Letterbomb
Banned
Fuck me. I am dead today.
Girlfriend lives with her family still, but I've come to know her family and really love them. I hang out there all the time and periodically help her parents with their side business, so I was given a spare key to the place. Well, today their family went out to Temecula for wine tasting, and the plan was for them to stay in a hotel overnight so they could see a show close to there the next day. My girlfriend didn't go because she had work, and she was working till late. I decided I was going to surprise her when she got home with my bare ass naked self. See her and I usually make fun of those hilariously-not-so-sexy sexy poses that you often see in shows or movies, and when it's just her and I fooling around, sometimes we make that pose and exaggerate it as much as we can. We sort of made a contest out of who can outdo the last pose. So I had an idea for a good one. Well it seemed good.
First thing you see when you open her door is the staircase and the railings. The start of her railings has that ball sort of starting pillar, so I thought, what the fuck, it'd be hilarious if I balanced myself on the railings and rested my ass on the ball, pointing to the door. I have a really hairy ass that my girlfriend makes fun of, so I had the idea to spread the fuckers out to high heaven and put the hairy goodness on display. So I get to her place about fifteen minutes before she'd be home and wait for her. Pretty soon I hear the car pull up so I get in position. I drew a quick mock up for you guys to help the visuals. As soon as the knob turns I open wide, straining my neck in a weird ostrich-like way upward for whatever comedic effect, and shout "MAYBE A RIMJOB FOR GOOD MEASURE!" (That's another inside joke...Couldn't explain it properly if I tried.)
I turn my head. It's her family. Her mom actually dropped her keys. My heart sank and I could almost feel my butthole swallow the ballknob as it cringed. My reputation with them is forever ruined and I will never be able to erase their reactions from my mind. The mom started cussing at me and the dad just kept staring. Her sister (2 years younger than my girlfriend, who is 21) went into hysterics and fell on the floor laughing. These three different ranges of emotions led my already fry-fucked brain to even more confusion, and all I could think to say was, "Well why the fuck are you in this house?" I said it just like that, like there was another house that they should have rather been in or something. Best part is my girlfriend is still working... She got called in for extra time. So although I'm sure her parents have told her what happened, and she may have seen the many texts I've been sending her, I have no idea what her response to this whole thing is.
Bottom line is that what I'm feeling right now is literally the worst feeling I think I'm capable of feeling. I feel destroyed. I'd rather be angry or sad or something but nope I'm just fucking devastated. Thanks for listening GAF.
Girlfriend lives with her family still, but I've come to know her family and really love them. I hang out there all the time and periodically help her parents with their side business, so I was given a spare key to the place. Well, today their family went out to Temecula for wine tasting, and the plan was for them to stay in a hotel overnight so they could see a show close to there the next day. My girlfriend didn't go because she had work, and she was working till late. I decided I was going to surprise her when she got home with my bare ass naked self. See her and I usually make fun of those hilariously-not-so-sexy sexy poses that you often see in shows or movies, and when it's just her and I fooling around, sometimes we make that pose and exaggerate it as much as we can. We sort of made a contest out of who can outdo the last pose. So I had an idea for a good one. Well it seemed good.
First thing you see when you open her door is the staircase and the railings. The start of her railings has that ball sort of starting pillar, so I thought, what the fuck, it'd be hilarious if I balanced myself on the railings and rested my ass on the ball, pointing to the door. I have a really hairy ass that my girlfriend makes fun of, so I had the idea to spread the fuckers out to high heaven and put the hairy goodness on display. So I get to her place about fifteen minutes before she'd be home and wait for her. Pretty soon I hear the car pull up so I get in position. I drew a quick mock up for you guys to help the visuals. As soon as the knob turns I open wide, straining my neck in a weird ostrich-like way upward for whatever comedic effect, and shout "MAYBE A RIMJOB FOR GOOD MEASURE!" (That's another inside joke...Couldn't explain it properly if I tried.)
I turn my head. It's her family. Her mom actually dropped her keys. My heart sank and I could almost feel my butthole swallow the ballknob as it cringed. My reputation with them is forever ruined and I will never be able to erase their reactions from my mind. The mom started cussing at me and the dad just kept staring. Her sister (2 years younger than my girlfriend, who is 21) went into hysterics and fell on the floor laughing. These three different ranges of emotions led my already fry-fucked brain to even more confusion, and all I could think to say was, "Well why the fuck are you in this house?" I said it just like that, like there was another house that they should have rather been in or something. Best part is my girlfriend is still working... She got called in for extra time. So although I'm sure her parents have told her what happened, and she may have seen the many texts I've been sending her, I have no idea what her response to this whole thing is.
Bottom line is that what I'm feeling right now is literally the worst feeling I think I'm capable of feeling. I feel destroyed. I'd rather be angry or sad or something but nope I'm just fucking devastated. Thanks for listening GAF.
