Support NeoGAF

[Foxy Fox 39]

Goddamn it shouldn't have come in here just after dinner.

avatarquote.

 

[SapientWolf]

When my older brother was in elementary school, he had just finished using the bathroom and was washing his hands when the custodian entered and discovered a huge log in one of the urinals. The custodian picked it up in his bare hand, held it up to my brother, and said, extremely angrily, "Did you do this?" My brother said no and got out of there as quickly as possible.

I was on a high school band trip and we had spent the night at a church gym. On our last day there, a select group of boys, me included, had to clean the bathrooms. In the girls' bathroom, a friend of mine went into one of the stalls and removed the little bag that the girls put their assorted disgusting items in. Before he could get it into the trash bag, it burst all over the floor, and we had to clean it up.

I always thought these stories were pretty bad, but after reading some of the others mine seem pretty tame.

My elementary school made an announcement on the PA system asking the boys to stop pooping in the urinals. I guess it was a serious problem.

 

[Alivor]

In high school, someone thought that it'd be funny to smear shit on the walls. This wasn't just a half-assed smear either; this guy decided to make a poop cross on the wall of the stall. Not even a week later in a different bathroom, someone filled a toilet with toilet paper, blood, and semen. It was disgusting.

 

[Satyamdas]

Oh my.

With that said I asked my manager why there was always poop in odd places in the womens bathroom. He said that women don't like to spend a lot of time in public restrooms unless its a really chill type of restroom. So when pooping they don't let their bottoms touch the toilet to speed up the process I guess. This of course means if there is a volcanic rumbling in their bowels its going to spew all over the toilet and possibly the walls. I don't know how much of this is accurate. But that's what he says.

Yeah, this is basically the reason. But sometimes when it is on the side of the stall, or on the inside of the stall door, you really have to wonder if some people are not aiming at those surfaces for some godforsaken reason.

The post above about the shit cake in the toilet reminds me of probably my worst personal restroom story. My older cousin and I drove from L.A. to Vegas one friday night for one of our weekend trips many many years ago. He is a big'un, around 300lbs, and I'm a slim 160 or so. We left after work and stopped in Barstow to have a truckstop grease pit meal of chili dogs and chili fries and some fucking chili soda to top it off. We were staying at Whiskey Pete's which is at the Nevada/California border so we only had another hour or so to go, and right on cue at about 20 miles out we both have the bubble guts percolating hard. We make it to the hotel, check in, and him being the older cousin he of course gets to relieve himself first.

After about 10 minutes I'm getting to the point where I can't hold it any more, and instead of plead for him to come out or trek downstairs to the casino I just pace around the room and up and down the hall. Right when I decide to just go downstairs because I can't hold it any more he FINALLY emerges from the not-ventilated-at-all closet-sized restroom and as I push him aside to get in there he tells me "Fucking toilet is broken".

:|

You have got to be fucking kidding me. Goddamn fucking Whiskey Pete's you cheap shithole sleazebag "hotel". Going downstairs was not an option now as my sphincter was rapidly becoming unclenched. I glanced at the carnage in the toilet and realized my fate. Now the bathroom would have stunk even if it had flushed, but this revolting pile was still sitting there emanating an impossibly foul chili stench, and now I had to somehow gather myself together so that I could sit on that toilet and shit on top of his shit. It wasn't protruding above the bowl or anything, and I was nowhere near coming in contact with it, but just knowing it was there below me was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever endured. I did my best female-hovering-over-the-toilet impersonation I could. I just remember it being over fairly quickly, and us going downstairs to demand a new room and to let them know of the surprise we left behind. Oh god was that shit disgusting.

The funniest part was some buddies came up to Vegas the next day, and one of them, upon hearing the terrible tale, exclaimed "You mean you SHIT, on top of his SHIT?! That's so sick!!" I was like "Yeah no fucking shit dude, I had no choice! What the fuck else could I have done?" He tells me without a hint of hesitation or doubt in the veracity of his claim, that he would have "Shit in the shower. Hell, I'd stomp it down the drain if I had to."

:|

He tells me this like I'm some fucking moron for not considering this course of action. Instantly I flashback to all the sinks with shit in them that I had cleaned out as a teenager and I picture him as the culprit in every instance, a serial fucking revolting sink and showershitter. We laughed about it all weekend but it was unspeakably gross to go through.

 

[Nard Bagman]

My elementary school made an announcement on the PA system asking the boys to stop pooping in the urinals. I guess it was a serious problem.

 

[Foxy Fox 39]

My elementary school made an announcement on the PA system asking the boys to stop pooping in the urinals. I guess it was a serious problem.

ok this got me. I actually laughed out loud.

 

[Satyamdas]

Originally Posted by Lionel Mandrake:
Regarding women's restrooms...

I got my first job during the summer break before my senior year of high school. It was pretty simple, a department store was closing and I had to help them around their huge clearance sale, dispose of unwanted goods, and other stuff that needed to be done. Anyway, one day my boss tosses me some latex gloves and laughs, telling me that there's a situation in the women's restroom. I thought, at least it's not the men's... But I was wrong.

I set up the "Out of Order" sign in front of the door and knock to make sure it's empty. I go in and immediately I'm greeted by an unusual stench. It's not like the smell of feces and stale urine you get in the men's, it was some of that, but it was all mixed with this gross flowery scent. I see the problem. I guess someone tried to "hover" and completely missed. I would understand if they got a bit on the floor, but they unleashed their entire bladder into this massive puddle, which trailed into the center of the room and into the drain. It was gross, but hey, accidents happen, so I get a mop and clean up. My boss comes in and ask what I'm doing. I explain, and he nods and says, "Okay, but that's not the situation." He was also wearing gloves at this point, and was carrying disinfectant. He opens a few stalls and we see what's happened

I have been in some disgusting bathrooms. Bathrooms where degenerate nutjobs had smeared their own feces on walls. Where plumbing has clogged. Where bowls had overflown with urine. But til this day, I'd never seen something as disturbing as that bathroom stall. The rim of the bowl was caked with feces. The floor was covered. But the weirdest thing is that the walls were... I don't even know how to explain. It was like someone took several rounds of buckshot, and replaced the pellets with crap. Some kind of excretory explosion happened here. I can't comprehend how it could have happened. My boss was kind enough to assist me, and gave me an early lunch break. But it still haunts me. It haunts my dreams.

The feces thing was never rivaled by any other event, but the pissing on the floor was a common occurrence. Besides that, there was an immense disregard for hygiene. Pads and tampons were just left lying around. Blood could be seen on the floor and sometimes on the walls... It's terrible. It truly is.

I swear there are guys out there who trade bathroom horror stories like war veterans do. Ironic considering one is considered to be "in the shit" if they have been in combat.

 

[jufonuk]

years ago I was at a cinema watching Star Trek the undiscovered country with my mates..

before we went we had some lunch, probably McDonalds or something crap like that.

half way into the movie I get the stomach ache and the "I need to go take an emergency Dump" it's one of those that I simply can jsut silently fart to release pressure cos if I did I would shit my pants.

I hurridly get up with one thing on my mind..once there I just go for the cubicle and kinda do a semi dumb and dumber style dump... I go to wipe and no fucking bog roll...

is the only cubicle toilet in the cinema, the days before mobile phones. this is a shite cinema with no toilet attendents..the movie is in full flow so no way I can draw anyones attention

only choice is I have to use my boxershorts.

Fuck... so I end up missing the rest of the film, trying to clean up my ass, when I am done I still havent cleaned it all and have a pair of shitter boxers in my hand, which I have to dispose of in the toilet bin, go home all Embarrassed, smelling vaguely like shit

..................................................

The other story is not about what happend to the toilet but rather the window of the toilet door in my house..
years ago again .. I came home from College, went up to my room and noticed the window above the toilet door had been smashed...confused I asked my mum what happend.. turns out my brothers had been fighting, one of them locked themselves in the toilet while the other had the genius idea to go downstairs and take the frozen turkey from the kitchen and lob it through the window.

 

[Polari]

This didn't happen to me but a friend, in a gay bar and the dude in the urinal next to him put his hand in his piss stream then sniffed it. In my experience if you're a straight man in a gay bar, you're probably best to hold it in unless you want to feel pretty uncomfortable. Ain't no subtlety involved.

 

[jufonuk]

This didn't happen to me but a friend, in a gay bar and the dude in the urinal next to him put his hand in his piss stream then sniffed it. In my experience if you're a straight man in a gay bar, you're probably best to hold it in unless you want to feel pretty uncomfortable. Ain't no subtlety involved.

Sorry couldn't help myself
don't ban me please

 

[Mdeezy]

I've worked in retail and maintenance..............FUCK PEOPLE.

 

[runlikehell]

Came in expecting 'point your penis at me' and bodybuilding thread.

You do not disappoint me, GAF.

 

[Gouty]

One time when I dropped my pants to take a shit in a public bathroom my cellphone fell out of my pocket onto the dirty bathroom floor. I panicked and reached out to grab it but while my butt was lifted from the seat I sprayed shit all over the wall behind me. I spun around to inspect the damage but I hadn't stopped shitting yet and blasted more crap in the opposite direction. Some dude walked in, smelled my egg/garbage shit and threw up on the floor. I had no idea he was there so when I tried to leave the stall with my pants still around my ankles to get paper towels I slipped on his vomit puddle. So now im laying on the floor covered in shit and vomit with my pants off. The guy sees this and starts cracking up. While he's laughing I have the urge to shit again. So at this point I've given up all hope of getting clean and decide to lift my legs above my head while im laying on my back and shit some more. Well I end up scoring a direct shot in the dudes mouth which causes him to vomit again only this time he vomits directly into my shitty butthole! Then we left bathroom hand in hand and took questions from the local media.

 

[Cranzor]

Did anybody save the pictures from the bodybuilding thread for whatever reason?

 

[Ollie Pooch]

This didn't happen to me but a friend, in a gay bar and the dude in the urinal next to him put his hand in his piss stream then sniffed it. In my experience if you're a straight man in a gay bar, you're probably best to hold it in unless you want to feel pretty uncomfortable. Ain't no subtlety involved.

That's disgusting and has never happened to me at ANY gay bar

 

[BloodySinner]

I went to a Wal-Wart public washroom once.

Never again.

 

[GillianSeed79]

I have Hirschsprung's disease, so these are my general rules:

1. Wherever you go make sure the first thing you find out is where the bathroom is.

2. If you begin to sweat, be on guard. Locate the nearest bathroom.

3. If your body heat suddenly increases, run to the nearest bathroom.

4. Always buy pants in pairs.

5. Be prepared to change pants within 30 seconds of entering a public bathroom.

6. Realize you have a rare disease.

7. Be ashamed.

 

[daffy]

This didn't happen to me but a friend, in a gay bar and the dude in the urinal next to him put his hand in his piss stream then sniffed it. In my experience if you're a straight man in a gay bar, you're probably best to hold it in unless you want to feel pretty uncomfortable. Ain't no subtlety involved.

hahahaha you just can't make this shit up

bathroom stories are awesome

 

[xxracerxx]

Slipped in a bar bathroom after many many drinks and fractured my ankle/leg bones in such a way that only the tissue and muscle were keeping my foot attached to my body.

$29,000 later in medical bills and 4 1/2 months later I am just starting to walk again without a limp.

I still have nightmares about wet bathroom tiles.

 

[The M.O.B]

At my highschool, there were hand-prints all over the walls and mirrors.......................Brown handprints...........

 

[Rezbit]

Ahhh a good old GAF poop thread. Always a great laugh.

 

[Arthrus]

In our chem building, a urinal began to automatically flush while I was using it one time. Except, there was way too much water coming out. I got scared and stopped peeing, but didn't have time to tuck my dick back into my pants because the bowl was filling up too quickly. The room was empty, but I had to run to the emergency eye wash station in the corner of the room to avoid the river. Not to mention how painful it is to forcefully stop peeing immediately...

I think I also mentioned in another thread that while I was using a different washroom, a urinal whose pipes weren't connected to the wall properly sprayed water all over some poor guy.

 

[Parallax]

Did anybody save the pictures from the bodybuilding thread for whatever reason?

you know, i had forgotten about that thread. that shit was fucking nasty

 

[Pollux]

When I was younger, 12 or so, my father and I went out into the woods. We were with a couple family friends. One of these men had to use the bathroom, and we happened across an outhouse. Considering we were on my uncles land we didn't see the problem with him using it. It looked something like this:

As this chap goes into the outhouse to take his dump he leaves his stuff with us. We're sitting about 25 feet away waiting for him when all of the sudden we hear this shrill scream. and this dude runs outside screaming and falls on the ground in pain. Turns out one of these:

Had bit him on the balls. It was a brown recluse....these things are crazy poisonous and my dad told me later that the guy lost a testicle. A brown recluse bite looks something like this in the WORST case scenario after surgery. Because the spider venom causes necrosis surgery is often required (Picture from google, not family friend...):

The point of all this is that you don't want to take a shit in outhouses in the woods.

 

[esquire]

^^what the fuck? I don't want to see that shit. Remove the tags.

[QUOTE=Shiv47]At Borders we found porn mags in the mens stall on occasion. Sometimes straight, sometimes the gay mags we carried. None stained with cum at least, that I dealt with.[/QUOTE]

Um, did you put them back on the newsstand rack?

[QUOTE=Gamer @ Heart][URL="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191"]LEGENDARY[/URL]

Edit: The pictures are gone, which is a horrible shame as they where masterful in their awfulness and detail.[/QUOTE]

Crying of laughter. The MS paint pictures make it.

 

[xxracerxx]

When I was younger, 12 or so, my father and I went out into the woods. We were with a couple family friends. One of these men had to use the bathroom, and we happened across an outhouse. Considering we were on my uncles land we didn't see the problem with him using it. It looked something like this:
http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/299929/299929,1274239709,1/stock-photo-a-blue-porta-potty-toilet-outhouse-in-a-woods-53400094.jpg[img]

As this chap goes into the outhouse to take his dump he leaves his stuff with us. We're sitting about 25 feet away waiting for him when all of the sudden we hear this shrill scream. and this dude runs outside screaming and falls on the ground in pain. Turns out one of these:
[img]http://www.desertusa.com/desert-animals/images/brown_recluse2.jpg[img]

Had bit him on the balls. It was a brown recluse....these things are crazy poisonous and my dad told me later that the guy lost a testicle. A brown recluse bite looks something like this in the WORST case scenario after surgery. Because the spider venom causes necrosis surgery is often required (Picture from google, not family friend...):
[img]http://images.emedicinehealth.com/images/4453/4453-4474-10729-42553.jpg[img]

The point of all this is that you don't want to take a shit in outhouses in the woods.[/QUOTE]
Fuck that shit.

But in reality sometimes you do have to take a shit in the woods and I would rather dig a hole usually than take a steamer in a Honey Bucket (which that is) in the middle of nowhere.

And really, anytime you go into a wilderness area that is a natural habitat of poisonous things you have the same likely hood of getting bit like that guy.

 

[daffy]

jesus brown recluse bite on the balls... most unfortunate

I started a slow giggle at the shrill scream part too

that stock pic is nasty tooo

 

[Death Dealer]

Once when I was a kid I went to an all you can eat Chinese Buffet. I had way more to eat that I should have and got really sick. I went into the bathroom and didn't even make it to the toilet before I started puking all over the floor. I locked the door from the inside as a left, hoping to get out of there before anyone noticed. Feel bad for whoever had to clean it up.

 

[enzo_gt]

Fucking what @ Gouty and xxracerxx's posts.

 

[xxracerxx]

Fucking what @ Gouty and xxracerxx's posts.

At least my story doesn't have shit involved. Just wet bathroom tiles and broken bones.

 

[Pollux]

At least my story doesn't have shit involved. Just wet bathroom tiles and broken bones.

But still dude I'm cringing thinking about it

 

[Stellares]

I entered my high school bathroom once and I swear it was a freaking picasso that was in there before me. On the stall they signed their name along with a large smiley face. Only problem was that they used their own shit to write it. It was also streaking down, showing that the culprit had left only moments before I came.

 

[Coeliacus]

Had bit him on the balls. It was a brown recluse....these things are crazy poisonous and my dad told me later that the guy lost a testicle. A brown recluse bite looks something like this in the WORST case scenario after surgery. Because the spider venom causes necrosis surgery is often required (Picture from google, not family friend...):
http://images.emedicinehealth.com/images/4453/4453-4474-10729-42553.jpg

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_recluse_spider#Validity_of_necrosis_claims

Similar studies are done in Aus and results looks similar. People won't let go of it though because it makes for good storytelling.

 

[Wazzim]

Ahhh a good old GAF poop thread. Always a great laugh.

lol

 

[Darkmakaimura]

LEGENDARY

Edit: The pictures are gone, which is a horrible shame as they where masterful in their awfulness and detail.

Read the whole post and listening to Coast to Coast AM. That was hilarious and the MS Paint pics made it too! What photobucket pics were missing there?

 

[xxracerxx]

But still dude I'm cringing thinking about it

Tell me about it, every time I see someone fall whether it be on tv or real life I have this shockwave run up my leg.

The upside is if I am every brutally killed by mobsters and my teeth and fingers are removed, the titanium plates and screws that are in my body will be able to identify me to the cops.

 

[ramyeon]

I walked into a fast food restaurant's toilet and there was shit wiped all over the walls, toilet and floor quite literally; there were even handprints. I quickly gagged and gtfo, totally forgot about using the bathroom for the rest of the day.

 

[Aylinato]

One time in middle school while on an away game for basketball the other team made us use the womens' lockerroom as the school was too small to have two for each sex.

I had needed to take a pee and went to the stall and opened the door. I swear to god I thought someone was murdered with the amount of blood everywhere. The blood was on the sides, floor, toilet, ceiling, and the toilet paper dispenser. I just stood there and my coach came over and made sure no one went near it, and got someone to clean it.

Probably why I looked at ladies as gross because that never happened in the mens room. Only shit in urinals or explosive diarhea everywhere. I feel shit is not as bad as blood.

 

[Lionheart1337]

I will mourn for that guys nut.

 

[Foliorum Viridum]

I'm grateful I've never been in a female bathroom now.

I don't really have any horror stories. I generally avoid public toilets as much as possible, because of the smell and mess people leave behind, but no words smeared in shit on the wall or anything.

 

[sfedai0]

Yea, girls can be horrifyingly dirty. My family's restaurant's female bathroom is always the one having overflows and clogs. Them females may appear to smell nice and look clean, but damn they fucking rage in the bathrooms.

 

[Alien Manobo]

I thought this thread was about monsters, ghosts and shit...

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

Hey guys! Long time gaffer first time thread-erer. Anyway...

Working in retail you see some pretty messed up things (specifically in the women's bathroom). I thought it would be good to share some horror stories relating to public bathrooms or just that type of situation in general.

I don't know why, but it's so true. I am a Maintenance Man, which is a glorified title for janitor. Women's bathrooms are so horrible. Blood crusted to the bottom of seats, and pee residue builds up so much. I was cleaning one day and I realized the stall right next to the sink gets used the most, so I save it for last. That way I can knock out the easy stuff and still be in an okay mood for the most part of the day. Usually this stall in the girls room has shit on the walls or the toilet. Like someone took a chili dog and just slammed it into the wall and smeared it all over... Like... seriously, parents can't just come up and say their kids did it. They let it sit there over night, so it's becomes all dry and crusty.

What really bugs me is each stall has a smell to it, stall 3 just creeps me out...

1. Pee/Shit
2. Air freshener
3. Watermelon Bubblegum
4. Puke

In line with parents not telling the employees somewhere, I have found bloody or shitty underwear stuck to the floor several time and it's just like, "Really, you can't fucking tell someone. It's not like I'm going to make you pick it up and clean it yourself."

 

[Moppet13]

Anyone mention that guy who got super glued to a toilet seat in Wal Mart on April fools day?

 

[Seraphis Cain]

Several years ago I worked the night shift at a gas station/convenience store. Close to the end of my shift, a guy came in and walked into the mens bathroom. Several minutes later I noticed an odd smell coming from the direction of the bathrooms. A bit after that, the guy walked out, bought a couple things and left. After he left the store, I went over to the bathroom to check on it...

...there was liquidy, mud-like shit all over the wall next to the toilet. Like he JUST missed the toilet or something. I walked out of the bathroom, went into the office, and drew up an "Out of Order" sign and put it on the door until I saw the assistant manager's car pull up (she was relieving me for the morning shift), at which point I pulled the sign down, went into the office, did my paperwork, clocked out, and got the fuck out of there before she noticed what was up in the bathroom.

They didn't fucking pay me enough to deal with that kind of shit.

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

LEGENDARY

Edit: The pictures are gone, which is a horrible shame as they where masterful in their awfulness and detail.

Where is that one where the kid goes to this girls place to have sex, but he had been constipated the whole week, takes this massive shit that is like the size of a baby while she is giving him head. It get's all over her parents blankets, because they decided to fuck in their room... He panics and throws her parents blankets in the dryer... It catches on fire and her parents come home to find shit everywhere.

 

[Pollux]

Where is that one where the kid goes to this girls place to have sex, but he had been constipated the whole week, takes this massive shit that is like the size of a baby while she is giving him head. It get's all over her parents blankets, because they decided to fuck in their room... He panics and throws her parents blankets in the dryer... It catches on fire and her parents come home to find shit everywhere.

If it catches on fire how would they know it was shit?

 

[Max]

GET RID OF THAT BROWN RECLUSE SHIT FUCKING GROSS.

Spoiler

pizza

On topic, one time while visiting my aunt/uncle/cousins during the summer time I had to pp real bad, terribly bad, and was having trouble holding it while watching a movie. I rush to the bathroom paying no attention to my surroundings and end up pissing all over the toilet seat.

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

If it catches on fire how would they know it was shit?

Because he had afterbirth! Shit was leaking out of his rectum and it got on the girl and his thighs. Got splattered around as he moved from here to there... The forum it was posted on has been closed down, so I can't get the whole story anymore.

 

[Foxy Fox 39]

I thought this thread was about monsters, ghosts and shit...

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l6d9w6D25j1qclwi7o1_400.gif[/IMG]

Haha it can be man. Bathroom horror stories aren't limited to pooping experiences. Just weird creepy things (or people) that lurk in the stalls.

I've been laughing at you guys' stories though. Especially the convenience store guy...haha I can't believe you did that man.