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Birth control question

arkhamguy123

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Thought I’d get a new perspective on this. A fair preface would be that I’m a historic over thinker and OCD type who does a lot more worrying than he should sometimes. Regardless here’s the situation.

So me and my girlfriend have been very happily dating for months now, we just entered long distance about a month ago but we’re making it work. The more pertaining information is that she is getting on the pill soon, I think next week, for unprotected sex free of pregnancy worries.

I was all for this but was doing more research and asking around some close friends both male and female and maaan I got some horror stories. It seems like this thing can fuck your shit up. Or at least, alter your physical or mental state in a non benign, noticeable way. Potentially. I even saw some stuff online that it killed some relationships cause the female lost interest in her partner.

Truth be told long distance itself makes me nervous before I was in one previously that didn’t work out and I’m like oh shit what if this starts impacting us negatively. Or even just subtlety changes things to where she’s not as sexual on my visits or not as conversational on FaceTime cause of mood swings etc. I don’t know it just gives me pause. Am I being crazy though? What are some of you guys experiences with this? Thanks in advance for the help!

TLDR: in long distance, great relationship, she’s about to get on birth control pills, I’m potentially irrationally worried it’ll impact our relationship with potential mental and emotional side effects.
 

arkhamguy123

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I don't want to be THAT guy but maybe you should be more concerned with "why does my long distance girlfriend feel the need to be on birth control?"
Pre long distance we had a very regular sex life up until recently and I have a visit on the horizon. I'm visiting a week a month minimum every month until I close the distance and relocate closer in about 5-8 months. It's something we were discussing before I moved away and now she is implementing it for visits.
 
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Virt McPolygon

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Long distance =/= a great relationship. Especially when she's about to go on the pill after moving away when you've only been together for "months". I dunno how old you are, but probably start thinking about moving on lol.

Big red flag: Why are you asking a video game forum about birth control?
 

rofif

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My wife is on pill for 10 years. Everything is fine. Just need a correct type for each person...

Anyway big red flag the long distance
 
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BigBooper

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Well, the birth control is disrupting the natural processes of the body and manipulates the chemical productions in her body. Yep, that can have unintended effects.

It's damaging the healthy physical function of her body for the sake of convenience. Not meaning to guilt trip, just to show it's worth thinking about.
 

epicnemesis

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We took my wife off of the pill because it really fucked with her mental state. Everyone is different and you won’t know without trying. Communication, as in all things, is key.

I was eventually the one who said “you have changed, I think it’s the pill, it’s not worth it.” That conversation doesn’t happen if you don’t have a relationship that can handle frank tough conversations.
 
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Well, the birth control is disrupting the natural processes of the body and manipulates the chemical productions in her body. Yep, that can have unintended effects.

It's damaging the healthy physical function of her body for the sake of convenience. Not meaning to guilt trip, just to show it's worth thinking about.

Yup. Pull-out method works just fine most of the time.
 

Maiden Voyage

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If it's an option, IUD has what I've heard the best things of from women in my life. The wife has one now & is the only type of birth control that doesn't fuck her shit up.
 
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Punished Miku

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Go with whatever methods last longer with less room for user error. Depo shot, arm implant or IUD. Last place should be the pill, which requires daily commitment and can be subject to user error.

If there are other mental health side effects, luckily you guys are long distance :messenger_sunglasses:. Really no way to know in advance until she tries it and finds out what she prefers. All you can really do is just ask how she's feeling and listen, and be supportive. It's up to her what med she thinks helps with less side effects.
 
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arkhamguy123

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Big red flag: Why are you asking a video game forum about birth control?
Not really. The absurdity wasnt lost on me but people on reddit were slow to reply so i was like fuck it. Plus this is the off topic section and I've seen way more crazy shit posted here than this. In addition, theres a lot of really bright people on here with more life experience than me so I didnt really see a problem.
 

IDKFA

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I use the pull out method for 15 years with my wife. Hasn't failed me yet. We do have one son, but that was planned.

As long as you know when your GF's ovulation date is, and you pull out a few seconds before exploding, you're pretty much golden.

Some studies if suggest that if done correctly, the pull out method is actually more effective than condoms.
 

SireSmogMurk

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I use the pull out method for 15 years with my wife. Hasn't failed me yet. We do have one son, but that was planned.

--> As long as you know when your GF's ovulation date is, and you pull out a few seconds before exploding, you're pretty much golden.

--> Some studies if suggest that if done correctly, the pull out method is actually more effective than condoms.
:messenger_fearful:

--> *DO NOT* take this advice.
--> *DO NOT* listen to this study.
 

6502

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You should also carry a durex on you just in case. I am sure she will be supportive.

Seriously mate, keep shagging her if u want but it is time to ease yourself off her emotionally and start looking for another yourself. Oh and suit up cuz some of that nasty smeggy disco seamen is gonna be in there on your next visit.

Also when it fails (drink, illness, forgetting are all risks) you could end up raising or paying to terminate another guys shit baby. Durex up and she will have to deal with pregnancy herself instead of you having the cost or worse mental breakdown.

Dont be a fool.

Advice from previous fool.
 
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Vestal

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Don’t read too much into the pill stuff. Is your girlfriend regular? My wife had to be on the pill in the past because she was very irregular and used to go 1-2 months without a period and when it came “WATCH THE FUCK OUT”.

Every persons body chemistry is different and it’s trial and error with the different pregnancy pills. But they are not just meant for birth control they are also used to regulated a woman’s cycle.
 

IDKFA

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:messenger_fearful:

--> *DO NOT* take this advice.
--> *DO NOT* listen to this study.

A woman only releases an egg once a month. The egg then only lasts between 12 and 24 hours. That's the window you have at getting pregnant. Pretty small window right?

In fact, getting a woman pregnant is actually not easy. Even if you're trying to have a baby, the chances of you getting a woman pregnant is around 20%.

Yes, pull out is very effective. If done correctly (not at the very last second) then it is more effective than putting a helmet on the little man.

It's not for everyone. You need to have control and know your body, so you know when you're about to cum. But if you can master it, then it's the best way IMO.

15 years and no accidents yet!
 
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Doczu

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It won't destroy your relationship at all.

HOWEVER!!

My wife when i met her was on birth control and she was a bit sasy about my fits of anger, my short temper and how i was (sometimes) impulsive. Not agressive, nothing bad towards her. She just liked me more when i was calm and meek.
But when she got off the pill she really started digging my behaviour, was a real turn-on for her.
Read about it, the pill does change how women perceive men and what they like in us.
 
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Dr.Guru of Peru

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There are a lot of reasons to go on the pill beyond contraception. Anyways, you should stop worrying about something that isn't your decision.
 
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arkhamguy123

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There are a lot of reasons to go on the pill beyond contraception. Anyways, you should stop worrying about something that isn't your decision.
Well she's doing it for me so I mean I'm not being the psycho controlling bf here. And It's her decision but that doesn't mean I can't express my anxieties and discontent about it.
 

arkhamguy123

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It won't destroy your relationship at all.

HOWEVER!!

My wife when i met her was on birth control and she was a bit sasy about my fits of anger, my short temper and how i was (sometimes) impulsive. Not agressive, nothing bad towards her. She just liked me more when i was calm and meek.
But when she got off the pill she really started digging my behaviour, was a real turn-on for her.
Read about it, the pill does change how women perceive men and what they like in us.
I did read about this. Yeah see I don't know if Id wanna risk that. We got a great thing goin I really don't wanna change anything.
 

SpiceRacz

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Just make sure she's not going there with other dudes.
 
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arkhamguy123

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OP does long distance, with a woman he met on a dating site for the once a month he'll get to see her she goes on birth control.

Nothing could go wrong here.
Overlooking the slightly creepy post stalking from November, screenshooting of my post, editing the screenshot, and presenting it. That was posted about 3 months before I met her and we did not meet on a dating app.
 
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arkhamguy123

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We took my wife off of the pill because it really fucked with her mental state. Everyone is different and you won’t know without trying. Communication, as in all things, is key.

I was eventually the one who said “you have changed, I think it’s the pill, it’s not worth it.” That conversation doesn’t happen if you don’t have a relationship that can handle frank tough conversations.
This is exactly what I'm worried about man. :/
 

K' Dash

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Just to let you know OP, the pill doesn't always work, my wife took it for years and long story short: my daughter will be born the day after tomorrow.

Also, like the poster above said, the pill can affect women in many different ways, you may need to try different pills until you find the right one for your GF. A few years ago I had a GF that completely lost her libido, when she stopped taking it everything was back to normal, then tried another pill and it was mostly OK.

If you want guilt free sex, get a vasectomy.
 
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Cyberpunkd

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Just to let you know OP, the pill doesn't always work, my wife took it for years and long story short: my daughter will be born the day after tomorrow.
Fucking congrats man. It’s going to be hell, but as a reward someone will be there when you will die - if you think about it that’s all that matters. Plus you will leave something behind.
 

Dural

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I use the pull out method for 15 years with my wife. Hasn't failed me yet. We do have one son, but that was planned.

As long as you know when your GF's ovulation date is, and you pull out a few seconds before exploding, you're pretty much golden.

Some studies if suggest that if done correctly, the pull out method is actually more effective than condoms.

My wife had a professor that was a Nurse and she swore by this method as well. She hated the birth control that messed with women's hormones and told the class the best method is the rhythm method, learning your cycle and just avoiding sex during ovulation.

If she does go on birth control that messes with hormones, realize that if you ever want kids together it will likely be extremely difficult and take years once she's off of them. IUD, imo, is the best bet but that too has it's side effects like abnormal cell growth. Of course that should be checked for every year so it's not too big of a deal and it doesn't mess with hormones. My wife had an IUD and ended up pulling it out after a couple years, she was pregnant before her next period. I swear it leaves the uterus wide open after being removed.
 
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OP, those drugs are filled with hormones. They WILL affect her, to what degree is the question. Some have subtle changes that they might not even attribute to the pill but they are probably there plus theres a bunch of other side effects that are no good (higher risk of blood clots). I would have her consider the non hormonal IUD instead.
 
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StormCell

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I'll be blunt with my opinion on the birth control pill: it's not a good thing. Doctors push it hard on every female patient they see. My wife wasn't on it when I met her, and I've seen multiple doctors, since then, try really hard to push it on her. She went on it for a short while and came right back off of it. It has far too many undesirable side effects for her. I really don't blame any girl who decides she doesn't want it.

Frankly, I find the name of the thing to be a bit misleading as what it really does is attempt to bring regularity to the woman's cycle. For women with highly unpredictable cycles I can see a benefit. And here is where I already see straight through to the problem of the plan in the OP. "Oooh, she's on birth control. I can get away without using a condom now." Well, OP, you could just use the week or however many days after she's off her period for that. Very much probably don't need a pill for that. And IIRC from when my wife and I read up on this thing, birth control does not mean she can't get pregnant, so...

And from what I've heard, most of the accidental conceptions that occur happen when a woman is extremely ready to get it on -- I mean that is without a doubt the first and the most obvious sign that a girl is in that window of fertility. If you're with a lady and she suddenly seems very forward about turning the party up a notch and it's just the two of you, probably a big red flag if any other night she would wait for you to make the move.
 
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K' Dash

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Fucking congrats man. It’s going to be hell, but as a reward someone will be there when you will die - if you think about it that’s all that matters. Plus you will leave something behind.

I'm scared, anxious and excited, thanks man.
 

EviLore

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Just to let you know OP, the pill doesn't always work, my wife took it for years and long story short: my daughter will be born the day after tomorrow.
Congrats and good luck!
 
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Having such a high percentage of women take a hormonal supplement which completely screws up their normal biological desires and functions is one of the most insane things about our era. Surely a great deal of current confusion over sex is directly related to this shift over the past century.

But anyhow, I appreciate the post above about using natural cycles for birth control... in the context of marriage. I think some of those reacting to it missed the part about it being his wife, where it makes perfect sense. I would not, however, suggest that you start sleeping around and using natural techniques. Perhaps consider not doing things that could impregnate a woman at all until the two of you are committed for life, but what do I know.
 
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poppabk

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Well, the birth control is disrupting the natural processes of the body and manipulates the chemical productions in her body. Yep, that can have unintended effects.

It's damaging the healthy physical function of her body for the sake of convenience. Not meaning to guilt trip, just to show it's worth thinking about.
Humans are pretty messed up when it comes to our reproduction anyway. Most animals don't menstruate as it a waste to eject half a cup of blood packed with nutrient rich chunks every month. It is hypothesized that menstruation evolved to kill a sub-optimal fetus, because human fetuses are particularly 'aggressive' and burrow into the uterus lining. Defective fetuses are more common as fertilization can occur over a longer time than with animals that go on heat. Humans In 'natural reproduction' societies (ie no contraception) a woman getting her period is rare as they spend most of their time pregnant or nursing.
 

jshackles

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If you want guilt free sex, get a vasectomy.
This is the only real answer OP. This is the kind of thing you take into your own hands - when you're young, wrap your dick. Every time. Even if your girl is on birth control, or tells you she is.

After you have kids, or when you're married and old / mature enough to decide you'll never want them, get a vasectomy. Keep in mind, this just prevents pregnancies - you'll still want to wear a condom if you're with a stranger who may have diseases. But other than that, knowing you won't have any big life surprises is worth the hassle of getting snipped.
 
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haxan7

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OP, birth control side effects are for her to worry about, not you.

I think the first step to making your long distance relationship work is to show her this thread, especially the part where you're worried she won't be as sexual around you anymore. Trust me.
 
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OP comes off as very green in the dating world. All I can say is that it is totally her choice in deciding what protection she wants and you are free to choose the protection you want as well. You should always pull out even if she is on the pill and good luck to you with that long distance dating arrangement.
 

haxan7

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OP comes off as very green in the dating world. All I can say is that it is totally her choice in deciding what protection she wants and you are free to choose the protection you want as well. You should always pull out even if she is on the pill and good luck to you with that long distance dating arrangement.
SAY WHAT. If you can't drop it off inside why even bother with birth control.
 
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