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[Dark Octave]

so this is the only thing, ever, that should be disclosed before sex. this is the bare minimum before funky town.

anything else someone should share about their identity before sex.

A condom should take care of the rest should the straight man decide to continue from there.

But to hold back information about being transgendered isn't fair to a straight man, because many men don't see a transgender woman as a woman. If they wanted to be with a trans woman, they would seek that specifically.

 

[Emitan]

If I started dating someone and they told me more than 3 dates in I would call it off. That's something you need to be up front about and see if the other person is willing to accept it. It's not a bomb you drop weeks or months into it. That would destroy any trust I would potentially have with that person.

I don't think should just put a number on something important like that. Totally depends on how fast or slow the relationship is moving.

If you were attracted to a woman who turned out to be trans, then wouldn't that mean you were attracted to a trans-woman? I understand that it would become a turn-off after you gain knowledge, but that initial attraction still happened.

People are probably afraid of being attracted to trans people because they might somehow magically become homosexual or something. I don't know.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

What is the lie? That I'm REALLLLLLY a man, and I just dress like a girl for shits and giggles? To deceive and entrap innocent heterosexual men?

I responded to the OP according to how the initial question was worded....in the context of the show and not telling them until the end. That's pretty much something that should be discussed right off the bat. There are PLENTY of people that wouldn't have any issue with it. But others may. That's life. Everyone has tastes.

I just think that both people should go into any relationship knowing full well what it's about and who you're with. That's pretty much it.

You seem to feel very strongly about this and while I respect that completely there will be people in life that disagree when it comes to courtship. Some people would want to know if a person is transgendered. Nothing wrong with it. But everyone in life has a preference. My personal preference is that I'm not attracted to transgendered people and would want to know. And I say that because I've definitely met transgendered people where I could NOT tell the difference. At all. All preferences should be respected.

 

[ReBurn]

I guess I don't understand the definition of "potential mate" for the sake of the discussion. There are things that people need to talk about when making decisions about a future life together. If people are talking about something like marriage or a committed long-term relationship I would hope that the subject would have come up and that it is mutually accepted. What possible benefit could there be to hiding it? I wouldn't want to build a life with someone who wouldn't accept me for who I am.

 

[Garbaga]

If you were attracted to a woman who turned out to be trans, then wouldn't that mean you were attracted to a trans-woman? I understand that it would become a turn-off after you gain knowledge, but that initial attraction still happened.

personally, i've never felt a significant attraction to a trans-woman; definitely not in real life and even on the internet with all of the pics of "hot" trans-women who are pretty indistinguishable from cis-women.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

I've said what I would personally do, I can't speak for every trans person, but I would have thought I was very reasonable about it.

Apparently not. Maybe a Scarlet letter? Tattoo? What's good enough?

Forgive my lack of hyperbole but I would think a first date would be pretty reasonable. If they're cool with it, there will be a second and a third and hopefully many many more. If not, why would someone want to be with someone that isn't into them?

 

[Emitan]

personally, i've never felt a significant attraction to a trans-woman; definitely not in real life and even on the internet with all of the pics of "hot" trans-women who are pretty indistinguishable from cis-women.

Not to sound aggressive or imply anything, but you've been sounding really defensive in thread.

 

[Garbaga]

Not to sound aggressive or imply anything, but you've been sounding really defensive in thread.

that's because a few members here have taken upon the offense?

 

[ruuk]

Yep.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

I can't really blame a trans person if they didn't want to reveal.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

I can't really blame a trans person if they didn't want to reveal.

That's fair. But then we can't really blame a non-trans person if they would prefer to know. Everyone has a preference.

 

[squidyj]

Before the sexytime, that would be my rule if I were transexual, which I'm not.

That said I don't think they should be legally obligated to disclose that information or anything but I'd definitely think less of someone who didn't disclose it before sex. Not a lot less, but still.

 

[Dali]

I don't think there's any question on whether you should or not, but I imagine it'd be difficult in practice.

• How do you tell them? With words
• And most importantly, when do you tell them? Before sex

Tough situation to be in for both

.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

personally, i've never felt a significant attraction to a trans-woman; definitely not in real life and even on the internet with all of the pics of "hot" trans-women who are pretty indistinguishable from cis-women.

Maybe that's because of your knowledge of them being transwomen?
If they are pretty indistinguishable from cis-women, then I'd be impressed by your sixth sense enabling you to still distinguish them from transwomen through your attraction to them.

 

[videogames]

Not to sound aggressive or imply anything, but you've been sounding really defensive in thread.

gotta defend those ignorant viewpoints and dodge questions.

also gonna need to know your social before continuing this conversation. gotta know if you're not of my optimal preference.

 

[Garbaga]

Maybe that's because of your knowledge of them being transwomen?
If they are pretty indistinguishable from cis-women, then I'd be impressed by your sixth sense enabling you to still distinguish them from transwomen through your attraction to them.

Bottomline is, I do not wish to engage in any intimate activities with trans-women; indistinguishable from cis-women or not.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Before the sexytime, that would be my rule if I were transexual, which I'm not.

That said I don't think they should be legally obligated to disclose that information or anything but I'd definitely think less of someone who didn't disclose it before sex. Not a lot less, but still.

Oh yea...I'm definitely not advocating making it a law. Fuck that. I'm just saying...it'd be nice to know since everyone has their tastes and desires. It'd also be nice to know that someone like me for me and it's something we can discuss freely.

 

[hteng]

which spanish show was it? i would like to see how attractive she is.

 

[Platy]

i'm confident of it.

i think i'll leave the thread because my sexual preferences prejudices are clearly eliciting a negative emotional reaction.

Fixed

People aren't always rational. Seems like if they were going to write someone off over that then it's only a matter of time.

My thoughts are that it might be prudent to drop strong hints on the first date to see if they're open minded enough for a second. Otherwise it's harder to predict what will happen when the full story comes out. It could be unpleasant for both parties. The longer it takes the stronger the reaction will be.

If there's no first date then safety should be the primary concern. No harm no foul.

I'm REALLY curious to what would be a strong hint.
"Hey .. lets talk about football!!" ? hehe xD

That's the part that people call a "trap".

It matters, even in a one night stand.

You had sex with a women and she will not get pregnant.
End of the story, there is no trap ... you can even say that because of the chance of a cis girl being pregnant in a one night stand, THE CIS GIRLS are the real traps =P

you're really reaching with this one.

Most reasons presented here are because heterosexual males don't accept transgender women as females ... and only like 2 people said the main reason being infertility, wich is the only non prejudice choice.

But to hold back information about being transgendered isn't fair to a straight man, because many men don't see a transgender woman as a woman. If they wanted to be with a trans woman, they would seek that specifically.

That is victim blaming.
If a men don't see transgender women as woman, the problem is THEIRS for going against every antropologic, psyquiatric, neurological and scientific reason to believe otherwise

That's fair. But then we can't really blame a non-trans person if they would prefer to know. Everyone has a preference.

Yes you can.
Extreme example ... but imagine if this thread was about internet dating :

"But then we can't really blame a non-black person if they would prefer to know. Everyone has a preference."


edit :

Bottomline is, I do not wish to engage in any intimate activities with trans-women; indistinguishable from cis-women or not.

Wich means that you are so secure of your heterosexuality that you have alergy to the Y cromossome ?

which spanish show was it? i would like to see how attractive she is.

Not sure about the spanish, but a similar problem happened on this in the UK with a program called There is Something About Miriam
The network received legal action from the people to stop the show from even airing ... and there was NO SEX involved.
If you are curious :

 

[Pop On Arrival]

I have a transgender friend that does this constantly. She just goes on dating sites, meets someone new, after a few days when shit gets serious, she bails. Thankfully, she has never been hurt doing this, but I always tell her it's only a matter if time before she runs into some guy who will freak the fuck out and hurt her.

Right now she's dating another dude who also doesn't have a clue that she's transgendered and from what I see, it looks like the guy is already inlove with her. I know it's not really any of my business, but I just don't wanna see her get hurt. I understand she's lonely as shit, but maaan, I really dunno what to do. :/

 

[Onemic]

Fixed



I'm REALLY curious to what would be a strong hint.
"Hey .. lets talk about football!!" ? hehe xD




You had sex with a women and she will not get pregnant.
End of the story, there is no trap ... you can even say that because of the chance of a cis girl being pregnant in a one night stand, THE CIS GIRLS are the real traps =P



Most reasons presented here are because heterosexual males don't accept transgender women as females ... and only like 2 people said the main reason being infertility, wich is the only non prejudice choice.



That is victim blaming.
If a men don't see transgender women as woman, the problem is THEIRS for going against every antropologic, psyquiatric, neurological and scientific reason to believe otherwise



Yes you can.
Extreme example ... but imagine if this thread was about internet dating :

"But then we can't really blame a non-black person if they would prefer to know. Everyone has a preference."

I understand what you're saying, but this example is not even close to being the same thing.

 

[antonz]

Thsi thread is turning into a trap. So because someone would prefer the truth it makes them a bigot? really?

 

[Emitan]

She just goes on dating sites, meets someone new, after a few days when shit gets serious, she bails.

What do you mean she bails? She tells them she's trans and dumps them or what?

I would seriously have no idea she's trans. She's beautiful.

 

[Steelrain]

Yeah.... I would like to know right off the bat.

 

[Pop On Arrival]

What do you mean she bails? She tells them she's trans and dumps them or what?

Like she'd rather bail than get busted about being trans. We live in the Philippines, though. Guys here are really conscious about being seen as gay or someshit, lol. It's hard as fuck to get a date here if you're trans, unfortunately. A lot of close-minded people.

 

[Garbaga]

Miriam is a perfect example of a seemingly indistinguishable trans-woman; yet, their are several things "off" about her that are peculiar and mark a turn-off for me as a straight man, even without knowledge of her being trans before hand (I was first exposed to her without this knowledge.)

 

[PhoenixDark]

The only answer is yes. I'd say honesty and openness are major things in any serious relationship, and this would be one of the most serious things one could bring into a relationship; same with being HIV positive, having children with another person, being infertile, etc. And I'd imagine people will distort my post, but I really don't care. It would be a major topic of conversation before any relationship, and is something that cannot or should not be hidden.

 

[Platy]

Thsi thread is turning into a trap. So because someone would prefer the truth it makes them a bigot? really?

The problem is how important most people are thinking of the truth.
There are lots of examples of people who finished all their surgery and stutfs like that a long time ago and HATE to even remember that they had to do.

So most transexuals, talking about the fact that she has a diferent chromossome than you might think is like to talking that she had some random disease when she was little but is already cured.
....because that was basicaly what she had.

Or do you know the entire medical history of all your girlfriends ?

Infertility is what need to be said in a serious relationship

 

[lexi]

Miriam is a perfect example of a seemingly indistinguishable trans-woman; yet, their are several things "off" about her that are peculiar and mark a turn-off for me as a straight man, even without knowledge of her being trans before hand (I was first exposed to her without this knowledge.)

Is this seemingly mysterious and magical sixth sense of yours something all men have, or just you?

 

[GoldenEye 007]

Hm.

Well an obligation? That's up to the person on whether or not they say anything of course.

Now, on when it is found out by the other person, it depends. No matter what I guess it is a roll of the die. The person can be open about it and accept it and continue things. The person may have been open but broke things off because the other wasn't honest in the beginning. The person can be turned off by it and end things like that.

For one night stands and the related - I really don't do those so I would hopefully not put myself in that position. But if things happen one night and we're doing the deed and it somehow comes out - then I'd probably put a stop to it and move on. If the other person chooses not to say anything and I never notice - then I guess well, I won't know.

Now, if that blossoms into something more serious it would probably at some point be good to tell the other. Especially if things get really serious and we're all lovey dovey and wanting to settle down and start a family, etc. If we get to that point and I'm still obviously unaware for whatever reason and I'm told - again my initial reaction and probably final one would be to move on. For one because I wasn't told for the outset. Would probably create too many trust issues for me. And two, if my plan was to start a family - well that presents a pretty ironclad biological issue.

But yeah, it seems like at any point, knowing the full story would turn me away. As unfortunate as that reality is. So I could see the partner's reluctance in wanting to say in that regard.

 

[Platy]

Is this seemingly mysterious and magical sixth sense of yours something all men have, or just you?

He does have a sixth sense and it is called Sharp Knees

edit -------------

I understand what you're saying, but this example is not even close to being the same thing.

It is ok ...how about "non-measles" person ? A "people who never broken their arm" person ?

 

[Emitan]

Miriam is a perfect example of a seemingly indistinguishable trans-woman; yet, their are several things "off" about her that are peculiar and mark a turn-off for me as a straight man, even without knowledge of her being trans before hand (I was first exposed to her without this knowledge.)

Ok, I really highly doubt this. You could tell she was trans without knowing?

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

I don't think there's any question on whether you should or not, but I imagine it'd be difficult in practice.

• How do you tell them?
• And most importantly, when do you tell them?

Tough situation to be in for both

How is it a tough situation? You tell them ASAP and say, hey I used to be a dude. How is that difficult? I don't want to fuck a dude, regardless of whether he had his balls chopped off or not.

I personally think there is an obligation to tell before sex. But it's not something you tell straight away, you would never get a date. They will just friendzone you or worse if all you are to them is a 'tranny'.

Think about what you said, they should hold back critical information because it would lower their chances of having a date? Fuck outta here b. The reason it would lower their chance is because most straight men don't want to date a transgender/transsexual woman.

 

[Garbaga]

Is this seemingly mysterious and magical sixth sense of yours something all men have, or just you?

I'd imagine most men would be able to recognize the rather mannish and peculiar features of Miriam, although I obviously can't be for certain.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

How is it a tough situation? You tell them ASAP and say, hey I used to be a dude. How is that difficult? I don't want to fuck a dude, regardless of whether he had his balls chopped off or not.

Because they dont know how the person would react.They could try to hurt them.

 

[Al-ibn Kermit]

I don't think there's any question on whether you should or not, but I imagine it'd be difficult in practice.

• How do you tell them?
• And most importantly, when do you tell them?

Tough situation to be in for both

I think it would be best to tell after you start flirting but before the first date. When it's clear that you are each sending signals and have an interest in each other, then try to get it out.

The worst case scenario is that you don't get a date but I doubt you were going to change that person's mind after a couple dates anyways. Those who have no problems with it would obviously appreciate the honesty.

 

[Devolution]

I'd imagine most men would be able to recognize the rather mannish and peculiar features of Miriam, although I obviously can't be for certain.

Uhh there are tons of cis women who look exactly like that.

 

[Garbaga]

Uhh there are tons of cis women who look exactly like that.

Yes, and they also mark a turn-off for me. I'm not particularly fond of those features, although I know some men who actually are.

 

[Emitan]

I'd imagine most men would be able to recognize the rather mannish and peculiar features of Miriam, although I obviously can't be for certain.

I want to know what amazingly awesome universe you live in where Miriam is considered mannish and peculiar. You live a charmed life.

How is it a tough situation? You tell them ASAP and say, hey I used to be a dude. How is that difficult? I don't want to fuck a dude, regardless of whether he had his balls chopped off or not.

But they're not men.

 

[akira28]

Yes. Pre-op or post op. If someone ... I just don't know.

tyronebiggumsconfused.gif


I mean...if I found out any other way than immediately, trust would be like an ice cube on the surface of the sun. If you don't want to date someone who's TG, it shouldn't be some sort of anonymity thing.


edit:
There was that story in the DailyMail about the sex addict woman who slept with like 100 guys, and didn't tell them she was TG. I mean, it's the Mail, but yeah.

 

[fireside]

I think it would be best to tell after you start flirting but before the first date. When it's clear that you are each sending signals and have an interest in each other, then try to get it out.

The worst case scenario is that you don't get a date but I doubt you were going to change that person's mind after a couple dates anyways. Those who have no problems with it would obviously appreciate the honesty.

Haha, before the first date. “Hey, I don’t know you, don’t trust you, don’t know if you’re going to start curb stomping me, don’t even know if I want to date you, but I’m going to tell you one of the biggest secrets a person can have.”

 

[videogames]

how long do you stalk girls before you make your move, garbaga

 

[Mistouze]

It would be weird to learn I had sex with a woman that used to be a man but transgendered people have needs so I would totally understand a tg person not disclosing it in order to get some.

 

[Garbaga]

I want to know what amazingly awesome universe you live in where Miriam is considered mannish and peculiar. You live a charmed life.

She exhibits several mannish features, that is fact; someone would probably mention all women do, but not nearly to the extent Miriam does.

 

[Nose Master]

If they intend to be in a sexual relationship with that person, of fucking course.

 

[Emitan]

Thinking about it in the context of violence makes the matter much more confusing. Should they tell right away so the person won't be angry? But then they're revealing very personal information to someone they don't know well. Or do they wait? But then a person who would get angry will probably be even angrier because the information was withheld for so long.

Considering the prospect of dating a trans woman doesn't bother me, I can't really look at this situation and give one straight answer.

One the one hand, I do feel like I would want to know it right away. But on the other hand, it doesn't really bother me at all so why should they feel obligated to tell me? She would have no idea how I'd react.

EDIT: If she still had a penis and testes I would definitely want to know before we had sex, because regardless of my acceptance, that's a pretty big surprise. If she's had the surgery then she should tell when she's comfortable.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

She exhibits several mannish features, that is fact; someone would probably mention all women do, but not nearly to the extent Miriam does.

The question is if you would notice this had you just met her in an normal context without having been told that she was a transwoman.
It could just be a personal preference that you have, but it might be based on your perception of transwomen rather than their actual appearance.

 

[Garbaga]

The question is if you would notice this had you just met her in an normal context without having been told that she was a transwoman.
It could just be a personal preference that you have, but it might be based on your perception of transwomen rather than their actual appearance.

That is a great question, like I said before I was introduced to pics of Miriam without knowing she was trans and noticed those peculiarities (however, their had to be some reason my pals were showing me this pic of this not particularly remarkable woman).

I don't doubt that their are trans-woman in the world where I simply could not distinguish any peculiarities at all; it's a miracle how far technology and medicine has come.

 

[Wendel Clark]

i would prefer not to date a dude

 

[Orayn]

i would prefer not to date a dude

Fantastic. That's not the topic of this thread.