Pamplemousse
Member
Yeah, I wasn't sure if you were being serious or not, but please don't. Also, traumatizing others by streaming it would be a horrible thing to do.
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Mental Health |OT2| - Light in the Darkness
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
Man I've been in bed the last two days with depression.
The sad thing is I know I will never get better. My chronic back and arthritis disease gets worse and worse every year and there's just no Hope left for me. I feel pain every day physically and mentally.
I wish I could end it. Hope keeps saying "take my hand" but I know he's just trolling me like always.
The sad thing is I know I will never get better. My chronic back and arthritis disease gets worse and worse every year and there's just no Hope left for me. I feel pain every day physically and mentally.
I wish I could end it. Hope keeps saying "take my hand" but I know he's just trolling me like always.
The usual technique people use with me and my chronic illness is to say that medical breakthroughs come every day! I'm pretty sure they know that's a load of crap but they use it anyway because they have nothing else left. I hope that you find your hope again. I finally gave up on mine for good a few weeks ago and have been on a collision course ever since.
Been coming up on 10 years now. I was 23 when I hurt my back and now I'm 32. Every year it's gotten worse and worse and my spondyliarthropathy has gotten worse and worse. I've tried everything. I need to visit the chiropractor like 3 times a week at least for adjustments. I was sort of a depressed person before that too so that doesn't help. I am unable to do so many of the basic things people do its rediculous. Hiding in my room is my safe haven.
Let me join u on this collision course.
Initially it helped me bond with my so, as we shared many similar emotions, even though I have many more disorders. Luckily she managed to get out of her depression and is now helping me.
I don't think 2 people with severe mental illnesses will go along great, but I might be wrong
I hear you, bud. I finally got the guts to take a trip to some family friends on a "better" day but once I got there, was bedridden and a three day stay ended up being almost a week because I was too ill to drive home. I didn't end up doing any of the things I wanted to do while there, which sorta defeats the purpose of traveling to begin with. They were very nice about it (and it was at least nice to see them) but I felt so worthless and like a burden. I even broke down crying once during dinner.
You have to give up everything. Friendships, romance, careers, hobbies, vacations and after a while, it doesn't feel like there's any reason to be surviving, instead of living. I now survive on fattening and sugary foods, binge-watching television shows and finishing this piece I've been writing. After the latter is finished, there will be very little preventing me from taking my life. At least it can be said that I did the best I could. For whatever that's worth.
Sucks that bad food is the main source of comfort for us.
For me superhero movies is what keeps me going. I must survive until at least infinity wars comes out
half a moon
Banned
I regret the past 8 years. Effexor has helped a lot and I was afraid to take it in 2008.
TuckingFypo
Member
Does/has anybody here worked in the mental health sector? Lately I've been thinking of a career change (currently IT). I didn't have much support during the worst years of my life (partially my fault) and I think it's something I want to do. My mental health history would be a bonus, I suppose.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I want everyone else to feel as bad as I do. Maybe then people will understand.
One thing that might be worth looking into is the chat websites that you can apply to become a listener/helper. I used to know of a few but the only one that springs to mind at the moment is 7Cups. It will give you an insight into helping people and would look good on a resumé/cv
DarknessTear
Banned
Finally got prescribed with Cymbalta, but I'm anxious about taking it. Severe anxiety can be a real bitch. Never really fooled around with these types of medications. But I have so much on my plate. Diagnosed with MS, then being told I have to have my gallbladder removed, then I have another MS relapse and lose more function in my body. Plagued with anxiety and depression on a daily basis. Getting hit by intense pain in the back of my skull that the hospital doctors can't seem to diagnose, just give me pain killers that don't do the job... It's getting to be too much to take.
Haha, after my breakup a month ago and a week ago him wanting "to not talk for awhile" (we were trying to remain friends) I kind of snapped and have been almost unable to leave the house from OCD. When I have it's to buy cleaning products (a third of which I've thrown out from touching wrong). I've spent like half my last paycheck in the course of three days and I can't stop. I need to stop washing. My arms are bleeding, I feel dirty all the time. I'm at the point where when I can finally stop and get some sleep I feel relieved.
I don't really know the point of this. I don't really feel like I have anyone to talk to. I deleted my twitter account because I was venting too much and could tell people got annoyed, my ex went to a party over the weekend with mutual friends but because he wants space I stayed home. It doesn't matter, they'd choose him over me anyways.
I'm sorry, I'm just really tired.
I don't really know the point of this. I don't really feel like I have anyone to talk to. I deleted my twitter account because I was venting too much and could tell people got annoyed, my ex went to a party over the weekend with mutual friends but because he wants space I stayed home. It doesn't matter, they'd choose him over me anyways.
I'm sorry, I'm just really tired.
RoyalLaFlame
Banned
A month has passed since the breakup. These two last weeks I left town and had some fun, I felt ok and everything was feeling alright again (I still thought about her but it wouldn't bother me that much). Last Saturday while watching a concert (The Tallest Man on Earth) I just sat down without anyone noticing and started crying. Music brought me back those memories about her and how happy I was with her.
I came back home last Sunday and yesterday I just went out with my friends. She was there, right in front of me (we have mutual friends). She rarely looked at me and I felt anxious the whole time. Now she's inside my head again... fucking hell. I just want to get rid of this... I want her so bad but I don't know what to do.
Fucking hell... I just want to leave this town and go back to university.
I came back home last Sunday and yesterday I just went out with my friends. She was there, right in front of me (we have mutual friends). She rarely looked at me and I felt anxious the whole time. Now she's inside my head again... fucking hell. I just want to get rid of this... I want her so bad but I don't know what to do.
Fucking hell... I just want to leave this town and go back to university.
Welp, sleeping troubles again. I'll be having a meeting regarding the possibility of my contract being renewed (among other things) tomorrow and I can't help but be a bit anxious about it. Tried for about 2 hours so far and nothing. Considering how well life's going so far this year otherwise I guess I should consider myself lucky that this is the worst I have to deal with. Still annoying though.
The worst part is what a vicious cycle it can be. I can't sleep because I get a bit anxious about the future...which means I don't have the energy to really work on things (getting through the week can be a struggle sometime)...which means the anxiety gets worse :/ Then the weekend comes, I'm fine, and the whole thing repeats itself.
The worst part is what a vicious cycle it can be. I can't sleep because I get a bit anxious about the future...which means I don't have the energy to really work on things (getting through the week can be a struggle sometime)...which means the anxiety gets worse :/ Then the weekend comes, I'm fine, and the whole thing repeats itself.
I have an interview with a fast food restaurant today and I'm more scared of getting the job than I am of not getting it. But nobody will hire me in a field actually related to my degree (English) because I'm a socially awkward weirdo with virtually no work experience, so I guess I don't have a choice. Anxiety is steadily increasing.
No need to apologize in this thread. We all feel you friend
Try doing some freelance journalism - it will build up a portfolio and it could help you push into a job that you will enjoy.
I hope the interview goes well today.
Before I start off with this entry, I just want to thank Bagels for setting up this thread. I meant to do so when it was first up, but I saved it for when I needed to put an entry in here, because today has been.....very mixed, and I need to get everything off my chest.
The Good News: Since I posted this entry in the previous thread, I'm happy to report that I've managed to turn things around in my life. I've decided to pursue a career in the realm of Film/TV as a more creative, rather than technical person, and I'll be going into a postgraduate course next month that I feel will help me greatly in going down the path I wish to travel. My degree actually helped me out in securing a place on the course, due to the strong technical knowledge that I have, and also in the intervening months I managed to gain some work experience with a TV drama on set here in Ireland, and I absolutely LOVED it, so I feel confident and relaxed going into the course. I've also been doubling down on a secret pet project that I've been working on for nearly two years now that I intend to get made in the future(although in what form I don't know yet), which has helped me in coming to terms with my past and gradually being able to move on, and I've been learning new languages partly because of it, but also so that I can flaunt it whenever I get the opportunity.
On the mental health side of things, I've been up and down for a few months, but I'm gradually getting there, and I'll be booking an appointment with a psychiatrist when she gets back from her holiday next week, so I'll be able to finally get my head in order after 16 years of pure hell by speaking to a professional, so it's all getting there.
Now for the Bad News: *WARNING. TRIGGER ALERT.*
Earlier today, I was told that my cousin is missing. He disappeared on Sunday Night and didn't show up for work on Monday Morning. One of my cousins (my parents come from big families) is a police officer and got a few of his colleagues to put the word out. It's transpired that his car was found at a coastal town in the south east of Ireland, where he and his family used to go to in his childhood, and no one's seen any sign of him there. No one is saying anything publicly, but we believe that he may have taken his own life. Obviously, we do hope it'll have a different outcome, but none of the signs look good, and we're bracing for the news that he won't be found alive.
I don't know what to think. On the one hand, I feel awful for writing off any chance of him being found alive, considering that he's my uncle's son. But at the same, we can't just pretend that it'll all turn out OK, and mental health has been a serious issue in both sets of my family. Mentally, weirdly enough, I feel fine, but also accepting of the fact that I may never see him alive again, and would just rather know what happened so that things can get back to normal, or just grieve for him and move on. It's just unsettling to me, and I feel unnerved by it all. When I had my problems, I recognised them and was able to fix them, no matter how hard it seemed. But with this, I feel like I'm in limbo in all this and unable to do anything to correct it, and it's just incomprehensible for me to put into words. I don't really know how to feel about this, and that alone unnerves me to no end.
The Good News: Since I posted this entry in the previous thread, I'm happy to report that I've managed to turn things around in my life. I've decided to pursue a career in the realm of Film/TV as a more creative, rather than technical person, and I'll be going into a postgraduate course next month that I feel will help me greatly in going down the path I wish to travel. My degree actually helped me out in securing a place on the course, due to the strong technical knowledge that I have, and also in the intervening months I managed to gain some work experience with a TV drama on set here in Ireland, and I absolutely LOVED it, so I feel confident and relaxed going into the course. I've also been doubling down on a secret pet project that I've been working on for nearly two years now that I intend to get made in the future(although in what form I don't know yet), which has helped me in coming to terms with my past and gradually being able to move on, and I've been learning new languages partly because of it, but also so that I can flaunt it whenever I get the opportunity.
On the mental health side of things, I've been up and down for a few months, but I'm gradually getting there, and I'll be booking an appointment with a psychiatrist when she gets back from her holiday next week, so I'll be able to finally get my head in order after 16 years of pure hell by speaking to a professional, so it's all getting there.
Now for the Bad News: *WARNING. TRIGGER ALERT.*
Earlier today, I was told that my cousin is missing. He disappeared on Sunday Night and didn't show up for work on Monday Morning. One of my cousins (my parents come from big families) is a police officer and got a few of his colleagues to put the word out. It's transpired that his car was found at a coastal town in the south east of Ireland, where he and his family used to go to in his childhood, and no one's seen any sign of him there. No one is saying anything publicly, but we believe that he may have taken his own life. Obviously, we do hope it'll have a different outcome, but none of the signs look good, and we're bracing for the news that he won't be found alive.
I don't know what to think. On the one hand, I feel awful for writing off any chance of him being found alive, considering that he's my uncle's son. But at the same, we can't just pretend that it'll all turn out OK, and mental health has been a serious issue in both sets of my family. Mentally, weirdly enough, I feel fine, but also accepting of the fact that I may never see him alive again, and would just rather know what happened so that things can get back to normal, or just grieve for him and move on. It's just unsettling to me, and I feel unnerved by it all. When I had my problems, I recognised them and was able to fix them, no matter how hard it seemed. But with this, I feel like I'm in limbo in all this and unable to do anything to correct it, and it's just incomprehensible for me to put into words. I don't really know how to feel about this, and that alone unnerves me to no end.
SlipperyFishes
Banned
Hey there! Tell us more about this crippling fear? What's got its claws in you and how can we help? I would be hesitant to suggest medication or any other assistance without knowing what's vexing you.
I'm so sorry to hear that your cousin is missing. I will think good thoughts for them, you, your families and the emergency services assisting you at this time. Keep us updated?
As for the GOOD NEWS I'm so happy for you that you've turned yourself around and are feeling more positive about life. That's vey encouraging and I hope the good news continues to come pal.
Pamplemousse
Member
Xanax?
If there's any updates I'll post it up on here. However, I must admit I'll be surprised if they ever find anything. He left his phone and wallet in the car and the tide hasn't been kind lately in that region, but we'll keep doing what we can for my uncle and his family for the foreseeable future, and I'll be heading up to them on Thursday regardless as it's the support that's matters from us for them right now.
As for the good news I appreciate the positive vibes friend, although it was about time I grew up and took a hold of my life. I'll keep going forward and take on one day at a time. Life's been rough for me, but it's like the song they had for the Dark Souls 2 trailer "Again, again, I'll come back".
Anyone can buy this?
Pamplemousse
Member
Oh, no, it's prescription. Do you see a psychiatrist? It's not hard to get a prescription for it.
I'm not really sure how to get into freelance journalism in the first place. Plus I'm more or less incapable of interacting with people so I don't know if journalism would work very well for me. But I suppose the same could be said of any job, to some extent.
Thanks, but I don't think it went very well. For the reason I mentioned above, lol. I've been trying to work out the whole anxiety thing for years now and haven't made any progress.
SlipperyFishes
Banned
Ok so here goes. 35, male, tea, earl grey, hot.
A few years ago I was having cramps and pains in my right abdominal side. Really fucking sore ones too. So I went to the doctors and my regular wasn't there so I spoke to a locum who I shit you not told me that it might be cancer given your fathers history with the bowel C.
This is not what I expected (maybe constipation).
She did not check me over, she did not run any tests and pretty much fucking NOPED me the fuck out of believing I'm going to be ok. This was in the early half of 2014 by the way. Some time passes (a few weeks) before I have the balls to go back and speak to a doctor again and during this time I spend almost every waking minute looking up symptoms only to find that if you look hard enough (or not at all) everything is cancer. Even fucking butter.
I go back stressed to the hills only to find that this doctor is gone. Apparently she's pretty fucking solid at giving bad advice. Still, her little number on me did the trick. I get an assortment of blood tests ran, all that comes back is that my cholesterol is a little high. All clear right? Well the pain still exists to the right of my breastbone (maybe two inches below the right nipple) like a really sore throbbing sensation so in my mind I'm still really bad and I begin deteriorating over the next months to the point where I'm really not able to move from my couch. I have no appetite, no energy, no happiness just stress and anger or maybe even indifference to life. Yeah I was planning out my own funeral in my mind. Thinking about what I'd look like in a coffin, how people would react and what music I wanted played as I left the service (ICHBYG Reprise by She & Him). I was, needless to say, fucked up.
I was convinced after a few months by my then girlfriend (now fiancé) as well as my goodfriend and coworker DT that I was in a depression that I needed help. With that in mind I made my way to a local counsellor who I saw for a number of months, once a week. It helped, kind of. She helped me figure out how to ask for specific tests from my doctor and I underwent some scans (like ultrasounds and all that) - all came back clear aside from a slightly fatty liver. /shrug. I guess when I was we eating it wasn't heathy so fair do. My counsellor helped me approach my fear of death and that there was something seriously wrong with me to the point where she eventually diagnosed me with moderate to severe depression. The suggestion was floated about stress and how it can cause extreme pain and agony for people without any underlying cause.
I finally had a label for what was wrong with me. And she spoke to my doctor and eventually I was prescribed an SSRI to up my serotonin levels. I went back again on/off over the next few weeks as I struggled while my body adapted to the medication (emotionally and physically). I felt no improvement until suddenly I did. I was back and off again to the races where I felt like myself and was able to forget about my fears and watch my diet a little more so I don't have a massive pain.
About a year ago the pain in my upper right rib area came back while travelling Peru, and after reading about the death of Satoru Iwata (😩
from a growth in the bile duct I started freaking out again. Was I going to die too? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
More tests. Two different types of colonoscopy and one from the other direction. Some polyps were excised but found to be benign. All in all, my health was, aside from a touch of arthritis, I'd say pretty good. Also never get a colonoscopy without sedation. I refused it twice and boy was that not fun.
Bloods were fine. Nothing in the fresh ultrasound. Nothing on a chest X-ray (unrelated I had a terrible cough for 3 months) to speak of. Why was I still afraid? Why did I feel like something wasn't right?
Eventually those feels subsided and I got engaged, got happy, started working out more with a personal trainer.
I was me. Sure, a lil bit of fat me, but I'm me. Most of the time. My medication helps with that even if the stress of working remotely offsets it a bit.
Today though? That pain came back in my chest area, I found blood on the tissue when using the bathroom and my current doctor asked for more tests to check my blood count. Since then I flew home to see family for a week and have had another few instances where bright red blood was there while wiping and in one case it was a lot. A hell of a lot but not enough to cause serious blood loss. I'm scared again. It's on my mind all the time. It took three days to pass a stool. That's how blocked up my body was and today I've felt weak and unsteady.
I'm feeling grim again GAF. I'm feeling like I can't enjoy this vacay where I'm wedding planning because the stress over this situation is getting to me. I can't meet my GP to discuss blood tests until September 1 so even though that's a seriously long post I'm not sure why I'm writing all this or if anyone will even care.
But does anyone have experience with this nightmare collection of symptoms? Am I freaking out too much about bright blood? Can anyone tell me for sure I'm just going a little mad and it's going to be ok?
A few years ago I was having cramps and pains in my right abdominal side. Really fucking sore ones too. So I went to the doctors and my regular wasn't there so I spoke to a locum who I shit you not told me that it might be cancer given your fathers history with the bowel C.
This is not what I expected (maybe constipation).
She did not check me over, she did not run any tests and pretty much fucking NOPED me the fuck out of believing I'm going to be ok. This was in the early half of 2014 by the way. Some time passes (a few weeks) before I have the balls to go back and speak to a doctor again and during this time I spend almost every waking minute looking up symptoms only to find that if you look hard enough (or not at all) everything is cancer. Even fucking butter.
I go back stressed to the hills only to find that this doctor is gone. Apparently she's pretty fucking solid at giving bad advice. Still, her little number on me did the trick. I get an assortment of blood tests ran, all that comes back is that my cholesterol is a little high. All clear right? Well the pain still exists to the right of my breastbone (maybe two inches below the right nipple) like a really sore throbbing sensation so in my mind I'm still really bad and I begin deteriorating over the next months to the point where I'm really not able to move from my couch. I have no appetite, no energy, no happiness just stress and anger or maybe even indifference to life. Yeah I was planning out my own funeral in my mind. Thinking about what I'd look like in a coffin, how people would react and what music I wanted played as I left the service (ICHBYG Reprise by She & Him). I was, needless to say, fucked up.
I was convinced after a few months by my then girlfriend (now fiancé) as well as my goodfriend and coworker DT that I was in a depression that I needed help. With that in mind I made my way to a local counsellor who I saw for a number of months, once a week. It helped, kind of. She helped me figure out how to ask for specific tests from my doctor and I underwent some scans (like ultrasounds and all that) - all came back clear aside from a slightly fatty liver. /shrug. I guess when I was we eating it wasn't heathy so fair do. My counsellor helped me approach my fear of death and that there was something seriously wrong with me to the point where she eventually diagnosed me with moderate to severe depression. The suggestion was floated about stress and how it can cause extreme pain and agony for people without any underlying cause.
I finally had a label for what was wrong with me. And she spoke to my doctor and eventually I was prescribed an SSRI to up my serotonin levels. I went back again on/off over the next few weeks as I struggled while my body adapted to the medication (emotionally and physically). I felt no improvement until suddenly I did. I was back and off again to the races where I felt like myself and was able to forget about my fears and watch my diet a little more so I don't have a massive pain.
About a year ago the pain in my upper right rib area came back while travelling Peru, and after reading about the death of Satoru Iwata (😩
from a growth in the bile duct I started freaking out again. Was I going to die too? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?More tests. Two different types of colonoscopy and one from the other direction. Some polyps were excised but found to be benign. All in all, my health was, aside from a touch of arthritis, I'd say pretty good. Also never get a colonoscopy without sedation. I refused it twice and boy was that not fun.
Bloods were fine. Nothing in the fresh ultrasound. Nothing on a chest X-ray (unrelated I had a terrible cough for 3 months) to speak of. Why was I still afraid? Why did I feel like something wasn't right?
Eventually those feels subsided and I got engaged, got happy, started working out more with a personal trainer.
I was me. Sure, a lil bit of fat me, but I'm me. Most of the time. My medication helps with that even if the stress of working remotely offsets it a bit.
Today though? That pain came back in my chest area, I found blood on the tissue when using the bathroom and my current doctor asked for more tests to check my blood count. Since then I flew home to see family for a week and have had another few instances where bright red blood was there while wiping and in one case it was a lot. A hell of a lot but not enough to cause serious blood loss. I'm scared again. It's on my mind all the time. It took three days to pass a stool. That's how blocked up my body was and today I've felt weak and unsteady.
I'm feeling grim again GAF. I'm feeling like I can't enjoy this vacay where I'm wedding planning because the stress over this situation is getting to me. I can't meet my GP to discuss blood tests until September 1 so even though that's a seriously long post I'm not sure why I'm writing all this or if anyone will even care.
But does anyone have experience with this nightmare collection of symptoms? Am I freaking out too much about bright blood? Can anyone tell me for sure I'm just going a little mad and it's going to be ok?
The past two days have just made me feel the worst. Knowing those 2 days are just the tip of the ice berg of shit sandwich of a month or more I am about to endure doesn't have me looking forward to anything. I have a therapy appointment this weekend but have to wait til the day before hand to know if I'll have enough money to go or not. I fucking hate everything right now! The answer to one of my problems sure seems simple enough ask to crash somewhere for a month to build up a bit of money to move. Sure seems super simple yet I have no one willing to help me out I've offered to pay while staying and helping out around the place but no nothing. Until someone is willing to throw me a life line I'll never escape this black hole money wise. I have never been suicidal in my life and I don't ever see myself being that way but my how I just wish I could hibernate till things were fine or just not exist or turn off my feelings as I am freaking losing it here.
Bounceounce
Member
Aaaaaaaargh eveeeerythiiiriririrngs theeeee worst.
I'm a pressure cooker.
No release.
I'm a pressure cooker.
No release.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
Relax. You probably have a belly that's above a 100 centimeter, and sitting in a wrong position can lead to uncomfortable side effects on that. If your blood was fine and you're not abusing something like say, alcohol, you likely have just been sitting in a wrong position and now experience that + anxiety.
In general, I think it's best to avoid alcohol and to some extent coffee when dealing with anxiety and depression. But that's just my view. Depression is kind of silly because consume coffee (in a social context) can supposedly protect against some stuff, but I've never seen an independent study on that so I figure it's not separating social interaction from consumption.
@post above: I don't believe admitting you have the same issue (anxiety) that literally half the planet shares with you should be considered sensitive, but then I don't live in the US. I will say that become more paranoid about 'my data' when I'm on a lower emotional state versus normal, where I realize nobody has any need to know that. Unless you're truly famous, the mediocrity principle means almost everything about you, and any other human, is within a very predictable range of data. And as a matter of fact, that can be really helpful. You should worry about, say, throwing out you TIN or something like that, but everything else is predictable.
Also, knowing that it's predictable means it's actually even weirder not to talk about it. What I mean is: if the human condition already has a concept within it based on the average, that concept should discussed freely and not hidden. Nobody should be left feeling ashamed of being human. (which is a pet peeve of mine when people discuss addiction as something alien to them, when it's perfectly human)
Can I ask what a 'derealization episode' actually is like to experience? I will delete this question if you don't feel comfortable with it. Send a PM if you want to keep it off the board as well.
User 479360
Banned
The pharmacy didn't deliver my Prozac yesterday like they were supposed to. I had dropped in and renewed it on Friday, but I felt self-conscious (I look like a hobo from rarely going out and it's been hot as hell, which isn't great given that I'm prone to sweating a lot) and asked them to deliver.
I had one left, though, so I took that instead of two yesterday. I did so after a friend randomly texted me, and asked if he could come over. He works in another province and flies in and out a lot.
He came over, said he had to go to his trailer for part of today because he'd forgotten to put the cover on his friend's boat, and I recommended that we go up last night because I wanted to go for a drive. So we did. Left at midnight, got home at about 3pm today.
I passed out afterwards. I slept for a decent amount of time there, thankfully, but was still exhausted. I keep sleeping for an hour and a half, awake for 20 minutes, asleep again for 2 hours, etc. It sucks.
I feel really lonely, miss my Mom a ton, and just wish I could be with her. This life doesn't have anything for me. I can't work and I'm embarrassed by how far ahead a lot of my friends are.
I went over to another friend's on Friday, but was bored then and I was honestly kind of bored at the trailer, too. We went fishing, had a couple of drinks...
I had one left, though, so I took that instead of two yesterday. I did so after a friend randomly texted me, and asked if he could come over. He works in another province and flies in and out a lot.
He came over, said he had to go to his trailer for part of today because he'd forgotten to put the cover on his friend's boat, and I recommended that we go up last night because I wanted to go for a drive. So we did. Left at midnight, got home at about 3pm today.
I passed out afterwards. I slept for a decent amount of time there, thankfully, but was still exhausted. I keep sleeping for an hour and a half, awake for 20 minutes, asleep again for 2 hours, etc. It sucks.
I feel really lonely, miss my Mom a ton, and just wish I could be with her. This life doesn't have anything for me. I can't work and I'm embarrassed by how far ahead a lot of my friends are.
I went over to another friend's on Friday, but was bored then and I was honestly kind of bored at the trailer, too. We went fishing, had a couple of drinks...
You seem to be interacting with me, not every job will require you to have a voice and a face.
What sort of things interest you? Let us see if we can find something that takes advantage of your degree and something that you would find fun or entertaining.
If you want, feel free to PM me and I could try to support you with your anxiety.
Why is everything so hard? I can't even get beyond misty-eyed when I can feel my whole body begging to burst into tears. I'm at a point where the despair seems to multiply ridiculously each new time my mood takes a dive, now I'm lying in bed with a thumping headache after 30+ hours with no significant sleep and blowing my brains out has never seemed like a brighter prospect.
I feel so disappointed and betrayed about what life turned out to be.
I feel so disappointed and betrayed about what life turned out to be.
So, I have an update about my cousin. We were informed over an hour ago that his body was found out at sea, so all searches are winding down now. It's difficult to accept, but at the same time I just relieved that he was found and that his family can all have closure now from all this. I'm going to sign out of here for a few days to give myself room for all this and I probably won't talk about it here for a while, so I'll thank anyone in advance for condolences to my cousin's family. It isn't easy, but I'm just glad we can all start the grieving process for him now and move forward with our lives.
Kaffeemann
Banned
I'm sorry to hear about your cousin's family and your loss, BigAl1992.
For anyone that is suffering from depression or anxiety, here is a reading I highly recommend:
First Part
Second Part
Those are quotations from a famous Zen master. I hope they can change the way you look at your problems.
For anyone that is suffering from depression or anxiety, here is a reading I highly recommend:
First Part
Second Part
Those are quotations from a famous Zen master. I hope they can change the way you look at your problems.
Yeah, I can interact OK online. It seems difficult to find that sort of job though, or maybe I'm looking in the wrong places.
I listen to a lot of music and watch a lot of movies, play the occasional video game, and that's about it. Except I've been doing less of all of those things in general lately, but that's a different matter. I've tried writing about movies for a blog thing to build a portfolio that way, but it never got off the ground due to lack of motivation and all that.
I've been thinking about going back to school to study film or something, but I'm not sure what I would do with it, and since I pretty much had a full ride the first time around I'd want to have a firm idea of what I wanted to do before going back and probably having to pay for it this time.
Thanks for taking the time to reply.
half a moon
Banned
I need a hobby other than watching tv and gaming. I get 3 days off work, kind of like 4 since I go in thursday nights, and I'm sitting around like Winnie the Pooh. What to do what to do think think. I'm looking for a second jerb.
Teriyaki Blues
Member
Read this thread on Twitter today by @johnmoe -
https://twitter.com/johnmoe/status/768570703721340929
A lot of feels. Even if you're getting treatment or have successfully beaten these diseases, it helps to have someone on the outside saying the things you already know. For me.
The levothyroxine (synthroid) is definitely improving my mental state. Unfortunately, I'm getting the "extreme fatigue" and "everything hurts" side effects. Nothing really to do about that except tough out the adjustment period and go through the followups. I just wish I had the energy to do anything other than lie in bed all day and play games.
https://twitter.com/johnmoe/status/768570703721340929
A lot of feels. Even if you're getting treatment or have successfully beaten these diseases, it helps to have someone on the outside saying the things you already know. For me.
The levothyroxine (synthroid) is definitely improving my mental state. Unfortunately, I'm getting the "extreme fatigue" and "everything hurts" side effects. Nothing really to do about that except tough out the adjustment period and go through the followups. I just wish I had the energy to do anything other than lie in bed all day and play games.
User 479360
Banned
Sorry to hear about your cousin. I hope you're doing okay.
My condolences to you and yours.
I know that feeling.
Same here. Honestly, I'm just a shell of who I used to be when I went to school and had a good social life. I just lay on the couch all day, sleeping intermittently. When I'm not doing that, I'm usually on the floor beside it, colouring with the help of the coffee table. That's all that really interests me -- watching TV and doing that.
I spend far too much time perusing online dating sites and hating myself for not being able to hook such beautiful women, but that's nothing new.
There was a thread on OT not too long ago called something along the lines of "Just got laid off, any Internet work?" - http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=506674&page=1 - Maybe read through here and see if there's anything that could you do just for a bit of income?
What sort of job would you like to do?
If an option to go back to school is available for you and it's not going to affect your life in a big way I'd definitely suggest it. I'm not sure how old you are or where you're from but going back to school could also help with the anxiety - getting in with a new group of people and throwing yourself in the deep end could do great to help your anxiety.
Collete
Member
Leaving a little inspiration. (Background, I have MDD and GAD)
For two years I was after a man that was with another woman, but I could do nothing about it.
I was in love with him for the longest time, but I stubbornly didn't give up, even after that woman was wanting to get married with him.
Fast forward to today, I'm with that man of my dreams, trying to go after a brighter future, and I'm on a better path with new AD's.
For someone who has been wandering in the dark since birth, no matter how bleak it gets, things can literally turn around in as little as a day.
I'm living proof of it.
For two years I was after a man that was with another woman, but I could do nothing about it.
I was in love with him for the longest time, but I stubbornly didn't give up, even after that woman was wanting to get married with him.
Fast forward to today, I'm with that man of my dreams, trying to go after a brighter future, and I'm on a better path with new AD's.
For someone who has been wandering in the dark since birth, no matter how bleak it gets, things can literally turn around in as little as a day.
I'm living proof of it.
grap3fruitman
Banned
That sounds more like gloating than inspiring. 😞
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