Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years

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#1
Dating-Age OT4. Here we go again.

Churchill’s Speech
This time I’ve received the honor of creating the latest version of this thread and we’re gonna do things a bit differently here. There won’t be any long lists of self improvement techniques, hobbies to pick up or date location ideas. I'm not going to tell you how to get laid or how to approach women. The previous two OTs are great for that. Here are the links to them: PXG’s OT2 and soultron’s OT3.

Depending on where you come from in life, where you’re at now and what your beliefs are, these threads contain a lot of information that will help you with that. There is something for everyone in those threads, and it will be that way here too, especially if you take the time to read all the posts, something I’d recommend if you have the spare time. You are more than welcome to ask questions regarding such topics, of course! As English is my second language, there might be grammatical errors that I've missed, so if there are any, or if I should add something more, feel free to say so.

These Colours Don't Run
First off, I want to point out a small word of caution. If you are not ready to take in new information and perspectives on your situation and in general, please don’t fight us. It’s fine to use some critical thinking and deciding for yourself what’s best for you, in fact that’s something you should always do in all walks of life, but we are here to help and nobody will give you bad advice on purpose. And we can only give advice based on what you write, so it won’t be our fault if we misunderstand something. Most advice given is given simply because it has worked for someone else. That doesn’t mean that it will work for you too, but chances are pretty damn good because in most aspects, we’re all much alike. So please remember that.

Out of the Shadows
So at some point, I became the guy with the highest post count in OT3. I’m not sure how that happened, to be perfectly honest. If you’ve ever visited OT3, chances are pretty good that you’ve seen my posts and you might even have seen videos of a Youtube guy by the name of Brent Smith. Now, I won’t fill this thread to the brim with his 400+ public videos on these subjects, so if you hate the guy, don’t worry. There will be a couple though, and for good reasons. But why should you listen to me at all? Well, for starters, I've more than likely been in your shoes once upon a time. I'm 27 now and up until last summer, I was a complete loser around women. And I mean really bad. I gave up on trying to attract women in my early teens. At first it was incredibly "woe is me" and then I grew to accept it. I was never going to get laid and I was okay with that. Scary thought. But I came to OT3 and elsewhere to ask for help and I got it good. So if your life is anything remotely close to that, my deepest sympathies. You've come to the right thread and if you're desperate, angry, sad, lonely scared or any of the other negative and horrible emotions, I know what that's like, many of us here have probably been there before.

Brave New World
The good thing though, is that snapping out of it and starting a new life is possible for anyone and everyone, and it’s actually a lot easier than most think. I don’t care how you do it, just accept that. If you don’t agree and feel that your life is hopeless, well, this journey will be tougher for you than necessary. No one is beyond hope. I’ve never had a serious meaningful romantic relationship in my life and I never approached a single girl between the age of 12 to 22, pretty much. But my life isn’t like that anymore, far from it. I've transformed from having only a handful of friends to being able to name several hundred of them. My life is excellent on all levels, I have the best friends I've ever had, I'm living in a great city and I'm doing what I love. I used to literally not even know what partying meant and some of us dance the night away a few nights a week now. When I stopped being obsessed with my own pain, it went away.

It would be taking the easy way out to say that Brent Smith has changed my life entirely and he’s one of the most important people to me. Instead I’ll say it as it is. With his help, I changed my life into what it is now. I’m the most important person in my life. It sounds so obvious and the only way it should be, right? Yet so many people don't think that way about themselves. I always made sure to put women on pedestals and I was one of the least important people in my life. And that’s also why my life used to suck. That’s probably why your life sucks.

So I’d say that the biggest question you gotta ask yourself right now is ”What am I doing here?”. Are you here because you’re a virgin and want to get laid ”to get it over with”, perhaps even thinking that life will automatically be awesome afterwards? You’re doing it wrong. Are you here for dating tips or wondering how to find a girlfriend? That’s fine, just make sure first that you’re not doing it to fill some imaginary void in your heart. If we suspect this to be the case, we will give you tough love because that’s not how life is supposed to be. In other words, whatever your purpose here is, make sure you’re only doing it for the sake of improving YOU (a message that many in OT3 agree with). If you want to improve yourself and get romantic with a special someone, you have to be a good person first. No, you have to better than good, better than nice. Always be the greatest possible version of yourself. How to make that happen is a different journey for everyone so I can't point to a step-by-step guide. If success is going to come to you, you have to be willing to work for it, and change your beliefs in general. These days, a lot of old tricks don't work anymore and you gotta be able to believe in that perhaps the opposite is the way to go. Sex is only temporary while inner peace and personal development may very well last forever.

When Two Worlds Collide
Like I said before, I’m a strong believer in what Brent Smith has taught me, some of my friends and many others, including in OT3. So if you’re ready for a radically different view on life and women (sometimes too radical for some), Brent will have you covered. This video is great. Yeah, it’s one and a half hour long, dealwithit.gif, I wouldn’t post it if it wasn’t good for you. A fresh perspective can change your life for the better if you let it. I've watched it like 7 times by now.

Every now and then we get guys asking for dating advice, what to talk about, how to dress, how to act, how do I get her to like me, when do I kiss her, how do I kiss her and so on. They are all valid questions and quite understandable. There will always be many answers to these questions that offer a wide variety of options. But at the same time, when you worry about such trivial things, chances are that you’re forgetting something else along the way. That something is you. There’s always two people in a relationship and if you’re too focused on pleasing your woman, trying your hardest to make sure she’s into you, you’re thinking about all this the wrong way to be honest. I posted a video from David Wygant in OT3 and I think it’s pretty fitting here too. You have to have a healthy relationship with yourself before you can truly bring someone else into your life. You have to know what you want just as much as what women want. What would be the point of successfully seducing a woman if she can’t do the same to you, whatever your criteria are? Being in love is a wonderful thing and having happy relationships in your life can be very fulfilling but the most important relationship is with yourself. It is therefore more important to be happy with yourself first and then focus on bringing happiness to others. So it all comes back to not looking in others for your own happiness.

OT3 talked about positivity and confidence, and how to get these things. Everyone in here will tell you that this is key to having success, both in life in general and with women. Please read up on this. But there’s also a third concept that I believe is equally important. That concept is ”indifference”.

Update April 8th: I just noticed that the videos have been deleted from youtube over copyright. Brent does have other videos on indifference though, feel free to search for it on his channel.

Update May 22nd: Seems Brent has either deleted every single video or made everything private for some reason. I have pretty much all of them downloaded, but not any direct URLs. Send me a link on how to make a torrent and I might put them up,even though they're huge. 50+ GB in total.

Indifference is very powerful. Being indifferent and carefree makes life a cakewalk, in all aspects. You don’t have to be mean and a jerk (and please don’t be), just realize that negative feelings serve no real purpose and it’s possible to look at all things from different perspectives. So it’s strongly connected to positivity. And wouldn't anyone prefer positive feelings? If you are carefree, problems become opportunities and nothing more. You wouldn’t be bothered by not getting laid, not getting dates or if you actually get a date but she flakes on you. Approach anxiety, a technical pickup artistry term (you’ll have to google it, I won’t touch PUA in here), would cease to exist. Getting a bad grade, having a lousy salary at work, things like that would lose their negative impact on you. Obviously, you’d want to work towards a solution to those problems, but why choose, and most of us do choose, to let such things bring us down? Most things in life are in fact quite meaningless, but we give them power over us and then we complain about being unhappy. Does that make any sense? Not to me, it doesn't.

Not getting hung up over silly details and not easily getting angry/frustrated is also a very attractive quality. Being carefree give others the impression that you're relaxed and enjoy life for what it is, something you should be doing anyway (yeah, I'm telling you how to live life here :D).

From Here to Eternity
So an important lesson to learn here is that life is actually pretty simple. It’s just that we make it hard. You don’t have to wear fancy clothes, have a cool hair style, have the biggest biceps in town or whatever it is you think you lack. That’s not what’s holding the women back. They obviously help, and you are entitled to your opinion on that fact, but you don’t need them. What IS holding women back are your insecurities about your perceived faults you may think you have! All you’ll ever need is you and what’s inside of you. That was general message of OT3 and it will be again in OT4!

So welcome, or welcome back, to GAF’s Dating-Age. Now get out of here! If you post in here, I sincerely hope you don’t stay for long. Because the action is out there, in your real life, not on GAF. Spend time with your friends, make new ones, improve yourself in whatever way you deem fit, meet women and have a blast. Truly live life the way it was meant to be lived, you only get one on them in this game. So don’t waste something so precious!

So understand,
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years,
Face up... make your stand,
And realise you're living in the golden years.
 
#2
Tailgunner
For requested links and/or videos or stuff that just don't quite fit, I decided to make a separate category below the OP. This is to avoid cluttering as it's already a bit wall of texty. If you have suggestions on important things that should be listed along with the general message above, feel free to send a PM or post in the thread and I'll look it over:

Life in general:
6 Harsh Truths by Cracked.com

Cubsfan23's Post of Truth:
Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and Nice Gals Too)!

HalfBakedProphet's touching temp goodbye with a great quote everyone should read:
There's nothing painful about meeting women.

Vibed's inspirational life and success story:
My first girlfriend!

I was recommended the movie (500) Days of Summer for those of us who have suffered from One-itis or general girl issues with break-ups etc. I strongly recommend everyone to watch this movie ASAP if you're having girl troubles of any kind:
(500) Days of Summer

We got a review of the movie right here:
Watched 500 Days of Summer last night because of the OP.

What a fantastically written movie. I'd seen it advertised before, and I always brushed it off as a generic rom-com. But it is so much deeper than that.
I have experienced so many of the things from that movie in the past, and it really was worthwhile to watch them happen from the 3rd person. I've been with girls like Summer in the past. Hell I even felt the "One-itis" creeping in recently with this girl from OKC. What an eye opener.

There's so many events in life that happen and a person thinks they only happen to them, when in reality they are happening all over the place and the person is no different from others.
 
#7
Great OP, I'll hit off the first question, though...

Where to find girls I'm interested in? Clubs are not nearly as helpful as you think. Though I've made some female acquaintances because of them, that's about it.
 
#8
Great OP, I'll hit off the first question, though...

Where to find girls I'm interested in? Clubs are not nearly as helpful as you think. Though I've made some female acquaintances because of them, that's about it.
What are your hobbies? Are there ways for you to do them socially? If you have hobbies that you take up, then you'll gain a few things. First off, you'll be a more interesting person, and probably find yourself enjoying yourself after a while. Second, you'll find people who share those same interests. It's important to choose hobbies that may have a co-ed crowd and to push your limits, but they're a great way to enjoy yourself, meet people and already have something in common to talk about and do together.
 
#9
What are your hobbies? Are there ways for you to do them socially? If you have hobbies that you take up, then you'll gain a few things. First off, you'll be a more interesting person, and probably find yourself enjoying yourself after a while. Second, you'll find people who share those same interests. It's important to choose hobbies that may have a co-ed crowd and to push your limits, but they're a great way to enjoy yourself, meet people and already have something in common to talk about and do together.
I have hobbies, and I'm in clubs. I'm just saying that hasn't done much in way of searching.
 
#12
Not beyond friendships, really. They're tops blooby and all, but I'm not interested per-se.
Alright, if the girls in what you're doing now aren't your type, you should explore different kinds of activities. It's also useful to leverage a social circle; you could try to spend time hanging out with friends-of-friends and see if you can hit it off.

At the end of the day, trying to force it by meeting someone in a bar isn't necessarily the best thing for a real relationship though it does sometimes work. If you lead a lifestyle that puts you in contact with a lot of people, then you'll run into girls that you find interesting eventually.
 
#13
You know I always had this terrifying fear of dancing. So for 2013 I think I'm going to get out of my comfort zone and join a dance club at my alma matter. Not sure if it will help me talk to girls, but I just want to do it for myself.
 
#15
Alright, if the girls in what you're doing now aren't your type, you should explore different kinds of activities. It's also useful to leverage a social circle; you could try to spend time hanging out with friends-of-friends and see if you can hit it off.

At the end of the day, trying to force it by meeting someone in a bar isn't necessarily the best thing for a real relationship though it does sometimes work. If you lead a lifestyle that puts you in contact with a lot of people, then you'll run into girls that you find interesting eventually.
My social circle hasn't really helped with that either.

...

Luck it is.
 
#16
Read trough the whole OP, the description you make about yourself in at an early age its somewhat close to what i am

OT 2 helped to star moving on and improving on myself

OT 3 Was a different take.

So i hope i can ask you OP some questions later


As far as OT, OT 4 its good on its own
 
#20
Nice OP Minamu. Subbed.

As far as my situation goes, I'm getting pretty serious with a girl I met on OKC. It just takes perseverance guys. Work on yourselves (hit the gym, get a haircut, etc), once you're confident in yourself you can get a girl.
 
#22
So, I've been seeing the same girl since August and had an interesting weekend.....



I just had to post it somewhere and really couldn't on my facebook profile :p
 
#23
for a second i thought desktop gaf had youtube embeds now and got really excited.

great OP. hopefully i'll have some success stories to share in this thread cause i still feel like im at square 1.
 

shintoki

sparkle this bitch
#26
Though I'm still not where I want to be, I have improved! Making more friends, being more social able, and flirting more. I actually have parties to go to and things planned *faint*
 

purg3

slept with Malkin
#30
Not sure if this really falls into dating age, more of a general advice type question I guess. So the other night I get a random facebook friend request from a girl I went to high school with. I had a huge crush on this girl during that period, but she always had a boyfriend. We had mutual friends, and I really wasn't super close to her or anything. But I'm positive she knew I liked her. Anyway, I haven't talked to or seen her at all in the almost 10 years since we graduated. I accepted her friend request and she messaged me with some random small talk. After a few messages back and forth, she asked me what I was doing later in the week, gave me her number, and made plans to meet up. What just happened here? It just seems really weird and out of the blue almost, especially considering how I felt about her during those school years and that we've had no contact in almost 10 years. Also, I'm single and at least based on her profile she doesn't appear to be in a relationship, may be wrong though. Just kind of confused on what I should be expecting here, if anything.
 
#41
It's been a long time since I've posted anything substantive in these threads. I'm not really asking for advice, just allowing my thoughts and feelings to get out. I would normally discuss this sort of thing with one of my best friends, but she's busy at the moment.

Anyway, let me just get to the point. I want to break up with my girlfriend. Badly. I've wanted to for a while. Every time I tell her that I've had enough and that I want to cut things off, she guilts me into staying together and keep things going. For a short while, I think things are alright, but after a couple of weeks, things start getting sour, and then I want out again. Yeah, I know, I should just put my foot down and tell her that enough is enough. It's not fair for either of us to continue this rollercoaster of emotions, going up and down, thinking things are fine one moment, and then the next, they're not.

We both still live at home. I'm actually planning on moving out VERY soon. I have a full-time job (plus freelancing), decent benefits, able to pay most of my bills on my own, save 1/3 to 1/2 of my paycheck and still have enough to go out, have fun and treat my GF to a good time. Now, her....she, like me, lives at home. She has no car of her own or a license (she's 20, I'm 23, in case you were wondering). She has a shitty part-time and that doesn't pay her nearly enough for her to sustain nearly the littlest of things. Whatever money she has, she spends on clothing, her cell phone bill or things she needs to take care of her house/ her younger siblings (her home life is long, fucked up and could be a long ass post of it's own). Needless to say, she can't afford shit. Whenever I see her, I have to pick her up. 9/10 I end up paying for stuff, quite simply because she can't afford it....blah blah blah...dsfsdsdflsd

Fuck this...

tl:dr I was going to write more, but it's just too much. Ya'll don't really give a shit, so I'll tighten it up. Although she's a sweetheart, she can have a nasty attitude. She can be snippy, blow things out of proportion, can be painfully immature and sometimes, just unappreciative of the things I do for her. She's sort of stuck at the moment without any direction or way out of her situation. As much as I care about her, I can't continue to pay for stuff and provide the things I do. It's taking a financial and mental strain on me. She's slowing me down and preventing me from moving forward. It's just not fair.

I've just been stupid, and just too nice. I've been too worried about being a nice guy, a gentlemen and a good boyfriend and not enough about my own well being. I always have this fear of being an asshole and not being good towards my woman. I don't want to be "that" guy who treats his girl like crap. I'm always fearful that I'm not doing enough, but now I know I've done waaaaaaaaaaaay too much for this girl. Shit, I'm turning 24 in less than two weeks. I would be out of my mind to continue this. I already ordered her Xmas gift. I'd feel awful returning if, since she already bought me a 3DS XL. I'll consider it as an equalizer/ parting gift. Tell her how I feel, and that I'm done for good, move on and don't look back.

I'm sick of this shit guys. It's time for me to think more about myself.
 
#46
hmmm, going to try an experiment- today is 17/12/2012, let's see how long does it take to:

1) Kiss someone
2) Have sex with someone
3) start dating someone

For the record: last time I kissed was in October, last time had sex was in April and last relationship started and ended in 2010.
 
#47
You can totally offer up advice or thoughts for those in here that need it, though. There's a lot of good you can do in here for people, probably.

Oh, great OP Minamu. :)
 
#49
Thanks for the kind words :D It went through quite a few revisions. I wasn't sure if the tone would be appreciated or not, but seems like it's alright.

I have hobbies, and I'm in clubs. I'm just saying that hasn't done much in way of searching.
Not beyond friendships, really. They're tops blooby and all, but I'm not interested per-se.
You probably already know what my response to the first quote would be :) Hang back and give them a chance to search for you instead (searching is obviously not the thing to do apparently). As for the second, have you tried these girls out and given them more than one chance to prove themselves? I mean, I made out with two girls last night so we're obviously slightly more than just random encounters. Have you just dismissed them immediately? If you give them the space to do it, they may surprise you. I've met many wonderful people this last year that I didn't think much of at first.

Alright, if the girls in what you're doing now aren't your type, you should explore different kinds of activities. It's also useful to leverage a social circle; you could try to spend time hanging out with friends-of-friends and see if you can hit it off.

At the end of the day, trying to force it by meeting someone in a bar isn't necessarily the best thing for a real relationship though it does sometimes work. If you lead a lifestyle that puts you in contact with a lot of people, then you'll run into girls that you find interesting eventually.
Bolded is dangerous if done for the wrong reasons. Attracting women into your life shouldn't be your goal, just let be an after thought and it will come faster and more naturally because you're an awesome guy to be around in general. As for bars, it's very possible to meet girl friend material there, as long as you believe it to be possible. This is true everywhere.

You know I always had this terrifying fear of dancing. So for 2013 I think I'm going to get out of my comfort zone and join a dance club at my alma matter. Not sure if it will help me talk to girls, but I just want to do it for myself.
I was the same way 2-3 years ago. I'm self-taught though. It's crazy fun, so don't even wait for 2013 to come around :)
Only one week left to live anyway!

I love the Maiden style OP
I like the iron maiden thread title.
Hehe thanks! I hadn't mentioned it in OT3 when I asked for suggestions and decided to do something different and be a bit creative since GAF always have crazy OT's. The songs seemed pretty fitting to me. Glad somebody noticed.

Read trough the whole OP, the description you make about yourself in at an early age its somewhat close to what i am

OT 2 helped to star moving on and improving on myself

OT 3 Was a different take.

So i hope i can ask you OP some questions later


As far as OT, OT 4 its good on its own
Go ahead and ask whatever you want. There are many regulars that frequent in these threads.

Nice OP Minamu. Subbed.

As far as my situation goes, I'm getting pretty serious with a girl I met on OKC. It just takes perseverance guys. Work on yourselves (hit the gym, get a haircut, etc), once you're confident in yourself you can get a girl.
Good to have you back :) And good to hear. Work on yourself, with the right mindset mind you, and the rest will follow eventually.

-Random friend request-
If you want this kind of thing to happen more often, just tell yourself it's a normal occurrence and don't turn it into a magical moment. From your description it certainly sounds like she wants to meet up at the very least. I suggest you meet her and see for yourself. I don't think you'd go wrong with assuming there's interest there. With a fine tuned vibe, you can almost always assume that going in.

She's going to break your heart and leave you gutted.
Very possible. Proceed carefully.

Just rip the band aid off, man :) Sounds like you've already decided, really. Nice to see you back as well!

Is this in the fucking fourth thread already?

I have been dating someone seriously for a year now, so I can't sort of join in on the fun now...
There was a wolf in OT3 that got banned for too much real talk, was that you? Either way, more people that can give advice is always appreciated. Edit: Oh, seems like you are that wolf. I loved it :lol
 
#50
You probably already know what my response to the first quote would be :) Hang back and give them a chance to search for you instead (searching is obviously not the thing to do apparently). As for the second, have you tried these girls out and given them more than one chance to prove themselves? I mean, I made out with two girls last night so we're obviously slightly more than just random encounters. Have you just dismissed them immediately? If you give them the space to do it, they may surprise you. I've met many wonderful people this last year that I didn't think much of at first.
Eh, I mean what can I do about it? Maybe I'll get to know them better later or something like that. 'Sides, I'm pretty sure they don't drink (certainly not as much as I), so. Who knows. If an opportunity presents itself I'll see.

And I guess I will hang back and see what happens.
 
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