Calling j-gaffers! Need some japanese jokes for a school presentation tomorrow

[Jupiter_Shrooms]

So I'm in 3rd year Japanese at a university, and tomorrow is the presentation of the semester. I have to debate with another group about environmental problems. Is it the individual's responsibilities, or is it the company's? Unfortunately, I have the unpopular opinion of it being the company's responsibility (it's really easy to say, everyone's responsible and we should all work together towards a better tomorrow).

With that in mind, after we read our presentations (which is no problem) comes the live debate portion (there's the problem). My partner and I both suck　(really suck) at speaking japanese, and coming up with rebuttals on the fly is going to be hard. Luckily she's charismatic (sorta) and I'm known to make silly answers in class, and I'm on good terms with the teachers since I visit their office hours regularly. So, throwing a few jokes to dodge hard questions wouldn't be out of character, and I can pull it off.

I have this so far. In response to a validly good point or question, I plan on saying.
いい質問ですね。。。　今までそのことをよく考えなかった。。。多分。。。賛成します？

Also, I'm thinking of the phrase "can't someone else do it?" from simpsons, but I don't quite know how that would translate to japanese.

So with that in mind, anyone have any good jokes or canned phrases I can use?

 

[Mistouze]

something something BUKAKE something something

 

[rykomatsu]

dunno if this is along the lines of what you might be looking for, but i generally find it funny when someone just completely ignores another person's question without batting an eye. ie being "through'd" (スルーされ&#12383

 

[thetrin]

Hit someone on the head a few times and make loud noises. That's a pretty good example of Japanese humor.

 

[AmMortal]

Try to stand on your head, with a huge exlamation mark or two above your body, approximately 1.5 feet away from your feet.

Of course, you could also give yourself a bleeding nose

 

[Shouta]

tsukkomi them for saying/doing something stupid!

 

[Tieno]

After you fuck up your presentation say "MESO SOLLY!!"

 

[RadioHeadAche]

Hit someone on the head a few times and make loud noises. That's a pretty good example of Japanese humor.

The same could be said for American humor.

 

[Hitokage]

Puns. The lamer the better.

 

[marvelharvey]

Write this on the board and ask what it is:
木　
Everyone will say "き"

Then write this on the board and ask what it is:
木木　
Everyone will say "はやし"

Then write this on the board and ask what it is:
木
木木　
Everyone will say "もり"

Then write this on the board and ask what it is:
木
木木
木木木
Everyone will go "eh?" and you can give them a clue by saying "It's a place in Tokyo" If nobody gets it, just tell them the answer, ろっぽんぎ、at which point, they should laugh.

 

[AmMortal]

Write this on the board and ask what it is:
木　
Everyone will say "き"

Then write this on the board and ask what it is:
木木　
Everyone will say "はやし"

Then write this on the board and ask what it is:
木
木木　
Everyone will say "もり"

Then write this on the board and ask what it is:
木
木木
木木木
Everyone will go "eh?" and you can give them a clue by saying "It's a place in Tokyo" If nobody gets it, just tell them the answer, ろっぽんぎ、at which point, they should laugh.

wat? :lol

Spoiler

We don't understand japanese

 

[Mik2121]

wat? :lol

Spoiler

We don't understand japanese

The first kanji 木 reads "ki" (tree)
The second one 林　reads "hayashi" (woods/forest) and is just two of the first kanji put together
The third one is 森 reads "mori" (forest, but bigger than the other one) and is just three of the first kanji put together.

However the fourth one doesn't exist, because it's just 6 of the first kanji all together,　and there's a place in Tokyo called Roppongi, which means "6 trees".

Though it's a quite played joke and probably a lot of people will get it, and most of the people will go "OOOOOOOOOOLDDDDDDD" in their minds and not laugh or just laugh a bit to be polite.

 

[AmMortal]

The first kanji 木 reads "ki" (tree)
The second one 林　reads "hayashi" (woods/forest) and is just two of the first kanji put together
The third one is 森 reads "mori" (forest, but bigger than the other one) and is just three of the first kanji put together.

However the fourth one doesn't exist, because it's just 6 of the first kanji all together,　and there's a place in Tokyo called Roppongi, which means "6 trees".

Oh, thanks xD

 

[ghst]

After you fuck up your presentation say "MESO SOLLY!!"

i was thinking along the lines of just doing the eye-stretch thing and rolling off as many racial faux pas as you could while imitating the opposing team in an 8th grade retard voice with an obnoxiously bad accent.

teach will be in tears.

 

[way more]

You want to repeat jokes in a language you don't fully full understand?

Yeah, that should go over real well.

 

[LiveFromKyoto]

You want to repeat jokes in a language you don't fully full understand?

Yeah, that should go over real well.

 

[LiveFromKyoto]

Also, if you want to be really funny, get a guy to do something dumb then hit him on the head and say ”欧米だ！”　　This joke is endlessly hilarious and can be used over and over and over until you are rich and famous.

 

[agrajag]

Just go up there and say "Desu!" repeatedly.

 

[plovie]

Leer like a pervert at a bunch of annoying, tittering Japanese girls.

 

[clav]

On a serious note, just say something really silly and illogical if you want people to laugh. That's how it worked for me in Japanese 2.

 

[plovie]

After you fuck up your presentation say "MESO SOLLY!!"

And ME RIKEY FLIED LICE

People will think you're a genius

 

[Gomu Gomu]

at least I think it's funny.

 

[Mik2121]

And ME RIKEY FLIED LICE

People will think you're a genius

Are you aware Japanese people CAN pronounce the R?


In fact, in your phrase you mixed two completely different things... retard.

 

[sprsk]

And ME RIKEY FLIED LICE

People will think you're a genius

I think most people at least in this thread probably just think you're a racist.

 

[Mik2121]

I think most people at least in this thread probably just think you're a racist.

?

That makes no sense.

edit- wops sorry, i thought you also quoted me (I'm used to multi-quoting on other boards and didn't notice you only quoted him).

 

[sprsk]

?

That makes no sense.

O ME SO SOLLY! I TLY MAKE SENSE NEXT TIME!

 

[Tieno]

?

That makes no sense.

sp0rsk takes it seriously when people make fun of his newfound homeland.

 

[sprsk]

sp0rsk takes it seriously when people make fun of his newfound homeland.

Yes, its not like my fiancee is Japanese or anything. It's definitely my new found homeland.

 

[Mik2121]

sp0rsk takes it seriously when people make fun of his newfound homeland.

fvsdfkgljsdflgkjsdfklgjsdljslkdjgsk




SORRY I MISREAD EVERYTHING SINCE THE LAST COMMENT. SORRY SP0RK ROFL

 

[Tieno]

Yes, its not like my fiancee is Japanese or anything. It's definitely my new found homeland.

What did I say?

 

[Mik2121]

＼(゜ロ&#65340(／ロ&#12444／

 

[Blackace]

Write this on the board and ask what it is:
木　
Everyone will say "き"

Then write this on the board and ask what it is:
木木　
Everyone will say "はやし"

Then write this on the board and ask what it is:
木
木木　
Everyone will say "もり"

Then write this on the board and ask what it is:
木
木木
木木木
Everyone will go "eh?" and you can give them a clue by saying "It's a place in Tokyo" If nobody gets it, just tell them the answer, ろっぽんぎ、at which point, they should laugh.

that has to be the lamest joke ever.. I now understand the Japanese term "American Joke"

 

[Blackace]

After you fuck up your presentation say "MESO SOLLY!!"

someone has been watching Tokio Rose again.. silly kids..

 

[Mik2121]

that has to be the lamest joke ever.. I now understand the Japanese term "American Joke"

Even though that joke wasn't made by an American, but some Japanese? Heh.. ^^

 

[Blackace]

Even though that joke wasn't made by an American, but some Japanese? Heh.. ^^

Doesn't matter who made.. heh.. they say it when they make a joke and nobody laughs heh..

if you are older you can say oyaji gag instead... heh..

 

[Mik2121]

Doesn't matter who made.. heh.. they say it when they make a joke and nobody laughs heh..

if you are older you can say oyaji gag instead... heh..

I see, heh...


(I have yet to hear anyone saying 'American Joke' when nobody laughs, they usually just say 「すべったな・・」「はっー」「ってか・・面白くねぇやん」 or things like that)

 

[Cheesemeister]

どこへ行きますか。
稚内（わっかない）。
ええ？目的地が分からない？
目的地が分かる。稚内。
あれ？！何で答えない？！
稚内。
分かるでしょう！
分かる。稚内。
どっち？！
北海道稚内市。

 

[Mik2121]

どこへ行きますか。
稚内（わっかない）。
ええ？目的地が分からない？
目的地が分かる。稚内。
あれ？！何で答えない？！
稚内。
分かるでしょう！
分かる。稚内。
どっち？！
北海道稚内市。

はーっ


That's like when a friend of me got asked by a teacher about what line did he took to go to class, and he said 知りません,　everybody got incredibly quiet at that moment and another friend and me started laughing... even though it was just so lame... r_r

 

[Hitokage]

どこへ行きますか。
稚内（わっかない）。
ええ？目的地が分からない？
目的地が分かる。稚内。
あれ？！何で答えない？！
稚内。
分かるでしょう！
分かる。稚内。
どっち？！
北海道稚内市。

"Who is the band on stage?" "Who." is better.

 

[marvelharvey]

On the topic of American jokes, did anyone catch Arrested Development when it briefly aired on Japanese cable a few years back? How on earth anyone translated the multilayered, double entendre and cultural reference humour, I'll never know. Would love to have read the subtitles.

"Who is the band on stage?" "Who." is better.

Man I loved that routine

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=39xNlnmNLf4

 

[NekoFever]

Would you like some shit

Spoiler

ake mushrooms

?

 

[Mik2121]

Would you like some shit

Spoiler

ake mushrooms

?

No but I would not mind some bukkake

Spoiler

ramen (yes, there's a ramen called bukkake, and I don't even wanna try it, even though it's supposed to be normal)

 

[I AM JOHN!]

After you fuck up your presentation say "MESO SOLLY!!"

I laughed.

 

[AbortedWalrusFetus]

if you are older you can say oyaji gag instead... heh..

I've always liked that the "dad joke" thing was multicultural. What I don't like is that most of my jokes fall into this category.

 

[Hitman]

After you fuck up your presentation say "MESO SOLLY!!"

:lol

 

[Brofist]

The first kanji 木 reads "ki" (tree)
The second one 林　reads "hayashi" (woods/forest) and is just two of the first kanji put together
The third one is 森 reads "mori" (forest, but bigger than the other one) and is just three of the first kanji put together.

However the fourth one doesn't exist, because it's just 6 of the first kanji all together,　and there's a place in Tokyo called Roppongi, which means "6 trees".

Though it's a quite played joke and probably a lot of people will get it, and most of the people will go "OOOOOOOOOOLDDDDDDD" in their minds and not laugh or just laugh a bit to be polite.

I don't think a random 3rd year Uni Japanese class will take that as an old joke. In fact they probably wouldn't even get it because they probably wouldn't even know the kanji for Roppongi.

And there are 3 characters in the kanji for Roppongi, not just 6 and trees btw.

 

[zoku88]

that has to be the lamest joke ever.. I now understand the Japanese term "American Joke"

I thought it was kinda cute T_T

 

[HisshouBuraiKen]

roppongi

 

[JimtotheHum]

did you rike it?

 

[flintstryker]

carry them on a field trip and rape the Tokyo tower until it lights up just before it starts raining.