's anything wrong or if they can help or anything and just expecting the other person to smile on their whim anyway?
No offense may be meant by it at all and some people may say it with the best of intentions, but when you actually take the time to think about it, it's really not much of a kind or caring thing to say after all and is really just kinda stupid. If you want someone to smile, try and do what you can to make them happy or help them out or whatever, but don't expect them to smile or change their mood or whatever just because a complete stranger said so--that doesn't really make any sense at all and is really kinda rude.
lunarworks
Member
Angelina Jolie once told me to smile.
Ten years later, I'm still not sure what to make of it.
Ten years later, I'm still not sure what to make of it.
YesNOnoNOYes
Member
I will try to tell people to "Jump!" at random, when they tell me to "Smile!" in the future, I think.
Cuz, it almost sounds the same to me~
Cuz, it almost sounds the same to me~
lolSmile bb
TwiztidElf
Member
.
I don't have a problem with people smiling at me. I actually like that. It's being told to smile that irritates.
Fury Sense
Member
i almost told someone to smile once (nonverbally). i thought about putting my fingers on the corners of my mouth and pushing up to illustrate to them a smile. my motivation was that she looked unhappy and i thought i could both cheer her up a bit as well as get to see a pretty face. ended up not doing it because, well, who cares... life is meaningless and i knew i'd never see that person again. i guess her frown spread to me faster than my smile to her lol
I just don't understand what people expect when they say that. Do you really ever see people walking around smiling at nothing on the regular? If I went about my usual business smiling in public all the damn time people would think I was insane. No one does it. It's fucking weird.
Yes, that is inappropriate almost all of the time. 3 years ago I was standing out in front of a Sally's, smoking a cigarette, waiting for my wife to grab a couple of hair products. I wasn't in the emotional state you described but I guess I looked noticeably down and this guy came up to me from the parking lot and asked me what I was frowning for. That I should smile because my face will get stuck like that. Without changing my expression I told him I would take it under consideration. He didn't leave and instead crossed his arms and threw his leg out to the side. He literally stood there with this smug expression and expected me to throw out a smile right there in front of him. All that did was piss me off and I wasn't even originally mad to begin with. As politely as I could I said "excuse me", put out my cig, and walked into the Sally's.
Now, as someone who tries to brighten somebody else's mood it only fueled that sense of caution I have. There's too many things I don't know about the person for me to just blunt like that. The act of kindness is a powerful thing and it has to be done wisely.
I actually had a woman get mad at me a few months ago for holding a door open. Told me it was rude to rush people. Funny thing is, I wasn't even holding it open for her. My wife was behind her with our newborn in a large stroller. Some people just don't want anything, lol.
TAJ
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
I've never once heard someone say this to anyone except in the context of taking a picture.
The closest thing I've heard is "Chin up.", which isn't really very close.
I do regularly get "Say something funny." which bothers me. I hate being put on the spot about anything.
The closest thing I've heard is "Chin up.", which isn't really very close.
I do regularly get "Say something funny." which bothers me. I hate being put on the spot about anything.
Dirtyshubb
Member
I have always hated this shit, and I know my wife gets it and she can't stand it either.
The examples that always set me off though was my mother in law, she would always say it to my sister in laws partner, and then call him a miserable bastard behind his back. Thing is, he suffers from depression and schizophrenia so at times he zones out or is just quiet. If you engage him like a normal person and just talk he is fine, but in her eyes he was miserable and the fact he suffered a medical condition that could explain his attitude didn't matter.
Like others have said, you don't know the person and what's going on in their life so saying smile could either be totally useless or even make things worse. In that case, the only person who benefits from the smile is you.
The examples that always set me off though was my mother in law, she would always say it to my sister in laws partner, and then call him a miserable bastard behind his back. Thing is, he suffers from depression and schizophrenia so at times he zones out or is just quiet. If you engage him like a normal person and just talk he is fine, but in her eyes he was miserable and the fact he suffered a medical condition that could explain his attitude didn't matter.
Like others have said, you don't know the person and what's going on in their life so saying smile could either be totally useless or even make things worse. In that case, the only person who benefits from the smile is you.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
I've never experienced this
because most people seem like they don't want to talk to me in the first place
Is this an American thing? If someone did this here in Belgium I would be extremely shocked. Not that belgians are antisocial or anything, we just like minding our own business and not having people randomly talk to us without knowing anything about us. If I'm not smiling because I'm having a shitty day, you telling me to smile will do the opposite of improve it.
Thankfully, it isn't really common to experience that in Germany, as most people here don't talk randomly to strangers.
But I did experience it by some fellow student who was always rather extroverted and thought she should bring her happiness upon others. As I was on good terms with her I explained that I appreciated it if she would smile at me but that I don't like it when others tell me how to feel and that, for me, telling me to smile is the same thing. I don't think she really understood why this was a problem for me but at least she refrained from further doing it.
Also, on a general remark, I really believe that she had no selfish intentions whatsoever, but that's why have a saying in Germany that goes something like "Well-intended is the opposite of done well."
But I did experience it by some fellow student who was always rather extroverted and thought she should bring her happiness upon others. As I was on good terms with her I explained that I appreciated it if she would smile at me but that I don't like it when others tell me how to feel and that, for me, telling me to smile is the same thing. I don't think she really understood why this was a problem for me but at least she refrained from further doing it.
Also, on a general remark, I really believe that she had no selfish intentions whatsoever, but that's why have a saying in Germany that goes something like "Well-intended is the opposite of done well."
I don't think anybody's really trying to marginalize serious issues or problem. What I do take issue is the fact that the OP wrote a lengthy outlined post where he probably gave more thought to the initial comment than the giver did initially. I mean you could of just walked it off, instead some of you seem actively determined to be frowny all the time.
It just strikes me as very irrational and bizarre. It's like when atheists get upset when someone says "God bless you" not realizing that they probably didn't even intend for the statement to have religious connotations at all.
JensenBeeswax
Member
Gott sei Dank, right?
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
I've got an awful case of "Resting bitch face". I don't care if I'm radiating post-coital bliss, my face is always the same expression which I've been told is "angry". My interior life is actually a rather positive one, but I get people telling me to smile all the time. I really do hate it.
When people tell me this, I always say without missing a beat nor altering my stony expression; "I am". People can't help their face, for fuck's sake.
Plus, I always thought Joe Friday was the fucking coolest.
When people tell me this, I always say without missing a beat nor altering my stony expression; "I am". People can't help their face, for fuck's sake.
Plus, I always thought Joe Friday was the fucking coolest.
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