Drop the spoiler if you actually want that to happen for starters
Myself, I just got home from last night's party, it's almost noon here, and I need to sleep in preparation for tonight's party xD
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
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Myself, I just got home from last night's party, it's almost noon here, and I need to sleep in preparation for tonight's party xDWhy did you guys break up in the first place? Was it over some stuff that was situational, and possible to overcome? Cause if not, what are the odds of it working out this time? Always a difficult question to answer but yeah. I hope that, if you guys get back together, it'll work out this time.
As for the positive news for Kung Fu Jedi: I've been a regular here on and off since the original Combine thread. Had some (quite a bit) social anxiety since, well, forever, which messed up a looooot of opportunities with women. I can safely say that's gone now for like 99.9 %. And it's suuuch a relieve.
I'm not a bad looking guy (don't think so) but the social anxiety had a lot of influence on my composure, my way of communicating, on how people looked at me. And now that it's gone....the female attention is...almost overwhelming. This isn't meant to be a brag, but I'm just perplexed by it.
Yesterday evening I asked a girl's number online, which she gave. Five minutes later another girl asked for my number, and we have a date tomorrow. This is a week after I was pretty bummed out about the salsa girl, who I had a great connection with. Still nothing progressed past a bit of dating, but just going through life carefree, and being actually able to enjoy interacting with women/people in general is really great. I guess that counts as good news
edit: Nighty night Minamu!
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Why did you guys break up in the first place? Was it over some stuff that was situational, and possible to overcome? Cause if not, what are the odds of it working out this time? Always a difficult question to answer but yeah. I hope that, if you guys get back together, it'll work out this time.
As for the positive news for Kung Fu Jedi: I've been a regular here on and off since the original Combine thread. Had some (quite a bit) social anxiety since, well, forever, which messed up a looooot of opportunities with women. I can safely say that's gone now for like 99.9 %. And it's suuuch a relieve.
I'm not a bad looking guy (don't think so) but the social anxiety had a lot of influence on my composure, my way of communicating, on how people looked at me. And now that it's gone....the female attention is...almost overwhelming. This isn't meant to be a brag, but I'm just perplexed by it.
Yesterday evening I asked a girl's number online, which she gave. Five minutes later another girl asked for my number, and we have a date tomorrow. This is a week after I was pretty bummed out about the salsa girl, who I had a great connection with. Still nothing progressed past a bit of dating, but just going through life carefree, and being actually able to enjoy interacting with women/people in general is really great. I guess that counts as good news
It does indeed count! Congratulations on coming so far. Hopefully one of these ladies will work out very nicely for you.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
I almost want to join #teemleeness when it comes to amorous relationships.
My sex drive is just down, and I've stopped a couple of female advances without having come to regret it.
Or maybe it's just winter.
My sex drive is just down, and I've stopped a couple of female advances without having come to regret it.
Or maybe it's just winter.
Haha thanks xD Got an additional 6 hours of sleep there at least, feels good! 8pm soon and I just had some breakfast, livin' the high life.
My friend tells me that I might've sounded too concerned (and hence desperate maybe) in the l text I sent her, so that coupled up with bad timings and the probability that she might be confused is why she never replied. I don't know if I can do anything to fix this or if it is even possible. I really wanted a shot at this one.
In any case I won't be able to see her until 6th next month and the only way to contact her is through whatsapp for now. I'm thinking of waiting until I am done with exams late next month, if she contacts before then fine otherwise I'll just send a nonchalant text. I'm like the opposite of the archetypical shy dude extremely comfortable when talking face to face but absolutely horrible at texting.
*Details on what happened are on the previous page.
In any case I won't be able to see her until 6th next month and the only way to contact her is through whatsapp for now. I'm thinking of waiting until I am done with exams late next month, if she contacts before then fine otherwise I'll just send a nonchalant text. I'm like the opposite of the archetypical shy dude extremely comfortable when talking face to face but absolutely horrible at texting.
*Details on what happened are on the previous page.
TurboLibre
Member
You can over analyze anything to make yourself somehow look bad. Just turn it off and shoot from the hip. Say what you want to say, not what you think they want to hear. Don't worry about the rest.
I remember taking ten minutes to send a couple sentence text because I was worried how they would read it. Then I realized I don't read too much into 99% of the texts I get, so why would they?
beat
Member
Tkawsome also answered GutsOfThor's question too. Don't stress too much about what to say or what's the right timing. This isn't some situation where either you're perfect or you're gonna get shot down. (and if it is, you can't be perfect all the time anyways.)
That's good advice man, I usually come across as quite formal and caring in my text, so my friend who briefly dated me once tells me and asked me not to change it if I want to be serious with someone. She also told me to wait for a while, give her some space and send her a casual text after exams to see what's up. I really like this girl and there could be tens of reasons for why this girl was acting so strange and I can't just be thinking that it was all because of me.
Out of Working Order
Member
I see what you're saying, and I'll certainly try.
Again, I'll try. It's just hard when you feel so down on yourself.
For instance, I've just recently paid for 6 months subscription to Match. Before I paid, it said 6 people had added me to their favourites, and I had views from about 10 women everyday. Of course, it says I have to pay before I can see any of these, so I paid for membership. Turns out nobody had added me to their favourites (so where the giant red '6' came from over the 'Favourite' tab, fuck knows), and all of a sudden, the profile views from women have stopped. This has only made me feel worse about myself, because I feel conned, and that it makes total sense that no women have showed interest in me on a dating website. I feel like an utter loser.
And you'd probably feel the same if you were 28 and had never been remotely intimate with a woman, or even got anywhere close to dating. I know I am not the only one in this boat, but damn, I think you have to be really unlucky to end up in this situation.
PflargBlarg
Member
I was 25 before I had any real girlfriend, had not even kissed anyone before that. The difference between us is that I really didn't care. I knew I was great and that it was just a matter of time (since I am really lazy when it comes to going after women). I never felt like a loser because it sincerely never bothered me.
The only thing that makes you a loser is that you think you are. To be tough with you, you sound pathetic on here even though there's not much difference between us. Get it together man.
well i got sex and a free ticket to the hobbit out of this, but the next day she said i should go because it's hard to be around me for too long. i don't believe that for a minute though because she was in a good mood the whole time, i think she just had a date or something.
i have no idea what kind of relationship this is honestly.
I think I have it around here somewhere but I haven't read it unfortunately. I think it's in line with PUA but I'm not sure.
TurboLibre
Member
Do you realize two consecutive people told you to stop thinking of yourself in a bad way, you say you'll try, and you IMMEDIATELY come up with a sad story again?
Shit has to change in the very core of your thinking if you want this to work.
Edit: that isn't to say you can't talk about your frustrations here, because they're very understandable, and very frustrating. But a constant negative mindset is very detrimental to dating. And well, life in general
That's not gonna happen online. Empowe, I do think you should start seeing a therapist and focus on becoming okay with interacting with women in social settings without the pressure of thinking each interaction has to lead to something.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Like most things, it's easier said than done. There's plenty of amazing people I know and am friends with who think of themselves in a bad way and they have no reason to. Unfortunately it's an incredibly difficult cycle to break. It's not something that you can just tell someone to stop once and it fixes it but rather it's a constant struggle where every day you have remind them that there's no reason to think like that and eventually they can accept that themselves. It's a hard thing for many people to accept and usually never fixed instantly by telling someone to not be so hard on themselves.
I agree though that he has to move past it or at least attempt to if he wants to see much improvement but it's also one of the hardest steps, like most things. Best of luck Empowe, you'll get there.
God Enel
Member
maybe you should stop forcing shit and think too much about it. IMHO "love" and stuff like that has to grow and develop in a natural way.
I don't know what you look like and how your fitness level is? Whats up with going out with friends? (if these questions have already been answered, sorry I haven't read your entire story)
So I was flirting with a girl last night and totally forgot to ask for her number. Like she was giving me pecks on the lips and letting me feel her legs and stuff.
Anyways the only other thing I remember other than her first name is her workmate's full name. (We were both on work nights out)
On a creepy scale of 1-10 how creepy would it be to message her workmate via facebook and ask her for her friend's details or at least leave my number with her? Cos I'm thinking it's probably an 11 rating.
Anyways the only other thing I remember other than her first name is her workmate's full name. (We were both on work nights out)
On a creepy scale of 1-10 how creepy would it be to message her workmate via facebook and ask her for her friend's details or at least leave my number with her? Cos I'm thinking it's probably an 11 rating.
TheVampire
Banned
D
Deleted member 74300
Unconfirmed Member
Ugh. Really don't know if I should be "friends" with my ex considering how terrible she made me feel months ago. I almost completely forgotten about her until she decided to apologize to me for the things she said and done in the past for some reason.
Not to mention I have someone who treats me way better than she ever did now. I get the feeling it will end up with us bragging about how things are with our new partners or whatever like some pissing contest. Basically I don't know if I can trust her or not again.
I already knew most of the stuff was your fault to begin with so it's kind of pointless. Thanks anyways I guess.
AdventureRacing
Member
It doesn't sound worth it to me. If you're ex is someone you really miss being around (as a friend) then it's worth considering trying to be friends with them. That really doesn't sound like it's the case there. I don't think it's worth bringing trouble back into your life if you're doing really well. It's probably better for her as well.
D
Deleted member 74300
Unconfirmed Member
Well it's one of those situations where I'm best friends with her friend (not another girl but it's how I met her) and I still do a lot of stuff with him. He was always a sucker for her before and after I was with her. Like he said he wished he was dead or stuff like that after she didn't want to be friends with him anymore after he pissed her off for something that wasn't his fault. I did just about anything I could to convince her to be friends with him again. When I finally did convince her she took most of the credit (go figure). That and she always talked behind his back about not wanting to listen to him or that he annoyed her. I really don't get why he likes her as a friend even if he knew her longer than I did. Oh well it's things like that which make me confused why I would even want her as a friend. She's not all that bad but still.
Fair Trial
Member
Obviouvsly you are a loser: you spent part of your life thinking of being one and talking about it.
Your perception of yourself and reality comes from what you train your brain to think: your routine-thinking is "i have low value", so this belief reflects in everything you do and in interactions with other people.
Negative thinking is like a bad habit or an addiction, you can simply stop it and start seeing yourself in a different light, there's no need to succeed in anything to start this.
Just build new and positive thinking habits by repetition (and affirmations).
Start by counting how many times a day you tell bad things about yourself in your mind and do the same for the positive ones.
The negative will clearly outwheigh the positive, no doubts here.
Invert the process, day by day, dedication is the answer: there are years of negative thoughts and limiting beliefs on your shoulders ready to be wiped away.
You can watch Brent Smith videos (the guy in the OP) or read some NLP books to go deeper, it's worth it.
Your approach to dating is also flawed: you are convinced, like lots of guys, that a woman will give meaning to your life and things will be different by default.
I've got news for you buddy: women don't give meaning to life, ONLY YOU can!
Quit the negative thinking, begin to detach from all the outcome that you think you need so badly.
If you stop obsessing about things you'll get them much easier.
And, for your previous answer: yes, women can sense lack of confidence and deep insecurities, like anybody else.
As other posters said, there's no need to be a psychic, body language and choice of words make you an open book.
The secret to project a confident aura is to think about yourself as a confident guy, no strange technique involved, no better job required.
Great post, aside from the part where you called him a loser. Not true, and not very constructive. But yeah, it's certainly possible to change your point of view. There're a lot of self help neuro linguistic programming or cognitive behavioral therapy self help books. But it takes a lot of work and dedication to be able to use them effectively. I'll echo Pau again and recommend a (decent) therapist. I know a lot of people who went to a therapist to work through some stuff. A therapist should know what he's doing. Even if it's for something as "small" as this.
Fair Trial
Member
I didn't mean he's really a loser, actually i never called anyone "loser" in my entire life.
I meant that viewing himself as a loser is the byproduct of wrong thinking patterns.
Sticking with that will inevitably result in him feeling inadequate no matter what he achieves in the outer world, cause what he truly needs is inner change.
He probably meant that he portrays himself as a loser and view himself as one, thus he is one. Not that he IS one, you know ?
Exactly.
Just tell her thank you for apologizing. If you want to accept her back into your life, then that is up to. If she really did cause you a lot of pain, that may take time. Some people are pretty merciful and forgiving, some aren't. I just hope that you're over her and don't develop some feelings again for her and ruin what you have now.
She's using you. You said you're still in love with her and she knows it. STOP. You are going to get your heart broken again. I wouldn't mess around with her until you're completely over her.
Welcome to the suck. I live in a big city, so each entree is basically $10+. Drinks are also $10 each. Shit adds up, especially because I'm pretty generous about taking the check.
ShadowgeistX
Member
You know, it's possible your life sucks. But you're the one who has to turn it around.
You got suckered by match.com? You can either add it to your reasons to have an endless pity party, or you can learn a lesson from it (ie. maybe I'll google possible dating scams next time, or maybe I'll see if my credit card company will issue a chargeback). Taking action, building resolve...that will probably get you a lot farther than the pity party.
I'm not sure what your goals are, but I don't think you'll achieve any of them if you keep on going the same path. It's up to you though, pretty sure everyone's rammed a similar message down your throat at this point in the thread lol
Yeah, thought you meant that. I just interpreted the very first part of the text I quoted too strongly.
I'm on my way to a date. She has a piercing (major turn on for me as an ex-dready) and also does psychology. Gonna be cool
I have yet to experience a damn tongue piercing xD It's been so close so many times now, it's frustrating :lolI'm on my way to a date. She has a piercing (major turn on for me as an ex-dready) and also does psychology. Gonna be cool
Never done an update during a date; this is a first. She's in the bathroom. And she has a nose and tongue piercing. And she's pretty hot
ShadowgeistX
Member
Never done an update during a date; this is a first. She's in the bathroom. And she has a nose and tongue piercing. And she's pretty hot
What kind of nose piercing? Some of those piercings can be pretty hot, although for whatever reason I'm completely indifferent toward tongue piercings lol.
Love tongue piercings.
electricshake
Member
What about lip piercings?
Ghost_Protocol
Member
Anyone ever recover from a date where you didn't sell yourself as well as you usually do? (extra nervous, not as funny, conversational, etc.) The date goes pretty well (girl initiates kiss at the end), but it's nothing special, and the person leaves with an impression of you that is less than ideal. When you ask them out again, they initially agree, but then cancel on the day of, saying "they're not looking to date".
I've been on several other dates with other girls since that date and all of them, every one, went so so so much better, but of course, I like the original girl much more than the others.
Has anyone been able to kind of "reintroduce" themselves to a former interest and win them over?
I've been on several other dates with other girls since that date and all of them, every one, went so so so much better, but of course, I like the original girl much more than the others.
Has anyone been able to kind of "reintroduce" themselves to a former interest and win them over?
Tinder reminds me.. Tindersticks make some excellent music for steamy sex sessions:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qWJ6iOzrYY
Just what I need tonight, thanks!Never done an update during a date; this is a first. She's in the bathroom. And she has a nose and tongue piercing. And she's pretty hot
I know stn hates it, but sometimes I love tattoos and piercings if done tastefully. It's exotic and forbidden. I don't think I'll ever marry a biker/metal girl but that style can be so damn hot, haha.I know, right?
It does come with a skank label I guess but I can definitely like that in a young girl sometimes. A friend of mine who is absolutely incredibly good looking has both tattoos and snake bite piercings. And some other piercings too If I didn't know any better, I'd be head over heels for her.Just a small subtle stud on the side of her nose. I think it looks both elegant and a bit...tough?
All piercings are equally cool, on the right person. I grew up in a sort of metal crowd and had some crushes on alternative girls with piercings. Lip piercings are also nice
Just what I need tonight, thanks!
I know, right?
Yep, it's definitely more unique and really tickles my fancy.
The date itself was cool when I had a few drinks, but now I'm sobered up I'm not too sure. Feel like an asshole for saying this, but there were quite a few times when I thought she wasn't really getting what I meant. Not intelligent enough. It's pretty important to me, but does that make me a dick? :s
D
Deleted member 74300
Unconfirmed Member
This is true sometimes. I got my first gf while being an aloof sarcastic pervert to one of my friend's lady friend. Then she wanted me for some reason. I'm not sure if those words I used to describe me even go together but you get the idea. Though the last two things are certainly helping me again.
Try to get some friends who don't have a wii.
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