• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Anybody else struggle with an addiction so severe that they don't see a way out? (long)

anthony2690

Member
Oh wow, I guess I don't realise how addiction can be, it sounds really rough, good luck to everyone going through addiction, I hope to guys can beat it!

I use to be more off a social drug user/drinker (ketamine, cocaine, weed, ectasy)

I had a really bad experience one night, where I had a headache for near two weeks and delayed reactions.

After that I never touched drugs again. (been a good 10 years now & I stopped drinking alcohol about 5 years ago)

Definitely feel much better in myself, I only drink bottled water now.
 

Amiga

Member
“Binging” - somewhat synonymous with addiction. I don’t think the best advice is to supplement one addiction or addictive behavior for another. I’m not qualified to answer OP outright as I have some of my own issues, but the answer usually targets balance, not binging.
Media are not alien chemical substances. Balancing is the best path but binging is a lesser evil.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Yes:

I can safely say, that drug choice is matter of how your physiology works. I tried alcohol again, to test it and it was super meh, never would have drink with liver I have now. Which makes it really hard to quit. I haven't drunk in almost 3 years now, I don't miss it, I don't have a trauma from not drinking and etc. I like weed, I hated it before... you get the idea.

Yes to Ativan. 12 years on it now and my life is a living hell every moment of every day.
My condolences, Benzos are the worst. They are even mentioned in my story...
 
Last edited:

Sosokrates

Gold Member
Preface:
It started when I was 14 and about to flunk out of my freshman year of high school. I was freaking out because my first quarter GPA was a 1.2 and, while I wasn't sure what my parents' reaction would be once they found out, I knew it wasn't going to be good. So, I'm like "I gotta think of something so they don't end me" and I came up with a scheme to soften the blow. I told them I thought I might have ADD. I didn't really do any research on it and certainly didn't think I had it. I just thought I was lazy and so did everyone else.
The plan was a success. They couldn't chew me up and spit me out in good conscience with the possibility of it not being my fault They took my to a doctor to get evaluated. I did a few hours worth of testing and interviews, and soon enough I had a prescription for ritalin. While it isn't difficult to get diagnosed with ADD, I discovered I was a textbook case of inattentive type ADD. The quiet day dreamer. Always laser focused on the teacher to fool them into think I was absorbed in their lesson while my mind was always a million miles away.

Within 20 minutes of taking the first pill, I felt as if I were the recipient of a successful brain transplant. I couldn't believe it. The reason I didn't bother studying before the medicine was that it was an exercise in futility. I would read the same page over and over AND OVER and every time I would realize I had no idea what I had just read. I couldn't absorb information. Fun fact: When someone has ADD, activity in the prefrontal cortex actually drops that harder they try to focus on something. Anyway, I could finally pay attention in class and focus on homework. That 1st quarter GPA of 1.2 went up to a 2.8 for the second quarter. I figured, it can only get better from here, right?

Here's the problem. It makes you feel pretty darn good when you take it and pretty darn awful when it wears off. I quickly discovered that if I took another one, it made the awful feeling go away. That it is, until it wears off again. That's where my struggle begun.

I've been on almost every ADD medication at one point over the last 20 years. I'm currently prescribed one 50 mg pill of Mydayis. It's the maximum medically allowed dose and I need to take 2 of them just to not feel like I want to die. That means I go through 4 week supply in 2 weeks and, since pharmacies keep a watchful eye on controlled substances, there's nothing I can do for the remaining 2 weeks aside from suffer in my bed. Amphetamine withdrawal is torture and I go through it for 2 weeks EVERY FREAKING MONTH.

A year ago I told myself "I can't live like this anymore" and check myself into rehab. I was curious as to what they were going to give me to ease my withdrawal symptoms. Heroin has suboxone, alcohol has lorazepam etc. I finally meet with the doctor and he tells me there's no medical protocol for treating amphetamine addiction. I discover my options are to suffer away from home with a bunch of stranger who scare me or suffer at home with my family so I checked myself out shortly after talking with him. Next thing I tried was an addiction specialist. She actually tried treating it with a couple different medications. They didn't work. She gave up on me.

I've read that severity of withdrawal depends on how much you've been abusing and for how long....and I've been abusing a whole lot for a very long time. I've also read that it can take up to a year of cessation before noticing any improvement. I literally have no idea what to do. I believe in God and that He capable of healing addictions. I've seen plenty of testimonies on the subject and I have no reason to doubt their validity. Unfortunately for me, God works on His own time despite me trying to rush Him.

Anybody, going through something similar or have any success stories?

Have you tried reducing the dose? Cut the 50mg in half and take 25mg 2x a day?
 

-Minsc-

Member
I have no solid answers for you Dai. The best starting point I can give is to work toward taking your medication as prescribed.
 

akimbo009

Gold Member
I drink too much too often. It's on the border of impacting my world negatively, but just enough under the surface that I can still pretend it's not a problem. I know I'll come crashing down eventually, and it sucks.

Clearly, I have no answer, so I wish you luck - and plenty open to learn what works and what didn't for that eventual future where I'll need it.
 

PanzerAzel

Member
Sorry OP, that certainly sucks.

Though I have to wonder how torturous those two weeks really are if you have no trouble enduring them every month. My only advice would be to get clean completely, and to do so only when you’ve hit your point of intolerance, which it doesn’t sound like you’ve reached yet.

I would also recommend to do so with others. I detoxed off of 180mg daily of OxyContin many years ago, and misery loves company…..it was much easier for me to endure it seeing everyone else in hell also, and withdrawal was a living fucking hell. So much so that the thought of getting back on Oxy simply wasn’t an option.

Best of luck.
 
After reading your post, I now think I may have the same ADHD you have (ADD isn’t a thing).

As for your addiction. That’s rough. I hope you get through it OP.
 

Dai Kaiju

Member
Just an update here. I've been clean from the pills for 100 days now. I had over 20 people fasting and praying for me around the world and my desire to take the pills miraculously vanished one day. All the literature i've read on the subject said the cravings would last for the rest of my life even after the physical and psychological withdrawal went away. They were so intense I was once willing to spend $30 on a single pill that would last 4 hours. Granted, I still don't feel very good as my brain is rewiring itself to function without amphetamines after 20 years of dependence...but stopping for good is no longer an insurmountable feat.

I know that GAF is mostly atheist. I've been there too and I know how dumb it sounds if you haven't experienced anything supernatural. I have to give credit where it's due though. God is real and prayer works. Here's hoping some of you find out for yourselves one day.
 

Tams

Gold Member
Just an update here. I've been clean from the pills for 100 days now. I had over 20 people fasting and praying for me around the world and my desire to take the pills miraculously vanished one day. All the literature i've read on the subject said the cravings would last for the rest of my life even after the physical and psychological withdrawal went away. They were so intense I was once willing to spend $30 on a single pill that would last 4 hours. Granted, I still don't feel very good as my brain is rewiring itself to function without amphetamines after 20 years of dependence...but stopping for good is no longer an insurmountable feat.

I know that GAF is mostly atheist. I've been there too and I know how dumb it sounds if you haven't experienced anything supernatural. I have to give credit where it's due though. God is real and prayer works. Here's hoping some of you find out for yourselves one day.
Mate, it wasn't God. God simply does not exist. You just had wrong information. It sounds like a completely normal withdrawal period.

But if it brings you comfort, whatever. Just don't go wasting too much money on religion.
 

FunkMiller

Gold Member
Just an update here. I've been clean from the pills for 100 days now. I had over 20 people fasting and praying for me around the world and my desire to take the pills miraculously vanished one day. All the literature i've read on the subject said the cravings would last for the rest of my life even after the physical and psychological withdrawal went away. They were so intense I was once willing to spend $30 on a single pill that would last 4 hours. Granted, I still don't feel very good as my brain is rewiring itself to function without amphetamines after 20 years of dependence...but stopping for good is no longer an insurmountable feat.

I know that GAF is mostly atheist. I've been there too and I know how dumb it sounds if you haven't experienced anything supernatural. I have to give credit where it's due though. God is real and prayer works. Here's hoping some of you find out for yourselves one day.

Why detract from your own personal achievement by convincing yourself an outside influence helped you?

It didn't. It doesn't exist.

It all came from within you. Your strength. YOU.

Not some god invented by people to stop themselves feeling less scared about death and the vagaries of the universe.

YOU.

Be proud of what you've accomplished. On your own. No outside influence, other than the care and support of the people around you.

You put yourself in a hole, and YOU dragged yourself back out of it again.

You've done something that so many others don't. And long may it last.
 
Last edited:

Wildebeest

Member
I used to be a secular humanist, in that I would judge religion by its fruits rather than by its words. Now I am different in that I judge people by what they intend to happen because consequences are unpredictable and recorded inconsistently. And anyway, people who obsessively work towards one goal without any sense of what they are indenting to achieve lead to bad things happening. So if a religious person was working towards the biblical apocalypse with no thought out intention for why it was a good thing I would be appalled, but if they intend to help someone get off the pills I approve, as long as they were doing it in good faith, even if they failed.
 

John Bilbo

Member
Congrats man 💪 that's no easy feat!

Robert Redford Nod GIF
 

FunkMiller

Gold Member
wtf guys this isnt the time to tell him you think gods not real.

congrats OP. dont forget to give yourself some credit too. glad to hear you had so much support but even with all of that there is still an obligation for you to act, and you did. keep it going, youre doing great

Yeah, you’re probably right "lollipop_disappointed:

I just want the dude to be proud of his achievement, because he deserves to feel that. Self worth and esteem is so important when these things happen.
 

Tams

Gold Member
wtf guys this isnt the time to tell him you think gods not real.

congrats OP. dont forget to give yourself some credit too. glad to hear you had so much support but even with all of that there is still an obligation for you to act, and you did. keep it going, youre doing great
He wrote a long arse paragraph about it. It's fair game.

Could have just wrote that he got through it and slipped a mention of God in there, but nooooo. So I'll take the bait.
 

Jayjayhd34

Gold Member
Yes was addited spice (synthetic cannabinoids ) and pretty everything else. after my last section two years ago I've been clean of all drugs. It's not been easy journey for sure buts defferently been worth it. Been clean for two years and few months now saved so much money and can't wait till september or whenever rtx 4 series comes out so I can finally spend some of it on my new pc.
 

IFireflyl

Member
He wrote a long arse paragraph about it. It's fair game.

Could have just wrote that he got through it and slipped a mention of God in there, but nooooo. So I'll take the bait.

He wrote about what is helping him and you're trying to piss all over one aspect of what helps him. What kind of a horrible person does that? Either support the OP or get out. Supporting the OP doesn't mean you have to believe in God or in any religion. You can support the scientific side and ignore the religious/spiritual side.

Dai Kaiju Dai Kaiju , I am super proud of you man, and I'm praying for you. It's really encouraging to see you triumph over this stronghold in your life, and doubly so to see you doing it with humility. I hope you keep providing us with updates every so often.

P.S. If you haven't heard of or looked into it, you might check out Celebrate Recovery.

https://www.celebraterecovery.com/

My church has a Celebrate Recovery program every Thursday, and it has had a lot of positive feedback.
 
Last edited:
OP,

Have you considered looking into psychedelic therapy for addiction? There have been some remarkable results. Something like 80% recovery rate.


@IFireflyI great post. There is a time and place for everything.
 
Last edited:

DKehoe

Member
Congrats Dai Kaiju Dai Kaiju That’s no easy feat. I know you said you’ve had help and that’s great but you should also be proud of yourself. Keep on that road to recovery and remember you can always talk to us.
 

BigBooper

Gold Member
Mate, it wasn't God. God simply does not exist. You just had wrong information. It sounds like a completely normal withdrawal period.

But if it brings you comfort, whatever. Just don't go wasting too much money on religion.
Weren't you complaining about proselytizing in the other thread?

Whatever. Good on ya Dai Kaiju Dai Kaiju . Hope it lasts and you can eventually just look back on the past as a short time mistake to not repeat.(y)
 
Last edited:

TheInfamousKira

Reseterror Resettler
He wrote a long arse paragraph about it. It's fair game.

Could have just wrote that he got through it and slipped a mention of God in there, but nooooo. So I'll take the bait.

I know this is like...the cool, enlightened take to have from anyone who's old enough to pop a Marilyn Manson album on, but like...

Atheists are so obnoxiously insular and self concerned that they completely lack self awareness. Like for however long you've been angrily asserting THERE NO GOD LOL like some kind of precocious little champ, has it occurred to you that there are men and women with far more life experience and intelligence than both of us combined that have devoted their entire lives to the study of these concepts and scriptures? That people have literally died for this shit? For the record, I'm an agnostic, but this butting into the conversation shit drives me up a wall. I heard a saying before, I'll paraphrase: "You wouldn't be so concerned about something you truly didn't believe in,"

Also, ffs dude, it's a thread about a dude's recovery (which I am ecstatic about, btw. Slow and steady, GAF supports you!)
 
Fantastic update I'm Christian so people would say biased, but I have someone who is Atheist I talk to alot online and I'm pretty sure either one of us would just wish the other person well with no need to talk about the others beliefs negatively.
 
Last edited:

AMistOfFleas

Neo Member
Nope, even when I was using drugs in my early years I always knew it was up to me to stop. I guess it's how I stopped smoking cigs later on in life, you reach a point in life (late30s/early40s)where you ask yourself if its really worth it, you analyze the time you have left on this earth and for me I stopped doing drugs because of it, especially after having a kid, you know you dont have much time left on this earth so you try to extend it anyway you can. It's always hard in the beginning, but once you get over being angry which took a few weeks for me, I was over it. I will never go back to smoking cigs because it will give me ASTHMA. Looking back I can't believe I made it and I don't take it for granted anymore, life is too short, there's so much better stuff to do. Good luck.
 
Last edited:

IntentionalPun

Ask me about my wife's perfect butthole
Just an update here. I've been clean from the pills for 100 days now. I had over 20 people fasting and praying for me around the world and my desire to take the pills miraculously vanished one day. All the literature i've read on the subject said the cravings would last for the rest of my life even after the physical and psychological withdrawal went away. They were so intense I was once willing to spend $30 on a single pill that would last 4 hours. Granted, I still don't feel very good as my brain is rewiring itself to function without amphetamines after 20 years of dependence...but stopping for good is no longer an insurmountable feat.

I know that GAF is mostly atheist. I've been there too and I know how dumb it sounds if you haven't experienced anything supernatural. I have to give credit where it's due though. God is real and prayer works. Here's hoping some of you find out for yourselves one day.
Awesome update man.

I'm atheist but dont think the power of prayer is some impossibility myself. I think humans have energies we don't understand, and I think we can change the world at least a little bit by sending out thoughts to people.
 

Winter John

Member
Just an update here. I've been clean from the pills for 100 days now. I had over 20 people fasting and praying for me around the world and my desire to take the pills miraculously vanished one day. All the literature i've read on the subject said the cravings would last for the rest of my life even after the physical and psychological withdrawal went away. They were so intense I was once willing to spend $30 on a single pill that would last 4 hours. Granted, I still don't feel very good as my brain is rewiring itself to function without amphetamines after 20 years of dependence...but stopping for good is no longer an insurmountable feat.

I know that GAF is mostly atheist. I've been there too and I know how dumb it sounds if you haven't experienced anything supernatural. I have to give credit where it's due though. God is real and prayer works. Here's hoping some of you find out for yourselves one day.

Good for you man. Use whatever gets you through. The thing about cravings is they go away but they can come out of nowhere and surprise you even years later. I've had a couple of close calls when the urge to get high has been almost overwhelming. I don't go to the meetings anymore but I keep my old sponsor's card handy just in case.
 
I catch myself looking at women's asses all the time and then In my mind I give them a grade out of 10. I thought there was something wrong with me until I found some other guys do the same. Though not sure if they give grades too.
 

Amiga

Member
I know that GAF is mostly atheist. I've been there too and I know how dumb it sounds if you haven't experienced anything supernatural. I have to give credit where it's due though. God is real and prayer works. Here's hoping some of you find out for yourselves one day.

I don't know about "mostly", it may seem that way because faith triggers those who gave up on their souls. And get outraged when others don't give up as they did. getting constantly trolled by them in this lifetime is part of the journey. like Orpheus resisting the distractions through Hades. it's a long road still full of pearls that test your mind, heart and body to very last moment.
 

Tams

Gold Member
I don't know about "mostly", it may seem that way because faith triggers those who gave up on their souls. And get outraged when others don't give up as they did. getting constantly trolled by them in this lifetime is part of the journey. like Orpheus resisting the distractions through Hades. it's a long road still full of pearls that test your mind, heart and body to very last moment.
Bit rich complaining about others and then to espouse your own beliefs there.

But hey, damn me to hell as much as you want.

Anyway, I am glad that OP go over their addiction. It takes a lot of will and perseverance. And they shouldn't denigrate themselves over that.
 

Amiga

Member
Bit rich complaining about others and then to espouse your own beliefs there.

But hey, damn me to hell as much as you want.

Anyway, I am glad that OP go over their addiction. It takes a lot of will and perseverance. And they shouldn't denigrate themselves over that.

specifically mentioned those who troll people who express faith.
didn't "damn" you or claim salvation for myself. all these can shift for us all. judgment is after the conclusion of life. don't let narrow assumptions or false representations close your paths.
 

Bobnob

Member
Addiction doesn't go away ever. It's about directing your addict nature.
It can be a good thing👍
 
Last edited:

adamosmaki

Member
Best of luck mate. Been a stupid f***k when i was younger i started smoking alot despite having mild asthma . After 10 years of smoking pretty much anything you can think of i ended up in the hospital one day with difficulty breathing and stayed 3 days in the hospital. Quit smoking for 7 years and started again . Same think nearly stopped breathing one day and i quit smoking for the 2nd time and hopefully this time for good ( been 2 years now )
 

Zelphyr

Gold Member
I'm in that case, I manage to stay sober for a few days then go back to alcohol and drugs. My body had enough and it its literally killing me but nothing is working to heal my anxiety. I'm highly functionnal which surprises people.
I don't want to scare you or change your behavior but this is what you may be looking forward to.

I was a functioning alcoholic for over 19 years from 1999 to 2018.

My routine was simple & robotic, I always skipped supper and drank 12 beers. Never drank at work, never made an ass of myself but fell asleep shitfaced around 9 PM. Wake up at 6 AM for work not fully rested but who cares.

Early march 2018 I showed up at work with yellow eyes, sent to hospital and eventually diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver.

2 times they drained 6 litres of liquid from my stomach. I usually weight 190 pounds but one morning my weight was 235 with my belly rock hard looking like an 8 month pregnant woman.

My legs were red, puffed up and constantly sweating liquid.

I was offered to go to rehab and jumped at the chance as this was my true Rock Bottom and I was ready. This sounds cheesy but I was ready to love myself again. Stop sabotaging myself.

Upon my successful return from rehab I had not taken a shit in 5 days so they did a colonoscopy and discovered a nasty tumor in my colon.

A week later my surgeon saved my life at the cost of removing my whole colon and 12 sessions of chemo to erase the lesions on my liver.

I have a stoma with a poop bag which I've now mastered like a pro. The first couple of months were trial & error as I trashed a couple of pairs of underwear & jeans that were too soiled to keep.

I've rambled on too much but what I'm saying is that YOU ARE WORTH IT and you are loved.

We want you here with us for many years to come 😀
 

Catphish

Gold Member
Yeah, you’re probably right "lollipop_disappointed:

I just want the dude to be proud of his achievement, because he deserves to feel that. Self worth and esteem is so important when these things happen.
Not to belabor the point, but turning oneself over to their Higher Power is the cornerstone of every 12-step program out there. Knowing you are powerless to your addiction and therefore must give yourself over to your HP is fundamental.

If God, Buddha, or The Universe™ is what gets you through, then it is. It's not a deficiency.

Edit: Nice work on your sobriety, Dai Kaiju Dai Kaiju . One day at a time.

(aimed that at the wrong person before. Sorry.)
 
Last edited:

p_xavier

Authorized Fister
I don't want to scare you or change your behavior but this is what you may be looking forward to.

I was a functioning alcoholic for over 19 years from 1999 to 2018.

My routine was simple & robotic, I always skipped supper and drank 12 beers. Never drank at work, never made an ass of myself but fell asleep shitfaced around 9 PM. Wake up at 6 AM for work not fully rested but who cares.

Early march 2018 I showed up at work with yellow eyes, sent to hospital and eventually diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver.

2 times they drained 6 litres of liquid from my stomach. I usually weight 190 pounds but one morning my weight was 235 with my belly rock hard looking like an 8 month pregnant woman.

My legs were red, puffed up and constantly sweating liquid.

I was offered to go to rehab and jumped at the chance as this was my true Rock Bottom and I was ready. This sounds cheesy but I was ready to love myself again. Stop sabotaging myself.

Upon my successful return from rehab I had not taken a shit in 5 days so they did a colonoscopy and discovered a nasty tumor in my colon.

A week later my surgeon saved my life at the cost of removing my whole colon and 12 sessions of chemo to erase the lesions on my liver.

I have a stoma with a poop bag which I've now mastered like a pro. The first couple of months were trial & error as I trashed a couple of pairs of underwear & jeans that were too soiled to keep.

I've rambled on too much but what I'm saying is that YOU ARE WORTH IT and you are loved.

We want you here with us for many years to come 😀
I promised myself to be my last day binge drinking. I was actually useless at my office today. I need help and hopefully I'lll get better from here.
 
Last edited:

Zelphyr

Gold Member
When you quit drinking the results are fast and really cool. Within 2 or 3 days food tastes better and your mind actually thinks clearly. That permanent fog is removed.

There's no shame in getting outside help because otherwise you will die.

Your move.
 

Dai Kaiju

Member
Thanks so much everyone! A couple of people have said I'm taking away from my own achievement by giving credit to God. My stubborn arse has been trying to quit this stuff for a loooong time and I basically gave up on doing it without some some sort of miracle and I got one. When you have a physical addiction, you're desire to take more doesn't magically go away one day without some sort of divine intervention. Shake your head of you must. I know who helped me.
 

FunkMiller

Gold Member
Not to belabor the point, but turning oneself over to their Higher Power is the cornerstone of every 12-step program out there. Knowing you are powerless to your addiction and therefore must give yourself over to your HP is fundamental.

If God, Buddha, or The Universe™ is what gets you through, then it is. It's not a deficiency.

Edit: Nice work on your sobriety, Firefly. One day at a time.

I guess the point I was trying to make is that given that there is no higher power, the person is always the one responsible for kicking the addiction, whether they think they are or not. I just wish they could see that and be proud of themselves. But, I also get your point… belief in something can be a powerful motivator.
 

IFireflyl

Member
I guess the point I was trying to make is that given that there is no higher power...

This is an unprovable claim. If the universe was created by God then that means that God exists outside of our universe. This means that you can never find God inside of this universe other than the times that He chooses to reveal Himself. If God exists it means that every scientific law and theory was created by Him, and you're not going to be able to use science to disprove God. Feel free to believe that God doesn't exist, but you have to see that it takes just as much faith to hold onto that belief as it does to believe that God exists. Either way you're believing something that cannot be scientifically proven or disproven.
 
Last edited:

FunkMiller

Gold Member
This is an unprovable claim. If the universe was created by God then that means that God exists outside of our universe. This means that you can never find God inside of this universe other than the times that He chooses to reveal Himself. If God exists it means that every scientific law and theory was created by Him, and you're not going to be able to use science to disprove God. Feel free to believe that God doesn't exist, but you have to see that it takes just as much faith to hold onto that belief as it does to believe that God exists. Either way you're believing something that cannot be scientifically proven or disproven.

Counter: there's no more evidence to suggest the existence of god than there is the easter bunny. I need no faith to know he/she/it doesn't exist.

However... this is not the right place to get into this stuff. I've made my point, and I'm not going to labour it, as it takes away from the OP's achievement (regardless of how he accomplished it).
 
Top Bottom