I'm going to tell you all a story, a story of my life. A story how a movie changed my life.
As many people around my age I had no idea what to do with my life. I tried several things but could find anything that made me feel "complete". Something was missing from my life, a hole that couldn't be filled. I wandered thought life as it had no meaning. But, when I was least expecting it, something changed my life.
One day like any other day I decided to go see a movie. I didn't mind which movie. It could be any movie as I wasn't paying anyway. All I wanted was a little entertainment in my boring life but I got much more of what I wanted. That movie changed my point of view and gave a new goal to my life. The movie was DEADPOOL.
The amazing Deadpool. This is the greatest movie ever, it has everything: comedy, action, romance, Ryan Reynolds taking things up in his ass. An instant movie classic. It also gave me something I wanted to be in the future: A mutant.
It seems that mutants are fictional, so there was no way I could be a mutant. Fuck, plan 1 failed before I started. So goal 2 should be instead: A mercenary. Let's say it didn't worked also. I can't give any details, as I made a pledge to take it to the grave. So goal 3 instead should be: A comic book writer.
My new goal in life would be writing Deadpool comics. With that goal in mind I send my CV to a big comic company to land a job. To my surprise, even when I don't have any experience writing comics (I don't even have experience reading comics), I scored the job. I was going to be a new comic writer in DC Comics.
It seems that DC Comics doesn't own Deadpool. Fuck. But I'm a positive person so I decided to make the best out of it. I decided to make a Deadpool comic nevertheless. The lawyers at DC weren't very happy about it and gave that idea the thumps down. I then offered them to make a comic called DeathTool, a funny mercenary with an amazing healing ability who usually breaks the fourth wall. They said they were going to think about it. Never heard about it again from them. Finally they said that I should work in a comic book named Batman.
I don't know anything about this Batman guy but I know for certain that I don't want to write about him. My life was in ruins again. My happiness was slipping away. But then I had the greatest idea ever: I could just kill that goddamn Batman and DC would be forced to allow me to write the DeathTool comic. As everyone know, once a comic character dies he isn't coming back.
So all my life is in your hands. You are my beloved Villains. I will write the setting and give all of you plenty of opportunities. Now you just need to kill the Bat. I'm a grateful person so I'm even willing to offer a reward: Just kill the Bat and I will invite all of you pizza. Just no pineapple pizza. That's horrible, my god.
Just kill the Bat and all his horrible family and I can finally have a goal in life again.
Kill the Bat.