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the end of an era: Tim's Final Gaming-Age Hate Mail Thread

bishoptl

Banstick Emeritus
As some of you are already aware, I used to write for this wonderful website. Reviewing and previewing games was a lot of fun, I met some really cool people and made great contacts. I also received some of the funniest hate mail you’ll ever read. True, a lot of it was the run-of-the-mill “YUO = SONY LUVIN F4G0t” troglodyte-style nonsense, but every now and then a true classic would saunter across my door. Those I would keep and print out, to savour and laugh at with my well-heeled industry friends before we retired to the VIP room to snort baby finger-thick rails of cocaine off the muscled, nubile buttocks of young Aryan women named Alexis...or Nikki...or Krystal…or Jenni...

But I digress.

I’ve completed my first game since leaving GA to rejoin the development community, and as such, I feel it’s finally time to let go of old things. Time to clean out the Comedy folder in my e-mail account to create more space, so that my Viagra spam and heartbreaking pleadings from rich Nigerians are no longer bounced into the ether. Each mail I share with you is one more step away from my previous life as hard-hitting internet game journalist, and one step closer to developer demi-god.

It’s not all hate mail – sometimes people just want to talk, and who better to listen than a friendly videogame site staff member? Remember that, the next time you’re tempted to write a scathing screed to some poor schlep at Kikizo or 1UP regarding their shameful inability to tell the difference between sparks/blue shadows/30fps vs 60fps…those men and women work hard every day to ensure that you get the gaming info you deserve, and they’re here for you. All of them, even WarPig. Hell, especially WarPig.

Enjoy, and God bless you all.

TIM

PS. I am not Paul Bryant! So kindly quit calling my house and waffling into the damn phone, Xbots.

I am very bummed out about this game as . I cannot seem to understand why EA would release this game so half-baked. They could have done soooo much more, but they seemed to intentionally just fumble this game into our consumer hands, and insult our intelligence by lowering the price by ten bucks! EARTH TO EA, WE WOULDN'T CARE ABOUT PAYING AN EXTRA TEN BILLS IF THE GAME WAS WORTH IT IN FUN. Two hours and i'm completely bored with it, and multiplayer sucks!!!! As commented before, where's the multiplayer Cop Chase mode?? And TRAFFIC in multiplayer? No night driving? I CANT BURN DONUTS IN A MCLAREN WITHOUT HITTING THE GUARDRAIL! IN NFS 3 HP I SURE COULD! Ea has let me down for the last time. P.s how bout the crappy EA intro at the load of the game? WTF is that, man, i could go on forever. I PROCLAIM THAT THE NFS SERIES IS OFFICIALLY DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tabarnak de coliss..

Your very best of the site is become the worst of the shit of the site... because of your fuckshit of the mother fucker of spam (popup)..

if you don't happy of my FUCKING opinion.. BAN me of your FUCKING WEB SITE OF THE SHIT!!..

remember.. you web site it was a great site.. but just because the fucking shit advertising banner(popup).. your site is the fucking shit site
************************************************
Legendary Warrior
PLUMERS ARE FUKKIN GREAT. IF IT AINT MATURE, IT WUDNT BE SO DAMN HARD, U NO WOT IM TALKIN ABOUT. IVE NEVER USED SO MUCH ADULT FUKIN LANGUAGE PLAYIN ANY OTHER GAME, NEITHER HAVE I PLAYED A MORE ENJOYABLE GAME THAN MARIO SUNSHINE SO STOP UR HATIN SHIT AND GIV NINTENDO THE RESPECT IT DESERVES FOR KEEPIN THE INDUSTRY SAFE. IF IT WERENT FOR THE POPULARITY OF THE NINTENDO GAMES BAK IN THE 80'S, GAMES WUDNT HAVE THE WIDESPREAD ATTENTION THEY HAV NOW AND THE INDUTRY WUDNT BE SO FUKKIN DEVELOPED. U SHUD LIK NINTENDOS ARSE U FUKIN MAGGOT. U WANTED TO BE SPOKEN TO LIKE AN ADULT DIDNT U? SO DONT BE FUKIN INSULTED U PEE BRAINED BASTARD, ADULT SHIT ISNT ALWAYS GOOD IS IT? FUKIN IDIOT. U JUS REMEMBER WOT NINTENDO HAS ACHIEVED BEFORE U FUKK IT K? SEGA ND NINTENDO ARE THE MORE DEVOTED AND HARDWORKIN COMPANIES, IM SIKK OF FUKERS LIKE U WHO FORGET THAT THEY WERE PROB PLAYIN THEIR MACHINES WHEN THEY FIRST GOT IN TO GAMIN, WAAAAAY B4 XBOX AND PS2 WERE MADE. I HOPE MARIO HAS A PLUG AT UR BAKSIDE U FUKIN DUMB HOARE, SKIPIN FROM COMPANY 2 COMPANY LIKE SOM SORT OF STUPID MAGNETIC METAL THAT IS ATTRACTED TO SHIT. LET ME SUM THIS UP. TIM=FUKIN SLUT SHAG DOLL WITH NO BRAIN.
THANK YOU FOR THE CRACKING REVIEW!
tim,

congratulations on taking a swipe at the left while reviewing a game which constantly underlines the worst excesses of the right wing 80s and points the finger at present day (the governor is "Shrub" remember?) lock jaw lock step conservative robot thought which might not be as vocal as Joe Lieberman only because it's too busy dismantling your constitutional rights. Most of us bed wetting leftists are sitting on our piss stained mattresses as I speak hooked up to Vice City because we appreate the prolific and the beautiful and by god i mean also the beauty of pixilated thirteen car pile ups and golf club beat downs.
And we are the ones who go out on the streets and march into face offs with police and angry militarists in reality and know first hand the necessity of non violence because it is keeps your head in one piece.
So don't stop at calling the leftists just bed wetters as throughout time they've been getting the sheets wet, sure, but also the streets, their clothes, their friends' hands, cop riot shields, wooden batons, cotton fields, factories, campuses, battle grounds and hospital gurneys pretty much drenched in blood.
You overrate all Sony games and you underrate all Xbox games.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOUR FUCKED FAGS WHO SHOULD ALL BE KILLED.

BUT EVEN WITH YOUR ANTI MICROSOFT BS YOU CANT STOP US. THE XBOX HAS
ALREADY KILLED LAMEPUBE AND SOON WELL HAVE KILLED THE GAYSTATION!

PS: DONT DRINK YOIUR TAP WATER.... UNLESS U WANT TO BE DEAD!
How the hell did Splinter Cell only get a fucking A-. It deserves a A+ you retarded losers! Fuck, I bet if it was on the GAYSTATION UD GIVE IT
A A++++++++.

WELL FUCK YOU
I came to the defense of Miguel, who was banned one day, and for saying:

"That is ridiculous. Damage control at its finest. Like any of you mods or admins would actually listen to an e-mail, probably wouldn't even read the thing. We were all just having some fun with posting images. And now the fact Miguel is banned just makes it all the more sad."

I get a two week ban. Clearly you were bitter someone could be challenging your almight authority, and since you are in the opressive GA clique, you do not need any justification in what you do and what you decide. It is a pity that many of the great users have to go to such a poorly run forum with such arrogant and self centered mods, always reminding everyone that the forums are private, and everyone must obey. GA is a very active forum, but I would be hard pressed to found a more poorly run forum. It would be very difficult to find a place ran by more arrogant and self centered people than GA has running it, with you being the forerunner (yes, I know you care nothing about what I think, or any other user at GA, hell, you probably only consider what mods say in any seriousness.You can spin it however you like to. You can ban me for another ten years, because I do not plan to come back (yes, this probably makes you happy, less people to challenge your ultimate authority.) You won't see me in the chat either, considering the people that run it. You may think highly of yourselves, yet you are no different than any others that use their power to censor other's thoughts. The huge influx of users that GA has gotten over the years has probably gone to your head. I have obviously wasted my time typing this, and it will be better to find a place with more friendly people, since friendliness is nowhere to be found at GA.
Are you crazy ???
I'm from Brazil and I'm reading your review about Ninja Gaiden NOW !!!

YOU ARE CRAZY, SUCKERS !!!!!
FUCK YOU !!

THIS IS THE BEST GAME EVER MADE !!!

HERE IN BRAZIL, NO ONE LIKES YOU, BECAUSE YOUR REVIEWS ARE SHEET !!!!
OH MY GOD, THIS GUYS NEEDS BRAIN....

THE WORST SITE IN THE WORLD, THE WORST REVIEWERS IN THE PLANET
So as we all know you loves whores. They don't have to be the prettiest, or the smartest, or even competent. They just need that one quality that you loves so much..a sony brand on their pussy lips so you can suck on your favourite company, asshole
I NEED SOME HELP TO TRY TO BEAT SMACKDOWN 4 AND HOW I CAN INTO
THE MOVIE OF SMACKDOWN 4
LOVE
BRIAN
Sounds like someone is doing a little more cheerleading than necessary. Most gamers dont care about market shares. we just want the 411 on gaming not M$ 8% share increases
iwont a game younow wooooo
My hats off to you sir, for being one of the few if not ONLY reviewer to tell it like it is! Matrix is pure rubbish no gameplay in it what so ever. How disappointing it is for me to read the other reviewsall i see is B'sand A's. Thats just unacceptable! thank you for Manning up and giving this hunk of crap what it deserves. Far too many sheep are fooled by the license. If two copies sold thats 2 to many , sadly it sold 1 mill.
Gamestop is a Nazi regime and need to be stopped!!!

hHelp me overfthrow them
I have, of late, taken note of the excellent work Paul Bryant has been doing for your site. His review style is truly innovative. For example, for his review of Voodoo Vince, he made the ballsy decision to avoid playing the game altogether, opting instead to piece together excerpts from earlier previews and call them a review. In doing so, he has managed to conserve
valuable time and resources. I applaud him for his innovative approach to video game criticism. Keep up the good work, Mr. Bryant!
my name is john and i would to inquier about being sent a free x-box
In order to help recitfy this injustice, please pass this on to the the appropriate party:
I've noticed that this Mike Works guy will ban people for using the term "damage control" and even banned somebody by saying "next person posting in this topic will be banned for a week." I have no clue why he does this but I've been banned from the forums for 3 weeks running
So this guy is essentially banning me because he doesn't like me and will enforce future bannings because he doesn't like me? Please get rid of this mod in order to ensure that the integrity of the boards doesn't suffer and do the right thing by allowing me onto the boards once again. Being banned 3 weeks simply for somebody's hatred of you is not only downright pathetic but also ridiculous. Stop this mod from abusing his power.
I read the Gaming Age review of Gotham 2, and it is simply FUCKTARDINGATION abysmal
Although you gave PG2 a b, the result is an 80% at gamerankings.com, which is far below 10 other reviews, which have scored it from 93 and up. Even IGN gave it a 95. You guys, or should I say Paul Bryant, might want to reconsider that.
I've signed up for the forums a long ass time ago and you dipshits still haven't allowed me to view the site. What the fuck.
you are a fucking fucktard!! the camera could have been better, but it was meant to be up-close so you could see the action and decapitations better. name me a game besides splinter cell that has a better camera! maybe PoP but it was not that great. even if it had a mediocre camera which it doesn't, the gameplay completely makes up for it.

go fuck yourself!

thank you

thomas
After reading Paul Bryant's review on Ninja Gaiden I am sad to say I will never read another review on your website ever again. It is obvious that this particular reviewer has little or no experience reviewing either 3rd person action adventure games or GAMES at all for that matter, that or he is simply not qualified for the position. His petty gripes about the camera
system while stemmed in truth were neither as problematic nor dramatic as made out by Mr. Bryant. I understand that all people have the right to their own opinion, yet it seems somehow irresponsible to have a review this poorly written and conceived in your otherwise fine site. I imagine that others in your own office probably share this same opinion and it may be a good
idea to retract this review or just have a second opinion available. Not only is his critique of the camera system overzealous, his non-understanding of the advanced level of actual gameplay itself is mind-boggling.

For those who actually put forth an effort to use certain techniques during the game, they will find it has a fantastic depth that only gets better as you go. Something rare indeed, in games today. Perhaps this is not his forte' in the gaming world, is he more of an FPS kind-of guy, RPG's maybe? I even read a thread on another site that accused him of being payed off by Sony. Of course I'm sure thats rubbish, but ...
It is very clear that Paul, your reviewer for Ninja Gaiden is looking for nothing more then to put down the game in any way that he can. It is disgusting to see such an attempt from a game site such as yours. Anyone with enough intelligence to write an article and include such deceptive comments should not become "confused" when playing the game. Especially if a 12 year old can have a clear understanding of whats going on. To judge a games rating partially on the reviewers inability to defend himself through the game is just pathetic. I enjoy reading reviews on games, so I can make a good choice when going out to buy a game. However, after reading this review, and to play this game first hand, it is obvious your site does not supply reliable and accurate information. Thanks for the previous reviews...though I'm not sure just how accurate they are now. I won't be coming to this site anymore. ! I'm going to make sure everyone that I talk to is aware of this too if the are not already.
dumbasses
I recently purchased the getaway and i thought it was such a great game except one thing kept pissin me off. What is wiht these damn controls,they suck ass,how could you get such shitty ass programers to work on such a good game.They are more lame than my family reunions. The character movement doesnt even make any sense,if you leaned up against a wall to maybe dodge a laser-beam or two you try to get off and he runs right into it cause the controls are FUCKED
Hopefully the production company won't make the same mistake twice and hire a bunch
of over-rated DUESCH-BAG programmers,then maybe they might have a masterpiece on
their hands. Maybe you can relay this over to the production crew of the game
since their website doesnt have e-mail.....It would greatly be appreciated.
My Xbox is not functioning. The light flashes but it will not respond.
u look like Billy Dee from star wars
 

xsarien

daedsiluap
You overrate all Sony games and you underrate all Xbox games.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOUR FUCKED FAGS WHO SHOULD ALL BE KILLED.

BUT EVEN WITH YOUR ANTI MICROSOFT BS YOU CANT STOP US. THE XBOX HAS
ALREADY KILLED LAMEPUBE AND SOON WELL HAVE KILLED THE GAYSTATION!

PS: DONT DRINK YOIUR TAP WATER.... UNLESS U WANT TO BE DEAD!

This is brilliance.
 

IJoel

Member
PLUMERS ARE FUKKIN GREAT. IF IT AINT MATURE, IT WUDNT BE SO DAMN HARD, U NO WOT IM TALKIN ABOUT. IVE NEVER USED SO MUCH ADULT FUKIN LANGUAGE PLAYIN ANY OTHER GAME, NEITHER HAVE I PLAYED A MORE ENJOYABLE GAME THAN MARIO SUNSHINE SO STOP UR HATIN SHIT AND GIV NINTENDO THE RESPECT IT DESERVES FOR KEEPIN THE INDUSTRY SAFE. IF IT WERENT FOR THE POPULARITY OF THE NINTENDO GAMES BAK IN THE 80'S, GAMES WUDNT HAVE THE WIDESPREAD ATTENTION THEY HAV NOW AND THE INDUTRY WUDNT BE SO FUKKIN DEVELOPED. U SHUD LIK NINTENDOS ARSE U FUKIN MAGGOT. U WANTED TO BE SPOKEN TO LIKE AN ADULT DIDNT U? SO DONT BE FUKIN INSULTED U PEE BRAINED BASTARD, ADULT SHIT ISNT ALWAYS GOOD IS IT? FUKIN IDIOT. U JUS REMEMBER WOT NINTENDO HAS ACHIEVED BEFORE U FUKK IT K? SEGA ND NINTENDO ARE THE MORE DEVOTED AND HARDWORKIN COMPANIES, IM SIKK OF FUKERS LIKE U WHO FORGET THAT THEY WERE PROB PLAYIN THEIR MACHINES WHEN THEY FIRST GOT IN TO GAMIN, WAAAAAY B4 XBOX AND PS2 WERE MADE. I HOPE MARIO HAS A PLUG AT UR BAKSIDE U FUKIN DUMB HOARE, SKIPIN FROM COMPANY 2 COMPANY LIKE SOM SORT OF STUPID MAGNETIC METAL THAT IS ATTRACTED TO SHIT. LET ME SUM THIS UP. TIM=FUKIN SLUT SHAG DOLL WITH NO BRAIN.
THANK YOU FOR THE CRACKING REVIEW!

Aww shit...

:lol :lol :lol
 

DarienA

The black man everyone at Activision can agree on
You overrate all Sony games and you underrate all Xbox games.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOUR FUCKED FAGS WHO SHOULD ALL BE KILLED.

BUT EVEN WITH YOUR ANTI MICROSOFT BS YOU CANT STOP US. THE XBOX HAS
ALREADY KILLED LAMEPUBE AND SOON WELL HAVE KILLED THE GAYSTATION!

PS: DONT DRINK YOIUR TAP WATER.... UNLESS U WANT TO BE DEAD!

This is f'n poetry.....
 

D2M15

DAFFY DEUS EGGS
go fuck yourself!

thank you

thomas

laugh.gif


Sig of the century.
 

Razoric

Banned
You overrate all Sony games and you underrate all Xbox games.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOUR FUCKED FAGS WHO SHOULD ALL BE KILLED.

BUT EVEN WITH YOUR ANTI MICROSOFT BS YOU CANT STOP US. THE XBOX HAS
ALREADY KILLED LAMEPUBE AND SOON WELL HAVE KILLED THE GAYSTATION!

PS: DONT DRINK YOIUR TAP WATER.... UNLESS U WANT TO BE DEAD!

I just bursted out laughing at work. My god... LOL
 
Are you crazy ???
I'm from Brazil and I'm reading your review about Ninja Gaiden NOW !!!

YOU ARE CRAZY, SUCKERS !!!!!
FUCK YOU !!

THIS IS THE BEST GAME EVER MADE !!!

HERE IN BRAZIL, NO ONE LIKES YOU, BECAUSE YOUR REVIEWS ARE SHEET !!!!
OH MY GOD, THIS GUYS NEEDS BRAIN....

THE WORST SITE IN THE WORLD, THE WORST REVIEWERS IN THE PLANET

this one is my fav.
laugh.gif
 

AniHawk

Member
Although you gave PG2 a b, the result is an 80% at gamerankings.com, which is far below 10 other reviews, which have scored it from 93 and up. Even IGN gave it a 95. You guys, or should I say Paul Bryant, might want to reconsider that.

I love how he's trying to sound all civil. :lol
 

bishoptl

Banstick Emeritus
Slo said:
I hope you're not leaving the site altogether are you bish?
I quit writing in February when I joined Relic [conflict of interest], but rest assured you people will have to deal with my half-baked rants here on the forum for some time to come.
 

Mama Smurf

My penis is still intact.
So as we all know you loves whores. They don't have to be the prettiest, or the smartest, or even competent. They just need that one quality that you loves so much..a sony brand on their pussy lips so you can suck on your favourite company, asshole

*copies insult down*

That one's a keeper.
 

AirBrian

Member
How the hell did Splinter Cell only get a fucking A-. It deserves a A+ you retarded losers! Fuck, I bet if it was on the GAYSTATION UD GIVE IT
A A++++++++.

WELL FUCK YOU
:lol :lol :lol

Priceless.
 

TekunoRobby

Tag of Excellence
BAN me of your FUCKING WEB SITE OF THE SHIT!!..
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? Oh that's right:
YOU ARE CRAZY, SUCKERS !!!!!
FUCK YOU !!

Why do people think that reviewers work for videogame companies?
my name is john and i would to inquier about being sent a free x-box
My Xbox is not functioning. The light flashes but it will not respond.
Maybe you can relay this over to the production crew of the game
since their website doesnt have e-mail.....It would greatly be appreciated.

The anti-conservative one was hysterical, such a classic response rofl.
 

Future

Member
Holy shit. :lol Haven't laughed that hard from a post on this forum for a long time. Post of the Century.

AND FUCK YOU ALL GA BIZTCHES!!!

Thank you

Future
 

epmode

Member
I have, of late, taken note of the excellent work Paul Bryant has been doing for your site. His review style is truly innovative. For example, for his review of Voodoo Vince, he made the ballsy decision to avoid playing the game altogether, opting instead to piece together excerpts from earlier previews and call them a review. In doing so, he has managed to conserve
valuable time and resources. I applaud him for his innovative approach to video game criticism. Keep up the good work, Mr. Bryant!
nice.
 

Joe

Member
You overrate all Sony games and you underrate all Xbox games.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOUR FUCKED FAGS WHO SHOULD ALL BE KILLED.

i couldn't laugh at any of the others because they just couldn't compare to that one. :lol :lol
 

Azih

Member

Dave Long

Banned
This one's definitely channelling the immortal Sokwoo Lee...

Tabarnak de coliss..

Your very best of the site is become the worst of the shit of the site... because of your fuckshit of the mother fucker of spam (popup)..

if you don't happy of my FUCKING opinion.. BAN me of your FUCKING WEB SITE OF THE SHIT!!..

remember.. you web site it was a great site.. but just because the fucking shit advertising banner(popup).. your site is the fucking shit site
************************************************
Legendary Warrior

For those that don't know...

http://groups.google.com/groups?q=a...41548040.9653-100000@icarus.cc.uic.edu&rnum=1

It truly is poetry.
 

TekunoRobby

Tag of Excellence
LOL Dave that was brilliant.

Sokwoo Lee said:
I have subscribed this newsgroup for a month. I thought you people are
discussing all kind of strategy games. Since i am also crazy about
turn-based all real-time strategy games, I had great expectation on this
group. But you all f_cking people have only big mouse. Many people
follow the someone's notes (totally not related to strategy games), and
those f_cking messages gave me f_cking headache. I know you all have
freedom
to speak or write, but you people are doing too much.
Since old man says "NOBody scares shit to avoid, but they avoid because
its f_cking dirty. I will stop subscribing this fucking newsgroup.
If you have any other words, fuck you.
 

Dave Long

Banned
That post is legendary. It still comes up regularly on USENET and elsewhere as one of the all-time greats. You can quote Sokwoo just about anywhere and there will be someone that knows it word for word. Classic stuff. I was reading CSIPGS in '99 when it was posted too. It stood out even then. :)
 
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