Am I the only one that can't stand cuddling/holding hands/intimacy?

[Switch Back 9]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against ALL physical contact. I, like most people, enjoy a good, sweaty, aggressive bang. I'm quite sexually active and when it's go time I'm all about it.

But I fucking hate cuddling, and holding hands, and walking arm in arm, and all that nonsense. If we're not fooling around, I don't like being touched. Especially in public...I find it nauseating when I see couples draped all over each other like they'll wither away and die if they aren't touching skin.

Now obviously, this drives my girlfriend nuts and makes her really sad. She's like most women, or humans in general I suppose, and wants lots of physical affection on a regular basis.

But I don't like it, I don't see a reason for it, and it just grates on me to have to do it to make her feel happy and secure.

Am I strange in this respect? Are there others out there like me?

 

[Klyka]

Your GF probably thinks you just want her to fuck.

Shit's hard son.

 

[bchamba]

Yes I know every single person's opinion on the matter and you are the only person that feels this way

 

[Switch Back 9]

Your GF probably thinks you just want her to fuck.

Shit's hard son.

Well, I show her lots of affection and support in other ways. Lots of compliments, tell her I love her on regular basis, help her out with school and life and stuff etc... It's just the physical shit that I can't stand doing.

 

[Lakitu]

I like it as much as sex. Does that make me weird?

 

[Kurita]

I feel sad for your girlfriend :|

Cuddling is great!

 

[Linkyn]

You're really missing out.

 

[EdibleKnife]

There are a lot of people like you. I don't understand it though. I love physical affection. Let's you know that your touch is valued beyond just sex

 

[A_Gorilla]

I feel sad for your girlfriend :|

Likewise.

 

[FyreWulff]

Dude, sit with her on the couch, and run your fingers up and down her back and the back of her neck up to the bottom of her head while she rests her head on your chest.

It's comforting and feels great.

 

[sophora]

I feel sad for your girlfriend :|

My thoughts pretty much. Dude hates physical affection and she likes it, so probably makes it feel even more awkward when he does show it. I know when I dislike something so much I tend to show it when I do said thing.

 

[ElTorro]

Especially in public...

Why ist that particularly uncomfortable? Are you embarrassed?

 

[highrider]

I'm picturing King Joffrey posting this.

 

[Switch Back 9]

To clarify, I DO cuddle and whatnot with her because I know it means a lot her and she loves it, but like, it's a conscious effort to do so and I don't get any enjoyment out of it outside of making her happy. So I'm not a totally cold-hearted asshole.

Why ist that particularly uncomfortable? Are you embarrassed?

Not at all, it just annoys me when other people do it so I feel hypocritical when I do it myself. I just don't feel the need to announce to the whole world that HEY WE'RE TOGETHER AND WE'RE IN LOVE LOOK AT US.

 

[Dusk Golem]

I remember learning in child development class years ago that this is usually related to whether you were held a lot as a child or more left to your own devices in a crib or something. I have no idea how much truth is in that, but I think the idea is you're more intimate to touch if you experience more closeness at a younger age, and likely to be less fond of it if you didn't grow accustomed to it while developing.

 

[Glasshole]

Likewise.

Dito.

Is that some kind of macho shit?

It makes it even worse considering some of these happen to be in public - so what kinda image do you want other people to see, that you're distancing yourself from your GF?

 

[Blargonaut]

The secret is to always be banging

 

[JJMorris]

Stop making your girlfriend feel awful. Hold her hand and cuddle.

 

[MisterShine]

This is a very common trait in abuse victims. Im sure there are other ways it develops too. So no, not that uncommon.

 

[mullet2000]

I sort of get what you mean.

I don't mind anything you've mentioned but I do find some girls go overboard and it annoys me.

Like, walking holding hands no matter how crowded the area is (thus making it difficult), or wanting to cuddle for like, an hour+ at a time (gets really boring).

One thing that always annoyed me, more in my high school days, was girlfriends wanting to sit on your lap any time you were sitting down. Like, shit woman, I don't want 120 pounds on top of me at all times.

 

[NoblesseOblige]

Not at all, it just annoys me when other people do it so I feel hypocritical when I do it myself. I just don't feel the need to announce to the whole world that HEY WE'RE TOGETHER AND WE'RE IN LOVE LOOK AT US.

Sounds like you care too much what others think. Also that's not why people do it.

 

[Cow Mengde]

I'm guilty of the same mentality.

 

[Dilly]

Not at all, it just annoys me when other people do it so I feel hypocritical when I do it myself. I just don't feel the need to announce to the whole world that HEY WE'RE TOGETHER AND WE'RE IN LOVE LOOK AT US.

I do it because I love the feeling it gives me when I can hold someone.

Like I care if other people see it or not.

 

[Switch Back 9]

This is a very common trait in abuse victims. Im sure there are other ways it develops too. So no, not that uncommon.

Well, I definitely wasn't abused as a child.

Dito.

Is that some kind of macho shit?

It makes it even worse considering some of these happen to be in public - so what kinda image do you want other people to see, that you're distancing yourself from your GF?

Macho shit? Really? I think it's quite the opposite really. Macho dudes always seem to feel the need to announce that they're with a girl, this is THEIR girl and everyone should know it.

 

[red731]

I like doing everything you hate. Can't help here.

or humans in general I suppose

What is the name of your home planet?

ed: and if you stop caring about others doing shit you hate, your life will be even better.

 

[theusedversion]

I feel sad for your girlfriend :|

Cuddling is great!

Cuddling is the bestest.

It's hard for me to even comprehend that, OP. Like where it comes from... what causes you to feel that way. Must be difficult to deal with.

 

[UpperCaseN]

get married. seriously, like 99% of that nonsense goes out the window. we're married, hand holding and public displays of affection seem contrived to me with people the same age as us. (early 30's)

 

[sixteen-bit]

maybe you're aromantic

 

[Zoned]

I agree OP. I can't stand the either. I want to be free when I'm walking or anything. Don't mind kiss, but it's the frickin holding hands that I hate.

 

[GK86]

Yes, the only one.

 

[Alienous]

She's possessive of you. She wants people to know that you're hers.

Isn't that nice?

 

[terrisus]

No, my wife's like that.

 

[styl3s]

To clarify, I DO cuddle and whatnot with her because I know it means a lot her and she loves it, but like, it's a conscious effort to do so and I don't get any enjoyment out of it outside of making her happy. So I'm not a totally cold-hearted asshole.



Not at all, it just annoys me when other people do it so I feel hypocritical when I do it myself. I just don't feel the need to announce to the whole world that HEY WE'RE TOGETHER AND WE'RE IN LOVE LOOK AT US.

The people you care too much about are too busy thinking about shit going on in their lives to give a shit about what's going on with you and your holding hands situation.

Believe me when i say most people do not care and holding hands isn't about "HEY LOOK AT ME I GOTS A GIRL!!11!" some people find comfort holding hands and me personally? I don't care for it but my boyfriend likes it so i do it.

 

[Switch Back 9]

get married. seriously, like 99% of that nonsense goes out the window. we're married, hand holding and public displays of affection seem contrived to me with people the same age as us. (early 30's)

edit: FOR CLARITY PURPOSES. What I dislike about other people doing these things in public is when they go overboard with the affection and over the top PDA's. Other couples holding hands and whatnot doesn't bother me, it's the ones that are draped over each other and can't break eye contact for a second that bugs me.

maybe you're aromantic

A little bit of this perhaps.

The people you care too much about are too busy thinking about shit going on in their lives to even acknowledge you, your girl or your relationship.

Believe me when i say most people don't care.

Oh I'm well aware that no one is sitting there watching us and thinking that, I'm not completely socially unaware.

 

[Lakitu]

I'm not bothered about doing it in public, it's not something I care about. I rather do it when I'm lying with her or we're on the couch or something.

 

[spons]

It's like you gained some major superpower and just threw it away because you don't really like it although it could benefit millions of others as they look in awe to your cuddling.

Yeah I don't have anyone to cuddle with.

 

[LycanXIII]

Was expecting this to be a Rest thread.

 

[red731]

I don't see why me not wanting to constantly be holding and touching her is such a big deal to some of the posters in this thread.

That is your life and we cool with it, but based on your response, you want the same minded people to agree with you.
You really care for what other people think in this regard too much. Be it here or mainly in public where everyone is going by their business.

 

[sophora]

Thank you! This is the thing. It just seems so high-schooly. We have a life together, things are good, we love and support and each other in a variety of ways and have a healthy sex life. I don't see why me not wanting to constantly be holding and touching her is such a big deal to some of the posters in this thread.

Your post said you don't mind a good bang but hate every other affectionate gesture. So I can only assume such. Now if you do stuff like a nice kiss and cuddle every now and then it's whatever. The thing is with these affectionate gestures, it helps in little ways to remind the person that you care about them as an actual person and not someone you just want a good lay with. You don't do these things to appease the people, you do them to show the person you care about that you do (you don't even need to do it in public if it bothers you that much). Actions do speak louder than words, after all.

 

[Fireblend]

I love cuddling, holding hands, resting my head on my gf's shoulder, etc.

It's the absolute best thing ever.

You should try it out someday OP.

 

[FairyD]

I love cuddling and hand holding. It's the best part when I get an escort.

 

[Xe4]

I think I'm the opposite. I love cuddling/hand holding but am not that big of a fan of intercourse.

 

[Switch Back 9]

ed: and if you stop caring about others doing shit you hate, your life will be even better.

Oh believe you me I wish I could. This is the tip of the "shit that people do that annoys me" iceberg. Don't even get me started on people that stand on escalators...

 

[theusedversion]

Not at all, it just annoys me when other people do it so I feel hypocritical when I do it myself. I just don't feel the need to announce to the whole world that HEY WE'RE TOGETHER AND WE'RE IN LOVE LOOK AT US.

Perhaps this is it. I've never looked at pda as an announcement for other people or some kind of macho thing. For me it's just a personal interaction with the one I care about regardless of where I am or who sees us. It happens just as much in private as it does in public so I really don't think it's about that. Sure, some might do that but I don't think that is generally the case. I could be wrong though..Perhaps you could try seeing the affection as nothing more than an expression of love and not about making statements.

 

[ClosingADoor]

Oh believe you me I wish I could. This is the tip of the "shit that people do that annoys me" iceberg. Don't even get me started on people that stand on escalators...

How about couples holding hands standing still on the escalator?

But yeah. If it makes your girlfriend happy, just do it sometimes. Maybe you'll get used to it after a while.

 

[drugstore_cowboy]

Depends who it's with and why.

If you've got an insecure partner and they're doing it to make a statement then it feels all wrong, if it's somebody I'm close to then I dont mind at all.

 

[low-G]

To HATE physical intimacy, and you've always hated it, and you actually DO love your girlfriend, I don't think that's quite normal. If not abuse, maybe it's something like autism?

If you just didn't care for it or didn't get anything from it, that might be relatively normal, but if you are repelled from non-sexual intimacy, there's probably something wrong with you. But not too wrong, so nothing to worry about too much. Tell your girlfriend how you feel and tell her it's not her.

 

[Yaboosh]

Thank you! This is the thing. It just seems so high-schooly. We have a life together, things are good, we love and support and each other in a variety of ways and have a healthy sex life. I don't see why me not wanting to constantly be holding and touching her is such a big deal to some of the posters in this thread.

.

It is a big deaL to your girlfriend, who gives a fuck if it is a big deal to us?


I love holding hands with my wife (both in our 30s). And we don't do it so people know we are together. We do it because we love the contact. Human contact doesn't cause everyone to recoil.

 

[Switch Back 9]

How about couples holding hands standing still on the escalator?

Holy jesus I think you just gave me a mild rage-induced aneurysm.

Your post said you don't mind a good bang but hate every other affectionate gesture. So I can only assume such. Now if you do stuff like a nice kiss and cuddle every now and then it's whatever. The thing is with these affectionate gestures, it helps in little ways to remind the person that you care about them as an actual person and not someone you just want a good lay with. You don't do these things to appease the people, you do them to show the person you care about that you do (you don't even need to do it in public if it bothers you that much). Actions do speak louder than words, after all.

I do kiss her quite often, (in public too believe it or not), it's the long-form physical stuff that I dislike. I've actually started kissing her a lot more to make up for the fact that I don't like holding hands and such.

To HATE physical intimacy, and you've always hated it, and you actually DO love your girlfriend, I don't think that's quite normal. If not abuse, maybe it's something like autism?

If you just didn't care for it or didn't get anything from it, that might be relatively normal, but if you are repelled from non-sexual intimacy, there's probably something wrong with you. But not too wrong, so nothing to worry about too much. Tell your girlfriend how you feel and tell her it's not her.

I tell her all the time, and she's even suggested as much that it mild be a mild form of autism (or something in that realm, not to offend anyone who is actually autistic)

 

[Kusagari]

There's nothing like cuddling after sex, OP.

You're missing out.