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30 minute talk in 3 hours, help me GAF!

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Dolphin

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Apr 20, 2006
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I have to give a talk in 3 hours for 30 minutes in one of my classes on Vere Gordon Childe--but I completely forgot it was today, and now I'm cramming like hell to get this thing ready. How the hell do I make this thing go on for 30 minutes? Anybody have experience with this sort of thing? Anyone know anything about Vere Gordon Childe?
 

Lonestar

I joined for Erin Brockovich discussion
Jun 6, 2004
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Make a clone of yourself, and send him up to the podium. Wear cheap disguise and heckle your clone from the back row.
 

dskillzhtown

keep your strippers out of my American football
Jun 6, 2004
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So you have 3 hours to get ready and you stop to post on GAF?
 

RBH

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Apr 19, 2007
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professor_t

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May 12, 2006
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Confidential
You probably have no future in anything remotely academic. I would start looking for lines of work that don't require a college degree.

Hope that helps!
 

thefro

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May 14, 2006
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Buy off some classmates to give you random standing ovations to drag the thing out.
 

Fragamemnon

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Jun 7, 2004
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Rig the thing or bail out (see ToxicAdam's post). For a quality 30 minute presentation, I budget way more time than that unless I am so familiar with the subject material that I don't need to do research. And even then I spend about three to four hours getting the slides and notes right.

Vere Gordon Childe

Is this like salsa verde?
 

Fireblend

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Jul 22, 2006
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Have someone break your arm. That way you'll be rushed to the hospital and will be able to skip your presentation.
 

Splatt

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Dolphin said:
I have to give a talk in 3 hours for 30 minutes in one of my classes on Vere Gordon Childe--but I completely forgot it was today, and now I'm cramming like hell to get this thing ready. How the hell do I make this thing go on for 30 minutes? Anybody have experience with this sort of thing? Anyone know anything about Vere Gordon Childe?

Simple.

Take one point of your class and bullshit about it for 30 minutes. Or don't open your mouth and enjoy the awkward silence.
 

Bloodwake

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Jan 25, 2006
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How to be smart:

If you have three hours to find out information, the first thing you NEVER EVER EVER do is get on GAF and start surfing. NEVER EVER EVER.

Seriously, the internet is like a fucking time vortex.
 

Dolphin

Banned
Apr 20, 2006
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Is it considered plagiarism to copy sections of someone's paper for facts, then ad lib them in the form of a talk if you don't turn anything in?
 

Anton Sugar

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Jul 26, 2007
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Dolphin said:
Someone tell me how many pages of text 30 minutes takes up.

Yeah, use an outline. Being "speeched" to blows, and its hard to do, anyways.

Think about stories. Telling stories engages your audience, gets them involved, and its easier for you to talk about. I don't know shit about Vere Gordon Childe though. So good luck.
 

The Lamonster

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Aug 12, 2007
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Kung Fu Jedi said:
Two things. 30 minutes isn't as long as you think. Being interactive with your audience if you can, it really makes the time go fast.

Oh, and stop posting on GAF and get to work.
perfect response. hopefully you took this advice.
 

Lonestar

I joined for Erin Brockovich discussion
Jun 6, 2004
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Dolphin said:
After careful consideration, I've opted to show up drunk.

Well, there is precedence where this strategy works. Example: Last 8 years in Washington DC
 

mCACGj

Member
Sep 4, 2004
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When I do something like this I watch Lord of the Rings. Really takes the time away so I don't have to worry about my project.
 

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
Jun 8, 2004
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pretend you have a stuttering problem. That should extend a 4 minute speech to a 30 minute one if you're convincing enough. No one will want to say anything because they'll all pity you.
 

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
Jun 23, 2004
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It would take a lot of text to fill up 30 minutes...unless you're reading extremely slow. Most people have the tendency to speed up when they're not prepared, so that won't help.

Are you allowed to use videos? Good way to suck up a few minutes.
 

echoshifting

Banned
Mar 29, 2005
29,258
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Pft, 30 minutes is easy! You can do it. Try two hours with 2 out of four groupmates ditching you the morning of the presentation. That was a true cram, aced it (sympathy helped I'm sure but we did a damn fine job all things considered).

When I really have to get ready for something like this in a hurry, note cards save my life. I divide up the presentation into 5-minutes per notecard and write down about five points on each note card covering one aspect of the topic. Bring a couple of extra note cards and leave yourself time to practice it....preferably at least twice but in your case it's looking like once. Good luck!

And yeah of course Q&A/small groups helps but for 30-minutes...nah, you don't really need it. It will be obvious you are unprepared if you switch to Q&A halfway through or something (although I'm not sure that suggestion was entirely serious), but if the prof isn't providing room for them afterwards, 5 minutes looks classy, not unprepared.
 

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
Jun 23, 2004
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Dr_Cogent said:
Use the sounds "uh" and "um" a lot over and over again.

Using "like" is 1000x worse. I remember this girl who said it at least 50 times during a 5 minute presentation. Everybody in class was already counting them up in their heads within the first minute. It really starts getting annoying. You're just screaming "Like what? Like what, motherfucker?!" in your head the entire time.
 

Dolphin

Banned
Apr 20, 2006
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Zeed said:
Aren't you the guy who makes fake posts about being drunk?
That wasn't fake. When I'm drunk I just mash the keyboard and giggle.

I think I'm almost finished writing this thing, I'm going to divide it into talking points and memorize the material I've got. It stands at about six pages. I've got thirty minutes until I have to leave. Anyone know where to get last minute beta blockers? Did I mention I get awful stage fright?
 
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