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[Onemic]

Since it seems like an honest mix-up in terminology and not anything nefarious, it's ok. There are, admittedly, a lot of words to throw around. At least you're not using the porn ones.

I didn't even notice it was you Charron. I swear I haven't seen you since the RB gaf meltdown a couple years ago.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

Anyone remember the Law & Order episode where she didn't tell him? Heart breaking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwmSk9GgPsI

As you can see, she never told him. He went into the bathroom and took and overdose after finding out

I think I saw that one.They ended up putting her in a mens prison if I recall.

 

[Mdeezy]

I would say yes. You present yourself as one thing so make sure that your potential partner knows in advance.

 

[iirate]

anyone incapable of reproducing with their partner should make those difficulties known to their partner, be they physically incapable or merely unwilling.

Wait, what about trans women such as myself that are only interested in other women, or gay trans males? There's usually no assumption of reproduction there; would that change your opinion?

Anyways, I don't like the idea of being in a serious relationship and holding any big secret back. I've already decided not to get involved with some women that I wasn't ready to tell I was trans, and if anything was going to get serious or intimate, I'd certainly tell the person beforehand.

That being said, if you're not in a serious or committed relationship, I don't feel that a trans individual has any obligation to disclose.

 

[lexi]

I personally think there is an obligation to tell before sex. But it's not something you tell straight away, you would never get a date. They will just friendzone you or worse if all you are to them is a 'tranny'.

 

[Gaborn]

I personally think there is an obligation to tell before sex. But it's not something you tell straight away, you would never get a date. They will just friendzone you or worse if all you are to them is a 'tranny'.

Yeah, it's really sad that people will label someone with a slur without even giving them a chance. People are just... PEOPLE.

 

[Emitan]

Yeah, it's really sad that people will label someone with a slur without even giving them a chance. People are just... PEOPLE.

People suck.

 

[Garbaga]

I personally think there is an obligation to tell before sex. But it's not something you tell straight away, you would never get a date. They will just friendzone you or worse if all you are to them is a 'tranny'.

sorry, but I have a marked preference for cis-girls and cis-girls only. i fully support transgendered peoples in their quest for equality but i'm simply unattracted to trans-girls.

 

[lexi]

Yeah, it's really sad that people will label someone with a slur without even giving them a chance. People are just... PEOPLE.

What I really was going for here is that if you disclose in the first breath of introducing yourself like many posters here are demanding, than the person you are introducing yourself to is likely going to write you off as a person, defining you entirely before they get to know you at all.

Exhibit A is the poster above me.

 

[videogames]

sorry, but I have a marked preference for cis-girls and cis-girls only. i fully support transgendered peoples in their quest for equality but i'm simply unattracted to trans-girls.

have you ever had a one night stand.

did you ask them about their genitals at birth

 

[Switters]

The real question is what is Buck Angel? Cause that's a decent lookin dude, with a vagina.

500 years from now we will all be mono-gendered anyway. Things like penises and vaginas will be outmoded stereotypes. Who cares? I don't because I'm immortal and nothing surprises or confuses me anymore.

Real answer, it depends where you are on the culture of trans acceptance globally? The states? It's a polite thing to do and being polite and courteous is very important in relationships, yes?

In other regions of the world? You're probably seeking that type of person out anyway, or it's not a problem.

Either way it's an interesting anecdote about your past to bring up after watching the Matrix and smoking cigarettes on the porch.

 

[Garbaga]

What I really was going for here is that if you disclose in the first breath of introducing yourself like many posters here are demanding, than the person you are introducing yourself to is likely going to write you off as a person, defining you entirely before they get to know you at all.

Exhibit A is the poster above me.

i don't write anyone off as a person.

have you ever had a one night stand.

did you ask them about their genitals at birth

i'm confident that all of the women i've had sex with were not transgendered.

 

[videogames]

i don't write anyone off as a person.

i'm confident that all of the women i've had sex with were not transgendered.

are you sure

what if one of them trans-genders just slipped in

have you ever gotten oral in a bathroom. did you see her clit.

how positive do you have to be to say the stupid shit that you do.

 

[lexi]

i'm confident that all of the women i've had sex with were not transgendered.

You know this because all transwomen have big hands, deep voices, broad shoulders, etc? Just like how you think they would be? Just like how they are on Jerry Springer and in movies?

 

[Sadsic]

I don't care, but a transgendered person probably should not be with a person if this is an issue

 

[Garbaga]

You know this because all transwomen have big hands, deep voices, broad shoulders, etc? Just like how you think they would be? Just like how they are on Jerry Springer and in movies?

are you sure

what if one of them trans-genders just slipped in

have you ever gotten oral in a bathroom. did you see her clit.

how positive do you have to be to say the stupid shit that you do.

i'm confident of it.

i think i'll leave the thread because my sexual preferences are clearly eliciting a negative emotional reaction.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Why would anyone want a relationship based off of a lie? The attempt at deception alone is enough to send every red flag waving.

Be who you are, but be honest about it. Don't try to get a mate by letting them assume something. People have preferences and that should be respected.

 

[lexi]

Why would anyone want a relationship based off of a lie? The attempt at deception alone is enough to send every red flag waving.

Be who you are, but be honest about it. Don't try to get a mate by letting them assume something. People have preferences and that should be respected.

What is the lie? That I'm REALLLLLLY a man, and I just dress like a girl for shits and giggles? To deceive and entrap innocent heterosexual men?

 

[dudeworld]

What I really was going for here is that if you disclose in the first breath of introducing yourself like many posters here are demanding, than the person you are introducing yourself to is likely going to write you off as a person, defining you entirely before they get to know you at all.

Exhibit A is the poster above me.

The person's opinion of you would change when you break the news months/years later. This goes for any big secret, really. drug addiction, religion, some weird things, etc.

If the person considers your news as bad news, it doesn't matter when you tell them. You're better off telling them up front before you waste your time, and theirs.

 

[Acheron]

Yeah you ought to tell me upfront so I don't waste time and money on you.

 

[Emitan]

What is the lie? That I'm REALLLLLLY a man, and I just dress like a girl for shits and giggles? To deceive and entrap innocent heterosexual men?

But all women wish to deceive and entrap innocent heterosexual men! TV told me so!

Yeah you ought to tell me upfront so I don't waste time and money on you.

WTF

I could understand not wanting to date a trans woman but you don't have to be an ass about it.

 

[videogames]

The person's opinion of you would change when you break the news months/years later. This goes for any big secret, really. drug addiction, religion, some weird things, etc.

If the person considers your news as bad news, it doesn't matter when you tell them. You're better off telling them up front before you waste your time, and theirs.

If you're just using someone for sex then why should they tell you? If you're physically attracted to them then what changes? If someone comes up to you that you find really attractive and gives you a bj and you enjoy it, what's wrong with that? You had a boner, found the person attractive, and enjoyed it.

Does your semen rewind across the room and back up your dickspout the second you hear they have a penis between them thighs that contributed to your stiffy?

If you're just in it for sex, and you're attracted to them, then what's the big deal? It's not like you're sharing your lives together. You're getting off, whoop-die-doo

 

[dudeworld]

If you're just using someone for sex then why should they tell you? If you're physically attracted to them then what changes? If someone comes up to you that you find really attractive and gives you a bj and you enjoy it, what's wrong with that? You had a boner, found the person attractive, and enjoyed it.

Does your semen rewind across the room and back up your dickspout the second you hear they have a penis between them thighs that contributed to your stiffy?

If you're just in it for sex, and you're attracted to them, then what's the big deal? It's not like you're sharing your lives together. You're getting off, whoop-die-doo

what does that have to do with what I said? I was responding to lexi who was referring to building relationships (telling upfront, getting written off versus telling them after getting to know them and not getting written off)

in terms of using for sex and one-night stands I have no comment because that's not my thing

 

[SapientWolf]

What I really was going for here is that if you disclose in the first breath of introducing yourself like many posters here are demanding, than the person you are introducing yourself to is likely going to write you off as a person, defining you entirely before they get to know you at all.

Exhibit A is the poster above me.

People aren't always rational. Seems like if they were going to write someone off over that then it's only a matter of time.

My thoughts are that it might be prudent to drop strong hints on the first date to see if they're open minded enough for a second. Otherwise it's harder to predict what will happen when the full story comes out. It could be unpleasant for both parties. The longer it takes the stronger the reaction will be.

If there's no first date then safety should be the primary concern. No harm no foul.

 

[Garbaga]

If you're just using someone for sex then why should they tell you? If you're physically attracted to them then what changes? If someone comes up to you that you find really attractive and gives you a bj and you enjoy it, what's wrong with that? You had a boner, found the person attractive, and enjoyed it.

Does your semen rewind across the room and back up your dickspout the second you hear they have a penis between them thighs that contributed to your stiffy?

If you're just in it for sex, and you're attracted to them, then what's the big deal? It's not like you're sharing your lives together. You're getting off, whoop-die-doo

you should understand a person's sexual preferences and attraction aren't founded upon rational/logical thought; therefore your argument here does not apply.

 

[videogames]

what does that have to do with what I said? I was responding to lexi who was referring to building relationships (telling upfront, getting written off versus telling them after getting to know them and not getting written off)

in terms of using for sex and one-night stands I have no comment because that's not my thing

sex can come before a relationship, yo

 

[Takuya]

Definitely.

 

[Count Dookkake]

People aren't always rational. Seems like if they were going to write someone off over that then it's only a matter of time.

My thoughts are that it might be prudent to drop strong hints on the first date to see if they're open minded enough for a second. Otherwise it's harder to predict what will happen when the full story comes out. It could be unpleasant for both parties. The longer it takes the stronger the reaction will be.

If there's no first date then safety should be the primary concern. No harm no foul.

Yeah, this is probably a good solution.

I've seen a number of questions about transgender stuff pop up on OkCupid. That seems like one such attempt.

 

[antonz]

Seeing how a relationship is supposed to be built on mutual respect and trust it would indicate that being truthful is needed. There have been transgendered people who have been killed because they didnt tell the person they were with and when the truth came out it didnt go well.

Better to lay it all out before things reach a point where reactions can be very bad.

 

[eosos]

Yup, I'd be very pissed if someone didn't tell me.

 

[pgtl_10]

Yes especially if you are going to have sex with your partner.

 

[B!TCH]

Obligated? I don't think anyone is obligated to tell the truth about themselves to anyone, but you should tell the truth about yourself if you trust and care about the person you choose. I would think the person didn't respect me if they didn't want to tell me the truth about themselves (i.e. you are assuming that I'm the type of person that would discriminate against you for that).

 

[CornBurrito]

Do they have to inform people they are having one-night stands with? No.

Should they inform people they intend to have a committed relationship with? Yes.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

I think this is really a hypothetical question more than anything.
Most transgendered people will probably be up front out of fear of being beaten up or killed just because they happened to not disclose the information regarding their previous gender quick enough.

Which is pretty sad...

 

[Vilam]

For flings and stuff? It doesn't really matter...

Seems like a pretty selfish position to take.

I'd say as soon as the romantic interest is mutual between two people on any level whatsoever, information like that should be revealed. That includes overt flirting with each other, agreeing to go on a first date together (prior to the date), etc. If you're just grabbing coffee together and getting to know someone where it remains equal between the two people involved to see if there's an interest there, then sure it doesn't need to be revealed yet.

 

[Dark Octave]

Do they have to inform people they are having one-night stands with? No.

Should they inform people they intend to have a committed relationship with? Yes.

That's the part that people call a "trap".

It matters, even in a one night stand.

 

[alphaNoid]

..

 

[smokeymicpot]

Yes how is this even a question.

 

[JGS]

Potential mates? No

Love interests? Yes

 

[lexi]

I think this is really a hypothetical question more than anything.
Most transgendered people will probably be up front out of fear of being beaten up or killed just because they happened to not disclose the information regarding their previous gender quick enough.

Which is pretty sad...

The rights of heterosexual men to feel secure in their masculinity supersedes a transgendered persons rights to life / well-being. This thread taught me that.

 

[videogames]

That's the part that people call a "trap".

It matters, even in a one night stand.

so this is the only thing, ever, that should be disclosed before sex. this is the bare minimum before funky town.

anything else someone should share about their identity before sex.

The rights of heterosexual men to feel secure in their masculinity supersedes a transgendered persons rights to life / well-being. This thread taught me that.

oh come now, let's not generalize that much! it's just all about that real pussy. it's gotta be real pussy. or else i might feel gay or something the next time i sex a person.

don't make me feel conflicted you crazy transgenders! i support you but you are gross.

how do people actually think like this. they're probably ~christians~

Spoiler

how does it feel, suckas

 

[Phonomezer]

It'd just be good manners to do so.

 

[Garbaga]

The rights of heterosexual men to feel secure in their masculinity supersedes a transgendered persons rights to life / well-being. This thread taught me that.

you're really reaching with this one.

 

[B!TCH]

That's the part that people call a "trap".

It matters, even in a one night stand.

I woud argue that you shouldn't be having a "one night stand" in the first place, but hey, maybe that's just me, bro.

 

[Onemic]

I woud argue that you shouldn't be having a "one night stand" in the first place, but hey, maybe that's just me, bro.

I agree, but it really is a dick move(no pun intended) to not disclose that sort of information

 

[Deleted member 8095]

If I started dating someone and they told me more than 3 dates in I would call it off. That's something you need to be up front about and see if the other person is willing to accept it. It's not a bomb you drop weeks or months into it. That would destroy any trust I would potentially have with that person.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

I agree, but it really is a dick move(no pun intended) to not disclose that sort of information

What you don't know won't hurt you in this case?

 

[lexi]

I've said what I would personally do, I can't speak for every trans person, but I would have thought I was very reasonable about it.

Apparently not. Maybe a Scarlet letter? Tattoo? What's good enough?

 

[Meus Renaissance]

I don't think there's any question on whether you should or not, but I imagine it'd be difficult in practice.

• How do you tell them?
• And most importantly, when do you tell them?

Tough situation to be in for both

 

[Aeana]

sorry, but I have a marked preference for cis-girls and cis-girls only. i fully support transgendered peoples in their quest for equality but i'm simply unattracted to trans-girls.

If you were attracted to a woman who turned out to be trans, then wouldn't that mean you were attracted to a trans-woman? I understand that it would become a turn-off after you gain knowledge, but that initial attraction still happened.