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Clint Malarchuk Bleeding out (must read - mental health issues)

Malakhov

Gold Member
Jun 6, 2004
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I read this yesterday and thought I'd share this, a very good point of view from someone who suffered mental health issues.

First of all, since it will be mentionned in the article, start by watching this: (WARNING! very graphic injury)

The injury

And here is the letter, I will quote the opening and then link to the rest.

I know there might be a bullet in the rifle, but I press it against my chin anyway.

I don’t care.

I’m drunk as hell.

Coors Light. In the cans. Twenty down the hatch, maybe even 25 by this point in the afternoon.

My wife, Joanie, had needed a break from all the chaos that was going on — a quiet evening to gather her own thoughts and get some rest — so she spent the night with friends. But my brain keeps telling me she was with another man. Over and over and over again that thought clangs around in my brain. Each beer is like a pause button for my head. But the pauses don’t last long enough. So I figured I’d try something else. I decided to go out onto our ranch and shoot at some cans — head spinning all the while.

When Joanie gets home I’m just sitting on a bench behind our barn, screaming about who knows what.

I see her, and I look her in the eye, and then I reach for that rifle. With it pushing so hard against my jaw that it tilts my head upward, I yell some more.

“This is what I would love to do! This would solve everything.”

She’s sobbing. I keep going.

“You don’t know what it’s like to live with my brain. Everything would be so much better if I could just turn off my head. It would be so much easier on everyone.”

I’m staring Joanie dead in the eye when I say that, and then I just….

Pull the trigger.

I don’t feel anything after that.

It turns out that there is a bullet in the gun. And now it’s headed right for my brain — the brain that, over the course of 47 years, had proven to be among my worst enemies.

That bullet is directly on course to turn off my head.

For good.
Full letter
 
Last edited:

God Enel

Member
Mar 26, 2011
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Thanks for sharing. It’s a great read. I never knew who this person was but it’s kinda crazy how he got back after this injury in ten days and then in the off season everything kicked in, what happened to him and dragged him down, ie when he had the time to process everything.
 

Malakhov

Gold Member
Jun 6, 2004
6,808
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Thanks for sharing. It’s a great read. I never knew who this person was but it’s kinda crazy how he got back after this injury in ten days and then in the off season everything kicked in, what happened to him and dragged him down, ie when he had the time to process everything.
Yeahwhen he finally was off the adrenaline and the season was over then he came crushing down.

It's a very touching story.
 

PKM

Member
Oct 11, 2017
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Offtopic...but...

I Have a skate T-shirt that has the picture of the slit throat incident and below it says "Protect your Neck" (like the Wu-Tang song)
 

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
May 9, 2016
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I’m not up for clicking that link at the moment. But I googled the guy and it’s interesting to note that he’s the same hockey player who dramatically had his carotid artery sliced open by an ice skate blade, and was only saved because someone on the field was a medic in Vietnam and he knew to reach inside the guy’s throat and put pressure on his jugular.
 

Raynes

Member
Feb 10, 2011
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Thank you for posting this, so interesting. I want to know more about that last incident where he just fucking shot himself in the head and survived. "I never passed out or lost consciousness after I shot myself in the face." that's a funny ass line right there...not only did he survive, but was conscious through the whole ordeal..???? And I want to know more about his fucking wife and the PTSD he gave her by seeing her husband with bullet in his head and him blaming her after right after trying to kill himself... What impact did that have on her and how did she recover and why did they stay together after that? The man also looks ridiculously good for being 57...and you know surviving a slit throat and gunshot wound to the head.
 

Malakhov

Gold Member
Jun 6, 2004
6,808
664
1,725
Thank you for posting this, so interesting. I want to know more about that last incident where he just fucking shot himself in the head and survived. "I never passed out or lost consciousness after I shot myself in the face." that's a funny ass line right there...not only did he survive, but was conscious through the whole ordeal..???? And I want to know more about his fucking wife and the PTSD he gave her by seeing her husband with bullet in his head and him blaming her after right after trying to kill himself... What impact did that have on her and how did she recover and why did they stay together after that? The man also looks ridiculously good for being 57...and you know surviving a slit throat and gunshot wound to the head.
Well I doubt her wife took that seriously as hurtful as it sounds, since she probably knew deep inside it wasnt really him saying that and he was in a very troubled state.

She is incredible though, she stayed with him all that time, even when her friends and family were telling her to bail out since it was dangerous for her.