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A family member needs help, and I don't know how to help. Thinking of just throwing him under the bus.

I refer to my cousin. For years I have suspected things aren't quite right. I'm now coming across a string of clues that seem to all point in one broad direction ----> Schizophrenia

He engages in occasional word salad; is cognitively impaired in various ways and suffers from verbal poverty (ever since he was a toddler - he was not capable of finishing the first 6 years of schooling). Most of my friends seem to be fooled for a few hours, but eventually they too realise he ain't normal. Most tellingly he goes off on delusional tangents in the midst of normal conversation. They tend to stray toward persecutory fantasies where he is some kind of detective in the midst of an internationally significant crime and he's in danger of being found out by the guys he's chasing. Every delusion eventually morphs into this one.

The reason this is new or even relevant to me, is that his parents have attempted to hide his condition from the world, and up until recently he coasted through life without major incident-until he hit an old man with a metal bar and sent him to the hospital. He imagined that the old man had informed on him, telling the bad men where he lives.

To the best of my knowledge his parents never sought treatment, and his delusions have become pronounced to the point of coming up every time I see him and are now being played out in physical ways as mentioned above. Used to be once in every 100 conversations, now almost every conversation ends with signs of an active, ongoing psychosis.

Due to the scummy mindset and culture of my extended family at large, they refuse to acknowledge that his behavior is abnormal and potentially dangerous. They play it off as him being dumb due to a skiing accident. But I know he was born this way, I've known him since he was 1 year old. A simple drug or method of treatment could have mitigated 90% of symptoms and allowed him to get better education. But his parents administered nothing but beatings and drilled behaviors so he could pass off as normal for brief periods in the presence of company. But I know what he is really like.

This evening I tried questioning him, blowing holes in his delusions and worryingly it seems he is not aware of his condition, as many schizophrenics aren't. When confronted with a logical inconsistency, he simply shuts down and goes off on a different, wholly unrelated tangent, eventually working his way back to the core delusion.

I grow tired of this. I know that I'm his only friend in the world, and if I were to cut him off, he would end up in some basement or cell somewhere; he is not capable of supporting himself or having a social circle. He has a sister but she is worse than his parents.

He no doubt brings shame, hardship and potential dangers to those around him. He is a burden on me. It is mentally exhausting listening to his deranged drivel. No it isn't Alex Jones kinds of entertaining-that's a high IQ Schizophrenic. This is just fucking sad.

As mentioned above, despite being scum, he has an immediate family; they provide lodgings and food-as misguided as their little 'hide the crazy guy' parlor trick may be. I am not his psychiatrist, nor am I his guardian. I do not wish to be. I don't know what to do. I suppose I should just let him go. Minimize contact, let him drift toward a full blown episode where people die. Yes, he drives a vehicle (took him 40+ tries and 6 years to pass his driving test). Yes, he passes off as a consenting adult. But he has the mind of an 8 year old, he once got done for being a pedophile but they let him go without charge when they learned just how feeble minded he is. And now he has had his first violent episode.

I can't deal with this bois. I just can't. It ain't my shit to deal with. If his parents can't deal, if his sister can't deal, then let the authorities deal. My taxes pay for that shit too. Let them deal.
 
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Barnabot

Member
Seems like you have already made up your mind and you know all the possible consequences coming from that decision. Good luck for you and your relatives. That's the only thing I can say.
 
The authorities don't deal with it as much as you'd think, depending what country you're in. A lot of people like that just end up homeless. There aren't that many permanent psychiatric facilities anymore, and tax funding for mental health is pretty abysmal.

But the only way to find out what he can even get for assistance is to start the process of reporting this. It kind of blows my mind that he's never been treated. Best case scenario, he could get things like job placement, medication, or even a living situation with people like him. Worst case scenario, nothing really changes. I don't see a big downside to reporting it. I guess you go to a social worker somewhere?

The fact is though, he's a family member, not some random guy. You probably owe him a good and thorough attempt at securing support somehow, and somewhere. Sounds like that should have been done a long, long time ago. And if he's at some kind of facility, or monitored and assisted in some other way, maybe you can see him still with less frequency but still salvage a relationship somehow.

You're going to have a tough time though since you aren't his guardian. Even if you want to help, your options may be very limited. You also have to have this conversation honestly with his guardian; maybe in the presence of a social worker.
 
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He did have a job. For 10+ years he was employed down at a hand-wash lot cleaning cars. It ended when he physically attacked his boss (the boss was stealing his pay). He's not really capable of much else. Would never be allowed on a worksite, and that's most low level laboring jobs.

I think in this country they have good social welfare, but only once you've done something criminal. Here's hoping he commits a victimless crime, serious enough to get him years of state treatment, but not serious enough to kill somebody. Major property damage would do the trick.

I owe him nothing. I've already expended tens of thousands of dollars and thousands of hours of my time simply putting up with him. I've done my part.
 
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He did have a job. For 10+ years he was employed down at a hand-wash lot cleaning cars. It ended when he physically attacked his boss (the boss was stealing his pay). He's not really capable of much else. Would never be allowed on a worksite, and that's most low level laboring jobs.

I think in this country they have good social welfare, but only once you've done something criminal. Here's hoping he commits a victimless crime, serious enough to get him years of state treatment, but not serious enough to kill somebody. Major property damage would do the trick.

I owe him nothing. I've already expended tens of thousands of dollars and thousands of hours of my time simply putting up with him. I've done my part.
Maybe. I'm certainly not an expert on it, but I'm pretty sure there are people with developmental disabilities that live in nursing facilities or different types of support housing since they were young and haven't committed crimes. But I also know for some people it can be next to impossible to get anyone to care or do a thing until it's too late. I guess give it your best shot, and then at least you'd know you tried and your conscience is clear.
 
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I did try. I tried to include him in my circle of friends. I tried to give him a sense of normalcy by giving him a social network and a friend he could trust. It came to nothing. Now its just a burden. My conscious is clear. I guess I'm just venting my frustrations on an issue that I can hardly discuss with anybody consequential in the real world. My mind is made up - his fate is sealed, whatever that may be.
 
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I did try. I tried to include him in my circle of friends. I tried to give him a sense of normalcy by giving him a social network and a friend he could trust. It came to nothing. Now its just a burden.
What I'm saying is, try to get him professional help. You're overburdened at the moment because you're an unpaid health care employee basically. That's asking too much of you, and it's turning to resentment.
 

Tesseract

Banned
is he not on anti psychotics, that would probably be enough to mitigate his symptoms

he needs broad treatment and reclamation, a ged education to get off the mat

if nobody else gives a fuck about him but you, at this point, you are what stands between him and an early grave or getting shackled

sounds like he might be autistic, bipolar, psychotic ... a terrible combination to be sure, something that takes unbelievable will to overcome
 
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slugbahr

Unconfirmed Member
You're going to have a tough time though since you aren't his guardian. Even if you want to help, your options may be very limited. You also have to have this conversation honestly with his guardian; maybe in the presence of a social worker.

I think this is the only thing you can try doing, or to make happen.
If you have the inclination to.

All the best!
 

Mohonky

Member
Its the parents you need to get through to. Providing food and shelter is one thing; but if is to ever have quality of life, he needs treatment. Talking to him about his delusions won't get you anywhere, he likely doesn't even understand what you are talking about as his perception of what happen and what an appropriate response might be aren't rational.

If he has already being noted as being a pedophile, and is now showing signs of aggression, he's likely to end up being involuntarily put into a care facility. Whether he was born that way or not is irrelevant, it's whats happening now and they need to either get him the help he need or accept he is a liability to himself and others.
 

highrider

Banned
The authorities don't deal with it as much as you'd think, depending what country you're in. A lot of people like that just end up homeless. There aren't that many permanent psychiatric facilities anymore, and tax funding for mental health is pretty abysmal.

But the only way to find out what he can even get for assistance is to start the process of reporting this. It kind of blows my mind that he's never been treated. Best case scenario, he could get things like job placement, medication, or even a living situation with people like him. Worst case scenario, nothing really changes. I don't see a big downside to reporting it. I guess you go to a social worker somewhere?

The fact is though, he's a family member, not some random guy. You probably owe him a good and thorough attempt at securing support somehow, and somewhere. Sounds like that should have been done a long, long time ago. And if he's at some kind of facility, or monitored and assisted in some other way, maybe you can see him still with less frequency but still salvage a relationship somehow.

You're going to have a tough time though since you aren't his guardian. Even if you want to help, your options may be very limited. You also have to have this conversation honestly with his guardian; maybe in the presence of a social worker.

I agree wholeheartedly with this perspective, it’s just one of those tough spots that life can put you in. I think to get closure for yourself as you’ve invested in him physically and as a family member, you’ll need to pursue it to the highest level you can. I worked with a guy that murdered someone and was schizophrenic. He had these people come twice a week from the state to our work to physically administer his medication.
 

bitbydeath

Member
Have you spoken to your parents about it? Maybe the families brother/sister would have a better shot at convincing them to do something?
 

demigod

Member
You could let him stay at your place in return to cleaning your “shit”.

Or get him a happy ending if he’s still a virgin.
 

Texas Pride

Banned
My mother in law is a Bipolar-Schizophrenic who has been formally diagnosed by multiple doctors. Despite this she refuses to take meds or acknowledge her condition. Its taxing on everyone and it tests your family and dedication to family. But we don't get to pick family. At the end of the day family is all you can rely on so I wouldn't be too quick to "throw him under the bus" despite his failure to meet your standards in life. I personally have Tourette's syndrome and I'm a huge asshole. The point is we all have failings and shortcomings in life. As humans we're imperfect by definition and holding those flaws against one another especially a family member is fucked up imo.
 

Northeastmonk

Gold Member
There's government assisted programs and behavior therapies. I went to live in a small town for a while and there are centers for people with behavior problems. They're usually monitored all day long, but they get to do jobs like work at grocery stores. It sounds like this guy needs to be part of some behavior program where he can be closely monitored. You could go see him every now and then. Maybe giving them one more shot to get him help is all you need. Once that is done, set your boundaries. Don't wait for them to change. You have your life to live too.

When I was a kid I had my grandpa live with us and he had Alzheimer's. It was an awful experience. Sometimes I feel like it drove my mom a bit insane. They divorced years later, but she had some mental anguish from it all.

You can love someone, but you may end up regretting it years down the road. If you keep it going the way it is.
 
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