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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #218 - "The Door"
- Thread starter Cyan
- Start date
That seems to be behind Dropbox plus. The link settings for both the folder and file have the "only people with the password" option greyed out.
I mean when you actually save the file, you can put a password on it (depending on what you're using, but even then there's stuff like PrimoPDF that'll let you do it if you don't have a native ability).
Ah, I see what you mean. That worked perfectly, thanks
Now I just need to think of a name. That's a lot easier said than done.
Hey everyone, I'm new to thread and am considering joining in future challenges, but from glancing at some of the previous entries, it seems like most of these entries have a sci-fi or fantasy element to them (or possibly the samples I read were off base)? Is that a requirement or how this thread generally leans?
FlowersisBritish
fleurs n'est pas britannique
Ah, I see what you mean. That worked perfectly, thanks
Now I just need to think of a name. That's a lot easier said than done.
If you're wondering about passwords. A lot of regulars just tend to use a very specific catch all password for all our entries. If you're curious what it is, just click the quote button of this post
Absolutely not a requirement. A couple people (myself included) usually do literary stories. We do have a lot of members who do write mostly fantasy, but that is no way a requirement. You can write whatever you want: sad dreary literary, bombastic space battles,
intense gay erotica
weemadarthur
Member
If you're wondering about passwords. A lot of regulars just tend to use a very specific catch all password for all our entries. If you're curious what it is, just click the quote button of this post
Oh I know the password lol I just couldn't figure out how to put it on. I know now so it's all cool.
I'm a newbie too but from what I've read there's no limit to what you can or can't write about. People won't brush over your story if it isn't a certain genre. The only requirements are that you fit it within the word count, deadline and theme, after that it's fair game to do whatever you want.
HAHAHA You're the best.
Thanks for the moral boost! I wrote something today from an idea stick I pulled out of a writer's tool box.
hope it's good
Fuck.
Thats the main reason I stopped participating.
I loved going to the hangouts and having that exercise, but I write more personal stories, and rarely do world building.
I noticed more and more that this wasnt the focus here, which is ok. But I did feel I was writing drama and submiting to a sci fi contest.
Not saying that theres anything wrong with it, by the way.
I almost did this too this challenge
This assumption just shows how new you are to this challenges
Wordcount we are super strict in though.
FlowersisBritish
fleurs n'est pas britannique
No offense because I know I felt that way when I first started writing here, but through a lot of experiences and lost challenges, I learned that that is definitely not the case. We've had plenty of stories win that weren't genre fiction. Red, back when he posted stories in these threads, wrote a lot of really great literary stories and won a decent number of times. Ashes rarely writes speculative fiction, and the most speculative Tangent gets is with the odd fairytale. I for one, honestly don't care much for fantasy or sci-fi. It's fine and I enjoy it when it comes up, but if it gets a vote from me its because there was something I thought really good in its writing.
This all sounds about right.
choodi
Banned
I tend to actually dock marks for fantasy/sci fi unless they are standout pieces. Anything that is a little different will stick in my memory much longer. That helps greatly when there are 10 stories to judge.
Plus, I never really thought of this as a contest anyway.
Take a risk and finish what you have! You can do it!
There's a reason it's "creative writing challenge" and not "creative writing contest"!
Are you going to let the proclamations of Lying Cat dictate your life? Huh?Oh I will... just not on time, as always
Well, it's not that it is ever wrong...
That was poor phrasing on my part, I meant contest only on the sense that people tebd to follow specific guidelines, hence my "sci fi contest" comment. But what I hopes to get out of it more than anything was experience and helpful feedback.
Hispanic! At the Disco
Member
I always forget about these threads and remember them the day or day before it ends.
Maybe when I get home I'll whip up something in an hour or 2 just because id like to regularly participate.
Edit: or life can get in the way haha. Im bookmarking this for next time!
Maybe when I get home I'll whip up something in an hour or 2 just because id like to regularly participate.
Edit: or life can get in the way haha. Im bookmarking this for next time!
"Backoom" (54 words)
"Is there a backoom there?"
"Yeah there's a vacuum in there."
Lily stared at the door day in and day out. She talked about the vacuum all the time. Talking about her fear and the object of her adrenalin rush.
Then one day, she reached up on her tippy toes, and opened the door.
#entry
"Is there a backoom there?"
"Yeah there's a vacuum in there."
Lily stared at the door day in and day out. She talked about the vacuum all the time. Talking about her fear and the object of her adrenalin rush.
Then one day, she reached up on her tippy toes, and opened the door.
#entry
Because I might be Cyan's imaginary friend anyway, I'm also thinking about jumping ship. Mostly to limit the number of things on my plate. Still not sure. I'll see.
Dongs Macabre
aka Daedalos42
.
Last edited:
FlowersisBritish
fleurs n'est pas britannique
Noisy Ninj4
Member
By the candle lit wind,
and the wholesome hearth,
where the firesticks
fizzle, crackle, and blow;
I write these lines,
trying to fill the darkness
with the light I don't have.
For why do we deny
that for all our efforts,
we are only whispering in each
other's ears, fighting the
decaying half light,
encroaching on our half
spent spirits, watching the
the trickle of sand and space;
as our thoughts build walls
stonewashed with the newest
preachers' subtle hate filled
words.
and the wholesome hearth,
where the firesticks
fizzle, crackle, and blow;
I write these lines,
trying to fill the darkness
with the light I don't have.
For why do we deny
that for all our efforts,
we are only whispering in each
other's ears, fighting the
decaying half light,
encroaching on our half
spent spirits, watching the
the trickle of sand and space;
as our thoughts build walls
stonewashed with the newest
preachers' subtle hate filled
words.
#entry
Entries:
LaMagenta - Abraham Lincoln V
Plum - Wrong Place at the Worst Time
Charade - Where No Door Has Gone Before
Mike M - A Leak in the Basement
Tangent - Backoom
Dongs Macabre - Corpsing
FlowersisBritish - Janice, Why Do I Have a Heart? Falling in Love Hurt so Much!
Alucard - Yesterday's Sky
Noisy Ninj4 - Day in the life
Ashes - Closing doors
Keleesto - The Cowboy and the Tiger
LaMagenta - Abraham Lincoln V
Plum - Wrong Place at the Worst Time
Charade - Where No Door Has Gone Before
Mike M - A Leak in the Basement
Tangent - Backoom
Dongs Macabre - Corpsing
FlowersisBritish - Janice, Why Do I Have a Heart? Falling in Love Hurt so Much!
Alucard - Yesterday's Sky
Noisy Ninj4 - Day in the life
Ashes - Closing doors
Keleesto - The Cowboy and the Tiger
Oh man, that's cold
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
Cyan's parting gift, I presume.
FlowersisBritish
fleurs n'est pas britannique
Here are some votes. I've got comments I'll post a little later tonight.
Votes
1.
2.
3.
HM:
And some feedback:
Mike M: I appreciate your attempt at surrealism, and your descriptions definitely worked: that skull beetle thing was great. This was filled with some really great writing all around. My biggest issue is probably that the actual story tying this events together is a little too flimsy. Usually with such surreal stories, it's triggered by the character's mental instability and the surrealist nature is a metaphor for the MC's crazy, and while I got a sense that there was something off about your MC(is it just really bad OCD?), I didn't get enough to justify the level of fucked up this story eventually got. I also didn't like your ending, just because it felt like it grounded this incredibly bizarre story, but that is more in the realm of personal tastes. Overall, a lot of really great writing and descriptions, that stuffing meat into the arm was really clever. Giving you a lot of points for trying something pretty weird here Mike, even if it didn't work this go.
Plum: Welcome aboard! You got more than a couple laughs out of me, and I like your general premise and the way your ending comes full circle, ending on my most hated thing about technology. This was a good first entry and I'll try and keep my critical comments light. I think the best thing I can offer is to try a specific thing when editing (if you edit) of cutting out 10% to 15% of your word count. This is some advice I got from Stephen King's On Writing and I've always thought it was really good advice. Your descriptions, while none of them bad, are a bit too many in close proximity. That's why the 10% is good, try and cut out what is not necessary to your story, and you'll be amazed at the quality you have left.
Ashes: So I'm trying to go past the usual joke of ”Ha Ha Poetry" because this is a special time! A grim time! Like this poem! So the big issue I've always had with poetry is it is very tough to get a full concise picture. In my mind, that would be the thing that separates good poetry from a good series of lines, and I don't think this crosses that line. What stops it, I think, is that there isn't much visual consistency within it. Which is a shame, because you do have some excellent moments with the various sources of lights going into the beginning to your lack of it(which I think you should linger for another line to offer some counterbalance to the importance you placed on light). Also really enjoyed the way sand and space leads into stonewashed walls, that's some really good imagery leading into imagery that I wish continued from beginning to end here.
Noisy Ninja: This was weird for me structure wise. We went from a pretty good space battle with descriptions giving us a good kinetic feel for the action to a long letter from the captain about betrayal and how they won't lose this war. I feel like there is too much emphasis placed on ”THE WAR" at the end, because when you do that, it requires a bit of context on the enemy, what the war is about, yada yada, and I didn't get that context here. If it weren't for the letter, I would have been more happy with it as a scene about a brief space battle.
Charade: I thought a lot of the writing (and especially the pacing) were really on point here and for a story that should have been boring, it was interesting watching things play out as the door learned more about people and such. I got a good chuckle out of the dramatic effect bit, but I think the thing that does kind of weigh it down is, at its heart, it is about a door, and you give us a bunch of door facts. The door facts and the bits about left to right in human history were kinda dull (but I think I'd keep them because they feel right which is part of good pacing). I feel like for a proper emotional resonance, we needed to know a bit more about the captain, by the end, I cared a lot more about the fate of Computer. Also the ”That's not computer!" is a little on the nose especially w since it's easy to figure out that's not computer at that point.
LaMagenta: This hit home for me in a lot of way. It goes to show how much uncontrollable events in a reader's life can make a story really resonate. A couple minor things. I don't think your opening line is that strong, and I just want to use that to jump off into a bit of talk about setting. The line about them being Mexican American's doesn't really tell us a lot other than that the story is in america, everything else, we can piece together from the spanish. If you want to tell us we're in America, maybe mention the city or state they're in? I think that would work a lot better. I don't think you need to translate the La Prinseca line, the words are close enough together non-spanish speakers can figure it out. Finally, I got kind of weirded out about the Vet keeping the dog? I assumed they were going to get a new dog and lie to the kid tbh? Everything else though was great, I got very emotional at the end, Abuello was a really great character, and overall I really enjoyed reading this!
Keleesto: I was super lost by this tbh. I had to reread it, and I still didn't really get what was happening, John died, but didn't actually and that makes him special. And because he's special, he has to find this important door? And also he saved clementine at some point from a literal gang of ghouls? I think what throws me off is this story starts in the middle of a bigger story, but I don't know if that's the key reason I had a hard time following, because you don't really reveal the larger story at play until halfway through and I was lost before that. I don't know, I really wish I had better comments to offer, but I don't, sorry
Alucard: I like the change of setting in here compared to your usual fantasy setting. I also really like sky ships, in fact, I kind of have a hard on for sky ships. And I do like the idea of sky explorers selling pictures of rare things and that being the big source of income. The writing overall was good, but the action scene didn't really work for me, but I don't really know why? I liked this but wasn't a fan of the ending for personal reasons rather than technical reasons (I just don't like endings where the MC dies tbh).
Dongs Macarbe: So I know he says he isn't an executioner, but he kinda is, and they usually hire people who aren't any kinds of sentimental for executioners. Killing someone over and over again is actually a really rough job that not a lot of people can do, and I just don't see Philipe being able to last more than a week at the place. I am a little confused about the crime, are books banned in general, or just that book? Because I can't see any specific reason for that book specifically to be banned. I did love the choice between the chair or the vial, I think that offers a very interesting fold of morality into your story. Also really loved your restraint in dropping her name, I was kind of meh on you withholding it at first, but by the end that was definitely the right call.
Cyan: I remember when I first started out the challenges, being very impressed with the level of polish you and Mike put out each time and thinking there was no way for me to accomplish that. But I did, and then I set new challenges for myself based off of what you and everyone else did well and the long story short is that you were one of the people who helped me become a much better writer, so thanks!
Tangent: Boooooo! If you leave I understand, these are quite the time commitment, but I'll miss your writing a bunch. You write kids and kid stories so damn well! I don't think any other regular does child friendly adventures even half as well as you do! If you do end up stopping, at least corner some unexpecting business person in an elevator and pitch them a children's book idea.
Votes
1.
LaMagenta - because I got teary-eyed at the end
Dongs Macabre - because his story reminded me a bit of Pyre and also went well the soundtrack I was listening to at the time
Charade - because they too decided to go literal in theme interpretation.
HM:
Mike M - because, even if I don't think it came together, I liked how weird this was to read.
And some feedback:
Mike M: I appreciate your attempt at surrealism, and your descriptions definitely worked: that skull beetle thing was great. This was filled with some really great writing all around. My biggest issue is probably that the actual story tying this events together is a little too flimsy. Usually with such surreal stories, it's triggered by the character's mental instability and the surrealist nature is a metaphor for the MC's crazy, and while I got a sense that there was something off about your MC(is it just really bad OCD?), I didn't get enough to justify the level of fucked up this story eventually got. I also didn't like your ending, just because it felt like it grounded this incredibly bizarre story, but that is more in the realm of personal tastes. Overall, a lot of really great writing and descriptions, that stuffing meat into the arm was really clever. Giving you a lot of points for trying something pretty weird here Mike, even if it didn't work this go.
Plum: Welcome aboard! You got more than a couple laughs out of me, and I like your general premise and the way your ending comes full circle, ending on my most hated thing about technology. This was a good first entry and I'll try and keep my critical comments light. I think the best thing I can offer is to try a specific thing when editing (if you edit) of cutting out 10% to 15% of your word count. This is some advice I got from Stephen King's On Writing and I've always thought it was really good advice. Your descriptions, while none of them bad, are a bit too many in close proximity. That's why the 10% is good, try and cut out what is not necessary to your story, and you'll be amazed at the quality you have left.
Ashes: So I'm trying to go past the usual joke of ”Ha Ha Poetry" because this is a special time! A grim time! Like this poem! So the big issue I've always had with poetry is it is very tough to get a full concise picture. In my mind, that would be the thing that separates good poetry from a good series of lines, and I don't think this crosses that line. What stops it, I think, is that there isn't much visual consistency within it. Which is a shame, because you do have some excellent moments with the various sources of lights going into the beginning to your lack of it(which I think you should linger for another line to offer some counterbalance to the importance you placed on light). Also really enjoyed the way sand and space leads into stonewashed walls, that's some really good imagery leading into imagery that I wish continued from beginning to end here.
Noisy Ninja: This was weird for me structure wise. We went from a pretty good space battle with descriptions giving us a good kinetic feel for the action to a long letter from the captain about betrayal and how they won't lose this war. I feel like there is too much emphasis placed on ”THE WAR" at the end, because when you do that, it requires a bit of context on the enemy, what the war is about, yada yada, and I didn't get that context here. If it weren't for the letter, I would have been more happy with it as a scene about a brief space battle.
Charade: I thought a lot of the writing (and especially the pacing) were really on point here and for a story that should have been boring, it was interesting watching things play out as the door learned more about people and such. I got a good chuckle out of the dramatic effect bit, but I think the thing that does kind of weigh it down is, at its heart, it is about a door, and you give us a bunch of door facts. The door facts and the bits about left to right in human history were kinda dull (but I think I'd keep them because they feel right which is part of good pacing). I feel like for a proper emotional resonance, we needed to know a bit more about the captain, by the end, I cared a lot more about the fate of Computer. Also the ”That's not computer!" is a little on the nose especially w since it's easy to figure out that's not computer at that point.
LaMagenta: This hit home for me in a lot of way. It goes to show how much uncontrollable events in a reader's life can make a story really resonate. A couple minor things. I don't think your opening line is that strong, and I just want to use that to jump off into a bit of talk about setting. The line about them being Mexican American's doesn't really tell us a lot other than that the story is in america, everything else, we can piece together from the spanish. If you want to tell us we're in America, maybe mention the city or state they're in? I think that would work a lot better. I don't think you need to translate the La Prinseca line, the words are close enough together non-spanish speakers can figure it out. Finally, I got kind of weirded out about the Vet keeping the dog? I assumed they were going to get a new dog and lie to the kid tbh? Everything else though was great, I got very emotional at the end, Abuello was a really great character, and overall I really enjoyed reading this!
Keleesto: I was super lost by this tbh. I had to reread it, and I still didn't really get what was happening, John died, but didn't actually and that makes him special. And because he's special, he has to find this important door? And also he saved clementine at some point from a literal gang of ghouls? I think what throws me off is this story starts in the middle of a bigger story, but I don't know if that's the key reason I had a hard time following, because you don't really reveal the larger story at play until halfway through and I was lost before that. I don't know, I really wish I had better comments to offer, but I don't, sorry
Alucard: I like the change of setting in here compared to your usual fantasy setting. I also really like sky ships, in fact, I kind of have a hard on for sky ships. And I do like the idea of sky explorers selling pictures of rare things and that being the big source of income. The writing overall was good, but the action scene didn't really work for me, but I don't really know why? I liked this but wasn't a fan of the ending for personal reasons rather than technical reasons (I just don't like endings where the MC dies tbh).
Dongs Macarbe: So I know he says he isn't an executioner, but he kinda is, and they usually hire people who aren't any kinds of sentimental for executioners. Killing someone over and over again is actually a really rough job that not a lot of people can do, and I just don't see Philipe being able to last more than a week at the place. I am a little confused about the crime, are books banned in general, or just that book? Because I can't see any specific reason for that book specifically to be banned. I did love the choice between the chair or the vial, I think that offers a very interesting fold of morality into your story. Also really loved your restraint in dropping her name, I was kind of meh on you withholding it at first, but by the end that was definitely the right call.
Cyan: I remember when I first started out the challenges, being very impressed with the level of polish you and Mike put out each time and thinking there was no way for me to accomplish that. But I did, and then I set new challenges for myself based off of what you and everyone else did well and the long story short is that you were one of the people who helped me become a much better writer, so thanks!
Tangent: Boooooo! If you leave I understand, these are quite the time commitment, but I'll miss your writing a bunch. You write kids and kid stories so damn well! I don't think any other regular does child friendly adventures even half as well as you do! If you do end up stopping, at least corner some unexpecting business person in an elevator and pitch them a children's book idea.
Dongs Macabre
aka Daedalos42
.
Last edited:
Flowers, thanks for the feedback. I was debating whether or not to kill the MC. Again, it's a story that had a stronger idea. In execution, I think a couple of sentences in my opening paragraph are clunky and needed at least one more editing pass, and most of it could have used a closer look, as I wrote most of it in two and a half hours after midnight.The whole theme of the story is trying to recapture the past and to ignite the spark and feeling that you had for something when you were younger. Quinn has seen it all and is basically cold inside at this point...finding leviathan was about trying to recapture the passion he has lost over the years, and the futility of chasing the past instead of being grateful for the present. The death was supposed to signify that futility.
I also agree with you about the action scene. I wasn't totally feeling it either, as you're left wondering "why the heck would Quinn throw his camera to Ryan if the whole ship is going down and everyone is probably going to die?"
Or something.
I'd love ideas for how this story maybe should have gone or if people like the general idea. I feel like this is one that COULD be made into something special with multiple rewrites.
I also agree with you about the action scene. I wasn't totally feeling it either, as you're left wondering "why the heck would Quinn throw his camera to Ryan if the whole ship is going down and everyone is probably going to die?"
Or something.
I'd love ideas for how this story maybe should have gone or if people like the general idea. I feel like this is one that COULD be made into something special with multiple rewrites.