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Anybody else struggle with an addiction so severe that they don't see a way out? (long)

anthony2690

Member
Oh wow, I guess I don't realise how addiction can be, it sounds really rough, good luck to everyone going through addiction, I hope to guys can beat it!

I use to be more off a social drug user/drinker (ketamine, cocaine, weed, ectasy)

I had a really bad experience one night, where I had a headache for near two weeks and delayed reactions.

After that I never touched drugs again. (been a good 10 years now & I stopped drinking alcohol about 5 years ago)

Definitely feel much better in myself, I only drink bottled water now.
 

Amiga

Member
“Binging” - somewhat synonymous with addiction. I don’t think the best advice is to supplement one addiction or addictive behavior for another. I’m not qualified to answer OP outright as I have some of my own issues, but the answer usually targets balance, not binging.
Media are not alien chemical substances. Balancing is the best path but binging is a lesser evil.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Yes:

I can safely say, that drug choice is matter of how your physiology works. I tried alcohol again, to test it and it was super meh, never would have drink with liver I have now. Which makes it really hard to quit. I haven't drunk in almost 3 years now, I don't miss it, I don't have a trauma from not drinking and etc. I like weed, I hated it before... you get the idea.

Yes to Ativan. 12 years on it now and my life is a living hell every moment of every day.
My condolences, Benzos are the worst. They are even mentioned in my story...
 
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Sosokrates

Founder of western console warring.
Preface:
It started when I was 14 and about to flunk out of my freshman year of high school. I was freaking out because my first quarter GPA was a 1.2 and, while I wasn't sure what my parents' reaction would be once they found out, I knew it wasn't going to be good. So, I'm like "I gotta think of something so they don't end me" and I came up with a scheme to soften the blow. I told them I thought I might have ADD. I didn't really do any research on it and certainly didn't think I had it. I just thought I was lazy and so did everyone else.
The plan was a success. They couldn't chew me up and spit me out in good conscience with the possibility of it not being my fault They took my to a doctor to get evaluated. I did a few hours worth of testing and interviews, and soon enough I had a prescription for ritalin. While it isn't difficult to get diagnosed with ADD, I discovered I was a textbook case of inattentive type ADD. The quiet day dreamer. Always laser focused on the teacher to fool them into think I was absorbed in their lesson while my mind was always a million miles away.

Within 20 minutes of taking the first pill, I felt as if I were the recipient of a successful brain transplant. I couldn't believe it. The reason I didn't bother studying before the medicine was that it was an exercise in futility. I would read the same page over and over AND OVER and every time I would realize I had no idea what I had just read. I couldn't absorb information. Fun fact: When someone has ADD, activity in the prefrontal cortex actually drops that harder they try to focus on something. Anyway, I could finally pay attention in class and focus on homework. That 1st quarter GPA of 1.2 went up to a 2.8 for the second quarter. I figured, it can only get better from here, right?

Here's the problem. It makes you feel pretty darn good when you take it and pretty darn awful when it wears off. I quickly discovered that if I took another one, it made the awful feeling go away. That it is, until it wears off again. That's where my struggle begun.

I've been on almost every ADD medication at one point over the last 20 years. I'm currently prescribed one 50 mg pill of Mydayis. It's the maximum medically allowed dose and I need to take 2 of them just to not feel like I want to die. That means I go through 4 week supply in 2 weeks and, since pharmacies keep a watchful eye on controlled substances, there's nothing I can do for the remaining 2 weeks aside from suffer in my bed. Amphetamine withdrawal is torture and I go through it for 2 weeks EVERY FREAKING MONTH.

A year ago I told myself "I can't live like this anymore" and check myself into rehab. I was curious as to what they were going to give me to ease my withdrawal symptoms. Heroin has suboxone, alcohol has lorazepam etc. I finally meet with the doctor and he tells me there's no medical protocol for treating amphetamine addiction. I discover my options are to suffer away from home with a bunch of stranger who scare me or suffer at home with my family so I checked myself out shortly after talking with him. Next thing I tried was an addiction specialist. She actually tried treating it with a couple different medications. They didn't work. She gave up on me.

I've read that severity of withdrawal depends on how much you've been abusing and for how long....and I've been abusing a whole lot for a very long time. I've also read that it can take up to a year of cessation before noticing any improvement. I literally have no idea what to do. I believe in God and that He capable of healing addictions. I've seen plenty of testimonies on the subject and I have no reason to doubt their validity. Unfortunately for me, God works on His own time despite me trying to rush Him.

Anybody, going through something similar or have any success stories?

Have you tried reducing the dose? Cut the 50mg in half and take 25mg 2x a day?
 

-Minsc-

Member
I have no solid answers for you Dai. The best starting point I can give is to work toward taking your medication as prescribed.
 

akimbo009

Gold Member
I drink too much too often. It's on the border of impacting my world negatively, but just enough under the surface that I can still pretend it's not a problem. I know I'll come crashing down eventually, and it sucks.

Clearly, I have no answer, so I wish you luck - and plenty open to learn what works and what didn't for that eventual future where I'll need it.
 

PanzerAzel

Member
Sorry OP, that certainly sucks.

Though I have to wonder how torturous those two weeks really are if you have no trouble enduring them every month. My only advice would be to get clean completely, and to do so only when you’ve hit your point of intolerance, which it doesn’t sound like you’ve reached yet.

I would also recommend to do so with others. I detoxed off of 180mg daily of OxyContin many years ago, and misery loves company…..it was much easier for me to endure it seeing everyone else in hell also, and withdrawal was a living fucking hell. So much so that the thought of getting back on Oxy simply wasn’t an option.

Best of luck.
 
After reading your post, I now think I may have the same ADHD you have (ADD isn’t a thing).

As for your addiction. That’s rough. I hope you get through it OP.
 
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