Are transgendered folk obligated to disclose that information to potential mates?

[kinggroin]

My apologies in advance about how I articulate myself. I'm not educated nearly enough to know the correct way of referring to this group and the appropriate use of transgender from a grammar stand point. So if the title offends, again, my apologies.

Now, I was curious as to what you guys think about this. Watching some Spanish show (or maybe it was originally another language but dubbed) about an attractive woman that takes a few men on dates and then reveals she was once a man at the very end. Some of the company I was with commented that it was entrapment and dishonest to the other person, while a couple people said it shouldn't matter if there's a connection anyway. If you like someone, then you like someone; anything else is irrelevant.

Personally, I'm torn on the issue.

On the one hand, there's the danger of a pre-op withholding that information and being harmed later for it when discovered. On the other hand, there's always the chance that they are accepted if they are upfront and honest about it...

What say you GAF?

 

[Shambles]

Honesty in a relationship? Well I never!

 

[phillipgessert]

Nobody's really 'obligated' to do anything, but secrets in a relationship feel lousy. It holds things forever in the 'early love' stage, which almost totally sucks.

 

[videogames]

Not in the sense that they should fill out a form but yeah, you should tell the person you're dating/involved with about yourself.

Unless you're just fucking and then who cares.

 

[Garbaga]

without question.

 

[Rubbish King]

This is a good question, C'MON TRANSGENDERGAF, EDUCATE US

 

[Riggs]

Maybe not obligated but it would be nice if they told the person upfront

 

[scar tissue]

Personally, I'm torn on the issue.

On the one hand, there's the danger of a pre-op withholding that information and being harmed later for it when discovered. On the other hand, there's always the chance that they are accepted if they are upfront and honest about it...

wat
Both of these arguments point to the same conclusion: tell the other person asap.

As for my stance, I wouldn't mind a post-OP, I guess. I'd be weirded a bit out at first but still intrigued.
Pre-OP? Hell no.

 

[Wendel Clark]

yes

 

[Alligatorjandro]

It wouldn't hurt.Ok well it might.But they should tell the truth.

 

[Infinite_Daremo]

Yup.

 

[Onemic]

I wouldn't say obligated, because no one should be 'forced' to do anything, but it would be really, really, really, shitty of you to not say anything. You would only be setting yourself up for failure and potential resentment by not disclosing it beforehand.

In preparation of this thread maybe blowing up:

 

[Vermillion]

I personally believe so. I don't exactly know why, though. Since it is considered a huge thing (socially, at the very least), it's something that should be disclosed early on.

 

[JBuccCP]

You should probably tell them up front. Or on Jerry Springer. Your call.

 

[Fari]

Absolutely yes.

 

[SoulPlaya]

Hell fucking yes.

 

[Riggs]

lol just saw this thread in the gaming section, all the mass effect 3 comments were funny at least.

 

[rvy]

You should probably tell them up front. Or on Jerry Springer. Your call.

Jerry Springer would definitely be much more entertaining.

 

[-viper-]

of course. it has to be a must.

 

[dark_chris]

I feel yes.
I remember a relative of mine found out a girl he was hanging with was a guy while in the middle of a intimate moment, needless to say, it didn't end so nice. lol.

 

[DonasaurusRex]

thats probably a good idea.

 

[Emitan]

Are you talking about transgender (birth genitalia, hormone therapy) or transsexual (genitalia altering surgery)?

I would want to know either way, but if he or she is transgender it seems kind of ridiculous not to tell because they haven't had any surgery.

 

[el retorno]

Yes.

 

[Monocle]

Yes, deceiving your partner about such an important aspect of your life would be wrong.

 

[Gaborn]

I think the obligation exists before a long term commitment but before that *shrug* I think it's a somewhat tangentially related issue to a thread I made previously about a man that hadn't told his then-girlfriend and later wife that he had had a vasectomy when he was asked about having children. I don't think that is information you'd be obligated to disclose if you're just in a relationship to have fun (and if you ARE then it doesn't matter). As others have said though, in fairness it probably should be disclosed before, say, a marriage or moving in together.

Although I think it's more of a social obligation, not something that is required at all per se. It's just a trust thing considering what a major step that is in a person's life.

 

[Nesotenso]

Well if you are dating someone or looking to get into a relationship then yes.

 

[CHEEZMO™]

Subbing.

 

[kinggroin]

Are you talking about transgender (birth genitalia, hormone therapy) or transsexual (genitalia altering surgery)?

I would want to know either way, but if he or she is transgender it seems kind of ridiculous not to tell because they haven't had any surgery.

Didn't even know there was a difference. I guess both then. Thanks for the clarification btw.

 

[filler]

I've seen porn with a post-OP transgender woman and the vagina thing looked horrible. I still get nightmares about it, it was my Vietnam.

 

[Game-Biz]

Yes. Unless it's revealed something like 10 years into the fucking relationship. Having that kind of a revelation that many years into a relationship would fuck me up something proper. Best to throw it out there right in the beginning. And yes, 95% would not be cool with it and reject you, but at least you'd have a honest relationship with the person you found within the 5%.

 

[Devolution]

I'd say yes but, and this is a big but, there is such a misconception about what being transgendered/transexual actually entails that I don't begrudge the people who aren't upfront about it.

 

[Toppot]

Honesty is best. And if the transgendered person is planning on having sexual relations it should be talked about before such acts. I'm not sure exactly how one brings up the topic though.

Personally, if I click with the person and I am attracted to them (If they were born male but now that look feminine) then that's fine. I would be intrigued. As for pre or post op, I don't know how I'd feel about pre-op but I'm open minded enough to give it a go.

I had a similar situation before where a girl had gender identity disorder (Forgive me if that's not the correct term) and before we met in real life she just striaght up told me about it and said that she understood if that weird-ed me out and didn't want to meet her. I was fine with it, met up and we had a happy relationship.

 

[Jokergrin]

I've seen porn with a post-OP transgender woman and the vagina thing looked horrible. I still get nightmares about it, it was my Vietnam.

oh my

 

[zon]

Yes.

They shouldn't be expected to blurt it out to anyone they might be interested in, but I think they should tell their partner before sexy-time.

 

[Alrix]

Quagmire's dad didn't tell Brian about it, and look what happened.

 

[out0v0rder]

no because i like funny tv shows like the IT crowd

 

[starchild excalibur]

I think you should be up front as it's something that could affect the other party's feeling on the relationship (for better or for worse). It's not like just revealing that you're left handed or like nutella or something. Hopefully the other person won't have an issue with it, but if they do it's better they find out early on and not well into the relationship.

I've seen porn with a post-OP transgender woman and the vagina thing looked horrible. I still get nightmares about it, it was my Vietnam.

*avatarquoute*

 

[Pandaman]

anyone incapable of reproducing with their partner should make those difficulties known to their partner, be they physically incapable or merely unwilling.

 

[Amakusa]

Yes.

They should be expected to blurt it out to anyone they might be interested in, but I think they should tell their partner before sexy-time.

I'll just fix that typo for ya bro

This is a heavy subject to talk about, it should be the first thing said "Hi my name was Bill, but its now Elizabeth. Wanna go out for a few drinks?"

 

[SUPREME1]

First date topic. Hell, it should be brought up the moment either person asks the other out on a date.

 

[Dark Octave]

Yeah, this would be VERY important information to the majority of people in the dating scene.

It should be brought up before plans are made to go out with that person for the first time, just like the guy above me said.

 

[Az]

I see eight and a half pages with the conclusion being "Yes".

 

[fireside]

I don’t think anybody should feel obligated, but if there is a mutual attraction the transgendered person should definitely inform the other party as soon as possible. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to be in a relationship with another person with—for better or worse—a large part of their life a secret.

 

[AlexMogil]

Why wouldn't you?

 

[UFRA]

Yes.

 

[Bay Maximus]

Absolutely, 100% obligated.

 

[Onemic]

Legally? No. Ethically & practically? Yes.

But I can certainly understand why they'd be reticent to disclose that information. Calling them 'traps' probably doesn't help.

It's sorta a self fulfilling prophecy if you don't say anything though.

 

[Az987]

Quagmire's dad didn't tell Brian about it, and look what happened.

I know and I was dating this girl who turned out to be a guy but was really a horse and then a broom. Crazy world man

 

[Socreges]

Are you talking about transgender (birth genitalia, hormone therapy) or transsexual (genitalia altering surgery)?

I would want to know either way, but if he or she is transgender it seems kind of ridiculous not to tell because they haven't had any surgery.

Both.

Transgender, without question. Personally I think it's deceptive for a 'penis-possessing person' to be dressed up as a woman and not disclose that information to someone who's obviously interested (assuming this person is convinced that 'she' has a vagina). I have no idea how/when that would be brought up, though.

Transsexual, yes. But this is a little more complicated and I know some people disagree. This should be the question in the OP because I think it's the only one that would actually get a variety of opinions.

I think the obligation exists before a long term commitment but before that *shrug* I think it's a somewhat tangentially related issue to a thread I made previously about a man that hadn't told his then-girlfriend and later wife that he had had a vasectomy when he was asked about having children. I don't think that is information you'd be obligated to disclose if you're just in a relationship to have fun (and if you ARE then it doesn't matter). As others have said though, in fairness it probably should be disclosed before, say, a marriage or moving in together.

If you're including transgender folk in this, can you explain how this would be at all practical?

 

[Dicer]

Hell, we still don't have a definitive answer on Poison...