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[Granadier]

Watched 500 Days of Summer last night because of the OP.

What a fantastically written movie. I'd seen it advertised before, and I always brushed it off as a generic rom-com. But it is so much deeper than that.
I have experienced so many of the things from that movie in the past, and it really was worthwhile to watch them happen from the 3rd person. I've been with girls like Summer in the past. Hell I even felt the "One-itis" creeping in recently with this girl from OKC. What an eye opener.

There's so many events in life that happen and a person thinks they only happen to them, when in reality they are happening all over the place and the person is no different from others.

 

[Jharp]

EDIT: Not sure I want to bring this up on an internet forum, actually.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Guys, can I rant for a moment? Seriously, I hate it when girls message me online with no pic. Do they not read my profile disclaimer? Do they actually assume I'm going to reply to a faceless profile? Do THEY ever reply to a pic-less profile message?

People irk me sometimes.

Reply and ask for a photo. If they don't ablige, then I think you have a fair reason to be upset. They could be nice girls that just don't want to get harassed by the tons of men on those sites.

 

[Hidden One]

I've liked her for a while now and I know she likes me but I never had the courage to just ask her out mostly because I don't own a car to drive. Today I decided I would finally do it and when I got to work another guy who works with us was flirting with her (He wasn't even scheduled for work today so I assume he was doing some shopping like he usually does). I didn't look their way when I walked through the doors but it sounded like they were having a good time because they were both laughing and joking around. He stayed for 2 whole hours talking to her before he finally left (I know he got her number). I didn't say anything to her during those 2 hours they were talking and for the rest of the time she was at work until she told me bye when she was leaving and I only waved.

I need advice on what to do..Should I still go for it? I feel bad that I didn't even tell her hi today...

 

[Granadier]

So one of my greatest fears with texting/online communication came true tonight.

This girl I had a connection with on OKC randomly texted me tonight saying, "I haven't heard from you in awhile. How are things?". When I replied explaining that I didn't hear back from her last Tuesday and figured it was a failed match she said that her phone never received my texts. I'm assuming that it's the truth since she reached out to contact me again after a week of nothing.

Going to take it slow and see where it goes. We still haven't met in person, so this all could still end in nothing.

 

[Septimius]

I've liked her for a while now and I know she likes me but I never had the courage to just ask her out mostly because I don't own a car to drive. Today I decided I would finally do it and when I got to work another guy who works with us was flirting with her (He wasn't even scheduled for work today so I assume he was doing some shopping like he usually does). I didn't look their way when I walked through the doors but it sounded like they were having a good time because they were both laughing and joking around. He stayed for 2 whole hours talking to her before he finally left (I know he got her number). I didn't say anything to her during those 2 hours they were talking and for the rest of the time she was at work until she told me bye when she was leaving and I only waved.

I need advice on what to do..Should I still go for it? I feel bad that I didn't even tell her hi today...

It's not over just because someone else hit it off with her. Some people hit it off with everyone. She's the one who'll consider which she likes better. After all, if she likes him better, that's an honest thing, but there's of course nothing to indicate that. If you know she likes you, but you've merely lacked the courage to ask her out, remember that there's no way you'll be the one for her if you don't dare. And if you aren't the one for her, then you'll know.

Nothing's changed by what's happened. If she liked you, she'll still like you. You'll have just as much of a chance with what's happened. Of course, it's time to get the lead out, because if they do go out and hit it off, she'll become more invested. So here it's just about remaining on the ball. Take it as a compliment to your taste and to her that others are interested. Be confident that you're the best for her. I'm sure you are. I'm sure she'd love to be asked out. Just do it!

So one of my greatest fears with texting/online communication came true tonight.

This girl I had a connection with on OKC randomly texted me tonight saying, "I haven't heard from you in awhile. How are things?". When I replied explaining that I didn't hear back from her last Tuesday and figured it was a failed match she said that her phone never received my texts. I'm assuming that it's the truth since she reached out to contact me again after a week of nothing.

Going to take it slow and see where it goes. We still haven't met in person, so this all could still end in nothing.

These are one of the things one should allow oneself to simply let go. Take it from me, I know how easy it is to fear that texts can go missing; to fear that situations can change because they're judged by a way they aren't.

But, simply let go. Not everything will go as we plan in life. That will include everything from a slip in the tongue, which is in many ways the same thing, to a text message going missing, or even other things going missing. Such is life. We'll be misunderstood, misheard, misrepresented, misplaced. If we're misunderstood, we reexplain, if we're misheard we repeat. It's just a matter of readjusting. We shouldn't fight to have full control. Those that have, have found they've removed the life from the thing they've pursued. With full control all sex would be as if making love to a plastic doll. So rejoice in knowing you don't have full control. It is what makes life wonderful. You've had her reach out, and that puts the two of you in arguably a better situation than if it hadn't happened. You can readjust and make the best of the situation. Sounds great that she reached out! Now you know she's genuine, and you have a better foundation to reach out to this girl.

 

[grap3fruitman]

When I replied explaining that I didn't hear back from her last Tuesday and figured it was a failed match she said that her phone never received my texts. I'm assuming that it's the truth since she reached out to contact me again after a week of nothing.

She's lying. She got them, she ignored them because she was interested in someone else more. That didn't pan out so she's back to you.

 

[Horseticuffs]

So one of my greatest fears with texting/online communication came true tonight.

This girl I had a connection with on OKC randomly texted me tonight saying, "I haven't heard from you in awhile. How are things?". When I replied explaining that I didn't hear back from her last Tuesday and figured it was a failed match she said that her phone never received my texts. I'm assuming that it's the truth since she reached out to contact me again after a week of nothing.

Going to take it slow and see where it goes. We still haven't met in person, so this all could still end in nothing.

She's lying. She got them, she ignored them because she was interested in someone else more. That didn't pan out so she's back to you.

That's a rough situation, but it does legit happen. With my ex there was a period of about 4 days where none of my texts went through and it was causing all kinds of shit. Then, one day, ALL of them came through at once with a great rush of notifications as I was standing right there with her. Sometimes there are just network issues.

 

[Minamu]

Hey Minamu, where would I start with Brent Smith's stuff? Any YouTube that you would recommend to begin with?

I've seen little 'bites' that he does, but if there's a more longer video, that would be great....

Well, there's a long one in the OP of course, that's a good start I think. Unfortunately the other long video has been deleted, but I have it on my pc if you really want it. Here's another long one as well. Another with one of his coworkers who shares the same thoughts. But it seems that he has put all his videos on private for some stupid reason. There was a video about me actually, and quite a few 10+ minutes videos I used to share with friends. If you want to, you could pm me with your Skype name or something and I could send you his videos, I've been proactive enough to download all his free stuff from youtube with a Firefox plugin

Spoiler

Almost 34GB...

Same goes for anyone else I suppose.

Watched 500 Days of Summer last night because of the OP.

What a fantastically written movie. I'd seen it advertised before, and I always brushed it off as a generic rom-com. But it is so much deeper than that.
I have experienced so many of the things from that movie in the past, and it really was worthwhile to watch them happen from the 3rd person. I've been with girls like Summer in the past. Hell I even felt the "One-itis" creeping in recently with this girl from OKC. What an eye opener.

There's so many events in life that happen and a person thinks they only happen to them, when in reality they are happening all over the place and the person is no different from others.

Glad you watched it Care if I link to your "review" in the OP?

 

[Septimius]

She's lying. She got them, she ignored them because she was interested in someone else more. That didn't pan out so she's back to you.

This is overly negative focus. It could be, but there's no indicator of that. If she didn't reply, it would be because what he said wasn't interesting to her. No amount of "losing interest" in others would change that. There's little to indicate that being the case, so there's no need in assuming the world is full of bad people, especially new people you meet. You'll figure it out if they were lying by other ways, later, so there's no point in assuming that, here. You could simply be screwing yourself over by having a negative outlook on stuff.

 

[Granadier]

Wow, thank you all for the insight!

These are one of the things one should allow oneself to simply let go. Take it from me, I know how easy it is to fear that texts can go missing; to fear that situations can change because they're judged by a way they aren't.

But, simply let go. Not everything will go as we plan in life. That will include everything from a slip in the tongue, which is in many ways the same thing, to a text message going missing, or even other things going missing. Such is life. We'll be misunderstood, misheard, misrepresented, misplaced. If we're misunderstood, we reexplain, if we're misheard we repeat. It's just a matter of readjusting. We shouldn't fight to have full control. Those that have, have found they've removed the life from the thing they've pursued. With full control all sex would be as if making love to a plastic doll. So rejoice in knowing you don't have full control. It is what makes life wonderful. You've had her reach out, and that puts the two of you in arguably a better situation than if it hadn't happened. You can readjust and make the best of the situation. Sounds great that she reached out! Now you know she's genuine, and you have a better foundation to reach out to this girl.

Yes! Control is something that I have been working personally to limit in myself. I used to require full control or full knowledge of situations, but I've learned that that isn't the right way to think about life. Like you said it attempts to remove all the unexpecteds and all the surprises from the world.
This experience has helped to reinforce that. Last Tuesday when I didn't receive any reply I decided to just let it be. My past self would have sent another text or two asking "Why didn't you reply to me?" or something similar and that would have been the end of it. It would have displayed myself as not confident and needy.
Instead I just let it go and if it was going to happen it would happen some other way. It was out of my control, it never was in my control, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. It felt great!
Enjoying the unexpected now and letting things go their own ways!

She's lying. She got them, she ignored them because she was interested in someone else more. That didn't pan out so she's back to you.

Septimus said it better below, but I agree with him that this is a very negative outlook. If it turns that she was then so be it. I won't lose anything by viewing it as a positive situation instead and following along to see where this path leads me.

That's a rough situation, but it does legit happen. With my ex there was a period of about 4 days where none of my texts went through and it was causing all kinds of shit. Then, one day, ALL of them came through at once with a great rush of notifications as I was standing right there with her. Sometimes there are just network issues.

Yes, I have had this very thing happen to me in the past as well. Nothing is perfect 100% of the time, especially when it comes to networks, so things go missing. It's tough, but it happens and shouldn't be viewed as a big deal.

Glad you watched it Care if I link to your "review" in the OP?

Feel free! I would be flattered.

This is overly negative focus. It could be, but there's no indicator of that. If she didn't reply, it would be because what he said wasn't interesting to her. No amount of "losing interest" in others would change that. There's little to indicate that being the case, so there's no need in assuming the world is full of bad people, especially new people you meet. You'll figure it out if they were lying by other ways, later, so there's no point in assuming that, here. You could simply be screwing yourself over by having a negative outlook on stuff.

All of this.

 

[Horseticuffs]

This is overly negative focus. It could be, but there's no indicator of that. If she didn't reply, it would be because what he said wasn't interesting to her. No amount of "losing interest" in others would change that. There's little to indicate that being the case, so there's no need in assuming the world is full of bad people, especially new people you meet. You'll figure it out if they were lying by other ways, later, so there's no point in assuming that, here. You could simply be screwing yourself over by having a negative outlook on stuff.

Very true. In all things we need to remember that not everyone has our problems, and just how easy it is for us to project our own insecurities on others.

Case in point, and I can tie this into what has been going on with my relationship. Last night my girl and I were talking and she could tell there was something really on my mind. I just let it all spill out about the growing distance I'd been feeling from her and how it was making me withdraw, too. How I couldn't hold a text and shit. She told me she understood, but that I knew she'd been going through some shit unrelated to our relationship and that I'd promised I'd be cool while she worked through it. She had told me, and I had made that promise, but I guess I'd failed to see how much she's been going through.

We talked a good while about things. How she still felt the same way about me as she always had. That she knows the type of relationships I'm coming from, but that eventually I'm going to have to trust her and that she isn't going to abandon me or just stop caring all of the sudden.

I'll be honest, GAF, it was beautiful to hear it from her. All this time I've been projecting my insecurities and letting them eat me alive. She wasn't upset or hurt, she just said she wished I'd come to her straight away with my concerns. I'm so relieved, and it feels like a great weight off my chest.

See, at the end of the day the only eyes we've ever seen the world through, truly, are our own. Reality is so subjective, though. It's colored by our biases, our wounds. We only give ourselves the side of the story that we've adapted to see.

I very easily could have fucked things up with my insecurities. In fact, I was in the middle of composing a letter telling her I didn't think it was working out between us when this conversation happened. As much as I don't like the idea of breaking up that way, especially with someone I very much still care for, I didn't really know if I'd see her again and I was really hurting emotionally.

Through all my ex's cheating, her emotional abuse, through my next "relationship" as basically what amounted to a side piece, my arrested development and emotional paralysis, I've really gotten a fucked up view of human relations. I guess this is all part of self-analysis and growth; learning to be in a committed, healthy relationship.

So, yeah, back on point. You can't ever really assume that other people are approaching life the same way you are.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I'm nervous about this date tonight.

 

[dietertong]

I'm nervous about this date tonight.

Good luck! I was nervous about mine but it was great.

What are the plans?

 

[Minamu]

Feel free! I would be flattered.

Done

 

[grap3fruitman]

Good luck! I was nervous about mine but it was great.

What are the plans?

A dinky Thai place. She got taken out for a steak dinner last night so I'm already at a disadvantage... Plus she knows she's better off than me. She made some comments about how she doesn't mind being the breadwinner in a relationship. She's incredibly fit and I'm not. I don't know how this could end well for me... I literally have nothing going for me, haha.

 

[KJRage]

I was looking for the Brent Smith videos also. On his website on the home page he has some videos listed there, and then towards the bottom you can click through around 31 pages of videos and updates he has done. Are the videos on those pages the same ones that were removed and he only made them available on his website to view?

Was just interested in watching as much as I can. A lot of the things he has talked about are very interesting. Thanks to OP for putting me on this.

 

[dietertong]

A dinky Thai place. She got taken out for a steak dinner last night so I'm already at a disadvantage... Plus she knows she's better off than me. She made some comments about how she doesn't mind being the breadwinner in a relationship. She's incredibly fit and I'm not. I don't know how this could end well for me... I literally have nothing going for me, haha.

Dude, lighten up. Septimus said it best earlier, you can be your own self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think it will go bad, it will go bad. We all have our doubts, but just be optimistic about it.

 

[stn]

Reply and ask for a photo. If they don't ablige, then I think you have a fair reason to be upset. They could be nice girls that just don't want to get harassed by the tons of men on those sites.

They should include a photo in their message, makes things easier for all of us. Imagine how much worse a girl might feel if she sends you a photo and THEN you stop replying because you have no interest in her, lol. Yeah, I just don't bother replying.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

Keeping it short and simple since it kinda is.

Asked out girl after we walked and talked after class.

She stormed out and said she needs to go to the library. I own up to it, it's fine.

One week later she decides to just keep talking to me like nothing happened. Kinda weirded out. Tries to make small talk whenever we run into each other.

I try to keep distant by walking faster from class, she still manages to catch up and talk to me. I mean I like her but I thought she just wasn't interested and now I think she just wants to stay friends and ignore whatever I did that week before. I have to be honest, I'm not really into that.

 

[Cronen]

Long term girlfriend broke up with me back in February. I think....I think, that I may be ready to start talking to new people.

But I don't even know where to begin. Not had to think about anything like this in quite a while. What's a good place to meet new people GAF?

 

[bigfunkychiken]

Keeping it short and simple since it kinda is.

Asked out girl after we walked and talked after class.

She stormed out and said she needs to go to the library. I own up to it, it's fine.

One week later she decides to just keep talking to me like nothing happened. Kinda weirded out. Tries to make small talk whenever we run into each other.

I try to keep distant by walking faster from class, she still manages to catch up and talk to me. I mean I like her but I thought she just wasn't interested and now I think she just wants to stay friends and ignore whatever I did that week before. I have to be honest, I'm not really into that.

Well tell her exactly that. It's ok to make it clear that you want more than a friendship and don't really want less because you have feelings for her that prevent you from being a stable friend.

 

[Idde]

God fucking dammit. Shit. Fuck.

The girl I was texting with for hours on end, who was completely open with me, and who I had two perfect dates with, who lived in Ireland just broke off contact because she feels she needs time to be alone/single.

I know I know, don't feel entitled to anything. The universe and women don't owe you anything but GOD FUCKING SHIT DAMN! Why isn't this working! I meet plenty of new people, I'm not a social outcast anymore, I've got plenty of hobbys, I am a more than decent human being, WHY THE FUCK ISN'T THIS WORKING?!?!

I talk to one coworker about the dating site, he gets on there for three days and meets his current girlfriend of four months. I dance, do writing courses, travel the world, go to concerts, do drinks at my workplace, use a dating site. Why the fuck isn't it working?!?

Sorry for the rant. I just want to fucking punch the universe or something. I hate how I don't have any control over this. Gain weight? Sure. Study my ass off for good grades? No problem. Work toward your dream job? Working on it! Getting a girlfriend, which comes naturally to 95% of the people, complete and utter crap shoot and the universe keeps saying screw you! I'll be okay in a couple of days but FUUUUUUCK!!!

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

A dinky Thai place. She got taken out for a steak dinner last night so I'm already at a disadvantage... Plus she knows she's better off than me. She made some comments about how she doesn't mind being the breadwinner in a relationship. She's incredibly fit and I'm not. I don't know how this could end well for me... I literally have nothing going for me, haha.

Dude, seriously, knock it the hell off. You really need to get over this shit. You keep making something out of nothing. Do you even want to date her? You keep trying your hardest to not even show up. You don't date or get married or have any meaningful relationship on the sole basis of you bought her a steak on your first date. You realize how painfully absurd that sounds right? Stop making up things to make this fail.

 

[TheExodu5]

Girlfriend was helping me move today. She was going to have dinner with her mom later and invited me over. As we're finishing to bring stuff in, I turn around and she's gone. No goodbye, nothing. I call her and say what's up, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. I text her after asking why she left suddenly, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. 5 minutes later she texts that she looked at the time and I was bugging her so she left. I thanked her for helping me and she just says no problem.

I'm pretty pissed with her. Leaving out of the blue without a goodbye or anything is a bitch thing to do. No word since. I assume I'm uninvited for dinner for whatever reason. Not a fucking clue what I did to piss her off. I'm swallowing my pride right now and refraining from calling her out on it, but she has to know doing this shit is not okay.

 

[Granadier]

Girlfriend was helping me move today. She was going to have dinner with her mom later and invited me over. As we're finishing to bring stuff in, I turn around and she's gone. No goodbye, nothing. I call her and say what's up, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. I text her after asking why she left suddenly, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. 5 minutes later she texts that she looked at the time and I was bugging her so she left. I thanked her for helping me and she just says no problem.

I'm pretty pissed with her. Leaving out of the blue without a goodbye or anything is a bitch thing to do. No word since. I assume I'm uninvited for dinner for whatever reason. Not a fucking clue what I did to piss her off. I'm swallowing my pride right now and refraining from calling her out on it, but she has to know doing this shit is not okay.

Once you calm down and get your thoughts in order I think you need to talk to her about it.
It seems to me like what she did was caused by something completely unrelated, and her actions were a passive aggressive way of acting out towards you.

 

[TheExodu5]

Once you calm down and get your thoughts in order I think you need to talk to her about it.
It seems to me like what she did was caused by something completely unrelated, and her actions were a passive aggressive way of acting out towards you.

Sounds entirely reasonable.

Anyways she just asked if I was coming to dinner. Women are strange sometimes...

 

[PlayALLtheGames]

Girlfriend was helping me move today. She was going to have dinner with her mom later and invited me over. As we're finishing to bring stuff in, I turn around and she's gone. No goodbye, nothing. I call her and say what's up, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. I text her after asking why she left suddenly, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. 5 minutes later she texts that she looked at the time and I was bugging her so she left. I thanked her for helping me and she just says no problem.

I'm pretty pissed with her. Leaving out of the blue without a goodbye or anything is a bitch thing to do. No word since. I assume I'm uninvited for dinner for whatever reason. Not a fucking clue what I did to piss her off. I'm swallowing my pride right now and refraining from calling her out on it, but she has to know doing this shit is not okay.

Women! Happened to me with one of my high school girlfriends. She came over and I was cleaning my room which was the basement of our house so large. I was like I'm almost done; gave her a kiss and went to the bathroom. come out and she's gone. I text and she says you were busy so I left. Complete, over-dramatic nonsense just looking for a reaction. She lived like 30 mins away too. Absolutely ridiculous. Don't feel bad about making it known you thought it was complete, over-dramatic nonsense. This girl at least had a kind of excuse in that she was 17. I assume your girlfriend is an adult.

 

[Minamu]

I was looking for the Brent Smith videos also. On his website on the home page he has some videos listed there, and then towards the bottom you can click through around 31 pages of videos and updates he has done. Are the videos on those pages the same ones that were removed and he only made them available on his website to view?

Was just interested in watching as much as I can. A lot of the things he has talked about are very interesting. Thanks to OP for putting me on this.

He sends out emails with youtube links on and off, and it's the same videos on his site (I have no idea what's behind his forum paywall though). I've been thinking of making a torrent of his videos, but I have over 550 videos and they're almost 34GB in total xD I think the posted videos so far cover the gist of it all. There should be more videos hidden around the thread if one could bother with searching for youtube urls via google or something. So lame of him to make the videos private...

 

[Septimius]

A dinky Thai place. She got taken out for a steak dinner last night so I'm already at a disadvantage... Plus she knows she's better off than me. She made some comments about how she doesn't mind being the breadwinner in a relationship. She's incredibly fit and I'm not. I don't know how this could end well for me... I literally have nothing going for me, haha.

Remember what I said about being a Debbie Downer? I'm inclined to tell you to give it all up and go home and roll up in a ball like you want to do. Just know that it's not because the world is unfair, but that you don't want to win in this world. You won't be able to hold a date until you lay this shit aside. So yeah, you are at a disadvantage.

What are you gonna do about it?

Keeping it short and simple since it kinda is.

Asked out girl after we walked and talked after class.

She stormed out and said she needs to go to the library. I own up to it, it's fine.

One week later she decides to just keep talking to me like nothing happened. Kinda weirded out. Tries to make small talk whenever we run into each other.

I try to keep distant by walking faster from class, she still manages to catch up and talk to me. I mean I like her but I thought she just wasn't interested and now I think she just wants to stay friends and ignore whatever I did that week before. I have to be honest, I'm not really into that.

This comes off in a bad light. She's done nothing wrong. You're being bitchy about the fact that she's showed you she has no romantic interest. She's even managed to work it out, to small-talk and work through it. That's pretty great. It sounds like you don't respect that she just wants to be friends. That's not right. Her actions are actually admirable.

However, it's completely OK if you have feelings for her, and you can't see yourself only being friends. Then let her know. Say "hey, I think it's really great that you've managed to patch things up after what happened, but I asked you out because I do kind of really like you. I just can't see myself only being friends, as I could end up getting hurt. So I'm sorry, but I can't just be friends with you".

Long term girlfriend broke up with me back in February. I think....I think, that I may be ready to start talking to new people.

But I don't even know where to begin. Not had to think about anything like this in quite a while. What's a good place to meet new people GAF?

Hobbies! Rock climbing, kendo, krav maga, cooking classes, real life gaming communities, role playing communities, organizations, kite flying, rowing, freestyle rapping groups. Find something you'd like to do and find people to do it with. You'll meet a lot of new people. Suddenly some of them will invite you to some function or party or something and you'll meet even more people! Suddenly, you've more people in your life than you can handle!

Girlfriend was helping me move today. She was going to have dinner with her mom later and invited me over. As we're finishing to bring stuff in, I turn around and she's gone. No goodbye, nothing. I call her and say what's up, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. I text her after asking why she left suddenly, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. 5 minutes later she texts that she looked at the time and I was bugging her so she left. I thanked her for helping me and she just says no problem.

I'm pretty pissed with her. Leaving out of the blue without a goodbye or anything is a bitch thing to do. No word since. I assume I'm uninvited for dinner for whatever reason. Not a fucking clue what I did to piss her off. I'm swallowing my pride right now and refraining from calling her out on it, but she has to know doing this shit is not okay.

Here comes my mantra. Communicate. This isn't behavior that you need to accept, and she can't just walk off without saying what's up. I don't get why you didn't say "well, why didn't you say anything?" when you spoke with her on the phone, but I get that such behavior can leave one completely nonplussed. So long as it isn't allowed to fester in you, by you being annoyed but not bringing it up, and so long that you don't blindly accept it, then you're on the right track.

She need to know that if there's something that bugs her about you, she can talk. Let her know it upsets you when she just disappears. Let her know how you feel.

 

[No_Style]

Sounds entirely reasonable.

Anyways she just asked if I was coming to dinner. Women are strange sometimes...

This makes me think she assumed you and her were on the same page. I had something somewhat similar happen to me and it was down to simple miscommunication and assumptions. I brought it up after some cooling off time and I looked like a fool in the end but hey... lesson learned.

 

[Pastry]

Date tonight... I'm feeling kind of ambivalent towards it, not necessarily excited. I'm very fresh out of a short relationship and pretty frustrated. She's really cute and very nice but I think I'm going out with her more because I think it'll help me get over the ex more than anything. If I didn't do this I feel like I'd just mope around.

I'm going to keep an open mind though, maybe we'll absolutely click and this will be much better than I thought.

 

[Septimius]

Date tonight... I'm feeling kind of ambivalent towards it, not necessarily excited. I'm very fresh out of a short relationship and pretty frustrated. She's really cute and very nice but I think I'm going out with her more because I think it'll help me get over the ex more than anything. If I didn't do this I feel like I'd just mope around.

I'm going to keep an open mind though, maybe we'll absolutely click and this will be much better than I thought.

Perhaps. Be vigilant with yourself. When you throw yourself back out there before you're ready, it might distract you. But just that. The feelings you have towards your ex will come out at some point, in some way. They might have you comparing a new relationship or a new girl unfairly. Or they can ruin a relationship once started, because then it resurfaces.

Process your feelings. Don't mope around, but the only thing besides moping that happens in your life shouldn't be dating.

 

[Dimefan3]

Girlfriend was helping me move today. She was going to have dinner with her mom later and invited me over. As we're finishing to bring stuff in, I turn around and she's gone. No goodbye, nothing. I call her and say what's up, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. I text her after asking why she left suddenly, and she says she had to get ready for dinner. 5 minutes later she texts that she looked at the time and I was bugging her so she left. I thanked her for helping me and she just says no problem.

I'm pretty pissed with her. Leaving out of the blue without a goodbye or anything is a bitch thing to do. No word since. I assume I'm uninvited for dinner for whatever reason. Not a fucking clue what I did to piss her off. I'm swallowing my pride right now and refraining from calling her out on it, but she has to know doing this shit is not okay.

That's just plain rude to me, and probably a huge deal breaker. I don't care how hot you are, it's not hard to say a simple 'see ya' when you're leaving. Call her out on it. If she leaves the problem is her, not you.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I'll edit this post and address your posts when I'm in front of a computer later tonight but I did want to say this: her texting has dropped off, not surprisingly.

 

[hlhbk]

Since this is the first time I have posted in this thread I probably should post some info about me real quick:

I am 32, been married for 5 years, been together with my wife for 10 years. No kids as of now.

That all being said reading through some of these posts on this thread have reminded me what it was like in the dating scene. It may not be welcomed but here is my advice:

Be yourself, and be confident about who you are. For the longest time I had a lot of trouble being able to talk to women, and if I did I wouldn't be honest about everything (I never used to tell women I am an avid video game player for instance and when they found out it was always a negative response.). I am not super confident now, but I can say what when I met my wife I was at a point with women and getting my mind messed with I was done trying to find anyone. My wife happened to be the best friend of my best friends wife. Things moved quickly, but right at the beginning I told her 2 things:

1. I am a video game player, I won't change that no matter what no matter how old I get. If you can't accept and support that we shouldn't even go on this date. She was fine with it, and still is.

2. I was about to finish college and she was in her first year. I told her that I would look for jobs everywhere but we lived in small town Ohio and if I found a job elsewhere I was going to move and that I would still like to stay together if we progressed to that point, but if she stayed we would have to do the long distance thing. She said she was ok with that. I did actually end up moving 13 hours away and that was really tough, but we made it through it and she is now living with me where I moved to.

The way I did it may not work for everyone. I am just throwing this out there for all the people I see on this thread that act like they don't have a chance or don't offer anything. You offer plenty by just being yourself. If someone doesn't like you for you then that is their loss, not yours. At some point you will get to a point in life you just don't care what anyone thinks about you, and honestly while I am still not 100% there yet I can already see how much happier people are when they get there.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

omg, Dating-Age, I'm about to shoot myself dead. [Not really, but still]

So I was at the club tonight with my friend (playing proper wingmen). We're trading icebreakers and he pulls these two fine girls aside, and I blew it. With my dream type, no less (slim, nubile ginger). We chat, we start dancing, we have plenty of heavy fun for close to an hour nonstop. We take a second from dancing, and this dude pulls her aside. I say whatever, I'm not a simp who follows girls etc, I'm gonna go to this other part of the club.

Come to find out my friend was watching the whole deal after she got pulled aside. He goes, "Yo, what gives?! She didn't talk to that fool, she gave him the cold shoulder, she didn't dance, etc." I basically say I'm not a desperate clown who follows. He retorts, "Bro she looked to where you were a minute ago, went back there, looked around for a few minutes, then left with a sad look on her face."

Tell me a story dating age, to soothe my pains.

 

[hipgnosis]

We had a holiday in my country yesterday, basically everybody gets wasted and celebrates. Had awesome time partying two days in a row. The first day we were at a party at my friends place and went to bar later. Danced until the closing time. Had a one night stand with a younger student. Great girl.

The next day we had a brunch at my friends. Went there as soon as the girl left my place in the morning. My ex was once again all over me. She was next to me the whole time and was hugging and touching and teasing me the whole day. I don't even know what to think anymore.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

We had a holiday in my country yesterday, basically everybody gets wasted and celebrates. Had awesome time partying two days in a row. The first day we were at a party at my friends place and went to bar later. Danced until the closing time. Had a one night stand with a younger student. Great girl.

The next day we had a brunch at my friends. Went there as soon as the girl left my place in the morning. My ex was once again all over me. She was next to me the whole time and was hugging and touching and teasing me the whole day. I don't even know what to think anymore.

She could smell the sex on you and it was driving her nuts, clearly. :3

 

[dietertong]

Alright all mighty Dating-GAF gurus, need your opinion on this one now.

So the girl I've been talking with and went on a date with recently (recap of date can be seen here) just went cold on me after I asked to see her for a second date.

It was about 4 days since we went on it, but we've been talking every day since it happened. As soon as I asked, no response. Nadda, nothing, zilch. I know she read it (was an IM not a text) and still nothing after 24 hours.

And the way I ask (I think) shouldn't have caused this - just said I had a nice time, and was wondering if she would like to meet up again.

Do I try to keep talking as if nothing happened, or just joke about it being a non-answer, or nothing still? I think just the fact she read it but didn't have the courtesy to answer is is just eating at me.

 

[NeOak]

omg, Dating-Age, I'm about to shoot myself dead. [Not really, but still]

So I was at the club tonight with my friend (playing proper wingmen). We're trading icebreakers and he pulls these two fine girls aside, and I blew it. With my dream type, no less (slim, nubile ginger). We chat, we start dancing, we have plenty of heavy fun for close to an hour nonstop. We take a second from dancing, and this dude pulls her aside. I say whatever, I'm not a simp who follows girls etc, I'm gonna go to this other part of the club.

Come to find out my friend was watching the whole deal after she got pulled aside. He goes, "Yo, what gives?! She didn't talk to that fool, she gave him the cold shoulder, she didn't dance, etc." I basically say I'm not a desperate clown who follows. He retorts, "Bro she looked to where you were a minute ago, went back there, looked around for a few minutes, then left with a sad look on her face."

Tell me a story dating age, to soothe my pains.

You have no honor left.

Hara-kiri is your only option to clean your shame!

Spoiler

lol but seriously: wooow *pat* *pat*

 

[Pastry]

Had a date last night and it went much much better than I predicted. She was wearing heels so she ended up being a couple of inches taller than I am haha. We ended up being the last people there and kind of drunk so the kiss at the end of the date was a fucking hot mess though. At least I'm hoping it was because we were drunk, either way definitely plan on seeing her again.

 

[Oxn]

Alright all mighty Dating-GAF gurus, need your opinion on this one now.

So the girl I've been talking with and went on a date with recently (recap of date can be seen here) just went cold on me after I asked to see her for a second date.

It was about 4 days since we went on it, but we've been talking every day since it happened. As soon as I asked, no response. Nadda, nothing, zilch. I know she read it (was an IM not a text) and still nothing after 24 hours.

And the way I ask (I think) shouldn't have caused this - just said I had a nice time, and was wondering if she would like to meet up again.

Do I try to keep talking as if nothing happened, or just joke about it being a non-answer, or nothing still? I think just the fact she read it but didn't have the courtesy to answer is is just eating at me.

You shuda said

Had a nice time. We should meet up again

 

[Oxn]

omg, Dating-Age, I'm about to shoot myself dead. [Not really, but still]

So I was at the club tonight with my friend (playing proper wingmen). We're trading icebreakers and he pulls these two fine girls aside, and I blew it. With my dream type, no less (slim, nubile ginger). We chat, we start dancing, we have plenty of heavy fun for close to an hour nonstop. We take a second from dancing, and this dude pulls her aside. I say whatever, I'm not a simp who follows girls etc, I'm gonna go to this other part of the club.

Come to find out my friend was watching the whole deal after she got pulled aside. He goes, "Yo, what gives?! She didn't talk to that fool, she gave him the cold shoulder, she didn't dance, etc." I basically say I'm not a desperate clown who follows. He retorts, "Bro she looked to where you were a minute ago, went back there, looked around for a few minutes, then left with a sad look on her face."

Tell me a story dating age, to soothe my pains.

This hurts me man

There are times where i let my pride get in the way of happiness as well

 

[dietertong]

You shuda said

Had a nice time. We should meet up again

The difference between asking her and telling her is significant?

 

[NeOak]

The difference between asking her and telling her is significant?

Ask: "Do you want to go out again?"

Tell: "Let's meet here in two days"

"Telling" shows initiative.

 

[dietertong]

Ask: "Do you want to go out again?"

Tell: "Let's meet here in two days"

"Telling" shows initiative.

....but wouldn't asking in the first place show initiative that you want to meetup again?

 

[Flying Toaster]

....but wouldn't asking in the first place show initiative that you want to meetup again?

Kind of but at the same time it puts the entire decision on her and its a 50/50. Take the initiative and state you want to meet again, or you are going to meet again. She might say no but the chances are slimmer.

 

[PapaJustify]

omg, Dating-Age, I'm about to shoot myself dead. [Not really, but still]

So I was at the club tonight with my friend (playing proper wingmen). We're trading icebreakers and he pulls these two fine girls aside, and I blew it. With my dream type, no less (slim, nubile ginger). We chat, we start dancing, we have plenty of heavy fun for close to an hour nonstop. We take a second from dancing, and this dude pulls her aside. I say whatever, I'm not a simp who follows girls etc, I'm gonna go to this other part of the club.

Come to find out my friend was watching the whole deal after she got pulled aside. He goes, "Yo, what gives?! She didn't talk to that fool, she gave him the cold shoulder, she didn't dance, etc." I basically say I'm not a desperate clown who follows. He retorts, "Bro she looked to where you were a minute ago, went back there, looked around for a few minutes, then left with a sad look on her face."

Tell me a story dating age, to soothe my pains.

Damn dude. Go to that club again, maybe you are lucky and she will be there again.

 

[NeOak]

....but wouldn't asking in the first place show initiative that you want to meetup again?

No exactly, its passive. You're asking for someone if they want to go, giving them the whole power of making the decision. If they say no, you end up with "nothing".

Telling on the other hand, you are going to do something, and the other person can come too if they want. You made the decision of doing something, so they can choose to tag along or take a hike. If they say no, fuck them, you are doing something anyway.

It's quite subtle really.