That's what I said. I want to meet lady-folk.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
That's what I said. I want to meet lady-folk.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
You got me, old chap.
TurboLibre
Member
I feel ya, I need new ones myself. Most of them won't go outside for anything, making it impossible to meet new people. When my buddy broke up, we were all hanging out with him pretty much daily and (trying) to convince him to go out and do stuff. Now that I'm single I'll I get from them are lame ass excuses. I do have a couple that I can hit up, but even those are every once in a while.
I hate being this isolated, but there isn't much I can do at the moment.
Alright! It's been December 16th in Sweden for 16 minutes, give or take, so let's start with our yearly recaps!
And happy birthday Dating-Age!
An amazing year in many ways, dating or otherwise related stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkocjjea5dY
I'll do my own writeup later, and I'll try to focus on what has been going on in my life and where I want to improve and go further!
And happy birthday Dating-Age!
An amazing year in many ways, dating or otherwise related stuff.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkocjjea5dY
I'll do my own writeup later, and I'll try to focus on what has been going on in my life and where I want to improve and go further!
The Artful Dodger
Member
Lol, Do it man.
This is why I don't understand guys who are like dickish to girls that just wanna be pals. Chances are she has friends and odds are at least one of them is pretty.
Getting friends will make you less obsessed with finding a significant other because it helps fill that need for having company, then you end up finding a significant other when you weren't even focused on it.
TurboLibre
Member
Very true. Not just women though, one of my best friends is gay and hooked me up with my ex. You just never know where people will lead ya.
biggersmaller
Banned
My senator.
I never touched this thread, but I was curious. As a 30 Y/O very happily married man who has gone through the fire - finding a date can be emotionally draining, so I would personally avoid bars for hook-up purposes and stick to sites. I hate to say this, but several of the people in my personal experience who constantly whine about not being able to land even one date are gunning for a partner WAY out of their "league." There's more to life than conventional looks and/or financial success.
biggersmaller
Banned
Successful friendships prove an ability to maintain a minimal level of good judgement and level of emotional IQ. Most sane people don't want to be their romantic partner's only friend.
Eh, what is a league anyway?
It's more likely the whining and self-deprecating attitude that shoots them down with hotter guys/girls. Believe it or not, but placing someone in another league from yourself, when we're all just humans, that's also a kind of objectifying. A bad attitude and low self-steem is gonna be way more likely reasons for not feeling attraction for someone else.I'm starting to become a lot more confident in a few aspects of my life (namely my artistic ability), and this certainly seems to be bouncing off of me in some way. I seem to be getting a lot more looks/smiles than I've ever had before, which in turn is fueling my self-esteem a bit.
I still can't approach (I've never been able to), but hopefully once I'm put into the right situation I'll start to open up further.
I also found out (from a friend) that a girl wanted to sleep with me, but thought I was too out of her league. The fact that anyone thinks I'm out of their league/wanted to sleep with me is frankly blowing my mind, and this is yet another confidence boost.
To be honest I've not really been to many clubs, mostly just bars, but having said that I don't really think they are for me. My mate suggested what sounds like a good one (with music more to my liking), so I'll see what that's like.
Traveling is definitely on the radar, and hopefully next year I'll get something sorted. This past September I went to Germany by myself for a few days (although I met up with friends there), and doing short breaks like that throughout next year is something I'm planning. Hopefully it'll help open me up even further!
I still can't approach (I've never been able to), but hopefully once I'm put into the right situation I'll start to open up further.
I also found out (from a friend) that a girl wanted to sleep with me, but thought I was too out of her league. The fact that anyone thinks I'm out of their league/wanted to sleep with me is frankly blowing my mind, and this is yet another confidence boost.
Definitely man, let me know! It would be a blast meeting up.Don't wait for it before trying yourself of course, but you, me and stn should totally hang out next year in London
Thanks for the post man!
To be honest I've not really been to many clubs, mostly just bars, but having said that I don't really think they are for me. My mate suggested what sounds like a good one (with music more to my liking), so I'll see what that's like.
Traveling is definitely on the radar, and hopefully next year I'll get something sorted. This past September I went to Germany by myself for a few days (although I met up with friends there), and doing short breaks like that throughout next year is something I'm planning. Hopefully it'll help open me up even further!
thesoapster
Member
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=90185249&postcount=11438
Roughly a month later, now. Didn't notice any replies (I did search to see if I was quoted). Anyone want to take a go? Hopefully my linked post is not a tl;dr...
I will add to my ending note there that I realize opportunities do not come along while "waiting" for them. I meant to imply more that I keep doing my current thing, continue to try and branch out socially, and see if more opportunities present themselves.
Roughly a month later, now. Didn't notice any replies (I did search to see if I was quoted). Anyone want to take a go? Hopefully my linked post is not a tl;dr...
I will add to my ending note there that I realize opportunities do not come along while "waiting" for them. I meant to imply more that I keep doing my current thing, continue to try and branch out socially, and see if more opportunities present themselves.
I'm still missing concrete stuff that you actually did
You like art, so do you go to any exhibitions? Do you take any courses? Do you go to concerts with friends? Developing yourself, and taking pride in that, either in your work, hobbies or whatever is great. And doing things you love is the perfect way to meet new people and socialize.That brings me to the bolded. Don't wait to be put in the right position. Put yourself there. For example: I'm writing a book. It's going great, I like doing it, I like talking about and it gives me confidence because I'm developing myself. But I also subscribed to a writers course which starts in three weeks (can't wait). There'll be lots of new people to meet, it'll be useful and there might be some cool girls there (or not, doesn't really matter).
So, what are some concrete things you've undertaken to meet new people, to work on yourself? Which you actually LIKE doing? Because again, from the looks of things, bars aren't really your thing.
How long were you in Germany? What part? Where are you from? What are your next plans?
Mostly yes to the last part. Always yes to the last part. Do you mind posting a picture of yourself? I have a bit of a baby face myself. So I grow out my beard, perhaps that works for you as well? That might put you in the stubble motherfucker category though
And looking forward to you recap Minamu. I'll post mine when I get home from work. Crazy that this thread is already a year old. Where has the time gone?
Fuck, I don't have any friends, there goes my judgment and emotional IQ
PflargBlarg
Member
I have moderate pectus excavatum. Gf doesn't care. The ileostomy I have no idea although wikipedia says that there is surgery to move everything internal. That one would probably be a bit harder than the PE to ignore.
Alright! It's been December 16th in Sweden for 16 minutes, give or take, so let's start with our yearly recaps!
And happy birthday Dating-Age!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkocjjea5dY
I'll do my own writeup later, and I'll try to focus on what has been going on in my life and where I want to improve and go further!
It's been posted in here a lot that the best way to go about things is to improve yourself and not even really worry about girls. I'm a pretty laid back guy so that's what I do mostly any way. I had been doing a lot of exercise, started learning some other languages, and going through a bunch of non-fiction sciencey and world history related books (Decoding the Heavens about the Antikythera Mechanism is fascinating). And then one night, with a group of friends watching the hockey game, things just lined up right.
Friend was just randomly giving me a head massage and then afterwards sat down in the only open spot which was next to me. I turned to look at her and she had turned as well, and then it just seemed like the obvious thing to do was kiss her. It took her a couple days to figure out that I really did want her and that it wasn't just some one time thing. Since then, we've seen each other almost every day. We both have keys to each others apartments and we're planning to move in together in March as both our leases conveniently end at the same time. We haven't slept apart a single time in over 2 weeks so it makes sense.
I've switched back to learning French as she's from Quebec and her parents speak barely any english. I would really love to be able to speak directly to them. Shouldn't be too bad as I'm already decent at french.
We've already done so many cool things together and have many future plans as well. It's fun to know that when she or I plan something it's not something that I'm going to do, it's something that we're going to do. Going to go to Quebec next summer, and then to Indiana for a friends' wedding.
If there's one thing to take from this, it's that being able to love someone else is dependent on loving yourself. I wasn't looking for anyone, and I didn't feel like I was missing anything from my life. She hasn't completed my life or filled in a hole, she's simply added on another amazing part. Basically, be awesome enough that someone else awesome wants to share your lives together.
Also, that hockey game night was only on October 3rd.
It's fine. You'll get more. From my experience, you just kind of accumulate friends naturally Nearly all of the people that I hung out with moved away for college, so I've had to rebuild a stable group of friends too, which is difficult because I never really speak to anyone at college long enough to form a friendship. I'm barely halfway through my sophomore year though so it's not that big a deal yet. Keep at it, Log.
Wormdundee: That's awesome, man Congrats. And you're so right, you gotta love yourself first before others will. I recommend some slight caution with moving in with something after so little time, but you know her and your feelings the best. It is a pretty big step though. But if it feels good to be around her that closely (practice now!), feel free
Wall of text 2013 recap: As for my year, when I made this thread I had just recently met my now ex "girlfriend" and school was going great. My graduation and final thesis were coming up though and I spent the next six months working on that and worrying my ass off for the future since I had no plans and no job lined up for after summer break. Granted, I'm now 28 and getting older, but around this time, with school and my ex acting up, gray hair started appearing which freaked me out for a couple of weeks, but I think it might've been the emotional stress primarily. If anything, my hair has been getting darker with age. But I'm getting ahead of myself I think.
On new year's eve, I finally kissed a class mate I'd been yearning for for the past six months or so. Nothing came of it, she has a boyfriend now and we're very good friends, but she's one of those girls, looks wise, who I would've considered out of my league by a mile when I was younger. The catharsis of finally getting those emotions out in the open felt great and it was pretty much the perfect way to end and start a year with. Shortly after, I ran into my now ex in a book store, she has absolutely defined this year for me in many ways, and still am, and I reinitiated contact with her after having some sporadic texts in the past couple of months. Turns out she had left her boyfriend and wanted to meet up and so we did, and I was truly intimate with someone for the first time in almost a year. In time, she slowly but surely became my first true love as an adult. But it was too hard for me to realize that fact and I couldn't admit it, and I was too indecisive between entering a true relationship with her and continuing to party to improve myself, both socially in general but also with attracting women. I chose the latter and followed my logical side, it was gonna be cumbersome to have a girlfriend anyway when I wanted to focus on school and hopefully move abroad for my career, which was hopefully going to happen very soon. I wasn't willing to "be tied down". Such a stupid point of view on relationships and the starting point of our own demise. But I should've listened to my heart and what it wanted, and still wants. Intimacy and love. At the time though, that's what I needed to do and I was having way too much fun to stop, so I don't regret it as much as I could. It wasn't a problem for her either so we were good. But with time and her wonderful company, my feelings grew. And quite silly of me since I wasn't entirely hers (I did kiss countless girls while I was seeing her), nor she mine, I got quite upset with her one night out, hurt and disappointed mostly, because she refused to acknowledge with PDA that we had a thing going on. I felt rejected, disrespected in front of her friends that has seen us kiss before so what was the problem?, and it felt like I was just some dirty secret to her. So I had to leave her, it was my way or the highway, that's what I'd been taught. But it felt wrong and I couldn't put my finger on why, even though my social status and skills skyrocketed and I got back into going to the gym as a result. So we got back together and everything seemed fine, except I still was indecisive, like the idiot I was
But after a while, she admitted that something was wrong, and not just that she was sad that I had left her to begin with, but she also missed her own ex. They'd been together for three years after all and she jumped into a fwb situation with me very fast. She had tried talking to him about it (you know, classic situation of a hurt girl wanting to go back to a bad ex who put her down etc) but he wasn't interested and said something so mean to her, so soul crushingly mean, in combination with an already very poor self-esteem, that I think she ended up on medications. And she's the kind of girl who takes an almost pride in being an emotional shut-in, which is weird for a psychology student, and that didn't really mesh all too well with my feelings for her and my desire to help her. But I pushed her way too hard with trying to find out what had happened and thus, it was my own desire for her and fear of losing her that made me lose her. Our Friends with Benefits thing became something along the lines of "friends". I don't know how else to describe it. Needless to say, we didn't have a very good sexual connection at all after that, and it wasn't great to begin with. Even though it was I who left her again, just as I was finishing my final version of my graduation thesis and wanted a clean summer slate and a couple of rebound relationships (didn't happen lol), in many ways it felt like she had already left me, it was just I who took the physical step of saying enough's enough. I also did it over text which didn't exactly help my image. It wasn't a cowardice thing as it may look, most of our talks were virtual in that way so it felt natural. We've still made only like five telephone calls to each other. But she didn't see it that way of course.
Anyway, summer started and I graduated with my Bachelor's Degree without a hitch, these past three years have been laughably easy, but on the other hand I haven't gotten a job in my field yet so there's that lol. My ex is still not done, she broke down hard it seems. Of course, when you lose something or someone, that's usually when you finally realize how much it was worth to you and how much you miss it. We met up at her place and talked things through, screaming at each other, mostly her rightly, and I came to some important realizations about our relationship and how we could fix it. It takes two to tango though, and understandably, she wasn't willing to take the necessary dancing lessons with me anymore. Not after getting dumped twice in the most immature ways possible and over petty egostistical bullshit on my part mostly. She met someone new, an old friend, less than two weeks later and fell in love (awfully convenient and fast imho). This might've been back in May or June, I'm not sure. Prior to that, I had continued my summer parties to get over her and met two girls, best friends, and my attraction hubris thought that just maybe I had a chance at a threesome here, or at the very least two separate rebounds, as they genuinely seemed cool with it all and my recent past. Well, you know, it didn't happen xD Granted, one of them was interested and came over, but left right in the middle of foreplay because of her friend and she thought there was romantic interest from my end towards her friend and didn't want to be in the way. The other girl was interested though but shy so things didn't progress beyond a few kisses and I got bored with her. Perhaps not bored but I got annoyed that someone who had said that standing up for themselves and taking what they want is a good thing, yet never had the balls to do it themselves, with several open invitations to come over. I went home for the summer and forgot about her basically. We didn't sleep together until the end of November and it was one of the worst experiences of my life lol! But we'll get there sort of.
Two days before I was leaving this town to come home to my family for the summer, I had somehow regained contact with my ex and we met up at a club and hugged it out for the longest minute on Earth. I asked her the day after to show me a sign that my attempts to win her back was having some kind of positive effect but due to the other guy, who didn't want a relationship with her, she couldn't do that. We spent July and August arguing over distance about how and if we should solve our differences and get back together but she was just as impossible to work with as before and the conversation died out as school started again.
But even though I was distraught, I kept on partying and trying to date girls through dating sites and had some minor successes, though no meetups. As for school, since I didn't have a job I decided to apply for a kind of Master's program so I could continue to work on my portfolio and apply for jobs at the same time. But I've been pretty terrible at it. It's hard to get a job in the games industry and as someone annoyingly clever once told me; You won't get a job if you don't even apply for them. I still haven't applied for a single gaming related job beyond thesis internships, it just felt so hopeless in a time of depression. Next year I'll have to man up. So far, I've been doing what I truly love instead and I've been following my heart, which has led to an even more intense social skill building phase. My life revolves around the social scene, self development, games and school, in that order. I've applied for a job at the clubs though so that's always something.
Having been free and single since August has been good for me. The emotional stress and drama made my life miserable, and my ex's too. As she put it herself, we had bad timing in meeting each other when we did. New friends and new opportunities to meet people and a new page in my book has been great. I was scared that I would regress when all my classmates disappeared after graduation but it went the opposite way and I've made friends in areas I'd never believe I'd find them in. For example, I got a random match in the Facebook game SongPop back in my home town during the summer. Some cute looking girl was apparently a good fit for some gaming battles. We bantered and found each other on Facebook. As it turned out, she was an attractive 32 year old woman with a 4 year old daughter. She also lived in my neighborhood. And we had a few friends in common too, which was really weird! But she did have a fiancé so I didn't expect nor want anything when we met up and got wasted. But since this is Dating-Age, I think you guys can figure out the rest Not all the way, but enough to warrant some relationship concerns. I'm not proud of it, but if nothing else, I showed more restraint than she did. We're good friends now, nothing more (?).
And just as when I left my ex twice, a strange new situation socially back in school made my life skyrocket forward, as if I was being held back On the other hand, school has been going down the crapper, both priority wise but also results wise. Not that my grades are bad or anything, but finding a company to intern at proved to be a lot tougher than expected and with so many bad things going on at the same time, I've been quite depressed lately, at least September to November. Things are looking up quite well right now though. Life finds a way
November though, what a month! By far one of the best months in my life, and the best one this year, no contest. I wanted to do a social experiment and decided to quit fapping, cold turkey, for an entire month. And let me tell you, the experiment was so successful I can hardly believe it myself, haha. Having been frustrated for a while due to a lack of expected success, probably due to depression and feelings for my ex, I wanted to see if not being allowed to jerk off would affect my social skills in any way. Although you soon start scratching the walls because you're sexually frustrated, I did find an inner calm in a way and my confidence boosted a lot. Together with an experiment to be more proactive and not as laid back as before, I had easily more success in a month than the rest of the year combined. New friends, new privileges, newfound happiness and a relaxed demeanor, yet sexy at the same time. I'm a little fuzzy on when the very first sexual encounter happened but I have at least five encounters confirmed, maybe six. Three girls, two visits each. Granted, one of them has basically fallen in love with me, and I slept at her best friend's apartment this last weekend, and only one of them was truly great and I wanted more, but nope. The third one was one of the summer girls and I literally had nightmares about her while she slept next to me :S Anyway, I got way more attention than before and actually noticed many more glances coming my way from people I'd never thought would even recognize me and I got my first vip pass. Maybe it was my belief that something would change that made it happen but the evidence speaks for itself, I became much more vocal (and I'm pretty talkative otherwise), happy and sociable. I felt so much more sexy and could let it emanate freely from me. Probably hormones. It was fantastic. So I definitely suggest people try stopping the excessive fapping. At the very least, save it for Sundays. I still could've approached a lot more than I did, maybe I'm being too self critical, but five or six "dates" in twelve days seems low. And when I think of the past year and a half, with around 200ish party nights, the number seems rather crappy to me xD But overall, I'm happy and perhaps those encounters have caused enough drama as it is. December has slowed down a lot comparatively but as I said, I've managed to turn a two night stand's best friend into something more than just a casual friendship, so I'm pretty happy so far. Two more party nights in this town this year. I don't think I'll go out over Xmas, but I probably should since it'll be good to be out alone in a strange city.
Of course, the story with my ex isn't over. Of course it isn't xD I've been talking about her so excessively in here since day one so it was bound to continue. We accidentally ran into each other in November at the club, at the height of my experiment. It was nice to meet her after a very sudden mid conversation disappearance in August. And while it stung a bit to see her with some guy, I kept my cool. I went home with the first girl for the second time that night anyway. About a week later she comes back into my life in full force though. A "happy to see you again" message from her was all it took for my life to come crashing down and we've been talking back and forth about us since then. We're not done with each other, we both admit it, but she still has another guy and is still angry over our past and is having a hard time of letting that go to rebuild anew. To be perfectly honest, it's just me trying to rebuild things, and though I'm seeing other people, it's annoying to have her in my life and still love her, yet she's cozying it up with some other dude at the same time. We haven't talked since Saturday now when I called her out on precisely this love triangle bullshit so I assume she's pissed because "I try to pressure her into making decisions". Typical fate-junkie response. I only want to help her solve a dilemma that's affecting more people than just her. But I don't expect a response anymore. We're still Facebook friends and I think she needs to see that I'm happy without her (or that I will be one day).
Anyway, some personal takeaways:
Possibly my longest post ever? xD
TLDR: Shitstorm of a rollercoaster ride this year. Exes and school/work related depression, but major stides forward socially. I'd rather be this person than the one when I made this thread I wouldn't trade away any of it. 8/10
Congrats. And you're so right, you gotta love yourself first before others will. I recommend some slight caution with moving in with something after so little time, but you know her and your feelings the best. It is a pretty big step though. But if it feels good to be around her that closely (practice now!), feel free Wall of text 2013 recap: As for my year, when I made this thread I had just recently met my now ex "girlfriend" and school was going great. My graduation and final thesis were coming up though and I spent the next six months working on that and worrying my ass off for the future since I had no plans and no job lined up for after summer break. Granted, I'm now 28 and getting older, but around this time, with school and my ex acting up, gray hair started appearing which freaked me out for a couple of weeks, but I think it might've been the emotional stress primarily. If anything, my hair has been getting darker with age. But I'm getting ahead of myself I think.
On new year's eve, I finally kissed a class mate I'd been yearning for for the past six months or so. Nothing came of it, she has a boyfriend now and we're very good friends, but she's one of those girls, looks wise, who I would've considered out of my league by a mile when I was younger. The catharsis of finally getting those emotions out in the open felt great and it was pretty much the perfect way to end and start a year with. Shortly after, I ran into my now ex in a book store, she has absolutely defined this year for me in many ways, and still am, and I reinitiated contact with her after having some sporadic texts in the past couple of months. Turns out she had left her boyfriend and wanted to meet up and so we did, and I was truly intimate with someone for the first time in almost a year. In time, she slowly but surely became my first true love as an adult. But it was too hard for me to realize that fact and I couldn't admit it, and I was too indecisive between entering a true relationship with her and continuing to party to improve myself, both socially in general but also with attracting women. I chose the latter and followed my logical side, it was gonna be cumbersome to have a girlfriend anyway when I wanted to focus on school and hopefully move abroad for my career, which was hopefully going to happen very soon. I wasn't willing to "be tied down". Such a stupid point of view on relationships and the starting point of our own demise. But I should've listened to my heart and what it wanted, and still wants. Intimacy and love. At the time though, that's what I needed to do and I was having way too much fun to stop, so I don't regret it as much as I could. It wasn't a problem for her either so we were good. But with time and her wonderful company, my feelings grew. And quite silly of me since I wasn't entirely hers (I did kiss countless girls while I was seeing her), nor she mine, I got quite upset with her one night out, hurt and disappointed mostly, because she refused to acknowledge with PDA that we had a thing going on. I felt rejected, disrespected in front of her friends that has seen us kiss before so what was the problem?, and it felt like I was just some dirty secret to her. So I had to leave her, it was my way or the highway, that's what I'd been taught. But it felt wrong and I couldn't put my finger on why, even though my social status and skills skyrocketed and I got back into going to the gym as a result. So we got back together and everything seemed fine, except I still was indecisive, like the idiot I was
But after a while, she admitted that something was wrong, and not just that she was sad that I had left her to begin with, but she also missed her own ex. They'd been together for three years after all and she jumped into a fwb situation with me very fast. She had tried talking to him about it (you know, classic situation of a hurt girl wanting to go back to a bad ex who put her down etc) but he wasn't interested and said something so mean to her, so soul crushingly mean, in combination with an already very poor self-esteem, that I think she ended up on medications. And she's the kind of girl who takes an almost pride in being an emotional shut-in, which is weird for a psychology student, and that didn't really mesh all too well with my feelings for her and my desire to help her. But I pushed her way too hard with trying to find out what had happened and thus, it was my own desire for her and fear of losing her that made me lose her. Our Friends with Benefits thing became something along the lines of "friends". I don't know how else to describe it. Needless to say, we didn't have a very good sexual connection at all after that, and it wasn't great to begin with. Even though it was I who left her again, just as I was finishing my final version of my graduation thesis and wanted a clean summer slate and a couple of rebound relationships (didn't happen lol), in many ways it felt like she had already left me, it was just I who took the physical step of saying enough's enough. I also did it over text which didn't exactly help my image. It wasn't a cowardice thing as it may look, most of our talks were virtual in that way so it felt natural. We've still made only like five telephone calls to each other. But she didn't see it that way of course.
Anyway, summer started and I graduated with my Bachelor's Degree without a hitch, these past three years have been laughably easy, but on the other hand I haven't gotten a job in my field yet so there's that lol. My ex is still not done, she broke down hard it seems. Of course, when you lose something or someone, that's usually when you finally realize how much it was worth to you and how much you miss it. We met up at her place and talked things through, screaming at each other, mostly her rightly, and I came to some important realizations about our relationship and how we could fix it. It takes two to tango though, and understandably, she wasn't willing to take the necessary dancing lessons with me anymore. Not after getting dumped twice in the most immature ways possible and over petty egostistical bullshit on my part mostly. She met someone new, an old friend, less than two weeks later and fell in love (awfully convenient and fast imho). This might've been back in May or June, I'm not sure. Prior to that, I had continued my summer parties to get over her and met two girls, best friends, and my attraction hubris thought that just maybe I had a chance at a threesome here, or at the very least two separate rebounds, as they genuinely seemed cool with it all and my recent past. Well, you know, it didn't happen xD Granted, one of them was interested and came over, but left right in the middle of foreplay because of her friend and she thought there was romantic interest from my end towards her friend and didn't want to be in the way. The other girl was interested though but shy so things didn't progress beyond a few kisses and I got bored with her. Perhaps not bored but I got annoyed that someone who had said that standing up for themselves and taking what they want is a good thing, yet never had the balls to do it themselves, with several open invitations to come over. I went home for the summer and forgot about her basically. We didn't sleep together until the end of November and it was one of the worst experiences of my life lol! But we'll get there sort of.
Two days before I was leaving this town to come home to my family for the summer, I had somehow regained contact with my ex and we met up at a club and hugged it out for the longest minute on Earth. I asked her the day after to show me a sign that my attempts to win her back was having some kind of positive effect but due to the other guy, who didn't want a relationship with her, she couldn't do that. We spent July and August arguing over distance about how and if we should solve our differences and get back together but she was just as impossible to work with as before and the conversation died out as school started again.
But even though I was distraught, I kept on partying and trying to date girls through dating sites and had some minor successes, though no meetups. As for school, since I didn't have a job I decided to apply for a kind of Master's program so I could continue to work on my portfolio and apply for jobs at the same time. But I've been pretty terrible at it. It's hard to get a job in the games industry and as someone annoyingly clever once told me; You won't get a job if you don't even apply for them. I still haven't applied for a single gaming related job beyond thesis internships, it just felt so hopeless in a time of depression. Next year I'll have to man up. So far, I've been doing what I truly love instead and I've been following my heart, which has led to an even more intense social skill building phase. My life revolves around the social scene, self development, games and school, in that order. I've applied for a job at the clubs though so that's always something.
Having been free and single since August has been good for me. The emotional stress and drama made my life miserable, and my ex's too. As she put it herself, we had bad timing in meeting each other when we did. New friends and new opportunities to meet people and a new page in my book has been great. I was scared that I would regress when all my classmates disappeared after graduation but it went the opposite way and I've made friends in areas I'd never believe I'd find them in. For example, I got a random match in the Facebook game SongPop back in my home town during the summer. Some cute looking girl was apparently a good fit for some gaming battles. We bantered and found each other on Facebook. As it turned out, she was an attractive 32 year old woman with a 4 year old daughter. She also lived in my neighborhood. And we had a few friends in common too, which was really weird! But she did have a fiancé so I didn't expect nor want anything when we met up and got wasted. But since this is Dating-Age, I think you guys can figure out the rest
Not all the way, but enough to warrant some relationship concerns. I'm not proud of it, but if nothing else, I showed more restraint than she did. We're good friends now, nothing more (?).And just as when I left my ex twice, a strange new situation socially back in school made my life skyrocket forward, as if I was being held back
On the other hand, school has been going down the crapper, both priority wise but also results wise. Not that my grades are bad or anything, but finding a company to intern at proved to be a lot tougher than expected and with so many bad things going on at the same time, I've been quite depressed lately, at least September to November. Things are looking up quite well right now though. Life finds a way November though, what a month!
By far one of the best months in my life, and the best one this year, no contest. I wanted to do a social experiment and decided to quit fapping, cold turkey, for an entire month. And let me tell you, the experiment was so successful I can hardly believe it myself, haha. Having been frustrated for a while due to a lack of expected success, probably due to depression and feelings for my ex, I wanted to see if not being allowed to jerk off would affect my social skills in any way. Although you soon start scratching the walls because you're sexually frustrated, I did find an inner calm in a way and my confidence boosted a lot. Together with an experiment to be more proactive and not as laid back as before, I had easily more success in a month than the rest of the year combined. New friends, new privileges, newfound happiness and a relaxed demeanor, yet sexy at the same time. I'm a little fuzzy on when the very first sexual encounter happened but I have at least five encounters confirmed, maybe six. Three girls, two visits each. Granted, one of them has basically fallen in love with me, and I slept at her best friend's apartment this last weekend, and only one of them was truly great and I wanted more, but nope. The third one was one of the summer girls and I literally had nightmares about her while she slept next to me :S Anyway, I got way more attention than before and actually noticed many more glances coming my way from people I'd never thought would even recognize me and I got my first vip pass. Maybe it was my belief that something would change that made it happen but the evidence speaks for itself, I became much more vocal (and I'm pretty talkative otherwise), happy and sociable. I felt so much more sexy and could let it emanate freely from me. Probably hormones. It was fantastic. So I definitely suggest people try stopping the excessive fapping. At the very least, save it for Sundays. I still could've approached a lot more than I did, maybe I'm being too self critical, but five or six "dates" in twelve days seems low. And when I think of the past year and a half, with around 200ish party nights, the number seems rather crappy to me xD But overall, I'm happy and perhaps those encounters have caused enough drama as it is. December has slowed down a lot comparatively but as I said, I've managed to turn a two night stand's best friend into something more than just a casual friendship, so I'm pretty happy so far. Two more party nights in this town this year. I don't think I'll go out over Xmas, but I probably should since it'll be good to be out alone in a strange city.Of course, the story with my ex isn't over. Of course it isn't xD I've been talking about her so excessively in here since day one so it was bound to continue. We accidentally ran into each other in November at the club, at the height of my experiment. It was nice to meet her after a very sudden mid conversation disappearance in August. And while it stung a bit to see her with some guy, I kept my cool. I went home with the first girl for the second time that night anyway. About a week later she comes back into my life in full force though. A "happy to see you again" message from her was all it took for my life to come crashing down and we've been talking back and forth about us since then. We're not done with each other, we both admit it, but she still has another guy and is still angry over our past and is having a hard time of letting that go to rebuild anew. To be perfectly honest, it's just me trying to rebuild things, and though I'm seeing other people, it's annoying to have her in my life and still love her, yet she's cozying it up with some other dude at the same time. We haven't talked since Saturday now when I called her out on precisely this love triangle bullshit so I assume she's pissed because "I try to pressure her into making decisions". Typical fate-junkie response. I only want to help her solve a dilemma that's affecting more people than just her. But I don't expect a response anymore. We're still Facebook friends and I think she needs to see that I'm happy without her (or that I will be one day).
Anyway, some personal takeaways:
- I still need to approach more people and not just rely on them coming to me. That's been working pretty good and I see no need to sweat over it, but I'm not at where I want to be at this point still. There's still that stupid anxiety feeling of looking like an idiot when you try to talk to someone new. I have this with both sexes, so it's not entirely because it's a hot girl, it's not rejection I fear per se.
- I need to practice on keeping my mood up. Once it drops, it's rarely coming back up and a night out is potentially ruined. And my mood has no reason to drop, it just does, perhaps so I won't have the energy to approach strangers.
- I need to let go of my social status desire. It's easy to get a bit power mad when you get something cool you've never had before. I think that's holding me back from reaching even higher. I had lunch today with a girl from school at my favorite club and the boss waved happily at me and we talked later (private staff party last night, they were still drunk almost). But I really shouldn't feel a need to flex that social muscle to seem cool or whatever xD That's just immature. In a way, I'm glad that my desire to evolve socially is more important than my desire for female attention, but if that desire is holding me back from success with women, that's not good either. So I think I need a better balance and tone down my lust for status. It's a small rural 60k inhabitants town in the middle of nowhere, what important status can there be, you know? Just drop it.
- I have to listen to my heart more. Not just with women but in general. There's no need to worry about my future, you're not supposed to get gray hair from worrying too much. As for with women, my heart needs love and that's what I strive for now, just to see if things feel better that way. And I need to use some filters as to not attract the wrong kind of woman. You're not supposed to get nightmares after sex xD
- I need to practice not getting upset as well. When pushed into a corner or when I feel mistreated, I can freak out and lose my cool head so fast. Emotional immaturity probably, and the best way to fix that is to keep pushing myself into those situations. I think so at least, correct me if I'm wrong. I need a thicker skin and not lose my self-image after each rejection or whatever, even if it's just for a few seconds.
- Lastly, I think I need to relax more. My party friends would probably gasp at the idea and tell me to step it up rather, but I think I've been pressuring myself and forcing a lot of changes too fast? This isn't a race, so enjoy the joyride instead, you know?
Possibly my longest post ever? xD
TLDR: Shitstorm of a rollercoaster ride this year. Exes and school/work related depression, but major stides forward socially. I'd rather be this person than the one when I made this thread
I wouldn't trade away any of it. 8/10thesoapster
Member
Mostly yes to the last part. Always yes to the last part. Do you mind posting a picture of yourself? I have a bit of a baby face myself. So I grow out my beard, perhaps that works for you as well? That might put you in the stubble motherfucker category though
I will PM, but yeah I can grow a goatee...it just looks bad on me IMO. Cannot do a full-on one (might be from acne scarring...hard to say). And of course I have nothing against your kind
. That look is very much in (at least around here), and looking young and not being able to do it does make me look that much younger.PflargBlarg
Member
Wormdundee: That's awesome, man
We've both said it's crazy, but we're so sure. In my opinion we've moved very fast, but we're totally on the same page about everything. I remember a night about a month after we started dating; I was feeling pretty sick so I just went home after eating with some friends, while they went off to a dance club.
I was lying in bed trying to sleep around 1 am, so the party definitely wasn't over yet. She texted me and then was surprised when I responded because she thought I would be asleep. She just decided right then that she needed to come over, so she ditched everybody at the club. That was the first night that she said she loved me.
We independently started looking at the sort of apartments that would be available in our combined price range about 1.5 months after hockey night. I see her everyday and we pretty much live together already. I'd say our moving in together is kind of just acknowledging reality and saving money at the same time
We've talked about it a lot, and we're very sure
You mentioned age a whole lot in that post. Why are you so hung up on it? At the end of the day it doesn't really matter as long as you are compatible with them. My brother married a woman 15 years older than him and has a son that's only 2 years younger than my brother. In my eyes that shit is crazy but he's as happy as can be, so what's the problem?
In my opinion, never let age be a detriment to your relationships (with reason of course. Valus is not condoning pedophilia, GAF). Compatibility is much more important. If you are ashamed of the way you look then definitely you need to do something about it, and good on you for getting it started. You have to accept yourself for who you are (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and then work on changing whatever it is you're not happy with. But I can't stress enough that accepting oneself first is probably the biggest issue people with low self-esteem have.
Get naked, stand in front of a mirror, and just stare at yourself. That is who you are, like it or not. Accept it, embrace it, and work towards change. You are you and you will feel a whole lot better once you do this, I promise. If you're already at this point, then awesome, good on you once more!
Based on what you posted, these are the only two issues I can find - one mental one physical. Get over the age nonsense (it's really a non-issue) and work your ass off to achieve what you want physically. You seem to have the rest down already.
My party friends are really into RSDNation, a self development site with one of the guys mentioned in The Game (ooooh, PUA!!! ~~ lol). But it's actually pretty good from time to time since the message is essentially the same as what we're already talking about in here or what Brent Smith says. It's just different words and terminology.
Here's a good motivational video for getting off your ass!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KCgjYeGHBA
Here's a good motivational video for getting off your ass!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KCgjYeGHBA
thesoapster
Member
Thanks
As for age, I actually am not so concerned myself, but rather it seems almost everyone I'd be interested in older than me is. And that's one of the issues I'm trying to tackle - availability. Online, in person; they're all 3+ years older than me, and since I already look young for my age, it's not helping. I figured my best/only shot was to get in good shape to try and stand out a bit more (and have a better self-image). Thanks again for your reply.
I will PM, but yeah I can grow a goatee...it just looks bad on me IMO. Cannot do a full-on one (might be from acne scarring...hard to say). And of course I have nothing against your kind
I personally have never seen a goatee that actually works. But you're not a bad looking guy. Perhaps your face is a bit round. Please don't take ANY offense whatsoever, but are you overweight? Because losing a few pounds might help in that regard? And why doesn't a bit of scruff work, do you have patchy facial hair or something?
Aaaaand, 2013 personal recap time:
The first few posts in this thread were about a girl I met online, and went ice skating with. It was a boring date. No chemistry whatsoever, and we both struggled to keep the conversation going. So it was a back and fort of questions, without anything nice. Around the beginning of the year I have some more dates with a couple of random girls. Some from the dating site, some from the train, some from my work at the gym. Sometimes it's two dates, sometimes it's just one. And I'm always thinking; well, is this it? They went together with lousy texting from my side, quite a bit of oneitis, anxiousness before a date. Everything most of dating-age is well acquainted with.
There was one girl who came by my door for charity. We talked for half an hour, we exchanged phone numbers, texted a bit, and I got ignored after a while. Bummer but hey, whatcha gonna do?
Next up, in february, I meet a really cool girl on my datingsite. She's spontaneous, says the weirdest most honest things, has a nice sense of humour. And she's my first, and only one night stand. We were in her apartment, both a bit drunk, she asked if I wanted to kiss her, and I said yes. I NEVER had sex on the first date before, so I was completely out of my element. She thought it was adorable (I sort of thought it was emasculating
).She had a lot of hang ups with exes, and was really busy (as am I) so we only saw each other once every two or three weeks. Which was fine with me, but she also said on the first date that she wasn't looking for a relationship. So it should be just platonic. And sexual. I thought I could do that. Turns out I couldn't. We talked about a lot of personal stuff, did really romantic things. Candlelight dinners, walks on the beach in the snow, writing poems for eachother. So naturally I caught them feelings. Big surprise.
After four dates, in march, we both decided to put an end to it. No biggie. She was completely relieved that I didn't turn all psycho, and that she had another stalker on her hands. So we cut all contact, and I continued dating.
With no avail whatsoever again. Met a cool girl in my gym who I had a GREAT connection with. Went rockclimbing together a couple of times. She now lives with another woman. Couple of other dates with a nice girl, who moved to Belgium to work for the EU. Awesome!
In between I still didn't really like talking to people. As soon as someone walked through the door in my gym I immediately thought "crap, I'm gonna have to have a conversation with somebody. Is that gonna go okay?" It kept getting better over time, but not by much.
As another self development project, and because it's a cool thing to do (aside from studying, working, salsadancing, kickboxing) I decided to start writing a book.
Because I don't think I've seen enough of the world I decided to book a traintrip to Berlin, Vienna and Zürich. When I stepped into the train I was scared shitless. "All by myself, who am I going to talk to? Won't I get lonely?" The first thing I looked up to do was a pub crawl in Berlin, with random people. Even when I set foot in the Berliner Bahnhof I hadn't decided if I was gonna go. I jumped in, and had a great night. The day after I met a really cool British girl on an alternative city tour. A day later in Vienna I also met a really, really awesome American guy. On the nighttrain from Vienna to Zürich I had a conversation with a girl till two in the night (she had to leave the train at six). In short: the entire trip was fucking awesome.
Also awesome was my self confidence. I had just spent a week talking to everybody and nobody. Knowing I could be self reliant and talk to everybody put a major dent in my sort of inferiority complex and social anxiety.
Also awesome was the text I got from the girl above, who saw me walking by with a couple of friends in her city a week later. We meet up for dinner (with her sister), a couple of days later we start texting again, and she invites me to come over. My feelings remain firmly in check, but it was still a reeeaaaally great night. We hook up about once a month, and I continue dating other women.
Some are fun, others not so much (one even had whiskers, which she didn't pull out for the date, does anybody have ANY idea how hard it is to have a conversation with distracting whiskers in you field of view?)
A loooong time ago a female friend of mine asked me to go touring the US with her (talked about it in this thread as well). We did end up going, and I met quite a few cool people in the US, but we mostly spent time together (as it goes when you're travelling with the two of you). She has a boyfriend at home, but there were quite a lot of problems, so she ended up going home early.
So I travelled to San Diego, San Francisco and Salt Lake City by myself. And as it went before; it was fucking awesome. Met sooo many new people, heard sooo many cool storys, did sooo many cool things. At the end of the vacation my self confidence was through the roof. And where it tapered of after my previous trip, it's now been six weeks after the US, and I still have no problems talking to people anymore.
A lot of the stuff which happened after my trip has been posted here recently. A girl asked for my number for the first time ever. I met the coolest girl ever a couple of weeks ago. She happened to have a boyfriend. Good thing my oneitis is completely over and hey, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
In between I always felt like I didn't enjoy talking to people whatsoever, which fucked up a lot of regular conversations. A huge part of that was my social anxiety, which formed a barrier between me and my conversation partner; I was more preoccupied with thinking about how I came across, in stead of focusing on the conversation itself.
It's so liberating not having to worry about anything anymore. Smiling to people, and seeing them smile back. Just getting into a conversation, and actually having fun.
Still don't have a girlfriend, but that's ok. I think I can safely say I have a very kick-ass life. If someone comes along tomorrow, great, really great. If it's gonna be in six months? No biggie.
Things to work on: I have no clue how to flirt to save my life.
As a conclusion: this might have become quite personal, but meh, it's dating-age
I also give this year eight out of ten Neogaf Believe signs!For Minamu: I'm still not completely sure it's healthy you're still in touch with your previous ex. You still seem to care a lot about her, and get hurt by her. And to me it seems like you're still hurting her as well. Wanting her "to see how good your life is without her" doesn't sound like a healthy attitude. And it's also an indication that no, you're life isn't good without her. Don't you think it would be easier if you'd just cut all contact?
thesoapster
Member
Goatee/circle beard is more what I was referring to. But yeah, I cannot grow a full beard. I'm guessing it has to do with acne scarring given where facial hair does not grow. And yeah, as I mentioned in the first post (the one I linked) I'm overweight and working on it (5'11 200lbs). My aim is to be closer to 170, maybe less depending on how I look/feel when I get there.
GutsOfThor
Member
I'm such a chicken shit lol. I never did message the girl and instead just forced the idea of it out of my head. It's been almost two weeks now so I guess I'll just forgot about it. Oh well, thanks for the advice anyways guys!
I'll read your recap shortly
Edit: i'm so jealous of your year man Those trips and their results are awesome! Makes me wanna go somewhere too!As for my ex, you might be right. When we fight over these topics, it doesn't feel very good, and she's clearly hurting right now as well since she's avoiding me. But being away from her feels wrong too of course. I miss being near her. We have our differences and grind our teeth at each other sometimes, but as I've told her, she feels like the yin to my yang, and partly because of that. I don't love her any less today nor am I angry at her. It very well may be that we're simply just hurting each other though, it certainly looks like it. Of course, the situation isn't frictionless at the moment because of this love triangle bs. As far as I know, that's the only reason why we haven't at least met up and hugged it out by now. She's the kind of girl who goes quiet and AWOL in the middle of a convo if I ask tough questions she uncomfortable with. I've tried getting her to at least tell me what kind of relationship they have and she can't give a proper answer to why she won't meet up with me, yet it's okay to talk online. Or if it's simply that she's afraid of falling in love again if we meet up in private. Even getting her to admit that she agrees that we aren't finished (though with the caveat that it might just mean as friends) took around 3 days of continuous talking. I know nothing about her situation because she's actively and purposefully staying quiet for whatever reason. Maybe I worded it wrong with my life and that. What I mean is that I won't delete her out of anger or anything and if she sees that I'm happy, she might be too, and perhaps even come back. I want her to be happy as well of course, I just want her to make some damn life choices, which is what she's probably angry at me for at the moment, which I find strange when I just want to help her. Playing two guys against each other while just sitting on the sidelines just watching isn't cool.
Life was pretty good without her, until she came back. I miss and love her as much as always, it's not just nostalgia I think. So no, my life isn't very good without her right now, simply because she awoke all the feelings again with her mere presence. I'm not sure cutting all contact and deleting her again is the way to go though, I've done that several times before and it was never the right choice in hindsight. I didn't have good objective reasons to leave her even though they felt legit. My reactions were guided by egotistical emotions thanks to immaturity. I've already said "fuck it, yolo" and left her on a whim several times and never considered the consequences, and they sucked even worse than the situation prior. However, I won't stick around if she decides that the other guy is better boyfriend material (how could he be? He already turned her down at least once afaik). That's why I've told her that she needs to make a choice as to not torture both me, him and herself. Fate won't solve this situation that she has created for herself, only she can. I'm still in this mess because there's still a slight chance she might see reason, you know?
My recap for 2013 would be significantly shorter than everyone else's but I'll give a go anyway:
After hanging out with the my current best friend and being friends for like a few years I told her about my feelings, and she didn't feel the same way, which I kind of expected so I wasn't really torn up about it and we both wanted to remain friends. I realized that this would be a problem since feelings might complicate the friendship so I decided to see if there was a way that I could accept that we weren't going to be going out and not have those feelings anymore so that I would be more okay with just being friends. I don't know how but I managed to succeed and escape being trapped in a weird friend zone, and now she and I are the best of friends, so I'd say that worked out pretty well since I didn't have to cut her out of my life forever to get rid of the feelings. After all of that I decided to take what is probably one of the more common pieces of advice in this thread and not devote too much time to finding a girlfriend and to work on myself for a while. I dug myself out of the depression that I had during the summer, started going back to the gym, got myself back into listening to music, and I'm entering the 2nd quarter of my sophomore year of college soon. I plan for 2014 to be a better year because I've learned a lot more useful life information. I'll put more thought into the dating world when I feel that I've improved myself enough to get back up to 100%.
After hanging out with the my current best friend and being friends for like a few years I told her about my feelings, and she didn't feel the same way, which I kind of expected so I wasn't really torn up about it and we both wanted to remain friends. I realized that this would be a problem since feelings might complicate the friendship so I decided to see if there was a way that I could accept that we weren't going to be going out and not have those feelings anymore so that I would be more okay with just being friends. I don't know how but I managed to succeed and escape being trapped in a weird friend zone, and now she and I are the best of friends, so I'd say that worked out pretty well since I didn't have to cut her out of my life forever to get rid of the feelings. After all of that I decided to take what is probably one of the more common pieces of advice in this thread and not devote too much time to finding a girlfriend and to work on myself for a while. I dug myself out of the depression that I had during the summer, started going back to the gym, got myself back into listening to music, and I'm entering the 2nd quarter of my sophomore year of college soon. I plan for 2014 to be a better year because I've learned a lot more useful life information. I'll put more thought into the dating world when I feel that I've improved myself enough to get back up to 100%.
TurboLibre
Member
Do you seize up like this when you're asking a guy friend to do something with you?
Treat it the same way at first. Keep it very casual and say "It was nice running into you the other week. I'm gonna go grab a coffee/beer/see a movie", want to join me?"
Two weeks isn't too long either. So go throw out that offer. Preferably something you are going to do even without her.
Hell, just last week I did the same thing. There's this girl that seems interested in me but gives out very confusing signals (long story). I was already going to go out for a beer so I asked if she wanted to join. She had an excuse and couldn't make it, but I went anyway. While I was there I ran into a co-worker and chilled with her instead.
D
Deleted member 10571
Unconfirmed Member
My recap for 2013 would be the same as last year: Once you hit 30+, you'll ever only meet amazing women with boyfriends or husbands or those that just aren't into you, the end. Being young was waay more fun in terms of girls.
Good thing I'm not too bummed being alone still I guess, if I really would care too much about it I'd be seriously depressed.
Being young was waay more fun in terms of girls.Good thing I'm not too bummed being alone still I guess, if I really would care too much about it I'd be seriously depressed.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
Hey people, in the need for some advice on where to go with this situation.
Got interested in a girl in one of my classes. We don't study the same course but share some modules. For some background she's an international chinese student. Seems a bit shy maybe and doesn't talk much in class, or with any native English before so that might be some important info.
Anyway got to the class earlier the previous work and was waiting outside in the lobby and she was there, I didn't say anything then. Got there early again and by chance she was also early. Sparked up some small talk about our assignment and then let her know the room was free. Went in and sat down at my usual spot and she sat down next to me, despite usually sitting in the same place every week with her friends in the row in front of me. Didn't have my notes with me for the class and she noticed and let me share hers.
At the end of class we talked a bit more about the assignment and ended up leaving at the same time, we continued talking, got outside and she mentioned how she found a section of the assignment difficult. Took my opportunity and offered to help by getting together in the library sometime. Gave her my phone, got her number and I said would contact her sometime.
(this is the first girl I had made a move on in about 9 months so it was great to get my confidence back....had a huge grin on my face when walking back haha!)
Texted her later that night
Me: Hello, it's ***** from finance, if you want to come library sometime just let me know
Her: Ok, thanks
Next day (Saturday)
Me: Hey, I will go at 5 to work on my other assignment, but feel free to come along and I can show you finance then
Her: I'm sorry. Today, I'm, preparing the vivo voce for this monday. Maybe next time. Anyway, thank you
Me: No problem. Good luck! Just let me know whenever
Her: I feel lucky to meet you. See you next time.
Her reason for not coming then was legit as I know others who do her course and are busy too with it.
Anyway what should I do next? We break up for the 4 week xmas holiday on Friday and we both go home then. The assignment will also be handed in during that period so my main window of opportunity is this week. (however we will still be in the same class next semester)
Shall I offer to meet up in the library again tomorrow? Wait until next semester? Or simply drop this and move on to new horizons? I don't want to come of as pushy, especially if she does have a shy personality!
Advice much appreciated.
Got interested in a girl in one of my classes. We don't study the same course but share some modules. For some background she's an international chinese student. Seems a bit shy maybe and doesn't talk much in class, or with any native English before so that might be some important info.
Anyway got to the class earlier the previous work and was waiting outside in the lobby and she was there, I didn't say anything then. Got there early again and by chance she was also early. Sparked up some small talk about our assignment and then let her know the room was free. Went in and sat down at my usual spot and she sat down next to me, despite usually sitting in the same place every week with her friends in the row in front of me. Didn't have my notes with me for the class and she noticed and let me share hers.
At the end of class we talked a bit more about the assignment and ended up leaving at the same time, we continued talking, got outside and she mentioned how she found a section of the assignment difficult. Took my opportunity and offered to help by getting together in the library sometime. Gave her my phone, got her number and I said would contact her sometime.
(this is the first girl I had made a move on in about 9 months so it was great to get my confidence back....had a huge grin on my face when walking back haha!)
Texted her later that night
Me: Hello, it's ***** from finance, if you want to come library sometime just let me know
Her: Ok, thanks
Next day (Saturday)
Me: Hey, I will go at 5 to work on my other assignment, but feel free to come along and I can show you finance then
Her: I'm sorry. Today, I'm, preparing the vivo voce for this monday. Maybe next time. Anyway, thank you
Me: No problem. Good luck! Just let me know whenever
Her: I feel lucky to meet you. See you next time.
Her reason for not coming then was legit as I know others who do her course and are busy too with it.
Anyway what should I do next? We break up for the 4 week xmas holiday on Friday and we both go home then. The assignment will also be handed in during that period so my main window of opportunity is this week. (however we will still be in the same class next semester)
Shall I offer to meet up in the library again tomorrow? Wait until next semester? Or simply drop this and move on to new horizons? I don't want to come of as pushy, especially if she does have a shy personality!
Advice much appreciated.
It's too soon to say "drop it" but if you are going to contact her again I would do it after classes are over. The reason being is that you've already offered your assistance to her with studying so if she wants it she can contact you whenever.
If she doesn't, then contact her after classes are over by asking how she did in the class or something, and then chain combo that into a date request. If she rejects you for any reason at that point then I would put the ball in her court and move on. If she gets back to you great if not, no harm done as you've moved on.
electricshake
Member
I'll read your recap shortly
As for my ex, you might be right. When we fight over these topics, it doesn't feel very good, and she's clearly hurting right now as well since she's avoiding me. But being away from her feels wrong too of course. I miss being near her. We have our differences and grind our teeth at each other sometimes, but as I've told her, she feels like the yin to my yang, and partly because of that. I don't love her any less today nor am I angry at her. It very well may be that we're simply just hurting each other though, it certainly looks like it. Of course, the situation isn't frictionless at the moment because of this love triangle bs. As far as I know, that's the only reason why we haven't at least met up and hugged it out by now. She's the kind of girl who goes quiet and AWOL in the middle of a convo if I ask tough questions she uncomfortable with. I've tried getting her to at least tell me what kind of relationship they have and she can't give a proper answer to why she won't meet up with me, yet it's okay to talk online. Or if it's simply that she's afraid of falling in love again if we meet up in private. Even getting her to admit that she agrees that we aren't finished (though with the caveat that it might just mean as friends) took around 3 days of continuous talking. I know nothing about her situation because she's actively and purposefully staying quiet for whatever reason. Maybe I worded it wrong with my life and that. What I mean is that I won't delete her out of anger or anything and if she sees that I'm happy, she might be too, and perhaps even come back. I want her to be happy as well of course, I just want her to make some damn life choices, which is what she's probably angry at me for at the moment, which I find strange when I just want to help her. Playing two guys against each other while just sitting on the sidelines just watching isn't cool.
Life was pretty good without her, until she came back. I miss and love her as much as always, it's not just nostalgia I think. So no, my life isn't very good without her right now, simply because she awoke all the feelings again with her mere presence. I'm not sure cutting all contact and deleting her again is the way to go though, I've done that several times before and it was never the right choice in hindsight. I didn't have good objective reasons to leave her even though they felt legit. My reactions were guided by egotistical emotions thanks to immaturity. I've already said "fuck it, yolo" and left her on a whim several times and never considered the consequences, and they sucked even worse than the situation prior. However, I won't stick around if she decides that the other guy is better boyfriend material (how could he be? He already turned her down at least once afaik). That's why I've told her that she needs to make a choice as to not torture both me, him and herself. Fate won't solve this situation that she has created for herself, only she can. I'm still in this mess because there's still a slight chance she might see reason, you know?
You know if someone else posted all this you'd be telling them to drop her in heartbeat, right? Obviously that's easier said than done, but how long have you two been at this for? Is she really worth it?
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
sounds like solid advice
hoping she's not afraid to contact me this week before we leave for holiday! seemed like she had a reserved personality, whilst I'm fairly talkative in and out of class so hope that doesn't factor in to it.
Makes the hunt a lot more challenging
Update:
So we planned another motel stay last Friday. She got off work at 11:30pm, so we were just gonna go straight to the motel from there...with some alcohol
1. she got a 6 PAC of beer.
2.i brought a mix drink recommended by a friend (vanilla vodka mixes with red bull and oj)
3. Also brought some mikes hard lemonade
So she wants me to see her before her shift and the night before she sent me texts such as "yeah you should come warm me up now
"And "ok sweet, maybe this time I'll be more fun" and "are you gonna keep me awake?
"So I get there before her shift and all we do is talk, but I didn't get the sense like anything was gonna happen that night either
So I go home and pick her up at 11:30. We get to the hotel and have no problems getting in (I made reservations this time). We get in, there is one bed. We turn on the tv, start with the beer, and am watching a movie. After a beer and half I move in closer to her and put my arm around her. We talk and shit, then she leans over and pulls me on top of her as she lays down and we start making out. She then says "how long have you been wanting to do this?" I freaking love that she made the 1st move
We make out for a little more, she keeps telling me to slow down and that she can feel my heart racing. So we finish watching the movie, then have a glass of the mix drink.
Now it's about 1:30 am, so we go take a walk to 7-11 to get food. We are holding hands, stopping to kiss ever once and awhile. That all just felt so nice and magical. Best feeling ever!!
We get back around 6:00 am, then she gets into her pjs. She turns off the light, we Start making out. I'm undressing, she is, but she never took her shirt off...whatever. So I put on the condom... I try putting it in, she says it's too soft and says I got the whisky dick. She was really cool about it and we decide to try the next morning.
11 am rolls around and the cleaner knocks on the door saying it's time to check out, so we get up very quick, change. She is still very tired and needs more sleep, so we go back to my room at my parents place. She goes upstairs and lays in my bed. I bring up 2 Water for us. We start making out again, takes a little while to get fully hard, but none the less, I do it and put the condom on.
Now I'm in, I put it in, my motions were not consistent and I didn't really feel much the 1st min of thrusting, and while I'm thrusting, im kissing her all over (she still has her shirt on and when I tried to get under there to feel her up, she denies me)...oh well. So she starts moaning, now I'm feeling it. I feel like I'm taking for ever, so I try and finish quickly. I did, she asks if I came and when we talked about it afterward, she said my motions need to be more consistent and that I finished too fast (I probably could have kept going for another 5 minute atleast).
It's been so awesome and now we have a beach trip planned for wed and thur.
It's been so wonderful finding someone after 26 year of being alone...even if it doesn't work out. I have loved ever second of it
I'll read your recap shortly
Do eeeet! Apparently Amsterdam is quite cool
Cool gaffers over here as well Please don't take this the wrong way, I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but from your description it sounds like she already tried to move on. She really has no obligation to tell you about her boyfriend. It's not up to you to help her with her life choices. Of course I don't know how she's communicating towards you, if she's trying to keep in touch or whatever. But it sounds like you really, really hurt her (as you are well aware yourself), and she's very reluctant to get involved with you again. And it really sucks, especially if you feel about her the way you do, but you guys broke up. You can try everything in your power to make something work again. But I do not think she has any obligation towards you. This might come of as harsh, but it just might be that you had your chance, and you unfortunately blew it.
No, you're still in this mess because you think she might choose you, and from the (perhaps limited) info I got you're sort of pressuring her into things she might not want to talk about.
And you say you're a better boyfriend. But sorry my friend, that's not up to you to decide. If you break it off now for good, it won't be, or shouldn't be, for a whimsical yolo lifestyle. But for your, and hers, peace of mind. Again, I'm not trying to be a dick.
Moz La Punk
Member
So yeah, I'm buying a house (moving in in february) and my gf will be moving in with me.
It's the second time I'm going to live together with a girlfriend. Hope this one ends well =)
It's the second time I'm going to live together with a girlfriend. Hope this one ends well =)
Haha indeed, I'm very much aware of this, and the irony it brings to the table
We met back in the end of October 2012 and got together in January. I do think she's worth it, I mean, I have dropped her in a heartbeat twice and while it had a positive effect in other areas of my life, it always felt like the wrong decision in hindsight. As much as my feelings were hurt, not having her in my life hurt more.I'm not offended, don't worry. I wouldn't post about it if I was scared of some well deserved flak. She has moved on for sure, she did that awfully fast, and I obviously haven't at all. I'm not sure I'd say she has a boyfriend, he wasn't into her like that during the summer at least, but she's not single either. Who he is and all that isn't relevant, I don't know her friends at all anyway. I know it's not up to me to help her with life choices, or make them for her, I told her exactly that. But she's avoiding them altogether and expects fate to solve everything for her. I've just offered some assistance (and that's hard to do in a constructive way without knowing all the facts). She can take it or leave it of course. She reached out to me just to say hi and that it felt good to see me again when things ended in such a negative way. Even though we got into the deeper and emotional areas very quickly, we've had some very relaxed and enjoyable conversations almost every day for the past 2+ weeks. We only communicate over text and facebook, which always led to misunderstandings before, which is why I've pushed for meeting in person now because I don't want to repeat the same mistakes, something she has refused because of the other guy (which I think is weird because I really don't see much of a difference between talking to an ex on facebook and irl). Yeah, I hurt her very much and she does make me feel like the bad guy, and I am in many ways. I have no problem with her being reluctant, I am too, but I do think we owe it to ourselves to explore the possibilities when we have admitted to still being curious about each other. It's just, in her words, that she isn't as curious about it now because of our past as I am, and because she doesn't want to risk losing the new guy by going back to someone who has hurt her before. I'd feel the same way honestly so I don't have a problem with that per se. But I do think it's wrong to be talking to the both of us. It'd be one thing if she said that she isn't interested in my feelings and that she's happy with the other guy, that's perfectly fine, then I'd be able to move on and wish her the best. But even with all my cards laid out on the table, we've kept talking and on her request, even though it bugs me because of him, have kept it on a day-to-day basis just to see what happens. Knowing how I feel for her and what I want, no matter how you toss it, I don't think that's very nice to the other guy, right? We've been testing the waters most likely behind his back. And at the same time, she can go back to him and cuddle or whatever at any second during a conversation with me, getting my hopes up over nothing, which makes me feel used. That's essentially why I feel that some decisions and serious talks need to be had with all sides separately because this can't go on forever, right? But she clearly doesn't agree with my view of things, since she has ignored me since Saturday and my message although clearly stated as not angry or intended as mean must've hurt her yet again. I just don't think this mess can sort itself out with the help of inaction. On the other hand, my actions clearly push her away, not towards me xD
Edit: Nah I haven't said I'd be a better boyfriend than him. I have no way of knowing that. But I assume she isn't happy since she's talking to me at all. I wouldn't be talking to obviously still in love exes if I had a new and healthy relationship. But what I do know is that the reasons we broke up before aren't relevant anymore because I've learned many lessons from it and she gave me insights before the summer that ensured that those reasons won't come up again. I think we've both changed for the better and I'd like a chance to use our past as a new foundations for something greater. I just ask for a chance to prove myself, preferably irl, which is hard for her to do because of the other guy and still hurt feelings.
Kept pursuing and following up on the job that I currently have. That started last September so it felt amazing to finally get that offer. Packed up everything and moved 350 miles away from any of my friends/family. Now you can officially calll me a Texan. The first 2/3 of the year were pretty meh. Family member passed, missed a long time planned vacation because of it. Just blah...
No interest in dating this year while I was in my funk and at my previous job. Didn't really have money to do it anyway. I hadn't tried to date in 2.5 years.
Moved in early September, started working out, self confidence +10. Hooray for extra income!
Created a profile on OKC mid October, had a girl msg me about 12 hrs after my profile was created. We hit it off amazingly well for the first week, kissing cuddling, seeing each other pretty much every night. She got spooked, one date in 1.5 weeks and lots of early morning texting from her that went no where. I got tired with her texting games and told her let me know if you want to see me, otherwise good luck with everything. *Hint: I was (still am) totally crazy about this girl.
She messaged a week later saying she wanted to see me that night, that was a Thursday. We made dinner together and it was really good. She said she wanted to do something over the weekend if she was around. I made food and took it over Sunday and we hung out. Told her that I wanted to do a proper date and let me know what restaurant\night.
Tuesday night I text her a picture of a bag of pickles that I bought from a restaurant she had told me about. Girl is crazy for pickles. She says she wants to do endless enchiladas at On The Boarder. I was exhausted (3 hrs of sleep 2 nights in a row, she was on my mind) but my energy picked up a ton with her suggestion. If I had denied her that night, pretty sure we would still be seeing each other.
Anyway, I was going to give her the pickles, pick her up, drive her to the restaurant. You know, a proper date! She works close to the restaurant and told me to just meet her there after I had already left and was headed to her apt. I was a little bummed with that. Dinner went really well, she was tired. I was super tired but the company was great. Talked about our families and holiday plans and hinted at more to come... Decided to call it an early night. She really liked me buying her pickles. The date night I proposed ended up lasting about an hour which sucked.
Got home, thought to myself man, just go to bed. Cant wait to see her again and she DOES like you. Then I texted her that I had a good time as usual... no response... get online look at OKC see her online. Get mad, text her that "she is a bad lier and good luck with online dating". She said what is up with that, she was in the shower...
I text her:
My head is messed up, I just can't tell with you.
Felt like I wasted my time going on other dates while she was making up her mind because I was thinking about someone else.
Asked her just how slow do you want to go?
etc
etc
etc
She defines what I am doing as a rant even though at the time I was numb and "felt calm". It was a rant!
She msgs first thing in the morning saying not to contact her again and that she is done. I didn't get any sleep that night either.
She disabled her OKC and POF accounts and I was #1 contender and I completely fucked up. All I had to do was just take things slow, she absolutely needed that because of her past and with how things started between us. She told me that she hadn't gone on any dates in a couple of weeks the night she wanted to see me when I told her that I went on some dates.
That was 4 weeks a go tonight. Still think about her a lot, still miss her a lot. I did send a brief apology for my actions last Saturday and told her that I hoped she had a good Thanksgiving and that she wouldnt have to worry about that stuff any longer.
I am still disgusted with my actions, especially because she told me about crap she put up with in the past from other guys and that I ended up giving her crap though not anything close to what she told me about. that just wasn't me...
Anyway, I'm not looking to start dating again anytime soon, staying logged out of POF and disabled OKC. I fell for her pretty hard and not having a support system close by makes it difficult. 2014 will be much better overall than 2013. I am going to be emotionally, physically, mentally, financially stronger. Can't wait!
No interest in dating this year while I was in my funk and at my previous job. Didn't really have money to do it anyway. I hadn't tried to date in 2.5 years.
Moved in early September, started working out, self confidence +10. Hooray for extra income!
Created a profile on OKC mid October, had a girl msg me about 12 hrs after my profile was created. We hit it off amazingly well for the first week, kissing cuddling, seeing each other pretty much every night. She got spooked, one date in 1.5 weeks and lots of early morning texting from her that went no where. I got tired with her texting games and told her let me know if you want to see me, otherwise good luck with everything. *Hint: I was (still am) totally crazy about this girl.
She messaged a week later saying she wanted to see me that night, that was a Thursday. We made dinner together and it was really good. She said she wanted to do something over the weekend if she was around. I made food and took it over Sunday and we hung out. Told her that I wanted to do a proper date and let me know what restaurant\night.
Tuesday night I text her a picture of a bag of pickles that I bought from a restaurant she had told me about. Girl is crazy for pickles. She says she wants to do endless enchiladas at On The Boarder. I was exhausted (3 hrs of sleep 2 nights in a row, she was on my mind) but my energy picked up a ton with her suggestion. If I had denied her that night, pretty sure we would still be seeing each other.
Anyway, I was going to give her the pickles, pick her up, drive her to the restaurant. You know, a proper date! She works close to the restaurant and told me to just meet her there after I had already left and was headed to her apt. I was a little bummed with that. Dinner went really well, she was tired. I was super tired but the company was great. Talked about our families and holiday plans and hinted at more to come... Decided to call it an early night. She really liked me buying her pickles
. The date night I proposed ended up lasting about an hour which sucked.Got home, thought to myself man, just go to bed. Cant wait to see her again and she DOES like you. Then I texted her that I had a good time as usual... no response... get online look at OKC see her online. Get mad, text her that "she is a bad lier and good luck with online dating". She said what is up with that, she was in the shower...
I text her:
My head is messed up, I just can't tell with you.
Felt like I wasted my time going on other dates while she was making up her mind because I was thinking about someone else.
Asked her just how slow do you want to go?
etc
etc
etc
She defines what I am doing as a rant even though at the time I was numb and "felt calm". It was a rant!
She msgs first thing in the morning saying not to contact her again and that she is done. I didn't get any sleep that night either.
She disabled her OKC and POF accounts and I was #1 contender and I completely fucked up. All I had to do was just take things slow, she absolutely needed that because of her past and with how things started between us. She told me that she hadn't gone on any dates in a couple of weeks the night she wanted to see me when I told her that I went on some dates.
That was 4 weeks a go tonight. Still think about her a lot, still miss her a lot. I did send a brief apology for my actions last Saturday and told her that I hoped she had a good Thanksgiving and that she wouldnt have to worry about that stuff any longer.
I am still disgusted with my actions, especially because she told me about crap she put up with in the past from other guys and that I ended up giving her crap though not anything close to what she told me about. that just wasn't me...
Anyway, I'm not looking to start dating again anytime soon, staying logged out of POF and disabled OKC. I fell for her pretty hard and not having a support system close by makes it difficult. 2014 will be much better overall than 2013. I am going to be emotionally, physically, mentally, financially stronger. Can't wait!
TurboLibre
Member
Here's a wrap up for me (even though I only started posting in this thread the past month or so).
Found my first girlfriend last year and it was going pretty well. Over time she started making less and less time for me though, to the point where I would see her once a week and even that was for only a couple of hours. There were a lot of other issues that started bothering me as well, but I was willing to try and work through them. One night though, I was drinking with my best friend (and roommate) and he physically attacked me for no reason. He was really drunk and made a big apology later, but I was still pissed. The whole thing started to make me "regress" to how I used to be, urging me to cut ties with the people close to me and try to distance myself from everyone. I was fighting it off but it was still something lingering in my head. I opened up to my girlfriend about it, looking for some support. Instead she verbally attacked me, calling me a coward and somehow making the entire conversation about her until she stormed out my house. I was hurt, the two people closest to me both attacked me when I haven't don't a single thing to provoke them. Within the same week. I ended up breaking it off the next day.
After a couple of weeks we started talking again. We began to see each other but I maintained we just remain friends, because we knew where that road was going to lead. Things were going pretty well, but one night she started saying she would always love me. That warmed my heart up enough to give it another shot. Not long after she stopped all contact. After not hearing from her for a couple of weeks I sent her a text that can be summed up to "I guess this is goodbye, because it's becoming clear you're trying to cut me out of your life" but never got a response. A year long relationship, and apparently I wasn't even worth a goodbye. I'm just confused on how someone can always love me one week and cut all contact the next. I still feel like I did everything the best way I could and enjoyed the experience as a whole. No regrets.
But I'm still feeling pretty bummed lately. Friends won't hang out, I won't have any money until next month, and it's been five (or so) months and still haven't made progress with meeting any new women. On the plus side: I left a job I hated, I've been working hard on myself to improve a lot more frequently, I get to see my family for Christmas, and hopefully a friend of mine is going to try and set me up with her friend soon. So there's a silver lining here.
Found my first girlfriend last year and it was going pretty well. Over time she started making less and less time for me though, to the point where I would see her once a week and even that was for only a couple of hours. There were a lot of other issues that started bothering me as well, but I was willing to try and work through them. One night though, I was drinking with my best friend (and roommate) and he physically attacked me for no reason. He was really drunk and made a big apology later, but I was still pissed. The whole thing started to make me "regress" to how I used to be, urging me to cut ties with the people close to me and try to distance myself from everyone. I was fighting it off but it was still something lingering in my head. I opened up to my girlfriend about it, looking for some support. Instead she verbally attacked me, calling me a coward and somehow making the entire conversation about her until she stormed out my house. I was hurt, the two people closest to me both attacked me when I haven't don't a single thing to provoke them. Within the same week. I ended up breaking it off the next day.
After a couple of weeks we started talking again. We began to see each other but I maintained we just remain friends, because we knew where that road was going to lead. Things were going pretty well, but one night she started saying she would always love me. That warmed my heart up enough to give it another shot. Not long after she stopped all contact. After not hearing from her for a couple of weeks I sent her a text that can be summed up to "I guess this is goodbye, because it's becoming clear you're trying to cut me out of your life" but never got a response. A year long relationship, and apparently I wasn't even worth a goodbye. I'm just confused on how someone can always love me one week and cut all contact the next. I still feel like I did everything the best way I could and enjoyed the experience as a whole. No regrets.
But I'm still feeling pretty bummed lately. Friends won't hang out, I won't have any money until next month, and it's been five (or so) months and still haven't made progress with meeting any new women. On the plus side: I left a job I hated, I've been working hard on myself to improve a lot more frequently, I get to see my family for Christmas, and hopefully a friend of mine is going to try and set me up with her friend soon. So there's a silver lining here.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
y r girls confusing?
They ensorcell you.
- Status