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Opinion Australian cricket's guvin' me the shuts ey | Rant

Tschumi

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Jul 4, 2020
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*Kiwi accent of thread title a reference to 12th man, I'm not a kiwi

Dammit Australian cricket team. When India beat us in the last home series against them we could blame it on Warner and Smith (and fallguy Cowan) being king dumbasses and getting themselves banned for, as far as i can tell, being total wimps, and now Warner's come back into the team to save us all and gotten out first drop?

Why do we even give a toss about Warner? Stuart Broad revealed him to be unusually stiff wet cardboard in the away Ashes series, and now suddenly we're giving him adulation again after a few big scores? The guy's a wanker who is trading on props he earned in, like, 2011 as a T20 bastman.

But that's not a shock to the system or anything - what business does Steve Smith have being the next Warner now? He's meant to be our lovably socially inept cricket genius who was rewriting what was possible for anyone not named Donald Bradman, but now he's the unsportsmanlike bitch of a spinner? This guy is meant to eat spinners for breakfast with his preternatural timing and movement and eye... give me a break. Failing on home tracks which, last time i checked, are hardly spinner friendly... His wife says he practices in the shower, mate i reckon he needs to add dunny practice to the repertoire too, now~

Don't get me started on some of the journeyman elsewhere in our batting lineup. what the hell is Matthew Wade doing in the team? He's a failed wicket keeper. So he tearfully tried to reconstruct himself as a batsman because he lost his wicket keeping place to someone better, but why the fudgebucket is this 33 year old converted wicketkeeper in the team ahead of full time young batsmen with promise? First Class runs? Maybe when Cricket Australia starts funding first class cricket instead of just stocking their fucking drink machines that'll mean something. Kurtis Patterson isn't the hottest doo-doo on the dashboard but he's certainly worth a punt over this niggly leftover from the Loudmouth Lehmann years trying to go to 'assholes anonymous' on Cricket Australia's dime, on live sporting television!

And wtf is up with our incredible bowling attack? Arguably better than early 00s? Give me a break, they could barely get out the Indian sides in Melbourne on a pitch that (breaking precedent with usual Melbourne pitches - this is an arena that gave alistair cook a double ton roughly 5 years after he was any fucking good at the game) appeared to have enough life in it to totally upfuck our batsmen. Cummins number one bowler in the world? Get ready to lose that placing, champ!

If we lose this test, we can only draw the series. And with the kind of momentum India would gain from two wins on the trot built on what could well be 4 consecutive batting failures by Australia, we're going to end up losing to these pricks twice in two home series! We can barely crack it for a single test win when we visit the subcontinent, what the hell are we doing letting these guys boss the game in our back yard?

We won the toss and elected to bat on a rain impacted day. Why the fuck are we doing that? What kind of mindless bravado is that? What happened to a new age of intelligent, thoughtful cricket without resorting to chest thumping? Did Warner say "fuck it let me at 'em I'll smash 'em all over the place if the ball's skidding or dying in the arse on the bounce"? Well, Warner, you got out in the third over.

Many moons ago whilst i was still in uni I was a fucking employee of a restaurant in Crown Casino, Melbourne one summer when Alistair Cook was scoring runs for fun in an ashes in australia, and Ricky freaking Ponting came into the restaurant with friends then hung around at the bar all on his lonesome nursing a drink to deal with his woes. I genuinely wanted to go up to him and give him some nice words... If Warner did that I'd call the cops to arrest him for having a fucking moustache outside of movember.
 
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D

Deleted member 801069

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don’t worry baseball will be back in a few months
 
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Tschumi

Gold Member
Jul 4, 2020
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don’t worry baseball will be back in a few months
sadly baseball does even less for me, at least in cricket batters can face as many pitches as they can get away with.. i dig baseball but for the last few years i've stopped being able to watch it... if it makes u feel any better i have totally lost my interest in football/soccer, too... like the NFL tho

shut the fuck up
well i tried reporting you for being off topic and insulting, but i dunno if it'll achieve anything mate, sorry~ jeesh i've really rubbed you up the wrong way haven't i, goose fraba
 
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DESTROYA

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cricket GIF by ONE World Sports
 
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Tschumi

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I thought you claimed you left because your dad was a high ranking diplomat who made you live in 7 different countries while giving you tips on winning political arguments on the internet.

Or were you LARPing?
That was when i was a kid and still a dependent of him, biggest fan san, having fun derailing a thread without getting called on it?
 
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Tschumi

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Jul 4, 2020
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Quit acting like a bitch. Or continue so we can enjoy the moment even more.
If the guy getting shit thrown at him is acting like a bitch, what's the shitposter acting like? A wanker? I dunno mate, I'm not sure i am the antagonist here. I'll stop posting here whenever you guys stop tagging and quoting me for cheap shots
 
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