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Anyone else just going through the motions of life lately?

CrankyJay™

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I’m not sure if it’s a mid life crisis thing or a COVID thing but lately I just feel like I’m on autopilot. I don’t really look forward to anything, put in my time at work and help out with the kids and such, and just check out on the phone or playing video games.

In the middle of 2020 I had actually adjusted to covid and the shutdowns quite well. I took up walking, then weightlifting and eating super clean. Basically I dropped 15-20 pounds and life was good.

In April after my second covid shot I developed swallowing issue. Basically I couldn’t initiate a swallow of food for certain textures. I was dropping weight rapidly. I finally went to the ER and had some tests done. They didn’t find much and said I had GERD and sent me on my way.

Gradually my swallowing got better but certain textures I just wouldn’t bother attempting to swallow for fear of choking to death.

I ended up getting an endoscopy in early June. Apparently my esophagus had narrowed so they dilated it to stretch it out. Some biopsies were taken. I got a call a day or two later letting me know I tested positive for something called EoE (eosinophillic esophagitis). Basically, it means there a proliferated of white blood cells in my esophagus that causes inflammation.

Most cases are because of food allergies, and some are environmental. Another cause could be acid reflux but I’ve never really experienced frequent heartburn or your typical symptoms of GERD. I suppose it could have been silent reflux.

Anyway. I was out on a PPI like omeprazole to reduce acid and an asthma inhaler called Flovent which I swallow instead of inhaling. My swallowing is basically back to normal. A few months ago I never thought I would eat steak or chicken wings ever again.

The point is, I guess once you lose the ability to swallow confidently and then regain it, you tend to keep eating. I’ve put back on all the weight I lost during COVID and probably then some.

On top of that, in July I switched jobs from one programming gig to another. Both positions were remote. So basically I’m home all the time while the wife is at work and the kids are at school.

I don’t know the point in saying any of this. I just feel like I lost a part of me with this “illness” and haven’t been able to find my way back to being myself.

It could be that I have some mild depression or something, but everything else in my life is fine. My wife and kids are awesome. I just want to be awesome again.

So enough about me. Is anyone else here feeling similar? Has the world shutting down basically worn you down?
 

Mossybrew

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The point is, I guess once you lose the ability to swallow confidently and then regain it, you tend to keep eating. I’ve put back on all the weight I lost during COVID and probably then some.

Ah, yes, similar situation for me. Since last Winter my Crohn's Disease had a major flare. Could not eat a lot of stuff, lost weight, culminating in surgery this past April. I was down to like 160 pounds, which is super low for me. Over a week in the hospital, it's humbling, you realize in a very tangible way that you're just a meat system that can go wrong like anyone else. Depressing for sure, also knowing this disease will cause me more problems in future. Then a couple months after surgery I feel great, I can eat and drink anything, and yeah now my gut is definitely back, I haven't weighed myself lately but I'm at least up to 185 is my guess. So I hear ya here.

Other than that, going through the motions is a large chunk of my life, mainly at work. Ennui is a beast. But I do what needs to be done to support my kids and keep myself entertained during offwork hours.
 
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p_xavier

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I live alone, don't have many friends, have a great job, a great life and everything, but it always seems that I'm watching a movie of someone else's life. I restarted my life from scratch so many times that it doesn't feel like me anymore. It just sucks with COVID because it feels like Groundhog day. Same routine every damn day. The thing is I always felt like this and even with anti-anxiety pills or anti-depression pills, I still feel like shit but with 40lbs of weight gain.

I actually have the same esophagus issue as you and can't swallow properly and am on the same PPI. The inflammation is massive due to much alcohol consumption over the years. Tonight is the first night in months that I haven't been drinking, I pretty much destroyed my gut so I finally decided it's time for a break as it's getting too tough on my body. Alcohol was the only thing that kept my days fun so I don't know what to do.
 
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Vagswarm

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I found that life has its ups and downs, just as you are experiencing. The good thing is when you realize that things used to be better (or worse). That's a pretty strong motivator to get things back into gear. I think we need the down's to rejuvenate though... I was on one for quite some time, and it felt like I needed to be lazy and do nothing for a few years, lol. But now that I've been eating right and losing weight and socializing more, it feels like I need to get out there again. And then like you said, it just feels like things aren't the way they should be. Sounds like you are in a similar position of looking at change, which is great.

It's funny you mention GERD, because I went through something very similar. I'm still on esomeprazole (works better than omeprazole, for me) and went to the ER at one point because of unusual chest pains. All happened this year as well, just like you.

*I also found that life throws a lot of bad sh*t at you in a short amount of time. Especially when things are going great. lol
 
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CrankyJay™

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I found that life has its ups and downs, just as you are experiencing. The good thing is when you realize that things used to be better (or worse). That's a pretty strong motivator to get things back into gear. I think we need the down's to rejuvenate though... I was on one for quite some time, and it felt like I needed to be lazy and do nothing for a few years, lol. But now that I've been eating right and losing weight and socializing more, it feels like I need to get out there again. And then like you said, it just feels like things aren't the way they should be. Sounds like you are in a similar position of looking at change, which is great.

It's funny you mention GERD, because I went through something very similar. I'm still on esomeprazole (works better than omeprazole, for me) and went to the ER at one point because of unusual chest pains. All happened this year as well, just like you.

*I also found that life throws a lot of bad sh*t at you in a short amount of time. Especially when things are going great. lol
Yeah, those chest pains could be EoE believe it or not, especially if you have allergy triggers.

Though from what I understand GERD/acid can cause elevated eosinophils. I was basically abusing hot sauces and garlic chili paste during the pandemic and wonder if that was my cause.
 

Tschumi

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this is going to sound trite...

I can understand the reasons that you've put weight back on. Food encourages endorphins and that combined with the exhilaration of a recovery would really reinforce itself. Sometimes you just need some good feels in the face of tougher challenges.

I hover on the edge of getting chubby and I know, without a doubt, that it's because I'm compensating for external dissatisfaction and a sense of a lack of control. It's possibly because I live in Japan and the language barrier (I can speak Japanese but native Japanese is a whole other level of slang and speed) really browbeats me almost every day... I feel like I need to control something, so I very carefully select a dinner, and a salad, and a desert, and a tasty drink, and a protein drink to recover from my day's exercise, and a snack for later that night, just in case, oh it's all very careful and responsible and jesus i wish i could be putting that mental energy into talking with people.

this is just a small part of your OP, but the moral of my story is that if we're honest with ourselves we can generally identify the reasons for our addictions and procrastinations, and it's up to us to ignore that imbalance and its effects on us and to try and get back on track.
 
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Vagswarm

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Yeah, those chest pains could be EoE believe it or not, especially if you have allergy triggers.

Though from what I understand GERD/acid can cause elevated eosinophils. I was basically abusing hot sauces and garlic chili paste during the pandemic and wonder if that was my cause.
When I went to the ER, they did all the necessary chest pain checks and it all came back as normal. They said it was likely acid reflux and anxiety, which I told them I have beforehand. That's when I went to the gastroenterologist and he diagnosed the acid reflux "officially", and put me on the osemoprazole instead of the regular one. And told me to avoid everything that tastes good.

Really haven't had any chest pain problems since the medication switch, and the endoscopy from months prior showed mild reflux with none of the additional stuff. I never had the swallowing issues that you mentioned, or really a lot of heartburn either. But that apparently isn't necessary to have reflux.

From what the gastroenterologist said, reflux usually happens over time. So I don't know if just what you mentioned in a short time would cause it. I know that I've been eating not so good foods for a very long time, and drinking lots of soda. So it's not that surprising.
 
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GeekyDad

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...I just want to be awesome again. ...
Happy Cracking Up GIF by Regal
 
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My life has felt this way ever since the d2r beta ended.

tbh I feel like I’ve been going through the motions since.

Fortunately the game comes out this week and my life will have purpose again.
 

NeoIkaruGAF

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I’ve been like that for a few years now. No broad horizons, no adventures, just the little daily things.
And frankly, it’s enough of a hassle already to do everything that has to be done. I simply don’t understand people who want to travel, meet new people, experiment with new things all the time. Sounds like an insatiable bug to me, and doesn’t make your life more valuable than a quieter one in the end.
 
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FunkMiller

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Mate, I’d love to have just felt worn down by covid. But I have elderly relatives with serious health complaints, friends who I’ve had to help through the grief of losing their own loved ones, and my own stress related issues piled on top. I’m sorry it’s been rough for you, and you just feel like you’re going through the motions… but fuck me, I’d take feeling a bit worn down by it all any day, compared to the shit I, and a lot of others, have been through. Chin up, lad.
 
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j0hnnix

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After dealing with caring for my mother after she went into sepsis shock then released to my care and being bed ridden during COVID-19 and then her passing the start of this year, I honestly am just counting my days.

Usually with my mom around I'd keep fighting , even worn down I'd keep going but I am just tired of it all, gf keeps me somewhat going but she sees how changed I am. I sort of understand your situation , while others and yours is different and it's not easy but keep going, keep trying eventually things will get better.
 

T8SC

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I feel that this sort of topic will become evermore common as the months pass. This is not a negative remark regarding OP, I'm just observing how life is changing for many people, how the world is changing/changed and how the health officials from each country will start to shift from COVID & vaccines to another pandemic - mental health disorders.

*Footnote - Mental Health as a term gets thrown around too much in my opinion and is a loose term to essentially cover a lot of aspects, but I do feel that people will have issues going forward, whether its feeling lost. confused, isolated, underappreciated (for their work over the last 18 months), sad/depressed, unmotivated ... etc etc
 

CrankyJay™

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I feel that this sort of topic will become evermore common as the months pass. This is not a negative remark regarding OP, I'm just observing how life is changing for many people, how the world is changing/changed and how the health officials from each country will start to shift from COVID & vaccines to another pandemic - mental health disorders.

*Footnote - Mental Health as a term gets thrown around too much in my opinion and is a loose term to essentially cover a lot of aspects, but I do feel that people will have issues going forward, whether its feeling lost. confused, isolated, underappreciated (for their work over the last 18 months), sad/depressed, unmotivated ... etc etc
Nothing personal taken. I realize my problems pale in comparison to others. I should take that into perspective and show gratitude for all of the things that are going well in my life.
 

CrankyJay™

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Mate, I’d love to have just felt worn down by covid. But I have elderly relatives with serious health complaints, friends who I’ve had to help through the grief of losing their own loved ones, and my own stress related issues piled on top. I’m sorry it’s been rough for you, and you just feel like you’re going through the motions… but fuck me, I’d take feeling a bit worn down by it all any day, compared to the shit I, and a lot of others, have been through. Chin up, lad.
I hear you, and I understand. Good luck with your relatives. I completely realize my problems are small relative to others.
 
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Honestly, yes. Life has become a drag lately. I blame it mostly on COVID restrictions. Life has slowed down considerably, and not in a good way. The future seems uncertain. Prices are going up, certain markets are decimated, people are constantly fighting with each other, and the unemployment pause made people want something more out of life. Or, in some cases, just flat out made people lazy.

That said, you gotta find a way out of the funk. We're all going through it. I'm slowly getting back on track because i'm confident in my future and I have a plan. Keep your body and mind strong.
 
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Vagswarm

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Sounds like a bunch of us are in similar situations.

One thing I found that helps stay motivated and on the way to improvement is to set some goals and keep them at the forefront as much as possible, without letting any excuses get in the way. A big part of that for me was going to college last year. No matter how I'm feeling or what I "want" to do, college comes first. And I've been doing really well so far, especially compared to just about everything else, ever. I've had to keep it focused and stop messing around. This could also apply to working out, going out & socializing, or whatever. Thinking about how you want to change for the better helps with this as well... I was sick of jumping from job to job and not getting anywhere in terms of a career (there was none).

I also make sure to do things with a purpose. You can't always just "let things happen" and hope for the best. You have to be a bit of a selfish opportunist at times. Make sure to prep yourself beforehand, to get into the right state of mind. I've been doing this with socializing lately, and it has made a difference. I don't hope that someone comes and approaches and starts a conversation. I've had to do research on social skills a few years ago just to get the knowledge right. Now I approach and start conversations and keep them going. You'd be surprised how many people are more than engaging once you get the ball rolling -- they are just as cautious as you!

Example of "just letting things happen": Back in the day, we were all about partying & status. The assumption was that because women found me attractive and I could socialize easily, that all I had to do was go out or show up. There was a degree of success, sure, but the people who were actually putting in the effort and going out with the intent of making friends or hooking up were getting all the action. They were out there to socialize and make friends. They set up events and invited people to hang out. They approached women that they found attractive, set up dates, and the whole nine. The girls and "friends" that I did get were the aggressive crazy types, since those are the ones that usually approach and engage and look for passive, submissive people (just like jerks do with women, usually).

The hardest part is to get the ball rolling at first, but they say it takes 60-90 days for new habits to form.

TLDR: Sometimes you gotta take life by the balls and go get what you want, to make the change happen.
 
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Cattlyst

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Not just you OP. I'm currently feeling like life has no meaning. Every day is just sitting at home working off of a work issued laptop. Evenings I exercise. Weekends I have nothing to do so I just exercise more, game or look at the same websites. Life has ground to a halt for one reason or another, my self esteem has vanished and I just feel like shit all the time. Stuck in a rut, bored of life, nothing specific to look forward to but no motivation to change anything because nothing is especially bad. Just humdrum. Meh.
 

JimmyRustler

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Basically me. Ever since I moved in my own flat and adjusted to living alone. Around 6 years now.

It‘s kinda weird. Back before I always wanted to be more relaxed and have a carefree life. Then I had and was happy with it. But after a turbulent relationship I was unable to get back into it. It doesn‘t really make sense to me. I think I should completely ditch social media again as I think that it greatly hinders my happiness with life. Either that or my crazy insomnia and eaiting problems (which I‘m both about to finally solve)

Our brain is wired so that it loves consistency. Science is pretty clear on that. Hmm…
 
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Cattlyst

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Basically me. Ever since I moved in my own flat and adjusted to living alone. Around 6 years now.

It‘s kinda weird. Back before I always wanted to be more relaxed and have a carefree life. Then I had and was happy with it. But after a turbulent relationship I was unable to get back into it. It doesn‘t really make sense to me. I think I should completely ditch social media again as I think that it greatly hinders my happiness with life. Either that or my crazy insomnia and eaiting problems (which I‘m both about to finally solve)

Our brain is wired so that it loves consistency. Science is pretty clear on that. Hmm…
Definitely ditch social media bro. That shit is bad for the mind and soul
 
Dec 29, 2018
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Not just you OP. I'm currently feeling like life has no meaning. Every day is just sitting at home working off of a work issued laptop. Evenings I exercise. Weekends I have nothing to do so I just exercise more, game or look at the same websites. Life has ground to a halt for one reason or another, my self esteem has vanished and I just feel like shit all the time. Stuck in a rut, bored of life, nothing specific to look forward to but no motivation to change anything because nothing is especially bad. Just humdrum. Meh.
Exactly the same here.

It's just this monotonous shit plus we're stuck in level 4 lockdown and the cases keep climbing. It's fucking dreadful.
 

p_xavier

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I live alone, don't have many friends, have a great job, a great life and everything, but it always seems that I'm watching a movie of someone else's life. I restarted my life from scratch so many times that it doesn't feel like me anymore. It just sucks with COVID because it feels like Groundhog day. Same routine every damn day. The thing is I always felt like this and even with anti-anxiety pills or anti-depression pills, I still feel like shit but with 40lbs of weight gain.
Amx
I actually have the same esophagus issue as you and can't swallow properly and am on the same PPI. The inflammation is massive due to much alcohol consumption over the years. Tonight is the first night in months that I haven't been drinking, I pretty much destroyed my gut so I finally decided it's time for a break as it's getting too tough on my body. Alcohol was the only thing that kept my days fun so I don't know what to do.
Well still at the same place.
 
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INC

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I live alone, don't have many friends, have a great job, a great life and everything, but it always seems that I'm watching a movie of someone else's life. I restarted my life from scratch so many times that it doesn't feel like me anymore. It just sucks with COVID because it feels like Groundhog day. Same routine every damn day. The thing is I always felt like this and even with anti-anxiety pills or anti-depression pills, I still feel like shit but with 40lbs of weight gain.

I actually have the same esophagus issue as you and can't swallow properly and am on the same PPI. The inflammation is massive due to much alcohol consumption over the years. Tonight is the first night in months that I haven't been drinking, I pretty much destroyed my gut so I finally decided it's time for a break as it's getting too tough on my body. Alcohol was the only thing that kept my days fun so I don't know what to do.

Start doing DMT
 
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DadEggs

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definitely noticed a change in attitude and life....definitely going through the motions, but thats more directed at work/career. which i think is actually, relatively for me, healthier.

family and self-care should be at the forefront of your attention, so allotting more time and energy there only feels right.

i think the pandemic has only made me more tired, annoyed, and apathetic towards everyone else.
 
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*Nightwing

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Nope
Stopped caring at all and in turn stopped doing any actual work. I log in and collect my paycheck, but just spend the day trying to keep busy playing games, reading, watching porn or surfing the web all day completely transparently waiting to get fired.

Realized I might be stuck in a real life Office Space as it seems my lack of work has translated to lack of expense in equipment being replaced at the company’s expense so I’m making the company money and being praised for the great job that I’m doing in raising profits. I don’t hate capitalism, just hate the failing upward systemic incompetence of the corporate world…. Its soul crushing being so well compensated and promoted for actively refusing to work after a lifetime of good work ethic
 

AlteredForms

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They didn’t find much and said I had GERD and sent me on my way.
Welcome to the club. My life hasn’t recovered from having this disease with takeout being the primary culprit. Once Covid has cooled down some more then I’m having a fundoplication. Fortunately for me I don’t have to pay as it’s available on the NHS. There was another member on here who had it worser than me, I hope he’s doing alright.
 
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CrankyJay™

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Welcome to the club. My life hasn’t recovered from having this disease with takeout being the primary culprit. Once Covid has cooled down some more then I’m having a fundoplication. Fortunately for me I don’t have to pay as it’s available on the NHS. There was another member on here who had it worser than me, I hope he’s doing alright.
I actually just got re-scoped last week and the biopsy did not show any more eosinophils in my esophagus but I apparently still have some mild inflammation. Again, they said GERD, stay on the PPI meds indefinitely, which I don’t really want to do.

Giving a go at quitting coffee and cutting back on acidic foods and hopefully can taper off the meds soon.
 
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I'd been doing that for years up until this year where I started changing some of my habits, going to the gym etc. Life still feels like a daily grind with work, but I'm happy at least.
 

zeorhymer

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I actually just got re-scoped last week and the biopsy did not show any more eosinophils in my esophagus but I apparently still have some mild inflammation. Again, they said GERD, stay on the PPI meds indefinitely, which I don’t really want to do.

Giving a go at quitting coffee and cutting back on acidic foods and hopefully can taper off the meds soon.
Have you tried changing your diet? High protein and low carb diet help a lot of digestion issues.

I feel like when I look at the world, the colors are dull. I was pretty enthused when I changed jobs. But now it feels like I'm going back to that dreary world. Perhaps another change is in order for me.
 

CrankyJay™

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Have you tried changing your diet? High protein and low carb diet help a lot of digestion issues.

I feel like when I look at the world, the colors are dull. I was pretty enthused when I changed jobs. But now it feels like I'm going back to that dreary world. Perhaps another change is in order for me.
Was actually in top shape when my problems started, but at the same time I was putting hot sauce on almost everything. I think it caught up. Since then I’ve put on some weight. Funny how that works. Have problems swallowing and when you regain it your body fights to not want to work out lol.