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Black History Month: The first time I realized I was black.

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leroidys

Member
So I'm white AF, and grew up in an overwhelmingly white area of the US, but I have an anecdote about the first time that I realized color was an issue beyond just physical appearance.

In kindergarten I only had one of those 8-color crayola packs as part of my school supplies because my parents were cheap. I loved to draw, and since I had no "peach" or "tan" or whatever crayon, I drew all my people with black or brown because, hey, as a 5 year old I knew that people can be those colors too.

A few weeks into the school year, the teacher pulled me aside during one activity and asked why I only drew black people. I gave her my straightforward explanation but she kept staring at me like I was full of shit and in trouble. I still don't have any idea what she was thinking, but after that I knew that different skin tones made some adults act super weird.


Thanks for sharing your stories so far, other posters.
 
So I'm white AF, and grew up in an overwhelmingly white area of the US, but I have an anecdote about the first time that I realized color was an issue beyond just physical appearance.

In kindergarten I only had one of those 8-color crayola packs as part of my school supplies because my parents were cheap. I loved to draw, and since I had no "peach" or "tan" or whatever crayon, I drew all my people with black or brown because, hey, as a 5 year old I knew that people can be those colors too.

A few weeks into the school year, the teacher pulled me aside during one activity and asked why I only drew black people. I gave her my straightforward explanation but she kept staring at me like I was full of shit and in trouble. I still don't have idea what she was thinking, but after that I knew that different skin tones made some adults act super weird.

Sorta relatable, but the first time I ever became aware of race was in kindergarten in recess and we're all playing together and one white girl that's playing with us asks me what color am I? Having never pondered this question before, I look at my skin tone and tell her I'm Tan. She appeared satisfied with my answer and we go back playing together.

Later that day at dinner, my parents ask me how my day went and I innocently tell them the story. Now bear in mind that my father was a Black militant that just came out of the Black Power movement of the 70's and he goes on this rant on how I'm Black and I need to embrace that fact and don't think I'm any better because I'm light skin because these White folks still think you a nigger, and how I need to date the Blackest woman I can find because my kids need color, and on and on.....

I honestly had no idea what the fuck he was talking about, and just remember my mom pulling me aside afterward and telling me how I can marry whoever I want and not to judge a book by it's cover...

It honestly was too much for my 5-year-old brain could take in one day. LOL
 

leroidys

Member
Sorta relatable, but the first time I ever became aware of race was in kindergarten in recess and we're all playing together and one white girl that's playing with us asks me what color am I? Having never pondered this question before, I look at my skin tone and tell her I'm Tan. She appeared satisfied with my answer and we go back playing together.

Later that day at dinner, my parents ask me how my day went and I innocently tell them the story. Now bear in mind that my father was a Black militant that just came out of the Black Power movement of the 70's and he goes on this rant on how I'm Black and I need to embrace that fact and don't think I'm any better because I'm light skin because these White folks still think you a nigger, and how I need to date the Blackest woman I can find because my kids need color, and on and on.....

I honestly had no idea what the fuck he was talking about, and just remember my mom pulling me aside afterward and telling me how I can marry whoever I want and not to judge a book by it's cover...

It honestly was too much for my 5-year-old brain could take in one day. LOL

Man, seriously.
 

roknin

Member
I was ten years old, walking to the comic shop and a couple people in a truck yelled out, "Get off the sidewalks, nigger."

Though I was aware that I was black and what that entailed at a young age as my family made sure to teach me, it sunk in when I had a similar experience.

Me and my older cousin were outside in my driveway playing basketball in the suburbs, when a black car filled with dudes rolled by and yelled "go back to Africa niggers!"

That was in 92; I was twelve.

I was more pissed than anything, though.

Funny enough, I don't think they were even white - they might have been of Arabic descent.
 
Punk ass White kids in early grade school coming at me on some "lemme touch your hair" and "why are your palms white?" shit.
Bitch, cause I was made that way. And yo hair smells like a wet poodle.
 

roknin

Member
Punk ass White kids in early grade school coming at me on some "lemme touch your hair" and "why are your palms white?" shit.
Bitch, cause I was made that way. And yo hair smells like a wet poodle.

I've taught myself to "grin and bear" the "can I touch your hair" requests over the years (since I have locs, I know people are just fascinated by them) but whenever someone does, I feel like a little piece of my soul dies.

That one scene in Zootopia had me crying laughing, and at the same time inner me was like "DAMN that hits home" lol
 

RRockman

Banned
Wow, I'm sorry you all had a real bad experience with racists. The earliest I can remember thinking about my race was like when I was like 5 and was asking my mom "Why do they call us black? We're Brown."

you'd think growing up in Indiana I would have like actually bad experiences but I don't have any. There is a house down the street from us that does have a confederate flag up but I have never seen the inhabitants come out or even do anything.
 

Geist-

Member
Let me say one more time:
http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2017/02/us/first-time-i-realized-i-was-black/

Watch this. It's where the idea for the thread came from.

I shared this with my mom and she told me about hers:

When she was a little girl, like many little girls she was thrilled by the Miss America pageants. She expressed to her mother (my grandma) how much she would love to be in the pageant when she was older. My grandma explained to her that the Miss America pageant wasn't for people like us, just white folks. Keep in mind that this was in the fifties and first black winner Vanessa Williams wouldn't be crowned until 1983. It's also worth noting that she was forced to resign when Penthouse magazine published unauthorized nude photographs of her near the end of her reign.

I'm just so...angry, and sad, and depressed after watching that. The hardest part is that as much as that affects me, I could show every video to my family and they would think these were all actors pushing some liberal agenda. I feel like bashing my head against a wall.
 

PKrockin

Member
I'm white, so I've really got nothing to share on this front, but thanks to everyone else for sharing.

Pretty sad that I hesitated to share this with my family's Facebook Messenger chat because I'm pretty sure it's going to "start something" about how black people should just stop whining about racism. The incredulous, instantly dismissive reaction I get from some of my family whenever I bring race up is pretty amazing. But if their privilege triggers them that's too bad, I shouldn't have to help hide prejudice.
 

Eylos

Banned
If its OK i Will share a story about xenophobia, i'm latin american white, but the first time i felt real life xenophobia was with an American i Think i was 9 or 10, i was a rural kid never seen a foreigner so the first time i Saw one, i was impressed, my friend who understand english at the time, Said to leave the Guy alone, he was insulting our country and us kids for being latin Americans.
 
I'm white, so I've really got nothing to share on this front, but thanks to everyone else for sharing.

Pretty sad that I hesitated to share this with my family's Facebook Messenger chat because I'm pretty sure it's going to "start something" about how black people should just stop whining about racism. The incredulous, instantly dismissive reaction I get from some of my family whenever I bring race up is pretty amazing. But if their privilege triggers them that's too bad, I shouldn't have to help hide prejudice.

eh do it anyway just b/c
 

karasu

Member
I knew I was black since I was two or something. No surprises there. The first time I found out that meant I was something different was in the first grade when I went to my white friend Gene's house and the family had a pet black rabbit named Nigger. His dad thought it was hilarious. I was dumbstruck.
 
I don't want to intrude with my story but it might give some perspective on racism from young white peers. I am not American though so I can't relate on that level

One of the most shameful things I did as a kid was pick on a black kid at school. I was about 6-7 and he was fairly new to the school and country. He was from Bangladesh and very dark so he stood out. I ended up following along with a crowd of group bullying, which was mainly name calling about his skin colour. This was a mostly white school in Australia with some indigenous and islanders, Im sure I had some concept of race at that point but as a child it felt like the sort of ribbing we all gave each other and a bit of new guy hazing. I was completely unaware of the level of hurt and alienation I was causing

But eventually he blew up and in tears he expressed everything that was wrong with what we were saying. When it was expressed I could see everything wrong with what I and others were doing and I still feel that pit of guilt and shame in my stomach. I think the bullying completely stopped at that point, at least from me, I never said anything like that again. He became one of the most beloved guys in school and a very good friend so I can only hope it did.

If today's version of me could see myself doing that I would slap the 7 year old version of me silly.

The ironic thing is I grew up with all my friends being Samoan and Maori kids with dark or brown skin, and being the only white kid I wanted nothing more than to be like them.
 

Zakalwe

Banned
Bit late for valentines, but still:

Roses are red
Racism/white privlige/bigotry is true
I want to help
Deconstruct it with you

Thanks for sharing OP, know that there are white folk standing beside you, some of us are even ready to jump in front if need be.
 
I'll never forget it.

Grew up in Louisiana dated slurs were still regularly used, school was definitely still practicing segregation in the same classrooms. Coloreds sat in the back. But I was light complexion, loose curly hair. As far as I was concerned, I was mixed. so unless I opened up my mouth and said something they thought I was white and I sat with the white kids. I was told to keep my mouth shut cause I wasn't supposed to be in the school anyway, as it wasn't my neighborhood school. So I never corrected anyone and white passed.

I kept to myself, but got along with the only two other black kids and shared the notes the white kids got. Eventually I got in trouble after getting in a fight because one of my friends was getting jumped at recess. Shit hit the fan and I started getting jumped, we were basically out numbered. One white kid kept yelling "hes a paper bag (creole)/mutt".

My homeroom teacher let them hit on us, she watched. Then when a different homeroom teacher came out he pulled the white kid off me. She real talk pulled me to the side with her finger in my face and asked me if I was mixed??? Not thinking at the moment I said yes. She says "You ain't special, think you're so smart, but you ain't no different from what a house nigger was. Now get in there and go to the principal before I get one of these boys to escort you".

The principal restrained me for no reason but for crying and pacing uncontrollably because I thought I was going to get in trouble with my dad. My dad was not having it and was livid at the school. After a long shouting and pushing, threatening of life and to be arrested, my parents were fined, my friend and I got expelled, which went on record.

The drive home was me expecting to get punished. My dad waited for my mom to get home. They sat down with me and explained what happened. My mom is Afro mexican, did most of the talking. I was told regardless of being mixed, regardless of my complexion, I am black, I will always be considered black and I should be proud of it.

I love New Orleans but I'm glad I got out. The place was toxic and as modern as the world became its like shit was still the same. Sad part is when we moved to Cali it wasn't any different, when I got sent to Vancouver it wasn't any different. My life was a constant "don't forget you're black." until my money was white enough. But now you can't fool me.
 
Punk ass White kids in early grade school coming at me on some "lemme touch your hair" and "why are your palms white?" shit.
Bitch, cause I was made that way. And yo hair smells like a wet poodle.
LOL! I forgot about "why are your palms white?". It's from all that time having my hands up against the wall or on a police car, rest of my body tanned up.
Whoo. My mom told me to keep my hands out of my pockets too in stores. Did your mama also tell you to always get a bag when buy something from the store?
She didn't but I just started doing that on my own.
 
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