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[The Artful Dodger]

This is why I always advocate both parties being clear about what they want in any type of relationship, platonic or romantic or sexual. Leading guys on is something I worry about though, because some guys will think any sort of attention means there's another level of interest even despite how many times I mention wanting to be friends or how many times I drop the "MY BOYFRIEND" card.

I imagine it's a literal Index card that says "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" and you just quietly put it down mid-conversation.

 

[Out of Working Order]

Are you asking how women would know that you are insecure and histrionic?
Answer: It's obvious.
Your internal world comes out through your words and actions, regardless of how well you believe that you can hide it.
Others don't need to be psychic, they can see it.

If you want to have a relationship, then the best thing you can do is forget about a relationship and go to work on yourself. Become someone who other people want to be around.

I don't know if I can forget about having a relationship, because I am tired of waiting. I am bored. Bored with myself; bored with my life. I've been messing around on my own for my entire adult life, so I feel I've done enough of that already - that is, working on myself and my hobbies, and being in my own company. It's just tiresome at this point.

Does your job define you? It probably shouldn't, and so if anybody has a problem with it, who cares? What would you tell other guys who might judge you based on your job?

It doesn't define me, no. But it reflects my lack of ambition and drive, and possibly my intelligence. It's an entry-level job that requires no skills whatsoever - college students have come and gone in the years that I've been doing it, so yeah, I feel pretty worthless.

And I'd tell them to fuck off probably, but deep down inside I'd know they were right.

 

[youngwerther]

Men and women can't be just friends.

There, I said it.

I don't know if I can forget about having a relationship, because I am tired of waiting. I am bored. Bored with myself; bored with my life. I've been messing around on my own for my entire adult life, so I feel I've done enough of that already - that is, working on myself and my hobbies, and being in my own company. It's just tiresome at this point.

You don't need a relationship and it's probably not as great as you are thinking it's going to be.

If you are bored with yourself and your life then why would anyone else be interested in you?
Just some thoughts.

 

[Out of Working Order]

Youngwerther: I guess you are right. But for me my life's got boring because I've never had a woman. Not even as a friend, for fuck's sake.

They kinda are It'll show in body language, tone of voice, word choices, behavior, you name it. It's easy to pick up subconsciously and can be just as off putting as an ugly face. And women are much better at this than most men. There's a difference between insecurities and insecurities though. Being aware of them and accepting them and possibly working on them, that's one thing. Becoming whiny, desperate, angry and losing all hope and personal sense of self and letting them define oneself, that's something else entirely. Sure, those people can find love too, but they usually attract other broken people as well or someone who has a psychotic need to fix other people's problem (which is a disease of sorts as well). So yeah, you can't hide severe insecurities, not when your subconscious is screaming for help and is projecting it against your conscious will.

That is me, ha ha.

If a woman doesn't smile or doesn't look at me I'll feel rejected. Then I'll dwell on it and get angry/frustrated. Then I'll see a happy couple and it's like a kick in the heart.

I probably walk around with a scowl on my face or something.

 

[Leeness]

So not all people are jerks after all! Same with women. You've just given up girl. You need some verbal slaps of truth in the face, that's what I think Maybe you were just unlucky with those dudes, there's so many of them so it's possible. But what you made it mean about them and you and love in general, that's on you. Nobody who is truly happy is so adamant as you to point it out to everyone. And nobody who knows your story and care believe you! That's saying something.

You're so silly

I only point it out because if I don't, you guys don't believe me! I guess I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't though if I stopped now, you'd be all "ARE YOU NOT HAPPY ANYMORE?!"

Haha.

I guess so. But if I were to be like "Nope! Not interested anymore, gonna bail!", would that make me a jerk for saying so?

Or would I be a jerk for just ignoring them? I don't think there's any good way to approach it, but I'd rather be an honest jerk. =(

Honesty is the best policy, Girl Scouts honour!

"Not feeling it anymore, I'm sorry". The end.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

That is me, ha ha.

If a woman doesn't smile or doesn't look at me I'll feel rejected. Then I'll dwell on it and get angry/frustrated. Then I'll see a happy couple and it's like a kick in the heart.

I probably walk around with a scowl on my face or something.

Why do you care so much what other people have and what other people think? If someone doesn't want to smile at you, what does it change in your life? People want to be with someone that can stand on their own two feet, not someone who's worried about what they don't have. You wouldn't want to date someone as emotionally weak and unhappy seeming as you seem, right?

Get right with you, don't worry what other people have and don't let your emotions hang on what other people do.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

I guess so. But if I were to be like "Nope! Not interested anymore, gonna bail!", would that make me a jerk for saying so?

Or would I be a jerk for just ignoring them? I don't think there's any good way to approach it, but I'd rather be an honest jerk. =(

Lol, I knew a guy who would stop mid-conversation with a girl if she said she was taken. He was an ass for sure but it was soo damn funny people usually forgave him for it.

 

[Out of Working Order]

Why do you care so much what other people have and what other people think? If someone doesn't want to smile at you, what does it change in your life? People want to be with someone that can stand on their own two feet, not someone who's worried about what they don't have. You wouldn't want to date someone as emotionally weak and unhappy seeming as you seem, right?

Get right with you, don't worry what other people have and don't let your emotions hang on what other people do.

Wish it was so easy. This is just who I've become over time - I wasn't always this way. At one point I was just happily getting on with my life. Nowadays I just feel I don't measure up to other peoples' standards. I think of myself as a loser, and I believe other people think the same.

And I'd date somebody who was like me, yes. But that's because I am desperate.

 

[Pau]

I imagine it's a literal Index card that says "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" and you just quietly put it down mid-conversation.

Haha, now I'm imagining literally dropping the card (it has glitter on it for some reason) and asking the other person to pick it up. "Oh, whoops, could you get that for me?"

Men and women can't be just friends.

There, I said it.

It's certainly not true across the board. Not every man is attracted to every woman and vice versa, and even for people who are attracted to you on some level, they can still follow boundaries and realize that they want a friendship with you even if it doesn't lead to a sexual or romantic relationship.

That is me, ha ha.

If a woman doesn't smile or doesn't look at me I'll feel rejected. Then I'll dwell on it and get angry/frustrated. Then I'll see a happy couple and it's like a kick in the heart.

Have you considered therapy? These kinds of insecurities can really fuck up a relationship.

I didn't see any mention of it in your posts, but have you put yourself out there? If you preemptively keeping yourself from even talking to women, of course nothing's going to happen.

 

[youngwerther]

Wish it was so easy. This is just who I've become over time - I wasn't always this way. At one point I was just happily getting on with my life. Nowadays I just feel I don't measure up to other peoples' standards. I think of myself as a loser, and I believe other people think the same.

And I'd date somebody who was like me, yes. But that's because I am desperate.

You need a big attitude adjustment before you even think about women.

You obviously know it isn't attractive to think of yourself in this way, yet you still keep doing it. Stop being pathetic. NO ONE likes that shit. Other people's standards don't matter. FUCK EVERYONE.

The good news is that it is easy. You are the one in control of your life. It is up to you whether or not to be pitiful or to take control of what you are and become who you want to be. You make the decision.

 

[Out of Working Order]

I know I need an attitude adjustment. I just don't know where to start, because I am so damned broken. I'd like to put myself in social situations to meet people and find friends, but I don't know whether that's a good place to start or not.

Have you considered therapy? These kinds of insecurities can really fuck up a relationship.

I didn't see any mention of it in your posts, but have you put yourself out there? If you preemptively keeping yourself from even talking to women, of course nothing's going to happen.

Yes, I have. It may help me make sense of my thoughts.

I don't really strike up conversations with women, no. Not unless they speak to me first. Even then, I panic and feel I am going to say something creepy or stupid, so I can't fully relax.

 

[beat]

Going back a couple of topics to the "when to let it drop issue", let me say up front that I do mostly agree with you guys, it's better to drop it than be a pest or worse.

But that said, I think about my friend who had a date or one night stand or something and told the guy "you're fun, but I don't see this going anywhere," and he managed to convince her that instead they were great together. They're married now with kids and she seems totally happy. Or hell, I wouldn't exist if my dad hadn't managed to convince my mom that he was worth it, and she'd been rejecting him for literally years before she changed her mind.

 

[youngwerther]

I know I need an attitude adjustment. I just don't know where to start, because I am so damned broken. I'd like to put myself in social situations to meet people and find friends, but I don't know whether that's a good place to start.

In every post you are constantly pitying yourself and being pathetic.
You want a good place to start? Stopping that shit would be a good step 1. Stop thinking of yourself in a loser mentality.

Stop.
It.
No.
Excuses.

Think of your past achievements and think of your goals. Think of what makes you an individual. What makes you different from everyone else. You are not broken; you are just beginning.

 

[ShadowgeistX]

Lol, I knew a guy who would stop mid-conversation with a girl if she said she was taken. He was an ass for sure but it was soo damn funny people usually forgave him for it.

That's hilarious lol. To the point where I'm debating whether to try it sometime or not.

I just don't know where to start, because I am so damned broken.

You really gotta throw that crap away. Your personal negativity is showing through a forum post. Just ditch that stuff and think about your positives. Or at the very least, the non-negatives. Then you can go socialize and make friends or whatever. Otherwise you'll just be negative and a downer, and even worse, not having fun.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Men and women can't be just friends.

There, I said it.

Maybe most of the time. There's a couple girls that I'm friends with that I'm not attracted to. And I also wonder exactly what you mean. What if there are girls that you would totally go for but you've been turned down or just knew that it wasn't going to happen? Does the fact that you would have sex with a friend if it somehow came up mean that you're not actually friends?

I don't think it's common, but it certainly happens.

 

[beat]

Women can be platonic friends with men way more easily than the other way around: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends

In order to investigate the viability of truly platonic opposite-sex friendships--a topic that has been explored more on the silver screen than in the science lab--researchers brought 88 pairs of undergraduate opposite-sex friends into...a science lab. Privacy was paramount--for example, imagine the fallout if two friends learned that one--and only one--had unspoken romantic feelings for the other throughout their relationship. In order to ensure honest responses, the researchers not only followed standard protocols regarding anonymity and confidentiality, but also required both friends to agree--verbally, and in front of each other--to refrain from discussing the study, even after they had left the testing facility. These friendship pairs were then separated, and each member of each pair was asked a series of questions related to his or her romantic feelings (or lack thereof) toward the friend with whom they were taking the study.

The results suggest large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them--a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men's estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt--basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends.

These results suggest that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being "just friends." What makes these results particularly interesting is that they were found within particular friendships (remember, each participant was only asked about the specific, platonic, friend with whom they entered the lab). This is not just a bit of confirmation for stereotypes about sex-hungry males and naïve females; it is direct proof that two people can experience the exact same relationship in radically different ways. Men seem to see myriad opportunities for romance in their supposedly platonic opposite-sex friendships. The women in these friendships, however, seem to have a completely different orientation--one that is actually platonic.

edit: that said, sometimes women get it mixed up too - http://hellogiggles.com/bff-boy-friend-fancying-can-we-really-just-be-friends

Every girl has their go-to guy, AKA their best boy friend or brother from another mother. He is straight. He is cute. He is totally platonic. [...]

The thing is, I want my current BBFF to love and be loved and while I pray for the best of the best for him even when it comes to finding the love of his life, I dread this day because I know it will be the end of our two straws and one milkshake sharing days. That, and sometimes I want to be the love of his life and him mine. [...]

The 'why aren't we together' talk also came up with my BBFF and in the spirit of my self-promise never to stow my feelings again, I bravely had to admit to him and myself that I sometimes have these feelings but would be happy either way: whether we remain besties forevs or taking things a step beyond - and I meant it. I know how lucky I am to have him as a soul mate and we do love each other... but I also know that we would be extra lucky to be soul mates and in-love with each other.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Yep. In general, people are jerks.

People, am I right? Lol.

I disagree. I happen to think that in general, people are good and caring. Yes, we've all been burned from time to time, but we've also had strangers help us out, friends who come to us in our time of need, family that show support. Unless you just happen to come from a really shitty place where you basically can't trust anyone. I've traveled all over the world though, and really I've found that people are basically good at heart, with a few exceptions of course.

Men and women can't be just friends.

There, I said it.

I don't agree with this either. I have numerous good female friends. I get along great with them. Do all kinds of activities with them. They share things going on in their life and ask me for advice. They like getting a guy's perspective on things. They are a lot like my guy friend in a lot of ways.

 

[zeemumu]

Men and women can't be just friends.

There, I said it.

A majority of my friends are women.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

A majority of my friends are women.

They can't be.

Werther said so.

 

[Leeness]

I disagree. I happen to think that in general, people are good and caring. Yes, we've all been burned from time to time, but we've also had strangers help us out, friends who come to us in our time of need, family that show support. Unless you just happen to come from a really shitty place where you basically can't trust anyone. I've traveled all over the world though, and really I've found that people are basically good at heart, with a few exceptions of course

Aw how cute.

Spoiler

I'm kidding. Some people are great, some aren't. I'm glad you've found some great people

 

[youngwerther]

Some snap-shot judgement! Which is of course what I expected. Aint GAF full of ISTJ or something?

Here's what's up - I'm coming at you with my life experiences. If you have different life experiences...cool. You want to make light of that, well, good luck for you, hope it works out. I'm accounting for what I've been subjected to.

Sarcasm just reminds me of how weak you really are. You can't confront me head on because you are ashamed of your position.

This community ain't the place for me. Good luck soldiers.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Some snap-shot judgement! Which is of course what I expected. Aint GAF full of ISTJ or something?

Here's what's up - I'm coming at you with my life experiences. If you have different life experiences...cool. You want to make light of that, well, good luck for you, hope it works out. I'm accounting for what I've been subjected to.

Sarcasm just reminds me of how weak you really are. You can't confront me head on because you are ashamed of your position.

This community ain't the place for me. Good luck soldiers.

Lol, are you indirectly calling me out?

I'm not the passive aggressive type. I was making a Joke. I know you've obviously had troubles and wasn't downplaying that.

I made a light joke which I've often done. If The Sorrows of Young Werther are too painful to laugh at in any context, that might account for why you have trouble making friends with ladies. Loosen up a bit.

I'm not ashamed of what I said, nor was my position to hurt you, it was a playful joke.

If I've made you uncomfortable to post here, I'm sorry for that. Feel free to PM me and we'll clear the air, and hopefully you'll come back.

 

[TurboLibre]

Men and women can't be just friends.

There, I said it.

Sure they can, you just need to be mature about it. I have many female friends that I view as part of my family. I even became great friends with their boyfriends. I don't see any issue unless you develop feelings for every girl that talks to you. Sure, sometimes it's unavoidable and you need to end it. But if that's happening most of the time you might need to get out more.

I do have an issue with how some women go about it though. Had a few Trojan horses lately where they act like they're coming onto me and then drop of the boyfriend bomb after we're already out for drinks. And I've run into a number of other women that are aggressively trying to make guy friends left and right, and constantly complain when some of them get interested. Like they don't know how this shit works. I understand it can get old, but when I hear a woman complain about people being attracted to them all I hear is "My wallet is too small for all my hundreds!"

 

[electricshake]

Some snap-shot judgement! Which is of course what I expected. Aint GAF full of ISTJ or something?

Here's what's up - I'm coming at you with my life experiences. If you have different life experiences...cool. You want to make light of that, well, good luck for you, hope it works out. I'm accounting for what I've been subjected to.

Sarcasm just reminds me of how weak you really are. You can't confront me head on because you are ashamed of your position.

This community ain't the place for me. Good luck soldiers.

Well you did present your opinion (which many, including me, don't agree with) as fact. I mean fair enough if you can't be just friends with women, but I have plenty of friends who are guys and there isn't any romantic interest there.

 

[Minamu]

Well you did present your opinion (which many, including me, don't agree with) as fact. I mean fair enough if you can't be just friends with women, but I have plenty of friends who are guys and there isn't any romantic interest there.

Maybe not romantic, but are you sure they wouldn't want to sleep with you if you gave them the option?

 

[nOoblet16]

Well randomly bumped into her yesterday at university during the day but neither of us spoke much. Around evening she texts me and apologises for not conversing properly as she was tired and I told her I was kind of lost too because I did not expect to see her. Then she invited me over to a pub for a drink, I go in fully expecting her to be with her friends (and maybe BF, if any lol), turns out she was out there all alone, so we get a few drinks and talk for a couple of hours...that was some amazing banter !

And invited her over to Christmas meal with my friends next Monday...so far so good.

Regarding this, the meal was suppose to take place on 2nd Dec but due to my friends fucking it up, it was postponed to 9th. I text her on 2nd Dec to tell her about this and ask if she wants to go ice skating instead, she tells me that she can't as she caught a stomach flu and has been in bed the entire day and that's why missed my call earlier, but that she will contact me later in the week to hang out once she gets better.

So around Thursday last week I text her asking how she is feeling to which I don't get any response, on Sunday I text her about the new timings for dinner. On the day of dinner (last monday) she calls me around noon time which I miss, so I call her back after 5 mins but I don't get any answer so I leave a text asking what's up which goes unreplied. On Tuesday I ask her if she is ok, and that it might be nosey of me to text her again but I am just too confused to tell anything. I tell her that I wanted to speak to her before she left for Australia this week for holidays, but that she should take her time and call me whenever she feels comfortable talking...the ball's in her court now. And it might be weeks before I hear again from her or at all.


The thing that has me absolutely baffled is that she was the one to initiate contact (when I pretty much gave up and moved on, as she didn't reply to my very first text after I took her number until three weeks later), she was the one who asked me to hang out with her, made herself look bad by apologising a billion times, she kept in contact with me all this time when she didn't have to. She even seemed to have had a good time with me because we spent hours together talking, I made her laugh, kept things light and at the end she kissed me goodnight. Yet now she has gone absolutely cold on me without saying anything or giving any reason, and why did she call on Monday ? :S
God damn mindfuck ! If only she wasn't this interesting and hot.

TLDR: I have no fuckin idea what is up with her now, I can't stop thinking about her for even a moment because her behaviour has been so out of the norm.

 

[Minamu]

She's acting weird for sure. Actions speak louder than words. Do you like weird or not is all I can ask

 

[nOoblet16]

;

She's acting weird for sure. Actions speak louder than words. Do you like weird or not is all I can ask

Sure I like crazy, from what I can tell her personality is like a batshit crazy version of mine. We have the exact same life goals, hobbies and perspective on things.

 

[Minamu]

;

Sure I like crazy, from what I can tell her personality is like a batshit crazy version of mine. We have the exact same life goals, hobbies and perspective on things.

Sure, but is she acting weird in a good way right now? Is she making you feel good at the moment? I think you need to consider that before getting super excited about a girl who is clearly not giving you as much thought :S

 

[nOoblet16]

Sure, but is she acting weird in a good way right now? Is she making you feel good at the moment? I think you need to consider that before getting super excited about a girl who is clearly not giving you as much thought :S

Oh hell no, I am feeling like absolute shit right now because I had such high hopes from this, which is why being left in the dark is frustrating. It was fine when she was still communicating but now? not so much. The fact that she called me back after all those weeks was proof that she gave me a thought. But I'm just puzzled over why she would initiate contact ,make herself look bad and do all those things with a guy who she didn't answer for weeks only to end up ignoring him again.

 

[stn]

People will sometimes re-initiate contact simply out of guilt. If at the end of the day you're not going out with her or whatever, then that's all it is.

 

[nOoblet16]

People will sometimes re-initiate contact simply out of guilt. If at the end of the day you're not going out with her or whatever, then that's all it is.

I know, but 3 weeks for someone you only met once is a long time.
Beside if they did that out of guilt then they should be feeling even more guilty by cutting off completely after clearly having a good time when she invited me to hang out (she kissed me after all)...that's even more rude than not initiating contact at all lol.

Maybe she's already off for Australia hence she can't respond to my text and that's why she tried to call me on Monday.

 

[Idde]

I know, but 3 weeks for someone you only met once is a long time.
Beside if they did that out of guilt then they should be feeling even more guilty by cutting off completely after cleary having a good time. when she invited me to hang out (she kissed me after all)...that's even more rude than not initiating contact at all lol.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Sometimes people are just...weird. I once missed a call from a girl, who contacted me after a week. I called her back after five minutes, she didn't answer her phone and never called me again. It's really too bad, but shit happens.

 

[nOoblet16]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Sometimes people are just...weird. I once missed a call from a girl, who contacted me after a week. I called her back after five minutes, she didn't answer her phone and never called me again. It's really too bad, but shit happens.

I guess I'll just accept defeat here and move on, it felt far too perfect to actually happen.
I asked her to call me, if she wants to she will otherwise I'll just have to live with it.

I don't usually ask a girl for her number just to get along, this is the first time I actually tried it because I was so into her and there was a lot of chemistry (we basically spoke and joked for 3-4 hours straight, each time we met).

 

[Tawpgun]

Dates are expensive jeeesus

Dropped 30 bucks on a casual ice skating night

 

[depths20XX]

Maybe she accidentally called you when she was trying to delete your number? I know that sounds bad and I'm just kidding but it has happened to me before when I'm trying to delete a message from someone.

 

[TruckDriver]

Well, I ended things with the gal. I'm not happy about it, but I'd rather be sad now, than staying with someone and constantly wondering about what else could be.

Shit still sucks.

 

[Valus]

I for one agree with youngwerther. In my personal experience, the only women I wanted to get to know were women I wanted to date. A lot of them didn't work out and we ended up becoming friends, but the only reason why that even happened was because I wanted them to begin with. And of those friendships, none of them lasted.

I'm sure others have different experiences and there are men out there that legitimately meet women with the sole purpose of friendship in mind first and foremost, but that's just not me. My girlfriend gives me all the female companionship I desire.

 

[TurboLibre]

I'm sure others have different experiences and there are men out there that legitimately meet women with the sole purpose of friendship in mind first and foremost, but that's just not me. My girlfriend gives me all the female companionship I desire.

I never understood why people act like relationships and friendships are mutually exclusive. Way I've always seen it, a relationship is the next step from a friendship. Similar with guys to how a drinking buddy becomes one of your "bros". I've made tons of guy friends I'm not looking to hang out with all that often, and lots of women I don't really care to start a relationship with. Doesn't mean we can't still shoot the shit every once in a while and grab a beer.

 

[Pau]

I for one agree with youngwerther. In my personal experience, the only women I wanted to get to know were women I wanted to date. A lot of them didn't work out and we ended up becoming friends, but the only reason why that even happened was because I wanted them to begin with. And of those friendships, none of them lasted.

I'm sure others have different experiences and there are men out there that legitimately meet women with the sole purpose of friendship in mind first and foremost, but that's just not me. My girlfriend gives me all the female companionship I desire.

Do you also only have a single male friend? I'll never understand this line of thinking where people purposefully discount half of the population based on their gender or that women are only worth knowing if you want to have sex with them. Kind of sad.

 

[ShadowgeistX]

I never understood why people act like relationships and friendships are mutually exclusive. Way I've always seen it, a relationship is the next step from a friendship. Similar with guys to how a drinking buddy becomes one of your "bros". I've made tons of guy friends I'm not looking to hang out with all that often, and lots of women I don't really care to start a relationship with. Doesn't mean we can't still shoot the shit every once in a while and grab a beer.

Everyone has different values. I see it similarly to you, but one girl that I know separates the relationship and the friend zone HARD. If you are ever hanging around her and shooting the shit with her, basically you'd have no chance to date her. It's the weirdest and funniest thing.

 

[Valus]

I never understood why people act like relationships and friendships are mutually exclusive. Way I've always seen it, a relationship is the next step from a friendship. Similar with guys to how a drinking buddy becomes one of your "bros". I've made tons of guy friends I'm not looking to hang out with all that often, and lots of women I don't really care to start a relationship with. Doesn't mean we can't still shoot the shit every once in a while and grab a beer.

I don't know about you, but I act very differently to a woman I'm interested in romantically versus a woman I'm only interested in friendship with (such as classmates/co-workers). I feel like if I treat them the same then that will only lead to confusion. The "friends" might take my general friendliness as flirtation and so forth. So yes, to me they are mutually exclusive.

And it's even moreso important do this from a woman's side, imo. Look at Pau's comments about her troubles with being friends with men. There are too many expectations from one side or the other...going in there treating them all the same and expecting them to understand whether you're trying to be their friend or something more sucks, imo. To me it's very important to make your intentions loud and clear when dealing with people.

Do you also only have a single male friend? I'll never understand this line of thinking where people purposefully discount half of the population based on their gender or that women are only worth knowing if you want to have sex with them. Kind of sad.

You misunderstand me. I'm not purposefully discounting half of the population at all. I simply have no desire for friendship with women I'm not romantically involved with. I never said anything about it only being about sex, where did you get that idea? My girlfriend gives me a million more things than that and she's all I need. All of my friendship needs are filled up with my current friends - I don't feel like I'm missing or craving anything.

 

[TurboLibre]

I don't know about you, but I act very differently to a woman I'm interested in romantically versus a woman I'm only interested in friendship with (such as classmates/co-workers). I feel like if I treat them the same then that will only lead to confusion. The "friends" might take my general friendliness as flirtation and so forth. So yes, to me they are mutually exclusive.

And it's even moreso important do this from a woman's side, imo. Look at Pau's comments about her troubles with being friends with men. There are too many expectations from one side or the other...going in there treating them all the same and expecting them to understand whether you're trying to be their friend or something more sucks, imo. To me it's very important to make your intentions loud and clear when dealing with people.

Personally I cut through the confusion by being direct. Hard to mistake "Let me take you out for dinner".

I will say I don't get the most success out of this. It's actually rare for me to find a woman I actively want to ask out, and even if I do, they often have their own hangups attached to it. But when it works I feel like there's a good foundation to build upon, as opposed to meeting complete stranger you're trying to bang in a couple of dates. But my only relationship happened the latter way, so what do I know.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

To each there own I guess. I don't actively go out looking for women to be friends with, it just sort of happens. I treat them like I would a guy friend, for the most part, and don't immediately size them up to determine if they are someone I want to date and/or sleep with. Then, at some point down the line, it just grows into a friendship in a natural way.

This thread has gone in odd directions in the past few pages. I like hearing about how things are actually going on the relationship front more so than people getting their feelings hurt over something that is said here or there.

We could use a good success story!

 

[God Enel]

Met the girl from the train today. went for a coffee and talked for about 3 hours. then she went home. it was quite nice. Wrote me a message an hour ago that she wants to meet me again. we'll see.


@ the guy asking if she twirled her hair. no she had her hair pinned up and opened (? is this the correct term?) it.

 

[Minamu]

So she let it hang freely? Showing off them female looks man

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Do you also only have a single male friend? I'll never understand this line of thinking where people purposefully discount half of the population based on their gender or that women are only worth knowing if you want to have sex with them. Kind of sad.

Women are constantly only talking to me for my body and I'm like eyes up here! I have a mind too! you need to respect me as a human being!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me!

Spoiler

This actually never happens.

Sidenote: Going back to California this Tuesday, have a few dates lined up, which is cool but it's super weird cause I'm livin' on the East Coast for the time being.

 

[GutsOfThor]

Thanks again for the advice guys. I'm going to go ahead and message her on Facebook but I'm wondering if asking her out right away might be a mistake? Actually, what should I say?

 

[Servbot24]

My ex who broke up with me 2 months ago (I've mentioned her here several times) called me and wants to see a movie with me tonight. I suspect this is because she had a date that fell through and she's lonely, but I'm not sure. Anyways I am still in love with her and want her back so I'm going. I know, not the "alpha" thing to do but fuck it. I want her so bad. Gotta swallow my pride and take a chance even if her invitation means nothing. So we'll see how this goes. Oh and she knows I'm still in love with her btw.

 

[NeOak]

My ex who broke up with me 2 months ago (I've mentioned her here several times) called me and wants to see a movie with me tonight. I suspect this is because she had a date that fell through and she's lonely, but I'm not sure. Anyways I am still in love with her and want her back so I'm going. I know, not the "alpha" thing to do but fuck it. I want her so bad. Gotta swallow my pride and take a chance even if her invitation means nothing. So we'll see how this goes. Oh and she knows I'm still in love with her btw.

If you get something that you want out of it, why not?

Obviously, be careful anyway with possible expectations.