Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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last week i slept with a girl i used to date a year ago, she's a friend but it's nothing serious...

thing is, i feel like i have no motivation to date at all now, online dating feels utterly pointless right now. this plus I had a date with a girl online a month ago but it led to nowhere, she said she'd meet me again in a text, I've said yes but no news since. I feel like shit, i really don't want to go through the whole grueling process of finding someone online all over again.

I'm just in the shits even though i had sex last week, can you believe it? maybe i have feelings for my friends (a long term relationship seems out of the question)

edit: okcupid really is depressing to me, none of those profiles interest me, like at all.
 
last week i slept with a girl i used to date a year ago, she's a friend but it's nothing serious...

thing is, i feel like i have no motivation to date at all now, online dating feels utterly pointless right now. this plus I had a date with a girl online a month ago but it led to nowhere, she said she'd meet me again in a text, I've said yes but no news since. I feel like shit, i really don't want to go through the whole grueling process of finding someone online all over again.

I'm just in the shits even though i had sex last week, can you believe it? maybe i have feelings for my friends (a long term relationship seems out of the question)
I can believe the shits part, not the sex part.

I don't think you even know what you think. Which is something you should resolve.
 
Don't put a lot of effort into first replies imo. Honestly, a simple hi or hey suffices with maybe a question. "Hey, I saw X do you like Y?" gets my interest in like 95% of opening messages.
Relating to the profile does work but just hey or hi I find is not a great plan. I wouldn't suggest that. You don't need to be very clever or witty more so than just say something that stands out. I was reading a dude who makes a weak ass acrostic poem out of the persons name. Gets a lot of success. My friend got mileage out of "what's your third fav reptile".

Like it's not exceptionally hard. Once you get into a groove of the type of messages that work for you it's not an issue.
 
Relating to the profile does work but just hey or hi I find is not a great plan. I wouldn't suggest that. You don't need to be very clever or witty more so than just say something that stands out. I was reading a dude who makes a weak ass acrostic poem out of the persons name. Gets a lot of success. My friend got mileage out of "what's your third fav reptile".

Like it's not exceptionally hard. Once you get into a groove of the type of messages that work for you it's not an issue.
I was just saying what generally (as a girl) gets my interest. I'm not looking for a literary essay, just some first message. (Lesbian/bisexual girls absolutely suck at sending first messages.)
 
vern caught major feels for a girl a while back, around the same time as Zackie actually.
Oh yeah the LDR!
Just spent the weekend in Beijing again with my girl. Shits hard. Long distance. Don't know if I can handle it much longer. I'll be in HK for the next few weeks she said she'll come down for at least a few days. Hope so. I know LDRs don't work, especially for a guy like me, but man I'm trying.
End of an era.
 
I was just saying what generally (as a girl) gets my interest. I'm not looking for a literary essay, just some first message. (Lesbian/bisexual girls absolutely suck at sending first messages.)
Fair enough. Personally hi is enough to get me to respond but I'm a guy lol. In general girls just suck at sending first messages. The ratio on dating apps makes it so they dont have to.

It's kinda dumb though but looking through some of my women friends phones it's just a sea of hey and hi and it became obvious you gotta do something different to stand out
 
I was just saying what generally (as a girl) gets my interest. I'm not looking for a literary essay, just some first message. (Lesbian/bisexual girls absolutely suck at sending first messages.)
I would say based on personal experience, straight girls really suck at first messages too :p

So many hey and hi messages. Incredibly rare for the first message to be about the profile. But if they're good looking and got something interesting in their profile, I still pursue it instead of dismissing them out of sight lol.
 
Fair enough. Personally hi is enough to get me to respond but I'm a guy lol. In general girls just suck at sending first messages. The ratio on dating apps makes it so they dont have to.

It's kinda dumb though but looking through some of my women friends phones it's just a sea of hey and hi and it became obvious you gotta do something different to stand out
Have you tired bumble? I'm trying that out now. I have been using OKC and HER in the past.

I would say based on personal experience, straight girls really suck at first messages too :p

So many hey and hi messages. Incredibly rare for the first message to be about the profile. But if they're good looking and got something interesting in their profile, I still pursue it instead of dismissing them out of sight lol.
Yeah, I send longer messages on OKC, short messages on HER., 50/50 on other sites for me whether I send long or short messages. For myself, I figure I got enough working against me I need to do whatever I can to make myself stand out.
 
Eeeek. Tbh all I had to do was work on my profile and try out a variety of types of responses and when one worked consistently it just gets stashed in the box of usables. I imagine "you must give good head" leads to many convos
Well admittedly i've never used one quite so brazen

But if you do, the key is to make her laugh harder than she cringes. :D

I do not waste energy with first replies, women on dating websites are far too fickle.
 
Have you tired bumble? I'm trying that out now. I have been using OKC and HER in the past.
Yeah. I have much more luck on Tinder. It's a volume thing in part. Tinder is just much more populated in my area.

Well admittedly i've never used one quite so brazen

But if you do, the key is to make her laugh harder than she cringes. :D

I do not waste energy with first replies, women on dating websites are far too fickle.
I dunno. Like I said, I have like 3 standard lines that generally get a response (like 80% success rate). I just had to try a bunch of different things before I got to this point. But now I dont really have an issue keeping interest of the other party. I found the only real issue with communication is when you let it go on for too long without setting up the date.
 
im not gone yet!

Also trolling works surprisingly well.
How gross can i be and still get a date. "we should fuck" then "lol just kidding but maybe coffee" actually worked. I was pretty disappointed it did.
 
I'm pretty sure if we just hooked up the girls in this thread with the guys or whatever your sexuality is, we could cut GAFs single population significantly. Has there ever been two GAFers who met on this site and ended up together?
InfiniteBento and Horse Detective, I'm pretty sure.

There's more examples but I don't know them.
 
I'm pretty sure if we just hooked up the girls in this thread with the guys or whatever your sexuality is, we could cut GAFs single population significantly. Has there ever been two GAFers who met on this site and ended up together?
Uh yeah a couple, where have you been

All women suck at first messages because they never have to do them :p
No wonder I get so many "Hi 😻" on OKC
 
InfiniteBento and Horse Detective, I'm pretty sure.

There's more examples but I don't know them.
Interesting.

Uh yeah a couple, where have you been


No wonder I get so many "Hi 😻" on OKC
I'm new to datingGAF. Had to get some personal stuff (aka dealing with being trans and coming to terms with myself + giving time to transition). Still not 100% there yet, but close enough I feel like I can potentially find some people to date.
 
im not gone yet!

Also trolling works surprisingly well.
How gross can i be and still get a date. "we should fuck" then "lol just kidding but maybe coffee" actually worked. I was pretty disappointed it did.
I'm just going to start messaging the most disgusting ones back and see how long I can carry out a shitty conversation with them.
 
And all at once too. This is unparalleled. Who do we turn this thread over to? What longtime regulars are still single and looking? Lulubop? Jason's Ultimatum?
Still single here too. Haven't been in a good head space recently - I'm completely unable to accept compliments about my appearance. Friday night, I had a friend all too willing to jump my bone, calling me cute constantly....and I straight up didn't believe them. (I have no desire to sleep with this friend, for so many reasons)
 
Since becoming single recently, I'm in this thread a lot more often. I'll probably be here for a while. I'm enjoying the freedom but that enjoyment will be short lived. Currently seeing what's out there, but not actively trying.
 
I'm guessing 80% likelihood is that you PMed them saying you're a virgin because everyone thinks that's way more embarrassing than it is :p

I'll bet a whole jar of cookies on it and everything
Make sure they're... uhhhh... chocolate cookies...

Edit: I meant like... what's your favorite kinda cookie then.... Man, I'm lame. Lol can't even dodge that.
 
Make sure they're... uhhhh... chocolate cookies...

Edit: I meant like... what's your favorite kinda cookie then.... Man, I'm lame. Lol can't even dodge that.
I'll make them snickerdoodle, thanks ;D

If that seriously is what it is, don't worry about it! Sex isn't the one defining thing in a relationship, and if a woman is more experienced that you are, they usually aren't going to mind. Plenty of virgins at your age even if society likes making it like "if you haven't boned by 18 you're a failure". It's dumb and leads to men in particular having serious self-confidence issues when it really isn't a huge deal.
 
I'll make them snickerdoodle, thanks ;D

If that seriously is what it is, don't worry about it! Sex isn't the one defining thing in a relationship, and if a woman is more experienced that you are, they usually aren't going to mind. Plenty of virgins at your age even if society likes making it like "if you haven't boned by 18 you're a failure". It's dumb and leads to men in particular having serious self-confidence issues when it really isn't a huge deal.
Snickerdoodle cookies coming right uppppppppppp!

It's... just... sex sounds amazing. Haven't experienced it yet. Wanna make sure my 1st time is special and that's playing a huge hand (no pun intended) into trying to date.

It's just being a virgin? Bruh, that shit is irrelevant.
Yeah... but....
 
Snickerdoodle cookies coming right uppppppppppp!

It's... just... sex sounds amazing. Haven't experienced it yet. Wanna make sure my 1st time is special and that's playing a huge hand (no pun intended) into trying to date.



Yeah... but....
It isn't and it won't be special.

Not saying you should or shouldn't wait but buddy it aint going to be great.
 
Snickerdoodle cookies coming right uppppppppppp!

It's... just... sex sounds amazing. Haven't experienced it yet. Wanna make sure my 1st time is special and that's playing a huge hand (no pun intended) into trying to date.



Yeah... but....
It's not special. It probably won't be great. Learn to love eating pussy. Be confident enough to ask her what she likes: everyone's different. Don't get confused or psyched out by porn. Practice safe sex. Realize it takes time to learn a partner. Understand after care.

Literally every animal fucks.

You'll be fine.

And guess what? It's not that amazing. It's damn fun, and I love taking care of my girl, but it's absolutely not an earthshattering experience like some kind of spiritual revelation.

You've bought into the hype, so stop that.
 
It isn't and it won't be special.

Not saying you should or shouldn't wait but buddy it aint going to be great.
It's not special. It probably won't be great. Learn to love eating pussy. Be confident enough to ask her what she likes: everyone's different. Don't get confused or psyched out by porn. Practice safe sex. Realize it takes time to learn a partner. Understand after care.

Literally every animal fucks.

You'll be fine.

And guess what? It's not that amazing. It's damn fun, and I love taking care of my girl, but it's absolutely not an earthshattering experience like some kind of spiritual revelation.

You've bought into the hype, so stop that.
I couldnt even cum the first time I had sex. Those pesky condoms. But yeah. Wasnt nothin special. I did become addicted to the sex though.
I see.... so 1st time isn't gonna be as amazing as I think... but I thought doing it with someone you really care for would heighten the experience. Lmao what do I know?
 
I see.... so 1st time isn't gonna be as amazing as I think... but I thought doing it with someone you really care for would heighten the experience. Lmao what do I know?
Sure, being with someone you care about will heighten the experience. But it's more the intimacy of the act imo not the act itself that makes it great
 
I couldnt even cum the first time I had sex. Those pesky condoms. But yeah. Wasnt nothin special. I did become addicted to the sex though.
Fuck condoms. Fuck them straight to hell. I relate bro.

Mediking. You're putting way too pressure on sex. It's cool, but it's not the coolest thing in the world.

Even better than sex is the post-coital stuff. The shower. The holding each other closely while looking into her eyes. Watching her sleep.

A relationship is about a lot of things more than sex.
 
Sure, being with someone you care about will heighten the experience. But it's more the intimacy of the act imo not the act itself that makes it great
Fuck condoms. Fuck them straight to hell. I relate bro.

Mediking. You're putting way too pressure on sex. It's cool, but it's not the coolest thing in the world.

Even better than sex is the post-coital stuff. The shower. The holding each other closely while looking into her eyes. Watching her sleep.

A relationship is about a lot of things more than sex.
Hmmm. Hahah you guys really got me thinking. Like seriously.
 
I see.... so 1st time isn't gonna be as amazing as I think... but I thought doing it with someone you really care for would heighten the experience. Lmao what do I know?
You've been watching too many teen romantic comedies.

That said, doing certain things really is better with someone you care about. Intimacy isn't just about sex. In fact, I'd honestly argue that sex is a small part of intimacy.

Just that I guarantee you you're going to be focusing on shit like - where do I move my hands? Wow, my mattress is making noises. Okay, I'm getting a leg cramp now. Do I switch positions? Is she enjoying herself? Oh fuck, what position do I try? Stay hard, stay hard -- not too hard!

I'd use a sports analogy, but this is GAF and you have an anime avatar
we still love you
, so: you're going to need to really fucking level up before it feels effortless.

The real bonus about doing it with someone you care about is that they'll let you make multiple attempts.

Oh, and it goes both ways. The last thing you need is someone staring lovingly into your eyes while she starfishes and gets impatient.
 
It's a great feeling but eh, it's not the end all be all that your self worth gotta be based on man. And you're gonna suck at it your first time too. Like everyone.

I dunno man, once you do it you're not gon understand why you put this much value in it. It being great isn't the same as it being super defining.

Was raised that my 1st time should be special which is really a big reason why I'm in this situation.
Yeah this is dumb. Your first time should just be the first situation in which the natural conclusion is sex. It's not better if it's someone you care about on your first attempt. It doesn't matter. You get better with practice, not with "I love you". Doing it with someone you care about is more about the intimacy of the total experience which is also something that you probably wont have the very first time either.

Gotta purge this from your mind man. You're like 2 years younger than me, I get that people in our age bracket like to hype this shit up but it's not important.
 
You've been watching too many teen romantic comedies.

That said, doing certain things really is better with someone you care about. Intimacy isn't just about sex. In fact, I'd honestly argue that sex is a small part of intimacy.

Just that I guarantee you you're going to be focusing on shit like - where do I move my hands? Wow, my mattress is making noises. Okay, I'm getting a leg cramp now. Do I switch positions? Is she enjoying herself? Oh fuck, what position do I try? Stay hard, stay hard -- not too hard!

I'd use a sports analogy, but this is GAF and you have an anime avatar
we still love you
, so: you're going to need to really fucking level up before it feels effortless.

The real bonus about doing it with someone you care about is that they'll let you make multiple attempts.

Oh, and it goes both ways. The last thing you need is someone staring lovingly into your eyes while she starfishes and gets impatient.
You're actually totally right.

I have seen/read too many teen romance comedies. Was raised that my 1st time should be special which is really a big reason why I'm in this situation.

And yeah... got an anime avatar... NOT ASHAMED!!!! Lol
 
Pretty sure writer Mark O'Brien, after losing his virginity in his late 30s to a sex surrogate, said he enjoyed the foreplay and the simple act of touching more than the actual penetration, and that afterward he was still depressed and lonely.

You (and everyone) should read his article "On Seeing a Sex Surrogate." It's a good read.
 
Pretty sure writer Mark O'Brien, after losing his virginity in his late 30s to a sex surrogate, said he enjoyed the foreplay and the simple act of touching more than the actual penetration, and that afterward he was still depressed and lonely.

You (and everyone) should read his article "On Seeing a Sex Surrogate." It's a good read.
We should make a list of mandatory DatingGAF read/watches. I'd add the Lobster to that list.
 
You're actually totally right.

I have seen/read too many teen romance comedies. Was raised that my 1st time should be special which is really a big reason why I'm in this situation.

And yeah... got an anime avatar... NOT ASHAMED!!!! Lol
If it makes you feel any better im older and virgin without anything interesting happening soon. It sucks but eventually you realize it happens when it happens and thats it, there are many good things in life to enjoy anyways and horrible people to piss off. 😆
 
.

Just that I guarantee you you're going to be focusing on shit like - where do I move my hands? Wow, my mattress is making noises. Okay, I'm getting a leg cramp now. Do I switch positions? Is she enjoying herself? Oh fuck, what position do I try? Stay hard, stay hard -- not too hard!

I'd use a sports analogy, but this is GAF and you have an anime avatar
we still love you
, so: you're going to need to really fucking level up before it feels effortless.
For me, it was "am I doing this right? How do I put this in there? Shit... where is the hole? Where is the hole!?
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE HOLE?!?!
 
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