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Anybody else struggle with an addiction so severe that they don't see a way out? (long)

Dai Kaiju

Member
UPDATE: 100 days clean!!!!!

Preface:
It started when I was 14 and about to flunk out of my freshman year of high school. I was freaking out because my first quarter GPA was a 1.2 and, while I wasn't sure what my parents' reaction would be once they found out, I knew it wasn't going to be good. So, I'm like "I gotta think of something so they don't end me" and I came up with a scheme to soften the blow. I told them I thought I might have ADD. I didn't really do any research on it and certainly didn't think I had it. I just thought I was lazy and so did everyone else.
The plan was a success. They couldn't chew me up and spit me out in good conscience with the possibility of it not being my fault They took my to a doctor to get evaluated. I did a few hours worth of testing and interviews, and soon enough I had a prescription for ritalin. While it isn't difficult to get diagnosed with ADD, I discovered I was a textbook case of inattentive type ADD. The quiet day dreamer. Always laser focused on the teacher to fool them into think I was absorbed in their lesson while my mind was always a million miles away.

Within 20 minutes of taking the first pill, I felt as if I were the recipient of a successful brain transplant. I couldn't believe it. The reason I didn't bother studying before the medicine was that it was an exercise in futility. I would read the same page over and over AND OVER and every time I would realize I had no idea what I had just read. I couldn't absorb information. Fun fact: When someone has ADD, activity in the prefrontal cortex actually drops that harder they try to focus on something. Anyway, I could finally pay attention in class and focus on homework. That 1st quarter GPA of 1.2 went up to a 2.8 for the second quarter. I figured, it can only get better from here, right?

Here's the problem. It makes you feel pretty darn good when you take it and pretty darn awful when it wears off. I quickly discovered that if I took another one, it made the awful feeling go away. That it is, until it wears off again. That's where my struggle begun.

I've been on almost every ADD medication at one point over the last 20 years. I'm currently prescribed one 50 mg pill of Mydayis. It's the maximum medically allowed dose and I need to take 2 of them just to not feel like I want to die. That means I go through 4 week supply in 2 weeks and, since pharmacies keep a watchful eye on controlled substances, there's nothing I can do for the remaining 2 weeks aside from suffer in my bed. Amphetamine withdrawal is torture and I go through it for 2 weeks EVERY FREAKING MONTH.

A year ago I told myself "I can't live like this anymore" and check myself into rehab. I was curious as to what they were going to give me to ease my withdrawal symptoms. Heroin has suboxone, alcohol has lorazepam etc. I finally meet with the doctor and he tells me there's no medical protocol for treating amphetamine addiction. I discover my options are to suffer away from home with a bunch of stranger who scare me or suffer at home with my family so I checked myself out shortly after talking with him. Next thing I tried was an addiction specialist. She actually tried treating it with a couple different medications. They didn't work. She gave up on me.

I've read that severity of withdrawal depends on how much you've been abusing and for how long....and I've been abusing a whole lot for a very long time. I've also read that it can take up to a year of cessation before noticing any improvement. I literally have no idea what to do. I believe in God and that He capable of healing addictions. I've seen plenty of testimonies on the subject and I have no reason to doubt their validity. Unfortunately for me, God works on His own time despite me trying to rush Him.

Anybody, going through something similar or have any success stories?
 
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AV

We ain't outta here in ten minutes, we won't need no rocket to fly through space
Best of luck, I've heard many amphetamine withdrawal stories and it sounds like hell.

You ever tried cannabis before? Dampening the physical withdrawal with the effects of cannabis is something to consider since you'd be swapping one "high" for another, relieving the associated anxiety, and cannabis itself is almost entirely harmless and not physically addictive. Then you ween yourself off cannabis by... well, not using it for a few days, that's really it. The deep end of that suggestion is psychoactive substances but that would be more to confront the mental side of your addiction and isn't generally something you could maintain as a medium term solution.
 
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haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
I feel for you man. This is why I refuse to take any psychiatric drugs (lord knows I need them). I saw too many friends and family members struggle with getting off them.

Someone close to me kicked a decades long benzo addiction (prescribed legally) by slowly weening off (very slowly). You can do it.
 
While I did more than my fair share of drugs, it was alcohol that almost did me in. Renal failure, esophageal hemorrhage, jaundice, I was on my death bed at point.
Been sober for 10 years, and my life is better now than i could've possibly imagined.

Keep fighting the good fight, if getting sober was easy there wouldn't be any addicts.
 

12Goblins

Lil’ Gobbie
I'm confused. you double up on your dose for 2 weeks and then go off of it for 2 weeks? For what purpose? How do you function at work/school for those 2 weeks? Surely 50mg every day of the months feels better than 0mg daily for 2 weeks, even if 50mg doesn't give you the "euphoric" effects which it sounds like is what you are seeking - I don't understand why else you would take such a big dose - there may be another underlying problem going on here

Also Don't you start to feel better at the end of the 2 weeks when you stop taking them? Why ruin that progress you've made by starting up with 100mg again? problem is you are depleting your brain of all the feel good neurotransmitters by taking such a big dose, which is going to leave you in severe withdrawal when you stop taking them, and during the 2 weeks off your brain starts to rebuild them for you to deplete them again completely with such a big dose
 
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nush

Member
I've also read that it can take up to a year of cessation before noticing any improvement. I literally have no idea what to do. I believe in God and that He capable of healing addictions. I've seen plenty of testimonies on the subject and I have no reason to doubt their validity. Unfortunately for me, God works on His own time despite me trying to rush Him.

Seems like gods telling you to stick with it for a year.
 

BadBurger

Gold Member
I wish I had an answer for you. All I can provide is advice by proxy: I had a friend who's (much) older half brother struggled with severe alcohol addiction for years. He even tried medication. His physical ailments sounded a lot like yours: a week or longer each month of forced bed-ridden withdrawals just to return to a point of being able to function getting blackout drunk each night, which eventually led back to that week in bed, rinse, repeat (edit: to clarify he was able to get away with this because of the nature of his job - three weeks on, one week off, in a remote site. So he worked while getting absolutely hammered each night, then went home for a week to eat the pain alone in bed). He had to check himself into long term rehab and care to get past it. He went away for three months away from society with medical professionals there to help if he got too sick (alcohol withdrawals can literally kill) and he has been fine now for about three years.

Good luck.
 
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TrueLegend

Member
Hey All the best to you. I hope you get well and healthy soon free from your addiction. I am addicted to sexting, that's the best I got so I can't give you any advice.
 

p_xavier

Authorized Fister
I feel for you man. This is why I refuse to take any psychiatric drugs (lord knows I need them). I saw too many friends and family members struggle with getting off them.

Someone close to me kicked a decades long benzo addiction (prescribed legally) by slowly weening off (very slowly). You can do it.
I'm trying to get off so many drugs right now that I don't have any help and can't get it. At least weaning for me is not that major of a deal. I'm used to not sleep for days.
 
You believe in God and you know you need help. That checks off two major boxes in my book.
Reading what you wrote I tried to put myself in the scenario and what I came away with is I personally think I'd give the rehab another chance. I believe that might have been your fork in the road. I do not think it will be easy, bound to get a bit scary, but stick it out and do not think of the worst case scenario, believe in the fact that its darkest before dawn. That you're going to go through something, but in the end it will be life changing. Make it to the place where it is easier to go forward than to go backwards. Thanks for being brave enough to share your story, will be praying for you.
 
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betrayal

Banned
Why don't you hang on for another few weeks of suffering after not being able to take anything for two weeks?

You have to decide if you want to suffer for two weeks every month for the next 30+ years, which is 720+ weeks. Or, you can decide to suffer for 4, 10, 20 or mayben even 50 weeks (with a doctor's supervision).

If you can do two, then you can do four and so on.

Ultimately, you have to ask yourself: Do i want to suffer 720+ weeks or 10 to 50 (worst case).
 

Wildebeest

Member
I don't know what I can offer. Live life one day at a time, don't go obsessing about "how I have ten months left of pure suffering to go through" or anything like that. Your wellbeing is like one of the hardest puzzles out there, and sometimes the weirdest or simplest thing in the world can improve it. If you hear someone say something that sounds too trivial or trite to be helpful like "go for a walk in nature every day" or "drink more/less water" don't just dismiss it. Trying and seeing what happens is better than doing nothing. But it is easier to be more optimistic about such things when your head is already in a good place.
 

Tams

Gold Member
Yeah, you've dug yourself a right hole.

You suffer for two weeks every month, so try and use that to manage a year. Hopefully it won't take that long.

And just my opinion, but give up on the religion malarkey. Marx was wrong about quite a lot, but that religion is an opiate for the people was not one of those things. God isn't going to come help you as it/he/whatever now doesn't exist. 'He works in his own time' is just coping.
 
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FunkMiller

Gold Member
And just my opinion, but give up on the religion malarkey. Marx was wrong about quite a lot, but that religion is an opiate for the people was not one of those things. God isn't going to come help you as it/he/whatever now doesn't exist. 'He works in his own time' is just coping.

This is a fundamentally good point.

I feel for you OP, I really do, but part of your problem might be looking for help in areas where you're not going to find any. You have the strength in yourself to kick your addiction, you really do. I'm not going to try to persuade you away from your religious belief - you don't need anything else to cope with right now - but I would strongly advise it not be the avenue via which you look for support in quitting your addiction.

My best advice would be to seek out and listen to others who have successfully kicked an addiction like yours. They will know what you should do far better than any of us.

Best of luck.
 

Tams

Gold Member
This is a fundamentally good point.

I feel for you OP, I really do, but part of your problem might be looking for help in areas where you're not going to find any. You have the strength in yourself to kick your addiction, you really do. I'm not going to try to persuade you away from your religious belief - you don't need anything else to cope with right now - but I would strongly advise it not be the avenue via which you look for support in quitting your addiction.

My best advice would be to seek out and listen to others who have successfully kicked an addiction like yours. They will know what you should do far better than any of us.

Best of luck.
My biggest issue with using religion on a personal level, is that it takes away agency. If you manage to do something good, you don't congratulate yourself, you congratulate this deity that doesn't exist. If someone else helps you, you deny them some of your gratitude because you give some to that deity. If something good just happens by chance, you don't just accept that life can be good sometimes, but credit it to a deity in the hope of some reward for doing so that will never come.
 
I let my dislike/loathing for religion/god keep me out of the rooms of AA for quite a while. I didn't end up finding god in AA, I did however eventually get sober.
You'll hear a lot of crap in AA/NA meetings, take the bits you find useful and leave the rest in the rooms.
 

DeceptiveAlarm

Gold Member
I was on Herion for 3 years straight then off and on a few times over the course of a couple years. It was hell and I experienced those same feelings. I don't know much about your drug and what happens if you just stop so you should probably consult a doctor for that. I can tell you it wasn't until I started going to Narcotics anonymous, stopped taking and substance including pot and alcohol. Changed my friends. Some serious self work. That I was able to not turn back to herion. I got 8yrs this month. I don't go to as many meetings these days due to having my kids full time. I do though ride my motorcycle with guys that have the same time clean as me or way more. I go out to eat with them. And I still go to meetings when I can. Sometimes that is once a month or so. The key is I stay surrounded in good people and stay focused on recovery.

That's what worked for me. Good luck op. If you need to talk or think I could awnser a question feel free to pm me.
 
soon enough I had a prescription for ritalin.
 

Winter John

Member
Preface:
It started when I was 14 and about to flunk out of my freshman year of high school. I was freaking out because my first quarter GPA was a 1.2 and, while I wasn't sure what my parents' reaction would be once they found out, I knew it wasn't going to be good. So, I'm like "I gotta think of something so they don't end me" and I came up with a scheme to soften the blow. I told them I thought I might have ADD. I didn't really do any research on it and certainly didn't think I had it. I just thought I was lazy and so did everyone else.
The plan was a success. They couldn't chew me up and spit me out in good conscience with the possibility of it not being my fault They took my to a doctor to get evaluated. I did a few hours worth of testing and interviews, and soon enough I had a prescription for ritalin. While it isn't difficult to get diagnosed with ADD, I discovered I was a textbook case of inattentive type ADD. The quiet day dreamer. Always laser focused on the teacher to fool them into think I was absorbed in their lesson while my mind was always a million miles away.

Within 20 minutes of taking the first pill, I felt as if I were the recipient of a successful brain transplant. I couldn't believe it. The reason I didn't bother studying before the medicine was that it was an exercise in futility. I would read the same page over and over AND OVER and every time I would realize I had no idea what I had just read. I couldn't absorb information. Fun fact: When someone has ADD, activity in the prefrontal cortex actually drops that harder they try to focus on something. Anyway, I could finally pay attention in class and focus on homework. That 1st quarter GPA of 1.2 went up to a 2.8 for the second quarter. I figured, it can only get better from here, right?

Here's the problem. It makes you feel pretty darn good when you take it and pretty darn awful when it wears off. I quickly discovered that if I took another one, it made the awful feeling go away. That it is, until it wears off again. That's where my struggle begun.

I've been on almost every ADD medication at one point over the last 20 years. I'm currently prescribed one 50 mg pill of Mydayis. It's the maximum medically allowed dose and I need to take 2 of them just to not feel like I want to die. That means I go through 4 week supply in 2 weeks and, since pharmacies keep a watchful eye on controlled substances, there's nothing I can do for the remaining 2 weeks aside from suffer in my bed. Amphetamine withdrawal is torture and I go through it for 2 weeks EVERY FREAKING MONTH.

A year ago I told myself "I can't live like this anymore" and check myself into rehab. I was curious as to what they were going to give me to ease my withdrawal symptoms. Heroin has suboxone, alcohol has lorazepam etc. I finally meet with the doctor and he tells me there's no medical protocol for treating amphetamine addiction. I discover my options are to suffer away from home with a bunch of stranger who scare me or suffer at home with my family so I checked myself out shortly after talking with him. Next thing I tried was an addiction specialist. She actually tried treating it with a couple different medications. They didn't work. She gave up on me.

I've read that severity of withdrawal depends on how much you've been abusing and for how long....and I've been abusing a whole lot for a very long time. I've also read that it can take up to a year of cessation before noticing any improvement. I literally have no idea what to do. I believe in God and that He capable of healing addictions. I've seen plenty of testimonies on the subject and I have no reason to doubt their validity. Unfortunately for me, God works on His own time despite me trying to rush Him.

Anybody, going through something similar or have any success stories?
I don't know who that "addiction specialist" you went to see was but I can tell you one thing, she was a quack. Your doctor had the right of it.

Now then what I'm going to say might sound mean but it ain't meant to be. You are looking for the easy way out, and that's understandable. Everyone who ever got hooked on something has gone through that phase. I'll tell you right now. There ain't one. If you've actually hit rock bottom, (and to be honest it seems to me you ain't there yet) then you want to go back to that doctor of yours and get yourself back into rehab. Otherwise find a local AA meeting and go to the meetings until your ready to go into rehab. Trying to get straight alone is a fool's errand, and a guaranteed path to failure. I can attest to that. Anyways, good luck


.
 

Ionian

Member
My biggest issue with using religion on a personal level, is that it takes away agency. If you manage to do something good, you don't congratulate yourself, you congratulate this deity that doesn't exist. If someone else helps you, you deny them some of your gratitude because you give some to that deity. If something good just happens by chance, you don't just accept that life can be good sometimes, but credit it to a deity in the hope of some reward for doing so that will never come.

Plenty of good can come from faith in a God. There's many religions, most people grow with one anyway. Or at least they used to.

My Grandfather set himself on fire when making himself breakfast, literally burnt his ear off and severely scared him. His was given an extremely small chance of survival, it was under 10%. Think it was 6%.

Oh he survived alright due to his faith and prayer. He obviously was hideously physically destroyed (setting yourself on fire kind does that, his pyjamas melted into his flesh but his faith kept him moving along once hospitalized and afterwards. I used to have to read passages to him at night as it comforted him.

I don't believe in a God but I have seen the positive effect on numerous people who do. You obviously have no idea what you are talking about, saying a phrase like "thank God", is second nature in most places. People don't go around the street screaming it. It's a natural harmless reaction that nobody thinks twice about when saying it.
 

p_xavier

Authorized Fister
I'm in that case, I manage to stay sober for a few days then go back to alcohol and drugs. My body had enough and it its literally killing me but nothing is working to heal my anxiety. I'm highly functionnal which surprises people.
 
At the end of the day you just have to do it. That's what people mean when they talk about rock bottom. Nothing ever changes in terms of your agency. You're the only one who can do it, and you won't do it until you do it.

20 years of this, and it wont stop until you stop it. Doesn't matter how. Some go to rehab. Who cares if you have to be around some strangers. Do they scare you? Well that's good, because that's your future. Stare them in the face and use that as your motivation. Some go cold turkey. Who cares if you feel sick for a while. Some replace their habits with positive or less harmful things.

Pick something and make it happen. Willpower is like a muscle. Every time you promise yourself that you're going to do something and you lie to yourself you get weaker. You should start by trying to keep your own word to yourself. Start small. When you promise yourself things, follow through. Otherwise your internal monologue with yourself is just going to consist of toxic excuses.

If it can't be treated medically with other medications to ease the transition, then the rest is going to be psychological. You'll get there eventually. The trick is to wake up and do it before your version of rock bottom destroys your life and wastes more years.
 
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Tams

Gold Member
Plenty of good can come from faith in a God. There's many religions, most people grow with one anyway. Or at least they used to.

My Grandfather set himself on fire when making himself breakfast, literally burnt his ear off and severely scared him. His was given an extremely small chance of survival, it was under 10%. Think it was 6%.

Oh he survived alright due to his faith and prayer. He obviously was hideously physically destroyed (setting yourself on fire kind does that, his pyjamas melted into his flesh but his faith kept him moving along once hospitalized and afterwards. I used to have to read passages to him at night as it comforted him.

I don't believe in a God but I have seen the positive effect on numerous people who do. You obviously have no idea what you are talking about, saying a phrase like "thank God", is second nature in most places. People don't go around the street screaming it. It's a natural harmless reaction that nobody thinks twice about when saying it.
Sure, it's a crutch for a lot of people and like a crutch it helps them.

But ultimately it is based on a lie, and like most lies, there's a significant risk that it's going to backfire at some point.

And that phrases like 'thank God', 'Oh my God' and 'damn' are all commonly used is just an interesting fact of etymology and history. It does not imply belief in God at all and is only linked to it because religion used to be such a huge and integral part of societies. We don't live in the 16th century anymore though and really shouldn't aspire to.


Back to OP. There's some good advice here. You need to exercise your willpower and agency. Ultimately it's your life that's being damaged, but also you are the sole person who can do the most to change it. And it's you who has to change. Others can only help.

So what if the rehab doesn't have drugs to help you? At least there are people there who can help you and keep you away from the drugs you currently use. But there's no easy way out of this, so you might as well suffer through withdrawal with that help. And talk to the patients there; it might help. Maybe they'll inspire hope in you, whether it's because you see them do well, you see what they are and don't want to become that, or they have some good insights.
 
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Loope

Member
While I did more than my fair share of drugs, it was alcohol that almost did me in. Renal failure, esophageal hemorrhage, jaundice, I was on my death bed at point.
Been sober for 10 years, and my life is better now than i could've possibly imagined.

Keep fighting the good fight, if getting sober was easy there wouldn't be any addicts.
SAme here man. Had an accute pancreatitis, kidney failure etc. Been going strong for 16 years. Not a single drop, not even when i got married.
 

Loope

Member
I'm in that case, I manage to stay sober for a few days then go back to alcohol and drugs. My body had enough and it its literally killing me but nothing is working to heal my anxiety. I'm highly functionnal which surprises people.
I was too man. Until the day it hit me hard. Everyone else around me was surprised, because i was highly functional at all levels.
 

Dai Kaiju

Member
To those crapping on my beliefs, I used to be like you. Probably worse. I thought I was too smart to believe in anything spiritual and I thought anyone who did was either crazy, stupid, or a combination of the two. In my late 20's however, I started to have experiences that gradually changed my mind until I became 100% certain of God's existence. I'm not going to try and change anyone's mind though. I know that during my atheist years I would just groan and role my eyes at anyone who tried to tell me I was wrong.

Anyway, I appreciate everyone's support and advice. I've actually beat an alcohol addiction 7 years ago. I was drinking 2 and a half pins of vodka every day for 2 years until I went to the hospital with pancreatitis. Two things helped. A medication called acamprosate that got rid of my cravings for alcohol and the doctors telling me I would probably not survive a relapse.
 

MaestroMike

Gold Member
 

IntentionalPun

Ask me about my wife's perfect butthole
Good luck my friend.

I love drugs. Will probably kill me but I love them more than life itself.
 

TheInfamousKira

Reseterror Resettler
Preface:
It started when I was 14 and about to flunk out of my freshman year of high school. I was freaking out because my first quarter GPA was a 1.2 and, while I wasn't sure what my parents' reaction would be once they found out, I knew it wasn't going to be good. So, I'm like "I gotta think of something so they don't end me" and I came up with a scheme to soften the blow. I told them I thought I might have ADD. I didn't really do any research on it and certainly didn't think I had it. I just thought I was lazy and so did everyone else.
The plan was a success. They couldn't chew me up and spit me out in good conscience with the possibility of it not being my fault They took my to a doctor to get evaluated. I did a few hours worth of testing and interviews, and soon enough I had a prescription for ritalin. While it isn't difficult to get diagnosed with ADD, I discovered I was a textbook case of inattentive type ADD. The quiet day dreamer. Always laser focused on the teacher to fool them into think I was absorbed in their lesson while my mind was always a million miles away.

Within 20 minutes of taking the first pill, I felt as if I were the recipient of a successful brain transplant. I couldn't believe it. The reason I didn't bother studying before the medicine was that it was an exercise in futility. I would read the same page over and over AND OVER and every time I would realize I had no idea what I had just read. I couldn't absorb information. Fun fact: When someone has ADD, activity in the prefrontal cortex actually drops that harder they try to focus on something. Anyway, I could finally pay attention in class and focus on homework. That 1st quarter GPA of 1.2 went up to a 2.8 for the second quarter. I figured, it can only get better from here, right?

Here's the problem. It makes you feel pretty darn good when you take it and pretty darn awful when it wears off. I quickly discovered that if I took another one, it made the awful feeling go away. That it is, until it wears off again. That's where my struggle begun.

I've been on almost every ADD medication at one point over the last 20 years. I'm currently prescribed one 50 mg pill of Mydayis. It's the maximum medically allowed dose and I need to take 2 of them just to not feel like I want to die. That means I go through 4 week supply in 2 weeks and, since pharmacies keep a watchful eye on controlled substances, there's nothing I can do for the remaining 2 weeks aside from suffer in my bed. Amphetamine withdrawal is torture and I go through it for 2 weeks EVERY FREAKING MONTH.

A year ago I told myself "I can't live like this anymore" and check myself into rehab. I was curious as to what they were going to give me to ease my withdrawal symptoms. Heroin has suboxone, alcohol has lorazepam etc. I finally meet with the doctor and he tells me there's no medical protocol for treating amphetamine addiction. I discover my options are to suffer away from home with a bunch of stranger who scare me or suffer at home with my family so I checked myself out shortly after talking with him. Next thing I tried was an addiction specialist. She actually tried treating it with a couple different medications. They didn't work. She gave up on me.

I've read that severity of withdrawal depends on how much you've been abusing and for how long....and I've been abusing a whole lot for a very long time. I've also read that it can take up to a year of cessation before noticing any improvement. I literally have no idea what to do. I believe in God and that He capable of healing addictions. I've seen plenty of testimonies on the subject and I have no reason to doubt their validity. Unfortunately for me, God works on His own time despite me trying to rush Him.

Anybody, going through something similar or have any success stories?

I don't make it an effort to spout this out too often, OP, but I was HEAVILY addicted to some HARD stuff for the better part of three years. It took losing my job, my friends, and my home and moving across the country and completely reevaluating the people and things that mattered to me to get out of it relatively undamaged. Turns out, I was self medicating a lot of very real, very treatable issues (major depressive disorder was the big one) and for a time I felt pretty hopeless about it. I use to joke with "friends," (several of whom are dead now) that I'd either end up in rehab or a morgue. Turns out, I didn't end up in either place.

Chemical addiction and withdrawal and stuff are VERY real, and people who say "just don't/stop do(ing) it," pretty clearly haven't been exposed to anything more potent than caffeine, but it's important to remember that initially, it was a conscious decision *you* made, and as quickly as it can spiral out of control, another decision (like stopping) can just as quickly turn things around. My life is like...250% better, and I mean...it happened so quickly and organically.

Another thing, mental dependence is often the kicker. Most drugs go with the "three week," rule unless you're like hopelessly strung out on heroin. If you can make it three weeks without the substance, the physical need for it dissipates. So find someone you trust, and just talk to them when it gets rough. Fuck, PM me, I'll bullshit with you. It takes a lot of willpower to openly discuss this shit, even under the relative anonymity of the internet, so you got the drive, at least.

Another thing: don't ignore your body and brain. If you're having some issue with sobriety, where you don't feel as good or capable or what have you without drugs, then in all likelihood, it's a physical/mental issue that can be reworked and treated rather harmlessly and non-invasively. Drugs are tempting because they work instantly, and they work WELL. But the downsides are apparent, and something with a little less kick (and prescribed by a physician) will probably work much better and more noticeably for you in the long run. Good luck, dude. Sorry for the wall of text, but this shit is near and dear to me, and it's really not hopeless, you just need to make a conscious decision that the next ten years aren't worth the high that lasts 6/8 hours.
 

IntentionalPun

Ask me about my wife's perfect butthole
Your internal drives have been chemically hijacked. If you hit rock bottom and survive you’ll realize it was an illusion.
Well I'm old and been this way most of my life lol I was SLIGHTLY exaggerating with that comment.

I'm not addicted to any one drug, just partying in general.. living a bit on the edge... wild experiences. But it all generally involves drugs. Whether it be LSD, molly, cocaine.. opioids.. I also spend a lot of time sober working hard as well.

There's definitely a lot going on, as far as what a psychologist would pick apart, i'm not unaware that I get high to forget how shitty life can be, awful childhood all that jazz.. but then again.. it works! lol
 
I had a long history with opioids. Most of 10 years. I’ll just tell you that shit like buprenorphine isn’t some get out of jail free card. Those don’t really exist. The only thing pharmaceuticals can offer is a safer replacement addiction. You’re going to have to stop looking for long term answers there.

I feel for your situation. Sometimes the shit we do as kids can haunt us as adults. This is one of those times. I’m not saying you didn’t need help with your ADD, but I think your life would be better had you continued to struggle with that instead of being prescribed stimulants.

Regardless, there is no answer for you that won’t involve temporary discomfort and sacrifice. Stop looking online for how long the withdrawals will last. At the beginning, the last thing you want to do is count the days since you last used. You need to keep looking forward at that point. Get active in recovery. At least go to meetings. If for no other reason than because it gives you something positive to do. It will be hard for a while and then easier. Go in with low expectations and keep a positive attitude as much as you can.

What you’re doing now is hell. The constant stress of counting pills and tracking days. The rollercoaster of ups and downs. The dread of knowing you’re about to run out and guaranteed suffering is only a few days away. No one who hasn’t been an addict will understand why you keep doing it. All I can tell you is you need to truly admit to yourself that it’s over and then be willing to do what it takes to end it for good.

You need to honestly evaluate whether the price you are paying doing drugs is worth what you’re getting out of it. I suspect you writing here means it isn’t. You’re fortunate that you don’t have a friend circle you’re buying drugs from. If you’re getting your script legit, you need to tell your doctor and he needs to set you up on a real taper strategy or, more likely since your already abusing your current script, cut you off completely. You need to take serious measures to ensure your success. There can’t be a backup plan for when things get too hard.
 
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0neAnd0nly

Gold Member
Sure, it's a crutch for a lot of people and like a crutch it helps them.

But ultimately it is based on a lie, and like most lies, there's a significant risk that it's going to backfire at some point.

And that phrases like 'thank God', 'Oh my God' and 'damn' are all commonly used is just an interesting fact of etymology and history. It does not imply belief in God at all and is only linked to it because religion used to be such a huge and integral part of societies. We don't live in the 16th century anymore though and really shouldn't aspire to.


Back to OP. There's some good advice here. You need to exercise your willpower and agency. Ultimately it's your life that's being damaged, but also you are the sole person who can do the most to change it. And it's you who has to change. Others can only help.

So what if the rehab doesn't have drugs to help you? At least there are people there who can help you and keep you away from the drugs you currently use. But there's no easy way out of this, so you might as well suffer through withdrawal with that help. And talk to the patients there; it might help. Maybe they'll inspire hope in you, whether it's because you see them do well, you see what they are and don't want to become that, or they have some good insights.

Based on what you perceive to be a lie*

Much like how you would say to a believer they can’t “prove” God’s existence, you also can’t disprove it.

To comment further on your original post, God doesn’t prohibit you acknowledging your success. It is ok to find joy in what you do, to feel as though your self did something well. To take credit (some) for your success and ultimately failures as well.

When Christians thank God, it is for helping empower them. I don’t thank God every single day without also acknowledging that I had a hand in my actions - both good and sinful. Free will is a thing to Christians, and the basis of the New Testament as a whole.

We make choices and enjoy the feeling of our success , and the lows of our failures. I think both of those things are heightened greatly though with God instead of without him.

I thank God for many blessings in my life, and I mean that. I also know that much of that time he doesn’t hand it to me on a silver platter. Sometimes I thank him for the wisdom, for the belief, for the miracle, for the drive, etc. That doesn’t mean that I don’t take agency for a part of the decision making either.

By the way I don’t mean this to be snarky at all. I fear in text sometimes serious conversations suffer because it is hard to express emotion though written word on a message board, or even intent of tone. Just wanted to comment, as a believer, to some of your comments.

Now, to the OP:

I can’t personally offer anything outside of a friendly e-olive branch, a sincere wish for your success and an actual prayer for you (I will legitimately pray for your success).

I can offer a take from a close friend and family member though. My best friend was a severe alcoholic, drug user, etc. he is now going on 10 years clean. It started with AA, and his girlfriend getting pregnant with his son. He cleaned up, and he was on multiple hard to kick drugs.

His group inspired him so much, that he actually travels for AA, gives speeches with them AND has started his own highly successful drug and teen counseling business to help with those that are in the shoes he once wore. He now dedicates his life to helping people kick drugs instead of selling and using them. Amazing turn around.

Sounds pretty awesome right? How good my friend did, how much he changed.

Guess what? One day, someone can say the same for you, when you find the way to defeat it! Someone will be that proud of your accomplishment that you know, they will use your story just as I used my friends to show how David can indeed defeat Goliath.

You can absolutely do this. It will suck, addictions are hard to kick. I have them too, they just happen to not be substance related.

Find a drive, a reason you want to quit that is above the timed enjoyment of being under the drugs influence and devote hard to succeeding in pleasing that item be it yourself or something else.

Please keep us updated on your journey. As I alluded, I will keep you in prayer. I am here to talk if you ever need to reach out to a virtual stranger.

Good luck on your journey. You can ABSOLUTELY do this.
 

kingwingin

Member
I tried Ritalin once and I felt like Bradley Cooper in limitless. Was tempted to try and get a prescription, but after reading this I'm glad I was too lazy to go through with it. I would have absolutely abused the shit out of it.
 

Northeastmonk

Gold Member
I was a second year senior in high school. I graduated when I was 19, which felt like winning the lottery. I had a stint when I was 16 and it ended when I was probably 19. I began smoking a lot of marijuana and that became such a habit for me. I would sell stuff, lie to my parents for money, buying bag after bag. I would sit there in my basement or someone’s place with water bongs, joints, and it was every day. I’d sit there and down half a bottle of Bacardi or whiskey, high as hell, and I’d smoke pot and cigarettes to come down. Not a huge deal if you consider how pot is pretty well managed by some people. I could not manage it. I was in-patient and out patient rehab, multiple psychologists, they prescribed me Adderal and Lithium. I’d just drink on those pills. I was only a teenager doing this. It lead me down the path to try harder stuff. I don’t talk about it because it feels like it was ages ago and I was at a very dark place in my life. My mom had left and my dad worked all the time. I was home alone most the day.

I ended up having to suffer through it. It took years of just suffering internally and using everything I had learned from AA and speaking to other people. I didn’t want it to be my future. You can get over addictions, but it takes a lot of suffering. You suffer when you admit there is a problem, you suffer from what you sacrificed for this high, and you suffer whenever you look at yourself in the mirror. Is it worth it suffering to see a new life unfold for you? Definitely. There is a new life waiting for you.

I don’t struggle with that feeling of wanting to use, but I’m always reminded that it’s there. That way I don’t look in that direction thinking that that’s a way out. I remember reciting the AA pledge with my dad every night before bed. That alone makes me stay on the path I chose. I made some very bad choices, but I worked my ass off to fix my mistakes. I ended up going to college and now I have two degrees. I only saw failure when I was suffering. I hope this gives you some insight. For as much as I’ve moved on in my life. The feeling of survival will always stay with me.
 
That's because you can't prove a negative.
Who fucking cares? This is thread about a guy trying to fix a life that is going to shit. We can spare the tired “God is/isn’t real” thread for another time. “A power greater than yourself” is a stand in for God in AA and can be whatever you choose it to be. It’s about getting out of your selfish desires and submitting to something more important than you. It’s a good thing and getting into some kind of atheist vs religion debate is completely idiotic under the circumstances.
 

Tams

Gold Member
Based on what you perceive to be a lie*

Much like how you would say to a believer they can’t “prove” God’s existence, you also can’t disprove it.

To comment further on your original post, God doesn’t prohibit you acknowledging your success. It is ok to find joy in what you do, to feel as though your self did something well. To take credit (some) for your success and ultimately failures as well.

When Christians thank God, it is for helping empower them. I don’t thank God every single day without also acknowledging that I had a hand in my actions - both good and sinful. Free will is a thing to Christians, and the basis of the New Testament as a whole.

We make choices and enjoy the feeling of our success , and the lows of our failures. I think both of those things are heightened greatly though with God instead of without him.

I thank God for many blessings in my life, and I mean that. I also know that much of that time he doesn’t hand it to me on a silver platter. Sometimes I thank him for the wisdom, for the belief, for the miracle, for the drive, etc. That doesn’t mean that I don’t take agency for a part of the decision making either.

By the way I don’t mean this to be snarky at all. I fear in text sometimes serious conversations suffer because it is hard to express emotion though written word on a message board, or even intent of tone. Just wanted to comment, as a believer, to some of your comments.

Now, to the OP:

I can’t personally offer anything outside of a friendly e-olive branch, a sincere wish for your success and an actual prayer for you (I will legitimately pray for your success).

I can offer a take from a close friend and family member though. My best friend was a severe alcoholic, drug user, etc. he is now going on 10 years clean. It started with AA, and his girlfriend getting pregnant with his son. He cleaned up, and he was on multiple hard to kick drugs.

His group inspired him so much, that he actually travels for AA, gives speeches with them AND has started his own highly successful drug and teen counseling business to help with those that are in the shoes he once wore. He now dedicates his life to helping people kick drugs instead of selling and using them. Amazing turn around.

Sounds pretty awesome right? How good my friend did, how much he changed.

Guess what? One day, someone can say the same for you, when you find the way to defeat it! Someone will be that proud of your accomplishment that you know, they will use your story just as I used my friends to show how David can indeed defeat Goliath.

You can absolutely do this. It will suck, addictions are hard to kick. I have them too, they just happen to not be substance related.

Find a drive, a reason you want to quit that is above the timed enjoyment of being under the drugs influence and devote hard to succeeding in pleasing that item be it yourself or something else.

Please keep us updated on your journey. As I alluded, I will keep you in prayer. I am here to talk if you ever need to reach out to a virtual stranger.

Good luck on your journey. You can ABSOLUTELY do this.
The best evidence that there is no God/are no gods or that if they are they aren't worth even thinking about is that there is the immense amount of suffering in the world.

Go tell a child in Africa that's having their eye eaten by a worm that 'God will save them'. No, God won't as God doesn't exist. And to attribute the work of the doctor who might to God is grossly insulting to the doctor.
 

Nobody_Important

“Aww, it’s so...average,” she said to him in a cold brick of passion
I have issues with alcohol Dai Kaiju Dai Kaiju . It is not to the point where I am out of control, but I am sane enough still to see where I am headed if I am not careful. You just have to be strong and think of what matters. My thing is that I call my grandparents every other night around the time I would normally drink. I chat to my papa (yeah he is papa to me) and my nanny (yeah she is nanny to me). I bullshit with them about their days and tell them about mine. I use that as a bit of a guide and a reminder. How sad they would be if they knew I was struggling. A reason why I shouldn't just dive into the bottle. I talk with them for an hour or so and then I immediately distract myself with books or friends.



The thing about addiction is that you don't have to fight it alone and you don't even have to tell anyone you are fighting it. Just use social outlets as a distraction. You don't need to tell them everything to get use out of their company. And then come bedtime I just down some sleep aids and I go to bed. Wash rinse repeat. It's not perfect, but my liver and my bank account thanks me every day.
 
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You obviously do, by the keyboard mashing you just posted...
What I care about is the dude trying to get his life out of the toilet while you try to win internet atheist points by being a douche bag. So kindly go fuck yourself.
 
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p_xavier

Authorized Fister
I finally found out my recipe to stay sober. Been a week now. GABA supplement in the morning, L-Glutamine at 4pm. That will normalize your brain chemicals, than at 6pm I take a 200mg L-Theanine supplement every hour until I feel sleepy enough to get to bed. I stop the L-Theanine on the weekend because your brain gets used to it. All of these supplements are supposed to be healthy.
 
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