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[DragoonKain]

I'm kind of in that kind of a mental tug of war right now with a close friend of mine. A friend of mine who I've been super close with for a long time, someone who I have done an incredible amount for... more than most people would do for another person... and sacrificed a lot for since we've known each other, kinda did something to piss me off, and part of my brain kinda just wants to let it go since it's in my nature to let things slide, but there is the other part of my brain that keeps whispering to me "Stop letting people treat you every which way, you shouldn't let this slide. Don't let people use you."

Basically, I had surgery a handful of weeks ago, and not too long before my surgery, I had a serious family situation come up(since it's family I'm not gonna go into details) and this friend knew about both of them. I last talked to him 2 days before my surgery. He has yet to contact me and ask me how I've been doing. At first it didn't bother me. In fact, I didn't even think about it, I'm not of the sensitive nature, I'm not one of those "shower me with attention everyone, I'm not doing well" people. But it's been about 6 weeks now, and about a week ago it started to bother me. At first I was like "eh, he's probably just busy whatever" but when I log onto social media I see him posting. And then I start thinking that this friend went through very similar predicaments... having a medical issue and a very sick family member, and he was calling me all the time for support during this time. And I was there for him every time without fail. Last night I was trying to fall asleep and couldn't and then this situation crept back into my mind and thoughts started flooding and I kinda had an epiphany that I've done way more for those in my life than they've ever done for me. And that's fine, I'm a giver not a taker, but then I thought if this person was an actual friend and actually cared about me he'd have sent me at least one fucking text to ask how my family situation is going and if I survived the surgery.

Then today I found out through a mutual friend of ours, he'd texted this mutual friend just to shoot the shit. And then I went from a little annoyed, to questioning everything from our friendship. But then there's that "stop being a drama queen, do you want him to hold your little hand too???" part of my conscience kicks back in.

So I'm legit not sure if I should be annoyed by this or not. My nature is I'm a very lax person who doesn't let a lot bother me, but when I stop and analyze the situation that's when it kinda irks me and honestly I'm not sure if I can look at them in the same light again. Because you can't guilt people into caring about you. They either do or they don't, and their actions clearly show they do not.

 

[TaySan]

Did he talk to you regularly before the surgery? Sounds like he views you as an acquaintance more than a friend to me.

 

[TrainedRage]

I'm kind of in that kind of a mental tug of war right now with a close friend of mine. A friend of mine who I've been super close with for a long time, someone who I have done an incredible amount for... more than most people would do for another person... and sacrificed a lot for since we've known each other, kinda did something to piss me off, and part of my brain kinda just wants to let it go since it's in my nature to let things slide, but there is the other part of my brain that keeps whispering to me "Stop letting people treat you every which way, you shouldn't let this slide. Don't let people use you."

Basically, I had surgery a handful of weeks ago, and not too long before my surgery, I had a serious family situation come up(since it's family I'm not gonna go into details) and this friend knew about both of them. I last talked to him 2 days before my surgery. He has yet to contact me and ask me how I've been doing. At first it didn't bother me. In fact, I didn't even think about it, I'm not of the sensitive nature, I'm not one of those "shower me with attention everyone, I'm not doing well" people. But it's been about 6 weeks now, and about a week ago it started to bother me. At first I was like "eh, he's probably just busy whatever" but when I log onto social media I see him posting. And then I start thinking that this friend went through very similar predicaments... having a medical issue and a very sick family member, and he was calling me all the time for support during this time. And I was there for him every time without fail. Last night I was trying to fall asleep and couldn't and then this situation crept back into my mind and thoughts started flooding and I kinda had an epiphany that I've done way more for those in my life than they've ever done for me. And that's fine, I'm a giver not a taker, but then I thought if this person was an actual friend and actually cared about me he'd have sent me at least one fucking text to ask how my family situation is going and if I survived the surgery.

Then today I found out through a mutual friend of ours, he'd texted this mutual friend just to shoot the shit. And then I went from a little annoyed, to questioning everything from our friendship. But then there's that "stop being a drama queen, do you want him to hold your little hand too???" part of my conscience kicks back in.

So I'm legit not sure if I should be annoyed by this or not. My nature is I'm a very lax person who doesn't let a lot bother me, but when I stop and analyze the situation that's when it kinda irks me and honestly I'm not sure if I can look at them in the same light again. Because you can't guilt people into caring about you. They either do or they don't, and their actions clearly show they do not.

Eh. Guys aren't the best at this stuff. I went to rehab for a month and didn't hear a peep from ANY of my friends for like 3 months. They were just like, "we wanted to give you time to sort it out without pressuring you to do drugs or drink". Then I was like "awwww".

Just talk to him, whats the worse that can happen. Ask him about it. I wouldn't look too much into it.

 

[DragoonKain]

Did he talk to you regularly before the surgery? Sounds like he views you as an acquaintance more than a friend to me.

Yes, all the time. Though one of the realizations I had these past few days is when we text each other back and forth, I initiate like 90% of the time. Otherwise, they rarely text me. Unless they need something, then they fire me up with reckless abandon.

It used to be way more mutual than that, but I don't know something just happened over the last year where it gradually changed, and I guess I didn't notice it because it's been so gradual that you don't notice small incremental change, but before it didn't used to be this way.

But this person has told me I'm their best friend on multiple occasions and have indicated to my in the past that I'd be his best man when he gets married just in conversation.

 

[Tesseract]

you sound like a girl

sorry, keeping it real

 

[Husky]

Honestly, no matter how close I am to someone, it'd never occur to me to ask if they're doing alright after something like this. Maybe he's like me. It's probably got nothing to do with how he feels about you.

Yes, all the time. Though one of the realizations I had these past few days is when we text each other back and forth, I initiate like 90% of the time. Otherwise, they rarely text me. Unless they need something, then they fire me up with reckless abandon.

It used to be way more mutual than that, but I don't know something just happened over the last year where it gradually changed, and I guess I didn't notice it because it's been so gradual that you don't notice small incremental change, but before it didn't used to be this way.

But this person has told me I'm their best friend on multiple occasions and have indicated to my in the past that I'd be his best man when he gets married just in conversation.

And similarly, I rarely initiate my online conversations, though I engage actively in them once they've begun. Bro are you talking about me?

 

[cryptoadam]

Are you banging this friend? Are you in a seriouse relationship with them? Did you have children with them?

If not then stop being a whiney bitch. Just tell him(or her) that you are kinda pissed they didn't check in on you, but in the end you two are friends not married.

Oh and this is pretty much Larry David from Curb. He was pissed none of his friends asked him about the test results if he had cancer. If you friend is a guy, while thats just guys we don't do emotions that well sometimes.

 

[Karma Jawa]

I think the key part of the OP is that he was calling you all the time when he had issues.

That’s his mindset, which is perfectly reasonable. As far as he’s concerned, people who want help reach out. Not saying he’s right, but that’s obviously how he reacts in those situations. He’s expecting you to behave in the way he did. Because you haven’t he’s probably deliberately keeping his distance.

 

[Spukc]

Drop the fucker get other friends life is too short.

 

[Tesseract]

nobody owes anyone anything

 

[TaySan]

Idk if it's just me, but if I had a close friend went through a serious surgery I would at least want talk to him/her and see if they are doing okay. That's just me, but idk this guy and what he's going through.

Talk to him about it guys suck at this sometimes.

 

[TrainedRage]

nobody owes anyone anything

But you owe me 2 dollars.

 

[Tesseract]

But you owe me 2 dollars.

cash

 

[JareBear: Remastered]

Friends

 

[Son Tofu]

Yes, all the time. Though one of the realizations I had these past few days is when we text each other back and forth, I initiate like 90% of the time. Otherwise, they rarely text me. Unless they need something, then they fire me up with reckless abandon.

It used to be way more mutual than that, but I don't know something just happened over the last year where it gradually changed, and I guess I didn't notice it because it's been so gradual that you don't notice small incremental change, but before it didn't used to be this way.

But this person has told me I'm their best friend on multiple occasions and have indicated to my in the past that I'd be his best man when he gets married just in conversation.

It's called a slow fade.

You and he have been friends for a while and he doesn't want to hurt you by breaking it off suddenly, so he's just limiting himself from you more and more. Happens as you get older too. I've had a few friends do that to me, and I've done it to others as well.

 

[Mista]

Definitely 100% pissed. Ignore the other posts because its all nonsense! Theres no such thing as “oh you are not acting like a man” fuck off. I bet you cunts have someone in your life that you care so much about. Do we get to call you cunts and stop acting like a bitch? Of course not. This is normal, a man got feelings. Stop playing the tough wall role just to look like a man in front whoever the fuck. I had a best friend since a KG literally kids and made it all the way through the aviation academy and then he started acting like a cunt and I ended everything with him. You lot think this doesn’t hurt? Having that one specific friend for literally your entire life up till now and now we both are like strangers. That one friend I stood up for, fought for, slept in the hospital when he had surgeries to keep him company..etc. What am I not a man because this hurts? Well, I’m sorry cause I have a different definition for the word “man” than any of you gangster no feeling pricks

OP, its okay to feel hurt, you have all the right to feel that way especially that you did everything for that person and they never did jackshit for you not because you asked for it but at least out of appreciation for fuck sake. My advice to you is to do the same as I did, cut that person off because they’ll live with ease of mind while you’re the only one that’ll feel like shit in all if this. Learn to cut off whatever gets in your way and your mind comfort way too. Trust me, you’ll live your life the way you should live it. Its gonna hurt which is normal but you’ll end up fine and see yourself sucking it up and moving no. NOTHING is worth taking away my mind comfort and self respect. Rock on my brother and stay strong mate!

 

[Son Tofu]

Definitely 100% pissed. Ignore the other posts because its all nonsense! Theres no such thing as “oh you are not acting like a man” fuck off. I bet you cunts have someone in your life that you care so much about. Do we get to call you cunts and stop acting like a bitch? Of course not. This is normal, a man got feelings. Stop playing the tough wall role just to look like a man in front whoever the fuck. I had a best friend since a KG literally kids and made it all the way through the aviation academy and then he started acting like a cunt and I ended everything with him. You lot think this doesn’t hurt? Having that one specific friend for literally your entire life up till now and now we both are like strangers. That one friend I stood up for, fought for, slept in the hospital when he had surgeries to keep him company..etc. What am I not a man because this hurts? Well, I’m sorry cause I have a different definition for the word “man” than any of you gangster no feeling pricks

OP, its okay to feel hurt, you have all the right to feel that way especially that you did everything for that person and they never did jackshit for you not because you asked for it but at least out of appreciation for fuck sake. My advice to you is to do the same as I did, cut that person off because they’ll live with ease of mind while you’re the only one that’ll feel like shit in all if this. Learn to cut off whatever gets in your way and your mind comfort way too. Trust me, you’ll live your life the way you should live it. Its gonna hurt which is normal but you’ll end up fine and see yourself sucking it up and moving no. NOTHING is worth taking away my mind comfort and self respect. Rock on my brother and stay strong mate!

May I ask how old you are? People drop people. It's upsetting, but it's not worth losing your shit over. Plus meeting new friends is fun too. I just became friends with a guy. I have plans to go hit up a skatepark with him this weekend.

 

[DragoonKain]

nobody owes anyone anything

Part of me agrees with this, but also I think friendship at some point has to be a two way street. Otherwise, I'm just a dude who someone goes to when they need shit. A glorified psychiatrist.

I have people in my life who I talk to and chat with and then I have my friends. For my friends I do expect a little something back. Not the world, but I think we should have expectations of our friends, otherwise, how do we ever grow close to anyone?

 

[Spukc]

Definitely 100% pissed. Ignore the other posts because its all nonsense! Theres no such thing as “oh you are not acting like a man” fuck off. I bet you cunts have someone in your life that you care so much about. Do we get to call you cunts and stop acting like a bitch? Of course not. This is normal, a man got feelings. Stop playing the tough wall role just to look like a man in front whoever the fuck. I had a best friend since a KG literally kids and made it all the way through the aviation academy and then he started acting like a cunt and I ended everything with him. You lot think this doesn’t hurt? Having that one specific friend for literally your entire life up till now and now we both are like strangers. That one friend I stood up for, fought for, slept in the hospital when he had surgeries to keep him company..etc. What am I not a man because this hurts? Well, I’m sorry cause I have a different definition for the word “man” than any of you gangster no feeling pricks

OP, its okay to feel hurt, you have all the right to feel that way especially that you did everything for that person and they never did jackshit for you not because you asked for it but at least out of appreciation for fuck sake. My advice to you is to do the same as I did, cut that person off because they’ll live with ease of mind while you’re the only one that’ll feel like shit in all if this. Learn to cut off whatever gets in your way and your mind comfort way too. Trust me, you’ll live your life the way you should live it. Its gonna hurt which is normal but you’ll end up fine and see yourself sucking it up and moving no. NOTHING is worth taking away my mind comfort and self respect. Rock on my brother and stay strong mate!

i almost grew tits reading this

 

[Mista]

May I ask how old you are? People drop people. It's upsetting, but it's not worth losing your shit over. Plus meeting new friends is fun too. I just became friends with a guy. I have plans to go hit up a skatepark with him this weekend.

I am 28 and I got friends thanks. I don’t need to have a thousand. Yeah and thats what I’m telling OP? Enjoy your weekend

 

[Tesseract]

Part of me agrees with this, but also I think friendship at some point has to be a two way street. Otherwise, I'm just a dude who someone goes to when they need shit. A glorified psychiatrist.

that's just the way it is sometimes

there should be some kind of ping pong if the signal is strong

rifts happen all the time and not always for the reasons we think or expect, post hoc ergo and all that

 

[Mista]

i almost grew tits reading this

Good. Now you can choke my dick with them

 

[cryptoadam]

Shit happens as you get older. Some people just like being alone. Some people get jobs or wives or kids. Most people I know who had large friend groups in their teens have 1 or 2 friends now.

You want someone who will be there for you and care for you, get a wife/husband.

 

[Tesseract]

the biggest slices of life i've seen taken outta various friendships is the significant other, just the nature of the other half

it's always been w/e to me so long as some kinda signal is maintained

 

[Humdinger]

I went through a major surgery, almost died, and I was surprised at some people's reactions. A lot of people I never suspected cared about me ended up making special visits to see me in the hospital, repeatedly. And others, who I thought did care about me, never visited or called, even though they were aware I was on death's door at times.

I learned that some people just aren't very comfortable with serious illness and the prospect of death. They like to keep things superficial and cheerful, and if things get dark or scary, they just aren't equipped to go there. They avoid the situation.

Don't take it personally. I think it says more about them than you.

 

[Tesseract]

I went through a major surgery, almost died, and I was surprised at some people's reactions. A lot of people I never suspected cared about me ended up making special visits to see me in the hospital, repeatedly. And others, who I thought did care about me, never visited or called, even though they were aware I was on death's door at times.

I learned that some people just aren't very comfortable with serious illness and the prospect of death. They like to keep things superficial and cheerful, and if things get dark or scary, they just aren't equipped to go there. They avoid the situation.

Don't take it personally. I think it says more about them than you.

well said

 

[DragoonKain]

If I learned anything I think I'm gonna change my "friend" vetting process significantly going forward. I'm always gonna be nice and good to people, that won't change. But I'm not really gonna be the one who extends the hand to make something a "brotherhood" unless they extend theirs first. I'm fine with a long list of acquaintances, but I really only have ever wanted a small circle of close friends. People you know would take a bullet for one another. It'll be easier to vet out what kinda guy or girl said person is if you see if they're the one who's willing to go the extra mile first before you do. Otherwise, years might go by and you find out you thought you were close friends to someone, but really you were doing 90% of the heavy lifting, and once they got bored they kinda put you in the "acquaintance bin" and I'm not having that.

 

[Hinedorf]

Taking a wild shot in the dark. I had a great group of best buds in high school and we're all facebook friends but I'm the one who never contacts them. When you grow up shit changes and some people don't handle these types of situations well.

My first guess as to what would cause a dude to fall of the grid of friendship is maybe a new relationship romantic/friendship otherwise. The only thing that ever separated my friends was a new girlfriend in the mix. Not to say that doesn't make it right but it happens.

 

[Tesseract]

you will always run into people who fail you along the way (insofar as we perceive time, it's only natural)

i always warn against brotherhoods not empowered by the state for this reason

regardless, you'll know who your friends are, trust yer gut

 

[Punished Miku]

I'm like your friend basically, so I think you'd be pissed at me.

Even my closest friends, I'd probably just leave them to spend time with their actual family if they were getting over something like that. Maybe a text or something. I find it extremely hard to find the energy for maintaining friendships these days, as I feel I just barely even have time for myself, let alone a significant other. I didn't used to be like this, but that's just how it is when you grow up I guess.

If you personally need more than that, then that's okay. Just sounds like this friend is not it.

The only friends I have left are the ones that aren't mad if they don't hear from me for a year, because we are just all busy doing our own thing.

 

[DragoonKain]

I'm big on loyalty, and my biggest insecurity is being used. It's just how I'm wired. It doesn't mean it's the right way to be, but it is how it is. We all have our insecurities and we're all wired differently.

I've never really had any interest getting close to someone whether it be a friend or a romantic partner unless I thought they were going to be loyal to me. If I knew ahead of time that individual would be a flake or someone who drifts away in months/years then I'd never get close with them to begin with. I have no interest. I'd talk to them, and chat with them, but wouldn't have any interest in getting close.

 

[DESTROYA]

If you value the relationship that much give him a call.
It seems that way seeing how pissed you are so be the bigger friend and reach out to him first, if he continues this then he was never that close a friend to begin with.

 

[Tesseract]

I'm big on loyalty, and my biggest insecurity is being used. It's just how I'm wired. It doesn't mean it's the right way to be, but it is how it is. We all have our insecurities and we're all wired differently.

I've never really had any interest getting close to someone whether it be a friend or a romantic partner unless I thought they were going to be loyal to me. If I knew ahead of time that individual would be a flake or someone who drifts away in months/years then I'd never get close with them to begin with. I have no interest. I'd talk to them, and chat with them, but wouldn't have any interest in getting close.

that's fair

 

[DragoonKain]

If you value the relationship that much give him a call.
It seems that way seeing how pissed you are so be the bigger friend and reach out to him first, if he continues this then he was never that close a friend to begin with.

I sent them a text a week ago, they didn't respond. I didn't put that in the OP. Guess I should have. I can't remember if it was later that same day or the next day, I saw them posting some stuff on social media. That's when I was kinda like I'm not gonna bother going forward. They'll call or text me if/when they do.

 

[DragoonKain]

Anyways, appreciate all the replies. I always ask people here to tell it how they see it. You can always be as blunt or as harsh as you want, it doesn't bother me. I respect and appreciate bluntness. I'll maybe post back if/when I hear from them again and let everyone know what went down.

 

[DESTROYA]

I sent them a text a week ago, they didn't respond. I didn't put that in the OP. Guess I should have. I can't remember if it was later that same day or the next day, I saw them posting some stuff on social media. That's when I was kinda like I'm not gonna bother going forward. They'll call or text me if/when they do.

You do know your phone actually lets you make phone calls right? Don’t think I’m not on your side because your friend sounds like he’s a bit of a jerk if he’s ghosting you.

 

[TUROK]

There are a TON of people who are happy to hang out with others under their own terms, but when it comes to the serious shit, they just dip out.

I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. While it's true that nobody owes you anything, real friendship is reciprocal in nature. And thus, the real question is whether you want people like that in your life. Some people are cool with having such commitment-free friendships, others aren't.

 

[DragoonKain]

You do know your phone actually lets you make phone calls right? Don’t think I’m not on your side because your friend sounds like he’s a bit of a jerk if he’s ghosting you.

I'm not gonna call I have nothing really to say. I mean, I'm annoyed, but I'm not over here bawling devastated. I just feel a bit betrayed. I'm tired of being the one that always reaches out. I prefer to leave it up to him, because how he responds in this situation is gonna tell me what capacity I want to be friends with him going forward. And I won't blame him for whatever way it ends up per se, but I'm not gonna be the dude who carries the workload 90% of the time anymore. I've just grown tired of it tbh.

There are a TON of people who are happy to hang out with others under their own terms, but when it comes to the serious shit, they just dip out.

I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. While it's true that nobody owes you anything, real friendship is reciprocal in nature. And thus, the real question is whether you want people like that in your life. Some people are cool with having such commitment-free friendships, others aren't.

I'm cool with having commitment-free friends, but not close friends. I'm very picky with my close inner circle of friends, I only get close to them if I feel we'll be there for each other through thick and thin. This was one of those friends. I'll have other people who I'll hang out with on occasion, and then maybe text once or twice over the next 3-5 months, etc. But I'll have no interest in being "brothers" with them.

Dating I'm kinda the same way. I pretty much never dive in head first to any romantic relationship unless I get strong "long-term thing" signals from them first. Because it's unfair of me to expect that loyalty I like in close relationships from a girl unless they indicate they're interested in that first.

 

[Ailynn]

I'm kind of in that kind of a mental tug of war right now with a close friend of mine. A friend of mine who I've been super close with for a long time, someone who I have done an incredible amount for... more than most people would do for another person... and sacrificed a lot for since we've known each other, kinda did something to piss me off, and part of my brain kinda just wants to let it go since it's in my nature to let things slide, but there is the other part of my brain that keeps whispering to me "Stop letting people treat you every which way, you shouldn't let this slide. Don't let people use you."

Basically, I had surgery a handful of weeks ago, and not too long before my surgery, I had a serious family situation come up(since it's family I'm not gonna go into details) and this friend knew about both of them. I last talked to him 2 days before my surgery. He has yet to contact me and ask me how I've been doing. At first it didn't bother me. In fact, I didn't even think about it, I'm not of the sensitive nature, I'm not one of those "shower me with attention everyone, I'm not doing well" people. But it's been about 6 weeks now, and about a week ago it started to bother me. At first I was like "eh, he's probably just busy whatever" but when I log onto social media I see him posting. And then I start thinking that this friend went through very similar predicaments... having a medical issue and a very sick family member, and he was calling me all the time for support during this time. And I was there for him every time without fail. Last night I was trying to fall asleep and couldn't and then this situation crept back into my mind and thoughts started flooding and I kinda had an epiphany that I've done way more for those in my life than they've ever done for me. And that's fine, I'm a giver not a taker, but then I thought if this person was an actual friend and actually cared about me he'd have sent me at least one fucking text to ask how my family situation is going and if I survived the surgery.

Then today I found out through a mutual friend of ours, he'd texted this mutual friend just to shoot the shit. And then I went from a little annoyed, to questioning everything from our friendship. But then there's that "stop being a drama queen, do you want him to hold your little hand too???" part of my conscience kicks back in.

So I'm legit not sure if I should be annoyed by this or not. My nature is I'm a very lax person who doesn't let a lot bother me, but when I stop and analyze the situation that's when it kinda irks me and honestly I'm not sure if I can look at them in the same light again. Because you can't guilt people into caring about you. They either do or they don't, and their actions clearly show they do not.

This is what it's like for people with big hearts. When we have a large sense of empathy and compassion, I've learned the hard way that some people see that quality in us and latch on...using us for their every need, while never returning that kindness back toward us.

It's difficult not letting things like this hurt our hearts, but it's healthier if we can let the hurt go. Sometimes we just have to let these people drift out of our lives. Don't place any blame on yourself if this happens, and please protect yourself from this in the future. Allowing others to continuously take advantage of your kindness and altruism will only start damaging your sense of compassion, and cause you to start becoming angry with yourself.

 

[zeorhymer]

You start the convo 90% of the time. He may not have been the friend you think he is.

 

[Tesseract]

conversations in the wire will always be strange to me, after a point one user or the other is basically flooding the network with ghost data

 

[DragoonKain]

This is what it's like for people with big hearts. When we have a large sense of empathy and compassion, I've learned the hard way that some people see that quality in us and latch on...using us for their every need, while never returning that kindness back toward us.

It's difficult not letting things like this hurt our hearts, but it's healthier if we can let the hurt go. Sometimes we just have to let these people drift out of our lives. Don't place any blame on yourself if this happens, and please protect yourself from this in the future. Allowing others to continuously take advantage of your kindness and altruism will only start damaging your sense of compassion, and cause you to start becoming angry with yourself.

I know, right? I get no greater joy in the world than being there for those I care about. Especially those struggling. It honestly means the fucking world to me to help someone out, especially when that help makes tangible difference. I never verbally ask for anything in return, but I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't be nice for them to reciprocate in just a small way from time to time, so I know I'm not just being en emotional vending machine.

When someone tells me "I love you man, you're my brother" after I did something nice for em, situations like this make me wonder if they actually do love me like a brother or if it's just something one says in the moment when they're feeling grateful, and over time normalcy rises to the top. Time will tell here, but I already have my gut on where it's gonna go.

 

[Tesseract]

don't forget

 

[DragoonKain]

You start the convo 90% of the time. He may not have been the friend you think he is.

I'm wondering the very same thing. But then I think back to those moments where I'll get the "couldn't have made it through this without you man, seriously" when going over to hang out after a tough breakup, and the like. Couples fall out of love all the time, but I've never heard of "falling out of friend." And by that I mean close friends like really really close friends. Not just a "friend." In my experience there are random periods in your life where you drift apart from friends. High school, college, after college, and special circumstances like if a friend goes into the military and comes back a changed man. But generally, I feel if you have really close friends and you're still close past 30, you usually are friends for life in my experience. If they get married you may not hang out as much, but I don't think you're any less "close."

Posters in this thread have said they've drifted apart from friends, so maybe it's different for others. That's just the way it's been in my experience.

 

[zeorhymer]

Posters in this thread have said they've drifted apart from friends, so maybe it's different for others. That's just the way it's been in my experience.

I've met a lot of people. I've called quite a few of them my friends. When your sphere and their sphere no longer intersect, the bond is weakened. They may get married and have a kid or you may move across the globe. That's why there are levels of friendships. Sometimes you have have to demote your "close" friends and promote others. There's no rule that they can't go back to close status. There are some people I had friends during school, come up to me and said that they regretted not grabbing to the olive branch when they had the chance. Time marches on and you have to do what is right for you to keep yourself sane and centered.

 

[sol_bad]

I had a great friend who I'd see nearly every weekend to hangout with for years. Then one day he moved from the suburbs to the city. Once he moved to the city he barely ever talked to me and I actually haven't talked to him for about 5 years now. The last time I literally saw him is when he came over to acquire a whole bunch of digital codes from my blu ray movies because I don't use them.

Yeah it hurt and yeah I kept it bottled up. Never consumed me though, I just kept living life.

My situation doesn't contain any surgeries but my friend was obviously happy with his new life in the city and didn't need any of his old life around anymore.
It happens.

Stop making effort and concentrate on the people who do consume your life now.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

I'm basically with Mista and Humdinger on this.

And probably for the first time, even TUROK

Amyways hope things get better for you, bro.

 

[MaestroMike]

sorry man but it sounds like hes cheating on u y else wouldn't he contact u?? i'd dump him quick

 

[iconmaster]

DragoonKain , from this and another thread or two of yours I get the impression you invest heavily in a person but also stake your well-being on seeing that substantially reciprocated. Problem is, this makes your happiness dependent on other flawed people. If you could find some source of satisfaction apart from any other human person, you’d be on much firmer ground.

 

[Chairman Tickles]

I had a great friend who I'd see nearly every weekend to hangout with for years. Then one day he moved from the suburbs to the city. Once he moved to the city he barely ever talked to me and I actually haven't talked to him for about 5 years now. The last time I literally saw him is when he came over to acquire a whole bunch of digital codes from my blu ray movies because I don't use them.

Yeah it hurt and yeah I kept it bottled up. Never consumed me though, I just kept living life.

My situation doesn't contain any surgeries but my friend was obviously happy with his new life in the city and didn't need any of his old life around anymore.
It happens.

Stop making effort and concentrate on the people who do consume your life now.

We've all been there and some of us have done it to others. From my experience, such people often find a new group of localized social contacts and tend to focus on them, repeating the very same situation they had with you. i.e they aren't about keeping in touch from afar or 'being internet friends'. It's fine. Different strokes for different folks. It doesn't mean they didn't enjoy their time with you, it just means they aren't interested in maintaining long distance friendships.

If you want true long-distance friendships that last and don't crumble...you must initiate them from the get go under those conditions. Make friends online imo. But the reverse is also true. Don't try to 'meet up in person' with your internet friends. I destroyed a few quality online friendships that way. Especially if its the opposite gender. You have to understand that many of these people prefer to keep a safe distance.

So, to sum it up, if you want the best of both worlds, make some local friends, and make some internet friends. But don't try to combine the two. It usually doesn't work.