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Admin Bans Realistic Portrayal of Fuckwittery in OP

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Kodiak

Not an asshole.
Sep 30, 2006
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In a recent update to their ratings policy, the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) has made it so that any realistic portrayal of women will result in the game receiving the dreaded Adults Only rating, which more or less spells financial death for any game.

Many major retailers, such as Target, Walmart and EB Games will simply flat out refuse to carry any game bearing an Adults Only rating, more or less giving the ESRB to have the last word on what can or can't be in a game.

The move is already proving extremely divisive amongst the games industry, some such as Activision CEO Bobby Kotick lauding the move,

"Personally I feel that this move is a massive boon for us since they [Game Designers] no longer will try to implement female characters in their games that confuse and bore the vast majority of our audience."

While others, such as Ubisoft's Clint Hocking are confused by the decision.
"We were considering making our next Assassin's Creed title star a deadly, yet complex female character; but now that we have to show a certain amount of skin, it really becomes unrealistic for an assassin to wear that type of outfit. We are just going to go with Enzio again, instead."

Developer Valve Software have already responded to the change by issuing a patch for their popular Half Life 2 franchise over their digital distribution platform Steam. The update "fixes" the game and its subsequent episodes primary female character, Alyx Vance, by updating her character model with larger breasts, more exposed midriff, and even replacing much of her spoken dialog with, which generally make her appear more stupid and helpless.

When asked what would become of popular Nintendo character Samus Aran, Nintendo president Satoru Iwata claimed that in all future titles, Samus would be a man. Thankfully however, the most recent edition of Metroid features a version of the character that is considered stupid and ridiculous enough not to be an actual human being. All other games featuring the Metroid star are being pulled indefinitely from store shelves until Nintendo can address the issue somehow.

This is not the first time that the ESRB has wielded its considerable power to censor games. In years past it has slapped the "kiss of death" rating on other games for featuring men and women having sex, such as the Grand Theft Auto sequel "San Andreas" in the infamous "Hot Coffee" scandal.

The long term effects of this policy remain to be seen, but certain game designers are overjoyed and relieved by the decision, such as Gears of War creator Cliff Bleszinzki.

"I was really worried I was going to offend people with this dumbass bitch we have in our new game, but now it's like, no big deal."
 

iNvid02

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Aug 16, 2009
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ILikeFeet

Banned
Oct 12, 2009
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........ I'm not sure I get the point of this post. are you trying to be funny? are you drunk? come on man, tell if we are supposed to think you're stupid or just posting a humorous article.
 

Wario64

works for Gamestop (lol)
Jun 6, 2004
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This thread sounds like some kind of experiment to see if people read the OP or not
 
Feb 7, 2008
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iNvidious01 said:
elaborate

It's obviously an attempt at a joke post. Anyone who responds seriously should question their ability to perceive reality.

But I don't get what this is in relation to. It's not like a new Dead or Alive game just released or anything. It just feels like a random rant against the how most video games portray women, but that's nothing new. And this isn't a particularly funny attempt at it either.
 
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